Pro Chefs Rank the Spiciest Fast Food
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Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. This show we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaydi. And I'll tell you what, my bathroom is actually ready on account of my bathroom has to be ready for all things at all times, Nicole. Because see, we work a really weird job. Yeah. All we do is eat and talk. And eventually when you eat well, that has to go somewhere. And that somewhere is my bathroom. I still wouldn't call it.

If you're in the UK, a brick sh... A brech? That's a brech, shitties. Oh my god. Josh and I were talking about the internet. We were. Chicken and a can of coke. Tell me where I can get a chicken and a can of coke. Are you Catholic? No, I'm not binary. We're in a silly goofy mood today. We love...

We love the UK area. We love Scotland. We love Ireland. And we love England. I love Northern Ireland as well. I'd throw them in there as well as the UK and Ireland. Northern Ireland and Ireland are different? They've had decades of terrorism and infighting that they simply call the Troubles.

So North Ireland and Ireland are two separate places? So the country is technically called the UK and Northern Ireland. And then Ireland is an entirely separate country. And then there's like what are kind of countries but not sovereign states within the UK called Scotland, England, and Wales. Now they compete...

independently at things like the World Cup and football, but at the Olympics they are the UK and Northern Ireland. I just learned so much. Great Britain and Northern Ireland?

Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Well, I'll say this. This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter we're talking about today, which is we're pro-chefs and we're going to eat a bunch of spicy food from fast food restaurants and decide which one is the best, the spiciest, the one that will make us vomit in our mouths. Because I'm feeling a little vomity today. I am too. We're procrastinating because neither of us really want to do this. No, procrastinating means...

something so different what's procrastinating not i said crastribating oh what is crastribating that's even worse ew no don't tell me okay anyway why not if i said go away baiting do you know where that's from no oh dax shepard you're such a creepo no it's a great movie um no i'm sorry maggie ew it's like a thing

That's disgusting. No, I'm not buying any. We are talking about the general paradox that exists within big chain fast food restaurants of needing to create increasingly spicy foods, but then also making people's tummy hurts inside their car. This is like a real paradox that exists where they're like, we need to keep pushing the boundaries and making spicier things. But also at some point you get to a tipping point and it's too spicy. Nobody wants it. So we have a

A panoply of veritable panoply here. It's crazy the amount of stuff we have. Of all of the spiciest fast food foods. I will say this. The majority of them are chicken.

And one of them is a burger. Chicken. Very popular to make chicken spicy. Yes. But burgers, not so spicy. Why is that, Josh? Tell the people. There's like the culinary debate of chicken is much more of a blank palette than beef. And I think people are less precious about the flavors that go on their chicken than the flavors that go on their beef. And then there's the economic argument that I think is...

is where this is all going, that most new menu items are going to be chicken or at least non-beef because beef is so expensive to produce. The lowest margins at any fast food restaurant is some sort of beef sandwich, which is generally called a hamburger. Yeah.

But I was also thinking of Arby's. How can you not think of Arby's? I would love like an Arby's fiery ghost pepper roast beef. That'd be delicious. I'm surprised they haven't done that yet. Oh, they got buffalo chicken out there. I'd love me some Arby's wet beef. But yeah, that's probably why the chicken's here. Burger places don't want you to buy their burgers. They want you to buy their fries and their soft drinks and their chicken. Yeah. So here we are. Let's eat some. I don't want to do this. We have one that I'm really excited about. I don't want to do this.

Because we have a new item from my favorite fast food restaurant of all time. You have a favorite fast food restaurant of all time? I do. It's the fast food restaurant that I eat at the most. What is it? It's changed over the years, but now that I'm like an adult who kind of cares about my body a little bit more and also my mind and I want to feel good. We're talking about the El Pollo Loco. Well, this is the mango habanero chicken from El Pollo Loco. Have you tried this yet?

I have. I wish you lied. I know I should have said I haven't, but no, I've tried it. Oh, I actually haven't tried it for real.

Because I tried it with the sauce separate. I tried it with the sauce on the side, but this is the first time that El Pollo Loco has really like sauced their chicken and then grilled it. This is exciting for me. This is exciting for me as somebody who I love Nando's, but they kind of, I thought they were going to try and infiltrate the U.S. and really expand it. It sounds like Nando's is kind of out of the game. Are there any Nando's in L.A.? Definitely not in L.A. They're in the U.S. though? No.

