Car Pod 🚐 #358
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This is Rock and Roll English. Real people, real English. Here's your host, Martin Johnson. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Rock and Roll English, episode number 357, baby. Oh yeah. And in today's episode, we have a big episode, okay? A very, very special episode.

Now, just to set the scene for you, okay, this episode is with the Hellraiser. We all know him, yeah, the crazy one, who was back in Chelmsford, where I live now, our hometown. And you may or may not know, it's quite difficult to get hold of the Hellraiser. So I had to make the most of this opportunity. So we had to record. However, there was a problem. My in-laws were here. So Mrs. R&R's mum and dad. Now, I don't know if you've heard of them.

I recently did buy a new house, but I don't live in a mansion, a huge house. I have a room upstairs where I record and it would have been a bit embarrassing to invite my friend around, say to my parents-in-law, we're going upstairs like two teenage boys. So I felt a bit awkward doing that. So the solution was a car. We can do the episode in a car. However, another problem

I have recorded podcasts in cars, but there's normally noise because the car's obviously driving. You can't really get rid of that. It's quite annoying. So I found a solution to be in a car, but stationary, so not driving. So if the car switched off. So now imagine the scene. OK, you have two 40 year old men in a car park.

with a computer and microphone. Okay, just imagine walking down the street and you see that. Okay, that's what we had. So as you can imagine, I certainly felt very, very uncomfortable, which I think the Hellraiser enjoyed, obviously, knowing him. In fact, this is an outtake. This happened before we actually started recording. And to understand this, you may need to know the word hazards.

the hazard lights you know when you're in the car and you have a problem and you switch on those lights where there are two lights at the back flashing those are called hazards in english i put the hazards on stop it i don't even know how to switch them off

So as mentioned, that was before we got started. But anyway, let's move on to the podcast. Just two more things you need to know. OK, one is the term dogging. OK, because we do talk about this a lot, unfortunately, for the first few minutes, even though I didn't want to now.

I have just had to look on Google what dogging means because I wasn't 100% sure myself, as you will hear on the podcast. And I've got a definition for you, OK? Dogging is a British slang term of having sex in public while other people watch. The practice usually occurs in car parks, which is where the Hellraiser and I were in the middle of the day.

And one more thing. You will hear a very, very small snippet repeated a few times, OK? And you may just want to look out for this part towards the end of the episode. And the Hellraiser, well, we're talking about a snarly voice, which is quite an annoying voice, and a caramel voice, OK, which is, like, smooth and nice, OK? So watch out for that bit. So here is the episode. I will talk to you at the end. Happy listening.

Hey Razor, how are you today? Very good Martin, very good. How are you doing? Feeling slightly uncomfortable, if I'm honest, in the car. It's a bit warm, isn't it? It's warm, just to give people background, in a car park with a microphone between us. It looks like we are, what's that thing that the couples do in the car? Dogging. Dogging. Is that what you meant to say? Do people do that with a microphone? Yeah.

I don't think so. So I don't actually know how dogging works. Have you got any experience? We could do an episode on that.

I mean, I thought you had a plan for this one, so I don't want to go off piste. But I mean, we can get a good way to get a truck or something a bit heavy to go dogging. Because we don't really have a plan for the podcast. This is actually a dogging location, by the way, in Johnson. How do you know that? I've been around. So just to tell me what dogging is, from what I understand, stop making so much noise, stop moving so much. Okay.

From what I understand. This is what docking is all about, moving. It's a couple. So I go there with my wife. Moving with no clothes on. Do they have to have no clothes on?

Well, you don't have to. It just helps. I guess it helps. I mean, it's up to you. Dog into the... It's a spectrum, isn't it? You can do as much as you want. But is it not the couple things where I go with my wife and then you're with your wife and then we swap wives? I don't think you have to be married. Right. Well, couples. Yeah. Or you could just go on your own as maybe a third wheel. You could just...

I can imagine you lurking around car parks. We're doing that right now. That's exactly what you've asked me to do. I normally go after dark. It's a bit more successful. Well, anyway, we are supposed to be playing this or that. It's a last minute podcast, chat GPT, this or that, 20 questions. So I've got various different ones. Dogging or swinging? Dogging.

Oh, swinging is the couple's one, isn't it? Yeah. Right. Got mixed up. So what would you do, dogging or swinging? Dogging. I don't want anyone going with my wife. Dogging sounds much better. Dog. So changing the subject, I've got it beach holiday or city break. I'm thinking about your dogging now. Stop it.

