You Are Not the Father
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Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪♪

Oh shit, we on the air. Welcome back to yet another, actually the second to last episode of season two's Carefully Reckless with your girl Jess Hilarious. Now we're going to jump right into Jess Fix My Mess. As I told y'all, I was just renewed for a season three, so I ain't going nowhere. I'm going to be right here with y'all and I'm going to keep on fixing y'all mess until y'all ain't got no more mess to fix. All right, we're going to jump right in. We do not have voice memos again this week.

Because I said these people, these females and these males, they catching on to y'all voice, y'all. They catching on. So y'all might have to go back to just strictly typing unless you don't care. Here we go.

I've been raising my ex-wife's daughter for over 15 years. She's 19 now. She doesn't know that I'm not her real father. And up until recently, I haven't had any problem doing so. But her mother and her family all of a sudden wants to invade and come in between me and my daughter when they didn't care or help me raise her in the first place.

I want custody of her and my other children after the divorce. I'm stuck going through this inside battle of whether or not I should inform her that I'm not her real father or should I just keep it quiet? Because lately she's been interacting with her mother and that side of the family more and she's acting different.

So that's all he said. All right. All right. Now, listen, I just want to first and foremost say thank you, brother, for submitting your story. You are a man. And I often say men do not open up and they do not open up to women.

So I want to first and foremost recognize you for being vulnerable enough to give me this story, you know, and to let me hear your story or whatever, because I know this is not something that you would probably just go around telling people, you know, whether that be your friends, your barber, your pastor, whoever you confide in, whatever guy you confide in. I thank you for coming to me. Okay.

Now, this is not your biological daughter, but you have raised her for 15 years. You met her mother and she was four when you met her mother. You married her mom and you took her on as one of your children. And you have other children biologically with her mother as well, who was your wife, who is now your ex-wife. All right. Now, from what I just read, it seems like you are currently in the middle of the divorce process.

Let me ask you a couple questions because you gave me a short and brief... You got straight to the point, but I just have a little bit of questions that I would like for you to follow up with me in this. So...

What, first of all, caused you two to split, if you don't mind me asking that, if it has nothing to do with your daughter, you feel like, or if it has nothing to do with why you think your ex-wife is acting this way, putting stuff in your daughter's head, because that's what could be going on. If you feel like the reason that you guys ended doesn't have anything to do with how your daughter is acting now or what your ex-wife could have told her, then we don't have to go into it. But why? What ended you guys?

Also, do you think that her mother has reconvened, not reconciled, but I mean reconvened, like just reach out with her ex? And this is your daughter's biological father. Do you think that there has been some conversation between your ex-wife and him that would prompt reconciliation?

him to want to meet his daughter or be in his daughter's life? Or do you think that your ex-wife is just being bitter, trying to take the only child that's not biologically yours from you because she knows that's a way to hurt you? You have to think of all these things.

You know, and then you didn't quite ask me a question as it relates to advice. But I think that you will want to know where you go from here. It's going to be hard getting custody of your daughter because she's not biologically yours. And we know how fucked up the court system can be and unfair they can be when it comes to situations like this.

Unfortunately, she would have to sign her rights over to you because you are not baby girl's real father, you know, biological. I don't want to say real father because you are indeed a real father to her. I don't have a doubt about that in my mind. You're sitting here telling me you want to get custody of her and you've raised her for 15 years when nobody else did anything. You stepped in and you did that. And that little girl is always going to love you for that.

But I also can't ignore when you said she is now acting funny. Now take into account her age. She's 19. She's just seen her parents split.

You know, you two, you and her mother, you guys split. I don't know how nasty the divorce was. I don't know how much she was exposed to. I don't know if she saw the negative of it and didn't see it in a positive light. You guys were together since she was four. You are all she knows. You know, so I don't know if this divorce is playing a big part in how she's acting.

