Ask Uncut - Do You Have A Work Crush?
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions.

Also, I just want to say a very big thank you to everyone because this is the first episode. I know we had Friday's episode come out, but this is the first episode since the big news. And I just want to say thank you for so many really, really nice messages that I've received. Imagine if you didn't get nice messages though, imagine if it was like, fuck,

you having another baby in an overpopulated world. What about that one you got about twins? Oh, someone messaged me. I was like, please only send me positive news stories about going from two to three because like I told you on the last episode, everyone likes to tell you how insane you are. And this one woman messaged and she was like, yeah, she's like two to three sound like a fucking great idea. Except now I'm 18 weeks pregnant with twins.

Imagine going from two to four. That would just mess you right up sideways. One of my really good friends that you guys know, Tani, shout out to Tani. She listens to every episode. She'll froth that. I love Tani. She's the best. She had two kids. She was umming and ahhing for the third. They decided to. She's now got four under four. She had twins. That's so wild. Did she just start a small business like last year? You know what? Fuck it.

But fuck it. Chilling Charlie. It's a pajama business. It's amazing. She's one of those superhero moms that's like, she's an architect, works full time, started a business, four kids under four and a half. This is a real thing though. I can't remember where I read it, but women who have babies and then start businesses are...

after becoming mums. More productive. Yeah, there's this real entrepreneurship that happens. And also we're very lucky with the current climate with like social media and the accessibility of starting small online businesses. It's definitely a thing and I think it's because having your own business obviously starts as a bit of a creative idea often during maternity leave, but it's something that you can manage within your own time dependent on what it is. And often it's these businesses that end up blowing the hell up.

I've mentioned it before, Kira Crumble. She has quite a few different businesses now, but a lot of them were inspired off the back of motherhood. And I think even for us, like when we started, you guys probably remember, I started May & Moo with my sister, which is like a crocheted blanket brand. Mind you, I haven't had the time to dedicate to it that I probably need because of the other bazillion businesses that we've got going on.

But I think sometimes as a mom, you see a gap or you see something that you would have liked yourself. And that's kind of like a business opportunity. And I guess you're not sleeping anyway. I mean, might as well be doing emails while you're breastfeeding, right? Yeah. And I think the thing is, and I mean, maybe this is just talking to my friend Tani as well, but you do hear that.

are more productive because the time, they have less time. So the time that they've got, they just knuckle down. Like I know for her, she's realized with four kids at home that she's like, I want more autonomy and I want to be able to do stuff at home and I want something that's more mine. Yeah. So I think that's really cool. I also said she was an architect. Sorry, she's an engineer. I just wanted to rectify that. We're best friends. I just, actually,

on that though like Laura I actually remember you teaching me about this it'd have to be over a year ago now but you gave me such a different perspective on it in terms of employing mothers because I kind of had maybe a little bit of a really wrong and a bit of a judgmental attitude that if women were employed and they had kids they had priorities that were greater than their work and I thought well that's always going to be the case until their kids are of a certain age and

And you taught me if you hire mums, they will work the hardest of anyone in the room because they don't have the time to fuck around. They're not the ones going and getting the coffees and going and taking the extra time to chat with everybody in the office because once their work time stops, they have to parent and they will get their shit done. And it really, really shifted things for me. I was like, wow, that's amazing.

perspective I hadn't thought about before. And it's probably a hundred percent true. And I think that heralding women in that way is a really, really good thing that you did. You shifted my mindset on it. Maybe that's what I need to do because I've got all these businesses in the back of my mind and I can't start them. Maybe I need to get pregnant and then I'll become super successful at the same time. You're already super successful, Brittany. That's the problem. You already have businesses, but you're like, but now I need a sunglass brand. No, I have these

two brands and it's so annoying I have I've got business names I've paid for them I've trademarked them they're sitting there and it's really annoying because I feel like I was just taking off and then I'm not going to say who but somebody very very big in Australian media just launched the same business and now I know that there's room for everyone and every market's saturated but I'm like fucking

Like if I did it a year ago, I would have, you know, but you can't be like that. But now I've got to think, do I still want to do it? Because this person, I'll tell you off air, I can't go up against this person. Yeah, it's different when someone else is doing it, but they're doing it really, really well. That's the problem. Yeah, they're just, I mean, their reach and their following and who they are. Can I guess? We can beep it if it's right. Yeah.

Well, look, guys, not trying to derail this back to myself for a second. Sorry, back to Laura's baby. I genuinely wanted to say thank you. Like, I just feel so, I feel so loved. Like, yeah, it means so much to me how much so many of you, one, listened to the episode, two, cared, messaged, like all of the, just all of the love and all of the support. And I feel so lucky that this little baby gets to have two amazing sisters. If you missed it, we're having a girl. I miss you.

Yay. Sorry, poor Matt. You're living with you, Marley, Lola, his mum, Ellie. The cat that he didn't want. The girl. The cat.

He's got Buster at least. He's got one other bit of testosterone in the mouth. Buster doesn't do much. He's such a good boy. He just sits in the corner. He doesn't contribute to the testosterone. He's such a good boy. No, look, I mean Matt was always destined to be a girl dad and I guess maybe we'll have a big conversation about it later on but we've spoken about gender disappointment before and I absolutely don't want to put Matt into the camp of having gender disappointment. He is thrilled that we are having a girl but he definitely had the reaction of like,

oh, okay, I have to reassess my expectations around what I thought fatherhood would be because he always saw himself as being a dad to a boy. I don't plan on having another baby after this. So like this is us. He might have other ideas. Can we get that audio and hold on to it for when number four comes? This is us and our family complete, I think. And I guess like it was like a moment of whiplash for him to get his head around. And yeah.

He's so, so stoked that we're having another baby. He's so stoked that we're having a girl and he is the best girl dad. And I think for me, I am happy that it's a girl because I worry that bringing a little boy into the dynamic would change the relationship that he already has with our daughters. And I say this because, you know, we have one nephew, we have two nephews, sorry, but

One that he spends a lot of time with, which is George, his sister's son. And anytime we're all together and Kate has two little girls and she also has a little boy, George, Matt instantly beelines and they play football and they do all these things together. And it's like, well, I would hate for you to think that they're the things you have to do if we had a boy and you don't do those things with our girls, you know? And the relationship he has with Marley and Lola is so incredibly special that I'm like,

We were designed for this. You were destined for this. I don't think he would change if he had a boy. I don't think he'd change the way he treats the girls in that sense. But I do think you can have the same things running concurrently. I think that you can have a level of gender disappointment and still be equally thrilled. Like you can still be equally thrilled you're getting a daughter and still have a level of like –

could have been cool to dabble in something I haven't dabbled in. Yeah, change of scenery would have been nice. Also, I don't want to make this too deep and we can cut it if you're not comfortable with it, but Matt doesn't have a relationship with his dad and I wonder if there was a little bit of a subconscious thing where he wanted to be the dad to, you know, a figure that he never had. Yeah. As in like I wonder if he kind of maybe –

wanted to parent a boy in the way that he was not raised as a boy. Does that make sense? Yeah. We've had big conversations, not about specifically being a dad to a boy, but being a dad in general. And I think...

