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cover of episode Ask Uncut - He Cheated On The Annual Boys Trip & Wants To Go Again

Ask Uncut - He Cheated On The Annual Boys Trip & Wants To Go Again

2025/4/27
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Life Uncut

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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut and guess what, we're back. I bet you missed us so much. It was only a week to be fair. A week and a day. Let's not begrudge ourselves. And a day. A week and a whole day of episodes. People have been desperate. I feel like they're not going to like being called desperate. Yeah.

A week and a half without podcast material. I'd love to know what everyone was doing with their lives. I loved it. I'm not going to lie. I missed you guys. But like sometimes we need a breather. Yeah, that's because you were in Italy. No, it's because we've done 800 episodes and sometimes we just need one week off talking. It's because you see us every day. We know you're sick of us towards the end, but that's okay. A little refresh. How are you feeling now? I'm feeling good. Brittany's like, I'm still sick of you.

Yeah, so starting a bit a week. It wasn't long enough. It takes longer than a week. Look, guys, as you know, this is our Ask Uncut episode, so we're answering your questions. We are not catching up on the break that was, but it was a hell of a break that was. Lots happened. We both have updates. Brittany, you've been away frolicking, and I was down the coast in Ulladulla with Matt for the majority of the time. Also drinking mimosas in between. I was absolutely not. I was just parenting two kids that were on school holidays, and

Because I was so excited to have school holidays. I was so excited for quality time with the girls and it was amazing. But Britt, you said you were like, I'm going to ask you that question at the end and whether you are happy for them to go back to school. And I was like, happy to see them come, happy to see them leave. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, thank you, next. Well, guys, like I said, we're going to catch up on Wednesday, but we have some very big news to share with you on Wednesday. Some very big news. It is an episode that you don't want to miss.

Yeah, very excited. Don't want to wait till the next day. 5am, set your alarm because we have an announcement and it's very, very exciting. And it's coming on Wednesday. If you want to speculate away, speculate away. Am I still in Italy? Am I never moving home? Maybe.

I'm going 5am. I thought we scheduled the episodes for 6. You know what? Just because it's a real special one, we'll schedule it for 5. I reckon there are some early rises. There are people at the gym at 5am. I reckon this day only, one day only, it's a 5am release. Do you know what? Just before we went on break, I cannot remember which episode it was, but I checked at 6.15 and we had scheduled it for 6am. 3,700 people had listened.

By like 620. And I was like, who are you people? I reckon...

Why have you got it so together? I reckon we can start at like 5.30. Okay. The early gym bunnies. Yeah. I mean, it depends on who's scheduling the episodes because I do five, but you do six. So that's okay. I'm happy to do five. Let us know. We might do a poll. Okay. We did a survey last year. But the 6am people don't care if it's out at five. The 5am people care if it's out at six. You know what? I reckon 90% of people don't care about this conversation at all.

Well, you're going to care on Wednesday. You're going to care on Wednesday. That's all we're going to say. Yeah. So like, look, it's going to be a very big episode. We're very excited for it. Anyway, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes before we answer your hot questions. Brittany, what is your vibe or your unsubscribe for the week? Okay. My vibe seems like something very simple, but one very smart person has made this into a really big business. So it is called Contour Cube.

Content cubes. So I am one of those people that I love –

cold water or ice on my face. I wake up really puffy and I used to always go and get an ice cube and I used to put the ice cube under my eyes like while I'm walking around doing things for the first five, ten minutes of the morning. The water drips down your arm. It goes into your, it makes like your clothes wet, drips all over the floor. It's a whole thing. So the contour cube is literally a silicone like contraption that's maybe three inches long. It comes in half, pulls apart. You fill it with water and then you freeze it.

And it's almost like an icy pole, but you take it out in the morning, you take half off and you've got a silicone cup that you're holding and you can just rub it on your face. It's like a popsicle, but it's not messy. And you can also put different serums in it. It's the most simple hack.

But this person that created it, I remember years ago they went on Shark Tank. It's genius. It's absolutely blown up. I'm pretty sure Kendall Jenner got their hands on it and it like blew up off the back of that. So it's a big ice cube in silicon. It's so basic, but I wish I wasn't impressed as I am because of how basic it is. But it has actually just been so much easier for me because I usually walk around walking

putting ice cubes. So it's so simple. It's called contour cube. Right. What's your vibes and unsubscribes, Keish? I actually reckon I would get a question about this at least once every two days into my Instagram DMs. For people who may not know, I'm quite a big bust gal and I

A lot of women, especially if you're bigger busted, it can be really hard to find a strapless bra that is like comfortable and still holds things up and in. And you often have to pick between whether you want like a padded version that's going to really push them up as far as they can to your neck, which has to be so tight that it cuts into your back. Or you have to go for one that's like really full coverage and it will often have like five clips at the back.

so they don't look very good and they often don't look good under clothing. Nala is a brand that I have been a fan of for years and years and years. I actually have previously, like years ago, vibed one of their like bralettes because they make them in all sizes and I've spoken about how their inclusive marketing is absolutely phenomenal. They brought out versions of strapless bras a couple of months ago and I've actually bought both of the types.

