THIS is the Perfect Sunday! Ft Craig Frost
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God, that was perfect. That was better than I could do.

I've played this game a lot. It's published by Yorkskaz Games. It's made by a single man. It's honestly a labor of love. So I love Bellatro. I really, really like Dungeons & Degenerate Gamblers. And give it a go. Yes, absolutely. If you love card games, if you love digital online, if you like Bellatro, you can check out Dungeons & Degenerate Gamblers. It's out.

Now on Steam and as a special offer for our Pickaxe listeners, you can pick up a copy of the game for an unbeatable price at fanatical.com slash pickaxe. No way. Thank you very much. On with the show. Hello and welcome to the Hat Chat Podcast. That's right. Episode 165. Oh my God. That's right. Your hosts are here and we are called...

Chris Trott. Quick, check the list. Ross Hornby. Alex Smith. And today's guest is... Colin McRae. It's Colin McRae. World famous Hat Films editor, producer and general ideas guy. Craig Revel Hallward is here today in the flesh. He's going to show us a few steps. But also he's going to tell us about his perfect Sunday and his favourite thing to have at summer. Wow, I wish we prepped this beforehand. LAUGHTER

Are these things not things you could possibly think of on the spot? I mean, yeah. I could have a quick... What was the first one? Perfect Sunday. Perfect Sunday. Oh. Oh, shit. He's going in. You wake up in the morning. How long have you got? You wake up in the morning. That's ideal. Yeah. Ideal. That's always a good start, isn't it? Yeah. So, wake up about 6 a.m. That's fucking early for a Sunday, mate. I've got a baby. I'm out already. One day you won't always wake up at 6 a.m. Yeah. Yeah.

One day I won't wake up at all. And so, hold on, your perfect Sunday... Let's go more into that. So your perfect Sunday is to wake up at 6am, is that what you're saying? Yeah. Your perfect Sunday is to wake up at 6am. That's a deep lie. Right, what time do you go to bed? What time do you go to bed? Do you do a 12 hour stint? 6 till 6? Jesus.

It's a lot of sleep, man. I don't know why you're complaining. It's a lot of sleep. We're off for Saturday to make the perfect Sunday. We need to leave about half seven on Saturday. I go down and... Wake up. Yeah. I get tucked in. Yeah. Yeah, no, perfect Sunday. Just, you know...

You can't think of a game. You don't know what to do and you don't have a task. You can't just bring these questions on me. So you watch F1. Oh, yeah. There's F1 on Sundays. The Formula One. When it's on. When it's on and one that is unpredictably won by someone. Yeah. You like the unpredictables, yeah? Yeah. You're having like a perfect brew in the morning, like a little snack. You drink hot drinks.

Yeah, hot beer. You have a hot beer on a Sunday morning. It's 6am. It's a Sunday. It's a Sunday at 6am. 5 o'clock somewhere. He gets up and has a hot beer. What's your favourite beer to put in the kettle? Ah, Peroni. Peroni in the kettle. Peroni in the kettle. Why'd you go for the Peroni? You don't want to put Moray in there. Yeah, yeah. That's insane. That's crazy. That'd be nuts. Yeah, so that's breakfast. That's breakfast. Hot beer from the kettle. Yeah, yeah.

sit down watch the Formula 1 I like it when it's early in the day because then you can watch the race and you've still got the rest of the day to think about what you're doing how early in the day sorry because I think the ones that are like 4 or 5am are kind of yeah you don't want it that early half 6 is a pretty good one

Because I'm up at six anyway. The kettle will be boiled by then. In fact, I put the Peroni in the kettle the night before. Oh, yeah. I've got a smart plug. Yes. Right? Linked to my alarm. Yeah. So when the alarm goes off at six, it boils the kettle. And by the time I get down there, it's frothing everywhere.

That's how he likes it. There's a nice head. Give me something to do in the morning. All over the kitchen. Perfect Sunday. The kitchen reeks of beer. So you know there used to be, have you ever heard of a tea's maid? No.

This is something I think... A tea's maid. What's a tea's maid? No, I've heard of a tea maid. So a tea's maid is a thing that completely skipped our generation. I think it was just before us. Basically, it's an alarm clock that's linked to a hot water maker that then makes the tea for you.

So it's literally what you're describing. I've got a digital tea maid. Yeah, tea's maid. It's plural maid. It's probably old hotels that have that shit. Why don't we have that anymore? Why do they... I don't really know. I know, right? I think just boiling water next to your bed isn't necessarily something people want to do all the time, I suppose. Well, and also, like, it probably takes... You have to clean it. So, like...

Because it didn't just boil the water. It puts the tea in as well. So your alarm goes off, the tea's already brewed. And then you wake up, the tea's made.

- That's why it's called Tees Made. I thought it meant like a maid as in something that's gonna make it for you. - Yeah, no, I could tell 'cause you kept on saying tea made and I'm like, no, it's not like a maid. - I feel like tea made is a thing as well. - Tees made by the tea maid. - Tea made is a tea made, yeah, a maid of tea. Maiden of tea, it's a long arduous process. - 'Cause the thing is though, you're not gonna put a toaster next to your bed, are you?

So like why do you need... Wallace the Gromit. Nah, I keep that. It's Wallace the Gromit, the whole thing. It's very Wallace the Gromit, yeah. Toaster pops out, little gun shoots the jam on there. Looks very satisfying in stop motion. Did I mention that I'd love to redo that whole intro, but Wallace is dead.

and he ragdolls down that would be hilarious he's passed away he's just getting dropped through everything in his sleep and then goes through the entire process and he's just just weekend of burning yeah yeah yeah literally a weekend of burning and Gromit just like sees his dead owner just

Oh my god. With jam on his face because he's obviously buried it into the toast. Yeah. Oh no, Gromit's stuck in his cage. He can't get let out by his owner because he's dead and nobody else lives. With all that automation he just died. Gromit just starved to death in this cage. That would be quite an intelligent one. Just hear like Wimpered barking. Oh.

Low energy bar. And it's just an RSPCA advert. I assumed that Wallace, that Gromit was the brains of the two. Did you? I think Gromit is the brains. I think he is, right? He's there constantly trying to, you know, make sure he's... He's always rolling his eyes at Wallace. He's so knowing. Doesn't know how to do this. Yeah, he's lived through so much to know that he doesn't know how to do it. This guy's so clumsy. He hasn't worked out how to talk, though, has he? Fucking hell. Well, he can't get a mortgage. Couldn't get a home. Couldn't actually... He has to live with this... Yeah. Wallace is the definition of a useful idiot.