I wonder if other people have experienced this, but like there is something incredibly healing. And this is a big conversation Matt and I have had. There's something incredibly healing about becoming a parent when maybe your experience of your childhood wasn't the idyllic childhood upbringing, because I really feel as though you get to heal your own inner child by being the parent that you always deserve to have. And I know that that's something that Matt has felt because he's just the

best dad. He's the best, best dad. And, you know, he's always said, I want to be the version of a dad that I didn't necessarily have. So,

So yeah, I'm so proud of him. And also, you know, it took him a second and now he's so on board. So look, guys, again, thank you. It's very exciting times. I'm sure I'll update you on all of the gory details along the way. You're going to be thrilled about it. Oh, we have so much more content now. Oh, thank God we were running dry. I'm just so glad we can actually talk about it because there were so many things that were going on in your personal life and you're like, oh, I just, I can't share that yet.

So, yeah, we're going to get the backlog of all the funny stories. I did. I genuinely loved going through all the guesses of what it was going to be on the Instagram post. Like, that was really fun. The people that thought all three of us were having babies simultaneously, that was very optimistic of you. I don't know how. On the same day. I don't know how we would survive that. To be fair, that would be one situation where the podcast would really struggle. Oh, my God.

I don't know what would have happened. I don't know how we would have survived that. So it's probably as exciting as that would have been. Be grateful that we're all not having babies simultaneously. And also the second biggest guess was that Britt is now already married and she's moved to Italy. I tell you. Those things are going to happen. Like that's probably the next big news that we have, like when we're teasing an announcement, but realistically. Well, you have just blown the big news. Thanks, Laura. I was holding on to that. Thanks.

No, it was exciting. I also did love the person that wanted Ben to come on as a co-host. I thought that was cute. I was like, wow, he really hit home with someone. Absolutely.

And I do want to also validate a lot of people were talking about cloud, which I know that I didn't mean to bait you with the cloud. We didn't think it through. Sorry. We're not thoughtful enough to do Easter eggs. I'm not Taylor Swift, guys. I was just looking. I was in a rush. I was also trying to get food into both kids. It was soft. It looked nice. And you know what? It was a template in Canva that we'd used a long time ago. And I was like, that'll do, pig. That'll do. We actually were all speaking in our messages being like,

Wow. We really didn't think that one through. Like we definitely did bait that it was something to do with cloud, but we didn't, no one knew, no one knew that that's what we were baiting. We didn't, it didn't even cross our mind. Okay. And also if you haven't listened to cloud, listen, go and listen. It is a fantastic podcast that we created. Keisha created it. She's hosted it. She's produced it. And it is all about living with ADHD, ADHD, late diagnosis. It's a fucking great podcast.

Go and get that in your ears. Well, speaking of recommendations. Should we get into vibes? I thought you were going to recommend the pod. I'm just going to recommend it.

I'm just going to recommend Cloud again. Yeah, look, I'm going to kickstart then with our two weeks like overseas and stuff. I mean, I watched some stuff like the plane, 30 hours traveling. I downloaded a bunch of stuff and I just watched whole series. Can I say I had planned on trying to get through a couple of seasons of I just wanted to watch White Lotus. I wanted to watch it while I was on holiday. You still haven't watched it. I didn't watch a single thing, not one thing on holiday.

I don't know what I did, though. I guess in family stuff, which is probably better. You watched Dolphins. You were very connected. You were grounded. The life you should be living. I actually don't know what I did. I can't tell you one thing. I can tell you because you would send me photos. Laura would send me photos of her at the beach. Be like, I'm so free. I'm going to move here. And it was just like an empty beach. And I was like, okay, see you back in the city next week. I was like, what? She always does it. She goes, this is freedom. And I was like, who are you? She's got a tinfoil hat. Yeah, she is.

Literally, like, making sand angels. She was on the ground making angels and she's like, I just love it here. Guys, I'm born to be in the country. I'm not born to be here. I'm not. I'm born to be on the Italian coast. On a yacht. But we can't all have what we want. Alright, recommendations. Yeah, so...

So season five of You, we all know what You is. Literally, there's five seasons. This is the final season. It came out like in the last two weeks. It's really fresh, but I downloaded it straight away and watched the entire thing. How many episodes are we talking? I think it's eight. Ten max. Eight. But it's pretty standard. See what you can achieve when you're not doing Sand Angels. No, see what you can achieve when you're on a 30-hour fly. Yeah.

So if you've seen the reviews, it is getting mixed reviews. And I went through each season. So season one to five basically got like in terms of percentage ratings, 95%, 93%, 89%. Like they sort of went down a little bit. And I think this one's the lowest. It's 79% or something. But I loved it. I really enjoyed it. What I will say is it was –

and I think you can feel both things at the same time, I was very frustrated by the choices the characters made. You know when you want to scream at a TV, you're like, well, what did you think was going to happen? That's what I was saying. I was like, of course you're going to get murdered. Why did you do that?

So you get this real frustration with the characters, but it wasn't enough to not make you want to watch it. Like you wanted to see it through. Did you just victim blame the characters of you? 100%. I victim blamed. No, wait till you see it. Wait. You're like, you idiot. Let's be real. I won't. Yeah. No, you have to. You have to. It has to come. It's one of those things that has to come full circle. I haven't seen anything since season one.

I watched all of season one and I loved it, but I haven't seen any of the other seasons. So it's too much. I'm now overwhelmed. Well, I've put Ben onto it. Ben's going to watch all five seasons. And I think it's one of those things that if you've ever watched one or two seasons, just finish it. Just go through, watch them all. So I enjoyed it. It's definitely done. There is no room for another season and there shouldn't be. Like it's run its course. Why do you feel as though it's receiving negative backlash this season versus the other four? I think

Because it's done. I think because it's like we've explored so many storylines and it's almost getting a bit unfathomable now. Like this one is a bit almost a bit fantastical. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's a bit like crazy. But I think Penn Bagley, who is the lead, is brilliant. Like he's very good and I think he was perfectly cast. He'll always be Dan from Gossip Girl. Totally. I saw that he went on Call Her Daddy last week as well. So, yeah. Let's not promote the biggest podcast in the world. No, I'm joking.