They were, but from what I've heard, they closed down some franchises in the U.S. They, I believe, started in D.C. in the U.S. Oh my gosh. And I think they maybe opened some in Chicago. But I was talking to somebody in the industry and they were like, yeah, I think Nando's is on their way out. They're trying to pull out. Oh no, I love their peri-peri chicken. I still remember it from my Euro trip. I think Americans are weird about bone-in chicken, but let's try this El Pollo Loco mango habanero chicken because I love bone-in chicken. It's all I want to eat. Pop it open. I'm going to say the log line here. At a

piece of our fire grilled mango habanero chicken. Perfectly sweet, irresistibly spicy to your order. Choose from breast, wing, leg, or thigh. I think I got all of them. Oh my god. Nah, you gotta go dark meat only, although I do miss the wings. I did purposely get a mix because I always think that spicy works best with

Dark meat? Do you also feel that way? No, I think it's good. I think it's good on all of it. I just think dark meat works the best in my mouth. Oh, you just like dark meat more. I love dark meat. All I want to eat are chicken thighs. I don't even need the drumsticks. If I could do only thighs. Which sucks that thigh stop did so poorly. I'm sorry about thigh stop. Thigh stop was not great. We do have wing stop, so. That's exciting. Do you want to touch? Touch, touch, touch, touch. Touch, touch. Oh, boy.

Oh, yeah. Now, I will say the barometer of my mango habanero awareness is from Wingstop and, like, Buffalo Wild Wings. It's interesting you say that. Why do you say that? Because your barometer should only be from Buffalo Wild Wings because Wingstop copied them. Oh, well, there you go. How does this chicken make you feel? Incredible, and it's actually spicy.

It is spicy. It's spicier than the Mango Habanero. I've had it either Buffalo Wild Wings or Wingstop. Same. Also, this is sweet, but it's not too sweet. It's not super sugary. It's not coingly sweet. A lot of Mango Habanero, it just ends up being like a yellow sugar sauce. There you go. With some spice in it. Yeah.

This is incredible. This is so well seasoned. There's some stank in there, but not like bad stank. No. There's like a chili pulp. There is. There's like whole habanero. You taste the flavor of the habanero. It's real habanero. Which is crazy. I will say, I wish, and this is really tough to do at an industrial scale. I wish they like sauced it and grilled it in even heavier to kind of like get that caramelization. Yeah. Do you ever get a piece of really grilled meat sometimes and it tastes like the grill though?

I like it. Oh, that's the worst. I want it to taste like the grill. Dude, this is lovely. It is really good. Oh, man. What would you rate this out of 10? One on flavor and then two on spice. I'm going to give it a nine on flavor and a nine on spice.

It's quite damn right out the gate. I am so impressed. I give this a nine on taste. I give this an eight on spice. I think there's room to go hotter, but I don't know that anyone will. But I think the pepper pulp makes it linger and stay in your mouth in a really, really delicious way. It doesn't dissipate quickly, which I feel like things like buffalo goes away fast. We're about to find out, but this is just an absolute treat. Josh, you can take the rest home. Oh, my God. Actually, that sounds so good.

I might just pop that in a pressure cooker and then pull it and put it in tacos. Okay, hold on. Look at my hands. I know, I can see. My hands are covered in the sauce. I'm having a great time. Are you going to lick it all? Good. Big ups, El Pollo Loco. Great job out there. That was really good. Okay. People said they hate my eating noises and I'm sorry.

I'm sucking the sauce off my fingers. Maggie's going to edit this out. Oh, you watch all them people eat the crab legs and putting the microphone near their throat so you can hear their epiglottis, but you don't like me sucking mango habanero off my fingers. Don't do that. Don't do that. Oh, God. Even I have limits. I can't do that. Much respect to the mukmongers out there. I can never do what you do. Have you seen the onion boils and the tomato boils? What do you mean the onion boils? What's the onion boils? You're literally gross.

Thank you. You're going to be such a good mom. I know. Trust me, I know. Take the rest! What are the onion boils? They take like, it's the crab boil mix. Sounds like a disease that killed 4 million people in 1917 London. The onion boils of 1912! No, it's where, so crab is so expensive and like shrimp is so expensive that people have now resorted to onion boils.

And they've also started doing like crab sticks, like surimi sticks. Oh, that's just smart. And also tomatoes. Like they do tomato boils like in the tomato mix and people swallow them whole. And it's so obscene. They're mukbonging it? They're mukbonging it. God, that's, that sure is something. Listen, I kind of agree with that thought process though. We're mukbanging right now though. We're mukbanging right now. We're not better than anybody. But I love that general thought process though of like here is a format of eating that I love.

However, it's expensive product. Just put cheap product in there. It's so smart. I would eat like a seafood boil with just sausage, potatoes, corn, and eggs.

You know what I mean? The eggs. Hard-boiled eggs just covered in that sauce. Sign me TF up. Yeah, like I'm down to eat the cheap version of that. Yeah, me too. Throw in a chicken drumstick in there. Like, sure, why not? That's just a great way to eat food. Okay, next up we have Wingstop Atomic. Oh, no. You got the Wingstop Atomic. GD it. And it says, it's the hottest we've got. Find out for yourself, Josh. I care about you so much that I got bone-in and boneless for you to try. Oh, fudge. Do you... Okay, so...

