conquering your inner critic, breaking up with external validation & reinventing yourself ft. bella kaye
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Hello and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things self-love, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm a three-time author, content creator, avid traveler, entrepreneur, and matcha enthusiast. You are at the right place if you're ready to rediscover the love within, align with your purpose, and unleash your highest potential. It's time to claim your power.

Hello guys and welcome back to another episode of Claim Your Power podcast. I am coming at you live from the Spotify studios in Los Angeles and today I'm extra excited because I have one of my close friends Bella Kay with me on today. She is my guest of honor and she's here in the studio. Hi!

And Bella is amazing. I've known Bella for so many years, and she is a musician and an artist, but she's also a spiritual queen. And we are here to talk all about conquering your inner critic, breaking up with external validation, and reinventing yourself. So Bella, welcome to Claim Your Power. Thank you for having me on. I'm so excited to be here. She said we're live at Spotify, and it's so cool here. It's...

Shout out to Spotify, guys. Spotify is our baby. I am a Spotify girly forever. Anyways, so maybe you can start by telling just like a little about yourself and your spiritual journey, because obviously, like I know you, but just for my listeners to kind of know who Bella is. Yeah, so I am a singer-songwriter, and I've always...

I've always had a really big love for music and expressing myself through music. So I would say that's been a really big outlet for me starting since I was really young. And then I started writing my songs, which has been a really great way for me to cope with feelings and process. And I found songwriting before I found spirituality. But I definitely think there's a huge correlation there because that was

That's always been such a big way for me to process and just really get my thoughts out on paper. So I would say my spiritual journey started after I went through...

a breakup and a really hard year in 2021. It was really difficult. There was a lot of things going on in my family life and just environment that just completely flipped upside down. So at the end of 2021, I found a

mindset coach. And that was the first time I really started to think about our thoughts affecting our reality. And all this information was like so eye-opening to me. I was like, oh my gosh, what? You can change the way you think, which changes your reality. It was just crazy. And from there, it was really this progression. 2022, I would say the end of the year, I had a spiritual awakening. And then I

journey has just evolved from there. And I feel like this year has been gone through a lot and has really been pretty pivotal in terms of really getting to know myself and cultivate real self-love and which ties in very deeply to our episode theme here to take our power back into not give it away to so much external noise and wanting validation. So yeah, if that's

It's a little summary. There it is. Love it. Thanks for sharing, Bella. Bella is amazing. And what I love about her is that she's...

She really is someone who's so, like, in tune with Source energy. Aw. Just, like, we were driving up to L.A. today together and we were talking all about feminine energy and womb wisdom. Yes. And, like, all this stuff that a lot of women, like, don't even know about. And it's so amazing for me. And I feel so lucky that we have our friendship. Yeah. And we can talk about those deep things and, like, really bring each other up and celebrate each other's successes, which is so important. Yeah.

And I want to talk a little bit, start off the episode, like let's talk about the inner critic and the ego, because I think both of us have dealt with that inner critic in our own ways, especially being creators and artists. I think that comes to full expression for us in a lot of ways. So how did you first become aware kind of to your ego and your inner critic? Yeah, I think the first step

was cultivating an understanding of what it is and being able to differentiate it from the true self or from who we truly are. So I like to think of it as the ego is this part of us that analyzes. It's the part of us that looks to the external world and tries to change ourselves or shape ourselves to

fit in with other people's wants or to do what we think we need to do. And it's this part of us that is hyper analytical and critical of ourselves. So if you find yourself always criticizing or, you know, pointing something out negatively, the self-doubt,

And that's typically your ego because the true self, who we truly are, is really love at its core. And it's this part of us that knows that we are source. We are connected to source. And what we have to offer is unique. So we are unique beings. And the ego, it comes in very sneaky ways.

So it can present itself as very spiritual, right? I was about to say that there's the spiritual ego that when you start getting on a spiritual journey, your ego starts to come out where maybe you skip a day of meditation or you skip a day of journaling and then you hear your ego being like,

you're not spiritual because you didn't meditate. Yes. Yep. And I can tell you firsthand, I have experienced so much of that, especially with journaling, because I started journaling and that was a really, really helpful outlet for me. And then it became something where it was almost like this routine. So I did journaling every night. And then what if one night I can't do journaling? Or what if I don't even really feel like it? What if I want to do meditation or read?

there's this voice being like oh nope you have to journal you have to journal that is a spiritual ego that is the ego that is not the soul that is not the soul no yeah it goes so deep and I and I do see the spiritual ego really present and the spiritual community online where you know if you're not vegan or if you don't have these certain beliefs or if you don't live your life this way

suddenly like you're less than, you're inferior, you're less spiritual. And I think it's really important for me to kind of bring this point on to anyone listening. If you're on a path of self-development, that makes you spiritual. Just because like you're not religious or just because you don't meditate every single hour of the day or like you live secluded in the woods doesn't make you any less spiritual. And I think it's really important because that's something that I had to kind of come to terms with.

