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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney. Always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Caffley Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. We're going to jump straight in. Jess fixed my mess. Listen, so we have an update. Remember the black lady, the beautiful black queen that was dating the white dude with the prejudiced brother and all that shit? We have an update from her. Okay. She says, thank you so much for the advice. I really needed that, especially coming from not only another black woman, but also from someone on the outside.
It was his cousin that made that comment about my brother, not his brother. And I don't trust them around my daughter if I'm not around, but I can't control what my boyfriend does. If him and I split, my anxiety will go through the roof because now I'm not there to protect or defend my child.
Her dad obviously won't. They've already made little comments about my daughter's hair. She's gorgeous and has white people hair. Long, beautiful, and super curly. Unlike her cousins, their kids. I feel like they're jealous. And my boyfriend told me that his brother always had a thing for black girls. So I don't know. It's just confusing. It's a lot to deal with and I'm tired. I don't know how to defend myself verbally. I freeze up. If I had the words, they would flow, but I don't.
Okay, girl, you need some more mess fixing shit. My God. So no, you cannot control what your boyfriend does. No, you can't. You cannot control what he does, but you can control how your child grows up. See, this is a little hard for me to kind of
guide you through because this is in fact his child as well. No, you cannot control what he does. No, you cannot. I don't even know the type of relationship that he has with his daughter. Does he love her? Is he kind with her? Is he gentle with her? Is she a daddy's girl? Is he very, very close with his daughter? You are thinking the right way because no, I wouldn't want them around my child. I don't trust those people. I
You said they already made comments about her hair. And she has, as you quoted, white people hair. I would disagree with that because that's where the curls come from. The curls actually come from you, baby. That comes from you. White people have long, thin, stringy hair. Sometimes it's thick, but they don't really have coily curls. They don't have curls. I mean, that's your DNA. Don't give them all that credit.
I just want to be very clear with you about the part where you said your boyfriend told you that his brother has always had a thing for black girls. Now, that could be true, but it ain't the type of thing that we think it is. Ain't no way you had a thing for black girls, but you are constantly verbally abusing them. There is no fucking way.
You're very judgmental and stereotypical. I don't know that he fits the mold of a racist man in my eyes from what I gathered from your previous email and to this one. Now, are you freezing up because you don't know what to say or...
Are you freezing up because you're scared or you really don't know what to say or you don't want to hurt their feelings or you're just trying to keep the commotion down? What is your reason for freezing up? Because I can help you out with the words, babe. I can help you out with the words if that's all it is.
I still feel like you're kind of protecting your man, protecting, you know, I think you want to just keep the commotion down, but they are going to keep disrespecting you. I don't think that you should have to live miserable because you want to give your daughter the life of a family, like that family life that because she'd be even more fucked up.
Growing up in that setting where one side of the family secretly hates the other side of the family because of skin color, because of race. And then now speaking as her, I am both of them. I'm white and I'm black. So I don't know which way to go. You know, she'd be more fucked up growing up that way than growing up with mommy in a happy place, you
still seeing her family, not trying to X them out completely, but she needs to grow up in a loving environment. She's a kid. She's very innocent. She didn't ask to be here. You guys made her against her will. So she doesn't deserve this. So you have to now take charge as a mom and put her first and do the best thing for her because you obviously have not been doing the best thing for you.
So if you're not going to do it for you, do it for your child. And that will make you want to do it for you. I'm telling you. That's my advice. Check back in. Let me know, baby girl. And listen, I just want to tell you this. I love you. I don't even know you. I love you, though. You're very strong. You're stronger than you think you are because you're dealing with this and you don't have to. I'm not praising you for dealing with this.
Because you shouldn't want to. You don't have to. You're a powerful, strong Black woman. But you are strong for putting on this armored skin mask.
Acting like this shit don't fucking bother you. Acting like you can't get up out of this shit. You ain't even got to be treated like this. Check back in, babe. Moving on. Dear Jess, please help me with my messy ass mess. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now and have gone through a lot together. Mostly due to a lot of my drunken blackout mishaps. Damn. A bitch be crazy sometimes off that damn Casamigos. Okay, bitch. Me too, but this is not about me. This is about you.