What clothes would you wear when you were dogging? Right. We need to stop talking about dogging. Okay, right. I've got a clothes one. Jeans or joggers? Smooth transition. All right. Jeans or joggers? I mean, I'm a jeans man. Jeans? Yeah, denim. Classic denim. Denim? They're not a bit tight around the crutch area?

Not, no. No? No, not really. Not for me. But when you get home and you put a pair of joggers on, don't you think like, oh, that's good. I get a pair of shorts on. Shorts? Yeah. But it's cold. Well, just don't keep the windows open. So if it's cold, you're going to keep the windows open? If it's cold, I don't keep the windows open. I'll wear a pair of shorts. It's not that cold. I don't live outside. Well. Anymore? No, for me, it's all about joggers.

Yeah, but you just look like a waste drawer. You can't turn up at a dogging site with joggers on. They'll laugh you out of the car park. I'm going to try and phase the jogging out now. You were actually taking the piss out of my joggers, weren't you? My Man United joggers. Yeah, because you're a grown man. You're a father and you're wearing Man United joggers.

Retro Mate, 1989. Nobody cares, Mark. Well... Nobody cares about it. I think people do. So just underlining the year. Have anyone come past you and said, wow, cool joggers, bro? I think I've noticed people staring and saying like, wow. Really? Those are some joggers, yeah. Even now? Even now. My other joggers... Yeah, tell me. Very similar. Adidas.

Yeah. Adidas originals. Poppers? No poppers. I mentioned that the other day about how you, non-uniform day at school. Oh, it's carnage. People wore Adidas poppers, which were all the rage at the time, weren't they? Super fashionable, but also super dangerous. Super dangerous with the Hellraiser opening. Oh, that was it. We were talking about Boom Boom. And Boom...

And Boom Boom mentioned how you pulled his trousers down once as well. Yeah, that was good. That got him into dogging, I think. But yeah, my other Adidas ones have got... I loved them and they've got a massive hole in the arse now. Why? Just from wear and tear? Well, I found out my bike seat has got a little spike in it and that's why all of my...

and joggers have been decimated. Does it not go through to your actual skin? No, I don't know why. You developed a callus. Yeah, of course. And so, yeah, I've lost them. But anyway, okay, next one. Sunrise or sunset? Both. You can't, you've got to choose one. It's good to see the sunrise and then the sunset, isn't it?

It's a tough one, that. It is nice to see the sun rise. It is nice. Intentionally. Yeah, I know what you mean by that. In fact, that's actually not nice, is it? When you've been up all night on a night out and then the sun's coming up. That's when you're thinking... That's a bit negative. Fucking hell, like... Yeah. This is a bit much. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go sunset. That's when you think, like...

I should call it a day here. Yeah, questioning yourself. Yeah, and life choices. However, like you said, when you do it intentionally, like when you've been to bed and you wake up early, I feel that...

There's just something about that of like, I've got the discipline to wake up early. There's no one else around. I feel like I'm kind of winning at life. Yeah, that is true. You feel quite proud of yourself, don't you? Whilst a sunset, and anyone can see that because... So, for example, if you go to the beach, when I used to live by the beach, when I went for sunrise, there would be no one there. Sunset, it would be packed. Yeah, exactly. So, let's go...

Well, you sunrise on sunset. I watched the sunrise in a desert once. That was nice. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You could actually see it. The sun move and then all the shadows moving across. What were you doing in a desert? Did you have a camel? Just talking. I doubt you find many people available for talking in the desert. You can find them. There's caravan parks everywhere, mate.

Right, okay, morning shower or evening shower? Morning. Yeah, 100%. A little bit of a cold blast, maybe 20, 30 seconds cold blast. Yeah. Just to wake up. I'm with you with that. However, you do need a responsive shower. Amen. Because if it takes a long time to get back too hot, that is a problem. Yeah, I agree. But you actually do cold showers then? I mean, not a full cold shower, like at the end.

A little bit of a cold whip. Or at the end. So I would always finish on hot. I used to do contrast showers. So hot, cold, hot, cold. That is fascinating. It's supposed to be good for like the blood, the vein, something like that. Is it? Did you find it improved your veins? Scientific explanation. But that was when I used to go to the gym and it was really responsive. Now it takes, it's too long. Okay. I would never finish on cold though.