I do prefer the padded kind. And when I say padded, I don't mean like push up padded. I just mean like there's a layer that gives you the right shape or the shape that I like to have in clothing. Also, it means that there's like a bit of nipple coverage. So there's no lumps and bumps. Yes. I also have the version that doesn't have padding and it's

I actually would say that that version is probably a bit more comfortable, but I have been wearing the padded version more. I think it's really reasonably priced. It's $59 and they've got a couple of colors available, lots of different sizes. It's a Melbourne-based Australian business, which we love. So yeah, that has been my strapless bra that I've been wearing. I've actually been wearing it

I'd say at least twice a week, which for me beforehand, I would avoid strapless bras like they had the plague on them because it's just not comfortable. It's not perfect. Like, yes, I have to pull it up every now and then, especially if I'm wearing something that kind of drags my back down. But it is the best version of a strapless bra that I have probably ever worn. Wow. I need a new strapless bra. I also, I have the same strapless bra that I think I bought

maybe eight years ago. That's how long I've had it. And do you know what mine's done? It's so annoying. Mine's like, you know, when the

underwire breaks through and it keeps coming up and it just cuts into your boobs. Both sides do that. And I don't know, I just don't get new ones. Why do we persevere for so long? That's the real question. Well, it seems like none of us did anything highbrow during our holiday, nor did we read anything or consume anything. I had supported titties. Or did we do anything of any interest? My recommendation is an app. It's called Hey You. Keisha and I were actually talking about it in the car this morning. So I came across this app.

because recently I was at my local cafe. It was pretty busy. I'd stood in line. I ordered my coffee and then I was waiting and I was waiting and I was waiting and I was waiting and I waited so damn long for my coffee to be made. But as I was waiting, all these people kept just like popping out of their cars during like peak school run time, walking up to counter and grabbing their coffee and going. And I was like, I'm sorry. I know that they've ordered on some app.

I know it. I was like, but I'm the chump in this equation. So it's Hey You, like H-E-Y-Y-O-U. You can go on there. Yeah, not the streamer. No, not Hey You. But like basically go on there. You can search for your local cafes. For me, it's a cafe called Shook.

and basically the whole menus are on there or you can just get your coffee run on there so what you can do is if you're wanting if you're somebody picks up a coffee on the way to work and you can't really find somewhere to park or you gotta pull up and it's inconvenient xyz you can order it it'll tell you when it's being made it'll tell you exactly when that coffee's being made and put down and so you can run straight in grab it it's already prepaid all in the app as well i use it

all the time now. And honestly, I'm constantly surprised by how many different cafes and restaurants are already on this. Yeah, it's fantastic. Or if you just want to get takeaway and you're on your way somewhere, you can just put it into the app and off you go. It's great. Or if you're running late and your boss is there to pick you up. And you want a coffee, you can order it from home and pick it up on your way so that you do not delay your day. Perfect. The end. Love that. Let's get into your questions. Questions.

Question number one. I have a no-win situation. My partner cheated on me last year on his annual boys trip, and we have worked really hard to move on and make amends. He just started talking about where they're going to be going for this year's boys trip, and I am devastated. I don't want to tell him not to go because I don't think it's right to tell someone what they can or can't do, but I'm pretty disappointed that after everything, he's choosing to go again.

What do I do? If I was him and I had cheated on the annual boys trip, my relationship could have been lost on that.

I don't think I'd be going on the annual boys trip again. I think I'd be doing everything I could to make my partner feel safe and loved and validated and all of those things. But okay, I'm not him. And he's obviously making the choice to go. This is really hard because my initial reaction is I absolutely agree. Like if that was Matt and he had gone on a holiday on his annual boys trip and he had cheated on me and I had

forgiven him and I had worked really hard on rebuilding trust and he had done all the things X, Y, Z. And then he was like, hey, honey, this year we're off to Japan. I would find it incredibly challenging to be okay with the fact that he was going away with the same boys, the same group of people, the same environment, the same thing as what he had been on when it had happened before. Yeah, not cool. The only thing is, is like I very much agree that if you've decided to rebuild trust,

if you decided to stay in a relationship

and you've decided to work through it, you also can't continue to bring up something and say, well, you did this last year, so therefore you can't do this. There is a level of acceptance and I'm not going to say accepting the cheating, not that, but like you can't continue to punish and expect that he's going to do the same behavior if he's promised to not do it and you've chosen to stay. The only thing is, is the fact that he hasn't seen this as a red flag himself, the fact that he hasn't been considerate or really gone, okay, you know what?