He'll be on Life Uncut next week. Keisha, what's your vibe? My vibe for this week is because I traveled internationally a week and a half ago. And this is something that I've had for the past, I reckon, maybe 11 years. And it's a travel money card. Now, mine are through the Commonwealth Bank because I bank with them. And this is not an ad. I have had these cards for as long as I can remember.

I remember not paying for them. So I'm assuming that that's because I am a CommBank member already. I don't know how much it would cost to just get one of these if you don't bank with them, but I can't imagine it being much. Basically, it's a prepaid visa card and it means that you get no international transaction fees. So the way it works for me is that it just pops up as an additional bank account in my set of bank accounts. So I can transfer immediately and I can also transfer out of it immediately if I was to lose one of the cards or whatever.

I load it with Australian money. Whenever I use it in no matter what country I'm in, if I haven't preloaded that particular currency, it will just take the day exchange rate for that day and it will just transfer it on the spot. So I always put just Australian money in it. I'm sure if you were smart enough or if you were kind of checked in enough to notice when there was a really good exchange rate, you can actually convert some of the money into like Euro or, you know, British pound or whatever it might be that you need.

I'm not really that organized though. So I just go with the day rate. It's really, really easy, no international transaction fees. So yeah, I've been using them for as long as I've traveled internationally. And I was just reminded about it because we went on the weekend and my boyfriend was talking about having to unlock his credit card. And I was like,

Oh, no, don't worry about that. Like we'll just use the travel cards. You know, it's pretty safe. You can just put a small amount of money in there. And like I said, if there was ever an emergency and you needed a large amount of money because I can just transfer immediately, it's really convenient for me. So, yeah, if you're traveling and you want a travel money card, I really recommend the CommBank ones. I'm sure that other banks would have their own version. That is to be fair.

my number one Achilles heel. So if you go to Indonesia or you're traveling through Bali, the ATMs work differently there. So in Australia, they give you your card back, then they give you your cash. That's how they work. In Indonesia, they give you your cash, then they give you your card. And you walk away without your card. And then it says, the problem is, is it doesn't cancel the transaction. Something pops up on screen, which says, do you want to continue with your transaction? And all it takes is for someone to be behind you, go and press yes.

So the amount of times where I, and it's actually embarrassing how many times it's happened because you would think I would learn. I have lost my card and I have had lots of money deducted from my account, which I then had to go through insurance for. It's been an absolute ball ache. And it's usually because I've had a few ones and I'm out of the club and I'm getting money out. Just tap, get a card.

You can tap. It's also if you don't have to have the cash on you, which in Bali I usually do get some cash because some places are there and they take cash. But if you don't have to have the cash on you, you can just tap your card at restaurants and that kind of thing, which is great. So I am with ING. ING, if you guys are with them, they're a bank that, like,

doesn't have an actual physical bank so it's like all online but they don't charge transaction fees for international so anywhere in the world that you are that you want to tap well what it does is it charges it but then puts it straight back in so that's also like a good thing too okay well look I have a recommendation guys over the Easter holiday a really good friend of mine Mel she came and she was she spent Easter with us her and her little boy and her husband Enzo and we had a

great time as friends and she has thanks it's just not swinging or thanks for the clarification my recommendation is friends very very platonic friend hang out get your keys and a bowl we've always renovated this house down south so she can just go have sex parties she hasn't told us yet no look the reason why i'm recommending it is because she has an instagram page she's a fantastic cook like an exceptional cook and she has an instagram page where she has really awesome

snacks, foods that she creates. But a lot of them are great if you're a parent and you're wanting to get like healthy meals or healthy snacks for your kids. I'm talking muffins. I'm talking like faux sweet treats that aren't actually sweet treats. They've been created in a really incredibly healthy way. The recipes are really simple. And this recipe that I want to recommend is one that she made for the kids on Easter day. It

was a pancake recipe. And now I am pretty bad with cooking. I'm like a go to the shops, get a water pancake mix that you shake up and down and pour it out. Yeah, obviously that's what I'd do. Whereas that horrified Mel. Yeah.

So firstly, the Instagram page for you to all go and follow is called PW Pantry. That's where she has all of her recipes. The food looks absolutely insane. But this specific recipe, and I'm going to read it out to you guys so you can kind of like jot it down now. It's two eggs, one large banana. Are you going to say the recipe? It's easy. There's only like six ingredients. Hear me out. Give me time. Two eggs.

One large banana, three quarter cup of oats, half a teaspoon of baking soda, a tiny bit of cinnamon and a few dashes of coconut milk. Then you add whatever vegetable you want. So she added spinach to it. You could add zucchini or you could add beetroot and whatever. Or pancake. Yeah. Hear me out though. Whatever vegetable you add is the color. So if you want pink pancakes, add a bit of beetroot. If you want green pancakes, which is what we had, she added spinach.

blitz it all in just a Nutribullet, like just chuck all those ingredients in, smash it in a Nutribullet and you have the most amazing, delicious, healthy pancakes for kids. Now don't stress if you didn't write Laura's recipe down, we will link it in the show notes. We will, but I specifically now have this printed out and put in our fridge. Mel makes it like twice a week and I am following, I'm following in Sue because I can't cook, but I can cook this.

And I'm proud of myself. So, yeah, go give it a follow. PW Pantry, especially if you're a mom and you're wanting to like – or a parent and you're wanting to make better food for your kids, I recommend it so much. She's a fucking great cook. Anyways, let's get into the questions. Let's go.

Question number one. Five months ago, my fiance and I broke up. We have a 1.5 year old, one and a half year old boy together and are doing our best to stay civil for our child. When we broke up, my ex asked that I introduce any new partners or potential stepdads to him, my ex, before I introduced them to our son. I agreed immediately.

And I ask for the same in return. But I recently met a really nice guy who has major potential to be my future. But it has me thinking that I want to experience what he is like around and with my son before I tell my ex and I'm seeing someone. I have mixed emotions as I do understand where my ex is coming from. But I also don't want to have to tell my ex when I'm seeing someone as this could potentially just happen again and again and again if this guy doesn't work out.

