KAYELONI SCOTT | Healing Women Heals Mother Earth
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But I know that part of my self-care is also taking that time to feel because with the work that I do, it's so fast-paced that oftentimes you just kind of shove that stuff deep down and you keep doing what you need to do. But actually letting that come up and feel it and just like be okay with being emotional and feeling those things, it's important.

Young and Indigenous Podcast is an outlet for people to know about Indigenous knowledge, storytelling, and history. Through our youthful journeys as Indigenous people, young people, and elders share their experiences with us. Without them, we wouldn't be able to do this. We're about to tell some Red stories. Stay tuned. Yay, podcast! Red Eye on the Pond

Nowtseye, I'm Nishtalicha, Santana Rabang, Senesnat, Chekhlamisen. Hello my respected people, my name is Santana Rabang and I come from Lummi through my mother and through my father I come from Nooksack and First Nation Shwe village.

I am a daughter, an auntie, student, activist, and proud canoe paddler. I'm so happy to be joined here today by Kealani Scott, who is an enrolled member of Spokane, but also descends from Nez Perce. She is the director of the Columbia and Snake River Campaign, working to recover salmon populations in a free-flowing Snake River. Kealani is dedicated to being a voice for salmon and overall is such a strong and powerful woman.

This podcast series will highlight women's leadership within grassroots movements, but most importantly, how they take care of themselves while being involved in high-level advocacy work. It's important we talk about how self-care is essential to being an advocate. While the movements we fight for are important, so is our mental health and well-being as women.

So Kealani, thank you for being here today. Can you please introduce who you are, where you come from, and then I'd love to talk about the work you're involved in.

Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm Kaylani Scott. I currently reside in Henderson, Nevada, originally from the Northwest, born and raised in Idaho, grew up in Lewiston, Lapland area. And a lot of my work still brings me back to the Northwest. So it's nice to have that connection. But most of my family is still in the Northwest. And so between Idaho and Washington, I have a lot of relations.

Nice. Thank you for being here today. I'm so happy you made it up here from quite a bit of ways. I'm sure your flight was pretty short though, right? Oh my gosh, I love the flight here. It's direct flight. It's two hours. Yeah. It's so easy. Perfect. So I'm happy your travel here was good. Can you talk a little bit about your work that you're involved in?

Last April I was appointed as the executive director for the Columbia Snake River Campaign. And this was a little bit of a transition for me. Originally I started my work, really I guess started my career with the Nez Perce tribe as their communications manager. And that's really where I found my why and the direction I wanted to go with the rest of my career in advocating for these life sources, these critical life sources like salmon and others.

and working through the Nez Perce tribe and learning more about that deeper connection and the deeper reason behind why they fought so hard and continued to fight but for so long I wanted to be part of that and whatever

skills, talents that whatever I have to bring to the table, I wanted to do it in that capacity. And that's been my goal ever since. And so after working for Nez Perce Tribe, my partner and I made a transition to the Southwest and I took a

position with American Rivers for about a year, a little over a year before I kind of, and was still doing some advocacy work there, but before this opportunity became available and I stepped into this role. And so my work now really focuses on bringing people together that have a similar initiative toward restoring rivers, recovering salmon,

being allies to tribes and amplifying their voices and their perspectives. As the original stewards of this land, it just feels so important to ensure that that tribal voice is represented in all of these spaces and represented appropriately. And so in this advocacy work, especially in environmental work, you know, for a long time it's felt like

there wasn't enough tribal representation. You know, there were almost these two separate groups both doing, you know, good work. But we're at a point now where we are recognizing that there is so much benefit to working together. And maybe we're not always on the same page, but we have a lot in common. And if we can just focus on what we do agree on and the mission behind our reason for this work, then we can make so much more progress together.

That's one of the biggest pieces with my work is to create those connections and build relationships and always ensure that the tribal perspective and priorities are on the front line and that we're upholding those and working toward those goals and initiatives. I feel like I, well, no, I came across, I first came across you and...

2021 for our first salmon people gathering. That's when I started the outreach when we first hosted it on zoom But I didn't have the opportunity to meet you until Ashlyn, Oregon, right? Yeah, so it's crazy to see everything come full circle because everyone has transitioned so much from 2021 because you were

originally working for Nez Perce with Shannon Wheeler and then you moved into this campaign director position for the Columbia and Snake River and I feel like I've just witnessed everybody's

I didn't witness it firsthand, but I knew of your transition and I've just known of your journey as well as like all the other women like Amy building her nonprofit Ridges to Riffles and Vanessa joining Ridges to Riffles now and it just feels like everybody is on their own journey of advocacy and it all looks different in different ways, but

I feel like what I'm hearing you say is like it's all intersected in one way or another and we have so much in common whether we realize it or not and when once we come together and we start putting two and two together and sharing resources and engaging in conversations that you really feel seen and heard in I think is just the most beautiful thing that I've been able to witness throughout my years at Children of the Setting Sun Productions.

Is there a memorable event or movement or time in your life that you feel is super significant to who you are now as a woman? You know, it's funny. I was just thinking back of like how leading up to this point, and so much has happened over the last, I don't know, six, seven years. So I started working for the Nez Perce tribe back in

Well, I started working for them in 2016, actually, but didn't start my role as a communications manager until 2017. And oddly enough, growing up, so I went to school in Lewiston. I was definitely the minority. There were just a handful of Native kids at that time, and I kind of fought with my identity and this feeling of just being uncomfortable and not wanting to stand out and just the community that...

that I grew up in, there's just a lot of, there's a lot of misunderstanding. I didn't want anybody to know about me or who I was or my culture because then they would ask questions and then I would feel awkward. And I just, I really hadn't found myself. And I was also very quiet, very reserved. I wasn't anti-social, but I definitely was not one of those students that was overly engaged in the high school activities. You know, I would go to games and things like that, but

actually in high school when I kind of wrapped up my high school sports career, I ended up going into journalism. And so I was a co-editor for our high school newspaper. And so for the last two and a half years of my high school career, that's what I kind of dedicated my time to. And my advisor was always trying to get me out of my shell, but I was so just uncomfortable with who I was being in that space. So anyways, I think that developed me to have

a skewed sense of reality in what it means to be successful and what it means to prosper. And when I was younger, I kind of saw the things that got you into those spaces were being better than somebody else. And so I always felt like I was competing against someone and I was always needing to point out how I was doing better than this other person. And it didn't

