764. Turn Your Darkness Into Your Business: Dean Graziosi on Female Entrepreneurship
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Hello and welcome to Almost 30 Podcast. Hi, everybody. It's Lindsay. And Krista. How are you? So happy you're here. So happy you're here. We're here in LA together. Yeah. I'm wearing a tank top, I think, for the first time ever recording a podcast. And I feel so weird. I don't even know what to do. But you look amazing. It's fine. It's not even about... I know. It's very like... It's very revealing. Totally. I think the arm thing is interesting. And it's not even about the arms. It's just like...

I think honestly my whole life... My wings are exposed. Yeah, it is. Like I think when you've had body things your whole life, I would always be someone that would cover my arms up and now...

And then I would show other parts. And now I'm like showing off my arms in this now moment. And so there's that voice that's like, whoa, my arms are out. Totally. It's so weird. I know. It feels so exposing. My best friend from home, we would always be opposites. Like I would always show my legs. She would always show her arms. So we would always be like, like it was such a weird. You're like a whole person. Yeah, we were a whole person. I was like, we should mix and match our bodies. Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny like noticing, it's funny noticing what I'm like comfortable showing these days. I feel like my legs aren't the thing that I'm comfortable showing. Even though they're fine. But like, I just feel like after having a babe, I'm kind of like, I'm not walking as, I think walking is actually the fucking key. I'm not walking as much as I was pre-pregnancy and during pregnancy. I'm like running around, but like not walking, walking. So yeah, they're just a little different. So I'm

What am I showing off? I don't know. I know. I think you show off. Yeah, honestly. You show off your arms. Yeah. I feel like you're showing off the same amount. I don't feel like you ever show off your legs. Yeah, maybe I didn't. I don't know. In my memory. I also have a spray tan that I'm like not really sure what's going on on the legs. Dude. So Lindsay got inspired. I do spray tans once a week or every day since I've been single. I'm just, my glow up actually isn't a glow up at all. It's just spray tans.

And you've been getting spray tans ever since. And it's, it's a journey. You have to, I got one spray tan in order to come to LA. My ticket to LA was a spray tan. And you've been complaining about it literally ever since. If you don't have the, if you don't have the strength and courage to get a spray tan, then don't get out the kitchen. Literally, if you can't take the heat. Here's the thing. I, I, I, I appreciate the way it looks. I'm not like, ew. Yeah.

I don't love the process. I think it smells. It gets into your pores. And then you have like dark pores. It's weird. I don't know what's in the solution. You say it's natural. I don't think it is. It's all good. But also, I wore my underwear during it. I sent a picture to Krista. I was like, look at my tan line. Huge tan line. It was a crazy underwear tan line. I just, I don't know. I thought my husband would think it was hot or something. You know what's weird is men, I've had two men say to me they love tan lines. I can see that. Why?

It's slutty. It is. It's kind of, there's like a thing about it too, where I think now with everyone so overexposed with sexuality and bodies that it almost like brings you back to when you're younger and there's like a little bit of like risque-ness where you're like, oh, a little bit of skin. Yes, totally. Or a little bit of something. My husband was like, wait, why did you do this? He's like, it looks good, but like, why did you do this? Okay, man.

I was like, I'm going to LA. I'm going to be on camera. We need to be the same color. That's the deal. But that's the thing. Just be yourself, bro. Don't let your codependency spray your tan. But aren't you happy I got a tan? No, I don't care if you got a tan or not. I care fucking zero that you got a tan. Okay, that was my codependency. I just wanted Chris to be happy. With your tan level. I know you sent me a picture. You're like, I got a tan for you. I'm like, what? Anyway. I can be the Teddy Graham. You can be the... Why do they do the armpit?

I don't know. The one thing I will say about, so I go to Sugared and Bronzed. I go here in LA. I went in New York. It's supposed to be organic. Who knows? But it is, it does smell for at least two days. You reek of something weird. Yeah. I think that's normal with spray tans. Yeah, I agree. It's kind of gross. Gosh, I mean, you know what's so funny is I went to Sugared and Bronzed.

in like 2013 or 14 is when I started. And it was because Lindsay Lohan got sugared and bronze spray tans. Isn't that insane? I remember reading the article that was like, Lindsay Lohan spotted it sugared and bronze. I was like, I must go. And it was like an old conference room in New York City and Soho that I went to. Oh, that's crazy. They've blown up. Blown up. I mean, it's such a... Wow. I don't do the sugar part. Yo, sugaring hurts like...

a mother. Have you ever gotten triggered? I'm never doing that again. That's torture. And that's so wrong. It was unbelievable. I can't believe people do it. I know. I've said that. I was like, that's like torturous. So before we get into the episode with Dean, I wanted to talk about this. This is something that I shared on my broadcast channel recently. And I basically said, this will help your friendships so much. And that is accepting what your friends can give when they can give it. I have a lot of close friends in my orbit and in life, and it's not realistic to expect everyone to show up fully all the time.

So just loving who can show up for you when they do and appreciating it, not holding on to when someone else is in a season where they can't show up like you want them to. Maybe in the next season they can, maybe in their season you can't. Having this sense of flexibility and ease with people creates so much more ease and grace in your life. I want this for myself, so I also want this for you. Couldn't agree more. I know, especially as a mom. Yeah, I just think that we never know what people are moving through. I think we...

we can be so focused on what's happening for us and like what we need from people, which is normal. But I love the part about the people who can show up for you, you know, like noticing that rather than who's not showing up for you. Yes, totally. And there's also the piece of like, you know, where are you not showing up for yourself? Where are you not giving yourself the thing that you need and just waiting for other people to give it to you? Totally. Yeah. I was even noticing that today because

Yesterday in therapy, I was like, went in on something with my dad who's sick. And I haven't talked about that in so long. And I kind of forced myself to, I was like, oh, hey, we need to talk about this. She's like, cool. Finally. And at this, and I noticed myself wanting to pour out to other people. Like there's like people in my orbit that I was like, I really wanted to like be there. I was like, almost like.

over-functioning with trying to find other people to give to. And I was like, oh, I really need to give to myself. Like the person that I'm dating is like going through it. And I was like, oh, I wanted to...

talk to him and support him and encourage him and all these things. And I'm like, why are you? Like, it's easier to do that rather than give it to yourself. Yes, exactly. I was really trying to out, I was really, yeah, I was just trying to pass the ball to someone else and really love on someone else when I'm like, I could use that myself right now. And I don't think I'm doing it for them to do it for me, but I definitely think I'm doing it to maybe not focus on myself or not give it to myself. But it was very interesting to notice this morning. So I was like, what is this

extra desire to be there for them or help them process something or move through something or like love on them when I really could use that myself. It's also like, I feel like I've done that before where I want to feel valued and useful. And it's a good one. You know, appreciate, appreciate is wrong word, but like, just like I'm valuable to someone where I can like support someone that feels good. I don't think,

I think I, yeah, I think there is a part of that. Obviously, I'm not going to deny it, but it was truly just like what I wanted for myself I was giving to someone else. You know, and I was just, wow, I'm really...

I think as women, we do that. We kind of put outsource the care and love that we could give to ourselves to other people. Cause I don't think we know exactly how to turn inward with that attention, with that energy, with that affection. And I was like, okay, what could I do for myself in this now moment to love myself, to tend to myself, to check in. And it is even almost like turning the energy in backwards and being like, how are you?

How are you feeling? Like every single thing I would say to him, what would I say to myself? Every single thing I would ask him, what would I ask myself? And that takes contemplation, patience and time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Friendships, man. I know. Yeah. It's, I think that's been helpful for me because I think in my life I used to always, I used to have a little bit tighter grip on the people in my orbit and kind of keep them,

I wanted it to maintain more stagnant and homeostasis than I think friendships do. And then I think people moving in and out of your life is. And I think the more that I've been like, oh, I'm actually very grateful that at this point in time, I have this person moving in my life more deeply, or I have, you know, this person's kind of like rotated out for this now time, but like they'll come, you know, it's like just kind of holding more lightly to the way that people move in and out of your life and just trusting that whoever's there is meant to be there. Yeah. And I'm sure like,

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And you have those seasons too where you like move in and out of people's lives. For sure. It's not just you being like watching everyone move in and out. Oh, yeah, bro. I mean, I'm for sure in and out of people's lives. I don't even know what that experience is like for people. But, you know, I have the people that stay pretty close. But it is even just like, okay, we have a week or, you know, weeks or months where we're like very deep in and very deep out. And I just have known that the people that have been there at specific times have just held such specific medicine. Mm-hmm.

