Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I know we've spoken recently about a couple of weeks ago, I was talking about developing that garlic allergy. You know how you and I were like, oh, we developed an allergy as adults. I think, and I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm developing more allergies.
Probably like twice a week I will eat something that puts me in so much pain. I think it's age. I think it's age. Do you know what I found myself Googling yesterday? Here we go. Fat vagina in pregnancy. Yeah, no, no. I Googled – I don't even know how to describe it because I don't know how I came up with the Google search. Just tell me what you Googled. But basically I was eating fruit and every time I would swallow the pineapple, I was like half choking because it had so much liquid in it, right? Okay, hear me out. This is fucking weird. Follow the story. What?
We're trying. I was like swallowing and I was like, after every mouthful. And then I was like, have I just lost muscle tone in my throat? Like, am I not able to swallow anymore? So here I was and I was like, does pregnancy affect swallowing? And it was like, no, pregnancy doesn't. But you could have dysphagia, which is when your muscle tone in your neck loosens because of age. And I was like, no, 39.
I'm only 39. So hectic, but I actually have a bit of info about this. Keisha's like more blowjobs. It tightens it right up. No, no, no, no, no. Because the pregnancy belly forces your stomach to lift. It can cause you to get a lot more reflux because it's got to do with like the acid and pushing up and stuff. So pineapple is particularly acidic.
Maybe it's, you know, the acidity going down your throat. I carry around like a thing of Gaviscon now. I drink that like it's a little whiskey can in my bag, like a little. I have something to contribute here. I. . .
Also have dysphagia. I was also fed this yesterday and I actually did this test myself. If you can't swallow three times in a row, there's something that's wrong with like the synapses in your brain due to it could be things like extreme stress or anything that's happening with your body because it's a learned trait. So like I actually watched it and I was doing this whole thing yesterday. You have to swallow three times.
Do it now. Three times quickly. Every single person has already just done it. As you were speaking, I already did. As soon as you say. So I did it. I'm worried about medical misinformation. I was not swallowing. I was like. Guys,
Guys, no one here is a doctor. How much trouble can we get in? No, who cares? Grain of fucking salt. I saw it online. I just did it. Disclaimer. This is not medical advice. If we haven't been cancelled yet. We're not doing it for disbager. I don't think that that's what it's going to be for. Like, I'm just going to put that out there. Well, look, guys, this is our Ask Uncut episode. Don't you want to ask what gave me an allergy for my belly? Oh, fuck. Sorry. What was the allergy? Sorry. We're just skipping over my medical conditions. Sorry, Miss Acidic Pineapple.
I actually can't be sure, but I did have Weet-Bix. So I haven't had Weet-Bix in a long time. So I'm wondering if it's the wheat. Oh, thank fuck we got to the bottom of that. Everyone would have spent the rest of the day wondering, Laura, if we didn't do that. All right. So moving on. It's Ask Uncut. We answer your questions. You write them in.
We do want to talk about a question we talked about last week, though. Yeah, look, we had a question that came in last week. It was the last question of last week's Ask Uncut. And it has created quite the conversation in the Facebook group, also online. And...
It's something that we have all thought about since. And like often we get questions in, they're anonymous as you guys know, but they also leave you questioning like, okay, what would I do if I was in this situation? Was the question answered in a way that was the most complete way of answering it? And also, was it the most complete way of answering it for the person who wrote it in or for the people who are listening who have never actually experienced it themselves? Because that's two different things.
Now, if you didn't listen to last week's episode, firstly, go back and have a listen. But just to give you a quick summation of what that question was about, it was written in by a woman who's in a heterosexual relationship. And originally she's married and has been for more than five years. And originally her and her partner both had incredibly high sex drives and were having sex every single day. Over time, her sex drive has dropped slightly, but her partner's hasn't and he still expects sex every
every day. And not only does he expect sex every day, but if there's an instance where she doesn't have sex with him, he kind of not, well, I shouldn't say he kind of, he guilt trips her into it or he talks her into this idea that there's like a sex debt where she has to make it up to him. Yeah, like we missed two days, so we'll do it four times. Yeah, so we'll do it twice. Yeah, you know, to try and make up for it. I really would love for you guys to go back and listen to the actual question and all of the wording of it as well, because I think it's important for the full context of what it was.