Please help a girl out. What do you think is the best option here? I'm happy to have the conversation with my ex if the situation needs to change, but I genuinely don't know what to do. I obviously have never been in this situation, but I have pretty clear, strong feelings about it. And I think absolutely you need to stick by the agreement you've had with your ex. If you have said to your ex that,

both of you have agreed that you are going to make sure you're introducing everyone before you introduce them to the child, then you stick by that. And I don't even think that's something that you should have to stick by because you've said you've signed it. I think that that's something you should do anyway out of respect. Like you would want the same thing. So I think if you flip the tables, if you found out that he didn't

had his new girlfriend and she had been around your kids for months before you knew, I imagine you would flip. You would be like, I don't know who this person is that is hanging around. And I think that he would feel exactly the same. I don't think there's much room for discussion here. And especially if you want to maintain a really civil co-parenting relationship, you can't be breaking the first major and most important rule that you've set as a co-parenting couple

Totally. Look, that doesn't mean that you can't reassess the rules. Totally. You are absolutely allowed to have a conversation with your ex where you're like, hey –

I want to talk about this decision that we made because I don't know if I fully agree with it. Have a conversation about it. But you don't get to just lie and then make up a new rule because you've decided that now it doesn't suit you anymore. And I think that it's a lack of respect to your ex-partner. It's a lack of respect to your co-parenting arrangement that you have settled on. And also if it is your priority to ensure that you maintain this really civil respect for each other and also like –

you know, for how you're going to navigate this next period of life. I really think you owe it to honoring the agreements that you made. I also just like, I want to say, I understand that you're at a point where you're like, I don't want to just have to tell my ex about every single person I'm seeing. And also you don't have to tell your ex about every single person you're seeing.

But you also don't have to introduce your kid to every single person you're seeing either. I think, and I know, firstly, I know it's really hard when you have a really young child to find the time to date. And often that means that kids get introduced to new partners earlier than maybe you might want to. But also I would really recommend thinking about what works best for

for you, but also is going to be the best thing for your kids later on. Because yes, your boy is only 1.5 years old. Stop saying 1.5. I can't take you seriously. Yes, he's only one and a half, which means that he's not verbal enough to tell his dad. That's how you're going to get away with it. But there will come a time where this kid registers that mom has a lot of friends that she's introduced to. And I say this, and maybe I have a bit more of a bias, I guess is probably the right word. Growing up,

I grew up in a family with lots of divorce. My mom was divorced twice. My dad was also divorced twice. Both of them married three times. And I remember my mom dated, you know, she always kind of had a partner or a boyfriend and a lot of them were really nice. You know, I don't have any animosity around the people that she was dating, but

But you do get introduced to these people that you're dating and then all of a sudden they're no longer a part of your life and there is a weird emotional whiplash that happens and there is this blueprint that you're putting down on your kids and you're creating in your kids around what relationships look like. And I, if I was to ever go through that as a parent,

I definitely don't think I would be introducing my children to anyone until I was absolutely certain that they were worthy of meeting my kids. And that's how I would approach it. Yeah. And I think the difference here is, and I shouldn't say the difference, but I understand what she's saying. Yeah.

What she's saying is I already know that I want him to be part of my future, but the way he is around my son is going to be a very telling sign. And I absolutely agree with that. Like somebody can be amazing, but you need to see the way they act around your kids as a tell. But that doesn't mean you still have to break the rules. Like you still have to do the right thing by your son and by your relationship with this new person and by your relationship with your ex. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I feel like this comes with the territory of having a child and being in a divorced relationship. I understand. I wouldn't want to run to my ex all the time too and have him knowing that I'm seeing someone. Oh, he knows now it failed. Now he knows I'm seeing someone else, but it's just part and parcel. And I think it comes with the territory. It's unfortunate, but you've said, you know, what would we do in that situation? I would be doing the right thing by my ex because it's

If you, and like I have some people very close to me in my life where that relationship between exes and there's kids involved has gone sour and it just sets the tone for the rest of your life. Yeah, 18 years. Yeah. Like until that kid no longer is part of child support, you absolutely ruin your ability to co-parent amicably. Yeah. If you get each other offside early, from my experience of what I've seen, you're

when your parents that have disagreed on something, like when you're co-parenting, you've disagreed on something, people seem to hold on to that a lot more and then they start to use it as tit for tat. So I think you need to be as like,

amicable and honest and open as possible in every relationship because that is what your future depends on. Yeah. And I guess the only thing I want to add to that is like, you know, you've said, I want to see and I want to experience what he is like around and with my son before I tell my ex that I'm seeing someone. Firstly, I probably wouldn't

be just introducing someone that you're quote unquote seeing. I would be introducing someone who you've made a commitment to and you know that there's someone that you're okay. He's not seeing anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone else. We are committed to seeing if this has potential and could work. Firstly, that would be a hundred percent has to be.

And secondly, I don't think your child should be the road test for that. Like, I don't think that you test it out and see how they are with your kid before you have conversations with other people in your life, because it's, it's very possible to sit down and be like, Hey, I am seeing someone. He is a great guy.

at some point I am going to introduce him to, you know, our child. But I want you to know that if that doesn't work out well, my absolute main priority is how he treats our boy. And if he doesn't live up to my expectations around that, he won't be a part of my life. That just once again proves that your priority isn't your dating life. Your priority is your kids. And I think that it's easy for us to sit here and dish out advice. We haven't gone through divorces. We're not

trying to navigate what it's like having a really little kid and also have a dating life. And that's why I wanted to say the caveat of like me having a bias. I know what it's like being a kid and having a parent who is dating and is proactively dating. And it can be really, really hard. It can be really hard.

So yeah, good luck with that one. That's, I mean, and if anyone else is doing it, I would love to know how you've managed to navigate this slide into the DMs because I think this is a question that people are going to have really conflicting experiences and feelings about. I actually don't agree with that. I don't think there's going to be that much conflict with this. I think

Most people say what we've said. If you've had an agreement with your partner, you need to stick to that. Yes, like you said at the beginning of this, if you want to rehash what those rules look like in your separation and the boundaries, then that's fine. But for now, I think it's a pretty black and white statement to say if you've agreed on something with a partner that has a kid involved, that you can't scoot around that and change it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, question number two. Harmless crush when married. Is this normal? I have strong feelings about this one.

I got married recently and absolutely adore my husband. I cannot fault our relationship at all. However, I am a nurse at a hospital and have found myself attracted to one of the surgeons at work. I've always thought he's a massive dilf, which is a dad I'd like to fuck. But I found myself recently thinking about him even when I'm not at work. I would never act on these feelings at all. And I genuinely think they're just like an attraction and lust just because he's sexy.