How old do you think Wallace is? Well, the original actor died, didn't he, a few years ago? Huh? The original voice actor died. They've replaced him. They have replaced him. Yeah, but part of the reason he was voiced by a woman, you know, like, you can't base it on that. What do you mean? As in, like, you can't say Wallace is old because his voice actor was old. Oh, I see. I'm just pointing out

pointing out that he's dead. I think he's just did an adjacent fact. Oh, by the way, he's dead. The original actor. Well, Gromit would have died several times by now, wouldn't he? Yeah, he would have done. Did they replace him every film? Did they replace the voice actor? I think they replaced him almost every scene. Yeah. He's been rebuilt constantly. Especially since like, you know, like, oh, he's got a little bit of schmutz on it from like lunchtime. You know, like, oh, is that a fingerprint? Get me smoothing tools. It looks so meticulous. More sloppy burgers for lunch. The result's fantastic.

yeah do you have the patience Craig Craig of course does editing for us here at Hat Films and the steady hands Craig Frost by the way we didn't say his name at the beginning we said Rebel Hall and then we joked off and moved on but it's Frost it's Craig Frost yeah

What's your perfect Sunday, Craig? Born on Valentine's Day. What does that mean, isn't it? Born on Valentine's Day? Well, to be born on Valentine's Day, yes. Are you a romantic person? I'm very romantic. So when we die and we all go to regular heaven, do you get a job working for Cupid? Do you become one of his cherubs? Because I can't wait to see you as a sexy little baby. Are there multiple cherubs? Yeah, there's loads of cherubs. So many cherubs. Valentine's babies. Cherubin. There are a whole tier of angels. There's cherub angels, and then there are archangels. There's a whole tier list of angels.

You'll be very low down. You'll be starting salary. Why would I be low? Oh, I can work my way up. You can work your way up. How do you work your way up? Well, this is your favourite thing. This is why you look so excited, so stimulated. It's like Amazon where you have to get so many arrows out. It's like a gig economy where you've got a cherub. You've got a cherub bat. Cheruba. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done, Craig? As someone who has been born on the romantic day of the year.

Forced by just gonna say get in the way of your birthday as well. Yeah, you know it about yes We celebrate Valentine's Day a few days after my birthday Yeah, you're a whole time get the birthday in the most important one. Yes I struck you as quite an economic person. Maybe like oh, this is we know that's one statement cool and also birthday at the same time or it's my birthday Wanted to be your day. Okay. It's not someone else's birthday Valentine's Day. So I still have to get two presents good. Oh

Good. I demand two presents. I just get you a label. This is one big present. What's this? Just a reversible label, mate. Happy birthday. And then the other side, happy Valentine's Day. And then just stick it to the same present. Well, they just say lots of love. Yeah, but you forget it's my birthday. So they have to do that for me. I'm not doing the double side. Craig, Valentine's Day is so much more important than your birthday. For everybody around the world, do you think what's more important? Valentine's Day or your birthday? So you're just pushing back a global event.

It feels fucking... For you. It feels really selfish. That's really fucked up, actually. Why don't you have, like, the queen where you have your birthday a few days earlier?

Or like the middle of the year. Or like June 3, just moving around. Yeah, but I like getting loads of cards. I mean, how many cards do you get on Valentine's Day? So many. Then I get more. Do you? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, see? But they're for your birthday! They're not for Valentine's Day, Craig. They're for your birthday. He's a very jealous mailman. Wow, he's getting so many cards. I can't tell if it's a birthday or a Valentine's card, but it's Valentine's Day, so let's just assume. My postman calls me limp dick.

He's ripped up on my cards. I see Craig-related facts. I haven't got any Craig-related facts. I assumed Craig would give us some Craig-related facts because you are Craig. You can't keep springing stuff on me without me prepping stuff. It sounded like you were making this Craig-themed. How would you not know about all the Craigs?

How many Craigs can you name? First name Craigs, not like Daniel Craig. All right, well, there's Craig Revelhoard, which we mentioned earlier. He does Become Dancing. We've got Colin McCraig. Judging. There's Colin McCraig. That's Colin. Did he die from the helicopter thing, or was that...

Wait, he's dead? Call him a Craig. He's got a Craig. Yeah, different guy. Craig David. Craig David. Can you believe his name is Craig? There are a lot of Craigs. Is Craig Revel Horwood? He doesn't look like a Craig. Craig David looks nothing like a Craig to me. There's actually a big resemblance looking at it. Craig David, I love you, boink. I think all Craigs look alike.

Who's the guy who was in Red Dwarf? Yeah, the smackhead. Craig Charles. Craig Charles. Two first names again. Craig David and Craig Charles. Craig Rebel Hallward here. Do I look like a Craig? If you're talking about people that look like Craigs, do I look like a Craig? You look more like a Simon. I'm a Simon? Oh, yeah. Maybe you're a Daniel. Daniel? Yeah, you look like Craig Charles. You look like Craig Charles. Do I? Yeah.

I do look like Craig Charles. There he is. Chronicles of the Street actor, Craig Charles. Robot Wars. Robot Wars, more importantly. And Takeshi's Castle. He's actually done quite a lot of things. Could be a robber. We could be here a while listing his... A robber? Are you still looking at... Yeah, it's like really like white guy names. I reckon a Steve. Yeah, possibly. James at a push? James, yeah. Well, that's my middle name. Well, there we go then. Bloody hell. That's marvellous. Craig James Frost. Frosty. There you go.

Not a lot else going on then. So we've got Craig Fax. So we've had to focus a lot of this conversation just on your name. Which you didn't even choose. My birthday, my favourite Sunday. Which you said was just getting up and working. We only got through to 7.30. Okay, what happens midday? What's your lunch on a perfect Sunday? What lunch is on your perfect Sunday? Ham, egg and chips. Is it? Yeah, it's quite a nice meal. And a beer.

The hot one or a cold one this time? He's saying beer a lot. He's having a lot of beer. I've rarely seen a beer in his hand. I break out the Stella at lunchtime. Cold or hot this time? Cold. Cold this time. I'm not crazy. That would be insane. Do you serve it in a mug or a glass when it's hot or cold? In a glass. Always in a glass. Yeah, the breakfast one's in a mug. Okay, right.

What kind of mug? Best dad ever? The best dad ever mug. Perfect Sunday. As he cleans up another. The foam, the hot foam of the kitchen. The kitchen sticks of a beer. So sticky. Yeah, by this point, Formula One is done, you know. At this point, are you quite drunk? I'm pretty drunk. By this point, well, after two. Yeah. Yeah. Wasted.

Yeah, especially if you bought it. So you've got your ham, egg and chips to soak up some of the chips. You wouldn't really have ham, egg and chips, would you? No. What would you have? Oh, I don't know. Like none of this is actually my Sunday. Egg and crust. It's the ideal Sunday, but I've never done it. Oh, right. Yeah. Anyone's ideal Sunday is just this dream Sunday. I could never do the things I'm saying. But you like ham, egg and chips?