However, lately we have been trying to openly communicate better and not keep our feelings bottled up inside. But I don't know how to approach this situation and I need your help. We have been amazing lately, but I had gone through his phone when we weren't doing so great and we weren't even having sex at all. Because he isn't fucking me. He got to be fucking somebody else. Oh, yeah. And I see he is on Tinder and Facebook dating and he is in fact talking to bitches. Oh, yeah.
Furthermore, he went to Vegas a couple months ago and tried to meet up with one of his old friends and told her that he wasn't with his girl anymore. They didn't meet up, but they FaceTimed for about two and a half hours at three in the morning. We've been doing really well, but I have been keeping this information bottled up for weeks and just don't feel like we can move forward unless I mention the disrespect and him still having contact with his friend. All right, ma'am. So let's just start here.
If your ass wasn't so damn drunk all the damn time, you would be able to pay attention to your man and you would be able to see these things before they happen.
Okay, listen, drinking is cool. Sometimes, you know what I mean? Social drinking is cool. Occasional drinking is cool, but it becomes a problem. And you know, it's a problem because you don't just drink to have a fun time. Baby, you said you get so drunk where you black out. You said drunken blackout mishaps. Please.
Plural. This is something that you do. This is something that he has to cope with, whether you see it that way or not. It's hard dealing with an alcoholic. Sorry that I called you that, but honey, drunken blackout mishaps. I think that you just admitted to me that you were an alcoholic. So while I'm not judging you, because I love alcohol, I drink about five, six times a week.
That's by day. So I'm not judging you at all. However, I don't abuse liquor to the point where I have drunken blacked out mishaps. All right. Now let's move on to him. You said y'all been doing very good lately, but you found out some shit that you didn't bring up to him. Obviously, I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about it. I think it needs to be in a very warm, calm setting. And you do not need to drink before you do this.
Feel free to do whatever after, but do not drink before this because you need a clear conscience. You need to really see what his angle is.
Why? What would make you make a Tinder? What would make you turn to Facebook dating? Do you need someone to just give you this attention? Because you said one of his old friends, he went to Vegas weeks ago and he didn't even see her. He just FaceTimed her. He is looking for attention. I don't even think he's looking to be with someone based off of what I gathered here, what you sent me. I don't think he's looking to replace you. I don't think he's even looking to physically, sexually cheat on you. I think he is missing something.
that attention. You lack that in a relationship. And just like us, just like women, if you're
We're not getting what we feel we need or that attention, you know, just the basis of a regular fucking relationship in our relationship. And we don't want to leave. We'll look for it elsewhere. We won't leave. Sometimes we will. But sometimes you just love the person that much where you want to stay. You just still lack certain shit that, you know, you can get somewhere else. And then you feel like you're fine. You feel like you're patching it up. But you really want the person that you're in a relationship to do it.
So I think that it starts with working on yourself. And I do think that it starts with communication. I don't think you should keep that from him, that you know this person.
I think you should go at it from a different angle and see where that leads you. But he wants attention. And I think you should sit down and have a conversation with him about that. Because it sounds like you have a great relationship. It sounds like that. You've commended it lots of times before telling me the small problem. This is very, very small in my eyes compared to other relationships and the other hardships that people go through. Keep me updated, baby girl. Stay off the casa. Thank you. Thank you.
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I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.
I'm not going to stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu.
Moving on. Hey, Jess. So I've been in a relationship with a man for 12 years. The relationship itself is okay. He treats me right, buys me things, open doors, etc. The problem is it's been three years and we both have children and I never seen what they look like. Damn. Yep. Three whole years together. And all we do is sneak around our kids.
I've been to his home and he's been to mine several times, but we're always hiding one another from the kids. His are a bit older and mine are younger.