Depends. In the winter, it's a bit gnarly, isn't it? It's a bit rough. Very rough. Right. Okay. Netflix or YouTube? Netflix. Yeah? Yeah. I've gone off, cancelled my subscription. Have you? Take that, Netflix. But I just never really watch YouTube that much. I mean, I used to watch it for music videos and things. You get live music videos. But other than that, what do you use YouTube for? Everything. Everything.

I watch YouTube every day. Really? Yeah, I don't really watch TV. You know what as well? Cancel my TV license. Take that, BBC. What the fuck? Don't watch TV, mate. But you don't listen to the radio. You have to pay to listen to the radio. It's all in the license, mate. You don't just get the TV license, that's it. Do you not go on the BBC Sport website? You don't need it to go on BBC Sport. You don't play for that, mate. No, you don't. You need it to watch BBC iPlayer.

Yeah. And also if you listen to the radio. Don't listen to the radio.

Well, you don't listen to the radio, but you watch YouTube. What are you, 15? Well, no, I'm not watching YouTubers like KSI. But you know who that is. Well, only because he plays football. Does he? Well, they're doing something football related at the moment. So no, I'm not into YouTubers. That's the great thing about YouTube. You just go on, suggested videos, bang. I'll just watch a bit of that.

I think we should ask the listeners about that one as well. Do you ask the listeners these as well? Yeah, 100%. Our family members will talk about it in the chit chat. Let's do it. I will. Okay, travel by car or by train? I do like a good train journey. Train's so much better. Well, it depends where you're going, isn't it? If you're going to, I don't know, a warehouse in Lutterworth. If you don't know where Lutterworth is, I don't know either, by the way.

It's Midlands. Anyway, be tricky then. But, I mean, this car journey has been nice, sitting here in this car park. I have been on two proper road trips in my life and they were great. Was I with you? No, that's why they were great. I was a fucking nightmare with you. I remember being in a long... I say long, it was like two hours long.

I think, yeah, we were going to university. I was at university. We were coming back. I also went to university. Yeah, okay. Are you going to let me finish the story? Well, I think it's interesting. Well, it is actually a brilliant story. It's the best ever. Carry on. And you bought a porno mag from... We stopped at a petrol station. You get something to eat. You know, you buy maybe some chocolate. Hilary buys a porno mag.

And then when we were driving in the car, you were opening the porno mag. And as we were overtaking cars, holding it up against the window so everyone else was seeing the naked pictures of this porno mag. I had forgotten about that. That is a good gag, though. It's a good gag. But that is the reason why you would not be good on a...

on a um road trip because you know road trips are just there for relaxing chatting sure you don't need someone you know that you constantly have to you have to be on guard because you don't know what you're going to do next all right point taken yeah um but yeah train train beers as well train beers train beers are good well you can have car beers if you're not driving

Yeah, but there'll be one person that's not involved, isn't it? Are you texting? We're supposed to be... No, I'm fully in this. Why are you playing with your phone then? I'm getting up the questions. I've got the questions. Don't worry about the questions. I just like to be prepared.

You're clearly not. You're clearly not. I sent you the questions before saying, think about them, but you clearly haven't because you don't know how to answer any of them. You asked me 12.45. You picked me up at 12.55. Yeah. 10 minutes. I should have been mulling on these overnight, 24 hours. That's all you need, mate, when you're a pro like me. You're pulling out stories about porno mags that happened in 1997. But that... We weren't driving cars in 1997. I was. Yeah.

But that's me, mate. Just give me one second. Bang, got a podcast ready, ready to go. Stories off the cuff. Get to the car park. Off the cuff. Yep. Okay, here's an interesting one. Singing or dancing? Oh, that's a good question, that one. I think I'm more of a dancer. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, here's another question. Can you dance sober?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I've never seen you dance sober. Well, I mean, hang out with me more when you're sober then. Actually, that's not true. I've seen you awkwardly dance when you're sober and it's just written all over your face. Like me as well. Like any, I think, British man. Yeah.

dancing because everyone else is there you feel like you have to but you're really dying inside thinking this is awful when was this occasion i don't know i just it just you just made it up it just ring oh i don't know i just made it up yeah pretty much but i have got that image in my mind i had to dance on stage in a in a bar in um in uganda once and that was quite that was quite terrifying they were like oh get the white guy i was like no honestly

Really don't want to see this. No, no, come on. So I went up on the stage and all of the dancers on there were actually like obviously really good. I wasn't. And they're like, move your hips much. Mate, this is how they move. They don't move like yours, I'm afraid. That is cringeworthy. It was only for a full five minutes though, if that's okay. Yes. Five minutes is a long time when you're on a stage and you're trying to dance. And everyone looking at you. Yeah, yeah.