I fucked up last year really badly and there's consequences to that. And those consequences are like, I know I really want to go on this boy's trip, but I'm not going to do it because I know it's going to make my partner upset. Like I think that that is a shit thing that he hasn't just thought of voluntarily. However, it's not to say that if you don't sit down and have a conversation, not telling him you can't go, but telling him how you feel about it, he won't come to that conclusion himself. I agree wholeheartedly. If you are accepting that,

cheating and to move on and to be in that relationship, then it can't be something you constantly bring up. Having said that, I personally think you absolutely can say, sorry, I'm not going to be happy with you doing the exact same thing with the same people in the same situation where it happened. You can move on in a relationship and trust and be okay with it and accept it.

But recreating the identical situation that got you into that trouble in the first place is, I think, okay for you to put that boundary and say, hey, we are going to move on. It is okay. But do I feel comfortable with you doing the exact same thing again? No, I don't. Yeah, this is a massive trigger for me. Yeah, that's a conversation that I think you absolutely can have. Do you go to him and say you can't go on the trip? No, I don't think that's the right way to go about it because he's going to get –

and he will bring up those things and push that back in your face, I have no doubt. There's also big questions to me, though, that I have. Because, like, obviously this question doesn't have all of the facts in it. My question is what happened with the cheating? Were the friends cool with it? Were they complicit? Were the friends –

egging it on. But like, you know what I mean? Like, did the friends know that it happened? Did the friends know that you found out? Yeah. Were they trying to cover it up like this? I'm not blaming the friends. This is absolutely his thing and his cross to carry. But you do have friends that are accepting of that behavior and you have friends that absolutely hold up a mirror to you and say, Hey, you know what? You fucked up on this trip. That was not okay. You know, like, and I know that that's probably on the rarest side of some relationships. Was this the case in this instance?

Or did you find out and it was like downplayed and everything else? Because that's going to also impact your feeling of security around him hanging out with these friends. I just don't think you're ever going to feel overly secure again on an annual boys trip with your partner going away with his friends at a place that he cheated on you. Like even you can do all the work you can. You can trust him wholeheartedly. I'm sure there is going to be that feeling every single time he goes away in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it's in the background or it's a subconscious feeling. And I think that that's okay to have that feeling.

But you do need to be able to voice it. Like it's not fair on you to say, you know what? I accepted it. I've put myself in this situation. Not when it's an identical trigger. Yeah. When I very first read this, I was like, this is really shit, but you can't tell him what to do.

But the more that I think about it, the more I'm like, you know what? You can't tell him what to do. You don't have control over him, but you can tell him that this is not a decision that you were okay with and something that you actually think is pretty disrespectful considering what happened last year. And I actually think you have to tell him that. And that's not you being overbearing. That's not you overstepping the mark. It's actually putting a boundary in place and having some self-preservation around what's going to impact you. Because think about it.

he's going to go away. You're going to worry yourself sick. You're going to be so riddled with anxiety and then he's going to come home. And what impact is that going to have on your relationship when you cannot get it out of your head that you don't know what happened on that trip? Like, will you be able to be fine with it? Or will this be something that adds to the insecurity and puts you backwards in terms of you repairing the damage that he did on the last boys trip? And I think he needs to

come to a bit of a compromise if he wants to make it work with you and make amends the boys trip is a boys night you're not away for the weekend you're not overseas you go and have a night with your friends where you've gone to dinner because he's always going to do that you're always going to allow that and that's actually okay you know you can't control him to the point where it's like you're never to be alone with your friends again or without me that's crazy but this is the identical situation that got you in the first place have the conversation you're

And say, I know I can't tell you what to do, but I do need to tell you how this makes me feel. I'm deeply upset and unsettled by it. I don't feel comfortable with it. Is there another way around this? Like it would mean more to me if you could continue to show me that you are –

trying really hard to make me feel comfortable and confident and that situation isn't making me feel comfortable and confident. I think there's a big difference between control and consequences. You're not being controlling. He's actually having to have the consequences of his own behavior and his own actions. I don't think you're controlling by saying, hey, I'm actually not comfortable with it because look at what happened last time.