Because I thought, oh, like spiritual people do yoga and they meditate and they dress a certain way. But like that has nothing to do with spirituality. Like I love to dress like the most classy girl with like pearls and heels. And I am spiritual the Lulu's sister. So it really has nothing to do with that, you know? Exactly. And I think if we were to even take it on a deeper level, like

So we want to be spiritual. Well, now, what are we even making spirituality mean? So are we making ourselves better then? Because, oh, we're spiritual. So...

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like the spiritual ego. Right. The spiritual ego. So it's like, oh, well, I have to journal. I do this. And now I'm better than everyone else. Well, that's not spirituality at all. Right. Yeah. And I think that's I think when you see people like that, that also reflects a part of yourself that doesn't fully accept yourself. Yeah. Which we can really get into that this idea where your inner critic and your ego, what I think is so important to understand about it that I've learned through my own journey, it

It's not good or bad. It's just trying to protect you. That's literally your ego's job, period, is to protect you. And that's why it brings up your fears, your limiting beliefs, your setbacks, because it doesn't want to see you getting hurt. But at the same time, that's like a false reality because your ego is just trying to keep you small. It's a part of yourself. We all have light and shadow. No one's perfect, 100% light, and no one's 100% evil. Like we all have those two sides.

It's just what side of that life do we give power to, you know? Exactly. That was...

a beautiful definition of the ego. I'm like, wow, I don't know what to say for that. That was good. No, the ego is something that is so interesting. And one of my favorite quotes, I don't know if you've heard this quote, but it says, the ego says, once everything falls into place, I'll be happy. Yes. But the soul says, I'll be happy and everything falls into place. Yeah. And you know, what's actually come up for me recently is this idea that actually the things I want

I can do this now. I can take this action now. The ego sets up all these conditions like, oh, like what you were just saying, I'll be happy when this happens or even in terms of like following your dreams or taking the next step. I'll be able to do this when this occurs. But all those conditions, what I found for me personally is they keep changing. They keep changing and it keeps pushing it off and it's

I've come to really realize like, no, the time is now. The time is now to do what you want to do. The time is now to take that next step. And when you're so stuck in what the ego is telling you, it's really hard to

It's really hard to see that. Right. Because I think at the end of the day, your ego is just a false mask that's trying to keep you from your highest potential. Yeah. And so if you give it power, that's just going to end up holding you back. But deep down, your soul knows exactly what you're destined for. And the ego can come up with a million excuses of why you shouldn't. Definitely.

Follow that dream. Why you shouldn't open your heart again? Why you shouldn't take that leap? The ego will come up with every excuse to keep you small. But the question is, are you going to give your ego power or do you become an observer of it? So it never disappears. And the thing about the ego is it always comes out to play in different ways. So you think you killed it off and then it's like lurking on the sidelines in another way. But I think...

What's so beautiful, I think, about practices like journaling and meditation, why they're so powerful is they allow you to become...

very present with the ego and become an observer of it and not absorb it. Yes, that is exactly key. And I was just going to say that being an observer is so, so, so important because it allows you to take that step back from your thoughts and realize that you are not your thoughts. And then to actually give yourself space to really see what it's saying and

Right. Right.

And we can definitely dive more into intuition later on. But I did want to talk about the topic of external validation. And I think that recently in my life in the past year, I've been going through like a long term breakup with the need of approval for others. And this has been a lesson that has come up for me time and time again in different ways.

Until I've really made peace with the fact that I don't need other people to like me. I don't need to be perfect in other people's eyes. I don't live to earn the respect or the approval of other people. I'm just here to be me. I'm just here to be my authentic self and to express joy and radiate love.

And I think we've both kind of gone through our own personal journeys with that. I mean, you being a singer from a young age has definitely given you those. And we can get into your story. But also for me as well, like just being a creator and having...

a public platform online there's a lot of opinions about you and this is something that I even dealt with when I was younger in high school when I didn't even wasn't I wasn't even a creator but you know you deal with that stuff in high school and you deal with that stuff when you're younger with other people's opinions and especially if you're someone who's always kind of felt like the sheep I don't I bet that most of my listeners have known what that feeling is yeah anyone who's very

spiritual and intuitive has felt like a sheep one time in their life they felt like the odd one out because they would see the world in one way or they would feel like they don't belong somewhere because sometimes you're not meant to belong in those old systems you're meant to build new ones right so let's definitely dive into that

Yeah, I bet you if you're listening right now, you have dealt with the need and the want of other people's approval. I feel like it's something that we can really all relate to. And yeah, I've really had to come to realize that

There is no way that you can possibly please everyone. And I feel like the need for external approval is really tied into people pleasing, which is something that I really struggled with. And what I've come to realize is that you are only really living half of your life, basically, if you're always doing it, trying to get other people's approval.