For those of you that aren't watching... I'm glad I gave the El Pollo Loco an 8 on spice thing. Because I haven't had these in probably 15 years. Is my life going to be ruined? I don't think your water is going to break. What if it does, though? It's way too early for that. It's literally too early for that. I don't know how the body works. You really don't know any... I literally told you I was four months, like five minutes ago. Someone said... Recently I found out, though, that...

The gestation period of a human person is not nine months. It's like 40 weeks. Yeah. Well, it depends. Which that is pretty close to nine months. Yeah. It's more like 10 months. Because four weeks are in a month. There aren't four weeks in a month. There's like 4.37 weeks in a month. Okay, go be assigned to somewhere else, ugly. You're so annoying. To be fair, I'm also not reading any books. I'm not doing any research. I'm kind of just raw-dogging motherhood and...

I'm pretty sure that if my OB saw what I was doing right now, he would literally call me dead. Do you think Woodrow Wilson's mom was like, oh, well, let's read a book about gentle parenting and home birthing? No, they didn't have books back then. She ripped it. Also, like one in four children died. Sure, I get that. Yeah.

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Okay, so I was saying before Josh started asking about gestational periods, this is so covered in different forms of chili flake that I'm... Can I dip it in the sauce? No, I need to eat it without putting it in the sauce. Yum. That's tasty, though. Tastes Armenian. It tastes Armenian? Yeah. What do you mean it tastes Armenian? It's strong and vinegary and black peppery. That's good. It's a compliment. I know it's good. I didn't think it was an insult. Mm-hmm.

Shout out to the dude at my gym that I talked to and then randomly his content got served up to me and he just drives around Glendale and reviews the best Lama Junes. Oh my god, I call myself all the time like, you have to go to Tarun Bakery. Dude, hell yeah. Welcome to the dumpster. This is my gym, nicest guy. Okay, this is really hot. Yeah, I go to a celebrity gym. The Lama June review guy from Glendale goes there. What's up? That guy's great. Oh, I love him. Should we go on a ride along with him one time? I would love that. I love Lama Junes. I'm going to message him. Please.

That is the amount of vinegar and black pepper in there is really, really delicious. I wasn't anticipating that, though, at all. I thought it was just going to be heat, heat, heat, heat. I got one with more pepper dust on it. Uh-huh. This is quite spicy. This is a 10. This is a 10. I'm having a great time. I sort of stopped eating, like, ridiculously spicy foods, but I really do miss it. Like, I miss that adrenaline rush that I get.

You almost never get it from fast food. Yeah. Wing stop's a little bit different because, like, you know, they're not fast food. They're, like, they're a wing joint. Does anyone sit in a wing stop? I... Do people sit in wing stops? I don't take food home. I love sitting in every restaurant. Every restaurant?

In-N-Out, Taco Bell. What if it's silly? I'm a 6'2", 210-pound white guy. I've never been afraid of anything in my life. Society has taught me that I am never a prey. I keep going back to this. You know what I mean? Yeah. You want to put it down, and you do put it down, but then it like wings at you and it goes, hey, don't forget about me over here. I'm kind of delicious. Wingstop Atomic Wings. Do you think that that's better than El Pollo Locos, Mango, Hummin' Air, Dragon? No, I don't. Because you couldn't eat a whole meal of this.

If I had a death wish, maybe. Wow. I can't eat more than that. Yeah, it's hurting. I'm hurting for a squirting now. I'm going to say, I'm going to give this a 10 on the spicy scale, but a 5 in a flavor scale. Only a 5? But it's really well seasoned. It's really delicious. Damn. But I would rather have the dichotomy of sweet, tangy, chickeny goodness with a bone-in banero chicken. Yeah, yeah. Because I think that's better. Yeah.

But hear me out. What if you dipped El Pollo Loco's mango habanero chicken in Wingstop Ranch? Hey, hear me out. I want you to live your life. I want you to be happy. Your happiness is actually so important to me as a person. It means a lot. It's true. You being happy is really important to me. That's a ton of spice for sure. Nothing else is going to beat that, right?

No, I don't give it a 7 on flavor. It's really well done. Shouldn't had ice cream on the side. That'd be nice. Run my lips over because it's I feel like I like I adjusted a lip injector. I ate too much ice cream with a sexy Italian man earlier. Now my tummy hurts. Oh, this guy and his Italian. Everyone's obsessed with Damiano David. Maybe you should. Rock star. Maybe you should marry him. Yeah, you think he's down?

Seems to be in a very loving relationship, as are both of us. Can you open the hot... Okay, tell them what this one is. Okay, so this is called Spicy Buffalo Nugs from Wendy's. So I think that this is a direct answer to Chick-fil-A and all these people. I even did this one time. Do you remember when I covered chicken nuggets in sauce and you and Trevor almost vomited by my actions? Did I vomit? Did I threaten to vomit? Yeah, you and Trevor were like...