But I think also just giving people in your life the grace that you want, you know, because a lot of people are going through a lot. They're struggling. They're, you know, trying to create a life that they love and you just cannot be there for everyone in the way that you want. I think we have so many more friends too.

Yeah. Than we used to just because the internet, because of social media, it's like now you have like 20 people that you're staying in touch with 50 people. And it's like levels. It's like you have friends that, you know, personally, but you only kind of talk to through text or see them on Instagram and DM them and be like, I see you, you're doing a meeting. You know what I mean? But like, that still means something. It's not just like a surface friend, but then you have the ones that you can like call or you see in person and like,

There's just levels to it. I don't think one's better than the other, but there's just that different texture. It is funny. Each relationship has such a different feeling or frequency or relationship that you exist in your life. I was looking at my broadcast channel to read that and someone just DMed me. They're like, hey, how are you? It's this person that I know. I wouldn't say we're friends, but I think we know each other.

I'm always like, what do you want, bro? Like not to be mean, but I would rather love, I would love for you to like, what do you,

We're not people that are like, hey, how are you? Yeah. So I'm like. We're not friends, really. And I'm down to support you. Whatever you need, just be clear. I actually hate that. Yeah. Because I'm like, hey, how are you? Then I'll be like, hey, how are you? Good. Like all is well. And then you're going to ask me. And then it's awkward. Yeah, exactly. Just like, I'd rather have you just up the rip. I know. Up top. Be like, I need this from you. Or can you help me with the like. Say the ask. Yeah. Give me the ask. Like, yeah. Yeah. We got to be better. I mean, during the season with our book.

Oh, bro. You know, the reality is, is that we have an incredible network of friends and people who really want to support us. And I think it's hard for us to like ask for support very directly. So that'll be, I'm excited to do that because I think people are waiting to support us. I really do. But it's also like a weird thing because you're like, hey. I know. Yeah.

What can I do for you? But also. I know, honestly, I do think we put in our time for doing stuff for other people over the years. What do you mean? Our whole journey is that. But yeah, that's been, that is a whole process. If I had people reach out, they're like, how can I help? Let me know. I also think this is what I will also say is if you want to be doubly supportive instead of how can I help you say, hey, I want to help you in this way.

It's almost like kind of bypassing people. It just helps our brain. Yeah. Cause I do think there is, there's going to be an availability of what someone can do for you. There's going to be a capacity. There's going to be something that they want to do. So it almost says like the next level support is being like, Hey, I'm going to do this on book release day, or I'm going to do this with that, like to help you. Cause I've been thinking about that because a lot of people offer, but it's a different texture when you, when you kind of have a plan, it's almost like a date with a man.

You know, it's so much better than a man being like, hey, what do you want to eat? You're like, I don't know, man. I have so many things to think about. I'm not really sure. I know you're going to pay for it. But it's kind of hard for my brain to think about what the possibility is. What do you have capacity for? What's your budget? So it's like... Give me choice A or B. Okay.

Yeah, give me Mediterranean or whatever. Just make the decision. Tell me where to go. Pick me up. I just want to be that. So with the support, it is nicer. People are like, hey, do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? I'm happy to do that. It might be cool to ask them like, hey, what do you have capacity for? That's a good one actually. What feels like really good and natural for you? That's a good one.

That's a good one. Yeah. What? That's a great question. Or give them multiple choice. Yeah. A newsletter? A podcast episode? I'm like, here's my ACH transfer wire. Holy moly. I'm just like, I just asked for, I just sent him Cash App. I'm like, you know what, man? I don't even know. Just Cash App. Yeah.

Okay. So this conversation today, let's transition to the conversation. We have Dean Graziosi today, which was so fun. I'm so glad to have him in studio. I've been working with the Mastermind team recently, mastermind.com, which is where Tony Robbins and Dean have their knowledge learning platform that has so many different courses and programs and ways to support people. It has group coaching. This was an introduction by my friend, Ashley Stahl, who is an amazing keynote speaker. She has a really powerful Ted talk and she's worked with Dean and Tony before. And, um,

I think she has something on the mastermind site, but it was really great because we got to kind of explore more tactically some of the things that are keeping people from their purpose and keeping people from becoming the people that they came here to be. So I think a lot of times we'll talk kind of

further along down people's paths of like the spirituality aspects. But it's like, what are the thoughts and the beliefs and the ways of being that are really preventing people from making progress in their life? And Dean was so helpful for that. You know, we got very tactical with things.

Um, and we really celebrated their free, um, online summit. So they have a free online summit that's happening right before camp. It's on the 16th and 17th of May. And you can join with like millions of other people with Tony and Dean. So if you want like a full fricking next level weekend, you could do that. And then you could join us at camp on the 18th of May, which is going to be so incredible. It's our online virtual event that we have. Um,

And I really felt inspired by this. I felt just like excited and inspired. And I really love talking about things that kind of bring us back to the basics of like how to really build the life that we love. Did you, did you uncover anything that surprised you about like what was, what might be holding you back in any way?

Well, it was interesting because we were talking about, I said, what would be one thing that someone could do to start something now? And he's like, find opportunity in the market. Where is there opportunity in the market? Like, what are people doing? What are they buying? What are they spending money on? So it's like finding that product market fit. And then the second thing that he said was, yeah.

what is like something that you're good at making sure that it's also something that you're good at you have skills in and then I think the third was like your desire for it and I was like actually offered to him and you'll hear it in the interview I was like it probably should be the last thing first like instead of going researching in the product in the market you should probably start with like what do you desire first because if you go outside in you're going to overwhelm yourself and I think in this space of trying to find purpose and build a career be entrepreneurs or

build businesses. If you go outside first to research, to like all of that, at least in what I've seen with women, it can be too overwhelming. There's too much comparison. That's imposter syndrome. That's when you really have to do the mindset work because there's so much availability for you to make excuses. You know, if we were podcasting, there was, it was a different world when we started podcasting.

But if we would have gone outside to research or look at other podcasts, you just kind of get in your head with stuff. You get confused. And you try to become something that you're not. Yes. Because you think that's what is the ticket to success. Yes. But it's actually really zoning in on what you are good at, what lights you up, and then you go from there. Yeah, exactly. So it's like just continuing to come back to like, what is it that you want to do? I think I was also inspired just thinking about how women are just really –

doing so much growth, you know, development work. And most of the women that go through mastermind are women. Most of the people that attend the summit are women and, you know, our community are women and they're just so hungry for knowledge. So hungry to be better. So hungry to build lives that they love. So I was just inspired again by women and their tenacity and their availability for discomfort and their availability to like put themselves out there. Um,

Yeah, it's not easy. And I think so many women in our community are doing and it's so beautiful. So let me break it down for you what Thrive in 2025 is. It's a virtual live event. There's Tony Robbins. Dean's going to be there. They have a bunch of really special guests.

And again, it's Thursday the 15th. It ends Saturday the 17th. So you can do Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then join us at camp, which is happening on the 18th. This is starting at 10 to 1 Pacific each day, and it's absolutely free. So there'll probably be a million people there that'll also be joining. And you can expect an exact roadmap to transform your expertise, passions, and life experiences into a thriving business and lifestyle that can align with your goals.

So you can discover the path to more. You can build essential skills and find confidence. You can recognize your true worth. You can experience a true breakthrough and create a purpose driven impact.

You can register for this at thrivealmost30.com. So it's thrivealmost30.com. It's T-H-R-I-V-E almost30.com. So that's thrivealmost30.com to register for free for this amazing event that can inspire you in 2025. Thank you so much, Dean, for joining us on the show. You can find Dean on Instagram or social media at deangraziosi.com. It's deangraziosi.com. That's

G-R-A-Z-I-O-S-I. That's DeanGraziosi.com. Thank you, Dean, for joining. And I'm excited for you guys to join that. I'll see you at camp, which is May 18th. It's going to be so beautiful. We have Jillian Turecki there. We have Sa DeSimone. We have Shalina Ayana from Rising Woman. We have Jillian from Spirit Daughter. We have Jenna Zoe. We have- Fahel Bloom. It's a serious lineup. Yeah, it's serious. I feel like this is-

And you can sign up for camp by pre-ordering our book, Almost 30, A Definitive Guide to a Life You Love for the Next Decade and Beyond. You can go to almost30.com slash book. Super easy. Purchase there. Verify your purchase and you're in. Plus you get other really great bonuses. We love you guys. We'll see you on the other side. Enjoy this one. Bye.