And I had to go through a lot of emotional distress because of what you did last time. This is now a consequence of your behavior. Yeah, I don't think you can say this is a consequence for your behavior. I think it's like, hey, you did this. This caused so much emotional distress for me. The fact that you are entertaining the idea of going and it hasn't occurred to you how upsetting that would be to me.

It shows me that you haven't understood the magnitude of the situation. And I know that we've gone a long way and we've made a lot of progress, but I'm not at a place yet where I feel comfortable with you going on a boys trip. I don't trust this environment. That's a much healthier way to say it. And I'm not there yet. And the thing is, you might get there. Take that advice.

You might get there. This is not you banning him from going on boys trips for the rest of your relationship. You can't do that. But it might be in two or three years time. You feel like you've reached there. You're not at that destination yet. And that's okay. And I don't think you should feel guilty for the fact that you haven't reached Nirvana in your forgiveness journey. That's all right. Yeah, 12 months later. Yeah, totally. All right. Question number two. How do I ask my boyfriend to stop playing with my breasts when I'm trying to relax or I'm trying to clean? He adores them, which is great.

The old titty grab. The old bypass titty grab. Before we cut to the chase of like you just got to have a conversation with him. Okay.

Okay, can I say. Should we change the name of this podcast to just be. Just have a conversation with a guy. No, but let me be honest. The amount of times where Matt would just like grab my ass or pretend to stick his finger in my ass or like grab me from the front. I mean, that's extreme. Like anytime I walk past, he just like grabs a part of me

which is like it's joking and it's like, you know, a bit endearing and sometimes it's flirty and sometimes I'm in the mood. He can't gauge when I am or I'm not in the mood because sometimes I'm like great and other times I'm like fuck off. Please don't stick your fingers in my butt as I'm walking past. It's really annoying. I don't imagine that that's ever not annoying. Sorry, but like if you ran up to me and stuck your finger in my butt at any time of day. It's not in my butt. He like sticks his hand underneath so it's like between my legs but it's like right.

Oh, no, sometimes my hands are like in the butt. Truly, I reckon this would be minimum 10 times a day. He puts his finger in your butt 10 times a day. Guys, what the fuck? What the fuck? It's like I'm being long distance forever.

Sad by how quickly mine came on and I can't get it to go away. You just say stop fingering my butt. He just loves it. He thinks it's endearing and he thinks it's funny. Okay, here, Keisha, put your finger up his butt ten times a day. I do. Look, let's be clear. He's not just jamming his finger in my butt. It's not doing it in a way that's like painful. It's just sometimes annoying because I'm not in the mood for it. It's just a cheeky butt grab or a cheeky, yeah, which...

Okay, the opposite side to this is that if he stopped doing it in entirety, I would miss it because I would feel like he wasn't giving me affection. I know. You guys are so messed up. But this is the thing. There is no way to win. But it's also, it's like hard to read the room as to when someone is after affection, right? Because sometimes it's spontaneous and cute and other times, and that's exactly what she's saying. She's like, sometimes I really enjoy it. Other times it's super annoying. So...

how do I have the conversation with him? And I'm like, in my mind about this, I'm like, you can tell him that sometimes you find it annoying, but you have to understand that it's also a hard room to read. Right. And that's why I don't get angry and mad about it. And that's why like, I hope anyone listening to this isn't like, oh my God, set boundaries. That's fucking annoying. I get it. Like I, yes, absolutely. And when I'm touched out from my kids and I've had a bad day and like things are stressful, I don't enjoy it. But when we're

having a really fun and like we're joking around there's nothing I like more it's a way that I know that he like still finds me attractive it's endearing and it's playful I guess it's just the read of the room as to when a time is appropriate or not and they don't always get that right I also don't always get that right sometimes I try and just grab him by the penis he hates it I do it anyway yeah me too yeah see so we're all part of the problem

I hope that people relate to this and don't just think we're fucked, Gage. Well, I don't know. I think, my gosh. Probably listening being like, you guys really need to stop them doing that if you don't enjoy it. But it's true. If it stopped, I think I'd be like, are you mad at me? Yeah. Why haven't you tried to grab my titties today? That's the favorite part of your day, damn it. That's different. That's different 10 times a day.

Of poking up the butt and grabbing the boobs. That is excessive. We also shower together all the time just because it's convenient. And I think, you know, it'll be a joking thing if you bend down and pick something up. Yeah, that's normal. Like, for example, I'll be in the kitchen and Matt will come up from behind me and pretend to hump me. Oh, my God. Why are they the same?