I don't know that I did that. I think that's a mischaracterization. Sorry, Bessie. I didn't mean to mischaracterize you. Sorry, I'm not here to ruin your character. These are spicy buffalo nugs. And can I please tell you the long line? Because I love, I'm kind of obsessed with all these spicy long lines. They've got drip. They've got sauce. And no, we're not talking about a fit check.

We're talking about Wendy's new saucy nugs! You heard right. Saucy nugs. They told us we couldn't make our classic nugs better. But it's too late. We already did. For a whole new way to nug, it's gotta be Wendy's saucy nugs. And I also got a side of ghost pepper ranch because everybody loves a ghost pepper ranch.

So a lot of people are like, oh, some 23-year-old marketing intern came up with that copy. Nah, that's a VP making $210,000 a year with stock option bonuses at the end. They came up with that, with the thing about the drip, you know, and the fit. Dip it in the ghost pepper ranch. Oh, I sure am. So here's the thing. They've sauced the nuggets for you, but then they're serving it with an additional sauce. I got the additional sauce. Ah, okay. Which is wrong. I shouldn't have done that.

But I felt like we couldn't talk about spicy fast food options without talking about Ghost Pepper Ranch. Their Ghost Pepper Ranch has no ghost pepper flavor whatsoever. What are you talking about? You're tasting ghost pepper in that? Yeah. It's a lovely, like, tangy, spicy, alioli flavor.

That's right, not aioli, but alioli, the Spanish version. You hang out with Damiano David one time and now this guy's ego is out of control. You don't taste ghost pepper in that? No, you taste ghost pepper. Not like spicy. You taste ghost pepper. Ghost pepper has a flavor. I think there's ghost pepper in the Wingstop wings. Josh, me and you are fighting and I don't like it.

That's fine. I hate these so much. Yeah, they're nasty. You know what this is? This is when at the end of the night, you come back, your little stony balloons. All you find are the Tyson chicken nuggets in your freezer. You put them in the toaster oven, and then you see the bottle of Frank's Red Hot in the fridge, and you go, what if...

People are doing it on TikTok. Let me do it too. Yeah, but I don't think it works with a nugget. It works with a boneless wing. A boneless wing is a whole piece of chicken that is actually like... You're right. Right? Fried in a flour dredge. This is like breadcrumb on wet, spongy...

Processed chicken, which is great when fried crispy by itself. You are correct. When you sog that, it turns into like a weird matzo ball. Which is crazy because me and you love fried thing in sauce, but not in this. Not the nugget. The nugget doesn't have enough heft to it. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. It doesn't do it. But I will say the ghost pepper ranch is freaking delicious. If we were just rating the ghost pepper ranch, I'd give that like...

A seven on spice and a ten on flavor. But we're not testing that. We're just testing the saucy nugs. I'm going to give it a seven for... I'm going to give it a six for both, actually. I think taste on the nugs I give a four. Spice with the ranch, I'll give it a seven. The ranch is great. That's the star. They should be dipping the sauce. They should be saucing the nugs in that. Just to... Oh, my God. That's what I did. When I found out what honey walnut shrimp was... Oh, yeah, yeah. I was like...

I had no idea. When I worked at a, let's say, fast casual place in Torrance, in the Torrance Mall, and I was responsible for making the spicy, not the spicy, the, what is it, the shrimp you said? Honey walnut. I was making honey walnut shrimp and honey walnut chicken. The fact that it was just spicy mayo heated up was a shonda to me. I was shocked. I was shocked.

Yeah, that delicious creamy sauce on your hot sweet shrimp. It's just like mayonnaise and sugar. Sorry about that. Hot dressed mayonnaise. So like I don't disagree with just dressing your nugs in hot mayonnaise. Yeah. You eat a lot more hot mayonnaise than you think. That's my big take that I'll die on. Josh, I made a big mistake and I microwaved the Popeye's chicken in the foil bag because I thought the foil bag was fake.

That's a wild gamble to take. That you saw that and you're like, I bet this is fake foil. And I full on... I almost burned down the office. And I told Carly, hey...

You might smell fire. I'm sorry, that was me. She's like, okay, Carly's our front desk nurse. Yeah, Carly don't care. Carly's never cared about anything. Carly unbothered perennially. Especially the shit I do. Definitely not. She's never cared. No. Except when she compliments you. Oh my God, does it absolutely make my day. I love when Carly compliments me. We pass each other on walks during lunch a lot. Yeah? Yeah. So this is... 30% of the time we wave.

Ghost pepper chicken sandwich. Buttermilk battered chicken breast. Here, you eat it. Oh, God, this looks good. With Popeye's new ghost pepper sauce. No. Served on a butter toasted brioche bun with barrel cured pickles. Now, they also just have like... Oh, I thought you meant B-E-R-Y-L. Like a girl named Barrel? Yeah, but isn't Barrel... What is Barrel? Like a girl named Barrel. One...