No, I just thought what's pub grub? Do you not like ham and chips? Probably. I like egg. I like ham. And I like chips. But you've not had it recently enough to remember whether or not you like it. You've never had ham, egg and chips. Ham, egg and chips. I usually just have one. I'm having chips tonight. Tomorrow I might have egg. Is it too decadent to have three?

I think so, yeah. Or two would be too decadent as well. So I just have one. Just spread it out. Live a little. Well, that's fair enough. Anyway. Anyway, dinner comes around. Dinner comes around. That's where I do break out the moretti. That's a huge gap. You have the moretti cold? No, room temperature. Room temperature moretti. Sparkling or still? You're just mixing around. I've left it open for a few days, so it's pretty still. Sparkling or still? You like it still? Still. On the windowsill, so it's a little bit warm. Still slightly above room temperature moretti.

What are you having for dinner? Oh, veal. Huh?

Veal. He loves veal. Veal, the tortured cow veal. Yeah, the baby cow. Man, this is a pretty good Sunday. I've done nothing in between lunch and dinner. Yeah, what happened? Well, the TV's off. You've been just thinking about that veal. I just sit like this. Rocking. I assume at this point you're shirtless. Why would you put a shirt on? Why bother? You never got dressed. Do you sleep naked? Yeah. You sleep naked? No, I don't. Right. What do you dress when you sleep in? Uh,

Does anyone here sleep naked? No. Occasionally. I always wake up

I feel like I should have put some clothes on. Why? Because I just shat in the bed everywhere. I never wipe my arse and it's just smearing. There's a lot of issues I've never had. Have you guys grown up in my sleep? I'm wiping my arse with the duvet and stuff. And I piss myself. All of these are very bad reasons to wear clothes. These are the very bad reasons. You can still sleep in adult diapers.

Adult diapers. Since I've switched to them. What are they called? Game changer. Adult diapers. Is there a shorter version? I don't know. I just... Adult nappies. Adult nappies, yeah. Manny's.

Man poopers. Grown adult man poopers. You can do what you want all night long and the bed's fine mostly. That's amazing. Mostly until you get a blowout. Do you guys wear pyjamas or just boxes? Three pieces. Sometimes boxes, most of the time pyjama bottoms. Definitely pyjama bottoms. Boxes are too tight. My balls get too swayed. Let it all go, man. Just let it all out. What do you mean? It's not good though. You usually make it, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right, okay. But you have to change your duvet and stuff more often. That's fine, isn't it? You're just sweating. I don't sweat that much. What's the temperature of your room?

Is your room quite hot? If you don't put a duvet or sheet or anything on the mattress, you don't change it. Hot tip. That's actually something that we've never considered. I sleep on the slats of the bed frame. I've never considered that. The slats on the bed frame. Who needs a mattress?

It's only something you have to change down the line. Just sleep in the slats. We should all think of that. Sometimes I turn the slats over. Why use anything that could be replaced? I wouldn't want to sleep naked just in case there was like some sort of drill or some sort of attacker. Buy a drill. Well, then they're going to see my fucking swinging dog as I come at them. Yeah, but that's the thing. Because I'm going to just attack them like a bear. I come out of my room. Ah!

there's a huge window to my right and then there's a door I might have to answer to my left so either way I'm running down a hallway with my that sounds like you're living your life with restrictions and restraint which I don't think is something you should do I just I will run around with flat run

Naked. Fully naked. Wild. Somebody's going to get a drone and look in your window just for that. Good for them. They've gone through the effort to do it. I don't like the early morning ring on my doorbell because I'm in a house, obviously, second floor, and I'm like, if I'm naked, I have to be like, oh, should we put clothes on before? No, I don't want to miss delivery. It's quite easy to grab a dressing gown. He sleeps. I go full three-piece suit to bed. Tie or no tie? Tie.

Pocket square? Keep the tie. Pocket square? Pocket square I leave to the side just in case, but I do whip it in if I have time. Depends who's at the door. Depends who's at the door. You can see on the ring, of course. Of course. Yeah. That gives me two good ideas. Knocks on the door, I suppose it's different because I'm in a flat, you're in a house. Yeah, and I have to answer it. Do you ever worry about if there's an intruder that you have to look intimidating when they come in?

If there's an intruder in your house, I suppose you would have... Does that change how you go to bed? You might go to bed in a suit of armour. Sorry, am I expecting the intruder? No, because I wouldn't go to bed if I was expecting an intruder. I don't think you'd be able to relax. I don't think intruders like schedule in either. You can't live your life like that. Be naked and enjoy it.

I can make so many traps and improvised weapons as well. You won't have the time if you haven't already done it. But I said if I knew the intruder was coming, I'd spend my evening making a Home Alone situation. There's also alerts that intruders think that there could be a naked man coming at me soon. Why do you put a sign like they do with dogs? Naked man inside, yeah. Beware of the naked man. Beware of the naked man. Because they don't know what they're going to expect. It could be awful down there.

It could be horrible. A whole mess, yeah. I could be erect. Do you... Do you have a... Yeah, I could, but it's pretty fucking slim jobs. It's unlikely I'll be erect to slot it on the... You'll be there crying and slapping your dick more like... I'll be helicoptering. Do you guys have my way around? There's no way you've got the length of a helicopter. Do you have a game plan for if...

there ever is an intruder like do you know what you're grabbing like as a weapon do you have you ever ran through that scenario in your mind i haven't done any drills you've mentioned drills i haven't done any drills either no but i do have um like kitchen knives that i could grab um

I'm more of a talker, I try and talk out of it. You try and talk them down? Well they're already looking at the fact you're- Completely naked. And you think you can talk them down. And you think you can try and engage them in conversation. It depends, it depends. So, okay, so I'm in bed. They've just come in the room. Get out of here, pussy! Get out of my room! What the fuck? So I'm- they've come to my bedroom, they're in the bedroom. Okay. Right, so I'll go out the- I will immediately- Put something on you fucking monster! I'm gonna beat you with this bat! I start beating him with my bat. Out of the balcony. I'm on the balcony. You're on the balcony. Jump, pussy!

I'm going round the other side to the kitchen I've hit you in the leg with a wooden bat no no they're not through yet so you can ambush them with the specific layout where's he gone he's running and I'm running round because they don't know

- They're armed, these intruders are fully armed. - Yeah, we're strapped. - High caliber weapons. - A guy sets up a tripod machine gun in your doorway. - Well that's a lot. - And just starts breaking from left to right. - You give him very little room to move there. - The bullets are going through. - He just said there was an intruder there with I guess a bat, but they're at the doorway. I'm closer to this other door. I'm in, out, slide, they're like, "Oh shit, what's he doing? "Where's he going?" - What's there then? Three man team set up a .50 Cal Browning. - I'm running around the other side.