That is a very long time. I can only imagine. You hit the dance mat pretty hard after that, I can tell you. Okay, this question is specifically for you. Glasses or contact lenses? Depends what kind of glasses they are. If they're your tinted ones. Just out of interest.

Did you buy them? So for the people that don't know, who maybe haven't listened to old episodes, the Hellraiser at school, for all of school, maybe? Up until 1617. 1617 had, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the cartoon Tintin, but like John Lennon. You'd probably be more familiar with John Lennon, I imagine, Mark. John Lennon glasses, like those spectacles, very round glasses.

And you took a lot of stick at school for them. Oh, big time. But did you choose those glasses? No, my mum chose them. Right. Yeah. She had this discussion a couple of days ago. Mum was like, oh...

Why don't we have a look at these old videos of you at school? I was like, yeah, okay, we can do that. She said, you know those glasses, how much I was bullied for them? She said, no, you look lovely in them. I was like, you didn't allow me to get another pair for the entirety of school. She's like, you look great. No, I didn't. And then also I got a pair of braces, which kind of compounded everything. Yeah.

But yeah, they look good on John Lennon, but he was in the Beatles. I was an 11-year-old living in Essex who played the saxophone. I wasn't even playing the sixth string. But were you actually going home asking for new glasses? Yeah, every day. Oh, that's quite sad. Yeah, I know. Still also hilarious, but... Yeah, yeah. Well, I live and learn, eh? Live and learn. Absolutely. Okay, right. Next question for...

Music on when working or silence? Silence. Yeah, total silence? Usually. Usually, yeah. Same as studying when you were doing exams? Same. Yeah, if there's any kind of external stimuli, I'm not concentrating. Well, this is another reason why you can use YouTube, mate. I listen to maybe like study music or sometimes I listen to like lo-fi music.

hip-hop beats just to do you rap a bit over the top i'm i'm a rapper yeah yeah no i know that i know that so you do like study raps and shit no lay down some beats they can't have lyrics no lyrics but you lay down the lyrics i imagine you put the lyric track no it's just something you know what i think i've got adhd because when i listen to adhd relief music

I can concentrate better. I didn't even... I am... I'm missing out on a whole world. I can concentrate better. I think I might open this window. It's a bit hot, isn't it? I'm getting a bit hot. Sweating? I don't want the people outside to hear us and you might hear the birds on the podcast. Yeah, that's nice. Everyone wants that. This could be nice for someone studying to have that. Listening to us talk? Yeah, why not? I don't think so. Um...

When you talk, you've got a bit of a snarly voice, but maybe me. I've been told my voice is a bit like caramel. Caramel? It's rather ironic that when you said that exact word, it was like your voice was breaking like when you were 14. I've been told my voice is a bit like caramel. Caramel. I was thinking back to my John Lennon glasses being back at school. Do you remember when your voice was breaking?

Is there a story behind this? No, no, it's a genuine question. Not really. I do remember at school, quite a lot of people, when they were talking, would have that weird... That's right. What I just had. I've been told my voice is a bit like caramel. That's what I was thinking of, yeah. Is it breaking? It's going to get deeper. What, your voice? Is it breaking now? I'm having a second puberty. But yeah, I remember... I don't remember, like, obviously...

It wasn't like a period, but I remember a few times of just talking and my voice just going really high. It just sounded like an absolute idiot. So, yeah, I remember that. Okay, what about this one? Sea or pool? Sea or pool? Like the sea or swimming pool. Oh, the sea or swimming pool. Got it. Not someone called pool. Yeah, I prefer the sea. I prefer the sea. Good answer.

Why is the question? Easy. I mean, it's just, you know, it's the sea, isn't it? Paul is man-made. Paul is the cage and the sea is the open frontier. Yeah, that's true. More chance of seeing probably the live piece of shit in the sea, though.

Depending on where you are. We had that at your wedding, didn't we? Do you remember? We went into the sea and there was a fresh log. Someone shit themselves at my wedding. No, it was the day after. Yeah. I don't know if it was related to the wedding. I don't think so.