I was talking on my Instagram story the other day about how important sleep is for how my skin looks. I can do all the things with my skin, but if I'm not sleeping well, my skin doesn't look great. It just...

Yeah, just has a vibe. But sleep isn't just about rest. Let's be real. It's when your body repairs, restores, and resets not only my skin, but everything, my organs, my body systems, everything. And I want to talk about Beam's Dream Powder. Yo.

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Okay, so I made this beverage every morning when I was in LA last week that I have to tell you about. Okay, so you guys know we love Anima Mundi Herbals. Well, they have their happiness formula, which is like a very popular product that they have now available as a super powder. Okay, I've been putting it in my coffee.

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Dean, welcome to Almost 30. I'm so glad you're here. I've heard so many good things about you. I've just kind of witnessed you from afar for so many years, and it feels really special to have you because you are such a man of service and of heart and dedication. And I just know you're going to bestow so much wisdom upon our ladies today. So I'm really grateful you're here. It's a pleasure to be here. And I had the chance to spend a little time

Getting to see what you've done. It's awesome what you're doing to impact others, especially in a time where we need to find not just hope, but hope and skills and capabilities and someone to cheer us on and just get through that, you know, that, that, that.

Those beliefs sometimes that hold us back from being who we're meant to be. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a great place to start because I think for my community of women, they're just so incredible. And I know you have access to so millions of women all over the world that you're seeing change and transform over the years. Yeah.

But they're women of heart and authenticity and truth. And they want to make change. They want to feel like they're on purpose. They want to feel like they're here for a reason. You just said something that I want you to. Yes. No, please interrupt. Heart. You said heart, something in truth. What was the middle one?

Authenticity. Authenticity. Can I, I mean this and I'm not, I'm not saying this because I'm on your show. I think this is the decade of the woman entrepreneur. And when I say that, I mean, I really mean, when you say the woman entrepreneur, I really mean the decade of women saying, I can do my thing. I can live and do who I'm meant to be. I don't have to follow the rules anymore. I see it. I've been in this industry of helping support people.

for almost 30 years, 29 years this year. And I get to watch trends. I get to watch who's taking the uncomfortable action, who's not just saying I want more, but actually doing the work. And I'm watching women step up more than ever. And it's inspiring and it's needed. And yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for that transition that's happening. It's been stunning to see myself in Witness and

I'm surrounded by the most intelligent, incredible women that have just created lives that they love from their own creativity, from their own minds. What are the other, just for high level, what are some other trends that you've seen since you've been in the space for so long? Are you noticing, you're noticing more women

it is a time of change in society and culture. So there must be kind of just trends that you're noticing that are different than what you've seen in the past. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. From being a witness for so long of this, when things are insecure on the outside...

It's hard for things not to be insecure on the inside, right? When, when, if you have a little insecurity about speaking or going public that you want to do your own thing or saying, I know I have the job everybody else dreams about, but I know I'm meant for more. When you have that,

It's whether you call it imposter syndrome or any of the insecurities that hold you back. If they're on a scale of one to 10, a five when the world is going good, add in the diversity of politics right now, add in inflation and tariffs and what's going on in the world. And depending on what show you watch on TV, like do we like the last president, the current president? Is it going to be the next? There's so much insecurity that I believe that five of your own becomes a nine, becomes a 10. And I think if you can realize that,

Instead of being, and I know this is a cliche, but if we let the outside world control us, we're the thermometer, we're the thermostat, I should say, right? It's good, it's bad, the news up, down. And we rollercoaster so much, then we just settle with where we are, even if we're not happy with it.

And I think the greatest gift you could give yourself, and I truly think women are doing this more than men right now. And I'd say this if I was on a group where it was 80% men, is women are taking ownership more and saying, I'm not going to settle. I'm not going to blow in the wind with how the news cycles are or what people tell me. And to give a little background, if you Googled it right now, did you know that the majority of Fortune 500 companies were started in a down economy?

And I think it's because what happens when things are insecure on the outside, a lot of people sit on their hands and they go, let's see where this goes. And those brave enough to gain skills, to model proven practices, who's already done what I want to do, and then take bold, uncomfortable action. I think that they're the ones that get to rise above because everybody else is just waiting. And in my opinion, I think COVID helped compound this. Because when COVID hit and we were all home, I think...

There was men, women all across the world going, I'm home and I'm still making my life work. And I'm not missing my kids' first steps. I'm not missing ballet. I'm not missing date night. And I still could get by. Like, I think it started this trend of like, no, no, I'm not settling anymore. Life's going by too quick and I want to do something. So I don't know if that answered your question. But that shift hasn't left because I see more women saying,

Life is good, but I want better than good. Life is okay. I want better than okay. Yeah. Yeah. What is, so for someone, I think when you said made for more, that's something that I felt in my career. I was in the corporate world for a long time. So unhappy, tried a bunch of different things, eventually found this world that I'm in now kind of on accident.

but I knew the whole time I was made for more. I was like, it was almost a feeling that was very uncomfortable. It was like, it was painful yet inspiring at the same time. Yeah. What would you say to someone that's like, I know that I'm made for more, but I don't know what it is. What would be the first step they could take?

So there's a couple of steps. I've been asked this before, and I really try to give an answer that can land, right? Because you might be listening while you're working out, taking a run in the car. So if I give you a big, long answer, it'd be like, I got to write this down. But if I boil it down to three things, number one is find something, an industry that has the opportunity to grow, not die.

Right. So I know that you think it's obvious, but let's take the most obvious analogy of them all. Like no matter how good I was, if I was trying to teach people how to start a taxi cab business in today's world, I'd be like, that's foolish. No matter how good you are, Uber is going to do better. But I don't know if I would teach somebody how to be in the Uber business right now because they believe within two years, all Ubers will be autonomous. There'll be no drivers. Right.

So you wouldn't want to get in the taxi business. You wouldn't want to get in the Uber driving business, right? So that's a simple analogy. But you have to find an industry that has the chance to evolve with AI and all the things that are coming up, which there's so many of them. So once you find that, the second thing is, and I said it a minute ago, and this is the one that we're never taught in school.

is, I mean, in school, you're not allowed to model and cheat off of each other, right? But the fact in life, if you want to do something, find somebody who's already done it and model proven practices. Somebody has already done what you want to achieve. They've already made the mistakes. They've already failed. They almost quit 200 times, but they got in the mirror and they kept moving forward. Somebody's found it. Whether you can mentor under them, where you can read their book,

I mean, you want mentors? They're about 19 bucks each on Amazon, right? You can follow an amazing podcast like this. Find somebody who's already done what you want to do and model it. So you can just collapse time. You condense maybe decades into years or years into months. And the third thing you got to do is you got to find...

a reason so strong to do it. Not that you just want money, not that you just want freedom. Both of those are good, but you have to find something when you think about it, it makes you emotional, right? When I decided to do my own thing, I didn't realize it till later on in life,

My purpose, my reason why is my parents were married nine times each when I was a kid. Wow. My mom five, my dad four, moved a lot. Different parents, step-parents, step-brothers, step-sisters. Lots of change. And no complaints. I love, I wouldn't change a bit of it because it made me the man I am today. But I have to tell you, my childhood was so out of control and I didn't have any choice.

that I found a why in my heart that says, I need to be in control of my decisions. No one's going to tell me when to move, how to dress, how to raise my kids. I can't go to ballet in the afternoon because the boss says, no, we got a project to do. That why is so strong. I feel like I would die for it. Before someone said, you can't take your kids to school, can't go on date night. I feel like I'd fight with my life for that. So you need that purpose. And the only reason you need that purpose is because, and this is the one you should write down, you have to persist until you succeed. Mm-hmm.

You have to keep moving forward when self-doubt creeps in, when your sister tells you, hey, you should be happy with what you got. When your mom sits you down, when your friends tell you you're crazy, you need something so strong that you go, I get what you're saying.

But you don't have my glasses on. I see my future. It's clear. I'm going to get there. I'm meant for more. So though there's a million things. Love that. It's got to be something that's growing. Yeah. You got to model proven practices. You don't have enough time to learn it on your own anymore. And going back to traditional college and getting more general knowledge in most cases doesn't help. It takes too long. Yeah. And the third thing, just know why you're doing it so you keep moving forward even when the signs change.

don't look like they're going in your direction because around that next corner could be you 2.0. Yeah. It's interesting when you were talking and just giving myself permission to say this to someone like you who's so seasoned. What do you think about having the third be the first thing that they do? And then the first thing you said be the last because sometimes I get- So, so perfect. That was...