I've grabbed the kitchen knife because I'm in the kitchen now because I managed to go around because that's just the way the layout is. And then they're like, what? You're behind me? I'm like, yeah. And then I do it until the knife breaks. Do you think you would do that? Or it cuts myself. Are they full tang knives? Sorry? Are they full tang knives? Yeah, they're good quality knives. I don't think they're going to break then. The problem you're going to have... No, no, I'll get exhausted. Good.

Because I'll just keep going until it's just my arm hurts. But the problem is at this point there's high caliber bullets flying through you and all the flats left and right. Well that's obviously then I'm done aren't I? You've created a Matrix-like scenario where I'm being destroyed by what sounds like a militia. Not just somebody trying to rob me, someone who's literally just trying to destroy everyone.

You're the last boss in a series of... I was a boss. I've got a new tactic. They've done raid or whatever it is, like raid the block. Give us your tactic. Attack the block. I've got an easier one. Well, I'd say easier. I will immediately Stockholm Syndrome with the intruder. So what I'm going to do is... You finally have them. Yeah. Shoot my fiance. Fake. Fuck. Fake. How do you fake that? Squibs. So we go to bed with squibs on. Squibs in the duvets.

I'm with you. She knows what to do when she hears the squibs go off. Every night you have a special effects run through. Right, just in case somebody comes in, the squibs are all live now. You've got the bun in the cupboard over there.

It's a run through every night. So that way, like... Just find it hard to drift off. At what point does it stop? Do you start living with the intruder in your house? I'm willing to like go home with them. No, what if they want to leave you? Oh, you're leaving the home. What if they want to move in with you? If they want to move in, then it gets a little bit more complicated. Yeah. Because the idea is... You have to go through the funeral and... My fiancé is like the sense taken off her.

I'm focused on the intruder. Nice. I'm trying to form a love life with this intruder at this point. But the fiance is completely forgotten about. Whereas she's getting all the weaponry and shit. Oh. And then boom, we... But did the intruder see you

Fire off the squid. Yeah, yeah, I wait for them to come in. So aren't they then wondering why you're not like getting ahead with organizing the funeral and stuff? Would you do that straight away though? I think that's something you do like the day after. Yeah, they'd start judging why you didn't have this sword. It hasn't even wheeled into a market. That's a good point. Are there any debts that they're going to inherit because of this? Have you thought about that? I haven't thought about that, no.

We need to think about the deaths they're going to inherit. You need to do that because they're not actually dead. How far does it go? It's just squibs. I forgot. Your neighbors are going to hear the gunshots. So the police arrive. No, I notified them and what they're going to do is dress up as the police so that they arrive fake.

So what you need to do is have fake coroners come. Because you need to get... I need fake coroners as well. Otherwise, at some point, your fiance is going to have to get up and go to the toilet or something. I'll charge a flat rate to pretend to be any official you like. Sweet. I think you could pull off a policeman. Yeah. That's it. End of sentence. They usually let me off. Yeah.

That's my plan. That sounds quite elaborate. But then saying that, there are some TV programs where they do use the squib thing as quite a get-out-of-jail-free card sometimes. It's like, no, it's just squibs. It's like, oh, right, so you've got this blood and you're on the floor like, and then it's like, no, no, I'm fine. Yeah, sucks. Right. It's not what they should be used for. You didn't want to kill off that character, but you wanted to, but you didn't. Yeah. You wanted to create the shock, but you didn't want to pay the price. You didn't want to go through with it. You didn't want to pay the price. Couldn't go on.

You may as well say it was all a dream. Yeah, exactly. All a dream, Craig. How would Murphy be in an intruder scenario? Would he be a guard dog? Are you a heavy sleeper? I don't know, actually, because I feel like he probably wouldn't defend my body.

I don't think he would very much just kind of bark at them. Maybe if he wore pyjamas, he would. He'd bark at them. He's not been trained to attack. All right, here's the new scenario. Which I think is the important thing with a dog, is like, if it's been trained to attack, it might actually do it, but he might just, if anything, innocently look at them while they stab him in the face. It's midnight. Which is pretty brutal. You are asleep, or maybe 1am, whatever time you're asleep, you're asleep in bed, you're completely out of it, and suddenly, Michael McIntyre's in your room. Michael McIntyre, no, quick, attack! Attack, dog, attack! I know, I've not prepared for this.

Yeah, he's in there. Talking about Fanny Schmeller. So he's like, surprise! Oh my god, Michael McIntyre of The Wheel fame. I can't think what it's called. He does this. I'm not the same. What's the show? Michael McIntyre's like amazing. Amazing show. He surprises people in bed. We spoke about this before actually because you said... He surprised, not Louis Walsh, something Walsh. Walsh.

The one that does the chase? Bradley Walsh. Yeah, that's it. And then he made the joke about Fanny Schmeller because that was one of the jokes. Oh, yeah. And then she was actually there. The chase, which he laughed at because her name was Fanny Schmeller and it smells like Fanny Schmeller. And that's kind of funny. And then he brings her out. And then he brings her in his bedroom while he's asleep. And it's like, oh, Fanny Schmeller's here. It's Schmieler, apparently. Schmieler. Of course it is. How do they get to that point without them waking up? It's got to be set up, right? Do you know what? Any of those, especially also like

The ones in like Antedek where they're filming in your lounge. What if you're like, tugging it? They go in, they warn you. Do you know what I mean? They set it up again. What if you've got loose pyjamas and you're like, well, now my cock and balls are just visible because I'm like, large, like I've got a large spray on my sofa. What if you wear no pyjamas? What if I'm just chilling in the lounge?

You know, having hummus off my own cock and balls. My home, my rules. My home, my own rules. No one tells me how to live. Why are you using the area under your penis as a place to store hummus? That's a weird place to do it. When it's done, I'm done. When it's done, I'm done. No, but you could do. You've got to sit as well. Otherwise it's just like, they are literally being spied on by one of their family members. I assume they would be like, well, stop messing with me.

Stop it, stop jerking it No! I wanted to save it until Anandek said it But you're being watched Oh for fuck's sake Well now I have to finish They've got Anandek in my ear telling me to coom Yeah Normally it's always a family there It seems like it would be quite bizarre But it does make you paranoid when you're watching that programme They could be here I'm jerking it right now How did you not spend... You tell us Greg

I know where the camera's at in my house. I feel like I would... So where's the camera on Ant and Dec? Is it, like, on the TV stand? I guess I assume, like, it's, like, underneath, like, next to, like, a VHS player or whatever. So they snuck into the house without them aware and set up the camera. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. It's a little... They're always low quality shit webcam stuff. Yeah, but like... They're like webcam shit quality. Do they come in as if they've met them first for the first time? I don't know. See, I reckon... So who put that camera there? Someone in the family, I reckon, does it? Oh. Because it's shit... It's like webcam quality. How is it? It's never like that good, is it?