I didn't feel good and I would leave these situations just feeling very disappointed, but I also just didn't know how else to go about it because otherwise I continued to feel inadequate and less than. So throughout high school, throughout college, and sometime beyond that, I just kind of went through this

this weird internal struggle of trying to figure out how to be connected and how to better myself. And I've always been one of those people that's working on myself constantly, finding areas where I can improve. In 2016, I was actually living in Portland, Oregon, and I decided to move back home. So I actually had gotten divorced. I quit my job and I moved back home to Idaho. And I felt like I had taken so many steps backward as a 24-year-old.

And in hindsight, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I was 24. What was I worried about? But at the time, I just felt like my world was crashing. I felt like I was on this path towards success, you know, having a career and being married and having benefits and all these things. And then here I am going back home.

And I think as a kid too, like you're always, maybe not everybody, but I was excited to get out. Like I wanted to explore the world. And so, you know, I had, I moved, I was in a city being in Portland out of, you know, transitioning from Lewiston. So anyways, going back home, I just, I felt like I was in such a rut. I moved back in with my parents. I didn't have a job. I was trying to figure it out.

And through that process, it was very humbling trying to find another job that I felt compared to my position I left. And what ended up happening was I took a temporary position with the Nez Perce tribe doing clerical work in their finance office. And I was...

I mean, I was organizing papers. I was stapling documents. Like it was just, you know, it was just clerical work. But it was something that would make sure I could pay for my car and cell phone and, you know, all of those little things. Being humbled like that required me to put aside my pride and this idea of needing to be better than other people because I had fallen behind. And I mean, realistically, like I just felt like I've,

I have nothing to show right now. I have nothing to be better with. So being in that finance office, I got to know a lot of the women. And the women in the office were older and most were mothers, grandmothers. I think at the time, I think the only other, there was one other person that was younger and she was working the front desk. And so these women just became my cheerleaders and

they didn't they didn't have to um it was really it came from a place of like understanding that struggle and when I say cheerleaders um they were cheering for me and supporting me to get back up on my feet but then thrive and even potentially do more than what you know they were happy with with what success looked like for them and so it had nothing to do with

being competitive or trying to outdo somebody. And I think that was the first moment where I realized it didn't have to be that way. One of my biggest goals was finding these women that I could look up to, that I could, and professionally, right? I have a lot of women in my life between, you know, my mom and sisters and folks like that, that I've always looked up to. But in a professional sense and wanting to become the type of person that I wanted to be,

um i needed to let people in and put aside any pride that i had so from that moment i mean those women really helped me move along in my career and they just they talked to whoever they they spoke well on my behalf all of those things um

So from that point forward, I just kind of kept moving. And through my work with the tribe, I got to meet all these amazing women. You know, eventually I worked for another program before I became the communications manager. And again, I think I became close with another just amazing woman, Janelle Yearout. And she has such a cool story. So she's a beautiful, strong woman. And she's a mother of, I believe, seven now.

Um,

But she's also a boss. She stepped into the role as the executive director for the community development financial institution that the tribe had just started. And she has grown that program into just this beast. It's amazing. And so she was one of the first women where I was like, okay, I'm taking notes. And it's funny because when I was working with her, it was just her and I at the time. And I felt we both felt like we were just this dynamic duo and we're going to do all these things.

And then the communications manager came up for the tribe. And I actually wasn't going to apply. I was very happy and very comfortable with where I was. But my cheerleaders from the finance office were like, Kaylani, this job is made for you. You've got to apply. So I did. And I felt guilty. So I didn't tell Janelle about this job.

And at the time, Shannon Wheeler, who's currently the chairman and, you know, somebody that I'm regularly like connected to, he was on the advisory board for the fund. And he was in there talking to Janelle and he's like, well, what are you going to do if Kehlani gets that job? And Janelle looks at me and I was like, Shannon, what?

And she was like, well, I don't know. What are we talking about here? So totally spilled the beans. And so I told her and she was so supportive. She was so excited for me, like didn't even bat an eye about the idea of me potentially leaving. And so like that was cool, too. Right. I I've been in jobs where like I got reprimanded for putting in my two weeks or I got reprimanded for needing a sick day.

And she was never like that. So anyways, that was just another moment where I was like, okay, this is another like woman that I'm putting in my cabinet and I go back to her all the time. So stepping into the communications manager role, I, you know, it was a new position. It was a new department. I had to figure it out. And so again, you just really lean on people to try and figure it out. And I found so many people that were willing to put their pride aside and just help me try to, you know, be the best version of myself.

And so there was so much that happened in that first few years, including the pandemic, which is how we got to meet virtually through the salmon people gathering. And I remember I didn't know what we were doing. And in fact, I actually had to reschedule my day because last minute Shannon said, you should probably sit in on this. I was like, well, what are we doing? And he's like, I don't know. He's like, you just better sit in on this.