You know, he'll do it in front of his mum and his mum's just like, you too. I think that stuff is common but I don't think that I get confused when people say they're in a relationship and they're living together and they don't know how to approach the topic. You just say, babe, I've got my period, my boobs are really sore, not today. Like I sometimes find these interesting questions because I'm like, are you uncomfortable with

telling him no? Are you uncomfortable saying that you've got a period? Do you think it's going to offend him? Like, is your relationship quite delicate? Or maybe the partner has a sensitivity to rejection. Yeah. I think saying you've got, you're not saying I don't want to have sex. You're literally saying like, my boobs are so sore right now. Cause I'm on my period. Like

So maybe it's about telling him, having a conversation saying, hey, I love it when you do that. But when I'm on my period, it's tough because my boobs hurt a lot. A lot of men don't understand the physiological changes in your body on your period. Like some people can't be touched on their skin anywhere. And also some people, like it changes. I know you said period, but it also changes like if you had kids and you're feeling touched out. I don't question though when someone says, hey, I don't know how to approach this. And the reason for that is, is like you...

You come to your conversations in your relationships, Britt, with a lot of experience. We've dated a lot. We've had the conversations and for us it doesn't feel like, okay, that's a big thing. But for a lot of people who have very different relationships or relationships where maybe they don't have

as much experience or they just come to it with a different set of their own standards and exposure and everything else. I think everyone is so different in a relationship. I understand that. But my messaging on this podcast, clear as day, if there is any conversation that shouldn't be difficult to approach, it's if you don't want to be touched at a time with your partner. Like there are so many difficult conversations you can have.

But for me, this is one that I don't think needs to be difficult and it's not offensive. So like, and I think that's what you need to make him understand. If you're worrying he's going to be offended by this, it's just more of an explanation about like how fucked your body is feeling at that time. And it's not that you're not attracted to him. It's not that you don't want him to touch you. So maybe it's an explanation for you of like how you feel on your period week or that 10 days or whatever it is.

Then when it is your period time, you don't have to have a conversation. You can be like, hey, period week, he knows. Grab the titty. It's a week that he's, you know, it's a week that he's more available to you in other ways. I think the question that you've actually asked is how do I approach the topic around timing? I think that's exactly like the way in which you have it is specifically

specifically around timing. Like I don't want you to take this as though I don't like it, but there are some times when I love it and there are some times when it feels so annoying and that's because boobs are weird and they respond differently to hormones and, you know, when it's that time of the month I don't or if I'm like in the midst of watching tennis, I'm not in the mood and grabbing my boob is not going to get me in the mood. It's going to get me annoyed. So like please don't, you know, like think about the timing before you do it. Her problem is...

it's annoying because it does get her in the mood. She's like, damn it, I didn't want to be horny now. I think for me it's not so much the physiological side of things. Like that absolutely is a factor but it's more so the psychological. It's like have I had a big day where I'm just like, fuck off, get off me. I've had an annoying day and I'm just tired and I don't want you doing that. I don't know what your relationship is like. If you have the type of relationship where you can just say that and he's not going to take it personally, just be bold with it. That's how I handle it anyway but I can't get it to stop so much.

Maybe it's not good advice at all. I know. I was like, we can give you advice, but it's made no difference in our relationship. So fucking bon voyage and good luck to you. All right. Question number three. I'm currently six months pregnant with my first baby and it has taken me and my partner over five years to fall pregnant. So it's a huge deal for us and we are over the moon. Well, congratulations to you because that's amazing. That's amazing.

I have, however, noticed more and more recently as time goes on throughout the pregnancy, the lack of people in both of our lives who don't seem to want to be involved in this next chapter with us. I have various friends who have literally dropped off the face of the earth since finding out I'm pregnant and who have not once checked in to see how I'm going. My partner also has family members who have not messaged us once to ask how we are after we announced or even ask how our pregnancy is going.

Everyone seems to comment the same thing, how excited they are to meet the baby once it's here, how excited they are to have a new nephew or grandchild or cousin, etc. But I'm feeling upset that so many of his family members and my own don't even check in on us or just ask how I am during this time.

Now, I am of the mind that once our baby has arrived, these people who weren't there for us during the pregnancy shouldn't get an open invitation into meeting the child, if at all. How would you look at approaching this and what would you do in this situation? Am I overreacting?

