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Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another, another, another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jessalarius. So listen, it's just me today. And I want to get into something very dark, hot, and steamy. All right? Now, yes, hot and steamy, but notice I said dark first.
So if you haven't been up on the series, you season three has dropped and is now streaming on Netflix. This is a show, right? A love show, a love twisted, dark romance and love show. Shout out to the main character, Penn Badgley, for two reasons. For one, he is from Baltimore, Maryland, born and raised.
And for two, he is a phenomenal actor. Now, You is about Joe Goldberg and his sick obsession with love. L-O-V-E. He stalks women. He falls deeply, deeply in love with a woman and will kill for her. Like, literally kill for her. And bitch, he will kill her too if she tries to leave. Crazy, right?
Now he stalks these women before he falls deeply in love with them. And they don't know this. They don't find out about who Joe really is until they wake up in a glass box by the end of each season, unknowingly preparing for their death. Now this is TV and it's scripted and it's sick, right? It's sick entertainment and it feels good to watch because it's TV. However,
There are real people out here that are so obsessed with love and being in love and being obsessed with having someone so badly that it drives them to do violent things. That's a real obsession. That's a real disorder, right? It's called obsessive love disorder. It's a real thing. What is obsessive love disorder? Okay, so the abbreviation is OLD, obsessive love disorder. And the real definition is a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with.
You might feel you need to protect your loved one obsessively or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession. Right now, that is Joe Goldberg all day. Right now, I know a lot of you out there who are listening may know of a person or someone close to you or even somebody that you love.
had to deal with that was so madly obsessed with you. It's dangerous. And that's why you gotta be careful who you fall in love with. You have to be careful to look at different signs and different advances people make and all that type of shit because there are men and women like that. And listen, while this has never been psychologically proven or classified or none of that type of shit, it's still real.
Because this disorder stems off of mental health illnesses. You know what I'm saying? This shit comes from deep rooted issues that you may have. And I have spoken about deeply rooted issues in a lot of my previous episodes, right? And if you've ever come in contact with a person with OLD, this is how you'll be able to know that they have the obsessive love disorder. These are some of their symptoms. They have an overwhelming attraction to a person. Like seriously, like overwhelming. Text, call.
If you don't call back right away, if you don't answer, they get upset. You don't return a text within 30 seconds. Oh, it's more Texas coming. Oh, what are you doing? Where are you constantly? Every day, all day, 24 seven. It's obsession.
Also obsessive thoughts about the person. You never know what they are thinking. A lot of times in some of the episodes of you, right? Joe would be thinking about a female that he has to beat off anywhere that he is. He will have to go and handle his manhood anywhere he is. It doesn't matter. I remember last season, season two, he was obsessed with love, love Quinn. That was just one of four women that he's obsessed with over the whole series, right? Prior to actually getting with her,
He was working at this grocery store. I think it was a grocery store. I'm not sure if it was a grocery store. I haven't watched season two since like last year or whatever, but I think he was working in like a bakery or a grocery store or something like that. And he would go in the back and masturbate like near the crates, like in the back. You know what I'm saying? Like we're stocking and all that shit is like where all the inventory is. You're beating off thinking about love Quinn, thinking about somebody in that that's her name, love Quinn.
That's obsessive thoughts about the person. Seriously. And that's just one example of obsessive thoughts. Also feeling the need to protect the person you're in love with. Now, listen, it's nothing wrong with protecting who you love. That goes a part of you being a man in a relationship and also being a woman. You want to protect yourself.
and provide but when it becomes obsessive it's a problem I'm going back to the show this is all perfect reference for this topic in the show I'm gonna go back to season one because I don't want to talk about season three because a lot of people haven't gotten a chance to watch it yet season one when he was in love with Beck Guinevere Beck that was his first victim that we know of he's done this shit before but this was the first victim that we seen him actually obsess over
She was dating this douchebag. Now, listen, she was dating him. He wasn't dating her. She was his fuck buddy. But how she felt about him was different. She wanted more. Right. Joe saw this. Now, she was already involved with this dude when Joe met her at the fucking library. He met her in the library. Joe killed him.
Joe fucking killed this guy to get him out of the way just to eliminate this guy so Joe can make a move. Everything is premeditated with this person. Everything is premeditated with a person who has obsessive love disorder because they're very calculated. They think about everything before they do it. Even if you watch the show, you see Joe's thoughts narrate every episode.
Because he's very calculated. He's a thinker. And he thinks a lot before he does shit. You'll see it. It's an amazing series, guys. Fucking mind blowing. So he kills the guy. Now also, Beck has a best friend who is madly obsessed and in love with her too. But not to the point that Joe is. Okay? She's just the best friend. And she does not like Joe. She's very territorial. And she's a rich, snobby bitch. Right? Her name is Peach. Beck's best friend.