So I said, okay, I mean, it's the chairman, you know, you just, you change up your schedule and that happens. So it was just a few of us sitting in that room and it was an all day virtual event. I didn't know what it was. And I was just totally enthralled because one, my day to day at that point had been reading reports, typing them up to dispense to our employees about the pandemic and

like it just became the norm so it was nice to have a break right and i i was loving everything i was seeing on this screen and it just felt like so many people um were just doing this great work and i was also like kind of jealous because here i am having to write these coveted reports and you all are doing these cool like videos and interviews and like you're meeting all these amazing people and then i remember amy cordalis coming on screen and i just in my head i

I like saw her and I was just in awe. Like I felt like starstruck. And I was like, this woman is a badass. I just, again, it was another person like I'm taking notes. And, you know, this was before they were starting to remove dams and they were still trying to work toward getting that approval and all the things. I didn't meet Amy until about a year and a half ago. And somebody's like, oh, Amy's here. And I was like, oh, Amy who? And they're like, Amy Cordellis. And I was like,

oh my god she is the cutest petite like little woman but such a powerhouse and so it's so funny like seeing people on zoom and seeing you in person and you know you just don't get that full scope but then i was even more so like enthralled to see just this like just this cute petite little woman um that commands so much space in such a beautiful way and you know through up to that like i had the honor of meeting so many

women leaders. And I don't know that it was always like that. There's definitely been a lot of spaces where I am maybe one of two or the only woman or indigenous woman in a space. But it's becoming more common to where we are actually dominating the spaces. And I love that. I get so excited about that. Our voices are being heard, our voices are being valued. And it's

I've just been able to do that ever since and I've felt so much better and so much more connected. Kind of adding these women to my cabinet and taking notes on what I admire and I strive to be more like that. And so there's just been so many women along the way that I've collected, if you will. And I just continue to refer back to when I

when I need a pep talk or I need you know some strength or whatever it might be or just even brainstorming sometimes venting right um and that these women are who do that for me and so like through my transition I think it's it's so cool like you know my my career um it has it has transitioned so much over the last few years but I think in particular um building my relationships has ultimately like been the foundation of my growth

to be the person I need to be for the work I'm doing now. I really feel like I've been more connected as an Indigenous woman through the work that I've done at Children of the Settings and Productions. And that's what I feel so thankful for every single day is it doesn't feel like a job to me. It feels like a part of who I am. And that's what I love so much about, like, even the work that we do with these salmon people gatherings because my grandma, she passed the year before I was born. Mm-hmm.

And I never got to meet her, but I knew she was a fisher woman and my mom is a fisher woman, but it kind of stopped at me because my mom, she just chose a different path to walk and is finding her way back to herself. So I think that kind of was lost throughout, you know, my generation is not really getting to experience that, but all of the work that I've done with

Daryl and the crew in regards to advocating on behalf of salmon, I think has it like ignited a fire inside me. And I always feel like she's speaking through me in the moments where I feel most connected to like salmon and mother earth and what ultimately brings me closer to our ancestors. And so throughout this journey,

I think it's been like, I don't know. I was, my first year was in 2021, but I took a year break to go work for tribal council out in Lummi and just realized that politics wasn't for me. It's really tough. Um, I definitely came back to work for Daryl and was like, um, it just made me realize that this is the type of work that I want to be involved in is, um, really just about

building community and relationships with one another and I feel like that's like what my job is um is creating those connections with people and amplifying their voices and just providing them a space where they can you know talk about whatever whatever their heart desires um

So, yeah, I know I really resonated with a lot with what you said. And I feel like all of the women that you talked about are all the women for me, like in this podcast series. And so you're one of them. And I just, yeah, thank you again for being here today. Hey, hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

I want to talk a little bit more about the dams and the impact that they have on your health and well-being as an Indigenous woman. Can you talk a little bit about those impacts? Yeah.

I had known for a long time the negative impacts that dams had. I would say that my dad actually was the one that got me interested in fishing first, you know, and my whole family loves to go fishing and it became a regular part of our childhood.

But my dad has always been just very in tune with what's going on and he would share his opinions, you know, and sometimes they were opinions, not necessarily facts. But, you know, he had a very clear picture of the reality to the struggles of salmon we're having. And I also knew when I started working for the Nez Perce tribe that they they supported dam breaching. But that was kind of the extent of what I knew and understood there.

And as I got deeper into my work and was making connections and people were, you know, building that trust with me and I had that credibility and they started to share more details. And, you know, in my work as a communications manager, basically whatever I was told to do or where I was told to be, like I was just, I was going to do that. That was part of the job. And so similarly, when the dam breaching salmon recovery piece became popular,

I guess a bigger priority for the tribe and they looped me in. I was like, okay, this is another, I'll add this to my list. This is another thing we're working on. And when Representative Simpson came out with his proposal back in 2021, the tribes, the Northwest tribes got behind him and supported that. Having a Republican from Idaho spending so much time and then putting out this

comprehensive proposal that supported dam breaching was unheard of. And we felt like this was such an opportunity to work together and actually work toward finding solutions. So it was at that time, you know, I was given the direction, we need to figure out how to support this and amplify this and, you know, get it everywhere. And so again, it was just part of the job.

But it did get me starting to think about my connection to salmon. And like I said, growing up, you know, that was part of the summers as a family. We didn't do these big luxurious family vacations, right? We were on the river, we were camping, we were in the mountains. You know, and that's how we spent our time. And I just remember my favorite trip as a kid was going to

the South Fork of the Salmon River and we would camp out there for a long weekend to a week and we'd just be fishing every day and we'd be hiking and you know playing in the water

Um, you know, eating bologna sandwiches and whatever else. Uh, and it's just, I just have such fond memories of those times. Um, and where we would camp, it was up on a hill and we would have to, you know, walk down this, this dirt and gravel road to, um, where we would fish. And whenever we caught fish, we'd have to carry these, you know, 20, 25 pound fish back up the hill. And so I remember the struggle of that too. Uh, and I just loved it.

But I also remember when we stopped going and it was ultimately because there were no salmon runs. And when there were, they were so small and it became so competitive with people just trying to feed their families that we didn't go anymore.

And so I kind of just, I don't know, we would go fishing every once in a while, but it wasn't a regular occurrence. And, you know, then, of course, you grow up and you have other interests. And I, you know, I finished high school and I went to college and, you know, everything that comes with that, trying to find myself. And so, you know, as I started getting into this subject at work, I started kind of reflecting on these things.

Well, I didn't have, like at that younger age, I didn't really connect the two. I just knew like, oh, okay, there's not good salmon runs. Like, there's means of salmon aren't coming this year or whatever. But, you know, in reviewing Simpson's proposal and trying to figure out like next steps, we had a gathering in Pendleton, Oregon, and we invited just several tribes to

And we had tribal leaders from Idaho, Montana, Washington, Oregon, all gathered in this space. And I helped organize this gathering. And all of the tribal leaders that were helping organize it just said, we don't really want an agenda. We want this to just be organic. And we want a space where people can share and, you know, figure out how we can work together to support Representative Simpson. Yeah.