And other people's approval, it's fleeting. They may give you it one day, but maybe they're just in a really good mood because here's the thing. People can only give you what they're already giving themselves. So that was something huge for me to really realize. And another thing is...

I think there's a direct correlation with self-love, self-worth, and external validation because the higher your self-worth, the less you need external validation because you

You realize that you can give yourself that love and approval. And also, why are we giving so much power to what other people have to say? Right. But it's tricky. It's really tricky because we can say this and it's like, oh, it just resonates so deeply. And we're like, yes, we're feeling empowered. But then we have something we want to do.

And then we're so worried about what other people are thinking. Right. And it's hard. It's really hard. Some mentality that's really helped me that I really swear by and I really hope that anyone listening can adapt this to is,

is whenever I feel myself going down that rabbit hole of, oh my God, what will they say? How will they perceive me? I just remind myself that I would rather be judged my whole life than spend my whole life living an unwasted potential. Because at the end of the day, you're going to die at some point. Obviously, your soul is eternal, but your human experience at some point, your soul will leave this earth forever.

and you will look at your experiences at the people you met at the things you've accomplished and you don't want to look and see what your soul was destined for and see it on a paper and see it out there right and then think to yourself oh my god if only I didn't care what other people thought of me I would have done all this good I would have done all this service I would have empowered myself and learned all these lessons and so that's something that really anchors me down this idea that

I would rather just go after my dreams, go after my goals and be who I am. Not just let's not even talk about just career. I think a lot of external validation also like has to do with the need to be loved, the need and friendships like this stems every single aspect in life. And I think it's because as a young child, we've been conditioned to need it so much. But think about kids. They run around naked, barefoot.

They do whatever they want. They experience their emotions in the present moment. When they're angry, they're angry. When they're happy, they're happy. They don't care what other people think because they're free. And that is our birthright. That's the thing that we need to realize. That is our birthright. That's our soul. Kids are just innocent.

And they don't, they're not caught up in all these limiting beliefs and they're their true selves. And that's always should be our goal is come back to our inner child and remind ourselves that's our birthright. Like we're meant to live our life like that. We're not meant to scrabble for other people's opinions because to be completely honest, anyone who's judging you for trying to do something with your life is

is already below you. It's someone who is really, anyone who's trying to bring you down is already below you. And I'm not saying that from like a place of arrogance, just a place of perspective is ask yourself, how much power are you giving to someone trying to bring you down? Exactly. And you know, another thing that has been so, so huge for me, especially this year, I've like really had to remind myself of it this year.

everything is a projection and a mirror. So people are always projecting. So they're projecting their belief systems. They're projecting how they feel about themselves. So let's say you have a dream and you really want to go after it and someone's judging you. They're saying, oh, you can't do that. You can't make it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, that's just because they don't feel in themselves that if they were to do that, that they would make it. Or there's other limiting beliefs. And this goes back to childhood. So

That's really huge. And it's also it's empowering for me to bring in compassion, too, and be like, you know what?

wow, honestly, that's really sad. If you're trying to bring me down right now, if I'm just shining and I'm glowing in my light and you're not happy that I'm happy. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Like I feel bad for you. Yeah. Like they can't join your life. It's so sad. And that's, that's the thing is don't get angry when somebody judges you and don't get triggered. Have compassion. I always say that too, for anyone listening, they already know this. Like I always say,

Feel bad for people who have hurt you and have tried to bring you down because those people are so deeply hurt, so much more than you think, and they don't need more hate. Those people need more compassion, and that's how...

Because the thing is, people also change. Like, I think back about, like, when I was, you know, really, like, young, when I was, like, 13. And I had certain friends that weren't kind to me. And they would say mean things to me. And I think back, those girls were so young. Like, they're probably not those people anymore. And those girls were very insecure. They were probably going through things in their life. They lacked compassion. Right.

And so when I look back, like years later, I think, oh my God, those girls just needed love in that moment. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, really insecure people will project their insecurity and really they're going through their own hurt and their own sadness. And it's hard in that moment sometimes when they're projecting it onto you and it's hard to remember that, but

What helps me is remembering it, but then, like you just said, also bringing in the compassion and, like, and honestly, like, okay, the best thing, the highest and best thing we can do right now is to just send them love. Right. It's like, wow, you know what? And it's hard. It's really hard. Yeah. And it's not for the weak to send someone who's hurt you love. Right. And in a way, it reminds me of forgiveness, like, forgiving those who have hurt you. Right. Because that's really going to help you. So, yeah.

you know, sending them love is going to help you. Right. Healed people, healed people. Yeah. Hurt people, hurt people, but healed people, heal people. And when we were talking earlier, something that I thought of is,

People sometimes, most of the time, what I've learned is when somebody spews out you hate or criticism or judgment, it's not because you don't have potential. It's the opposite. It's because some part of them sees that potential and is triggered by it instead of inspired. Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's so true. And that's something that I really learned because...