I'm assuming you've seen it. I haven't seen it. Maybe hidden camera stuff. We can journey all the way back to like Noel's house party. Well, I don't know what your reference points are. We talked about Nightmare earlier on. Yeah, I didn't actually watch. Let's move away from the 80s, guys. I can't. I was there for two years. I was there for two years too. It's never again. It's mid-90s. It just feels like the 80s because you've got older and it's further away. It even looks like the 80s, doesn't it? Do you think we have a look now?

Old. Older. In comparison to the last 10 years? We have a look. You know, like, obviously, there's quite clear style, 60s, 70s, 80s. There's a look. Oh, you mean in general. Not just video quality. Well, we could go into video quality as well.

What do you mean like now? Do you think 90s? Well, 2010s, what do you reckon that looks like? Do you state a specific style? I think there's a multi-trend. I think a lot more outdoor gear started getting worn. I think that's something I've noticed a lot in the last 10, 20 years. I've heard 90s and capper and kind of like that. What do you mean outdoors? No, I mean as in like fucking mountaineering gear that people wear in the city. I'm very guilty of this, but everyone does it as well. North Face, especially when North Face was like...

not just a like streetwear brand but also North Face is actually a mountaineering brand and that became a big thing so I think you're going to see a lot of but it also it almost feels like there's an amalgamation of so many different styles now that it's just like nothing really stands out as a style do you know what I mean it's like I know there's like oh yeah it might be hard to like see the style of the generation while you're in it yeah I think you look back and you take like the best of the bunch and that forms the general it's like I saw a thing the other day it's like wouldn't it be good if you knew when you're in the good old days

Because like... Sorry? When you're actually in them. When you're actually in them. Because the amount of times you think back to, oh, wasn't it a good old day, sat on the couch, gaming on my N64 or whatever it was. Split screen Halo. It's like, they'll be... Exactly, they'll be... I think that was the video that I saw, actually, that was talking about... I think they were literally playing Halo. And then it was a video that showed split screen co-op Halo, and then it cut to online gaming on your own today. Like, just...

There are social elements to it. It's just that that was a very unique thing to our childhood, I suppose. Are there many games that will do that now? There'll be things about now that we don't realise is the good old days in 30 years' time. I think this is more about the fallibility of the human brain than it is...

They're actually being good old days. I think as you get older, you go through periods of life where you think being younger and where you had less responsibilities was a better thing. Maybe. I look back to times before I was born as the good old days as well. I would love to have been a teenager around 1987 kind of time. Why is that? Because of all the music and the gigs. A lot of the...

so I watch what about the asbestos though oh yeah there's a lot of asbestos isn't there do you not consider the asbestos before you said such a crazy comment there's still asbestos today there is no he's right you can get it it's in the recycling centre there's a lot I think they've actually stored most of it up it's literally above our heads right now dust sprinkles down I try and suck it up so nobody else gets it

There's asbestos above us right now. I hope not. You've been in here for years breathing in. Who knows? You know? Fuck! I saw an advert for asbestos, like an old school one, which was like, oh, it's great for all these uses. Oh, that is pretty fucking good. They said the same with... It's a miracle, yeah. It's the same with Teflon, right? It's the same with plastic as well, like back when they started making things out of plastic. Well, don't say there's anything wrong with plastic. You can be any shape and you know... Yeah. Yeah.

It's very useful food. Unfortunately, we didn't also develop ways to get rid of it whilst we were developing the product themselves That tends to be the way to put in the ocean just put it in the ocean pretty big. It's way bigger than any bin annoyingly a lot of that plastic floats those as always on the fucking surface Like just in the water you've been in the war you took a shit

I have, yeah. I have. Not great. Better than shitting outside, but not great. Well, you've done that in the sea. What? You took a shit in the sea. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I've taken a shit in the sea. Have you really? Yeah. Does it float up like Kevin and Perry? Depends. It's a float up. Wearing swimming trunks and you just drop trout in the ocean. Well, you're just like, hang on.

awkwardly pulling your shorts down why no way because I was in the middle of nowhere on a fucking random island from the shore I was on a boat holiday where we went from different uninhabited places to different uninhabited places do you know what like I think there's nothing wrong with what you did no there's not there's nothing called it's one of those things which I think that I've never done it how did you wipe I didn't because you're in the sea and you just like wriggle your ass a bit and keep swimming

if anything like it's a really good way to poop fish do it constantly guys I mean I wouldn't do it in a busy swimmers beach I was literally in the middle of nowhere without probably anyone within hundreds of miles of it but you were with people and you were swimming in it yeah but I said guys I need a shit what if it's a runny one what if it came out runny

Well, even better, I suppose. I think more of us should do it. The main problem, if you want to know, the main problem with pooping in water is when the poop leaves, it leaves a slight vacuum. So you want to make sure once you get out of the water, or just as you're getting out, maybe squirt any water left in the, let's call it the buffer zone. Thank you, I'll bear that in mind.

But honestly, it's a much nicer experience than I think pooing outside, which when I first did that was, I thought, going to be a liberating experience. But really, you just feel like a dog. Cold. I had a different. It's cold, yeah. I had such an incredible liberating experience. I felt like as soon as that shit touched the ground, I couldn't.

I connected with all of nature. That's crazy. Wait, so you were still touching, it was touching both sides? Yeah, I connected. I was squatting so low. This is how human beings were meant to do this. It's the lost art of poo connection. I am nothing, I am everything. Poo tooth. That was a penny fan, wasn't it? That was a penny fan. I was holding your hand at the time. Did you feel that connection? I felt the connection through you. Through my shit.

The first time I shit outside, it was like November in Wales and the ground was too hard to dig very deep. So I dug as much of a hole as I could, which was like, you know, when you get ice cream out of the freezer and don't wait. Yeah.

And like, so you're like trying to like pick the top off. That's what the soil was like. And then I just, oh, go, go, go. I've been eating like rations for like two days. It came out and like, I just laid a huge pile of like what I would describe as a German shepherd grain. Like huge. And then all I could do was like lay the, like the slices, like the Viennetta slices of soil that I dug over the top of it and then put a little like stick with a little bit of tissue paper on it, like a little flag to say like,

don't stand on this marking your territory but then some hungry fox will come along and same question again Smith how did you wipe I used toilet paper in that situation

Where did you put the toilet paper? Depends if it's dry or not. Where did you put the toilet paper? I buried that, yeah. How? Poorly. Just laid it over. I did it poorly. I could try and burn it, but most of that will either biodegrade or get eaten. The main problem is just getting people... You don't want to fuck over people. I'd put my shit in a plastic bag if I shit outside. And then seal it. And bury that. And bury that. Yeah.