And so my role in that was taking notes and taking pictures. And there was this idea that maybe we would do a joint press release afterward. And so that was what I was doing. And in the meantime, all of these different tribal leaders were sharing their stories. And it became a really heartfelt space where people were getting very personal about their concerns and the realities of what they've witnessed over the last several years.

And as I was taking notes, you know, I was listening, but I was also very focused on my notes. And one of the women leaders stood up and there were actually two of them. One was from Montana and the other was from my tribe, actually Spokane tribe. And both of them had spoke to

being blocked, blocked nations, meaning that salmon are not getting back to their headwaters. And they haven't for years, decades, actually. And they were very emotional about it. And at the time, I didn't really understand. But I remember pausing my notes because I felt like I just felt like I needed to listen and like actively listen. And when the Spokane leader was sharing her story, she had talked about

how she remembered as a kid being able to go salmon fishing and going with her family. And so of course that resonated, right? And then she talked about, you know, now as a tribal leader, she recognizes that she has multiple generations within her tribe that have lost their connection to salmon completely. I mean, and what does that mean? I, at the time I was just like, oh yeah, they can't catch salmon. That sucks. But as she talked about this story, she said it felt

so amazing to finally have this cultural experience where they brought in a truck of salmon and dumped these salmon into one of our rivers or reservoirs because it is a blocked river it's not free flowing and it's pretty stagnant water it's more like a lake and this truck dumps the salmon into that body of water giving us the opportunity to experience fishing

she felt some sort of way about this, but when they put the salmon in the water and she got to witness the kids fishing for the first time and the elders getting to teach them the traditional ways of fishing and sharing stories about them fishing as kids, it was heartwarming and it just felt like she just felt so proud that they got to this point. But that was a moment of

where she had that feeling because she quickly came back to reality that this was temporary. This wasn't fixing the issue. It was merely putting a band-aid on it and saying, you know, here's something, like, that should be good enough. But those salmon can't live in that water. They can't access, they can't get back to the ocean. They can't get to their spawning grounds. They can't move freely. And so this was this temporary, and that was heartbreaking for her. And that's the moment that

and it took me a little bit to realize this was the moment but that was the moment where i realized i wanted to do what i could to help find the solutions to fix the problem because i couldn't i couldn't bear the idea of having that happen to my dad or my nieces and nephews and i mean that without just when i said i needed to i needed to learn i needed to understand and i needed to lend whatever skills i had to the cause

And that became my job. I mean, that became the bulk of my job. I was still doing other things. But really that, you know, at the time, that was such a huge priority. Well, still is a huge priority for the Nez Perce tribe. And I learned so much. You know, you get asked, like, what kind of learner are you? You know, do you learn best from, like, reading, listening, doing? And I always thought I was a doer. I had to do it to understand it. But what I actually learned is that

I learn through stories and that's the best way for me to actually get a full grasp and retain information that's being shared with me. And that's one thing I love about working with the tribes is they actually like to teach through stories and it makes sense that that's actually the way that I learn best. And so

Learning more about the issues with the dams and the devastation that they're causing and have caused for, you know, decades. And understanding the true reality of the state of the salmon. I really learned that through my mentors and building these relationships and having these connections with people, you know, along the way. But that's really where I found my place. And honestly, when I moved to the Southwest, this was the biggest...

This was the biggest project of mine that I had a hard time leaving. I loved my job as the communications manager. And out of all the things that I got to work on and that I was privileged to do this piece of working on salmon restoration and dam removal, I just felt like I was leaving my baby behind.

And so I felt just honored when the Nez Perce tribe said, well, we'd love to keep you on contract. And, you know, we definitely have things that we could use your help with. And so, you know, I haven't been doing this work nearly as long as some people. I mean, I've talked to elders and others that, I mean, this has been their lifelong work. You know, they've been doing it from a young age and, you know, passed away doing it. And here I've been doing it since, you know, 2021, basically. Me too. Right. Yeah.

I just I feel like I've grown up in this space now. But through that, you know, just collecting the stories and really understanding like I know I know that not everybody can fully grasp like what it means to be connected to to these life sources, you know, between the the water and the fish, right?

and everything else and i don't expect everybody to understand but it's real and i think you know people need to respect that and even if you don't fully understand it like this is our truth you know and i also think um you know i was able to better identify my connection in being able to have these type of conversations with other women

Where, you know, I'm not just this crazy environmentalist that cares about fish and things like that. But, you know, these are things that really they're just it's embedded in us. It's like it's in our DNA to care about these things, things that, you know, we don't have to care about. You know, nothing is requiring us to care about these things anymore.

But I think for a lot of us, it means something to be able to care so much, so deeply for something that we don't have to is our greater purpose in life. And when you become so wedded to an issue, there's no going back. I feel like you get so like just enthralled in this work. And like when I had, when I felt like I might be leaving it, it just like, I felt like I was losing a piece of me, um,

you know, and it just becomes part of your identity. And really what it comes down to is you, I mean, one, I know I'm privy to a lot of information that maybe a majority of people aren't, but you realize what's at stake. And when you can see that big picture potentially missing the piece of salmon or clean water or orca, it's not a whole picture. And it's not a picture that I feel comfortable hanging on my wall.