If you're a girl named Beryl, you're probably really hot. And you're probably a barista. There's one girl named Beryl on YouTube who makes great content. Are you okay? I feel like Beryl's a word, though. Have you gone insane? Google Beryl. Beryl. What are you talking about? B-E-R-Y-L. No, it's not. It's a... No, B-E-R-Y-L. B-E-R-Y-L.

I think it's like a plant, right? Well, maybe because the name comes from somewhere. It's a mineral. It's like a plant. You thought that it was a mineral? It's a rock. You thought that it was mineral cured? You thought that Popeyes was doing mineral cured pickles? A little bit. You're so stupid. Okay. Also, like I was saying, they do make other ghost pepper items. I just wanted to eat it in sandwich form because it's my life. Yeah. Mmm.

He was saying ghost peppers are like 15 years old at this point. Probably even more. I mean, but like 15 years of popularity. It's crazy that fast food places are still putting it out there. Oh, that has a little kick to it. Are you getting a lot of spice? I said a little kick. But that's pretty good. It's the most delicious thing I think we've eaten. The Popeye's sandwich, the fact that people have had five, six years to catch up now and still haven't. Uh-huh.

Incredible. Like, this is the greatest fast food item ever created since the Crunchwrap Supreme. I really want to try the pickle glazed one. I think that would really benefit my life. Yeah. I think they probably made a good bet on that pickle menu because I...

I watched the commercials for Popeye's new like pickle glazed everything. Yeah. And I was like, who the hell wants that? And then I realized, oh, you're no longer like the dominant culture or target demographic as an old person. And this is all the young freaks out there on TikTok, you know, just eating pickles covered in tahini all the time. And pregnant girl. And pregnant girl. And pregnant girl. That's you. I want to eat it for that reason. Incredible.

This sandwich is so dead. I know. This is the Popeye's sandwich. I give this a 10 on taste. I give it a 6 on heat. I agree with you a million percent. I think this could be so much spicier. Delicious sandwich. Delicious. Nothing can beat this. Do you think that the sandwich is better than the mango habanero al pollo loco? The bone-in chicken?

I'm eating that El Pollo Loco mango habanero chicken probably like twice a month for the foreseeable future of my life. Okay. I'm probably not going to have this sandwich for another two years. This is indulgent. This sandwich is indulgent. But this is legitimately the Popeye's ghost chicken sandwich is maybe the best fast food I've had. Oh, my God. That's really good. And they also have just a regular spicy one. But the ghost pepper kind of sends it a little bit into like a different stratosphere for me. I have a question. Do you think this would be better with like a little slaw on it? I think so.

I think so. Maggie, what the hell was that, dude? That was her body. Was that you? Yes. Ignore it. Yeah, I can't really burp, so I do this little burgle thing, and I can't control it. She has this thing. Whoa, wait, you don't burp? Not really. Yes, it's a disease. It's not? What? I have a disease? Maggie, you're very brave. And it was girls just opening their mouth, saying like, ah. It's like the grudge sound. Ah. It's like that. Can't control it. You've been doing this podcast for five years, and you just heard it now.

Maggie, I'm sorry. I don't pay enough attention to your brother. It's been five years. I don't know what to tell you. That's fine. That's fine. Cut that out. You make Maggie feel bad. I didn't make Maggie feel bad. You made Maggie feel it. Maggie, which one of us made you feel worse? You're both of mine.

That sandwich was really good, but guess what? I think it's time for our first boiga. Oh, it's not just a boiga. This ain't just a boiga. No, no, no. This is the El Diablo thick boiga. What was the accent you were doing? I just followed suit. What were you doing? I didn't do anything. You did. You said boiga. And then I did an accent where I talked about the boiga. Oh, my God. Stop it. You're making me so angry.

You know what? I think fast food burgers get better when they sit for 30 to 45 minutes. No, I'm not going to. Okay, let's, so there's. I can't eat. What do they call this when you put a leaf in a book? You press the flower. You press the flower. This is pressed bacon into the, into the bun. The El Diablo thick burger, when this came out, this was like maybe my favorite fast food burger out there. So they had the Audacity burger.

To put whole ass jalapeno poppers into a hamburger. Yeah. Charred boiled olive beef patty, two strips of bacon, jalapeno poppers, pepper jack cheese jalapenos, and a fiery habanero ranch on a seeded bun. Bacon distribution on point. Look at that. Hey, it's an N for Nicole. Okay.

You can have the first bite, sure. Oh, no, Nicole. Here, I'm so sorry. No, please, no. No, Nicole, I insist. You love this burger. I did say that. You love this burger. Eat it. Josh, actually, didn't you, like, remake this burger one time? That's a fantastic burger. It sounds so dry in your mouth. Is that just what your mouth do? It is dry. Is that what that mouth do? That mouth sucks all the moisture. That mouth be dry. Call me the anti-Nancy Reagan.