Bramirs is he suggested moss. Nice. To wipe with. Soft. Doesn't that just stick to you?

Yeah. I guess it's kind of like a wet sponge. Then I feel like I need to wipe the moss off. Well, if you're lucky, there might be a few wood lice in the moss that'll eat all the feces stuck to your arsehole. And they might go inside so you never have to poo again. Yeah, you could have a self-cleaning arsehole. Amazing. Wow. Yeah. That's how my vivarium at home works. My chameleon poos on the ground and then it gets eaten by wood lice. And then they poo it out and fertilise the soil.

That's lovely. We saw one on the side of the road the other day. What, Woodlouse? No, no, sorry. Sorry, I was trying. Sorry.

Nutty looking Sorry it was massive It looked like a bear shit It looked huge Wait you and Trot We saw a huge shit Together Just on a horse It was the size of a monster can energy drink It was huge I think we showed Craig When we showed Craig it was chopped up It was chopped up It looked like someone stomped on it Oh Imagine like The girth was insane It was like a yule log Do you think it was a human poo It was like a yule log Do you think it was a human

I think it was human or a bear it's the only answer because dog poop isn't like that is it no no it wasn't like dog poop but it also was so big that like whoever did it has a huge arsehole it was massive wasn't it it was enormous and it was definitely poo

Maybe it was like a once a week proper roll and it's just like oh my god someone's done it here. It was good enough that after we left it they had to go and show it to me. Hang on Craig, hang on Craig. Calm down this road. It doesn't happen very often but I do reckon I've had poops in the past that are like that big.

Well, then maybe it was you because that's you. That is probably, yeah. It doesn't happen very often, but like sometimes... That's what I said to Ross. I reckon Smith could probably manage that one. I don't know. It looked really big and nutty. Like bits. It was...

It was out for days. It endured a lot of weather. I don't think it was as big as your... I don't think I could poop as big as the one you saw sound. I didn't take a picture at the time. Didn't you take a picture? No, I'm just trying to... Well, I 3D scanned it. Did you take a picture? No, I don't think so. It's such a good story. You should have taken a picture. It's like a shore mic. I really don't feel like it was a situation where I would have... Yeah, that's big, isn't it? I reckon I had pooped out a shore mic. I think it's because there were people walking through that alleyway. I didn't want them to see me taking a picture as if I was proud of my own shit or something. Yeah. So... Instead I just looked and go, oh my God.

Is it still there now? I didn't go that way. It's chopped up. It's all bits. It's all messed up now. Yeah, I've got to say, if I was a betting man, I reckon I would bet that I probably have one at least the same size as this. It's like a fucking Yule log. We're playing it at our shore microphones for audio listeners. Oh, it's bigger than this. I would say a little bit thicker.

Yeah, I don't think I could do that. What were the ends like? They were chopped up when I saw it. They were both smooth. They were pinched off like a turd. Was it definitely human? I don't know. What could have made that? If not human. It was baffling to see. What if it's come out of like... You were like, is it some type of shit? I was like, what?

Ross was captured by this. Is there a chance that might have come out of like, because you're right next to the river, I'm guessing. So there's an alleyway like right near. Just off Queen Square. Yeah, yeah. We'll take you down the way. But what I'm saying is somebody might have like unblocked a pipe maybe and like how smooth were the edges? It looked like something.

When we first saw it, it looked like it was pooped out. It was a shit. It looked like a shit. It was definitely a shit. And then when we showed Craig, it looked like somebody stomped on it accidentally. Or like... God. On purpose? I don't know. Maybe just figure out what the reason is. When you see a shit that big, you want to stomp it. I should have taken a photo. I just feel like it would have been really weird to do. Unreal. I can't believe I used to stand on cow pets. That's a legend now. Stand on them.

Yeah Only dry ones Dry ones You used to like Just crunch them Yeah that's the thing They can be like A freshly cooked meringue Yeah Is it soft on the inside? A little crunchy I was a kid I used to do that And they used to be satisfying That's strange Disgusting Sometimes they go You weren't just a kid You were a disgusting kid

I was a farmer kid. I was surrounded by farms. I wasn't experimenting with the creme brulee cow shit. I wasn't like, oh, I wonder if that fly-covered cow pat is still a bit soft in the middle. That's weird. That's not growing up on a farm. That's having a poo fetish. You've both got poo fetishes. Congratulations. It's not a poo fetish. No, it's just being in the country. It's like, what?

It's a poo, guys. You can see what they've eaten. What is it? A dessert fetish? What do they eat? Grass. A baking fetish. Just knowing what's inside. Is it hard? Is it soft? Yeah. Oh, no, it's soft. Is the poo hard or is the poo soft? On the inside of the crust. Stop depooising poo. It's poo. It is poo.

You're deep poo-wising it to make it seem innocent. What other things? You could leave desserts outside to go hard in the sun, but you didn't do that, did you? You did it with poo. No, no. I'm more of an opportunist.

Just because the cowpats were there. Do you do the same with dog poo? No, no, no. Did you used to do cowpat stepping stones? So you can jump from one to the other. I did do that. And also, we used to have these incredible mushrooms, which were spherical. You only get one a season. Oh, one a year, even. You kick them and...

It's insane. I'm running up to this one. Yeah, those were awesome. I feel like that's just adjacent to the cow pat touching. Well, yeah, they live. I think they're like codependent. That's why magic mushrooms can be found in cow. I'm seeing the enjoyment of kicking one of those. I'm just trying to find the mushrooms. You're just trying to find satisfying things. Am I high yet? Or am I just desperately ill? Have you ever picked up a dandelion? Yeah. The fluffy ones. Yeah.

and then sucked it in. You breathed in and then sucked it in.

It's like cinnamon challenge, but nature. No, I did used to pick those little, you know those little pink flowers in the same sort of meadows? The pink, they had like the little like, and you can pluck them. The little pink things, and you can pluck them, and then if you bit the bottom of the tips, they're sweet on the inside. Have you ever had those? Those are posh. What are the ones that are like? That's posh. That's a Waitrose equivalent. Have you ever taken a buttercup to see if you like butter? Do you drink butter?

you do looks like you do because of reflections no no you don't actually no I really like butter no sorry the flower says no sorry it's not sunny enough this flower says no butter for you today what's the flower that like hangs upside down like this it's pink and then eventually it does blossom outwards like this but for a while it's like a little blue yeah I know the ones you mean I know the ones you mean and it ruins every time you pop it as well oh yeah my nan used to have loads of them and I would go I'm popping them she's like you're killing all my flowers but it's so

They shouldn't make them so fun. Like cow pants. We just naturally destroy them. All these nice things in nature. Oh, that's satisfying. I blame God for designing that to be so satisfying and making me satisfied by that. God's just a scapegoat.