Sorry, I mean, catch up, but it's so perfect. Yeah, that's it. Because if you don't have the purpose first, you might not even want to spend the time to search on an industry. And I just get a little bit nervous about people going, because if we're talking about not going external first, it's like, how can we find the internal first and then go external where it's like, this is my why. Okay, cool. Who's doing it sort of similarly? What's the blueprint I can learn? Because I have the why. But if they go like...

outside world. And then people in my world, it's like, then we're kind of off to the races then. And then what stops a lot of people is the mindset. You don't have the mindset. Then you go down the rabbit hole and feel insecure. You go back to what you were doing. Yeah. And then great, great flip on the three. Yeah. Cause, cause I think my goal is always to have people find the why and find then the skills based around it. You know, you as the example is great with your family changing and moving so much, but

caused you to want to have control. And that's a part of you that was sculpted through your experiences uniquely. And I think a lot of people have their own experiences in life, sculpt them to be who they are. And that's actually part of their gift. Like your tenacity was part of your gift.

So how do you think people can find and understand and be able to see their gifts so that they can share them with the world or even monetize them? How were you able to see that with your control and your family so that you were able to be like, whoa, I need to be an entrepreneur? Yeah, I think, great question. I think there's a couple of things. There's two parts of this. One is...

For me, whatever it takes to get momentum, I would do. And some of you might not agree with this, but sometimes you got to go to the dark side. Good one. That's actually a really good one.

Tony Robbins, my partner and friend, said something one time. He says a lot of great things, but one is to get a rocket in the air. The majority of the energy is to get a 10-foot. The first 10 foot is where you see all the smoke come out to get that big, heavy rocket to lift off. Once it's in space, you hit the button, you're going 1,000 miles an hour, right? So I want you to look through that analogy of whatever it takes to get the rocket off the ground if you've got to visit the dark side. And I say the dark side. What I really mean is

I love my dad dearly. He's still alive. He's 88 years old. He did some crazy stuff when I was a kid and pushed all of his wives away, pushed his brothers and sisters away. Unfortunately, my sister hasn't talked to my dad in 20 years, right? She's five years older than me.

I forgave him. I love him dearly for all the stuff he did. But I have to tell you, the times when I didn't feel like doing it, when I was let down, when the partner let me down, can I really do this? I didn't go to college. I didn't come from money. That's what other people do. The old story tried to come in my head. You know what got me? And I don't share this a lot, is I don't want to be like my dad. I don't want to be the dad he was. I don't want to be the husband he was. I don't want to be the brother he was. And I love him dearly now. There's no animosity. There's nothing...

But I'm saying it right now. I have goosebumps because if it's like, man, this is a tough battle. Yeah. You want to be like your dad? Head down. Screw that. I'm in. Give me the freaking ball. I'll run it. And I got goosebumps on my face.

Because I could still put myself in that state. Yeah, I can feel it. Because you need it. You need it. Life isn't easy. The news isn't easy. Government's not easy. Your friends, like everything seems against you. But when you have that fight, you realize that most people aren't fighting for it. Most people aren't hungry. And it's actually easier than you think once you put your foot in the water, once you start. So that's the first one. Secondly is what if we could all change our past?

What if we could change our perspective of the past? I know you had something you want to share. You want me to keep going? No, I just am. I'm very naughty. Yeah, no, no, I love it. But what, so I'm going to tell a little story. Yeah.

And I know this is very personal, but I want it for everybody else. My dad was the youngest of 12 and he was physically abused his whole life. So Italian guy never went and got therapy, just wanted to fight his way through. He realizes it now. Poor guy cries every time I see him and tells me he's sorry. He was so tough and was taken such advantage of as a child.

that when he was older, anytime he thought somebody was taking advantage of him, a wife, a brother, a sister, my own sister, his daughter, he's like, screw you, you're not going to get him. And he would be confrontational, argumental, violent in some cases. So he pushed every way because he was so taken advantage of as a kid that trying to protect himself pushed everybody away. Right? So long story short, at 12 years old, I move in with him.

And he's got this amazing side, taught me how to hunt and fish and drive a standard shift car at 12 years old. Let me drive to school at 14, right? Cool side of dad. And then this other side was this crazy guy that made me bite my fingernails. And I had a bleeding ulcer at one point in my early teens because I was so afraid of some of the stuff he did. Of course.

But there was a moment, I didn't realize this until I'm older. So this is what you said about your past. So I hope this lands. If this lands just for just one of you listening today to let you know you could change your past. I used to think, hey, I'm making it in spite of all I went through as a kid. And one day it made me realize when I moved into my dad, he was crazy half the time, awesome the other half. And over time, I could read his emotions.

And he'd come through the door in that version of him that was scary. And I found a way to read it and spin him. And I would get him to go, I could get him back in that place. Do you know what that does for me now?

I can be on stage with 50,000 people and I feel like I feel all of them. I feel like I know what they need, right? I did a fun event with Matthew McConaughey. We had 2 million people show up on day one, right? I'm sitting there, the camera goes on, there's 2 million people watch day one. And my emotions, I'm like, I feel what these people need right now. You know where that's from? My dad gave me that gift. I had to read this man so I didn't have a violent dad. It saved my childhood, but it turned me into the man I am. So I could say, so he says, why are you so successful?

I could say it's because I went against my dad. I can't believe it. Or I'm like, because my dad gave me a gift of how to read people and I could change my history. So now I'm grateful for that journey. And it just lightens the load, if that helps. It lightens the load. That's world helpful. And I just, I love the dark side mention and nod.

Because I do feel like all people have their struggles. And if we see our struggles as the thing that keeps us from our success, it's just turning and flipping them. And I know even for myself, you know, the attunement that you are able to have because of your dad. I had a similar story where I had so much mental health and issues in my family. It was such a chaotic home that I became someone that is incredibly empathic, intuitive, and almost psychic where I can read people, you know, to stay safe. I had to learn to read people. Of course.

So you understand it completely. 100%. And I think so many women that are listening have been in that situation or scenario, and it's part of their gift. Whether they're healers, teachers, coaches, whatever, that sort of situation can really make you in service and really make you serve. And I think when people are finding their purpose or dharma or whatever it is, going to the dark side is great. Because this is an aspect of me...

that I can't change at this point, but I do want to alchemize to something that's good. And I think what is important is your consciousness of it and my consciousness of it. And I think when I became conscious of the gift, I could use it in a way that's helpful, but I wasn't using it unconsciously because I used to just be in the room like, okay, cool. I got to be safe. So I was like, I got to do whatever everyone wants me to do.

And now I'm like, okay, I know that I have this gift. How can I stay in my center but still serve? Yeah. It turned into a superpower. Superpower. Yeah. I might be able to. No.

No, 100%. But it's just superpower because now you could take what didn't come about in the nicest or elegant way. Yes. But you have the option to turn that into something good. I mean, you're a bright light. Look what you're doing here with this podcast and delivering value to people all over the country. They're looking for hope, looking for insight, looking for one thing. Yeah. In your healing, just to like even kind of talk about yours a little bit because you

Was there moments in healing that were really hard and icky and gross and then you were able to alchemize it to your superpower? Or was it always like, no, this is like something that I'm working with because I'm curious about that. I'd love to say that. I'd say my 20s was purely just running away from wanting to be that version. Like it was hard. It was fast.

It was, I can't be that. I can't be my dad. I can't be broke. I want to be in control of my choices. And it took time. I mean, I've been on this earth, you know, I'm in my 50s. So... 30 years. Yeah. That's 30 years. You know, it takes time to see through a different lens. But that's what's cool about listening to a podcast like this. If someone, if I would have heard this and somebody mentioned this at 25, I would have started the healing sooner and go, wow, you mean...

I could turn this into a gift. Are you kidding? Because when you first hear it, there's somebody, there's probably multiple people hearing and something they went through. Like, don't tell me that can be a gift. Yeah. And really it can be. And it's only about deciding if it's a gift. Like we get to make that choice. I remember Wayne Dyer. You ever listen to old Wayne Dyer stuff? Yeah.