You know, maybe she just wants you two together. Maybe people are putting things in her head. She's been spending a lot of time with her mom and that side. And, you know, she may be even getting a little curious because she may have heard someone say, that ain't your dad. That is just your mom's ex-husband. You were already here when she met.

Your father, you know what I'm saying? You were already here when she met, you know, your name. I don't want to say your name. Well, I actually don't know it, but, you know, I want to keep this all anonymous. I think also another way to look at her acting funny and you being a little up in the air with telling her that you're not a real father, her biological father and her seeking whoever he is or whatever. Yeah.

I think that you should look at it this way. I watch a lot of paternity court, honey, and that is not your life. I'm not trying to, you know, inflict anything on you or project what I have seen on you because I don't know your situation up and down, back and forth, inside and out. I know what you told me. But you have to leave room for a child who never knew or never have been close or had a close relationship with one of her biological parents.

You have to leave room for them to want to do that, to grow up and actually want to know who their real dad is, especially if someone already put that bug in their ear. That ain't your real dad. So and so ain't your real dad. That's going to open me up to, you know, me speaking as your daughter. That's going to open me up to, oh, well, who is my real dad?

And it's going to be no love lost for my dad that has raised me, the only dad that I've known. But I would like to know where I come from. I would like to know why I act this way sometimes and I don't get it from my mother. I would like to know why the other half of me

is this way. And it's not like you, dad. Maybe she has questions that she would like to ask this man. Why haven't you ever come for me? Why did you let another man take on the role of my real father? Why did you let another man raise me?

What happened? What did I do? You know, maybe she just has these questions. She's 19, you know, so she is growing into a young adult and she is well entitled to know her biological father.

This may not be something that you want to hear. And then, you know, it could be many reasons why you don't even want her to go down that road or why you don't, you know, don't think it's suitable for her to meet him or to take him on as a dad or start a relationship with him. You may know things about him.

That may put her in danger. You know, you may know things about him that that's not good for her, that you don't want her to be exposed to. You may not just want her to be let down again because this man has done this shit to her before for fucking 14 years. So I do understand why you're trying to protect your baby girl. She is definitely entitled to

And with well within her right to know who her biological daddy is. And that doesn't take anything from you. I think you need to go and take your baby to lunch and you need to talk to her and try to get inside of her head. You've been raising her for the last 15 years. You know her, you know her, you know, that's how you're able to see that she's acting funny. Take her and sit her down and talk to her. That's your daughter. She may not be yours biologically, but you are her daddy. So I think that

You should talk to her without her mom, without, you know, she's old enough to understand everything that you'll ask her. Ask her what's going on. Get us out of her mind. Let her know you'll always be there for her. But let her know it is indeed her decision if she wants to meet her real father. I think you should be honest with her and tell her that, no, I am not your biological father. But I raised you since you were four. I cannot stop looking at you like you're not mine. You are mine.

But I'm willing to share you with your biological dad if that's what you want. Because at the end of the day, it's all about her. Forget the wife or, you know, forget her mom. Forget, you know, this is about you and your baby. And whatever she wants, you have to support her in that.

So I want you to do that. And I want you to answer those questions for me. Write me back. Update me if you can and if you want to. Like I said, you're already doing something that you probably don't usually do, and that's open up about your personal life, you know. So and I totally commend you on raising someone else's child as yours.

Honestly, that's why a lot of men don't get married to women with a lot of kids or even just one kid. My son's dad don't even like dating women with children as if he ain't got 85 of them. But sometimes that's just the man's preference and we have to respect that. Just like we have to respect a woman's preference. We have to respect a man's preference as well. Talk to her. Talk to your baby.

You seem like you want well, you mean well, and you seem like you do well by her. You do. You do great by her. So check back in with me. Thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about, like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.