Now, I look back, for instance, when I started Claim Your Power and I was talking to this person about the podcast. I had done like three episodes, maybe four episodes.

And they were asking me like, oh my God, how many listeners do you have? Like, have you made any money? And I was saying like, no, like I have like 10 listeners and I've made $0. And I said like, but I'm really passionate and like I believe in it. And, you know, like for me when I was like, it's not about the money. It's not about the listeners. Even if I'm impacting one person through my voice, like that's fulfilling to me. And yeah.

I said that and they were judging me and they were saying like, you know, like, don't feel bad. Like most podcasts, like don't succeed. Like, don't feel bad if yours is a flop. Like, da, da, da. And just like, you know, like backhanded compliments. Oh, yeah. When someone like tries to act like they care about you, but they're actually saying something like that tries to bring you down. Yeah. So that was kind of the situation. That was two years ago. And yeah.

I remember after that, like feeling really insecure. And I remember I took a break from the podcast because of what they said. I didn't podcast for like a month because I didn't believe in myself for a second. I let their words get in my way. And I think back that I am so happy that I gathered the courage to keep going because now I'm on Spotify. So believe in yourself. I bet you that person would come back around in your DMs asking you how you did it. Yeah.

And listen, and that's the thing. Like, I hope this story inspires anyone listening just about any venture that you want to do in life. Doesn't have to be a podcast. It could just be even healing yourself, whatever it is. Like, remember that people will say what they say and you choose if you're going to give that your power or not. And you choose if you're going to let that be your maker. Because I remember after that conversation, after feeling bad about myself for a good month and thinking that I'm a flop,

I remember just being like, no, no, I'm going to come back to my mission. My mission isn't to be famous. My mission isn't to make a ton of money. My mission is to help others and be in service of others and help myself in the process and heal myself. And I just came back to my mission. And every time after then that I would film a podcast episode, I would set the intention like, dear universe, I just hope that this episode reaches anyone who needs to hear it. Even if it's just one person, I hope.

and I just kept going I kept going and slow and steady and slow and steady and that's what happens when you stay consistent with your soul you get to where you're meant to be yes exactly and that's so beautiful and I think it's so important to remind yourself of your mission and your purpose and to do it from that energy versus like you could have had that experience happen and you could have been like

Oh, I'm so upset. But you know what? I do. I do want to do my podcast. So now I'm going to do it in this energy of trying to prove myself to everyone to prove that I can make it. Right. But really, that's not going to that's not going to serve you. It's coming from such a negative, like wrong perspective.

external validation in a way, you know, that's the same thing we were just talking about coming from that energy. Yes. And I did notice that a lot of people, this is subconscious to all of us, but some of us sometimes seek certain successes or seek to be in that new relationship or make that money or whatever.

Because we don't genuinely want it. We want it to be some part of our identity. You know what's something that I realized that I was in a very wounded feminine a couple years ago is when I would end something with a guy. I just would work on myself so hard. And I would work on myself and I would have a glow up, but I would do that because...

I wanted him to regret. Right. I wanted him to realize my worth. Or it's like making your ex jealous. Yeah, things like that. Or even just like, you know, wanting to be successful. Like what you said, that person's probably in my DMs. Right. I don't care. The thing is, because I never, my success has nothing to do with that person. If they're in my DM, I'll send them love. I'll be like, you know what? I do remember you not believing in me. And I appreciate that you projected that limiting belief onto me.

And that I didn't listen to it. And I send you love and I send you healing because that's the energy where you want to come from. And I see so many people, including myself, sometimes doing things out of spite to get that external validation. And that's kind of where the ego slithers in again. Yeah. Is when you're successful, where you're glowing up and when you're happy or whatever. Are you actually glowed up and happy and content with yourself? Or are you doing it so somebody else realizes what they lost?

Or somebody else regrets how they treated you. Because that's not divine energy. That's still the ego. It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to ChumbaCasino.com. It's like having a mini social casino in your pocket.

Chumpa Casino has over 100 online casino-style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus now at ChumpaCasino.com. Sponsored by Chumpa Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. Exactly, and you really have to... I'm a big believer, of course, in service and serving others and helping each other heal and serving and all of that, but...

Ultimately, you have to glow up. You have to go after your dreams. You have to make choices for yourself because really you're living for yourself. And of course, you're living to help the world and help serve others. But on the fundamental level, like if you're not happy with something and you're doing it for somebody else.

That is no fulfilling way to live. And it is going to be a constant game of just chasing. Yeah, it's not sustainable. Yeah. It might give you instant gratification in the moment. Like, oh my God, this guy likes me or oh my God, I got these amount of followers or I got this new job or whatever. But at the end of the day, if you're not genuinely happy within yourself,

if you're not content within yourself, that's not sustainable. And I say that in like the most loving way possible to myself too, because I definitely have those moments where crave something from the ego. And that's the thing that I also noticed. Sometimes the universe won't give you something or something won't manifest. And if that's happening, if you keep getting a block, you have to ask yourself, does my soul want it? Or does my ego want it?