Anyway, apart from that, yeah, definitely the sea. It's got to be. Okay, what about this? So run or cycle? Go for a run or go for a bike ride? I'm going for a run this morning. It's got to be a run, isn't it? So tell us about your park run then. Let's explore it. I mean, it's a weekly event. For people that don't know, this is a common thing in the UK. So I've never done it. I think it's been running for 20 years. 20? Yeah. Really? I think so. Park run. Uh.

How do people check out their PBs? Like you were just checking out 20 years ago. I mean, it must have been different pre-internet. But now, I mean, they just send it to you. You've got your barcode. And then when you scan your barcode, when you finish, they give you results. Do you talk to people? Depends who I go with.

When you go by yourself? When I go by myself, no. Sometimes we have catch up at the end. I mean, today there was a woman in her mid-60s who was doing her 100th run. So she was running with some balloons. And I was trying to keep pace with her, which was a bit difficult. And then at the end, I just smoked her. Right. Nice. Well done. I've actually got my results here. Just tell us about that, your position. Your position sounded pretty good. It was pretty strong. Yeah.

That's pretty strong. So is here parkrun number 584. Of those I've done... Sorry, you've done 584 parkruns? No, I've done four. Out of 584. Okay, so we are actually going to stop the podcast there, unfortunately. I would like to continue. However, people pay for the Rock and Roll English membership for the extra content which we create...

And this will continue in the family membership area tomorrow. And we also talk about things like usual, which are definitely not safe for the public. OK, so if you would like to listen to the episode, remember to have a look at the Rock and Roll English family membership area, because believe me, the episode does get a lot more interesting. Here again is a snippet. Henry, don't take off your fucking T-shirt. What are you doing?

My God. Yes, that's right. He took off his T-shirt. You'll find out why tomorrow in the episode. But anyway, let's have a look at the vocabulary from today's episode. We obviously spoke about dogging and swinging. Hopefully that's very clear now, the difference. OK, I wasn't so clued up myself, but whatever.

We do know the difference now. OK, I don't really want to talk about either of those things anymore. So let's move on to the next one, which is when the Hellraiser was talking, he said, I don't really want to go off piste. So to go off topic coming from skiing the piste, when you go off piste, when you go like through the trees, you're going off piste. OK, so we use that term to say talk about something else. And when we were on the swinging, I think.

The Hellraiser mentioned you could go as a third wheel. So a classic third wheel example. You go out, your friends go out. They are a couple, boyfriend, girlfriend, and then you go. You are the third wheel. I've been a third wheel a few times in my life. Believe me.

And we spoke about lurking around car parks, so lurking, just kind of hanging around, like what's this person doing there? Oh, it's the Hellraiser. He's interested in dogging. Then we spoke about joggers, jog, not dog, joggers, which are tracksuit bottoms like Adidas ones, for example. And then we spoke about Adidas poppers, which were all the rage. So all the rage meaning really popular.

And the Hellraiser asked me if my hole was just from wear and tear. So wear and tear is just what happens after you've had some clothes for a while. You get, you know, some small problems, don't you? And then I mentioned how my jeans and joggers have been decimated. So been completely ruined thanks to my bike and how we had to be on guard when the Hellraiser was there. And we had Adidas poppers for non-uniform day at school.

And the Herrera said that he should have been mulling over these questions. So to mull over something, like to really think about it, you're not sure what to do. I mentioned how the whole podcast really was pretty much off the cuff. I didn't really plan anything, just quickly got some questions from ChatGPT and boom, we went off.

We spoke about the Hellraisers dancing, which was cringeworthy and how he took a lot of stick for his glasses. When you take stick for something, it's you take criticism, let's say. And then he said he got braces.

which are the things that you have on your teeth to make them grow in the right direction. Generally for teenagers, but you can have them in adult life as well. The Hellraisers said we are more mellow now. Okay, so when you are mellow, you're a bit more relaxed, a bit more chilled out, let's say. And that's it for today. So again, I will see people in the R&R family membership for tomorrow's episode. And if you are interested in listening to the rest

just click on the link inside the description to this podcast you are listening to right now thanks a lot for listening i will see you very soon but in the meantime just keep on rocking baby thanks so much for listening to rock and roll english for more great content and to stay up to date visit rockandrollenglish.com and facebook.com slash rock and roll english we'll catch you next time