No sloppy on this toppy. This is absolutely, man, this is called a sandblaster. It's just going to be dry and abrasive. This is the worst thing I've ever had in my life. Well, can I try one thing? Check this out. What if you dip it in Wingstop Ranch? I'll tell you what, the thing we're learning today is every fast food is made better if you have a bucket of Wingstop Ranch nearby. Josh, that burger is abysmal. It's not even spicy. Yeah.

That's a huge bummer. That's not what I remember. You know what I miss? I wish that we had more. We have El Pollo Loco representation, but I wish we had more Mexican food representation. Like, I wish Taco Bell had their volcano, you know, their volcano line. I feel like I'm gone delirious. That is kind of interesting. We've taken, like, I mean, El Pollo Loco is Mexican. But I'm saying that's the one. You said that.

I'm going to give this a two. Two out of ten, two out of ten. Spiciness and flavor. Taste without the ranch a three with the ranch a seven. Taste a three, spiciness a four.

Man, I still conceptually, I love that hamburger. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. You have fried pockets of cream cheese and pickled jalapeno. It did eat weirdly acidic. It's from the pickled jalapenos. There's probably 15 pickled jalapenos on there. It's not very good. And that's the only spice. I also don't like pepper jack cheese. Why would you put... Here's my thing. What's up? Let me soapbox for one second. You have this burger where there are probably 12 pickled jalapeno rings. No.

On that burger. No, you're going to like this. And then you have like three whole pickled jalapenos in the jalapeno poppers on there. Then they have the audacity to say pepper jack cheese. That's a whole slice of jack cheese with probably a quarter of a slice of jalapeno studded inside there. Yeah. How the fuck?

Are you going to taste those little chunks of jalapeno? Pepper jack cheese is a farce. Pepper jack cheese is a farce. It's not a type of cheese. It's a scam. It's jack. Jack is a type of cheese. Pepper jack cheese is the cheese that America has been lying to you about. Oh, American cheese, American cheese, it's not real cheese. Pepper jack cheese is a real cheese. Bless you.

It's Jack cheese that they put little chunks of pepper in. It's not a separate type of cheese. Just eat regular Jack cheese and put some hot sauce on it. Grow up. Thank you. Grow up, dude. I've been saying that forever. I like your vibe today. What's this vibe? Please commenters be gentle because we're in a silly mood.

And if you don't like this, we'll be different next episode. I don't think so. What do we got here? Fiery Royal Crispy Chicken by Burger King. God damn it. Crispy white meat breast fillet coated with our triple pepper fire. Stop burping it. Feels hard. I know.

Wait. Triple pepper fiery glaze top of savory sauce lettuce and juicy tomatoes on a toasted potato bun. Triple pepper. What do you think those three peppers be? Pepper Jack Pepper X Pepper X Trinidad Scorpion

Pudjolokia. Pudjolokia. And that's it. Yeah. Could be like a bird's eye pepper, the piri piri from Mozambique. I'm just going to assume. Like they're getting those there. I'm going to assume it's black pepper. West African scotch bonnet. Paprika and like cayenne. Eat it. You eat it first. The naga viper. You eat it first. Oh, probably chile manzanilla. Well, that lettuce is. No, no, chile manzano. Chile manzano. That means apple, right? Manzana means apple. Well, our Spanish is so good.

Hey, you want to pivot to like a relationship podcast? Yeah. Maggie, you be our first customer. Please no. What do you mean? We're so kick-ass. We're both married. I think. One of us is having a baby. What's the secret? What's the secret to a great relationship?

Don't expect much from anybody. Actually, yes. Actually, yes. Drop your expectations by 30 to 40%. Yeah, just drop your expectations. Find someone that you can just exist silently in a room with for the end of time because that's the best we can hope for. Truly. These romantic ideals from a Hallmark card. This has no spice. This has no flavor. The chicken is hard. The bun's hard. The tomatoes are too soft. What the hell's going on with that sandwich?

Burger King, you had years to respond to Popeye's diss track and you did this to us? Are you getting any spice? There's like a little. Tastes like homemade, but in a home where there's no love. You know what I mean? Yeah. It tastes like a homemade chicken sandwich, but not a good one.

Ultimately, we did learn a lot from all this. I know. First of all, I'm so proud of myself for not throwing up because I did throw up in my mouth twice before this podcast started. I don't know if you knew that or not. No. And then I also learned that I could handle an atomic wing from...

That's really big. Yeah. That's big. I learned that all I want to eat is El Pollo Loco until the end of time. Truly, spicy grilled bone-in chicken is the food group that I eat the most of in my life. Right. And I love that. I will say, though, Wingstop, I haven't had these atomic wings in probably 15, 16 years. They're really good. Since I was a kid and took the challenge or whatever. That's just a great, well-seasoned wing. Wingstop does good work.