So good. He's got such a soothing soul. So such. His little hats. He wears his little newsboy caps. You're just like, you're my dad. I love you. Oh, you listen to him. It's like a warm blanket. I know. Sometimes I listen before bed. I'm like, tell me, Wayne. Affirm me. Yeah. So Wayne Dyer said something. I don't know if it was like a live interview that he was recording, but I heard something where he first got diagnosed with leukemia and he said he was waking up thinking, I

How did this happen to me? Did I drink too much? Did I eat the wrong food? Did I not exercise? Did I sleep good? He's trying to find all the reasons why. And he's waking up as the guy with leukemia. And then one day he said, I woke up and said, you know, I got this. I could shift the way I think about it. You know, he said, one day I said, I'm going to be Wayne Dyer, the guy who beat leukemia.

And he said, literally like that, I decided, and he had been doing these kinds of things for a long time. So it was an easier switch. He said, I just woke up the next day and looked in the mirror and go, Hey, Wayne, you're the guy that beat leukemia. He goes, the day I switched the thought of it was the day I got better. Not the day, whatever the prognosis was. He said, I still had leukemia. I just looked at it through a different lens. Now he ended up passing away, not of leukemia. He ended up having a heart attack years later.

But I just love when he said that. He goes, I still have the leukemia, but the day I said, it's not going to take me, I'm going to take it. And it's the same thing. It's like, I could say my dad, because of my dad, now I could say I blame my dad for the man I am. And I like who I am. I like the dad I am. I like the husband I am. I like that I get to do for a living. I love that I get to partner with Tony Robbins and other cool people. If anything was different,

I might not be here with you right now. So we get to choose. So I'm going to choose that God or the universe, whatever your beliefs are, gave me that path so I can be the man I am. So therefore, my past is pretty cool. And I oftentimes think it's like the greater the pain, the greater the opportunity to like really alchemize it. Because sometimes, I mean, you've met the most amazing people in the world and they have crazy stories. You're like, that is crazy.

you know, you're like, you like it's the, they're just able to do so much more because they've seen so much dark. They've seen so much of what their capacity to hold is. And also it's like the capacity to hold pain is the capacity to hold joy and greatness. So true. Um, I want, I was really curious about this. Cause I always think about this. How do you see purpose? Like you talk about purpose. And I think a lot of women in our community or people want to find purpose. Like, how do you approach it? Do you feel like we have one purpose? Do you feel like

we are here, like, how do you see purpose? You know, really great question. You know, a purpose could be your like underlying why you want to do it. But I, you know, don't people say, if you're going to do something, make sure you have purpose first. Right.

But I also like that there's a line in Ogmendino's book, The World's Greatest Salesman. It's a great book. It's a two-hour read. Cool. It's something everybody should read once. Okay, cool. It's got nothing really to do with sales. Okay, cool. It's about life. It's a trick way to give you 10 core principles for living a good life. Okay, cool. And you can read the whole thing in two hours. I bribed my kids five years ago with 25 bucks to read it. Did they read it? Yeah, they read it. What did they say they liked? They loved it. Really? They loved it, right? So they've read it a few times. But there's a point that I bring up to my kids all the time, especially my teenagers, is

And I hope this helps go down the purpose route that you asked, is we can let our emotions dictate our actions, or we can let our actions dictate our emotions. He probably wrote this in the 50s. Kind of like, that's old school psychology. Like, if you look at old school stuff, it's like, you're feeling off, go to work, go out in the field, go plant, go farm, go create, right? So I think sometimes, and I hope this doesn't come across wrong, I think sometimes we're waiting for purpose to hit us over the head. Yeah. Yeah.

And I don't think purpose is found until you're in motion. 100%. So I want you to find your why that we talked about earlier. I want you to find something like me. I need to be in control of my time, control of my calendar, do the things I want to do with my kids. I wear a black t-shirt pretty much every day of my life. Steve Jobs in it. Yeah, it's easier. You've got stuff for you. I've got a hundred of these. I don't even decide what color to wear. This is like, it's funny because it's like when you're so rich and successful, you're like basics. Yeah.

When you're on the way up, you're like, look at this crazy top. So I think you need that why. You need all that purpose and stuff. But sometimes you're not going to –

You're not going to know what you really like until you're in it, until you're in action, you're doing it. So let's just use purpose and example of I want to find a career that gives me purpose or passion, right? First, like you said, I love the reverse thing. Know why you want to do it in the first place, right? Then start seeking out other people doing stuff that you like. Is it a podcast? Is it a coaching program? Do you want to mentor people? Do you want to start a pizza place? I don't know, but find somebody who's already done it and find a way to immerse yourself, to be around it and see if it lights a spark.

Because I don't think purpose is like, I want the perfect career and then I'll see. I think you got to be in it. You got to fail a little. You got to have wins. You got to have courage enough to jump out of the plane and grow wings on the way down. You got to get kicked in the teeth, get back up and go again. And all of a sudden you're like, I'm digging this. Did you ever read the book, Shoe Dog? No.

No. That's a great one. Sorry, I'm just throwing it out there. No, it's about Phil. Nike. Nike. Founder of Nike. Nike. Right? Okay. Here's something pretty cool. He founded Nike in his garage. Yeah. Right? Another one of those Bill Gates or Steve Jobs stories, right? Amazing stories. So it gets to the end of his life and they said, I'll make this quick. They said, bucket list. You're a billionaire. You own Nike. Anything left on your bucket list? And he said two things. One with his son, which is a whole other story. But the second one he said is,

yeah, one I can't get. And he said, what is it? He said, you know, when I was building Nike and then we finally got some people and I had this, he called them buttheads. It was just like inner circle, right? That he worked with. And he said, when they, our merchant account went down or they stopped shipping our shoes from Japan where we originally got them or the bank stopped giving us money. We couldn't pay people. And we thought we were going bankrupt. And I'm sitting around the table with these group of humans that he calls the buttheads. And he said, I'm sitting around the table and we're trying to solve problems. He goes, I would go home at night and

think, God, I can't wait till this is over. So we're more successful. And he said, when I got here, my bucket list is, I wish I could go back in that room and solve those problems because that's when I was most alive. Wow. And it really hit me. We're living the good old days right now. If you're listening to this and you want to do your own thing,

Like, it seems uncomfortable. It might not be a traditional route. It might be different than anybody in your family. Your inner voice might be telling you to play it safe. I'd say push against that. You only find who you are under pressure. Nothing happens unless you put yourself under pressure. And in that journey of finding, discovery, learning, growing, taking your first action, doing your first live, build a course, do your first coaching session, it's all uncomfortable. And I think someday we'll look back and go, thank you.

Thank God I did that. That's when I was most alive. Yep. I love that. I love, I think that's such a great point around, I think people feel like when they find their purpose, they're only going to feel good. And I'm curious if this, if this is what you're saying, but this is what I perceive. And this has been my experience is even when I found my purpose, which

I found my purpose and then I wanted a different purpose. It's like, it's like, I look back, I'm like, oh, I found my purpose. Now I want a new one. But it's like, I've was the most uncomfortable when I found my purpose, but the why was so strong that everything else was just like, I didn't even really care. I was working full-time job in the corporate world. We were building this. I was burning myself out. Like I wouldn't say it was healthy, but I had found something that I was so called to do that felt so authentic. Wouldn't you live the hard way for a year?

Or two. Yes. So you can live the easier way for the rest of your life. 100%. And I think sometimes we just got to realize it is hard to do something different, to go against the norm. But also, isn't it hard? Wouldn't it be hard to get to the end of your life and look back and realize you played small?

I mean, what would be hard? What's harder? Facing the demons, facing new level, new devil, whatever sayings you want to do, imposter syndrome fear. We were all afraid. Yeah. And it never ends. Every level, there's a new fear that comes along. You got to learn how to handle the next fear. But I think what's even scarier is, I said once, and I know these are all traditional cliches, but- I mean, cliches, as I get older, I'm like, cliches are so right. Because they stick. I'm like-

And God play me a video of the man I could have been. I know. I want to be, I want to say you crazy bastard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You tried that. You honestly exceeded our expectations. High five. We're all good here. Head on over there. You're good. You know, like I would hate to watch a video and go, oh, wow, if I just didn't care about what my sister said or what my parents said or I got the degree, I felt like I had to use it. Like, I don't know what it is for you, but we all have them. But

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site-wide plus free shipping symbiotica.com slash almost 30. That's C Y M B I O T I K a.com slash almost 30 for 20% off plus free shipping. You can use the code almost 30 at checkout. I think there's this viral thing on Tik TOK now that's kind of reminded me of this, where it's talking about, um,

If your life was a movie and there was people in the audience, what would the audience be yelling at the TV? Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. What would they be saying? Yeah. What would they be getting up and leaving because it's boring? Exactly. Literally. They're like, job again. Like just driving into work. Yeah. They're like, what is the thing that you know you should be doing that you're not doing? Like quitting the job, starting the thing. Yeah. What do you need to say? You know, here's a good challenge. What do you need to say no to and say it today? Well, that's it. Well, that's, I'm so grateful you brought that in because

And let's talk about that. What is the no and what is the yes? Yeah. So what are they saying no to and what are they saying yes to to get to where they want to go? If you think about life, we don't have extra time. Like there's nobody listening going, I have four hours a day. I just don't know what to do with myself. Yeah.