Yes. You know what that reminds me of? For instance, when I was young, we used to act together. Oh, yes. And I had this dream of being an actress. And I think to myself, I still act and I love acting. But I think to myself, like when I was young, why I wanted that dream. And...

I think it was definitely a love for acting. Like, I found the other day old – I'll show you later – but, like, old videos of me doing monologues, and they're so embarrassing. I bet we could find our movie that we did. Oh, my God, no. Bury it. Don't even tell them the name. Guys, don't Google it, please. I actually don't remember the name. I also don't remember the name. But if you look like IMDb – No, no, stop, stop.

Anyways. People Google me. They're going to find weird stuff on me. Oh, yeah. I don't want that either. Yeah. Anyways. So I thought about why I wanted to be an actress back then. And I think it was a mix of the fact that I was really passionate about acting and performing and like,

doing that work but also I think I had this like a deep desire to be seen and deep desire that oh if I'm famous like if I'm an actress like I'll finally be accepted like oh yeah I'll finally be valued and respected by my peers and people will finally like me and this was like a limiting belief I had as a child and now as an adult I've been thinking a lot about that

That's probably why I never kind of had like a big break with acting. And it ended up my career ended up manifesting in like a whole other sector, which is still kind of like in performing in the public eye and speaking, but in a less egoic sense, like content creation and podcasting is completely different. But it still touches on my passion for speaking and being out there. And honestly, I think it's.

In a way, it's different, but in a way, even more powerful because you're just speaking naturally and you're being your authentic self and you're just glowing naturally with acting, which is great, but you're being another character. Exactly. So it's interesting how that kind of happened. Yeah. So that's what I was thinking about how that dream kind of never came to fruition. And I'm glad it didn't because that wasn't something that my soul really wanted. It was something that my ego wanted. Now, I'm not saying like I still love to act, but as a kid,

that's what I wanted to be that Disney star. Yeah. You know, every kid that acts wants to be that Disney star. And I think about how as a kid, like that was so not meant for me because I didn't want it for the right reasons. Even though I loved acting, it was very wounded because I didn't have many friends back then. I wanted to be liked. I thought, oh, if I'm famous or if I'm an actress, people will like me. And it's it's not sustainable. And I

I'm happy it didn't come to fruition. So where I'm going with this is sometimes we want things that our soul doesn't actually need or doesn't actually truly want. Our ego wants it. And I think if you're seeing roadblocks along your dreams or your goals, it's really important to ask yourself and be introspective and ask yourself, is this what I really want?

Or is this my ego? Because if it's my ego, then there's going to keep being a block until I come face to face with this fear, with this limiting belief. Yeah, exactly. And ask yourself, too, like, what are you really seeking? If it's your ego...

Okay, so I want to be famous. So then what's this really seeking? Oh, I want to be accepted and I want to feel love. And maybe you even think that being famous puts you on a pedestal. And that's just an example there. But that's a really big one. And then another thing I was thinking about while you were talking was

If it is a soul dream and it is something that deep down you know you really want to do, which honestly, I feel like when it's a soul dream, it presents itself with a lot of fear. So it's sort of like, you know, deep down you need to do something, but you're not doing it. You're not taking the action. And that's the ego actually trying to protect you to try and not to let you take the action.

But in terms of that, it's really helpful to ask yourself, what am I believing about this and what story am I telling myself? Right. And this is something I have had to do. And in doing this, I've really realized, oh, my gosh, I'm actually telling myself a story that.

isn't even my own. Like, these are just other people's beliefs and thoughts that I have been absorbing and this identity that I actually no longer want because I can rewrite the script. I can choose something else. Right. So it's been this really good opportunity for me to become the observer, just like we were talking about before, and really see, like,

What am I actually believing? And also, too, where am I holding myself back and not doing the things that my intuition knows it needs to do? Because that's been another thing that I've had to deal with is really being real with myself and being like, okay,

You know you need to do this. So why aren't you doing it? What is the fear? What is the limiting belief here? Right. And your greatest potential lies on the other side of fear. So everything that you're really deeply scared of doing, that you're scared what other people will think, that's like your ding, ding, ding sign. Okay. There's something positive or something important on the other side of this fear. So look into it. Get a microscope. Look into your fear. Look into your triggers. I think it's really important.

And something that I was thinking about as we were talking about like this whole concept of fame and this need to seek approval and put yourself on a pedestal, I want to say that for every dream that your soul has,

It's not good or bad. It's not black or white. It's just the way that you look at it. Because for instance, I think there's a lot of polarization in a lot of aspects in life. For instance, people say being famous is bad. Wanting money is bad. And all of that is like lack mentality. Yes, exactly. And even, you know what else I see in the spiritual community? Wanting to be in a relationship is bad because that means you don't know how to enjoy your time alone. Oh, yeah.