We do work together quite a bit and I found myself getting excited when he comes in to see his patients or when I'm assisting him in theatre with a surgery for one of his patients. My question is, is this normal? Is it just like a harmless little crush, sort of like a forbidden fruit or a fantasy because I know nothing will ever happen? He is also married and has kids, I should say. It also feels sort of wrong thinking about him when I'm not at work. So is this part normal? Any advice is appreciated. P.S.,

No, this is a bit that gets me. I don't want to tell my husband about this at all because even though it's harmless, I know it will upset him and maybe cause a rift in the relationship for literally no reason. I just want your thoughts about why I keep thinking about this doctor. And when I say thoughts, to be clear, they are mostly sexual, which makes me do think it's just a weird fantasy. Don't tell your husband. Like the husband, right? That shouldn't even

Your husband doesn't need to know. That you're fantasizing about fucking the doctor at work? Yeah, you're allowed to have fantasies. You know, some people, actually no, I was about to say some people might disagree. I fucking doubt it. You are allowed to have thoughts. Thoughts are not real. They are not based in any. Well, they can be.

Yeah, but they're not based in action. Do you know what I mean? There is a very big difference between thinking, oh my God, that guy's hot. That's a fantasy. And that's where it ends. Like you're allowed to have those thoughts and those feelings. I would put money on the fact that your husband's probably had some of them at some point as well.

That is a very, very different experience than going and being like, I'm so attracted to them and pursuing them, right? That's a totally different thing. Don't punish yourself over having a fantasy. Also, probably don't overanalyze it because the more that you try and tell yourself not to think about something, the more you tell yourself that something is forbidden and it's naughty and oh my God, like, am I a bad person for doing this? The more that your brain is going to think about the thing that you're telling yourself you can't think about. Like if I say oranges,

You're not allowed to think about oranges. I bet you right now everyone's thinking about an orange. Like, it's just how the brain works. I was thinking about fucking a doctor. No, I'm joking. With an orange. With an orange, yeah. Was he an orange doctor? No.

Mine is. I was just joking in case Ben was listening. No, but I just think like we're allowed to have fantasies. You're allowed to have a crush. You're allowed to have someone that kind of makes you go, ooh, when they come in at the office. I don't think that that is something that you should be ashamed about or necessarily super, super worried about. Obviously it can err into a territory where it becomes a problem. Sounds like from what you've said it's not there yet. So I would say just don't.

Maybe don't worry about it as much as you are and know that you absolutely don't have to tell your husband thoughts that you're having about a guy that you work with. I feel differently. Oh, you're thinking she needs to tell him. Fuck no. Fuck no.

No, not about that. I thought I made that clear. Don't tell your husband that you've got a crush on, that you think about having sex with someone you work with every day. No, I feel differently that I don't think this is necessarily as harmless as you think. And I want to say this because I have so much skin in the game. I worked in an operating theater for 13 years. I dated doctors. I worked so closely with doctors. I know even the way she's talking about how she assists a doctor in theater. I've been there. I've done that. I've seen it.

The reason I worry about this is because, and I'm not blanket statementing at all. Surgeons are naughty. A lot of surgeons cheat. People that are married with kids, I have seen it.

So many times. My partner, many, many moons ago, I dated a surgeon. He also cheated. You did. Yes. Yeah. I dated a surgeon. He cheated a lot. But also, can we just please put out, there are going to be a lot of people listening to this who are married to surgeons or who are surgeons and they don't cheat. That's why I said it's not a blanket statement. It's not a, if you're a surgeon, you're a cheater. Look, a lot of people cheat. Yeah. Yeah. There are stereotypes that exist in the medical world for good reason. Stereotypes exist in a

They exist in military. Do you know what I mean? Like there are a lot of stereotypes and there are reasons for this. Well, the thing with stereotypes is, and I just want to say this just as much, there are a lot of surgeons I know with families that are the best husbands and dads ever. Like I'm not saying they all do it.

The reason these stereotypes in things like aviation and things like surgeons exist is because the opportunity exists. Surgeons work 24 hours a day. They're always on call. They sleep at hospitals. It's just they're married to their job, right? And so I'm not blanket statementing. And they're also potentially –

people that are deemed as desirable because of their occupation. So like they may have more opportunities when it comes to dating or it comes to, you know, people being interested in them. But the reason I want to say that I don't think it's necessarily completely harmless, and I'm not saying this because I think that you will do anything. That's not what I'm saying.

But I start to worry about this situation because is it normal to like have fantasies about people? Absolutely. Is it normal to imagine having sex with someone else? Sure. Like that is human nature to be attracted to other people. You can appreciate a beautiful human walking down the street or that you work with. Like that's all fine.

I worry about this for you because you start to get really excited when he comes into the room and you think about him outside of work sexually. That is where I'm like, okay, he's taking up too much brain space. When he walks into a room and you're with a patient or something, you're physically in contact with him and having these interactions. And it's normal to like want to flirt a little, people flirt all the time. And it's normal to have that.

right? When you're going home to your husband and you're finding those intrusive thoughts coming into your personal life and it's still sexual, that's when I start to worry because that's when my personal opinion is

If you've just married somebody, another man that you have contact with every single day shouldn't be infiltrating your home life and your home thoughts. Like fantasies, you can't help what you dream about and you can't help the way you feel when someone walks into a room. But if you are starting to develop those feelings, and let's be real, unfortunately, we exist in a society, especially in hospitals, where people

It could be more likely than not that you spend more time at work with this person than your husband. Like some people go to work for 12, 14 hours. You come home, have dinner and you go to sleep. Like there's a high chance you might be interacting more on a day-to-day level with this person and maybe that's why the thoughts infiltrate more. But I know you can't say I'm not going to think about him but you can definitely consider

control your interactions at work and the way you interact and you can definitely try and draw that line again and make it a bit more professional. I would be personally trying to do that. I guess that's my question though, because there's nothing in here that she has said that implies that the way that she is behaving or they are interacting is

anything but professional. There's no indication of flirting. And if there was, she would have said that. She hasn't said that there's flirting. She hasn't said that there is anything that he's doing or she is doing to indicate a feeling of like, oh my God, he's so hot. Do you know what I mean? Of course not. But there's always a line that you can draw more in a room if you are

I am going to assume there is flirting. That's an assumption. Totally. Which if there is, then that's a line that's been crossed. And like I'm going off what's been written in this and that is not indicating any flirting. So I'm like I don't see this as like a massive red flag that you need to do anything about right now. If things change, absolutely. But my kind of big take home from this is like you're aware of it

you're very conscious that you're not going to act on it. You're also saying you're very conscious that he's not going to act on it. And it is just an internal thought. And so I'm kind of like, well, if it's just an internal thought, you're not going to fuck up your career or fuck up your relationship because you had a sex dream about someone and you think about them and it gets you off. Like, I don't know. I'm just kind of like... No, but it's more than that. She's not dreaming about him. She's consciously thinking about him at home. And she even says like...