Wendy's, God bless you. Popeye's Chicken, best chicken sandwich in the game. And then Carl's Jr., I hope, keep hanging in there. You know?

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Well, all right, Nicole. All right, Josh. We've heard what you and I have to say. Yes, we have. Now it's time to find out. What's the time to find out? What other wacky ideas are rolling around in the universe? That's crazy because I guess I've said that every time for like several hundred episodes. And I've heard you say it. Crazy. It's time for the last segment we call... Opinions are like casseroles. Do I have anything in my teeth? No, just teeth.

You got teeth in your teeth. You're like a shark. I don't know if you know this. Nicole actually has multiple rows of razor sharp teeth. You don't see it. You know, the Jewish stereotypes that go around. I've never heard the teeth one, but I'll take it. You can barely see her horns. I shaved them down. Let's get to that first opinion.

Hey, Josh and Nicole. I like to eat mustard with pizza rolls. Thank you. Mustard with pizza rolls, small child. That sounds really, really good. I also love mustard with pizza rolls. Do you like yellow mustard or Dijon mustard? I think you're stone ground mustard kid.

I think they're a yellow mustard kid. And I think this works on a couple levels. Right? Because one, pizza rolls don't have like a ton of pizza flavor. No, they're just pockets of goo. They're kind of just pockets of mildly flavored goo. Which I like. And what do you need? I love them. But you need something like sharper than even a ranch. Sure. Dipping pizza rolls in ranch, you can get by. It's delicious. All right. But mustard, there's a piquancy to it. What I would try...

Maybe half yellow mustard, half ranch dressing. See where that gets you. Oh, that sounds good. I don't know that I've ever eaten a mustardy ranch. You mean like a Dijon a situation? A little bit, but I feel like there'd be a distinct sharpness in there. That's fun. Great opinion. You have astute tastes. Sounds really good. I'm going to try it.

I would like to say, this is Rachel from New York. I would like to say that I think miso soup is Japanese Gatorade. If you wake up after a long night of partying and having fun and you drink some miso soup, it is the same as drinking a Gatorade. Thank you. Okay.

I'm going to give it to Rachel over here. I will say, Rachel, I think you have a great point about miso soup, one, having a lot of electrolytes, and two, being very great for when you've come home from a late night. I will say, I think your analogies need work. What do you mean? I'm going to say it's Japanese Gatorade.

I feel like there's a lot closer products in Japan to Gatorade. Like Pocari Sweat. Have you ever had Pocari Sweat? What is Pocari Sweat? Meggie, Google Pocari Sweat. Meggie knows what Pocari Sweat is. I know what Pocari Sweat is. It's so good. This is the Japanese answer to the Gatorade question.

Yeah, Japan literally has a Gatorade called Pocari Sweat. This is crazy. I've never heard of it. It's so good. Oh my gosh, I lived off of these when I was in Japan because your girl gets dehydrated quickly. Is there a flavor to it? Just like mild sweet water. I think is the best way to describe it. Why is it called Pocari Sweat? I don't know. Maybe the company's called Pocari.

I suppose so. I suppose in Japan it probably might have different sort of meaning. Maybe. But I do love miso soup. But the only thing is when you drink Gatorade after a night of drinking, and if you vomit it up, you know what I mean? That's nice. I like it. I like when it's blue. But if it's hot soup vomiting up, tough time. Mix with the alcohol in your tum-tum.

Yeah, Jager and miso is not going to taste great. You know, I've never had a Jager shot. Oh, now you're pregnant. You had to wait a couple months. Afterwards, I really want to have a Jager shot. When you give birth. Jager bombs. Call me up. I'm going to come deliver a Jager bomb to your recovery room. Oh, that would be so nice. And you're sure you can come. Are you doing a home birth? No, I'm getting. Woods? Going to the woods? I'm going to Cedars-Sinai. Oh, crazy. Weird. I always wanted a water birth at home, though.

Like a seahorse? Yeah. But then I realized, I think I just want to be around doctors. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I also saw Manchester by the Sea. F'd me up. There's a birth scene in that? I've never seen Manchester by the Sea. Any of us, Maggie? No, I'm not that level. I guess I got to watch Sinners. Oh, can we go watch Sinners together? I have so little time.

Just trying to connect. Hey, I'm just trying to connect. Okay. That's it. I'm just trying to connect. Yeah, if we can take a day off of work. Josh, you're the boss. Yeah, I guess so. Of me. I don't think we're going to end up seeing sinners in theaters together. But all right, next opinion.

I like that. Haley Steinfeld. Hi there. Hi. It's Nick from upstate New York. I have a unique life hack that other people think it's weird, but I was wondering if y'all ever heard about it. For my entire life, whenever I would have hiccups, my mom would tell me to eat a spoonful of peanut butter and the hiccups would go away. I've been doing this since I was young, and I'm like a college student now. But whenever I tell people, hey, eat a...

you know, spoonful of peanut butter, they look at me funny. I was just wondering if y'all have ever heard this or if you guys have any other different ways to get rid of hiccups. But all right. Thanks. Let me know. Bye. This is a fascinating story of anthropology. I've definitely heard of that. And I Googled it with Reddit at the end, peanut butter hiccups, Reddit, and it definitely exists.