And so I want to make sure that those pieces stay. And if they're out of place, I want to fix it. And being the person I am, I can't leave that unfixed. Anyways, so when it comes to dam breaching, I've been privileged and privy to a lot of information that maybe people haven't. And especially through the stories of hearing the devastation that...

construction of the dams had on my people, you know, families, children, elders, it's not okay. And I, it just doesn't sit right with me. And I guess being the being the type of person I am now, I feel like I need to do something about it. I mean, you're not going to

walk down the street and see a child sitting there with no parents around or anybody else and just walk past it, the child, you know, you're going to help that child. You're going to try and find the parents. You're going to try and fix it, you know, and that's, that's kind of how I feel right now. I can't just walk by. I know too much at this point. No, I agree. And I'm with you. I'm, I'm right, right alongside with you. I think it's so beautiful when we have these

really heavy like life transitioning moments that really push us down the journey that we are on now and

This work did that for me for sure like I wouldn't have been involved in salmon restoration or advocating on behalf of dam removal if it wasn't for my involvement here and the mentorship that I've gotten from you know everyone at CSSP and yeah I just feel like we've we go through those life those life transitioning moments that definitely push us down where we are now and it's

It's definitely moments that we will remember for the rest of our life and lessons that will carry with us for the rest of our lives. I'm also just trying to reflect back on what else you said. It's so early. It is early. We got something else to go to after this, but I'm excited to hear what everybody else has to say later on too because this was –

I think this is going to be another life transitioning moment for me because this was my first year being involved in federal elections. Like the first time I ever voted for a president. First time I ever voted in tribal elections as well. Oh my goodness. So this year was pretty big for me in regards to really paying attention to like what's going on around us. And I'm still trying to grasp what's going on around us.

And I didn't really feel the heaviness of everything until we found out what the results of the elections were and just seeing what everyone's reactions were to that. And that just like kind of goes to show or like goes for it's the same. It's the same for how I felt with

the dams too because when I heard about Amy's story on how she witnessed the largest fish kill along her river and then we saw visually that the we saw visually the footage of all of the dead salmon along the river I just asked myself like what would

I do if I witness that and really just try to put myself in her shoes and like how she would feel and I'm such a big empath like I really it's I feel in gang the most like you said through the stories and I think that's such a beautiful distinction that you made of like how that's how you best learn is through stories because I agree with that wholeheartedly like I feel like that's

the way I best learned and the way she talked about her story, the way everybody's talked about their stories and the way that we've tried to uplift everybody's stories is how like I continue learning and trying to be like trying to put my best self forward. And yeah, it's I get so much through all the stories that are shared and I only will keep keep learning. Right.

No, it never, it never ends. And I totally, I totally get that. I don't feel like I was always an empath. And, you know, as you actually hear these stories and you actually feel the emotion behind these stories, like these aren't just, you know, stories in a storybook, like these are lived experiences. And also, you know, with that salmon kill and seeing that footage, like I get emotional every time I see it because it's just like, how is that even possible? Like, how did it

How did I actually get to that point where that was allowed to happen? And actually hearing people like Amy and Molly talk about that, they still get emotional about it. Those are salmon that they can't bring back. They were completely lost and they didn't get to fulfill their life's purpose. I can't, I don't know, I think sometimes we detach ourselves from the ecosystem

but we're just as much a part of the ecosystem as the salmon and anything else. And so when you think about a huge kill like that, it's got to resonate with you somewhere. Like, I don't care who you are. That's not natural, you know? And I know that natural events occur and there is devastation, but that particular situation was not natural. And so especially to be in a situation where you know something

It could have been preventable, yet you had little to no control over it. And that's as tribal people, we've always been dealt this card, right? We're out here trying to fix these issues that we didn't create, but we know how it should be and we know what's right. And that's why we continue to fight for these things as much as it hurts, as hard as it is. And as you know, doing this work, we don't ever get to leave this work.

We carry it with us everywhere we go, whether it's early morning, late night, weekends, holidays. It just continues, and I'm constantly thinking about it, and I know a lot of us are. It's work that we don't get to leave behind because it means too much. Okay, well, we talked a lot about your work and the impacts that the dams have had on you and...

it's also everyone, right? It's very interconnected. What do you feel when you get in, because this is our life's work and we're gonna die doing this work and passing it on to the next generation. I know times we get tired or you know times get heavy

Is there ways that you take care of yourself in those moments where you're experiencing heaviness? You know, it's funny, especially when it gets hard and like even after the election, I was like, why can't I just work a normal job where I can like do the nine to five and then go home and, you know, not have to worry about it. But I know that wouldn't be fulfilling and I would know something is missing from my life. And yeah,

Like I mentioned, I don't feel like I ever get to put the work down because it's just part of me. It's more than just a job. And so it's hard. It's hard to find that balance and making sure that... Someone once told me, because I just... I don't know. I've always been one of those people. I'm very flexible. And if I'm needed somewhere, I'm going to do everything I can to be there and bring whatever I have to the table.

and especially working for the tribe, like I truly felt in working for the tribe and even now that I'm doing this work on behalf of the people, like I'm trying to uplift the people in the best way I know how. And so when I am slacking or not giving it my all, like that's not to the benefit of my people. And so I always kind of have that in the back of my mind.

And I remember, you know, when things just get crazy as they sometimes do, I had somebody tell me like there's, they said, whether you take time for yourself or not, there's always going to be issues at hand that you're going to have to deal with. So you might as well make sure that you are your best version when you are facing those situations head on.

And I was like, yeah, whatever. But the reality is it's true. Because when I am wore down and ragged and coming to a situation and I'm not my best version, like I am not representing my people well. I am not speaking up for the salmon correctly. And so it is important to take those steps back and make sure that I am taken care of. And I think one of the challenges, you know, I don't know how you grew up, but I

Growing up for me, you know, you didn't really talk about your mental and emotional health, even like with your physical health. It's like if I fell, my dad was like, you're not bleeding. Get up. You're fine. Like dust it off. You know, and it wasn't until I was gosh, even maybe after college where we really started talking about the importance of mental health and actually taking care of yourself that way.

But for, you know, growing up, I just thought like, oh, as long as I have some vegetables and I get outside, like I'm good. But it's more than that. Right. And so for me, like in my moments where I just take that time to breathe, it is getting outside and now it's getting outside and hiking. It's getting it's spending time with my partner and my dogs. And one thing about me is I love silence. I love the quiet and I can sit in that all day.

It drives my partner crazy. He's like he talks loud and he likes to talk a lot. And when I'm home, like he gets home and it's just like there's there's not a TV on. There's not music like it's just me and my thoughts. And, you know, that's those are my moments of just solitude. And I thrive in that space. But I think, you know, and to be honest, like the other the other piece of me that is like my self-care is.