I mean, you've been trying for five years. This is a huge, huge thing. I think that sometimes with really big things in life, it's really sad because we can be disappointed by the people around us. And also people get really excited initially and then they go back to their normal lives because the pregnancy just kind of feels like,

almost like a waiting game for them. I know a lot of massive changes are happening for you, but for a lot of people who are busy and just living their own lives, this is kind of like an on hold period. You might get a, Oh, how you been? You know, Oh, how are you going? And you'll get that sort of transient catch up. But I would be curious as to whether this is something that a lot of people feel when they're pregnant. And I guess like the only, you will know how disengaged your family and friends have been.

had they purposely become less engaged or are they just not more engaged? Like, is that the difference? You said that some friends have dropped off the radar, which I'd be interested to know, like, was it you told them you were pregnant and then you basically just didn't hear from them? That obviously is a very unique situation. But did you expect an increase in their responses, care, everything around your pregnancy for a prolonged period of time? And the reason why I ask that is because I think it's very interesting on the flip side when it comes to things like grief, right?

You lose someone in your life. You go through a massive amount of grief and people instantly rally. They're all around you. They're all there for a very short period of time. And then, you know, that wave of collective support kind of goes. The same thing happens after you have a baby. You have a baby and the village rallies. They make you meals and they're there and they come over and they make tea. And then that baby's like three months or six months and the village is kind of not rallied anymore anymore.

I think we have a very short attention span for stuff sometimes, especially for exciting moments for other people's lives. Yeah, do you know what it is? It's not that. And this is coming from somebody that has had so many people in their lives have babies and hasn't had one themselves. So I cannot speak from your experience, but I can speak from your other friends' and family's experience. I have no doubt they're so excited for you and they can't wait to meet the baby like they've said. They've said that. But for them...

It's not happening to them. Like nine months is a long time. You're feeling the changes every day and your life is the one that's about to change dramatically. And it's really hard sometimes to understand what someone else is going through or what is happening to them. And by somebody not constantly checking in on you, it doesn't mean...

that they don't love you or that they're not excited or they don't deserve to meet your child. But, you know, even my sister, when my sister was pregnant, so she told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon, couldn't wait.

Then what? You know, every couple of weeks I'm like, how are you going? How's it trackling? Send me a belly photo. Like, so it sounds like I had more questions than your friends have, but then there'd be a long time where I just went about my life and part of me forgot she was pregnant because we are at the age where people do just live their lives and don't want this to come across the wrong way.

because I don't know you, so it's not personal. Yeah, and we also don't know how disengaged a family and friends are being. They could be hugely disappointing or they just might not be living up to the expectation. Like the spectrum is vast and we don't know. This is what I say. I don't want this to come across as rude because it's not personal. I don't know you. I would say this to anyone in this situation.

You are not the priority for a lot of people in this situation because most people, they might have their own kids. They might have businesses they're running. It's like your pregnancy is not the front of mind for a lot of people when they're trying to like just get through their own day to day. It doesn't mean they're not thinking about you. But for you, I understand why that can feel like a very lonely thing. When it's the biggest thing happening in your life. Yes, when it is your biggest thing. And

I would be so upset if people in my life came to me and said, you didn't check in on me enough. You're not meeting my baby. Like, I think that sounds like a really drastic step to say you didn't check in enough. You don't get to meet my child. But having said that, we don't have the information around your family dynamics anyway. Like, was it already...

a bit broken, a bit scattered. It's really tricky because everyone's pregnancy is so different. Some people, they just cruise through it. Other people have really hard pregnancies and it's really challenging and there's so much morning sickness and there's so many changes and every day feels like a fucking slog. And I think if you are having a pregnancy that's like that and your friends aren't checking in and you've had a really hard time, you feel this real disconnect because you're like, well, I mean, I haven't been around because I've been fucking unwell. Okay, that's why. Thanks for checking. You know, and I guess

and

It really does come down to the circumstances around it. I'm trying to think about in terms of like me and my pregnancies. I would say also it gradually diminishes every time you're pregnant when I think that that's why it's so disappointing for you is because this is your first pregnancy. It is a huge deal for you and it's something that you've wanted for so long. But I think from my experience was like first pregnancy, there was a lot more interest. Second pregnancy, a lot less interest. And like, you know, people just think you've kind of got it by the second time around.

I think the first course of action, if there are people specifically, like, I mean, obviously you seem to be disappointed across the board, but if there are people who are you actually really close with whose friendships and family members you value deeply and you know you want them to be a part of your child's life.

because you can't just have a kid and cut everyone. Like, yeah. And that to me shows that people in general aren't meeting your expectations because maybe your expectations are high and that's okay. But I think you have to communicate what those expectations are or communicate a little bit with them around like, Hey, I've been really feeling a bit isolated in this pregnancy journey. Like, you know, can I talk to you about it? Or not that I expect you to ask me all the time about it, but I feel like you don't ask me enough or at all. Like, I think it's okay.

to have those conversations with your friends. It doesn't have to be accusatory. It doesn't have to be with animosity. It can be calling people in rather than calling people out.

The second thing I want to say as well, because I don't know who of your friends have had children and haven't had children. What I realized after having my own kids is that the way I was prior to having children was not the right way. I had no concept of how much or how little I should give. Do you know what I mean? And so I even remember one of my good friends who I used to share a shop next to, her name was Asha. I was in my mid twenties. I,

I was fucking slogging it away at Tony May. I was working in the shop every day. She was pregnant and then she had a baby and she would bring her baby to work some days and she was really struggling. And I understood that she was struggling and I was, you know, I would always talk about it and I was there for her.

it wasn't until I had my own baby that I actually had an understanding of what that meant. Like I look back on that time and I'm like, I fucking do not know how she survived that. She is incredible. That would have been so hard. And she was surrounded by like 22, 23 year old girls and none of us had kids. So none of us could easily relate to her. She already had another baby at home. No one could understand. It was crazy, you know? And so I think that sometimes

And I'm not saying you have to have walked in the shoes to have empathy or to have understanding, but it definitely goes a long way with motherhood. Like it is, it is a fucking wild beast. I do wonder if you're that way too. Like ask yourself if you're that kind of a person in your friendships generally or your relationships generally outside of being pregnant. You know, we often get people writing saying, I do so much for my friends and I make a big deal on their birthdays and they don't make a big deal on mine. Like different people have different ways of showing interest and care and love. Yeah.

So maybe that is something that you need to accept. But I'm sure that these people will be, you've literally said they've said they can't wait for the baby to come. The interest and excitement is there. It's just not about you. It's not about your pregnancy. It's about the baby. And that can feel like misplaced excitement. Yeah. The other thing as well is, is like, I definitely wouldn't be ruling people out. When you say like, I don't want them to meet the baby because they haven't been there for me during this.

give them a chance to show up post-pregnancy because you might be surprised. You might have family and friends who are like, all right, it's our time to rally. Like that postpartum period, that fourth trimester is a lot. And you will be surprised the friends who get it and who show up and who are incredible during that period, especially with your first baby, who bring over food, who want to come and meet the baby, but they don't just come and hold it

they come and help. They come and help, you know, like there's a difference to what people provide. So like, I hope that this is just a part of people not understanding and it's not actually an indication of people pulling away when you're going through what is like one of the best parts of your life. Yeah. I'd hate for you to take that too personally and cut these people. Yeah. All right. Well, next question. I've been with my partner for almost four years. We have always spoken about getting married and wanting kids

And if anything, he was the one who, when we first started dating, told me that he would propose within two years. Little did he know how much rings can cost. They don't have to cost much. No. They don't. That's not an excuse to not get married. That's not the reason. Our anniversary is coming up next month and I'm pretty convinced that he's going to propose to me on our anniversary or around that date because...

I've seen emails from the jeweler and texts to my mum about it on his phone. I haven't gone looking for information or taken his phone. It just always happens to be the case that these notifications come up when I'm sitting right next to him and he is showing me something on his phone. I feel really bad for knowing this information and also because I've always told him that you'll never be able to truly surprise me because in another life, I feel like I worked for the FBI.

Doesn't every single female feel like that? Just don't snoop. I want to be genuinely surprised when he does it, but not sure that that will be the case. Do I tell him that I have seen it and that I know he's going to propose or do I just play it out? What do I do? Bro needs to turn his notifications off. If you're trying to pull off the ultimate surprise, like anyone listening right now,

You put your phone on do not disturb. You stop notifications. You put the, you know. Mute it. Mute. But you know when it comes up and you can put like preview text or preview email, turn them off. Also, can I just say something? I know you're like, I feel like I worked as the FBI. I don't think that's the case. I think your partner's just really sloppy and lax with the privacy settings. Yeah, if it just means you're looking over. His four years, he's been the laziest man in the world with his privacy settings. He's like, whatever. Do not tell him. This is my advice.

Enjoy it. Don't overthink it. It's going to happen. You've been together a long time. You've told him you've seen something cool. You know, he's going to lock it down. You know, he's going to ask you. So just take a step back and enjoy the ride now. Like if you really said you want to be surprised by it, be surprised by it. But I think technically,

telling him and overthinking it is going to take away from the moment. Yeah. And I, I mean, the thing is you can know that he's going to do it. You can have seen emails from a jeweler. The reality is, is like the fact that he wants to get married to you shouldn't be that big a surprise anyway. You know, the fact that like an engagement is coming probably for most people who get proposed to, unless you've never talked about proposals or weddings or anything, it's never a real surprise. It's just the timing that's a surprise, right? It's the when, the where. Yeah.