Should I continue with this relationship or am I wasting my time? I'm unsure if it's my age or what, but he's hiding me this long for a reason. I've met no other family either, but a brother and a cousin. I'd love to get married one day, but I feel like the path I'm on will have me in one of those relationships old folks have where that's just my little friend for 15 years. Well, if you are speaking this and you know that's not what you want, you shouldn't end up there. Let's just start there.
You know where you don't want to end up. You clearly just said it, but you said you feel like you're going to end up there. That's actually settling and letting yourself go. You're being in love lazy. You shouldn't do that. You're getting tired. You're giving up on your love life and you should not ever speak that way because words are very powerful. Don't put that into your universe. You will not end up like that, please. Okay. So I'm confused. You've been in a relationship with this man for 12 years.
Or three years. Okay, wait, wait, wait. What's going on? Okay, so you said, I've been in a relationship with a man 12 years. And then you said, the problem is, it's been three years and we've never met each other's children. Okay, so I'm just going to take this as a typo because, girl, this math ain't mathing. I don't care whether you've been with him for three years or 12 years. Either way, that's too fucking long for you not to know someone's children. Three years? Are you serious?
And then I'm a bit confused because you said both of you hide each other from your children. So he hasn't met yours. You haven't met his. His are older, which I really don't understand because if they're older, what is keeping you from introducing me to them? What is keeping you from bringing them to see me or having us in the same vicinity? I don't know. I don't know. Why can't we be in the same setting? And if you've been my boyfriend for three years, your kids don't ask about me? Like, do your kids know you're in a relationship?
You know, as their father, if you're very close and tight knit with them, they would know that you have a girlfriend. Am I correct? I don't know. Does he refer to you as a girlfriend? It's a lot of questions I have for this particular story. I don't know, baby girl. And what about your kids? Why haven't you introduced them to him? I know you said they're younger, but is this...
Because you haven't met his. So it's like, okay, I won't let you meet mine because I won't meet yours. Because I don't think that's healthy either. I think that it's a waste of your time already. You are being hidden for a reason. And obviously so is he. But it seems as if you were hidden first. So that's where your retaliation comes in at.
Has he ever asked you about your kids? When you guys have conversations, do you talk about your children? Because I can't imagine being in a relationship or even fucking with somebody for three years monogamously. I can't and not know a thing about their kids.
For one, I love kids. I don't know if he does. Well, obviously, because he has them, which also doesn't mean he loves kids. But I don't know. I just can't imagine that. I would like more information on that. But I do think from what you've given me, if I had to make a choice, I would say yes, please walk away from that. It doesn't seem like he wants to meet your children if he hasn't already. It doesn't seem like that. It seems like you want to meet his children.
It just doesn't seem like you two are on the same page at all. I think maybe he looks at you as somebody that he's just dealing with. I don't think he wants a serious relationship or maybe he is still involved with another woman and the woman may just be his kid's mom. I don't know. Does his kids have the same mother? Again, this is you've given me a lot, but you've given me a little, you know, you didn't give me a lot of information on it. But my decision is, yes, move forward. Please get the fuck up out of that.
Because I'm going to need you to know my kids, especially because they're young and I've been with you for three years or 12. Girl, you're just a ball of Confucius. So look, tap in. Talk to you next week. Last but not least. Hey, Jess, is it true that you can... What the fuck?
All right, so I'm going to struggle with this, but maybe y'all can help me figure out what she means. Because I think I know what she means, but we're just going to try to get through it, y'all. Y'all need to slow down and proofread y'all shit. This is a DM. Y'all have to read it. Y'all have the option where y'all can unsend, rewrite correctly, and send again. So start doing it. Shit.
Hey Jess, is it true to say that you cannot have a man that has his shit together, is a good person, and has good dick? You can only pick two out of those three. My boyfriend and I have been together for about eight years. We are 27 and 28. We live together in New York City. My boyfriend loves me more than I thought anyone could. Overall, an amazing and kind person. He is, though, an alcoholic and does not have any aspirations. God damn, this...