All of these are limiting beliefs to hold you back from what you truly want because you can be in a relationship but also value yourself and be emotionally independent. You can have money but still live in an abundance mindset and be generous and give and be in service. Exactly. And same for fame too. It can coexist. It can coexist. And who is saying that it can't?

And who's saying that you can't have that desire and you can't have this? It's all this lack. It's all this just lack and limiting belief. You can choose to change your thoughts. No, it's all lack. And that's what I was also going to say. For instance, I've learned about fame because I know a lot of people listening here have dreams of being creators, of starting their own business, of going after their own passions in life in their own way.

And I've realized that fame, this desire for fame is just this deep desire to be safe being seen. Because someone who's famous...

Just does not have a fear of being seen. Let's be real. Yeah. Because think about like really, really famous people. They walk around and they have so many eyes on them. So many opinions, so many energies and their vibration can uphold so much of that. And that's why you see certain people like on TikTok, for instance, going viral overnight. It's because they don't have this deep fear of being seen in their subconscious mind.

That's stopping all these people from coming. So fame isn't bad because you can use fame for good ways to impact, to help. And I think it's really important that when you're doing that inner work to realize nothing is good or bad. Like you said, it can coexist. And it's just about the energy and intention behind every action that you do. Exactly. And also what you're making it mean. That's huge.

Right. So let's also talk about reinventing yourself, because I think this is a really important topic that I don't touch much on on the podcast. And even when we were driving over to the studios, me and Bella, we're talking about this concept of us growing as creators and as people and as artists, us evolving. And with that, our content and for Bella, her music evolves with her. And I think it's really important to touch based on the fact that when you are a

a person and a human, you're multi-dimensional. And that means that you can have different passions, different interests, different gifts, and you're allowed to evolve with them. And I just want to talk a little about that. What's your perspective on it? Yeah. Yeah. We had a great conversation about this in the car and we were just talking a lot about how it's natural to evolve and to change and to let's just take

I'll take music, for instance, since I make music. So a few years ago, I had a specific sound. And now my sound has really evolved and changed. I make a lot of dark pop music. And that's just because I've changed as a person. And I'm sure in a few years, my music is going to change again. So it's really natural to...

As we expand our awareness, our consciousness, as we grow as people, we're going to have different interests and we're going to just we're going to be different. So it's important to give yourself the opportunity to do so and to not feel like you have to stay in a box. Yes. That's huge. And also, too, is breaking out when it comes to reinventing yourself is really important to break out of the identity, your current identity or your old identity.

Because in order to be something different, you have to change your identity. You have to change how you view yourself. And if you keep yourself stuck in that old past version, it's going to be really hard to up level and become that next version. Right. And we can give like a little peek into what we're talking about in the car. But basically, I was telling Bella that

I'm considering getting my holistic health coach certification because something that I'm also really passionate about is cycle syncing and women's bodies and hormone health and healing acne and eating disorders and all that and healing that naturally. And you guys know on the podcast, I've talked about all my journeys with that. And I was telling Bella, like, I want to get my certification so I can help other people.

and something that I struggled with honestly is that shift of okay I'm known to talking a lot about self-love and relationships and mindset all those things that I'm still so passionate about and I still talk about but as I evolve as a person also the things that I want to focus on evolve with me and I think there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with wanting to take a next step in a

quite different direction, that's totally okay too. So for anyone listening, if you want to reinvent yourself, if you want to try something new, do it because that calling is happening for a reason. Yes, exactly. And I want to say too, like if you want to change your life, if you want to change something about yourself, do it.

Don't think twice.

That might happen. And secondly, maybe they just still see you as that old version of yourself that you no longer want to identify with. You have to just be so centered in your heart and in your soul and in what you want for yourself that you just stay focused on that. You stay focused on your path and you're like, you know what? I'm not going to choose to

let you determine how I view myself because if fine, you can view me this way, but I'm going to view myself this way. And it's this constant reminder and awareness and reaffirming to yourself because it's not something that just happens like a snap and you're like, oh, I'm all different now. It's something that you're going to have to continuously be presented with, most likely in the beginning too. And I think also the right people will support you as

going down your path and reinventing yourself. And I think the people that will get triggered, like you said, are the people that want to keep you small, who don't genuinely want to see you grow. So for instance, I had this friend in my life in the past, where in our friendship dynamic, I was very much a people pleaser. And I was constantly giving and giving, there wasn't an equal exchange of energy. And once I kind of changed my own ways, and I've grown out of that,