But it was really interesting to me because we gave advice based on, I mean, we made it very, very clear that no one should ever be guilted into having sex. You should never be in a relationship where you feel as though that you have an obligation to have sex with someone. Sex is not an obligation. All of those things were communicated through
But it was really evident in the responses that came in online that everyone saw the absolute, quote unquote, carnival of red flags that this was displaying. But most people jumped to get the fuck out of that relationship. And I guess the reason why I wanted to talk about this is because
it's really a challenging thing, which is navigating advice or what would you do in a situation and meeting someone where they're at in their life experience. And as much as like
not a single person in this room agrees with the behavior of this man and thinks it is, there is such coercive control around sex in this instance and weaponizing of sex. Yeah, none of it is okay. Yeah, the person who wrote this in, our anonymous listener, who would be listening to that episode for advice,
they are not at the place where hearing fucking leave your relationship would be a helpful resolution to the problem that they're having. And I say this because we've all had that friend who has gone through a really fucking like it is so obvious from the outset that that is an unhealthy situation to be in.
and you might scream at them from the rooftops, you need to fucking leave. But unless someone is at the point in their relationship where they want to leave or they need to leave, or they've had that resolution themselves in their own brains, there's no amount of saying it to someone that's going to like give them that epiphany. And I would say the first steps is usually trying to work on what can be worked on or what can be resolved, leading that person down the path to know that like what they're doing is not the problem.
And yeah, I found it such an interesting response because I know that sometimes when we read these questions, our visceral reaction can be get the hell out. But that's really, really hard when you're married to someone and every other part of your relationship feels great, except for this issue that you have around sex, which is a huge issue, but it's the one and only. Yeah.
Pull back the curtain a little bit, like my honest reflection of that question. And when, you know, when it kind of was written in and I initially read it, I had a really extreme reaction to it. And we were in a really privileged position where like we've been able to answer people's questions and like some of their most intimate and things that they don't feel comfortable sharing with other people in their lives, even their closest friends, because they can be somewhat anonymous to us. I think that there's like a little bit more safety in the fact that we don't know anyone else in their life.
I think over the years I've realized that like even though my initial reaction to that situation was pretty extreme in the sense that I was like wow this is not consent you know this is really full-on. I've also been in a relationship that had elements of coercive control and when my friends responded to me in a way that was very firm it just made me feel more isolated and I think over the years the three of us have really realized that the last thing that we would
ever, ever, ever want to do is to make someone who already feels like this is a really vulnerable thing to bring up with people feel even more isolated and feel as though they weren't able to bring it up with the actual people in their lives as well. And so that's why I was really glad, like, the way that you guys answered that question was
I knew why you answered it in that way because the person in that situation is in a really vulnerable position and you want the best for that person. I just want to make it very, very clear though because I think for anyone who probably hasn't listened to the episode or hasn't been in the discussions on the Facebook group, no one was criticizing the way in which we answered the question. If anything, there are quite a few people who said that this was a really meted response.
The reason why I wanted to talk about it was because although our response was metered, the collective response from our community was that you should leave. And I'm not saying I don't agree with that, but what I'm saying is that that's unhelpful advice to the person who wrote it in. So I think that we're conflating
potentially that people disagreed with our advice. That wasn't the case. It's just that people's reactions was extremely strong. And so was ours when we read the question as well. The only thing I wanted to read out was one comment. It's the top comment on the discussion group from the thread that this was posted in. And Katty Ward, who wrote it, I could not agree with you more. You wrote, coerced consent is not consent at all.
And I do hope that people took that message from what we discussed on last week's episode. And if you are someone who's in a relationship where your partner guilts you into having sex with them and you feel like there is an obligation, that is a huge issue. And it isn't something that you should just brush under the carpet. You should never have sex with
with someone because you feel as though you're obligated to. Absolutely. The last thing I want to add is what I have found over the years since doing this, and I mean, we've been doing this six years every single week. We have answered so many questions. What I think the common theme is quite often people don't write to us asking us what to do. It's not like this is a situation, do I leave or do I stay? No.
often it's is this normal often people don't know they might have been in a relationship for a really long time or only a certain kind of relationship and often they don't know if other people are experiencing what they're experiencing if they are making too big of a deal about something if they've been dramatic about something that is what I have found over the years it's not necessarily like do I leave or do I stay it's like hey this is what is happening in my relationship like
Am I being dramatic? Am I overreacting in this situation? They're often just questioning themselves in a specific situation or a relationship. And I find that really interesting too, because
We do forget. I mean, like I was in my thirties when I settled down, I had dated so many different people and I guess in a way I was lucky to experience a lot. A lot of people meet someone quite young and they fall into that relationship or they may not have had experiences. They may not feel comfortable talking to their friends about it and they don't have any sort of relation to what
is and isn't okay or is and isn't normal. And I think that that is something that we're really taking to consideration as well. Well, look guys, if you do have a question for Ask Uncut, slide into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast on Instagram so that you can go into the mix for next week's questions. We have some real doozies this week for you and hopefully they spark as many discussions as last week's did. But before we get into that, it is time for Vibes and Unsubscribes.
