The Best Of: Carefully Reckless
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So we do have a voice note today. However, it's an update. I love when I get updates because sometimes I'll be thinking people don't come back and like update me because I be too hard on them or they didn't get the advice that they wanted or they're offended by the advice or what have you. But I am absolutely thankful and grateful for you guys updating me all the time.

I sound a little tired because I am tired, child. I am sluggish as hell today. So let's jump straight into it. Hey, Jess. Thank you so much for giving me your advice and listening to my story. So I did exactly what you said. I...

Took my, well, me and my best friend, we went out to dinner and I told her how I felt about the whole situation and told her, you just got to leave me out of it. And she was respectful of that. And then she asked me, is that why I have been pulling away from her? And I had to say yes. She was a little hurt by that. And I understood. I ended up feeling bad after we left. And I text her and I just, you know, let her know that.

I love you at the end of the day, and I only want the best for you. And it just hurts me to see you have to go through this. So I appreciate your advice. Next question would be, I heard you say I have to elevate my friend group. So how do I elevate my friend group, right? These girls I've been rocking with for 10 plus years, since high school, some even longer. So I don't want to just abandon them because they make...

That's ma'am.

Um, so just, I guess I'm asking, can you give me advice on how I can help them elevate without it feeling like a job, though? Without it feeling like a job. Yeah. Yeah, because you're not responsible or obligated to help somebody elevate, you know? Because at the end of the day, I just want these girls to be happy and know their full potential. I'm not going to keep repeating myself. And like I said, in the first, um, in the first message, um,

to keep talking to a brick wall either.

But also, I would feel bad just, you know, abandoning them. Yeah. So if you give me your advice, Jess, that'll be helpful. Again, I love you. I respect everything you're doing and keep on doing it, girl. Well, thank you so much, boo. I appreciate that update. Okay, so basically, guys, this was a story a couple episodes ago where this girl had wrote me telling me that basically she had to pull away from her friend a little bit because she

You know, she was just constantly, constantly talking shit about her relationship to her. Well, venting, I'm sorry, about how wrong she's being done in her relationship. But she keeps going back. She's not going to leave. And the friend will give her advice, advice, advice, advice. And she just wouldn't take it. You know what I mean? And she she's still staying and still going back. And so basically, she just wants her friends to know their worth now.

I did tell you to elevate your group of friends, not to abandon them as such. I know it kind of sounds like that's what I told you to do for sure. So I would have taken it that way as well. But the only reason that I had told you to, you know, maybe it's time for you to get some new friends or, you know, to elevate because it started to bother you.

And your everyday mental and how and because you are so loyal and so connected to your girls, you know what I'm saying? What hurts them hurts you. And if you are going through this unnecessarily and it really has no direct ties to you and and how you're living and your worth, because, you know, your worth, you know what I mean? Then.

That's kind of a setback for you that that's kind of draining for you. And I can see where it even leads to like stress. That's like secondhand stress that you're getting, you know, from a situation you ain't even in. So that's why I told you that, you know, as it pertains to your mental, you know, stress.

But I don't want you to abandon your friends. Like you said, if we had to abandon our friends for making poor choices in men, then none of us would have friends. Almost none of us would have friends because that happens. That happens until you actually find the one you want. I had...

Poor-tasting men didn't even know, you know what I mean? But that's all a part of dating and figuring out yourself and what you will take and what you won't take and what your standards are and all that type of stuff, you know? So that's pretty much why. You sound like you were very fed up and tired of being sucked into somebody else's bullshit where it was starting to bother you. But if that is not the case and you're willing to still be around, like I said, I'm pretty sure I did say something like also...

You can pull back just from that part of the relationship, a friendship. You know, I don't want to hear anything about your man. I don't want to hear anything about this because you're not going to do anything but go back. So we can we can actually we can still have this friendship and be sisters and we still have our sisterhood and everything. I just don't want to be involved with that, that part of it, because.

I want you to see your worth, but you're just not getting it, you know, and you'll get it on your own time. When a woman gets fed up, she gets fed up. Maybe she's not tired yet. And your other friend that you just spoke of as well, they're not tired yet. You can't make them be tired of what they're going through. You know, all you got to do is just be that listening ear until you don't want to hear it no more. Then you are absolutely at liberty to say no.

yo, I'm sick of this shit. I don't want to hear this anymore. And so you are able to stand on your own two feet, put your foot down and get out of that relationship because it's not doing you any good. As a friend on the outside looking in, it's not. It's not doing you any good. You're more stressed than happy. Then you just have to proceed with other factors of the friendship, you know?

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I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.

You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Make sure you check it out.