It's just like being a couch potato and completely useless. Like I'll binge watch a show and, you know, that's just my time. Like I can detach when I'm focused on some nonsense. Right. And, you know, after the election, I think this was a time where I really needed to focus on my self-care.

We, so many people have been doing so much work preparing for this election. And so many of us were dealing with anxiety. And I, I've never really had anxiety. Like I've gone through my trials and tribulations. You know, I've gone and talked to counselors. But this actual feeling of anxiety or what I can only assume was anxiety was real and it was hard.

And I kept telling myself, I just, I don't, at this point, I don't even care the results of the election. I just need to know so I can figure out what trajectory we are on and where we're headed. And the whole day of the election, I was just, I was just anxious. I tried to just like tune into work and not focus on anything else. And then I think like, I think three o'clock hit and I knew, you know, six o'clock East Coast time. And I was like, I can't anymore. And I turned on the news and

And, you know, that was that was almost it for the evening. I took a break. I went to the gym. I mean, that's another thing where I feel like I kind of have my me time. But went to the gym, went to the grocery store. And it was funny because they're doing all those things. I was like, God, I got to get back. I got to watch the news. Right. I got these election results that I know are not going to be in that night. Like, I just felt anxious, like I needed to needed to know. And I stayed up.

I stayed up clear until, you know, we lost Pennsylvania and I was like, it's over. And so I went to, I went to bed and I was like, maybe I'll wake up and like something will have changed. And, you know, maybe this is just a fluke because I couldn't, like, it didn't make sense. It didn't make any sense to me. And, yeah.

So I tried to sleep. I think I eventually fell asleep, but I woke up early because like I was like, okay, East Coast time, like the news is going to be on. So I woke up early and sure enough, like it was the results were in and this is what we had. And I immediately was like, oh, work is not going to be fun today. And I decided to lay in bed. I decided to just kind of try and work through my thoughts and

but I knew I needed to get up and in that moment I was like, okay, like now we know and we got to do. I know that this isn't the perfect situation, but it feels like we have even more work now. And I also felt like we had no time to waste. And so I just remember like telling myself that I got up, I got showered, I got ready. Um, and I started working and I

Then I was like, nope, nope, I'm not ready for this. I'm so frustrated. I'm so angry. Like, how could the people of this country, like, make this decision? And the thing was, is I wasn't just thinking about salmon in that moment or thinking about the environmental issues, but it was bigger than that, right? This impacted so many areas of our life, being a woman, being indigenous, being environmentalist, like all of these things, right?

And I was like, I need something. But I didn't want I didn't feel I didn't feel ready to talk to anybody about it. And so I was like, I know, I went online and I found the recording of the women's panel from run 2023. And I just remember being there in person just feeling so inspired, you know, listening to those women and sharing their stories and just being very vulnerable.

And I needed that. And, you know, on that panel, we had Dr. Hartwig from Nez Perce and we had Alyssa Macy from Warm Springs and we had Carol Evans from Spokane and three women, again, in my cabinet that I just wholeheartedly admire. And I watched the segment and I picked out my pieces that were going to get me through the day, right? And one of them was from Alyssa. And she said, we can't spend too much of our emotional energy on things out of our control.

And I was like, okay, okay, Alyssa, I hear you. I got to keep moving forward. Anyway, there are a couple other pieces. And I was like, okay, these are the bits. These are like the cookies I'm going to take with me. And so I just moved forward in the day. And there were several moments. And I had, the other thing was, it was so beautiful. I had so many people just reach out and just check in. And I think that was, I think that meant so much because I haven't always felt like

I've had, um, like I've always had friends, I've always had family, like my mom. My mom has always been like my biggest support and cheerleader. But I haven't always felt like I've had this, uh, this large, um, I don't know, like group of friends, right? Or people that just get me. So even like feeling the way I was and trying to express my feelings to my partner, um,

It's just not the same. But when I had all these women that I admire reaching out and just checking in, just seeing how I was feeling and being able to be honest and transparent about the internal struggles and like the feelings that I can't even fully explain because I don't understand myself. It just meant so much to me. And we need more of that. And I thought about like,

a younger version of me, like that wouldn't have been the case. You know, I probably would have called my mom and that would have been the extent of it. But instead I have this community of friends and women in particular that I can lean on and we can understand each other and the struggles. And that's a part of my self-care. I don't know if I would have been able to rebound the way I did if it hadn't been for those women. You know, and even we got on that call that day

you know, with a group of us and we just kind of had our moment to share. I was just like, God, we're so strong, you know?

Even through this mess, like, we're still here. We're still in it. And Alyssa gets on and she's like, it's time to worry her up. Like, it's time to do this. And she's like, dust it off. You're fine. She's so positive. And I was like, yep, that's where I'm at. We're going to do this. She has that type of like aura that's like,

I'll follow you anywhere, you know, like, she just like, rise up, like, it's time. The time is now. It's like, yes, but she does it in such an endearing way. Yeah, you know, like, I've definitely, you know, in doing like growing up, and you have like these aunties and grandmas that are just like, you do that, get over there, take care of this. But Alyssa comes in, and she's just like,

power but caring and like direct but soft. She's like reassuring. Like yeah. Like you can do this. I know you may feel like you can't but you can. Yeah. And she just she cares so deeply and I love her energy and that you know that's one of the things I definitely have taken notes of with Alyssa is like you can be all of those things. Like you can be hard and soft at the same time. Like you don't have to be one or the other.

But, you know, when it comes to self-care, like it's not necessarily these big things for me. What I thought self-care used to be, like I used to think like I needed a vacation every year. I needed to get pampered, like all of those things. And that's not, for me, that's not what it is. Like I take care of me, you know, I know that like the little things matter. I need to make sure I get myself ready. I make sure I shower and at least brush my hair if I'm not throwing it up in a bun. But I also know like,

My piece comes from being outside, like being active, having my community, having my moments to just binge something. You know, after the election, I was like, I need something. I end up binge watching Schitt's Creek, which I don't know if you've ever watched it, but it's just it's ridiculous. But it's like such a wholesome show. And it's just they're funny. And like that kind of I don't know, I took my mind off of things. Right.