He kills her too. He kills her. Like I'm talking about now he had good reason to not like these people, but just killing these people like it's no reason. And then one thing Joe knows how to do is to get rid of a fucking body and frame somebody else for a fucking murder. He is so smart. Okay. That's Baltimore City, y'all. Nothing to be proud of, but it's acting. So it's great. But that brings me to him being such a sociopath. He does not feel like.
The only thing he feels is love, the love that he wants to feel. You know what I mean? Like he won't even feel for the person that he's killed because he only has one goal and one agenda back or whoever he's in love with at the time. That's who I will kill anybody to be with that person. If somebody is coming in the middle of us or standing in the way, I will kill. And in his mind, it's protecting the person. But really, no, it's not.
Fucking sick and crazy. Obsessive love disorder. Possessive thoughts and actions. Listen, extremely jealous over other interpersonal interactions. Going back to the best friend. Joe is territorial. So was the best friend. But Joe is a different type of territorial. I will kill you, bitch. If you keep on coming around my bitch, I will kill you because she only needs to be around me. I'm the only one that can love her like this. I'm the only one that can be obsessed with her. I'm the only one that can protect her. I, I, I, I, I.
obsessive love disorder. Lastly, low self-esteem. A lot of times people who struggle with obsessive love disorder have low self-esteem. Another thing you have to know about people with OLD, they don't like rejection. They don't take that shit easily. No, no, no, no, no. And this shit is crazy. In a lot of cases, the symptoms coerce and at the end of the relationship or if the other person rejects you.
And these are other signs of the disorder. Repeated texts, emails, phone calls to the other person that they're interested in. A constant need for reinsurance. Nigga, I love you. I love you. I love you every day. Like they just need to know that like every day, 24-7, they need to know that you're there. They need to know you love them back. They need to know you miss them. They need to know that you miss them, that I need you. They need to know the need to feel needed by you is something else.
Difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person. Like seriously, they don't even want your family getting too close to you. All that type of shit. Friends you've had for years. That is a threat to them. People who have known you, people who know you more than that person. That's a threat to them. Monitoring the actions of another person. Listen, Joe would stalk.
every day even after they became his girlfriend and shit he will still stalk you to see what the fuck you doing to see if you're giving anybody else your time it doesn't even have to be cheating I'm talking about giving anybody your time you can speak to the motherfucking postman Joe gonna kill him that's just what it is that's obsessive love disorder also controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in that shit is crazy and then you got to think about why why the fuck
Would a person be this way? As I told you, as I mentioned early in the episode, it stems from other mental illnesses. Also, how you came up your childhood, like types of attachment disorders includes disinhibited social engagement disorder. That's D.S.E.D. and reactive attachment disorder. That's R.A.D. And they both develop during childhood from negative experiences and shit, you know, like with your parents or other adult caregivers.
In the show, you, Joe's mother, when he was a kid, she was getting abused. She was on drugs, but she was letting this guy beat on her and, you know, do foul things to her in front of Joe, in front of her child. And he was just a kid.
The guy even hurt him and the mother didn't really do shit. So as a kid, his first body was his stepdad. He killed the guy and the mother was so upset that he killed the guy. I guess, you know, that was her get high, buddy. That was her guy at the end of the day. That was her dude. She dropped her son off after that. She went and dropped Joe off at an all boys shelter or some shit like that. Like all boys group home where he would constantly get fucking bullied.
All he wanted was his mother to come get him. And he later on realized she was never coming. He would get bullied every fucking day because he was such a little boy. He was such a little, little weakling. You know what I'm saying? Like,
All he wanted was to go back with his mother. So he held on to that shit after being in there for years and years and fucking years. He held on to the fact that his mother would come back. He held on to that notion like she only dropped me off a little bit. She's coming back. You know, she dropped me off till she gets her shit together. That happens in real life a lot. She never came back. In fact, when he got out of the group home.
where he experienced a lot of fucking trauma, childhood trauma, even worse than before, the shit that his mom had put him through. He's seen his mom again with another little boy. She had went on and had another fucking baby and started a new life without him. And he came up to her, even as a kid still, and was like, who is this? Why would you drop me off and tell me that you coming back? Why would you drop me off? You know what the fuck I just had to go through? And then I come and find you with another little kid that you're loving and you looking all good now.
I'm talking about you look good. Like you look like you on your feet, bitch. And you didn't come back and get me. And she looked Joe and his baby little nine or 10 year old eyes and said, I'm sorry. It wasn't you. It was me, but I can't take you. Cause sometimes you just have to start over Joe without your fucking child, somebody that you gave birth to.
So that's just the backstory on why Joel Goldberg is fucked up. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.