And I love that. They're all like, I don't. And then they're like on TikTok and Instagram for four hours a day. Yeah, true story. You're looking at your phone seven hours. I've seen 13 before on my computer and I was like, am I a human or a robot? But to say yes to things,

means we must say no. It's like your bookshelf. It's totally full of books and you want to read a new one. What do you got to do? If you want to put on your bookshelf, you got to pull one off that's not serving you anymore, donate it and have space, right? So we have to, I mean, and think about the mess. I don't know if you've ever been in a situation like this. I have, but let's say you're in a relationship and you've been thinking every day for a year. Should I end this? I was. Right? Should I end this? So was I, right? Yeah.

And mine was years. And when, when you do that, you're robbing the other person, you're robbing yourself, you're robbing the creativity you want to put in the world. You're robbing maybe the person you're both supposed to be with. Right. And, and, or, or you got to do the work and see if you can bring the intimacy back, do the work, raise your hand to see what part you're contributing to it. But living in that, should I stay or should I go planning your escape and

Can cost you years, if not decades. And some days you just have to make a decision. Yeah. And I'm using a personal relationship, but the decision could be the job that you drive to work every day and go, this is slowly killing me. Yep.

It doesn't mean you have to quit today, but today should be the day you investigate something. Today you should write down the purpose and the passion that you really want to find. Today you should write down your why. Today you should go, who can I model? You know what I mean? Tony and I, what I love more than anything is we get to take what we've done for a living where we get to be in this, we call it the knowledge economy or self-education economy.

We built a company called Mastermind because we love giving people one extra path. If you ever want to go down that road, that's what we have. And I'm just saying there's things like that, but there's so much online that you can investigate. And if you just keep saying, I'm waiting for the perfect moment, there was never a perfect moment to end the relationship I was in. It sucked. Mm-hmm.

But I have to tell you, since that ended, I'm married, truly love my life. I'm eight years in. I never thought it could be so amazing. I had two more children. My ex is doing incredible. She's so glad. Like we both got to go find who we were meant to be. And we both have, we talk now and joke, we have five years where both of us were waking up going, should this,

Should this be the day? And in business, I make definitive decisions. I have my whole life. It's not working. Cut it. Find the real goal. What are the constraints? Get them out of my way. What's the deadline? And then I'm doing that all day at work, growing this business, starting new things, partnering with Tony Robbins. And then I go home and go, should I? Right?

Right? So I think wouldn't today be a great day to decide what you need to say no to? And then therefore, once you say no, then it leaves the space to say yes. And maybe if nothing else of this podcast today is you find the courage to just say what's on your mind. Something about relationships that you were speaking about, I was really relating to because I remember having a moment where I was in my marriage and

I was the same. I would be speaking and communicating all day. I'd be on podcasts talking about relationships and speaking your truth and being authentic. And then I would go home and be like a mute. I would be like, hello, how are you? And I would like not speak my truth. And there was a moment where I'm so grateful for what I do because

I realized how out of integrity I was where I was like, if, and it's not like I'm anybody, but I was like, if people could see Crystal Williams at home, they wouldn't think this would be me at all. And it was so nice. It was almost like if anyone has a future version of themselves, they can compare to or connect with, you can say, would that future version be doing that with the person you want to be, be doing that. And I had that moment too, where it was like, I, this is out of integrity for me. I need to move on from my relationship and say no to that opened up

Yeah.

What kind of encouragement can we give them or what sort of, what are the ways in which we can help them change their mindset to believe that change is a good thing and that change is going to lead them more closely to the life that they love when they're so scared? So I think there's, we, one of the most, uh,

Common things that we will have for the rest of our life is change. Change happens. Change in leadership, change in relationships. There's death. Change is a constant. And we can be scared of it or we can embrace it. And one of the, I believe, one of the best ways to look at change, to try to get a new perspective, is think back in your past. It's looking in the rear view mirror. There's been times where you resisted change in other areas.

And you held on and you held on. And when you finally, there was no other choice. You had to make a decision. Usually on the other side of that, nine out of 10 times, you go, why did I wait so long? And you realize you became a better version of yourself on the other side of that. Right. And not to, not to share once again, what, what we talked about, but what if you stayed another 10 years in that relationship? It,

looking back, it's so damaging. It's so regretful. Like we wouldn't get to the end of our lives and we have a pile of regrets. I don't want to have any, right? And I think, and this is not being an advocate of divorce or ending a relationship, right?

If there's a spark, if there's something left, if you feel like you're not doing the work, do the work. If it's in a business partnership, do the work. Treat the beginning, treat the end of the relationship like the beginning for the next 90 days and see how that feels. See how it goes in your business life or in your personal life. So I'm not just saying jump out of a relationship. Yeah.

But indecisiveness, indecision is the part that drives us all crazy. Should I stay? Should I go? Should I start it? Should I quit? Should I quit the job? Should I start? Ah, I'll just sit here. You know, you're not sitting there because the inside of your belly is off. You know it and you're wondering why you're a little less happy.

You're wondering why you're surfing a little bit more. You're wondering why you're having the third glass of wine when you usually only have one a week, right? You're wondering why those things are happening is because you're burying this thing that you know you have to face. You know you have to change. And one thing I would say is what allows you to make change, and hear me on this one,

is courage, not confidence. Confidence doesn't come until you're courageous enough to take the first step. Like if you think of like a sporting event, right? You could be confident on the field, but you don't gain confidence until you fail and win and you're actually in the game. So courage to me is the most important, it's the most important aspect to move forward. And courage isn't moving forward in the absence of fear. Courage is moving forward even though you're scared to death.

And I think when you want to make a courageous move, like anything in life, you got to find leverage to make the move. So what do I mean by that? You want to make a change. You want to quit the job and start the company. Or you want to start the company and once it starts doing good, then you quit the job. Like whatever, right? End a bad or toxic partnership or relationship, right? Your brain goes into all the things that could go wrong. You got to just recognize that's where your brain will go. Mm-hmm.

But I think when you go on the courage side, how do you get momentum is you need proof of concept. So on one side, you said, hey, the last time I didn't make change, I regretted it. The last time I took uncomfortable action and made the change, wow, it was positive. Find other people who made massive change in their life. Also, to have the courage to move forward, what are the things robbing your courage? I'm just going to go through a couple of things right now.

Have you watched the news in the last five years and felt courageous or do you feel deflated? The world's going to hell in a handbasket, like separation, divide, all this kind of stuff, right?

There's that friend that you have that you love dearly or relative that every time you talk to them, they make you question your dreams, your goals. You turn down your light. You turn down your glow to match them. You don't even talk about your dreams then because you don't want them to talk negative to you, right? I don't know what robs your courage, but you do if you pay attention. And when your courage is down...

or the confidence to take that step, right? The courage to take that step. When it's down, you're not going to do it. So the only thing I could say is how do you get leverage, right? When they say, what's that saying? With the right lever, I could lift the world, right? Leverage and pulleys, right? You need leverage to move forward. You need to be courageous. Yeah, you could just say hunger. Hunger isn't enough. You could watch a Nike commercial from the 90s and get encouraged for two minutes and then you're scared again. You need leverage, right?

So what's the leverage? If I stay where I'm at, is it going to get any better? No. Will I get to the end of my life and regret it? Absolutely. Yes. Have I been scared before? Still didn't work out. Absolutely. You have.

If I watch the news, if I talk to my one friend, it robs my courage. It robs my confidence. I'm going to spend the next 90 days not watching the news, not talking to that friend. Then I'm going to find people who've made the same kind of change and they're happy. In business, I got this dialed. I told you that before. In my personal relationship, I went five years thinking about it. You know what finally did it for me? Is I have a daughter who's 18 now. I think she was 11.

She was born on my birthday. She's daddy's little girl. She's an amazing, amazing kid. I had somebody say to me, what would you feel like if your daughter was in a relationship like you guys?