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Moving on. Oh, look, she getting straight to the point, honey. She said, I need in. Baby daddy got weird after I bossed up and got a tax company. He's in the streets and was taking care of me. Now I'm making my own bag. And he even acting funny with my son. Help me! With like 32 exclamation points. Okay. So girl, you gave me a little bit, but I understand what you gave, but you could have gave me a little bit more, girl. I need to figure, girl, I'm

I'm gonna get your ass. All right. So you said your baby daddy got weird after you bossed up and got your own company. You got a tax company. Okay, cool. So for everybody who needs their taxes done, damn, I can't even put your business out there. I can't even, you know, help you grow your business.

Get you some clients because this is anonymous and I will not say your name. Okay, okay. You have a tax company and your baby daddy is in the streets on the other hand. So he is doing his thing out there in the streets or whatever and he was taking care of you, but you bossed up on him and you went legit.

You wanted a legitimate business. And I guess he got tired of you not needing him anymore is what it sounds like because he wanted you to need him. Guys really like that. They want to have a sense of power and not saying want to control you, but maybe that's really what it was about him. He wanted power.

He wanted you to need him for something. You have his child. So that's an obligation right there. That's an attachment factor right there. You guys have a baby and you said your son. So your baby boy, he's not even doing anything for him anymore because he's very spiteful and bitter at the fact that you bossed up and now you don't need him.

I feel like you're leaving some shit out. I feel like something is that that ain't that ain't unless he ain't in his right mind. He should want his baby mama to boss up legitimately. That could motivate him to get off the streets or even to clean his money, as they say, because you know how a nigga always want to clean his money, baby, through somebody that's legit.

However, you ain't say all of that. You ain't say a lot of shit. And I think you keeping it away. You asked me to help you. I don't know how to help your ass. I mean, you ain't telling me nothing. You ain't telling me nothing. And I know you ain't and I don't care. So I ain't going to give you no advice as of right now. And so you come back and you let me know the real. All right. You let me know exactly what's going on. What did you do to him? What did he do to you? What do you think it is other than you bossing up?

Did you meet somebody? Did he find out that she was fucking with somebody else? Did you go back to an ex? Did you something? Did you constantly put him down when he was in the streets? When you went legit, when you got your tax company, did you down him because he was still in the streets? Did you try to degrade him in any way because you said he took care of you? He took care of you. Because if that happened, he could in return feel like, oh, bitch, I was taking care of you. You wasn't tripping off the street money when it was taking care of you.

You know what I'm saying? When you was living the lavish lifestyle, I don't know how lavish it was, but you said he took care of you. You didn't have anything to say about it. Or maybe you did have something to say about it, but you ain't had that much to say where you wanted me to stop because you were being taken care of. Now you get your business and that was fuck me. Tell me what happened.

Because there's something you ain't saying, baby girl. And when you do, give me more clarity. I will help you fix your mess up and down. Now we got a commercial. And if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

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Moving on.

He done been with multiple stalker women, women that have threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror. I want nothing more for us to be friends and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb he is being. We used to be able to co-parent to a degree. Now it's all bad.

I really need a phone conversation to provide detail, but we need Jesus and a public eye. Well, first of all, you're going to have to pick. You can't have Jesus and a public eye all at the same time because it got to be something private enough for you to get this shit together behind closed doors and then bring it to the forefront. So y'all can be ready to teach others who's going through this shit right now that y'all going through. So you find Jesus first.

And then a public eye in that order is what I'm talking about. But first, we're going to start with me trying to fix your mess. All right. So in the beginning, that was very interesting. I think I read a story like this before. You said, no, you don't think nobody can fix this at all. And listen, that tells me that it is fresh and new because you want it to just be over with like a snap of a finger. And it don't go like that. You and this man obviously have been together for a long time. You guys are

Not only have one kid, you have kids. And what I mean when I say fresh, I mean you guys are freshly done, not just fresh meeting each other. I'm talking about y'all can't seem to let each other go. And that's probably where the women comes in. He's trying to use the women as a distraction to get over you because you still fucking him. Like you said, he's only compliant when we're fucking. Stop fucking him and stand on it and stand by it.