And so those little things help me just kind of keep moving along. Yeah, I think those are those are like the biggest things I do try to make the most of my time when I'm not on my laptop or on my phone. You know, whether that is, you know,

going on hikes or traveling, you know, going to sporting events or shows. But really, like I when I need my absolute most solitude to just kind of recover, it's my it's my quiet moments. And in fact, after the after the election, you know, I had work to do. And we finished up the work week barely. And then I had to go to Salt Lake City. And we

I was going to Salt Lake City because I was going to, I was presenting and talking about why dam removal is so important and salmon recovery is so critical. And this of course is the first presentation I've had to do since the election results. And I was not feeling in the right headspace to be optimistic. And I knew that's what I needed to evoke with these presentations.

And so while I hadn't felt anxiety about presentations or public speaking in quite some time, I was feeling that very heavily and it was on my mind. And so we were on a hike and we had gone up in elevation and so where we were, it was actually, we were hiking along the ridge of this big canyon and there was snow. And right, like I live in the desert, there's not snow and then all of a sudden I'm in snow.

And we're hiking and I started really just like started feeling my feelings and thinking about this presentation. And I remember we were hiking out and I just like looked out on the canyon and I was like, I felt it. Like I felt all the emotions coming on. And like, it sounds funny, but I finally like cried about it. And then I left it there. Right. And I went on.

I did my presentations, I got great feedback, but I know that part of my self-care is also taking that time to feel because with the work that I do, it's so fast-paced that oftentimes you just kind of shove that stuff deep down and you keep doing what you need to do, but actually letting that come up and feel it and just like be okay with being emotional and feeling those things, it's important.

Otherwise, like I would probably explode and I wouldn't be my best self, right, to go to that presentation and to speak on behalf of my people and the salmon and everything else that I care about. So, you know, for me, those are really the biggest things like I...

I need to get outside. I need to be active. I need my solitude and I need to take time to feel my emotions and know that I always have a community of women and people that I can lean on. There is one thing that Alyssa shared with me that I feel like was one of those things that I'm going to take with me. And

I went on a trip with her to Macaw for, I accepted a fellowship through Native Vote Washington and I was doing some Get Out the Native Vote work with her. And so I got to travel with her and I went on a trip with her to Macaw and I had just got done burying my cousin and I had did a testimonial, or not the testimonial, I had did the eulogy for his funeral and that's the first time I've ever did a eulogy, but I was asked to do that work by my family and

And so I couldn't say no, even though a part of me probably should have. But when I went to Macaw, I was just very like irritated, agitated, annoyed, like couldn't really even be in the moment of the work that we were doing.

And after I came back, I reflected on that and I felt really bad to where I went to Alyssa's house and I was like, can I talk with you? You know, because I didn't show up my best self on that trip. And I recognize that. And I was really ashamed of that because I

She was just so positive on that trip. And it was raining for... We camped and it was raining for like five days straight. Oh my gosh, she told me about that. It was so miserable. But here Alyssa is like coming out and the birds are chirping. She's singing her songs. She's just like, yeah. No, literally, she was at the beach. She's singing her songs. I witnessed it. Oh my gosh, she's so... I love her so much. And so I came back and I just apologized to her. And she told me...

You have to learn yourself and know yourself well enough in those moments to where you can take a step back. And I didn't do that. And now I'm like actively practicing that ever since she shared that with me because it's so true. Like I know when I'm not feeling my best self because I'm not motivated or passionate or inspired, you know, and there's a huge difference in like my morale and

So I totally get what you're saying. I haven't been showing up as my best self for quite some time now, but I am changing that because I'm leaning into those resources and those tools that we have when it comes to community, culture, and the family and friends that I have in my life. I'm really...

leaning into those because it has a lot to do with, yeah, pride. Like, I know we have a support system, but like, I don't know why that ask is always so hard. And I'm really just like stepping out of my comfort zone because, you know, we all have similar feelings and I think it's important when we're able to talk about it because then something...

resonates with one another and then we're able to really not feel alone in those times. I think part of that too is we're not all in the same timeline. I was watching this, it was a TikTok, and sometimes I go on TikTok just to find some inspiration. I just need...

Some random person to like give me some words of hope. Get out of the bed. I've come across those. Like what? Okay. Yeah. And this one lady, she was just like, you know what? She's like, we're warriors. She's like, you might need your time to cry and feel and do all of the things. But at the end of the day, we're warriors and you got to get back up because we got things to do. And I've talked to so many people.

especially women since this election who just have a lot of valid concerns and fears and You know, it takes time, you know, it's not going to happen overnight for everybody to to heal and Get back to this place where they can be their best selves. But you know, I I had a laugh I was on a webinar with chairman Wheeler from Nez Perce last week and

And he's great with analogies. Like he can just pull them out of his pocket at any moment. And he said, you know, I know a lot of people are struggling with this election. He goes, and I kind of think about like, you know, you're on a hike or, you know, you're walking around and you got this backpack and it's just heavy. It's so heavy and you can't walk as fast and you struggle through it. He goes, put that bag down. You don't need it. Just put it down. Leave it there and keep going.

And, you know, I heard him and, you know, again, like I've always been brought up of like, you're fine, get up, dust it off. You know, like when you see a kid fall and you like wait to see if he's going to cry before you were like, you know, because you don't want them to. And I feel like that that's how a lot of people, especially in tribal communities, like we just like we got stuff to do. And after I said that, I was like, you know, Shannon, I, I agree. Like, we got to put that backpack down. I said, and I'll tell you, like, I put my backpack down really quick because

But I've gotten to check on it and make sure it's still there several times. And he just kind of laughed. I said, but you're right. You know, we've got to put it down. And I had one of my friends that was watching text me and she was like, I'm carrying that backpack right now. And I said, well, maybe you don't put it all down at once. Maybe you take out a piece at a time and just make the load lighter along your way. I said, eventually it won't be as heavy as it is right now.