And I was like, wow, leverage. Then I started interviewing people that I could find anybody that got a divorce and found a way to do it amicably, or they became friends. And then they got remarried and they were happy. I started interviewing people like, oh my God, I love my ex. She's awesome. But I found the love of my life. And I made all the mistakes with the, you know, all the stuff. Everyone's like, Dean's content is all about divorce and relationships right now. You're like, what?

Yeah, exactly. Right? So I started talking to people and interviewing people. And then I read books on a child-centered divorce. I found a way to replace in my, and again, I didn't mean to talk about personal relationship, but I found a way during divorce could get ugly. I made it one commitment. You know what it was? I'm going to embrace all emotions.

With compassion. When I get in my ego and like, how much do you want? What do you want me to pay you? What do you want with the kids? Like compassion. She's a mom, amazing mom. And like, I did all these things to leverage. And when I got the leverage, I woke up one day, it was done. Like I went to her in the most calm way. I remember we're at lunch. I'm like,

it's time we end this, isn't it? And she's like, it is. And I was just consistent. I'm like, here's five things I'm going to promise you. I'll never talk behind your back. Because I did the research and I got the leverage. So with that said, if you've been dying to do your own thing, you're stuck in a corporate career that you know is not your future, that you'll regret at the end of your life, start getting leverage. Find other people who quit. Model people that...

have already achieved what you want to achieve. Stop watching or doing the things that rob your courage and your confidence. Get empowered, get emboldened, and make a decision for you. That's the best thing I could say. And remember that a friend of mine, Trent Shelton, speaks on my stage. He's a lot of really awesome guys on social media. He's just awesome, dude. You feel like you're going to church when you watch him. But he said one day on my stage, we had a whole bunch of people on, and he said his wife was trying to figure out all his crazy dreams.

And he said he realized a minute earlier, she was talking about her new glasses were a prescription. And he was like,

I get it. He's like, you know, his belief is God. And he said, God gave me this prescription. And when I put these lenses on, I see the man I'm supposed to be. I know I'm meant for more and I see my future. But if I give my wife my prescription, it's blurry to her. How can I expect her to see 2020 about my vision? And he said, once I saw that, I didn't try to convince her anymore. I just let her understand my vision. You have a vision.

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On the vision piece, I have an amazing community and I know you do too, but I always say that my friends help me see clearly when my vision's blurry. It's like when I cannot see the truth, they're like, nope, I just got you. Vision's blurry. Like, let's, let me help you see the truth. Cause sometimes your mind, you can't see the truth. Like I'm like, I'm not successful. I'm not all these things. And they're like, let me help you. You have such an amazing community and people you're surrounded by.

What is like a common theme you've noticed among high performers, high achievers, like the people that you're with? Oh, great question. A couple of things. Complete and total ownership. It's nobody else's fault. It's not Biden's fault, not Trump's fault, right? Even though easy to blame whatever your beliefs are. It's not the person who left you's fault. It's not the partner who robbed your money and took you. If you take complete ownership and just say, if I win or I fail, it's all on me.

And it doesn't mean you haven't been taken advantage of. It doesn't mean that politics isn't crazy. It doesn't mean that things are uncertain. But the fact of the matter is nobody is coming to save you.

And when you accept that, when you say, what's the common thread? People don't expect anybody's going to do anything for them. They expect it's on them. And what I see in leaders sometimes, even when companies go sideways, even if it's an employee's fault, a good leader will say, hey, I hired him. It's on me. How about that partner that's screwing you over? I made the decision to partner with him. It's on me.

But then when the partner you choose, like my partnership with Tony Robbins, the greatest partnership in my life, my dearest friend, it's like, I get to say that was mine too. I've had some failed ones in the past, but that's on me. So the wins are yours, but the losses are yours. So I think complete ownership is number one, realizing no one's coming to save you. And the common thread amongst high achievers, and we've said it multiple times, is there's just a sense of hunger no matter what level of success they are.

When they accomplish one thing, then the next thing is like, maybe it's get to the next level so you could give it all the way to charity, but still a hunger to climb that. You find this new compelling future to strive for. Mm-hmm.

Because you did something with Matthew McConaughey. What did you notice about him? Like, what was something where you were like, wow, he's got this? Or what was like, what do you think makes him so impactful? It was cool because I really enjoyed Greenlights. I got done reading it. I'm like, man. I did audiobook. Oh, me too. I'll put you down. It's like, you cuddle up with Matthew McConaughey. I was on a drive. I was like...

When it got done, I was like, man, I want more. And I had a mutual friend. So I sent Matthew a seven minute voice memo. I'm like, I want more of this. I want more of this. This is what I do. Luckily he had watched me before. And long story short, I'm like, the world needs more of this. Let's do an event. Let's turn the book into a course. So the course, so if you,

A book I think is, can be very inspirational where a course or coaching can be transformational because you have to do work. Wow. Like stop the audio, get the pad, do this. Right. So I'm like, let's go from transformation to inspiration. And he said, yes. And it was fun as heck. And he flew into Phoenix to create the course. We spent about a week together to like midnight every night jamming on the course. It was, I just had a blast. He's, he's way cool. Like he seems cool. He just is cool. Like he just is. Totally. He's just a cool dude. Like I'd leave every night. I'm like,

I'm so not as cool as this guy. You come in, you're like talking with a twang. You're like, what's up guys? Oh yeah. Like I had to watch myself and not talk. Um, so cool. Just fast forward the night we went live, we had two and a half million people show up day one. We get done. And I said to him, I'm sorry, I'm digressing. You're just fun. Do you enjoy it? He's like one of the most incredible experiences of my life because, um,

He said, usually I read someone else's script directed by someone else. Someone else edits. He goes, I just got to spend six hours being me. Like, I thought it was just a cool, that was his answer. And then he said, now can we do a shot of tequila? Because he wanted to do one early. He's like, I might be a little off. I'm like, sure. I hadn't done a shot of tequila in a very long time. And then on the third one, I'm like, I don't think I can do the third one. But it was, he's, it was a blast. So,

What I loved about Greenlights, and this is something that all of us can take a lesson from, is Greenlights came from him journaling every day for 30 years. And then one day he decided to go through all of his journals and see what was his common threads of his life. What are the things that worked? So I can do more of it. What are the things that didn't work? So I can do less of it, not to oversimplify it. That's why I love the book so much. Then when I talked to him and he told me he spent a weekend or a week in the woods going through all his old journals, I'm like, oh my God, how?

It's not just the actor sharing his memoir, and I'm not knocking those. It's somebody sharing life experiences and the wins and the losses. But one of the things that really stood out for me is the fear of not knowing. He said what drives him forward is not knowing. Like, hey, you want to do this movie, right? It's a little weird, maybe interstellar. It's weird. It's different. Some people turned it down, but he's intrigued by it. He goes, the fear of not knowing if I could pull it off.

Right. He tells the story in the book about when he went to Africa and fought the guy in the tribe. Right. He said he was in his room. He's like, the guy's six foot seven. You guys, he's got a loincloth on ready to fight him. He's like, I'm in my hut going, damn, I don't want to fight this guy. But man, the fear of not knowing what it's like to fight a guy like this will drive me nuts. Got to do it. So everybody's got their own thing. His big one was the fear of not knowing. Right. So it's like the, it's such a, sometimes in life, I'm always like,

I call them like alien moments where it's just like when you just approach life with so much creativity and almost like you're just coming here to explore and play and experiment where you're like, I just, I can't not know what it's like. Cause it's such a playful approach to something rather than coming like, oh, I'm scared of this man. What's going to happen? It's like the possibility pulls you. It's such a good part. I mean, for some of you listening today, imagine if you let go of the fear and just say, I just need to know. Yes. I need to know if I can do my own thing. Yes. I need to know.

if I could be a life coach or coach on the thing I do. I need to know if I could write a book. And if you look at it with that, just need to know. And if you watch the way he said it, because what was really cool is I'm just being fun about it. But we sat around a table, me and Matthew, his wife, Camilla's amazing. She was there for all of it. And five of my team members, just documenting everything he said and working on this course that we created. But the fun part is

Every time he went to tell a story, he'd get up out of the chair and act it out for us. Wow. And I'm like, this is, who would have ever thought? Yeah, really? I lived in a trailer park as a kid. Now I'm getting that. Hang out with McConaughey, do a shot of tequila and watch him. And he'd stand up and go, I just was afraid of not knowing. Because what am I going to do? Wake up in three years and go, why didn't you fight that guy? You didn't know if it was going to be a good experience. And then he tells the experience after he fought him, got his butt whipped.