You know, feelings get all involved in shit and you probably a little bit more over him than he is over you. So he gets upset every time you go sleep with him thinking that it's hope for y'all to get back together. And when you shut it down, he shuts you down and the kids, which is not bad. I'm not justifying it, but leave that pussy out of the equation. Girl, you better wrap that snapping turd up. Get a damn turtleneck for it.

You don't need to be sleeping with him. You know he ain't in his right mind. Shit, he got bitches threatening your damn babies. All of that. Now, I don't think that he would ever. Let me ask you. I don't even know y'all. But do you think he would actually let a woman hurt you guys' children? You know, your children. Do you think...

that he would actually really do that or this is something just to get back at you it you know what I'm saying because I feel like he is very bitter because and then I can't even say he bitter because you're the one leading him on I think I think you don't know how strong that shit is in between your legs I really feel like you don't know I feel like you use him for sexual convenience and he wants more and I feel like you're done there all you use him for is sex

You just want him to be a great daddy to your kids and a great daddy in the bed every now and then. But you can't have that and expect for him to act sane. I need for you to cut all of that shit out that you got going on. That's where it starts. But no, on a more serious, serious, serious. And I was serious about everything I said, trust and believe. But on a more serious, serious note, he needs to check the women that he is bringing around the kids.

I wouldn't be okay with no other woman being around my children if you're threatening my children. You know, that means he doesn't have his children's best interest.

And have you brought this up to him? Have you guys talked about it? Like, like, what is it? And then how is he throwing court up in your face? Court, court, court. Like what is he threatening to take the children? Is he threatening to get joint custody? Is he threatening to take you downtown? What, how does he threaten you with court? I want to know that. And you said multiple stalker women. So now are they stalking you? Are they stalking you and the kids? Are they stalking him? I need to know. I need to goddamn know.

And are you dating somebody? I need to know that as well, because that also will play a part in his bitterness as well. Because he may feel like, damn, how the fuck can you just feel like you can fuck me when you want? Then you dating this person and then I'm supposed to be just saying, complying over here, just got it. Like he's too deep in his feelings to separate daddy from you.

Zaddy. I like that. He's chewing his feelings to separate daddy from Zaddy. Okay. And it's like, you ain't helping it, Miss ma'am. And you know this man more than any of these other women know this man. So I think you know what you doing. You just want to be able to have your cake and eat it too.

And you're not ready to assess him when he has these little temper tantrums and shit, because that's exactly what it is. You said that he continues to be a terror and you want nothing more than for you guys to be friends. It's not like y'all need to come on co-parenting with me in Rome. That's what the hell it sound like. It's sounding like that. So I need for when you update me, Miss Ma'am, you need to let me know where you are and how we can get you on the show. You and him.

And if he's willing to do so, because you said you need a public eye, honey, I'm going to put you in front of a public eye. All right. I'm going to give you the public eye. I just need for you to stop sleeping with him, especially if you really, really, really want that bond with him outside of intimacy. If you really, really want to look up and be like.

Me and Rome, we're really, really good friends. We will never stop being good friends. It is what it is. It's always going to be that way. If you really want that, you have to stop intimately messing with him. Like you can't sleep with him, babe. You can't. Now, if that's what you want, then go get your man. Go get your baby daddy and make him your man again. But if that ain't what you want, that can't be what you end up getting when you just want some sexual pleasures. Okay?

All right? So write me back and let me know. We've come to the end of the second to last episode of season two of Carefully Reckless with your girl, Jess Hilarious. And look, I'll be right back. I'll be right back. So we got the last episode next week and then I'm going straight into season three. You know why? Because I love y'all so much. And I found my niche with this thing. I think I'm good. I think we're going to be good. I think we're going to be good. We're going to be all right. And with that being said in my deepest pan voice, peace.

I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.

Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get in on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from

the real talk so grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T AT&T connecting changes everything requires trading of galaxy s note and z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for zero dollars additional fees terms and restrictions apply see att.com slash samsung or visit an AT&T store for details

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