Again. I've been watching Midnight Mass recently. Oh, have you? Yeah. Such a great show. You watched it the first time around? Second time around. I'm watching it again. So you're watching it again. It holds up just as well. Yeah, it's pretty good. Superb. Yeah, it's very well done. Anyway. That.

That actually is it, unless it's a final Craig fact. One more Craig fact. One more Craig fact. What happens in the evening of your perfect day? So where have we got to? We've got... We've kind of bookended it with the day of Sunday. So we had veal. Craig's Sunday. We had veal. What's for dessert? Cow pat creme brulee. A cow pat. A chocolate creme brulee. That's where it came from. Yes, but I call it a cow pat creme brulee. Nice. That'd be really fun to make. Chocolate creme brulee. Yeah, that'd be...

If we ever do a cooking thing, Craig, I'll do your chocolate creme brulee and I'll call it Craig's cow pat. Because I think cow pat doesn't sound offensive enough to put you off of it as a treat. No, it's fine, isn't it? If you're like, feel the cow shit, you're like, I don't think. Yeah. But cow pat, oh. Ranted cow shit that may make you blind. Stinky me thing. Yeah. Cow shit. Also, doesn't it make you want to pat that cow pat?

With your foot. In a way. Can cows poo in a way that isn't a cow pat? Like, can they have really hard, big poos? And would it be big? You'd have to change their diet for grass. I think they all eat kind of very similar things.

How big would it be? Would it be bigger than that one you saw on Queen's Square? Yeah, maybe we just saw a constipated cow poo. Maybe it was a constipated cow. It could be a domesticated cow. Domesticated. Yeah, not a wild cow. And then I'm in bed by seven. Seven. Straight up to the veal. Wait, hold on. Did you put the beer in the kettle for the morning to get ready again? Oh yeah, you didn't know because the next day is Monday. Because it's Monday. Monday. I don't do that until Saturday night at

the next one it's only a Saturday night thing it's good that you're delaying that like reward though it feels special it feels more special yeah I don't like it but it's special tell you what though it's a lot you've got quicker in the morning when you don't have to clean up the kitchen it's a lot quicker to start Monday start you can't do a mop enough in the kitchen Monday no it's just everywhere it's sticky I think we've learned a lot

about Craig's Sunday specifically that's his top tip though Craig's top tip have a hot beer on a Sunday morning next time I'm on I'll tell you about my Saturday which is much crazier so apparently you can get a tease made for 75 quid so you know alright

They're also ugly as sin. I don't want one. You don't want scalding hot water next to your head when you wake up in the morning. I just don't want, no. Is it always on? Or does it heat up at a certain time? Yeah, so it's like an alarm that turns on to boil the water. So you're not going to be sleeping with boiling water? No, you are. Because the idea is you wake up to the tea's made. It's like, tea's made! You know, so... It only takes like a minute. You will wake up to a hot cup of tea next to your head.

So your alarm goes off, you turn right, and before the alarm had gone off, the machine had already boiled the water, poured the tea in. I don't know how they're doing the milk. It might have to be powdered milk or a refrigerator, but that seems excessive next to the head. A mini fridge too. A constant humming. At uni, I had a little mini fridge. You did. And it's so loud. It is. They're not efficient in any way. And you'd hear it just...

Oh, fuck. I regret getting it entirely. Actually, I didn't regret it because no one ever stole everything from the fridges in the shed. That's terrible. You had a bad culture. They didn't know. What do you mean? Some people didn't know. They just took what they wanted. What do you mean they didn't know about what? Well, you would tell them and they would say, well, fuck it, I want milk. So they took milk. What a bunch of bastards. Anyway. Not mine. You can buy milk tops with a lock on them.

That's shocking though. I don't want to use a lock in a fridge. People that Ross used to live with would have knifed that and got some milk out. Smashed the lock through. It's like when that guy next door to me left Lady Gaga playing all night long. Just after I upgraded his sound system with a nice subwoofer. And the water paper thin. La, la. It was that song. In our last flat hymn. Which

the floors the floors were like really thin you could hear everything you could hear the person upstairs going toilet you can hear you can hear when you know

The lady upstairs brought a man home and all this kind of stuff. Yeah, exactly. But I remember one time she'd gone out. Listen, hearing different things, Craig. Leaving her. I was listening. She got out leaving the Bluetooth speaker play and I had to connect. I found a way to connect to it to stop the music. That was the only way we could do it. Really? Yeah. It turned out that he just left it. He locked his door. And I was like, how can we play tricks on her now? Yeah. That was really annoying that he did that. And yeah,

So when I went to uni, I know I'm extending this a bit too long now, but like, you know how you got your mini fridge. I was very excited because I got a Tesco coffee maker, you know, like one of those like drip ones. Very, very cheap. But like, you know, like where you put the filter in the top, coffee in the top. Up until this point, I didn't really add instant coffee. Like a V60. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, but it has a boiler built into it. So basically you put the jug in. Yeah.

turn it on, it boils the water, then feeds it through the filter and then into the cup. And then it has a heater underneath it. So you've always got like a filter coffee ready to go. And I thought, oh, that'd be great.

It wasn't great. Most of the time I would end up starting to drink this coffee because I'd be like, right, got an essay due in tomorrow and I haven't done it and it's 2am. Time for the classic. Let's do this. And so, you know, I'm hammering it until like literally children are walking by my window going to school the next day. And all that's happened is I've written half of a terrible essay and I'm shitting black hot liquid constantly because I've drank two and a half litres of black coffee. And I'm just like...

and like it's so the feeling is horrible because my body's got to the point now where I've just had so much coffee that it's having a full laxative effect weird so it's yeah didn't

I wouldn't recommend doing that, really. Just maybe stick to one or two coffees. So that's not a problem with the machine itself. It's my access to the machine that's the problem. I can't be stopped. Yeah, yeah, exactly. On to the next one. That's going to help. And I think a lot of people struggle with impulse control. It's a very hard thing to do. So you've just got to remove the thing, I find. What if, for example, your halls were too hot? You just turned the cold shower on all day, right? That was in the first place. That logic is crazy to me.