He said, but I got done. They gave him so much respect because he lasted way longer than they thought that the next day, you know, Matthew does crazy stuff. He just went to Africa like with a backpack. So the next day he decided to walk to the next village, which was 30 miles away in Africa with just like a little, Hey, it's that way. So he's going to follow the path and go like, I wish I was that great. I don't think that's not me. I don't think I can do a backpack. So the next day he's walking 30 miles to the next village just to check it out.

And when he got up, the guy he fought was standing there. Gave him so much respect. The guy walked him from the one village, walked 30 miles, didn't say a word to him.

He said when he got to the other village, he hugged him and said, thank you in his language, turned around and walked back 30 miles. He said that alone, like the feeling I had, the respect. And I guess he went there 20 years, 15 years later. He was still there. He was married. He had kids. And he walked him to the other village again. Wow. And he said, I never would have known what it was like to have the respect. He goes, every time I looked in his eyes, I could see a depth of respect. He said, wow.

Put me in a good space for a long time. He goes, I wouldn't have known. Wow. So I think what you just said might be a gift for everybody today. Stop taking it so serious. Yeah. Just what would it be like if I don't know if I have a book in me or whatever that thing is? Yes. I try and just kind of lift and bring levity to everything. Like even, I know I want to transition to Thrive in 25 after this, but I was in therapy yesterday and I was, and my therapist just looks at me and she goes,

You did it again. She was like, you did that thing again. Made it light. Yeah. And I was like, oh, you know, I'm just like, oh, I did that thing again. I did the pattern that we've been talking about that I'm trying to break. I'm in it again, just a different flavor. And just like old me would be like, oh, I'm in the pattern again. And I'm just...

And it's like, this is hilarious. Look at me being me doing my thing. You know, like we can just see ourselves in the compassion, in the play of being an entrepreneur, of creating, of finding purpose, of exploring what people want to do instead of being so serious about it.

You can enjoy the process and do the thing. And I think for so many people that are listening that want to find purpose, that want to cultivate skills, that want to find confidence, the Thrive in 2025 is just so perfect. And I wanted to talk a little bit about that because...

I was curious for people, like, who is this for? Is it for people that are entrepreneurs in the corporate world? Like what type of person is going to really benefit from the summit you have coming up in May? Awesome. Yeah. So Tony and I do a big free summit once a year. This year, like I said, calling it Thrive in 2025, I think it's May 15th. And

At this phase of our lives, what's so awesome is about it. We should have, what's awesome about it, I should say, is we should have about 800,000 people registered for it, right? From over a hundred countries. Yeah. And when we first started doing these big events, it was COVID. Like, how do we bring people together? Yeah, I remember that. I was supposed to go to UPW and COVID happened. Yeah. And it was online. Yeah. I was like, okay. And I got to help Tony switch that to online. And we realized, wow, now we got people from all over the world who maybe couldn't afford a flight or couldn't afford the ticket. We got all these people. And the common thread is,

I would say that the number one common thread is what we've been saying. We're saying earlier, it's people that know they're meant for more, but they don't have a blueprint to do it. And we share, we were talking earlier before the camera went on about, about women. I was sharing about my mom and, and I picture my, when my mom, I'm going to digress. When my mom and dad got divorced, my mom is a bad-ass, like an incredibly smart woman. Awesome. But she didn't know what to do. She didn't have a blueprint.

And she went and cleaned houses. She cut hair and painted houses, worked three jobs to make next to nothing. And talk about selfless. She supported my sister and I. We got along just fine and still love her dearly. I get to go see her next week, right? But when I thought about it, I just started saying this about two weeks ago. Somebody asked me about my mom and I'm like, you know what it is? My mom was a badass without a blueprint.

And I feel like what this event does for three days, about three hours a day, is we give all the badasses of the world that know they're meant for more. Maybe they're stuck in corporate America. Maybe they're in an unfulfilled career. Or maybe they started their own business but didn't have a blueprint and they're working harder on their business, making less money than they would have had a career. And we just want to show people that there's another way. You know, Tony's got 40-something years. I got almost 30 years in this industry. We've got like 76 years between us.

Matthew's coming to this event, by the way. Amazing. So we've got Matthew and Jay Shetty and a bunch of fun people. Yes, yes. But everybody who's coming took their life experience, and Tony and I, and realized that's the asset that's actually the most valuable, right? The thing that they learned, the experience they went through, the skill that they discovered at work, or the thing that they're passionate about, and learn how to turn that into a product.

how to create a course, a workshop, a community, a mastermind, a coaching program, a podcast. And Tony and I launched this company, Mastermind, co-founder seven years ago, and it turned into a movement, way bigger than we ever thought. I mean, almost a million people a year show up. So if you're someone that knows they're meant for more and you'd like to spend a couple of days with us, we'll pull back the curtain and give you a

what we believe is an incredible opportunity to enter an industry that we feel blessed you're in it that feel blessed that we get to impact others for a living just by not because we're of our brilliance just because of our experience because we're a chapter ahead of somebody right now you're listening you're a chapter ahead in some area of your life and you can help someone go faster the cool part is create a real business around it so if you're intrigued we'd love to have you join us

Yeah. I love how you help people know and recognize their worth and really figure out their skills and get the confidence. And I'm going to come because I was like, oh, I just, I want to see you guys in action. Like, I think I've done some of your stuff before, but I'm really excited for this one. And also just to know more about myself and my path and for the women too, because I think a lot of people, the missing thing is not knowing themselves enough to be able to

to serve the world with their gifts. Yes. So true. In most cases, we don't do things because we don't have a clear enough path. Yes. And we don't have assistance. We don't have guidance. We don't have somebody that says, hey, hey, don't do that. Go down this way. No, no, slow down. It's okay. We'll help you with this. And that's what we get to do. I think that's why we get so many people registered. And it's the only event we do like this free. Wow. So not kind of free. It's completely free. Yeah.

And just to end, just for you personally, like what are you personally working with right now, grappling with? Like what is Dean? What's on your mind? You know, I've had a lot of years to work on me. You know, I'm in a pretty good place. I love what I do so much that I still work too much.

I don't golf. I don't fish. I don't have hobbies. I love spending time. I have four kids. My daughter's 18. She's going to go off to college. So I'm squeezing in every minute I possibly can. My 16-year-old who came with us, came with me today. And I have a five and a two-year-old. I love being married. I love my kids. So most of my free time goes to my family and the rest of it all goes to work. So I would say one of my grappling is still trying to find a balance. And the one thing I'll share with all of you,

is there's not much of a chance of ever finding a work-life balance. It's what I've come to realize, it's work-life integration. They live together. And when you, I know this is hard, I think work-life balance, the thought of that comes from, I don't really love what I do, so at five o'clock, I'm shutting it off so I can be normal to my significant other. When you love what you do, I think it's okay to bring them together. They merge, they integrate, and I think that's the greatest gift we could have. Yeah, I...

I think that's an interesting thing. And I know we're kind of like opening up a can as we end, but it is interesting because when you find your purpose or your passion, it's like, then you're like, it all bleeds. It's all one. It's all one thing. It's like 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I'm like, let's grab a laptop. Yeah, exactly. I'm cuddling up with Apple products all the time. I'm just like, time to work. And sometimes feeling shame about that, feeling motivated by it, feeling guilt about it. So for anyone that's listening, if you feel called to your purpose and you feel called to

to what you're here to do in life, just knowing that your life may look different. And I think that's an underlying theme too, is like being okay with being different, being on a different path, like doing more than others or doing things differently than what the normal status quo is. But it's been such a pleasure, you know, your honesty and your vulnerability and

and just your integrity with what you do is just so, so great to be around. And I just loved hearing your personal stories. And this was just so helpful for me. I feel re-inspired and reinvigorated. And I feel really grateful to be in this space, you know, with people like you that are truly just here to do good. So I appreciate you coming on Almost 30. And I'm excited for all of our audience and listeners to join me at Thrive in 2025, which is happening in May, May 15th through 17th. And it's all free for you. We'll have all the information in the show notes.

And we love you guys. We'll see you soon. Bye. See ya. Bye. Thank you so much, Dean. Again, you can go to thrivealmost30.com to join Thrive in 2025. And I look forward to seeing you guys there. And then at camp happening on Sunday, May 18th. Yeah, you can sign up by pre-ordering our book at almost30.com slash book. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you all. Make sure you subscribe to Almost 30 for new episodes every single week. Yeah, we love you guys. We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye.