Ask Uncut - HELP! My husband cheated.
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm

I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. I am not coping, sorry, with how cold it is. Coming back from Italy, coming back from Bali, I don't want to brag, but that's where I was for my wedding. I realise that that is not relatable right now. I'm sorry. I'm going to apologise for what I just said. I'm not coping. My house is so cold that I have to wear a beanie.

Thermal socks, thermals, a puffer and a blanket just to survive in my lounge room. I don't know if pregnancy makes you run hotter. Like, I'm not sure. Maybe that's a thing. Yeah. Google it. I don't want to spread misinformation. Dr. Laura. But I, like, everybody was texting while we were away being like, oh, God, it's so cold here. I know that Bali is so warm. And then I got back here and I was surprised by how not cold I am. Oh, no. Like, I have nothing underneath this. I...

I'm just running around in a nice little, like, loose knit. Do you know how I know that you're cold, though? The way that you can tell that Laura is cold or that it's cold outside is that you wear clothes and shoes. I reckon I've seen you wear clothes and shoes maybe six times in my life. I only own one pair of clothes and shoes and they're, like, totally dry. Do you not have socks on you, psychopath? I couldn't find any. You're rank. You can't wear...

You can't wear sneakers like that. Are they leather? I don't know what they are. They're leather sneakers with no sock. I had a rough morning and I look like I got dressed in a wheelie bin, but that's okay. I think you look cute. It's patchwork. I woke up to Lola, like she was having a real moment. So I woke up to her crying and I walked into the bedroom and I thought she was sick. And I was like, what's happening? Like, you know, cause it was, it was a cry. Barley belly. It was, well, she's been saying she's got a sore tummy. I don't know. I was like, what's going on girlfriend?

She cried for between 15 to 20 minutes on repeat saying, I don't want to be asleep anymore. And I was like, girlfriend, the fact that you're yelling at me would indicate that you are indeed awake. Unless she's sleepwalking. I used to do that, sleep talking. She was completely awake. I think, you know, when your body is so tired and you are so tired, but you're like, just want to get up and get going, but you can't because you're exhausted. But she's as a four-year-old didn't have the vocab to explain it. So she just kept saying, I don't

I don't want to bear sleep anymore. And then when I was like, you're awake, she then would hit me. And then I was like, so you can hit me. So you're awake. And this was my morning. So give me some slack about the socks. All right. I won't. Cause they'll stink by the end of the day. But it's so funny that like, this is not breaking news, but,

When you're a kid, all the things that you hate, it's all you want to do when you're an adult. Like put me to sleep, put me to bed, tuck me in and let me sleep. That's all I'd want right now. She was like, I don't want to be asleep. And I was like, I don't want to be awake. I particularly love seeing Lola upset at the airport in Bali. Laura and I caught the same flight back. It was a genuine sadness. It was like the post-holiday blues hit Lola before they hit anybody else.

And she was so sad to be leaving. And she was like, I just don't want to not be on holidays. And I was like, same, babe. Oh, my God. She's never recovered. It's been a week. Speaking of, I was going to take so many segues. There's so many places to go. Okay, let me go back. Lola was so funny. Well, Lola and Marley in the pool at Bali. So we had a recovery session after the wedding, the day after the wedding. Everyone just came. It was just a pool party. It was so fun, super chill. We had burgers, fries, whatever. Yeah.

The girls had a, I say that it's important. So I just smashed some burgers and Lola comes up to me in the pool. She's like, you have a baby in your belly. And I was like,

what? I was like, sorry, what? And then I started being like, have I eaten too many burgers? Have I got IBS? Don't take anything to offense that a four year old says. No, I didn't. But it was, she had so much confidence. And I was like, do you know something? I don't know. Like what Uncle Ben has done to me last night. No, I was like, what do you mean? She's like, there's a baby in there. And she was like poking my belly. And I said, talk about that. She goes, because Uncle Ben did this. And then she got down on one knee.

and opened her hands like she was proposing. Like a clamshell. She goes, because Uncle Ben went like this, will you marry me? And then she did it and then she goes, so now there's a baby in your belly. And I was like, there's not. We haven't gone to the birds and the bees conversation yet. I'm sure you can tell.

It was so funny. I'm excited to find out when Lola realises that that situation was reversed for her because she was at the wedding of her parents. Oh, yeah, when she's old enough to figure it out. She hasn't quite figured that out. Also, there's nothing more humbling than the day when your kid asks you, Mummy, I know that there's a baby in your belly, but how did it get in there? And you're like, well, strap on in. Sit on in, kids. It's called the stalk.

Flies in the sky. I really, I still don't know the best way to approach that. I just kind of steamrolled to another conversation. I was like five and four. Too young. Too young. No, too young. I think you can say, I don't think you lie about the stalk. No, I didn't say that. Yeah. But I think you can just say it's what happens when like two people, I was going to say love each other, but it definitely happens without loving each other as well. I don't know. You just say, yeah, it's like, I don't know. I don't know. You're asking the wrong person. Thank you. That was zero help. Thank you for being absolutely no help on the matter.

Should we get into vibes and add subscribes for the week? Let's do it. All right. I'm going to go first. And that is because I had so many questions. And I'm not just saying that as some influencer online. It's like, hey, guys, I had so many questions. This is the moisturizer I'm using. No one ever asked. Swipe up, swipe up.

Okay. I'm not a handbag person. I don't have a lot of handbags. I have like a very functional one, which I use a lot. You guys know that's the by me one. And I use that all the time. I know what you're going to say. But then I have a couple of good ones, which I use for weddings. I use the same one over and over.

And I have a couple of good ones that I would use if I need like an oversized bag to go out. And they're all from the same brand. So they're from a brand, it's an Australian label and it's called Vesterci. Am I saying it right, Brie? Because I know you have a lot of them. Yeah, I have the same bag as you. I have loads of them. Vesterci. Vesterci. And they're Italian leather, really,

well-made Australian label and I think the thing that's like the most appealing about them is that they're also very well price-pointed. Like the price point on them is great for how good quality they are. The one that I've got right there is Vesterci as well. Yeah, and to, I mean, look, it's not just me. I've gotten Ellie, my mother-in-law is now on them. She's got two Vesterci bags and it was only off the back of Vesterci

your wedding brief, but actually the pre-wedding, the white party that you had the day before where I posted what I was wearing. I had so many people asking about the bag that I had that I thought, you know what, this is actually a brand that I think a lot of people need to get around. That specific one is not available anymore. I love it. It's a couple years old. Yeah, it's really old.

No, I haven't too. Also, Laura's taken it to any event we've ever been to. It's her one bag. If a cersei's listening, block your ears. But I've seen Laura throw that thing, like when there's a photo and she doesn't want it in or something, or she's like, throws it around. But it's like so durable. It does not have a single mark on it, considering how I've treated it. And it's...

Yeah, for something that I use so often and I genuinely think the quality is amazing. Like if you're looking for a great new bag, whether it's for work or for that one thing that you're going to take out on repeat with every outfit, I recommend it. So it's for Sturdy, Australian brand. And yeah, you can just get it online. Yeah, I get compliments on this bag. You guys can't see it. Should I hold it up for YouTube just in case?

Oh, God, just look at it. It's beautiful. It's like a Mary Poppins bag, though. It's not that huge, but fits so much in it. It's a real surprise package. Anyway, my vibe this week is a show that I'm obsessed with. It has just come out on Apple TV and it has Owen Wilson in it, who I love Owen Wilson personally. I feel like you either love him or hate him, but it's called Stick.

I feel like Owen hasn't done anything in a long time and he doesn't do TV shows. When you think about it, he's always just like rom-com movies. I just feel like he's that character who plays the same character in every single thing. I like him too. Yeah. But you know what you're getting. Well, this one's a little bit different, but he's a, it is a comedy still, but he is a like washed up, retired professional golfer.

who has just lost his way in life. He had one big breakdown and he's trying to get back on his feet. He finds a young kid that he sees some talent in, but he's a bit off the rails too, like doesn't want to be involved in golf. And it's only, they're releasing week by week. There's four episodes out at the moment, but it's just like coming out week by week from now. But the first four, Ben and I were just like hooked, watched nonstop. Who was the actor in this? Owen Wilson. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Laurie's googling shit. I am. I am googling Owen Wilson. You know, he's got the particular look, blonde hair, looks like he's had a broken nose. He does everything he does. Yeah. Like talk, whispers. He did one where he was a heroin addict or something at one point. I think you're thinking Matthew McConaughey. No, I am thinking him. I know exactly. Oh. He's also in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. He's in a lot. He's a big Hollywood actor. He's the main guy from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Isn't that Matthew McConaughey?

No, I thought it was him. Wasn't it? I'm pretty sure it's Matthew McConaughey. Thanks, Mike.

But I see where you're going, Laura. They look very similar. Damn it. They look similar. I thought I got that one. I think more so they sound kind of similar. But I just really, really like it. I really like seeing him in something different, like a TV series. And it's just I haven't seen anything like it. I feel like a lot of streamers now pump out very similar things in a slightly different way. I just haven't seen anything like this. So it's called Stick, Apple TV. If you have Apple, can't recommend it enough.

My vibe this week is something that I truly cannot believe I'm actually vibing. It is Piers Morgan Uncensored. Bear with me.

I have very strong opinions on Piers Morgan. I assume that most people who listen to this podcast probably have similar opinions on Piers Morgan. However, this was with the person who I shot to the top of my list of celebrity favorites. Like he's so far in my past basket. It is Prof G or Scott Galloway. I've recommended his Prof G Markets podcast before. That's the one he does. I kind of said that it was like a good early access to the finance world. But what I liked about it is that it's,

For me, that podcast is a bit of a crossover of like pop culture and markets. And I've kind of realized that all of these things are super interconnected. And with this drama that I'm sure we all heard about to do with Elon Musk and Trump and America, like this is the main time that I can think of where I think pop culture, finance and politics has all kind of just meshed into one. The Venn diagram is much closer than it used to be. It's like a complete circle at the moment.

And I was really, I guess I was just quite fascinated in a really negative way to see the fallout of how this happened and kind of see how it's impacting so many people, particularly in America at the moment. But this debate that happened on Piers Morgan Uncensored, which is a YouTube channel, it's titled Musk Derangement Syndrome, Doge Legacy Debate, Scott Galloway versus Kevin O'Leary. So Scott Galloway, this is Prof G that I'm kind of obsessed with. He is like a moderate progressive.

He does not like Donald Trump. He often refers to him as a fucking idiot on his own podcast. And he hates Elon Musk. Well, yeah, he doesn't respect Elon. And what I really liked about this kind of debate, I guess, a lot of people in the comments were saying that it was the most...

civilized and thought-provoking debate that they had seen on Piers Morgan. Like often Piers just starts yelling at people and everyone just talks over the top of each other. Yeah. I watched it. Piers was so considered and just let them speak and you could see he was thinking about it. Yeah, I agree with that because I do feel like he constantly speaks. He will say something and then just constantly railroad by speaking over the top of the person and so that they can't argue back.

at all. It's infuriating. I was actually trying to think about why that might be the case. And I think it's because Scott kind of talks their language. He is a white, middle-aged, very rich man who made all of his money himself. He can kind of go toe to toe with them. And in a way I'm like, oh, they actually respect Scott, which is kind of misogynistic in nature. So there was this one particular point of the interview where Piers Morgan was literally speechless. His only response to it was,

Wow. And this is what Scott had to say about Elon Musk. Somehow we've decided in America that innovation and money replaces or obviates or excuses depravity. I think one of the wonderful things about being an American and quite frankly, for me, what it means to be a man and what I try to teach my boys is the whole point of prosperity is that you can protect people. And I think the two of you are more impressed with Mr. Musk than I am. I think if somebody is making s**t

Nazi salutes, if somebody is being sued concurrently by two women for sole custody of their child because that person has not spent any time with that child, when someone is so severely addicted to drugs they can't get their shit together to show up to the White House without looking exceptionally high, I don't think that's the right role model for young men. So what I would ask to all of us is look at what money has done to us.

that if someone can land a rocket on metal scissors or create a great AV, he's a genius. He's the wealthiest man in the world. But does that mean we should excuse depravity? Does that mean, unlike Bill Gates, he's not using his billions to help people? I think this is an individual who has literally come off the tracks, who is rabidly addicted to drugs, and is using his immense power to get people elected, and that too many of us excuse what is abhorrent depravity.

behavior. I think his legacy is not going to be an EV or putting rockets into space. I think it's going to be unnecessary death, disease and disability of the world's most vulnerable. That is not what it means to be an innovator. It's not what it means to be an American. It's not what it means to be a man. Wow.

Yeah, I watched it and I thought it's the most calm and educated takedown of somebody that I'd ever seen. I really enjoyed it as well. Yeah, so it's about 45 minutes on YouTube. If you're into either finance, politics or kind of the pop culture crossover like I am, I really, really enjoyed it, even though I hate adding to the views that Piers Morgan gets. But it was, yeah, it was actually quite an interesting and leveled debate, I thought. Right, let's get into it.

Question number one. I've got a story here, girls, that's been really weighing on me and I'm hoping to get your thoughts on it. Let me take you back to when I was born. It's a long story. Yeah.

I was adopted at just six weeks old and right from the start, the adoption agency told my parents something surprising. They mentioned that my biological parents had also given birth to a baby boy two years before me and that he too had been adopted. The agency asked if my parents would be interested in meeting him, my biological brother. And of course, my adoptive parents said, yes, absolutely. So from a really young age, my brother and I have been very close. We've celebrated birthdays together and grown up from that unique connection.

Fast forward to now, we're both the same stage of life, starting families of our own. It's a whole new chapter and it's made me start thinking about meeting my biological parents.

I've wondered if I should make an attempt to meet them and try to learn more about my roots. Here's where it gets tricky. My brother has absolutely no interest in meeting our biological parents. He's content with the life that he has built and doesn't want to stir the pot. So here's my dilemma. Do I tell him that I'm planning on meeting our biological parents? Should I respect his wishes not to pursue it? Or do I just go ahead and meet them without mentioning it to him? I'm torn.

And I'm curious, what would you guys do in my shoes? I mean, it's really tricky for us to unpack this when we've never been in the situation of the yearning for knowing what was, I guess, like the biology behind who we are.

But I also think that if you have those feelings, you're absolutely allowed to pursue them. Like on one hand, yes, respect your brother's wishes that he doesn't want to. But on the other hand, he needs to respect your wishes that you do want to. You're individual people. You live individual lives. And you've both had –

a similar experience through adoption, but you've had your own unique experiences as well. I would say that it's a conversation with your brother and say that you are going to pursue this, but you respect his decision. And unless he asks or wants to know information, you're not going to share it with him. And I think that that is probably going to be quite hard for you because when you find out you're going to want to, you're going to want to talk to someone about it. Naturally, you're probably going to want to talk to him about it.

but he may not be the right person in this instance for you to speak about because that might be breaching his boundaries. So I would say go ahead and do it. Go ahead and seek out what it is that you're looking for, but also respect that that's not going to be something that everybody wants, you know, and that that's not what your brother wants.

It's so tricky. I agree with everything you said, Laura. This is your life and you've made the decision that you want to know about it and that's totally fine. This is your history and your parents and you're allowed to do whatever it is you want to do. You love your brother and you respect him and that's why you're even considering maybe not following your passion of finding out your roots because you do love him and care about him and I think that that's really amazing. It's tricky because...

It's pretty easy for us to say, you know what? You respect each other's wishes. He doesn't have to know that's his choice and you can go and find out that's your choice. It's tricky because it's opening a can of worms. And like you said, Laura, whether or not you try so hard to say, I'm never going to mention anything, there is a chance that maybe you find them and form a relationship with them and they become a part of your life. And then by default, they're going to eventually be a part of your brother's life, even if he still chooses not to.

They might end up at a family event or, you know, they might want to have some kind of contact. They might ask you to reach out to him. You don't know what is going to happen. You might meet them. And I say this with full respect. I know people this has happened to.

This happened to my mum actually. She wasn't adopted but her dad left when she was only five and she never saw him again and she ended up tracking him down. But you might meet them and find them and they want nothing to do with you still. Like you do not know how it's going to end up. But it just sounds like you have made the decision and you're thinking about it and I can't imagine what that's like. I don't.

Don't imagine that that feeling is going to go away once you have that curiosity and desire to know where you came from. I don't think that's going to go away. So I do think you need to have a combo with your brother and say, this is the track that I want to go down and you let me know what your boundaries are or what you want to know if you want to know if I found them.

And then in a way, I guess you're going to have to respect that. If he says go for it but tell me nothing, you're going to have to do your best to really do that. I'd be so interested to know whether you have the same biological dad as well or it's just the same biological mum because it could be different dads, same mum. They've said biological parents.

So I think they might be from – I mean, that's what she said. She said it a few times and she says biological parents. Yeah, interesting. I mean, gosh, it would be fascinating, right? Like you would want to question and want to know why. Like, okay, well, if we have the same biological parents –

Why did you give two children up for adoption in two years? Like two babies. It's not like it was two kids at the same time. It was one baby. And then two years later you had another baby and you gave that baby away as well. It happens a lot. I know it does, but I guess like usually there is some sort of reasoning as to what that family is going through or the reasons why they're unable to or unwilling to, you know, provide. Yeah.

I do think that there is a way that you can navigate this without dragging your brother into it if he has explicitly asked not to be. And the reason why I say that is from a very, very, well, I should say different personal experience, but also I think it can be related to this.

My stepdad was out of the picture. So my stepdad and my mum's second husband, not the one who passed away recently that I talk about and talk about with the absolute love and fondness, Neil. My mum was remarried when I was young to my stepdad who was really horrible and quite abusive. And I've spoken about it before on the pod. But the good thing that came out of that relationship was that we had my little brother, Matt, who

So Matt is quite a bit younger than me and Alex was out of the picture when Matt was born. And now the thing is Matt grew up not really ever knowing the intricacies of the stuff that we all experienced as kids growing up with his dad in that household. He was too little. Yeah, he was really little and there was absolutely no reason to tell him because Alex was gone. He wasn't in the picture anymore. So Matt grew up completely not knowing his dad, I think. So...

He grew up not knowing his dad and I grew up very adamant that I didn't want him to know his dad. And I was very verbal about it, which in retrospect probably wasn't my place to be. Like it wasn't my place to tell him that he shouldn't have a relationship with his dad if he wanted to seek it out. But I was like, I don't want any reason for him to come back into my life at all. So that's where I was coming from with that conversation. Um,

I found out years and years later when I was in my mid-20s or probably early 30s. No, actually, I found out when I was in my early 30s that my brother had sought out a relationship with him and my brother never told me. So for years he had connection with his stepdad, sorry, with his biological dad and my stepdad, and I would have...

hated, I would have hated knowing that he was doing that at the time. And I'm really grateful to some respects that my brother didn't tell me. I don't know if it was because he couldn't be bothered with the drama that it might've caused, but at the same time, that's his journey and that was his path to walk. And he needed to either A, close that chapter or B, discover what it was and who he was and where he came from. But he managed to navigate that without

me being a part of it. And so I do think it's possible. That's interesting because, I mean, I haven't been in the situation again, but it's interesting because when you were talking about that, I didn't think that's what you're going to say. I thought you were going to say you were mad that you didn't know. And that's maybe an indication that it's so dependent on the individual. Yeah.

Your brother, we don't know him. He might be mad if he finds that you've done it behind his back or he might be grateful that you haven't told him, which is why I think you just have the conversation and be upfront and just say, hey, if I choose to go down the path of finding them, like don't say I'm going to. Maybe just say if I choose to go down this path,

can I just get a feel of the room? Like, do you want to know at all? Totally. Yeah, and just have the conversation. When my mum tracked her dad down, like I said, he left when she was like five or under, just walked out and never came back. And she tracked him down when she was maybe close to 40, like she was a grown adult, and they decided, her and her sisters decided that, hey, let's see who he is.

And she met him and she regrets ever meeting him. She was like, there was zero point. He didn't have an interest in me then. He doesn't have an interest in us now. Like, you know, and...

They needed to do that for themselves in their enclosure. And it could have gone the other way. It could have been amazing and they could have had a relationship. Didn't pan out that way for them. Sometimes these sort of reconciliations or meetings or finding the answers to your biological parents, sometimes they have really beautiful results. And we've definitely seen those on the podcast before. We've spoken to people who have had that. But also sometimes there's a reason why that person wasn't in your life in the first place and it's a disappointing result. But that's

That in and of itself can be closure that someone might need or want. So yeah, I think it's a tricky one. I would love to hear this one as an aftermath, particularly if you decide to go down the route. If you do, do you find them? How does it go? Did you have the conversation with your brother? Or if you're listening now and you've been in a similar situation, just write, if you're comfortable, you can say anonymous, but write in and let us know how it went for you because it's not...

a situation that a lot of people are in. So yeah, I would be interested to see how it went for you. All right. Question two. I would love to know your thoughts on gift registries for a baby shower. I have a lovely friend who has created a gift registry for an upcoming baby shower. It has a variety of different items and different prices. So there's some cheaper ones, but also if you're wanting to get something more expensive, you could go in with friends.

I know that this word gets thrown around a lot, but it's given me the ick. I totally get wanting to receive items that you need or want, but it seems incredibly impersonal. With this registry, you can get the gift directly delivered to the address. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but you might not even know who it is being gifted from on delivery. What do you think of gift registries for baby showers? Am I just being a sourpuss?

I have mixed feelings about gift registries. This might, and I don't know, we're all looking at each other in the room, so I feel like I might say something that's about to offend someone. Well, there's two people who have, well, not gift registries, but kids in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So have been through the process. Ness is our incredible video editor, has just had another baby. And you. I would love to get your take on this as well, Ness. Yeah, and also myself. Gift registries, and I'm talking about not even just babies. I guess I'm going to talk about a gift registry. Obviously, it's really common for weddings. Weddings! Yeah. I personally...

Would never, personally. But I understand a registry. I understand the idea. Back in the day, you used to get presents for weddings and babies and things like that because...

you know, for a wedding, people didn't live together or create a life together before they got married back in the day. So the idea of presents were like, you're starting your new life together. Here's some saucepans for the kitchen. Here's your dowry. Not even a dowry, but it was like to help you set up a life. But these days people have lived their lives. They're living together. They've got kids before they get married. And the same with babies. Like people are getting everything that they need. Yeah, but you know,

traditionally a dowry. It was like a big wooden case that was filled with linen. It wasn't just money. It was like linen. It was tablecloths. Yeah. It was cheese knives and bread knives. I want the money. Yeah, also I don't want a cheese knife. Give me a pack out. It's actually so nice because I remember growing up with my grandparents and they would have so many things in their house like the bread knife that they had which was an exceptional bread knife.

it was a wedding gift that they'd received. And now my mum has that bread knife. There were so many things in their house that they use up until very old age that were all wedding gifts that they'd received. How would you feel if we got you a bread knife? I'd love it. My knives are blunt. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no. What I was going to say is for me, and it might be personal, even without a registry, I don't ask for things. I hate asking for things. I don't feel comfortable with people giving me stuff because

Maybe it would feel different if I was setting up a life with someone. And it doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it. But the idea for me of going online and putting things together and then sending it out to people and saying, hey, send me this stuff. I couldn't do it. But I understand it because if you know you're going to get gifts anyway. And I say this because when you have a baby shower, everyone knows you're going to bring something for the baby. That's the whole point of a baby shower. It's the whole point.

I understand where you're like, okay, cool. If we're going to do this, this is the stuff that I haven't got yet. This is the stuff I need because nobody wants to get 10 of the same thing and nothing of what they need. And I 100% get it. But I do think registries, you know who it's from unless you put it's anonymous. Like you say, hey, this is from me, like Sally. Well, because you tick it off. Yeah. And so once it's ticked off, it goes through to the person via email that that's the thing you're purchasing. But I'm just putting –

wet nurse and night nanny on my gift registry. If anyone wants to bring me either of those two, I'm cool with it. Full-time nanny. Full-time night nanny. I've got an experience about this that I feel like some people might relate to. So obviously I'm not a very organized person. We have some friends. A little while ago, they got married. They had a gift registry and I knew that they had a gift registry. So I was like, cool, cool, cool. We'll deal with that when I have to. So the day before the wedding comes, I went to go on the gift registry and

And all of the ones that were like the price point that I was thinking we would spend. They were all gone. Of course they are. And so they were only, they're really, and I was like, oh. Too hard. You're getting a card with money. Yeah.

I need an ATM. Look, I feel slightly differently to you, Britt. And to be fair and to be clear, I've never had a gift registry before. I've never done it for a baby shower. But I do think you have to keep in mind that you are in a position where you have a great income, you have a great job, and you're able to buy a lot of things that you want for yourself. So if you had a baby, you would be fine. Like you would be able to support and set up your nursery and everything in a totally comfortable way. Yeah.

There are a lot of people out there who don't have that luxury and having a gift registry is so incredibly helpful. It stops them from having 3000 fucking muslin wraps and not a single baby bottle. Do you know what I mean? So I think for some people it actually has a really great purpose. It means that they get really functional items that are absolutely going to be used and

and it can help support them because having a kid and needing a lot of the stuff if you're starting from scratch can be overwhelming and expensive. I think that there is an absolute purpose to it. It doesn't offend me. I understand why people do it if they're organized enough too. And I do also get

why it gives some people the ick because it takes the personal element out of it. But I think sometimes if you know that someone's going to get you something anyway, it is a transactional affair. And so it just makes it worthwhile for everyone in that situation. It's so practical for baby showers. Like absolutely. But the wedding thing. The wedding one. Yeah. I don't think you need it for a wedding. Just give money. I also wonder if it's more personal than money.

Do you know what I mean? Like a gift registry, at least it's a gift. At least you can kind of go, well, that's what that person got me. And also there's multiple ways you can do a gift registry. You can also, you can tick it. You can tick it and have it delivered straight to that person's house, which is obviously for efficiency. Or you can have it delivered to your house. You can wrap it and you can take it to the baby shower. Like that's also an option. But yeah. Or you can just text them and say, that's from me. That's from me.

And you can text and say that's from me, but I would wonder whether the person who wrote this in had had children themselves or not, because I do think you end up with a lot of stuff you don't use. Like we're having our third. There are baby things in the cupboard that I have never used. And the first time they will get used is for this kid because we just had too much of the same stuff. But also you don't have to get anything from the registry. You can get a gift and write a card and send it. Like you don't have to do it.

If you want to buy a blanket from May and Moo, go nuts because they're really beautiful. They're handmade and you'll never find something nicer than that for a baby shower gift. There you go. There you go. Swipe up. Swipe up. Now we don't have Tony May on this episode, but we do have May and Moo covered. Okay. Next question.

We haven't had a question like this before, but I found it interesting because I've obviously lived on my own a long time and Laura has issues. So I have recently bought a house with my partner, 30 and 30. Okay. The ages are important. Congratulations. That's huge news. We've been living here for a few months. Yeah. Pew, pew, pew. We've been living here for a few months. Until now, I have lived in share houses with family, et cetera. I have realized I haven't had to spend many nights alone.

When I do, I get quite nervous and I'm talking about safety-wise, being at home by myself. I've traveled for work and stuff. I've gone on holidays on my own in hotels and apartments and I don't feel scared when I do that. But I do when I'm at my house alone at nighttime. Our house is like an outer, older suburb, which is quite safe. But when my partner occasionally goes away, which is once every few months...

I feel on edge. I love the idea of a night to myself, kicking back, watching TV, eating what I want. But in reality, I'm nervous and very alert to every single noise. My question is, do other women feel like this? And what do you do to feel more confident at home on your own? Just don't be at home on your own. Move in with your mother-in-law. Well, you might not have that option. Have children. Yeah, we like Laura. I

I can relate. Laura's like, what's a loan? Honestly, though, I can relate to this so deeply and I wish I could tell you that I had a solution. I have incredibly bad anxiety about being home alone by myself because

to the point that when I was in my 20s, I would sleep with a knife in my bed. So like that is psychotic, I know. No, I did that. I was genuinely petrified. I would sleep with the lights on. I would check every door. I would go and check the oven like five times to make sure that the house wasn't going to burn down. I would check the windows. I would check in cupboards. I would check under beds. Like I still have a lot of those traits and I know that that's not normal. I've

definitely spoke to people about it. Even just recently when we went away to Bali, I was staying in a hotel room by myself. My sister was only across the hallway, but every night before I'd go to bed, I'd check every cupboard. I'd check under every bed. I'd check every door. I still do that. I physically cannot go to sleep without going through a bit of a routine and checking. The problem is though, is that

And maybe I'll be incorrect in saying this once again, it's information that anxiety begets anxiety around this. The more you do those things, the more that you give yourself anxiety. So the more that you check, the more that you then have to continue to check. And it kind of reinforces that you're unsafe and,

I am rarely alone now, rarely alone because I do live with my mother-in-law and I have my kids with me all the time and it sounds stupid. My kids can't protect me. But even just having them in the house, I find a comfort because when I'm completely alone, I find my brain gets very carried away with itself to the point where when Matt was in the jungle,

And when Ellie would go away and do other things, like she would go and stay at Matt's sister's house, I would, and this is probably why my kids have a problem with sleeping in their own bed, I would get Lola or Marley and I would put them in bed with me so that I wasn't sleeping on my own purely because. You can sacrifice them first. You can throw them at the intro. Sacrifice them and run. Take the little one.

Marley's lighter. So I could just throw her like a bird at the intruder. No, it was so that they were close to me. So there's something happened. I could get out of the house faster. Like I know it sounds crazy, but it is probably slightly linked to tendencies where you like hyper fixate on things and,

because in my 20s it was really, really bad. And I do think the only thing that I have come across and the only thing that has definitely resonated with me in the conversations I've had with people is that you really have to force yourself not to do the things that you want to do as in like –

When you know the door is locked, don't go and check the door again. When you know it's just something that's outside, you don't have to go and check all the things that are making you feel anxious. And every time that you're able to withstand, I guess, like scratching that anxiety itch that you have that makes you feel nervous, it also helps to reassure you because then nothing bad happens. So then you have this small sense of reassurance that, okay, well, that wasn't

anything that I needed to be worried about. And I have control over these feelings. And so that I think helps a lot. Well, yeah, it's not abnormal to be at home alone, especially as a woman and feel a little bit anxious or nervous. And we also live in a world where we're like bombarded with bad, terrible news all the time. And you're always hearing about something, a breaking or a robbery or whatever it is. Mine has changed a lot. I've been on my own for so many years now and I was always fine.

And then somebody broke into my home when I was in the house and that just changed everything. I, after that started having a lot of anxiety about it, didn't sleep well. I had a knife under my bed because I was often alone at that house as well. And so that was for a couple of years. And then I, once I moved out of that house, I started to come good again. But things that have helped me, if you know that you are going to feel unsafe, you're

You can very easily get so many different levels of security cameras, things that are going to alert you if someone, if there is a motion outside, you can look from the outside in. Like there are so many different levels. Some are super expensive. Some are cheap. I have cameras at my home. If anyone's thinking about breaking in, don't. I have cameras. That really helped me. I lock my doors. This is a trick that they say for people like you, Laura, that were just saying that you walk back and double check everything.

If you voice out loud what you've done, you are more likely to remember that you've done it and feel okay with it. So if you are constantly checking that you've locked your door, when you lock it, you say like two to three times, I've locked the front door. I'm okay. I've locked the back door. You just say it. I've locked the front door. I've locked the front door. I've locked the front door. You walk back and you are more likely to remember and feel safe that you've done it than if you don't voice it out loud. And it's just a trick that

You can do that for anything. It helps you to remember anything. Like it's just using a different sense. The other thing that helped me, I don't know if you've got this. I don't know if you're able to get this. When I got Delilah, like having a pet at home. Well, then you're not alone. That's the thing, right? It even just brings a comfort and Delilah doesn't bark ever.

But she will if there's something outside. So if she does, I'm like, cool. There's either a possum or someone who's about to break in. I think that this is incredibly relatable. I even know like Ness, this is something I've referred to you now twice in this episode. Ness and I, for anyone who doesn't know, we lived together for a really long time. So Ness has been my girlfriend. She's how I ended up getting Buster in the first place. Long backstory. We've known each other for over a decade.

I know that that's something you struggle with when you're at home by yourself. Do you have any techniques that have helped you? Well, it's different for me. So for you guys, it sounds like it's more of a rational fear of like things that could actually get to you. Whereas mine is just pure anxiety. So no, mine is irrational as well. Like checking the oven four times to make sure it's off. Like it's she hasn't cooked in four years. Why would that be? Like, do you know what I mean? Mine is totally irrational. Yeah. Well, mine's

Pure anxiety and I've been to therapy for it. It is for childhood trauma. We've dug deep over a lot of years and a really good tip my therapist gave to me and having kids has helped for me because like you, I'm not alone at night per se anymore.

But a way that she would tell me to comfort myself, she's like, picture yourself as a child and how would you comfort that child if that child was scared? And so I know it sounds a bit woo woo and a bit silly and, you know, talking to yourself like you're a child sounds silly, but comforting a child who is scared is such an instinctive thing to do.

So then giving yourself that same empathy and, you know, trying to calm yourself down from, I would have panic attacks and things. So I'd have to like bring my levels down and, you know, speaking to yourself like a child. Yeah. As silly as it sounds can help. So you do, you like, we'll sit down and just talk out loud and say comforting things. Yeah. Whatever I need. Cause I'll get really tight in the chest and start just over nothing. Not even like I won't hear a noise or something. I just, all of a sudden it just dawns on me and.

Yeah, it gets better with a pet or children, but mostly therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would agree. All right, next question.

It's a cheating question. Firstly, I'm in complete shock that I'm in this situation. Yeah, that sucks. My husband and father of our three kids told me the day before Mother's Day, what a fucking jerk, via text while he was away from work that he got blackout drunk and had sex with someone while on a night out for a friend's birthday. What a catch. Imagine cheating but then being like, I'll just text her and tell her. I'll text her the day before Mother's Day. When I'm not home on Mother's Day.

Oh man. He says he doesn't remember and only confess because I bluffed. I had evidence.

Other than a hectic thrush infection and a strong hunch, I really didn't have any evidence, to be honest. Well played. And says he is ashamed and sorry, et cetera, et cetera, of all other things. I'm not angry and unfortunately understand where some of this kind of behavior like drinking to such excess comes from. He has childhood trauma, but I am devastated. We had a beautiful relationship, a wonderful life, and it feels like it's all covered in shit now.

So first question, will this feeling of sadness and shit covered relationship fade? Second question, do I have to come up with a list of demands, boundaries, changes that he needs to meet? Because that feels like a lot of hard work. Is it his responsibility to come up with such parameters?

And thirdly, do I have to tell people? I am worried my close friends and family will hate him beyond repair if I tell them, but also don't want to bear the load myself. Is the relief of support worth the inevitable hate towards him for the sake of our lives and our relationships?

This is, I mean, there are so many questions in this. Firstly. There is three. Yeah. Yeah. But there's so many paths to it. Like there's childhood trauma. There's obviously some sort of an addiction to alcohol. The way he told you, then all of your questions. Firstly, sorry that you're going through this. I love that you're not angry. Like maybe there's something in that, that you're not pulling yourself apart about it, but you're obviously absolutely devastated as you should be. He's your husband.

and you have children together and he's done the wrong thing. He only confessed because you got it out of him. Yeah, because you entrapped him. Yeah, and I wonder why you're not angry. I wonder if it's because in a way it doesn't come. You've said you're shocked, but I feel like maybe this hasn't come as a surprise. Like you're almost like, okay, cool. Like not shocked that shock that has happened, but...

I think also probably the level of remorse that he's showing is what makes you go, okay, well, that was really hurtful. But you know you're staying. She knows she's staying. This person is not leaving her husband right now. So that's not what – I just want to make it clear that is not the advice that she is seeking and so we're not going to sit here. I never say that. And tell you to leave your partner for this. Our advice is never that anyway. Well, sorry, I shouldn't say ours. I don't want to speak to you. My advice, generally speaking, isn't always just throwing the towel because –

I don't believe that it always is the answer. There is always so much to every single situation. You are definitely sympathetic to his childhood and I think that's why this isn't as hurtful for you maybe as it would be if he didn't have quite a troubled childhood. But that's not an excuse for behaviour. No way. That is...

It's a reason, but it's not an excuse. And that is something that he definitely needs to be working on. And maybe he didn't realize how bad it was until he has gone and done this.

It's not your responsibility to come up with the parameters of saying you need to do this, this and this. This is the boundary. Whilst it's not your responsibility, you still do need to put boundaries in place and have that conversation. Now that it has all come out, his behavior, that he has a problem, that he obviously drinks to blackout, that is not normal. It's not okay. It's not normal and not okay when you're not in a relationship. It's not normal and okay in a relationship. He definitely needs to go and seek help.

to work out why he's doing it and try and fix the problem because you can't just throw a bandaid on something. Like you need to go back to the source. He's got issues that he needs to go and get help with. And that is coming into your life and your world and your relationship and your children and your house, which is not okay. But you do need to talk to him and like, it's not going to help to say, Hey, look, I'm not even angry. Like let's sort this out. You need to put those boundaries in place and say like, if you are not going to try and seek help, um,

We're going to have huge issues and I don't know if I can be in this relationship because if there's no repercussions for something. Totally, there's no consequences. Yeah, there's no consequences or repercussions. People don't really know what's at stake to lose. And I know that sounds dramatic, but it's really not. Like if you don't draw a line somewhere, he'll continue to cross said invisible line. Totally. I think you are being wrong.

than accepting. I actually think you're almost being too accepting of the behavior. And it's obviously because you have a lot of empathy for the things that your husband has been through. Now, I...