Hey, y'all. Niminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Historical Records brings history to life through hip hop.

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the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So I have been married with my husband for about 15 years now. We were high school sweethearts, and even after that we were the golden couple. Ever since we got married, we would take trips at least six times a year, always date each other, and just live the life a married couple should really have. This man has loved me unconditionally through everything. About 10 years ago, in 30 now, I figured out that I would not be able to have kids, and it crushed me, but all he did was build me up and reassure me that it's okay, and...

never left my side. Up until recently, everything was perfect. I noticed a change in his attitude. It wasn't nonchalant, but it just feels like that he's just putting up with me. I don't know, maybe he is getting bored. It took me by surprise because we literally switched things up and tried to keep the relationship spontaneous so I'm just confused on the whole switch in character.

I also tell you the story about me not being able to have kids because we did recently have a conversation about it and I did pour my heart out to him about not having kids or being able to give him one. And he did reassure me. But maybe this is the reason why he's been acting a different way.

Damn. All right. Well, first of all,

You've been married to this guy for a decade now, like you say. It started off really, really, really, really great. You know, lovers lane. So amazing. Y'all were in love. There was nothing going on. He kept reassuring you. Now, you told him in the beginning that you were unable to have children. And he still fell in love with you, you know, in spite of all that, you know. And you fell in love with him. Has he ever told you that he really wants kids? I mean...

Obviously, you can't, but it still matters if he wants to. Has that ever been a conversation? Has he ever said, well, this is something that I want. I really, really do want children, you know, because there are other ways that you guys can have kids, you know, other than vaginally, you know, there's adoption. There's so many other ways. You get what I'm saying? Like, is this a situation where you can't do in vitro? Do you not believe in that? Like,

Not to get, I guess, too personal, because if you would have wanted me to know, you would have told me. So let's just scrap that. But have you guys ever considered adoption? Or is that something that you just never entertained? Because if the child doesn't come biologically from you or him, then I could understand if that was an issue. You know what I mean? I do understand it. But then there is things like surrogacy. Have you ever considered a surrogate? Somebody to carry a baby for you?

I know these things get pricey. However, they are alternate routes that you can take if you really do want children. Now, as far as his behavior, him just switching, totally switching. Usually with situations like this, you see red flags. You see not a sudden change of pattern, but you'll see a buildup. You know what I'm saying? Because

The fact that he just switched, that could be something else. I mean, it could have something to do with you not being able to have children, but it also could be something else. Because that's a deeper situation, you not being able to have children. I know he has to think about that every day, especially if he wants to be a dad, if he desires to be a father. Then yes, that's something that he would have to think about every day. And that's just not a switch that you flip. You get what I'm saying? So please understand.

I'm not accusing him of cheating. I'm not accusing him of just falling out of love with you. I'm not accusing him of any of those things only, you know what I'm saying? However, we can't just throw away with the fact that it may be something like that because of the sudden mood change because of the sudden pattern change and

All of that. Do you guys not spend as much time together? Does he seem turned off? Does he seem uninterested in you at times? Have you ever sat him down and talked to him about it? Or are you just trying to make sure you're not crazy and tell another person your situation before you do actually approach it or approach him?

Let me know. And you let me know a lot, but it's still a lot more I would like to know. Also, you got to understand when you don't communicate, you know, when we as women don't communicate, we kind of let things linger. Could you have been ignoring signs before he just flipped the switch? Could you not have been paying attention this whole time? So whereas like you notice the end of his buildup and now it's just a flip switch to you.

Like, it seemed like it happened in the blink of an eye. Like, could you take some type of accountability to say... Now, only if it's yours to take. Don't take accountability for some shit that is not true. But I'm just saying, could you have overlooked how he felt because he kept reassuring you? You know what I'm saying? Because, listen, I just got finished talking about this on the last Just With The Mess. Actually, no, on the last Just Fix My Mess, the one that I do on Breakfast Club, a lot of people...

cannot tell the truth because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. You know, they're sparing someone's feelings. So you oftentimes tiptoe around

what you have to say or how you're really feeling because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. That's what he could have been doing to you. And that's what you could have been doing to him, you know, because what if he was never okay with you not having children? Oh, what if he was okay in the earlier years of y'all's marriage, but then he developed such a desire to become a father and want more family.

You know, then just you want a family, you know, like what if that was the thing for him? What if that's what he really wanted? You know, so you have to sit down and talk to him. That's your husband. That's not your boyfriend. It's not just a little jump off. This ain't one of the niggas on your roster. You understand what I'm saying? You don't got to hide how you feel at all.

I've been together 10 years. You know, I'm pretty sure y'all have experienced rough patches in marriages. I mean, no marriage is perfect at all, you know? So I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be the first uncomfortable conversation that you guys have had to have. Especially the elephant in the room. You're unable to have children. I imagine how hard it was for you to tell him that. And how hard it is if he wants to be a dad to reassure you that it's okay. You get what I'm saying? So...

I think you should sit down with your husband and talk to him and fully get through with him. And I always encourage people, don't get up from their damn table until you have answers that you need. If that other person got to get up, so be it. But that's what we do. We try so hard to tiptoe and to coddle other adults, whether we're in love with them or not.

You know, just to save and spare their feelings. No, this is the uncomfortable part of this marriage. It has to go here so I can get what you're feeling. If I got to make you feel uncomfortable to tell me the truth, I'm going to do that. So let me know. What is it? Is there is it another woman? Is it the fact that I really can't have kids, but you don't want to leave me for it because you're in love with me?

But you still want children. Is it, you know, is it that I'm boring you? Is it that our sex life is, is, has now lost spice? Like, is it, cause it could be something else. I'm not just going to jump straight to cheating. You know, is my communication off? Do you feel like I don't pay you enough attention? Like, what is it? I've noticed a pattern.

Like a change in your pattern. You don't hold me the same. You don't look at me the same. We don't talk anymore. We don't go on trips anymore. And this seems sudden to me. But if this is something that you've been feeling, why haven't you come to me? And right now, more importantly, is the right time to come to me because I notice it and it's making me feel like it's my fault. Let me know what's going on. You know, I'm in the dark about this.

And then you should get an answer, honey. But let me know. Check back in. Answer my questions too. Y'all be trying to help y'all. But y'all be trying to leave a little juicy off the fruit. I don't know why I just said that. Y'all be trying to leave meat off the bone. I'm going to just say that. I say y'all be trying to leave juicy off the fruit. What? The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time,

Share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca-Cola. Copyright 2024, The Coca-Cola Company. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please.

Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.

It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, y'all? This is Questlove, and I'm here to tell you about a new podcast I've been working on with the Story Pirates and John Glickman called Historical Records.

It's a family-friendly podcast. Yeah, you heard that right. A podcast for all ages. One you can listen to and enjoy with your kids starting on September 27th. I'm going to toss it over to the host of Historical Records, Nimany, to tell you all about it. Make sure you check it out. Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand-new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop.

Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. Did you know, did you know?

Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Femme Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Ooh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on, including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more.

Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Femme Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, girl. Ooh, I know that's right.

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Where ambition meets inspiration, search for How I Work on the free iHeart app or in whatever podcast app you're listening to.

Good evening, Jess. First of all, I want to say congratulations all to you on getting Breakfast Club. Beyond proud of you, girl. Let's get into it. I have been on and off with my ex-boyfriend for about two years. I go in every time with the same mindset that things will get better because people do grow every time we're on good terms. But then it always goes downhill. I know what that feels like. I look at him as the love of my life, but also my best friend. Oh, me too, me too.

So it's hard to just completely cut him out of my life. I understand that. Now for the past month, we have been talking a little less and even haven't been linking up as much. So I decided to just be okay with that because I still want us to remain how we are. I mean, but that's the pattern, girl. You know, as far as our little understanding goes. He hit me up two nights ago and says he wants to talk to me. And immediately I got nervous but excited at the same time because I just didn't know what he had to say.

Jess, this man tells me he's been talking to somebody and he likes where it's going. And he don't think that we should continue to keep doing this anymore. Oh my God.

My heart shattered. But hey, it wasn't really much that I could say because for one, we're not together. And for two, every time we try to make it work, it never does. I understand. And three, he just seemed very solid on his decision with this. So I say to him, we can't continue to just be friends then?

I want to say something, but I'm going to wait until I finish. And he tells me no, because it wouldn't be fair to what he has going on. And he just knows how he is when I'm around. I took that as okay, and he still loves me. Bitch, what? Never mind, I'm sorry.

So what do my dumb ass do? You said it, not me. I pulled up to his house and parked across the street. Hold up. Hold up. I was just going to surprise him and just try to talk to him because, Jess, I'm just honestly not ready to let him go.

That could have been the dumbest thing I have ever done. I pulled up there just to see him getting out the car with the girl. He looked happiest ever, I can't even lie. So all I did was drive off, thank God. It's been only two days, but just knowing that he's not going to be around as much and I just won't have him anymore is killing me. And this is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. Seeing the love of your life happy with someone else when it's supposed to be you sucks.