That's powerful. Yeah, because you can't, I mean, that's like saying that you could just put down intergenerational trauma at like any time, you know, and kind of bypassing all of the work that it takes to really put that work down. I wish, right? Like, just throw it and keep it going. Right? I know. As easy as that may sound, there's definitely, yeah, a lot of work that goes into that.

Putting it down because sometimes we don't even know what we're carrying, right? Sometimes, you know, I feel very heavy and maybe there's one thing I can pinpoint, but it could be a culmination of things of what's making me feel that way, you know?

Well, as we're coming to an end for our episode and, you know, we talked a lot about, you know, the work that you do in advocacy and campaign work and community organizing and how you take care of yourself when you're feeling any heaviness.

Is there any last words that you want to share in regards to that or any advice you may want to share to any young indigenous women? I think, you know, a couple of things. When I was when I was younger, unlike I talked about, I just I kind of had this this struggle with my identity and who I was. But I felt like success meant I had to.

leave the reservation. I had to go away. Like, I had to, like, you weren't, you weren't successful if you stayed and worked for your tribe, right? Like, there was this sense of me that was like, I gotta go, otherwise I'm a failure type of mentality. And that's not true. And I hate that I had to go through the struggle to learn that.

And there are a lot of challenges to working for your tribe and serving your tribe. And anybody that's done that work understands. You know, it's a small community and everybody knows everybody and a lot of people are related. But when times get tough, your tribe is there. And we always talk about how, like, whenever there's a tragedy or a death, like, that's when we see the biggest turnout of our community. And...

Not everybody has that. Not everybody has a tribe that's going to be there for you when you're going through that struggle. You know, as tribal people, like when we have a death, almost immediately you have people showing up with food, right? And that's just who we are. And so as I got back into working for the tribe, I just felt like I found myself and I found...

I just kind of rediscovered my people and how much I value them and the value that they bring to my life. And so I think one thing I'll say is just working for your people, serving your people, you can't measure the amount of value that comes with that. There's so much to be said about somebody that chooses to stay home and serve their tribe and be part of the community. It's hard work.

But it's so rewarding. And so, you know, I do think it's good to go out and get experiences. There's also, like, I'm so proud of these young tribal members that come back and share those skills and that knowledge or are doing work that supports, you know, these tribal initiatives. I've met several tribal members now that work from other parts of the country, you know, still advocating for salmon in the Northwest. And I just, I think that's so powerful.

You know, the other thing I'll say is it's important to step out of your comfort zone. And I've had to do that so much. Like I mentioned, you know, when I was younger, I was pretty quiet and reserved. And I remember the day where I finally felt like I overcame that was when my high school journalism advisor emailed me. I don't even know how I got my email, but he was like, never in my lifetime would I have thought you would be in communications. He was like, I'm so impressed.

But again, that took me stepping out of my comfort zone and just trying and working on me and trying to do better like always. And yes, celebrate the wins and pat yourself on the back. But stepping out of your comfort zone and taking those risks is so important.

And that, you know, sometimes it's hard to, like I always admired my friends and my colleagues that just knew what they wanted to do with their life, right? Like they wanted to be a doctor, they wanted to be an attorney. And I'm like, what do I want to do? And I just couldn't figure it out. But that's okay. Like take life and just like roll with it and see what comes up. And then the last thing I'll just share, my mom,

has always been my biggest champion. And as she's really gotten into her work, she's also had to be in some tough spaces where, you know, oftentimes she's the only Native woman at the table. And it's so important to have that perspective. And I'd love to see more Native perspectives in those spaces, but especially when you are the only one to ensure that the tribal voice is being represented and heard.

And my mom has this saying and she'll tell me this and she's like, oh, my little elder was on my shoulder today. And her little elder is the one that's telling her, you need to say something, you need to tell them this. And she'll speak out, you know, and it's taken her time to get to that level.

level to where she's comfortable and she still struggles with it. She still, she'll even like, you know, you have the devil and the angel on your shoulders and she's like, oh, I don't want to say it. And then she'll be like, but the elder was like, no, they need to know, you know, and so she'll speak up. And I, you know, that's always been so inspiring to me that like,

If I have to be the only voice in the room, so be it. At least, you know, I'm just going to do my best to represent it how I can, even if my voice shakes, even if I leave afterwards and I go to my car and cry. But, you know, we need to be in those spaces and our voice is important. So speak up as hard as it can be. Yes, I couldn't agree more. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never allow myself because I was

I'm silenced throughout my life in certain experiences that I've been through. And yeah, you just go through a moment where you're like, yeah, I'm never going to be silent again. Well, I appreciate you taking your time and coming and sitting with me for this episode and just allowing us to

sit in this space together and and just share and be vulnerable. I believe there's so much strength in vulnerability. So I just appreciate you and coming and sitting on the Young and Indigenous podcast. Thank you. I'm so stoked. I mean, you know talking about this this women's initiative and I just think about like the warriors that these women are like just so inspiring.

And even I feel like I know that we only met in person not too long ago, but also I feel like we're growing up together in this space and working toward building this community that we all need. And that is really going to just keep pushing us forward. And it's going to grow. And it's just beautiful. And I love that we can just embrace that.

embrace each other and understand like we're all here for one another and it's not a competition and we get it and it's hard and we're going to move through it together. And I just thank you for being that person, for being a connector. I've long admired Children of the Setting Sun for always being ready and at the table and just

having this energetic young staff, like ready to tackle whatever issues we have and be a strong partner. And I really think that's created such a strong foundation of community that we've all needed. So it's such a privilege to actually become part of this family. So I thank you all. I love being here. Yes, you definitely are a part of our family and we love you so much. Hi, Shka, for tuning in to another episode of Young and Indigenous Podcast.

This episode was produced by Haley Rapata, Santana Rabang, and Ellie Smith. Original music by West Shore Canoe Family, Smakia, Nichols, Tanya Teton, Julie Lewis, and Swolkanum. Oh!