I'm starting to be worried. It feels sort of wrong thinking about him when I'm not at work. I understand why you're feeling that way because you have realized that it has crossed a line personally for you. I'm not saying you've crossed a line, but like you have recognized that, oh, okay, I've taken this home with me now. Also weird to think about him sexually when you're at work though. So like, it's hot, it's hot. Doctors operating and stuff. Trust me. Like when you're in there and you're seeing someone save a life, you're like fucking hot.

hot like I understand why people cheat all the time oh yeah but I don't know I'm kind of like she thinks the guy's sexy and then when she's I don't know I'm like not that worried about my boyfriend has scrub caps that have his name printed on the front of them they're not hot I disagree I think a surgeon is so hot yeah scrubs their crocs in there they're saving lives like there's some when you are seeing someone save a life it is hot trust me even if they're not hot

the situation's hot. You're like, oh, you just like literally brought that person back. That was cool. I would be interested to chat to someone who's like a sexologist about this because I think that people do need alternate stimulation. I'm sure that there are other people out there who can't just get off only thinking about their husband and from time to time would be like, I saw that hot guy and now I have a fantasy about this. It doesn't make it real is my thing. No, but I agree with that.

But that's not the same person that you see every day. It's not the fantasy that you get off. It's not Jason Momoa once and then the next is Leonardo DiCaprio. This is a real-life person that you're in contact with that it could happen with realistically and it's the same stimulus. That's where my worry comes from. Like if Ben told me that he was getting off sometimes, like if I asked him, he's like, yeah, sometimes I think of Scarlett Johansson or –

Or sometimes I think of a hot actress or something I've seen. If he said that, I'd be like, yeah, okay. If he said, yeah, I think about the girl at work that works at reception at football and I think about her every time, I'd be like, what the fuck? Like you think about someone that you see every day, that's who you're thinking about every night. Yes. Like that's different. Of course. But no one's ever going to tell you their thoughts. What I'm trying to say is, is like I am sure there are people out there who have great relationships and

but they have a specific fantasy that they know they're never going to play out. That would exist. And it doesn't mean that they're bad in their relationship. It doesn't mean that they're not, you know. We'll just disagree on this one. And yes, it would hurt. But the thing is, is Ben might. He's never going to tell you, Britt. He's never. It's not about, that's not.

It's not about the telling. It's about what happens when that has infiltrated your life. You do not know what will happen. I know you said he's married with kids, right? That does not mean that he might not have issues and one day hit on you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the same connection. It doesn't mean that in a year, two years, five years, something's going to change. Like the fact you're saying something

Is it normal to think about the same person sexually at home in my marriage when I see them every day? I'm going to say no. I'm going to say that that one person that has become your fantasy that you connect with every day,

I would start to be trying to peel back from that. Fantasies are normal, yes, but it's different when it could become a reality and you spend so much time with someone. That's where I'm like, okay, you do need to draw a bit of a line in the sand. Yeah, and I guess like the way I sit slightly different on this is that I do believe that fantasies can live as purely fantasies and even if the opportunity presented itself to you that you are able to have enough time

self-preservation and also self-control that even if you had a fantasy, you'd never do it anyway because sometimes fantasies and what actually exists in real life are very fucking different. But the husband thing is weird. Like, yeah, you definitely don't tell him. Don't tell him. Like, that's weird. Like, you just wouldn't.

that would never come up in conversation. Yeah, interesting. Like I said, love to know people's thoughts on this. I absolutely know that there will be people who feel exactly the same as you because the reality is no one would want to know that their partner is having those thoughts and feelings. The reality though on the flip side of it is I bet you a lot of people's partners are but they would never act on it and it doesn't mean that they love you less so let's not conflate thoughts with actual reality either is probably what I'm trying to say. Anyway, okay, question number three. If

Is it rude not to wish kids a happy birthday these days? Are they your own kids? Yeah, that's weird. A happy birthday is still a thing. My son just turned two and I'm a little bit upset at the lack of friends and family that took the time to message me or call to see him and say happy birthday. My partner seems to think that life just gets busy and people sometimes remember but then forget to do anything about it. But I think

that if someone really means something to you, then they have no excuse to make the effort. The over-the-top me makes me not want to take my son to see these people, particularly family members, who can't even say a simple happy birthday to him. Obviously, I would never do that, but still, I just feel sad for him and I'm not really sure why. We answered something similar about the girl that is pregnant and she was upset that not enough friends and family were asking how she is and checking in and

I find this a similar question in my brain. And again, I don't have kids, so I can't imagine how I'm going to feel. Maybe I'll feel very differently when I have kids and if no one calls and says happy birthday. But for me...

It does sound extreme to say I don't want to take my kid to see people that didn't call up and wish him happy birthday. And maybe that's because like I have a, I'm not proud of it, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews that I don't call up for their birthdays either. Like especially- How old are they? At what age do you start? Because there is an age that you should start. Well, what my family has started to do, we're in like a huge family group chat because I have a lot, I have four brothers and sisters. They all have multiple kids. Like there's a lot of kids in my family and we-

start to like video record messages and we put them in the family group chat and then show them and then like the nephews and nieces will video record a message back and then they'll put it in there so that's the way we've started to communicate but at two years old he doesn't know which way he's up he doesn't know if anyone's calling him he's not going to be upset that like I think that

That is an unnecessary stress that you are feeling and putting on yourself and creating by saying, you know what, fuck you. I'm not going to take my kid to see anyone else. But again, I might feel differently when I've had a kid and if no one calls it happy birthday. But for me, it's not a big deal. I don't care if no one calls me on my birthday. Maybe not though. Like I don't care, to be honest. Like I think as your kids get older, you care more because you don't want your kids to be disappointed. Okay.

Everyone is different. I could not care if someone doesn't text me about my kid's first or second or third birthday. Ah, third's probably like they know, but first or second birthday because that text message isn't for them. That's for me. They can't read. I'm going to say, Aunty, Brittany sent you a text message, sweetie.