My favorite way to get rid of hiccups is to scare somebody. I love scaring the hiccups out of people. It's a talent. I don't have a problem with hiccuping. I've never had a problem with hiccuping. What do you mean? But I did. Well, so I dated somebody that would, if she started hiccuping at the bar, she would have to go home. But then sometimes also if she just got mildly upset, she'd go home. She really loved going home. But the point is she would also have really bad hiccups.

And it's a problem that I can't. Like loud or like her whole body? What do you mean by loud? Whole body rolls. But the worst thing is they wouldn't stop persistent. She tried every remedy. So it's good that she went home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of just like being like a miserable bore, just like hiccuping all over the place. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She she did the right thing.

She would have lost either way. She would have been that annoying girl. We have a lot of empathy for the hiccups. I have a lot of empathy for the hiccups. If she just stood there at the bar hiccuping, flailing around. She sounds like she flailed about. And then she'd be like, oh. And then it would come back really fast. She did the smart thing and she left. I would have just taken a walk maybe around the block and drank water really fast.

It wasn't really about the hiccups. Is it about the relationship? Yeah, I think so. But anyways, the point is, I don't know that science has fully figured out what hiccups is or how to solve them. What? Sorry, I wasn't listening. What'd you say? I don't think science has fully figured out what hiccups are or how to solve them. I'm sure they know what hiccups are. Yeah, they do. It's whenever your windpipe just gets agitated. Is that what it is? It goes like, beep, beep, beep, beep. Something in there goes, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep.

Yeah. But anyways, if there was a scientific consensus on how to cure a hiccup, I feel like doctors would be telling us. What are they hiding from us? We don't know. So I think peanut butter is about as good as anything. I think if you do anything to disrupt your current hiccup pattern, you're kind of doing it. And so I think eating peanut butter is just as good. More importantly, you know Haley Steinfeld's uncle is bodied by Jake?

Are you for real? I am dead for real. I loved Body by Jake. He's a very handsome man. You know, I grew up with my mom having buns of steel and like arms of steel and like lots of Body by Jake videos on VHS. Haley Steinfeld's uncle.

I love that. Hayley Steinfeld, come on the show. Absolutely. You're gorgeous. Oh, God. The Edge of Seventeen. What a movie. Never saw it. What? You have all the opportunity in the world to see it now. I want to watch True Grit. Also a great movie. Also her first acting role. I want to watch True Grit, Maggie. Incredible. Hayley Steinfeld. Okay, do it. Bumblebee. Oh, my God. The Emily Dickinson show. Did anybody watch this show, Dickinson? No.

Oh my god, great like weird modernist take on Emily Dickinson. You've got to watch it. Next opinion.

Hey, Josh and Nicole, long-time listener, first-time caller. Just wanted to let you in on a little secret I found recently. Next time you're dipping your Oreos, just add a little splash of coffee or cold brew into your milk there. It'll add an extra flavor that is phenomenal. Anyways, love the pod. Just wanted to let you all know. Have a great day.

Sorry, Butterbean.

It's not completely out of left field. Oh, milk and coffee sounds like a latte to me. We kept dipping the Oreo in it. We all know that you add espresso to a chocolate-baked recipe to make it taste more chocolatey. Oreos already exist. Add the espresso to the milk to make the thing taste more chocolatey. For spring groundbreaking. Wow, you're going to say that? Check out this picture on my computer.

What is with you? Bro, this is a screenshot from the show Dickinson with Hailee Steinfeld. Are you in love with Hailee Steinfeld? I'm in love with her body of work. The body set of work. But do you see who's next to her? Yeah. Everybody hates Chris. What? It's Wiz Khalifa. It's weird. Anyways, Wiz Khalifa plays Death. Yeah, that's right. Hailee Steinfeld plays Emily Dickinson, but she uses modern language and curses. And Wiz Khalifa plays Death.

It's a great show. It's wild, dude. I really thought he had a... I thought she cooked on that one, huh? Well... I did a little racism. I'm sorry. Oh... I thought the black guy looked like the other black guy. Sorry. You know... You've thought whites look similar, too, sometimes? Yeah. Well, on that note...

Thank you so much for listening to Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We got new audio-only episodes every Wednesday and a video version here on YouTube every Sunday. If you want to be featured on Opinions of Lake Castor Wells, give us a ring. Leave a quick message at 833-DOG-POD-1. Have you composed yourself yet? For more Mythical Kitchen, check out our other videos. We launch new episodes every week. See you next time. I'm the Colby Professional.