And the how, that's a surprise. It's the day that's a surprise. It's the what they say that's a surprise. If you're actually completely, completely surprised that your partner proposed, like you never thought they were going to do it, that to me is like, did you not have a conversation ever? That's fair. I was just thinking about all of my friends. One of them might be in the room. Brittany. Who? Brittany.

thought that it was, you know, they thought they had the rough timing of when it might happen, whether they've got a holiday or most of them it's holiday things. Oh no, straight up. I thought it was in the Maldives. Like an event coming up. They will all go and get their nails done. They will all make sure. I reckon 90% of my friends who have thought that that was happening did

didn't happen when they thought it was going to. Yeah. I've had multiple friends go to Europe. I've had some go on like romantic weekends away, 10 year anniversaries, that kind of thing where they're like, surely. Don't get me wrong. Like I said at the time, I had no idea. Of course I thought he was going to propose guys. Like, I mean, I didn't want to ruin it for him. I didn't want him to be disappointed, but of

Of course I thought that there was a good chance. I was seven months pregnant and we knew we were going to be together forever and we went to Fiji. And he was setting up a tripod in the set. Yeah, the tripod was the giveaway. Can you wait there, babe? I've just got to set this tripod up. We went to Fiji on a holiday that he completely planned and I didn't do a single thing. I was like, hmm, green flag. And then also he was like, hey, let's just go for a walk down the beach to this secluded area. Our villa was on the beach. We could see it. It's the same sunset here or there.

And so then we walked. This seven-month pregnant woman waddled her ass down the beach and I was like, why the fuck are we walking? And I was like, I bet you if I see a tripod I know what's happening. So I had suspicions, everyone. Well, I was in the Maldives with my white dress every day. I was fucking every day. Right.

white dresses. Because I thought, and this is the only reason the surprise worked. I was like, cool. It is the most beautiful romantic place in the world. If you saw our villa, I'd die. I'd actually die. It was

I was like, this has to be it. Why would you not do it on a secluded private island in the most beautiful villa that you'll ever go to? But I was wrong and he did not do it. And whilst I wasn't certain he was going to do it because I'm really good at trying to set expectations for myself. I hate being let down. I was aware it could have happened. So I was not guaranteed it, but I was prepared in case. And then I did feel a sense of disappointment afterwards because I was like, oh, wow. I didn't think I'd feel the disappointment, but I am. Yeah.

The reason the surprise works when he did propose is because we were seeing my sister in Europe literally 10 days later with my sister and Jay. So I was like, oh my God, it's 100% going to be in Europe with my sister. He knows that that would be like really meaningful to me. So I didn't think that he would do it a week early on our own. So that is why the surprise came. But the disappointment I felt because I was overthinking it was

don't feel that just like you're in love you're happy just embrace the that it's gonna happen yeah and I definitely think don't tell him there's no there is no need to have a conversation because I mean if you think it backwards what's the outcome that you want from him if you say hey I'm

I saw the messages to my mom and I saw that you're planning a ring. I know you're going to propose. What do you want from him in response? He's going to say, oh yeah, I was planning it. He'll probably put it off. Do you want him to tell you the time? Like what is the outcome you want from that conversation? And my thought is there probably isn't an outcome. If he hasn't proposed in a year's time and you're like, hey dude, I saw the text messages to my mom. I saw that you were planning a ring.

I feel as though I've been waiting for this thing that we've been talking about, then that's a way different conversation. And I think that that's absolutely valid and warranted. But in the interim, don't ruin something that will still be incredibly special even though you know that it's coming. I think just like enjoy life.

what it is and the reality is regardless of whether you have an idea or not it will be a fucking amazing it will be amazing and it's going to be a surprise because you're not going to know exactly what or how or where you're not going to know what he's going to say you're not going to know what the ring looks like so it depends how much snooping she does well stop it but it's

Stop it, Miss FBI, CIA. All right, well, look, guys, that is it from us for Ask Uncut. Like we said, be sure to be listening to Wednesday's episode because it is a biggie, that's for sure. If you've got any Ask Uncuts for us, you can slide into the DMs with them. You can also join our Facebook discussion group and also just leave reviews and do all the other stuff. Do it all. Just all the stuff. Just do all the stuff. Send it to your friend, listen to it a few times on a couple of different devices, you know, all the stuff.

Five stars, reviews, great. Okay, well, we're going to see you back on Wednesday for the big one. 5 a.m. 5 a.m.-ish, maybe 5.20, we can't be sure. And remember, to mum, to dad, to dog, to friends, and share the love because we love love!