She doesn't know. Have you never passed that on? I don't think you ever did. I send videos. Yeah, so like if it's a video, obviously Marley and Lola now are older. We sent a video for this last birthday for them. Yeah, they understand. Because now I feel guilty. They understand now. It's different. But I think like when your kids are really, really little, unless like you're actually seeing them or it's a phone call, I kind of think a text is a bit of a –

It's a bit of a lack of effort. I don't think it's care. A text doesn't do anything. Do you think it depends on the proximity? As in like if it's your niece, your nephew, if it's your...

best friend. Do you know what I mean? Like, is it just a friend or does it depend on how close they are to the kids? Also, I came to their birthday party. Totally. And to be fair, it was Tasman, my niece's birthday, like a week and a half ago. And I'd seen her in the days in the lead up, but then I didn't actually see her on her birthday. And I was like, oh, I saw her two days ago. She knows I wished happy birthday. Yeah. Which obviously if my sister cared, she would probably be pissed at me because, you know, technically I probably wasn't a very good auntie, but like,

I mean, she's four and she knows I love her. Actually, how old is she? Yeah, she's four. And she knows I love her. She's something under five. She does the best cartwheels. But I don't know. I think that the offense that you're taking is probably more for yourself than it is for your child. And I understand that as kids get older, you absolutely do not want your children to be disappointed. And, you know, for example, if Nana or –

an auntie or uncle forgot when it was like their actual birthday and they were old enough to know and to be disappointed by it, I'd feel very differently about it. But at the age two, I personally don't care. Other people will. And I think that you're going to have really close relationships with some people who are really excited about a second birthday or a first birthday. And then there's some people who just genuinely birthdays are not a big on their radar. And so it's

It's not something that they think about, you know. I understand why you might want your friends to call or FaceTime or send a video message, but a text message...

about a second birthday or a first birthday does absolutely nothing for the child whose birthday it is. All that is is an acknowledgement that two years ago you birthed a child. So that's a congratulations to you. And that is absolutely fair. You'll have some friends who will do that. But I definitely don't expect that of my friends. I don't care if they message me to say, well done for surviving another year, you poor, poor person. I think the exception to this would be the grandparents. I think if I had a kid and my mum or dad didn't call me

their own grandchild on the kid's birthday, regardless of age, I think I'd be pissed. I agree. But also I'd be pissed if the grandparent just sent a text message. Like if a grandparent didn't show enough initiative to call my kids to even have like a

minute conversation with them or show their face, then I would be like, okay, that's a lack of care. But I think, like I'm saying, I think a text message is the lowest form of effort for a child because it's not for them. Do you know what? You just said that's interesting. You just said, oh, you know, I don't care if someone doesn't call me and say congratulations, like you've survived another year.

A kid's birthday, that doesn't even clock to me that it's you surviving another year. Like don't even think about it. To me, a kid's birthday has nothing to do with the fact that you've kept it alive for another year. A kid's birthday to me is like, oh, they're celebrating their special day. We all get a special day a year. I don't associate that with like, oh, the mum's also getting a congratulation for keeping it alive. Well, it's really funny because like when Marley had her first birthday, we had a big birthday party for Marley. But it was for you being like, okay. Well, yeah, we had a big birthday.

And I was pregnant with Lola and I remember having this moment where I was like, Marley is never going to remember a single bit of this. This is not about Marley. This is about us doing one year of parenting. And, you know, it was all our friends. She's one. She had no friends. So there was no kids there. What a loner. What a loser. Get some friends, Marley. Yeah, her cousins came over but they were also ones. Forced to be there through family connections. She didn't even need. So, like, she just didn't get it. So then when it came to Lola's first birthday party, we were like, what?

We're not going to have one because like she doesn't remember. So now we only do birthday parties that are like actual birthday parties from about three years old. Because like, I don't know. I'm kind of like, what's the, it's expensive and what's the point? But yes, I think first birthdays, that's not a celebration of, I mean, it is. It's a celebration of reaching one, but it's also a celebration of reaching a

A whole year of parenting and surviving what just happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, if you guys don't celebrate in one year. People are going to come for us for that for sure. People are going to be like, fucking Brittany's the worst, aren't you? Maybe me too. I mean, I'm, look. Yeah, you didn't even throw your own kid a birthday. You're worse. I didn't even tell my kid it was their birthday.

You also lie to them. That's financially savvy. No, I know. I told her eventually, but I was at work. So I didn't want her to like, I didn't want to be like, happy birthday. Mom's going to work. So I just told her on the weekend that it was her birthday. And then she got to have the whole day. I changed the day. That's brilliant. Yeah. I think if your kid's two, you can change the day. They don't know. Lola thinks she's two, not four. She doesn't know how old she is. She doesn't know what weighs up.

up. Okay. Last question. My husband and I have been together for five years. When we first started dating, we had super great sex. Over time, I have found that my sex drive has lowered while his is still extremely high. He thinks we have to have sex every single day and complains if we miss a day or two. He'll say he just can't remember the last time we did it. That was in quotations. You're like, hey, 24 hours ago.

Then he wants to play catch up and have it multiple times the next day. Oh my God. So it evens out to being once a day. That is crazy, which isn't often given it's hard to let a day go by without it. I have tried to tell him it's completely normal to only have sex a few times a week, or at least not every day, but he won't have a bar of it. He says, I should feel lucky to have a husband who finds me so attractive. God.

He gets hard every time we're in bed together. I mean, flattering.

But all I want sometimes is just to have a cuddle and watch TV without him getting his thing out and the expectation of what is to follow. I don't know how to raise this with him because I don't want sex every day. I try jokingly saying it. I try to tell him I'm too tired. I try to get out of it when he starts to initiate it. But at the end of the day, I don't want to hurt his feelings and reject him. I do find him attractive and I want to have sex, but not as often as he does. To be honest, it's just exhausting."