This person was getting triggered with me and our friendship kind of started to fade. And that's because when you start to change something, sometimes the people outside of you or the things or the environments that you're in are no longer going to be in alignment with you. And sometimes people will. They'll be able to grow with you, for instance. But it's important to know that just because you're changing something positive about yourself and somebody else in your life is getting triggered, right?

that's on them because the right people will support your growth. Yeah, and people will either rise with you or they'll fall off. Ooh, I love that. And slowly, yeah, slowly they'll no longer be in your life. So if you've ever like up-leveled or had something happen and you're like, oh, that's so weird. That friendship just kind of faded away. That's because you guys are on two different energetic levels. Yeah, and it's not like let's make it normal to say that it's okay

If some people are just no longer in resonance with you. Yeah. It doesn't have to be good or bad. It doesn't have to be hate. It is what it is. It is what it is. And sometimes people just serve their purpose in your life. And that's fine. Yeah. And you don't need to hate them. You don't need to gossip. You don't need to judge. You don't need to criticize. You can just thank them for the purpose they served you. And you can move forward because the only path is forward. You don't see people walking around in the street backwards. Yeah.

Yeah. And honestly, too, this just came to me. You never know who's going to come around later. Like Kim was saying, we knew each other in middle school. Or no, we knew each other before. And then we went to middle school together, but then we weren't friends for years. And then we reconnected. Yeah, we rekindled our friendship just by fate. And it's crazy. So sometimes people find their way back. Sometimes if...

people are separate and that goes a lot for love too when you're separate you both work on yourself and you reach different vibrations you can come back together yeah sometimes it doesn't resonate and that's that's okay at the end of the day the only people that we're truly responsible for is ourselves and our own growth exactly and that's that um I also want to talk to you let's talk about how you take one step back two steps forward because this kind of connects to this idea that

Reinventing yourself and change. And I think so many of us have this deep fear of change, of changing our life, of changing our friendships, of changing our relationship dynamics, of changing our jobs. Everyone has this deep fear of change. Yeah.

But the only constant thing in this life is change. Isn't that so interesting? Yeah. I'm currently reading Becoming Supernatural by Dr. David Spencer. Oh, my gosh. And I'm in the beginning. It's already like opening my mind and changing my life, I feel like. But he's talking about changing your life and he's talking about, you know, changing your thoughts and your feelings to shift your external environment, to shift your identity.

And he's talking a lot about when you do things, when you continuously do things in the known, you wake up and you have your routine, you see the same people, and it's just you're living basically the past life or your past days on repeat. You're staying in the known because that's what feels quote unquote safer. But all the possibilities, the change, everything you want to create for yourself actually exists in the unknown. So it's just really fascinating to learn about

how our egos will try to keep us in the known because it thinks it will feel safer.

Wow. So yeah, because it's more comfortable. Yeah. It's uncomfortable to have an experience change in life because it's a place or an energy that we've never seen before. Yeah, because I can really relate to wanting to change something, but struggling to do that. And then when I get to the root of it, it really feels just like a lot of fear, a lot of fear of the unknown. And also what I realized too is,

In order to take that next step and to, you know, we keep talking about dreams. So chase after your dreams, even though it can be related to like relationships, it can be related to so much. You have to step out of your comfort zone. Yeah. Because that's how you grow. That is truly how you grow. You can't stay stagnant and the same and think that you're going to evolve. And honestly, the best ways to evolve that I've seen in my life is

It's through change and pain and often heartbreak or rejection or any feeling that inflicts a sort of pain in us. Pain is how we grow. Yeah. That's how the light gets in, you know? Yeah, exactly. There's so much, so many lessons that come from that. Right. Because at the end of the day, I think also pain makes us

appreciative of the joy. Yeah. Because there's duality. You know, if you didn't experience pain and loss and heartbreak, you wouldn't experience trust and love and abundance. You wouldn't even appreciate it. How else would you even know it too? Exactly. Yeah. So there's duality to everything. And I think it's beautiful to also realize that life is cyclical and nothing in nature blooms all year round. And just like you, you don't bloom all year round. Exactly. And to tie it back to what you were originally saying,

One step forward, two steps back, the other way around. No other way. One step back, two steps forward. Oh, okay. Yeah. I said that. I was like, did I say that right? But yeah, especially being on a spiritual journey and on a spiritual path, I feel like it's easy to beat ourselves up, which again is the ego. Which is crazy, right? I know. Because you'd think you'd be less like that. Right. And I've noticed about myself, the more that I dive into my spirituality, the more I dive

the more I'm judgmental mainly towards myself. Right. Like I get to a point where like I don't judge others mainly. I wouldn't even hurt a fly. But then when it comes to my relationship with myself, I can be so overly critical. Yeah, I know. It's interesting. It's interesting because I can totally relate. I could I just I see myself like it's the hyper awareness. Yeah. You become so aware to yourself.