I don't really have any questions for you, Jess, because this is literally something I have to get over myself. But I would love for you to just give me some advice. Okay. Well, for one, that makes me think of something I was just watching over the weekend. I was watching Acrimony, and that was one of the best Tyler Perry films that I've seen.

Taraji P. Anderson, let's just give a big shout out to her. She killed that goddamn role, man. But something happened similar in there. I mean, her husband, you know, who became her ex-husband by her own choice eventually, was the love of her life as well. And then he moved on, got rich and everything. And then he actually got a new woman, was engaged and had a baby and had given his new wife the life that...

You know, he had promised to give his ex-wife, who, you know, Taraji P. Ensign played, and she couldn't let him go. And I don't know if you've ever seen Necromony, but did you see how that ended? You know, she ended up losing her mind. And then also...

kind of sort of taking her own life you know being killed or whatever you know she she kind of did that herself you know she ended up dead um is the thing not saying you will end up dying if you don't let it go but you just never know to what extent things can go you pulled up over there and i'm glad you had sense enough to drive off however things could have went left

and very bad for you, you know, say she had a gun, say you got out the car and went over there to approach him and she had a gun and she shot you, say she whooped your ass, you know what I'm saying? Say just whatever, you know, and the guy clearly told you, you said he had a conversation with you and he told you, like, listen, I don't know.

I don't think this has been going well for us, you know, and I moved on with somebody and I'm actually happy where I'm at. So I just want to let you know that this can't happen anymore. I actually will say I respect his honesty. He was honest enough to tell you because he didn't really owe you that much because y'all weren't together. And, you know, you said that.

That's always rule of thumb, honesty, be open and honest. That communication thing has to always be there because we expect these men to be honest with us. And what we know that most of them or, you know, a lot of them are liars. You know, so when a guy tells the truth, you have to respect him with that, too, because like I said, he didn't owe you that to tell you that he was already lying.

talking to somebody and he was happy with them he was happy the way things were going for you to come back that was your cue to hang up first of all okay I got you because you you already established the pattern you already saw it you already discovered it you said you know we've been talking a lot less lately and we hardly ever link up anymore you know what I mean but I just took it

for what it was because we weren't together. You know what I mean? So you had to already know that he was doing something anyway. I mean, we as women, we get these feelings and most of the time we're not wrong. We're not right all the time, but a lot of times we are, especially if you feel it.

You know, you knew that you could already tell by his patterns and the switch ups. Right. And let's just call it what it is. You were just somebody that he was talking to real quick. And you just went a lot further in your feelings than he did, you know, because you're calling him the love of your life.

And I guarantee you, he never felt that way or he wouldn't be with who he's with. I really don't have advice. You got it. You know, move on. I got advice for the future. Next time, don't do this shit. You know, don't do this shit. If a man tells you blatantly, listen, you know, because you said we can't be friends again. We can't just be friends. You know damn well that ain't what you want. You didn't want that.

We can't be friends. You know, when I'm around you, you know, I don't fuck my friends. You know, you would still be trying to throw him that pussy and you already know what's up. And he said he knows how he is around you. So he didn't even he didn't even want to even try that. Go down that road. That also tells me he has a sense of loyalty and the right woman gets it. You didn't really hold yourself to a high enough standard anywhere. You would have been his girlfriend. You would have been.

The love of his life. He was ready to still be a side chick. He told you that he was he was happy with somebody else. You know what I'm saying? So cherish yourself, value yourself more. You know what I mean? We should never be willing, like willing and voluntarily being a, you know, a side chick or any or the second to any woman. You know, don't don't do that. Don't ever do that.

But yeah, you have to get over this. And like you said, it's only been two days or whatever. You know, you wrote me a story January 25th. We're now in February, early February. Check back in with me and let me know what's going on. Because I really love to keep pouring into you so you can see your worth. And see that it's somebody out there that will do you like he doing his girl now. He looked happier than ever, girl. The best thing you could have did was pull the fuck off. And I'm happy. Don't call him back. None of that.

Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect Podcast Network. See you in 2025 for more great moments from your favorite podcast.

We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Ooh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on, including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more.

Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Femme Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, girl. Ooh, I know that's right. Hey, y'all. Niminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop.

Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. Did you know, did you know?

Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

While this podcast might be keeping you from being distracted, here's something to level up your focus. I'm Amantha Imber, host of the podcast How I Work. It's a show where I interview some of the world's most successful people and uncover how exactly they construct their days. From how to combat a scrolling addiction to morning rituals and productivity hacks, we explore how some of the best stay disciplined and manage their time effectively.

Where ambition meets inspiration, search for How I Work on the free iHeart app or in whatever podcast app you're listening to.