That's insane. This is such a hard question to answer. Not as hard as him. Look, it's a really hard question to answer because I understand that

the way that you feel in terms of like that duality between like I don't want to disappoint but also I don't want to do something I don't want to do and at the end of the day the main and most important message is like if you don't want to have sex you should not feel pressured into having sex with anyone it doesn't matter if it's your husband it doesn't matter if he feels this though like you know it's this high sex drive and he's you know you should be flattered or or grateful

I don't want to create a bigger problem for you in terms of the language I use around this, but there's something to me that is like really, really makes me really uncomfortable that he can't accept that there are days where you don't want to have sex with him. And he either guilt trips you into it or pressures you into doing it anyway. And I know that like you've said, like you find him attractive and you obviously love your husband and I'm sure he's great in every other way. But there is something about that that gives me a massive ick towards his behavior around sex and his feelings of entitlement to sex.

because he doesn't have that entitlement to you and he doesn't have that entitlement to your body and he should not feel as though sex is something that he has the right to every single day. I think it's important to note here that it is in fact not normal to have sex every day in a long-term relationship. You are the minority if you are having sex every day and it's

it is amazing if you are having sex every day and both of you want that. But I think setting the precedent of saying that it's normal in a long-term relationship is actually not. Ben and I don't even have sex every day when we see each other and that's after months of not seeing each other. Yeah, but there's no also, I agree, but there's also no

compromising this, this expectation that if you haven't had sex every day that you have to catch up. Like this has become an obligation for you. And the more that sex becomes an obligation, the less that you're going to enjoy it. It's not surprising to me that your sex drive is decreasing and his hasn't changed, but there's a real imbalance that's happening here. And you've tried the, you know, being nice and having like a funny chat.

I actually think you need to have a little bit more of a direct conversation. You can cater to his feelings. I'm not saying you don't have to do that, but saying just because I don't want to have sex one night, you shouldn't take that to offense. You shouldn't take that as though that's a personal hit to you. And sometimes...

I am tired or I have a headache or whatever it is, but I shouldn't then be in debt to you to make that up. That's an unfair expectation on me. Yeah. Sex debt's not a thing. It's not a thing. It doesn't exist. Thank you. Yeah. The more I think about it, the bigger the ick is that I have. To me, I can't stress enough that if you are in this position that you've chosen this life partner, you are married and you do not want to have sex. That doesn't have to be a conversation where you have to joke around or you don't know how to navigate it. It doesn't have

to be a huge deal but it's a conversation that you should feel comfortable having you should be able to say hey do you know what I really don't want sex every single day it's not that I don't want sex with you yeah our sex drives are different can we meet in the middle can we do it a few days a week if you continue to make me feel like I have to do it I can tell you what is going to happen I'll be going for well I'm going to want it less and I think communicating these issues is

It's normal to have different sex drives. And I would maybe have a different opinion if you were saying, I want to have sex once every four months. I don't have a sex drive. What do we do? But you are still wanting to have it multiple times a week. And to me, that is like a completely normal compromise. Have the conversation with him really honestly, because it's going to push you away further. You will resent him. You will get the ick. You will want it less. So just say, hey, I love you. I'm so attracted to you.

I don't have sometimes the energy or mental capacity to do it every single day. My sex drive is obviously a little bit smaller than yours. Masturbate. If he really needs to do it every day, masturbate. I completely agree. And this idea of like you don't want to hurt someone's feelings or you don't want them to feel rejected.

I understand why you feel that way, but you are not responsible for his reaction to you saying that you don't want to have sex with him on one or two occasions. It's different if you were rejecting every single advance and he was like, I'm trying here and you don't want to. You also can do that. Like, you know, there are people in relationships and that happens and like you don't have to have sex at any point that you don't want to.

but I also don't want him to turn around. And I know you haven't said this, but this does happen in relationships. People use rejection and they use their feelings of hurt as a manipulation tool to get you to still do the thing that they want you to do. That's fucked. Like you should be able to say, I'm not in the mood tonight without fear of them playing the rejected card or playing the feelings hurt card. And that's,

I think a lot of people would have been in that situation. I've absolutely been in the situation where I've been then guilt tripped into feeling as though I've hurt their feelings. And so then I found myself having sex with them anyway, and I didn't really want to do it because we, especially as women, we worry so much about hurting people's feelings. And we often deprioritize what we want because we don't want to upset someone. And I can think about

Oh, fuck, it makes me actually feel sick thinking about it. I have absolutely had sex with people that I didn't want to have sex with because I didn't want to upset them. You don't want to do that with your husband and that's okay. Can I just add a layer to this, Lourdes, that I think exists so much and I am talking stereotypically.

I think a lot of the time in these types of conversations, the next layer becomes, well, it's a need for me. I need to have sex every day. There are actually a lot of studies on this. Biologically, not true. People do not need to have sex every day, regardless of gender, regardless of sex drive. It is not a need.

And I think a lot of the time when they start to turn really toxic, that type of communication of, well, I want to have sex more. If you're not going to give it to me, I'll have to find it somewhere else. And I think that that can almost be a little bit of, like you said, a manipulation technique and a threat of like, well, if you're not going to put out for me, I will find it in some other way. Yeah. And I don't want to imply that that's what this person is going to do. I know that I've jumped to there, but like he can masturbate.

Totally. You know, like I just think that so many times, and I have friends that are in this position and I've heard of conversations that they have had with their partner where it's like, well, you know, I'm wanting it from you. So that's a good thing. I'm not, you know what I mean? It's really great. Very, very disgusting language. But I think it's more common than what many people may realize. He knows everything.

He knows it is not normal to have sex every day. Every single man knows that it is not normal in a long-term relationship to have sex every day. So if he, all he has to do is go and ask any one of his friends in a group, how many times a week do you guys have sex? How many times, how often are you having sex? Yeah.

He's using that against you 100%. And I'm not saying this to say he's a bad person. We don't even know him. My angle is not here to go and say he's a bad person. My angle here is to say it is okay for you to stand your ground and it's not offensive to say to your husband, I don't want to have sex today. Again, if you were not wanting to have sex for a year, I would say, yeah, that's something that you should go and work on together and sort out.

because there are levels of different people having needs, like maybe see a sex counsellor or work out the problem. But this is like you're still doing it four times a week, five times a week.

Just tell him, just be like, this is not cool for me. I'm not enjoying it as much. And I think the big take home from this is like sex is not an obligation and he is not entitled to it. And you do not have to play catch up. Like, and the fact that you feel as though you do speaks about the way that he approaches sex because he has made you feel like you owe him these things or he's going to be bummed.

but hurt and feel rejected. That says a lot about his emotional, you know, his EQ, not about, and the state of how he views sex rather than actually what's going on in this relationship. And, you know, I really want to reiterate, we're not saying that you have a bad relationship. We're not saying that your husband's a fucking bad guy. Like, yes, of course it is great that he wants to have sex with you and you guys have a relatively matched libido normally, but don't feel as though you owe something to him when you don't want to do it. Yeah.

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