Do not think that binge drinking to blackout is an excuse, just as you said, Britt. And it is very evident that when your husband hurts you, it's because he is drinking. So if he is going to go and behave like this, there is no reason why this won't happen again. So you've identified the problem.

It's the drinking. That may not be the root cause of why he's drinking, but he's still drinking. So it doesn't work for you to put boundaries in place with him. It doesn't work for you to say, you're not allowed to drink anymore. I need you to do X, Y, Z. Like those things don't actually work. Those boundaries have to come from him. They have to be supported by you. They have to be, you know, a conversation from you, but he's got to be the one that says, okay,

I massively fucked up. I understand why you were as hurt as what you are and I need to change something because if he doesn't change anything, he's going to do the same thing. And I would say that for somebody, it's not normal to get blackout drunk at all. No.

People who think binge drinking to the point where they get blackout drunk is just something they do with the boys once a month or whenever, it's not normal and it shouldn't happen. And if he went and spoke to someone or spoke to a therapist, they would tell him that he's an alcoholic if he's getting that drunk. That is all the hallmark signs of someone who is actually an alcoholic, getting drunk to that excess.

So yeah, look, I would say it is going to be hard work. He has completely, completely broken the trust and the foundations for the relationship that you have. You clearly want to work on this, but you can't just go back to the way it was, you know, three months ago and pretend like nothing happened and just smooth over it. And you've also said...

you know, is this going to fade this feeling of sadness and shit covered relationship? No, not if no one's doing anything. You can go back and pretend now, but it will come back and rear its ugly head. And the last question that you asked is, you know, do you have to tell people? Can you tell people? Should you tell people?

That's completely up to you. You do need to bear the load. I do think that. Like, I don't feel like you should take it all on yourself. And sometimes you need to, the same way you've written to us, you want advice and you want to talk about it with someone. I do think you need to, but...

You need to choose who that is. If that's either like a therapist or a counselor, someone maybe you're not that close to or a family member, or maybe it's someone you are close to, but you do need to be aware that it is highly likely they will hate him or they will dislike him. And you can't unhear something or unlearn something. So once these people know that he has cheated on you and put you through this and done these horrible things,

Even if you do work through it and they still are really lovely with him, they will always know what he did. Yeah, of course. It's always going to be tainted. It will change the relationship that you have with your friends. It will change the relationship that you have with your partner. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it will not be the same as it was. And that is something you need to consider when you –

talk about this and who you choose to talk about it with. Yeah. And I think, you know, look, there's so much in this. The one thing you said is, is the relief of support worth the inevitable hate towards him? How much do you need support right now? Because it sounds like you are totally prioritizing everything about his feelings and

his emotions. Like he is being put at the center of your world right now in the way that you frame this question and you want to repair the relationship and you also want to support him, but who's supporting you? And also you're not the one who fucked this up. Like you need support too. So maybe it's one friend. Maybe it is go. If you don't want something totally impartial, maybe it's a therapist, but by all accounts, it doesn't actually sound like you're the one who needs therapy in this relationship.

You might need therapy so that you can draw better boundaries, but it sounds like he does. It really sounds like he actually needs a bit of help. And I understand everyone can fuck up. Like it's a possibility. I'm not going to say like, I don't think that everyone cheats. I don't think that cheating is a totally abnormal and really bad

horrible thing to do in your relationship, but it does happen and people can be incredibly remorseful for it. However, if he's still going out and getting blackout drunk, the reason why this is never going to go away isn't necessarily because he is going to cheat on you again. It's because every single time he goes out and gets drunk with the boys, you're going to think that he is. So your insecurity is going to build. You're not going to be able to get over this and you're not going to be able to trust him again. So changes have to be made.

It is going to be hard and you have to work through it together if you want it to work.

But it's not up to you to enforce those boundaries. It's not up to you to enforce the change on him. It's up to him to actually prove to you that he is remorseful in ways that go beyond just words and actually do something to show you that he's not going to have this behavior again in your relationship and is worthy of the forgiveness. Yeah, and it's so evident your response to this and the way you're handling it and how considered you are. It's evident how much you love your partner. Totally. Which is...

And like, you do want to help and support him because you know, it sounds like it is something that is out of the blue and you're

You know, you mentioned he has his history. But the success of this relationship comes down to his response and what he does. If somebody is not willing to put in the work to change after something like this, so devastating like this, then I don't see how the relationship will end up being happy and successful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. And for anybody who's ever been cheated on or has had like a huge betrayal in a relationship, just know that like...

words and apologies actually mean fuck all. Like it's action that means something. So if people are seemingly so remorseful, if they're crying, sometimes that's a really good way of getting you to feel empathy for them. But at the end of the day, they're the one who created this situation. Of course you have empathy for them. Of course you can feel sad about where things are at because of their actions. But like don't give up the way you feel sad for yourself and for what's happened to you and to the relationship you had because of

what they've done. Like, alright, that's us, let's get out of here. We've got lives to live now. We're living them. Oh, no, we've actually got to go do another recording. We've got an interview. If you want to go and watch any of this on YouTube, all of the episodes are on YouTube. Go and watch us in the flesh. You can see me in my shoes and no socks. And you know the drill. Say mum, say dad, say dog, say friends and share the love. Because we're