Took a turn for the worse. That escalated real damn quick. I feel like I am the leader in our household. But as I grow older, I realize I want a man that inspires me to be better. He is my best friend, but I want a husband. Child, I know what you mean, baby. I definitely understand.
Listen, a lot of y'all answer your own questions in writing me. And I love this. I love it. I love it because now I'm just going to repeat back to you in a more translated way what you just said to me. You have grown tremendously since y'all got together. Y'all been together for eight years, 27, 28, still young, but y'all are growing. Y'all grown people.
He has good dick. Yes. He's an amazing person. Yes. Looks good. Yes. You didn't say that, but I'm just going to say, you know, but he don't have his shit together. All right. Still after eight years and you've grown tremendously mentally, emotionally, you have grown because you're telling me you want a husband, but he's your best friend. Sometimes you don't have to marry your best friend. Sometimes people are
are meant to just be friends and best friends. Yeah, he's your best friend. He's not your soulmate. And you don't necessarily have to marry your soulmate, but it doesn't seem like y'all are really, really tied together anyway. When you outgrow somebody who just don't get it, who struggle with growing with themselves, sometimes you have to separate yourself from them because it's an equation, right? It's two people. So it's like a whole math problem. When you take away one number, you have the one number that stands alone. You
You have to leave him to figure that out for himself because you can't pull him up with you if he's not climbing. You understand what I'm saying? Because then he's dead weight.
So he has no aspirations. That's not your problem and you shouldn't make it your problem. Listen, you have no children. You have no biological ties to him. You have no obligation to him. You're not his wife. And before you decide to go ahead and settle and get there, you need to break it off. Let him find himself and come back to you if you feel that he...
is in fact the man that you would love to make your husband or that is going to make you his wife. He's your best friend is good. That's good. There's nothing wrong with him being your best friend. He does not have to be your husband though. He can just be your best friend. He's very comfortable where he is.
There are good things about him, but a person with no aspirations, that's not going to be a healthy marriage, especially with a go-getter like you. If you were just like him, yes, that would be more compatible, but you're not. You need a man, a motherfucking man slash husband. Okay? So yes, it's communication. I think you should tell him that you're leaving. No, no, no. Don't just skip to that. But honestly, you don't sound happy, babe. You really don't. So I think eight years is enough time.
for you to give to someone who's not helping you grow, who's not building with you. You need a strong foundation for one. It seems like you're the only foundation. You're the table. He didn't bring anything, but just good dick. Good dick is everywhere. It's a lot of bad dick too, but it's good dick everywhere. Don't go any further than eight years with this. Check in, let me know.
And the last one. Hey, Jess, I really need slash want you to fix my mess, but my mess is too much to type. And I know it's anonymous, but it's still personal. 75763. Hold up. Bitch, wait. Ma'am, I cannot call you. I'm not going to call you. What are you talking about? It's dealing with my relationship and happiness versus fear of losing out. As bad as I want to help you, bitch, I ain't going to call you. You know that.
So you better get the typing. Shit, these people funny as hell. We gonna end it just like that. Girl, now I really want to hear what she got. I might get Prince to call her. All right, listen. Everybody has a story and everybody needs help. If you don't know where to go, you don't know how to assess your situation properly, please send me a DM to the Carefully Reckless page. The DM. I repeat, Carefully Reckless Podcast Instagram.
Send all of your stories, your inquiries, all the advice needers. Y'all send messages to the DM on the Carefully Reckless page. I will not see them if y'all send it to my Jess Hilarious official page. It's so many. I stopped checking those DMs. You can also send your stories to the Reckless Discussions official page as well. I check both of those. I love helping y'all. I really, really do.
Make sure y'all fucking proofreading though, because it'd be a lot of shit that I'd be having to piece together, but I shouldn't have to put your story together to fix your shit. All right, put it together right. And just like that, we're going to end this episode. I love y'all. Make sure y'all tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday, 7 a.m. Tune into Reckless Discussions every Wednesday, 7 p.m. only on YouTube and in my deepest pan voice. Peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney. Always bet on Jags. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com.
Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.