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All right. So after that, he gets adopted by this fucking guy, this crazy fucking guy who was locking him up in a glass cage. Ring a bell. Yeah. Yeah. Locking him up, making him read books. Now, listen, it never showed if he was raping Joe or whatever, whatever, whatever. But it showed that that was still abusive. You know, you come from one abusive household and then you get thrown into this fucking group home and.
where you're abused by your peers and, you know, but in the only person that that is there to comfort you is one other friend who was getting abused and a nurse who was getting abused, you know, so that's all he knew as a kid. He grew up around a lot of abuse, a lot of abuse where he was being abused as well. Right. So that's all he knows, even in love, because he knows he wants to love, but he doesn't know how to. All he knows is abuse.
That brings me to borderline personality disorder and borderline personality disorder can cause you to be extremely angry, too extremely happy within a matter of minutes or hours. Like it's crazy how you can just switch. And a lot of people would refer to that as schizophrenia. But no, it's literally borderline personality disorder.
All of that shit goes hand in hand, but they're still very different at the same time. Anxious and depressive episodes also occur. You know, you got to think about it. When considering obsessive love disorder, personality disorders can cause switches between
Between extreme love for a person to extreme disdain very quickly. This is also obsessive compulsive disorder. Now, listen, I know we're speaking about obsessive love disorder, but it stems from obsessive compulsive disorder. So this is OCD. I know y'all have heard of this. It's a combination of obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals.
These are severe enough to interfere with your everyday life. OCD can also cause you to need constant reassurance, which we spoke about earlier, which can affect your relationships, your friendships, your bonds, everything. Because you're so obsessed with everything. People who suffer from this disorder also can be very fucking delusional. So listen, I had a stalker. I still have a stalker. I know that he's listening right now.
I've never seen this person before in my life. Now, listen, this is another reason why I can't open everybody's DMs and shit. So when people say I sent you a DM, listen, I see I see a lot of DMs that I would love to respond to. However, that's a dangerous game. I don't know who's on the other end of that username. You know, I don't know. You never know.
Right. He's a stalker. He's made fan pages. He's made fake pages with no profile picture, no post, no nothing. He has real pages like all types of pages, you know. And one day I had just responded to him. He was just very nice. And, you know, I would do that. It's kind of like fan appreciation. I'll just go through and the nicest DMs, I will respond. I'll be like, oh, thank you so much for uplifting me. And this keeps me going. And this is very inspirational and blah, blah, blah. Right.
I did that. He kept sending messages. That's all he needed was for me to see that shit. Kept sending messages, kept making pages, kept sending me all types of shit, like sending me collages of myself, pictures that I have taken. I'm talking about sending me videos of myself. He knows everything about me, everything that there is to find out about me online. He knows like all of that. This is when I knew it was crazy. So I would like open his DMs, but sometimes I would not respond. I would only respond.
to like every 50 messages. Okay, fine. And listen, he was sending about 100 a day. So I opened up one day and he was like, I saw you today down such and such. And I was at that fucking place. That fucking scared the shit out of me. Fucking sick. So now I put two and two together. Oh, this person is from my city. Scared as fuck. Okay? Scared as fuck.
So I immediately blocked that page. There was another one up within minutes hitting me again. Oh, did I scare you? I'm so sorry. I haven't opened up a message since then, but I literally know who it is because I know how this person talks. He even nicknamed me. And I know that you guys would love to hear the nickname, but I will not tell you the nickname. He literally knows everything about me that there is to know on the Internet.
that everything that I've put out there, everything, you know, he knows what I drive, like all that shit. That is fucking scary. That is a stalker. That is delusional. So let's get into the delusional part. He speaks to me as if we are together. He speaks to me as if I am his wife and that my son is his child and that we're going to have another child. He speaks to me that like this is already like like Joe's thoughts and the show you.
Because this is how Joe speaks about them in his mind. He replays constantly their life together, even when he doesn't even know the person. Like he imagines like he's delusional. Stalkers are delusional. People who have the obsessive love disorder are delusional.
Okay, so that brings me to current events. Now, we haven't done current events in a long time, but listen, this resonates with the topic today. Black woman stabbed and tortured for four hours by colleague who had feelings for her. Had to lie and say she shared similar feelings to save her own life. Now, listen, that person was obsessed with her. There was another woman who did that. An Asian woman did that shit to one of her black female colleagues whom she was obsessed with.
critically. She tortured this girl. Now, listen, it brings me back to the beginning when I told y'all, although you is a show, it's real shit. That's a real disorder. Although Penn Badgley is a phenomenal actor, that is really millions of people on this very fucking planet who do this shit, who suffers with obsessive love disorder.
To save her own life, the lady had to act as if she felt the same way about the lady that was torturing her. Her stalker. Because in all reality, the people with OLD feel like if I can't have you, no one will and you will not live.
And just like that, we have come to the end of this Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jessalary. So I want you to tune in next week. Also be careful. Be careful, y'all. Because it is a sick, cruel, obsessive fucking world out there. Happy October. And I love you guys so much. Peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going.
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Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Touring capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Touring Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.
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