That you lack self-acceptance. And that's something that I realized, like, in therapy the other week when I was talking to my therapist. Is that, like, when you're really unconscious in your life, you judge others and you project onto others. And suddenly, when you're on a spiritual path and you learn so much about yourself, you become overly analytical and overly aware of yourself. Oh, that makes so much sense. Yeah. Because if you think about it, before I had a spiritual awakening, like...

Many years ago, early high school, like I wasn't. You don't even think about your relationship with yourself. Exactly. I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about others. But then you become so aware of it, which is such a beautiful thing. But it comes with some other stuff. But it's so worth it to be aware. You got to be real. Right. And and the awareness helps you ground yourself. Yeah. So when you pick yourself apart, when you are super over analytical over yourself, just remind yourself like, no.

everything's okay. Like I wasn't born to be perfect. I wasn't born to have everything figured out. I was just born to live and experience and feel. I love that. Be exactly. There's so much of this need to do, to do, do, do. And that's the masculine energy. We were also talking about that in the car. We were talking about feminine energy and how we want the soft life in the sense that we want to be ourselves. We want to go after our dreams.

But with no stress. Yes, exactly. Just presence. And that's what being a woman is about. And to my 98% audience of women, even though there are some men who listen that have messaged me and they are amazing too. The men are always welcome. Yes. But to the women and the ladies here, it's really important to tap into your feminine and remember that you didn't come into this life to struggle or to seek the approval or to chase anything.

and to beg you came here to be your sexy beautiful wise powerful strong authentic self that's who you are at your core yes you came here to be and you came here to allow receive and also another thing that just came to me which honestly ties ties into not needing external validation like how to stop caring about what other people think how to stop needing that validation and

is to honor your intuition, is to connect your intuition. So important. Yeah. And for me, that really, it's really been helpful to start with a small thing. So if I feel a really small calling, honor that. Honor that because that's how the intuition gets louder. Right. It's like a muscle. Yeah, it's like a muscle and being willing, being willing to actually listen. Because I think that's another thing. We get caught up in the ego and we're not actually willing. We're not actually ready to do something.

what we know we need to do. Yeah, amazing. So I have one more question for you. What would you say is your advice to some mindset shifts for anyone listening that wants to reinvent themselves, conquer their fears, and really break up for good with external validation? Oh, that's a good one. Yeah.

So, okay, definitely, I know I already said this, but remembering that everything is a projection. People can only give you what they're giving themselves. So first, realize that. And secondly, realize that this is your life and you're here to live life.

and achieve your fullest potential? And do you really want to give all your power away to what other people are thinking? Which is, again, just a projection. I think it's really important to become aware of your fears and your beliefs and really see them. It's easy to know you're fearful of something, but then to try to pretend it doesn't exist, which isn't helping it. It's actually growing it. So...

Acknowledge what you're fearful of and then really start with the small steps because it really all does come. It comes from starting small and that's how you get to those bigger places. So start by.

doing something each day to connect to your intuition, to go after your dreams, to really take that next step. And I would also say find practices that center you. So whether that's journaling, meditation, whether that's doing something to connect with your inner child,

Any of that to really help block out the noise and to just get into your body, which is where when you're out of your mind and into the body, that's really how your intuition is going to speak to you. That's how you're going to hear different things. So all those, I would say, are really important. And then again, just understand that.

The best and highest thing you can do for yourself is to really live in the light and to be the light. And that's going to inspire people. It really will. And if you're being triggered, if other people are getting triggered by you, look at it all as an opportunity to heal and to grow even more. It's all for your expansion. And this is your life. You get to go after what you want. You deserve to. So that's all I got to say to that. I love it. So fantastic.

First off, thanks for coming. Thank you for having me. This was so fun and I'm happy that everyone listening kind of got a glimpse into our friendship and our girl talks. I wanted to ask you if you want to share a little bit about your music for anyone listening. You should tell them all about it.

Oh my gosh, I am really, really excited about what's to come because I have been years in the making working on a project that touches on a really, really, really low point in my life. I started off by saying...

My spiritual awakening sort of happened after the year I experienced in 2021. And this record really touches a lot on what I went through. And a lot of it is very related to the inner critic and to beating yourself up and all of that. So I'm really excited for this project that will be releasing soon.

Did you see Kevin walk by? Yeah. Shout out to Kevin from the Spotify team. You are awesome. He just walked by and gave us a funny face. Yeah. But...

My new single called Talk Shit. She listened to it. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, that one is coming out very soon. I think hopefully there'll be a pre-save link when this comes out. You can find me on I am Bella K, K-A-Y-E on Instagram. But yeah, I make dark pop music and it feels really cool to

be able to take such painful experiences and to make art out of it so yeah lots in store for my music well thank you so much Bella for coming on the podcast I'm so happy we had this conversation thank you for having me this has been really so much fun and thank you again for Spotify Studios in Los Angeles where I recorded this episode and I'll see you guys next week bye

Beautiful souls, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, I will talk to you next week. Bye!