So just to preface this, I went to Uni in Wales, which is known as one of the water capitals of the world. They have the most abundant water supply in the world. It's not a waste of water. Somehow. Also, water is not for profit in Wales, which is quite interesting. So anyway, all those things hoping to soften the blow that in 2013, before we quite knew quite how bad wasting water was, our halls got really, really hot and they wouldn't let us open the window.

Yeah, when did we go? 2011? 2009, yeah, yeah. Why didn't we let you open the window? Because we were on the fifth floor and there were safeguarding concerns jumping out windows. Any buildings don't let them out. It couldn't open and then just hit a stopper.

Yeah, that's basically what it does. But it does fuck all. Tell you what also gives you fuck all, but we did it anyway. For at least the first few months of summer, we would run our showers on cold in our en-suites and leave the door open so the shower would water cool the air. Did it work? It sounds crazy, doesn't it? Tell you what works better, just jumping in the shower for two seconds and then getting back outside. Going into the cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clothes on. Yeah.

But we didn't do it for very long. No? Were you on a meter, or was it just like a one? No, it's all included. Oh, okay. Well, then run it. No, that's not how it works, Craig. What do you mean run it? Cost? Does it actually work, though? Monetary cost is not... What was the effect of it? Did it work? No, it doesn't fucking work. No, no, no. I mean, I've not noticed it. I'm glad you tested it for us, because I would never try it, but like...

I would never even think that that would work. When did you figure it didn't work? Because you just said months you were running out of time. How long were you doing it for before you realised that this is actually true? March now. Now I've just got the sound of a shower white-noising me to sleep. I was in the hall for one year, obviously the first year I was there, and...

Probably the summer of those whole holes. So you just a few months a few months Constantly just for like when I got really hot like middle of the day We try we jump in the cold shower and we did the coach Aaron leave the wind door open into the bathroom and

And then it got quite humid, I remember. Weird. A lot of water in here. And the flat didn't get much cooler. But I mean, I wouldn't have noticed because I was smashing World of Warcraft on my PC at the time. Right, okay. So you've got the heat from the PC heating up the room. And I've got two monitors. So I've got a radiator and two monitors. It's so fucking hot in here. Turn the shower on. I think you could still make it. Did you have an extractor fan in the bathroom? Yeah. Yeah.

because it's about creating that high and low pressure to try and drag the air around. Yeah, but if there's no cold air coming from anywhere, there's no cold air coming, you're just moving warm air. And I mean, I guess the cold water would partially cool the air. Like, I mean, it's like sitting next to a waterfall or being at the beach when it's hot. But like, well, it's not like that. But it's a very, very poor impersonation of that concept. Science is there. You don't need to do it because it doesn't work.

I saw an interesting... Also, you probably have to pay for water. And water is a precious resource that we should waste. It's on a similar idea. It just came to my head because I thought it was interesting. I saw a video recently of a firefighting technique they use where they have a pole that goes up next to the window where the fire is coming out of and it blows out so much air

air away from the building it starves it that it creates low pressure and sucks all the air out of the room dis-extinguishes the fire it was amazing that's really cool is that a new thing you need one of those yeah i don't know i've never seen that works if there's no if the any oxidization is coming from the things that are burning so also if the if the door inside is closed because if it's open they'll end up just feeding the enhancing the fire and so they have to inspect it first but if the conditions are right they can just pull up to the window go and

and it just that's the fire yeah well we have time for all your uh yeah that sounds really cool craig uh anyway more for craig later yeah he's gonna go around about the middle east but we have time for that we've got time for that sorry next time i know you mentioned a lot just before we started but we just can't get into it i'm glad i ran away from that problem more like that next time although one thing i was going to mention was um this joe lysett fake news thing

Oh, yeah. Last week we mentioned the Tish Marsh trousers being, or the jeans being censored in North Korea, which I feel like that is definitely a fake story. Because I've heard Joe Weiss has set up a load of fake news stories in the news that are harmless, apparently, and just kind of like silly. And we talked about that one last week, thinking how stupid it was. And I feel like that's going to be revealed. That's apparently what's on tonight, so...

We will find out next week. Very interesting. That's the only one we've seen though, right? Well, there might be others that we've perhaps mentioned. So Two Vagina Woman, maybe. Oh, the Two Head one is real. It was a lot of tabloid stuff that we were finding these, which is probably easy to not vet the journalism of. So it's going to be interesting. I bet that Two Vagina and the jeans thing is probably both of them. Maybe. Because I was thinking about that. I'm like, well, first of all, that story, the Two Vagina thing is either, well, two cervixes was what she was saying, wasn't it? Yeah.

and it wouldn't allow you to have two she said there was a flap inside that separated the two I've totally missed this side it's fine it was last week alright well thanks for listening today we hope you've enjoyed it thank you very much to our Patreons thank you very much to our members and our Twitch subscribers for as ever supporting our films thank you to Craig for being on this podcast for the first time thank you just to finish off any last words I suppose what are you going to do to me it's my last words yeah last words of the podcast

If you were to just never speak again after this, what would you say? Tell my family I love them. Jesus Christ, that's really morbid. Fuck off, cowpat boy. I'll sign up for that. If you see a cowpat out in the wild, go and see if it's dry or not and let me know. Let Trot know as well. Yes, please. You want the meringue texture. That's what you're going for. Freshly cooked. Crack it in a little bit soft.

And melty if you put it on your tongue. Yeah. Send any pictures of them into our PO box. Postman Pat. Postman. Nice. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you next week. Maybe not Craig, though. What? Rest in peace. Bye. Why is he like this? Oh, I miss you. Ever since I met you at Spacefuck. I miss you. Ever since we parted at Spacefuck.

And I kissed you in a hard vacuum at Space Fuck. No need to freeze my embryo, I just put it outside my soup. Couldn't think of existing hard vacuum, cause my love's short dope. Said phasers to come, cause I'm on the run. Cause I didn't pay at Space Fuck. He fucked and dashed. I ejaculate, evacuate, and I run.

Shoot my dude in a scoop. Shoot my dude in a scoop. I ejaculate, evacuate, and I run. Shoot my dude in a scoop. Shoot my dude in a scoop. So Facebook should come, because I didn't play on Facebook. Facebook should come, because I didn't play on Facebook. And I run, and I run. Shoot my dude in a scoop.

Spacebroke called in Europe. I used to go. I ejaculated. Evacuated. I railed and bailed. Bread and flit. I nutted and boned. And I wish I was revolting. I ejaculated. Come on down to space, fuck. That's right. This whole thing was an advert. Hey, you. I'm loose and I'm loose. You heard it. I ejaculated.

Hey, do you like role-playing games? Well, you should check out Mystery Quest. It's an actual play podcast where we focus on all kinds of indie TTRPGs with a rolling cast of special guests. You can find us anywhere where you get your podcasts. I'll see you there.