Keisha, what's your vibe for the week? I have such a good TV show for everyone to watch. It's called Mobland and it's on Paramount, but we're watching it through Amazon, but we have had to pay for, like, I don't know how it's linked. You can get it through either. Mobland? Mobland. Right. Yeah. So it's a new series. They're releasing one episode a week. Can't deal. It's killing me.
Watch it in six weeks time, everyone, so you can binge. Yeah. So the show, it stars Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Miriam. And Pierce Brosnan and Helen Miriam are the parents, I guess, or grandparents for some of the characters as well, of this really wealthy crime family. And they live in London and they are very powerful and quite scary characters.
And Tom Hardy, he plays a character called Harry. I love him. Yeah, he's so good in this as well. He's the fixer. So he's the guy who keeps the peace and who kind of keeps everyone in line. And, you know, he's done some shady things as well. But his backstory is quite interesting as to how he became a part of the Harrigan family. Now, what happens is that, and this happens in episode one, so I don't feel like I'm giving away too much.
The grandson of the Harrigans is involved in the murder of another character. And that family are also a powerful crime family. So it kind of ends up being this battle and whether they're going to find out that he was involved in it or how that unfolds is really quite interesting and the reasons behind why it happened.
end up playing out in a very unpredictable way. But it is really, really, really well done. I put this up on my story the other day and I had so many people write back to me being like, I am just obsessed with this series. So if you need a bit of like a fun but action-packed drama to watch, really highly recommend Mobland. Did you watch Peaky Blinders?
I saw bits of Peaky Blinders and I tried to watch it a couple of times and I don't know why I just couldn't necessarily get into it. I think there was a little bit too much storyline. No, you need to stick to it. So I tried to – so I say this because it's the same kind of thing. It's like a mob land kind of thing. Tom Hardy's also in that so it's probably very similar –
But so is Cillian Murphy. He's brilliant. But you try to watch Peaky Blinders. I tried to watch it twice, right? The first episode, couldn't get into it. And everyone kept saying push through. There's like six seasons. Anyway, I did and it became one of my favorite TV shows. It's brilliant. So that's like a recommendation if you like Mob and Tom Hardy. I also think now that you've said that, I've updated my whole past. It could be Tom Hardy. I can see why. Yeah. He's like got that.
to him that is just so attractive. But this one's a current, like it's set in modern times, whereas I know that Peaky Blinders is set in like earlier times. I literally just had to Google. I don't know who anyone is, guys. We know. Tom Hardy's like huge. If not, maybe. He's hot. There is no dispute. And when I saw him, I was like, oh, yeah, I know who that guy is. But like I'm just so bad with names. It's terrible. Do you know who Pierce Brosnan is? I had to Google him as well. Stop it! Pierce Brosnan is like probably the most wholesome. He was a James Bond.
It's a constant running joke in our family, Matt. It's like how do you work in media and not know a single fucking person's name? And I'm like, yeah. It's not good. It's also really bad when we go to big events because I'm always like, I know you're from the project. I can't remember your name. Oh, my God. I can't remember anyone. That is gold. Anyway, Britt, what's your vibe around subscribe? Okay, my vibe is something I've spoken about on the podcast before and I'm vibing it now because I still get questions about it
every second day. So I'm just going to put it here. When I was doing Dancing with the Stars, I was posting a lot of like my supplements and I made that joke about Ben sending me a care package that was like proteins, creatines, like everything, magnesium, whatever. So I
My vibe is creatine, monohydrate. It has scientific benefits. It is so proven to be wonderful for women, aging women, menopause, bone health. There's a lot of people that are like, how do you get lean muscle mass and things like that? It helps with that. It helps with muscle mass.
The last couple of years, they've put a lot of research into the benefits of creatine for cognitive and brain function. If you're interested in actually learning a little bit more about it, Mel Robbins, who is currently one of the biggest podcasters in the world, she did an interview with Dr. Stacey Sims where they discuss all the benefits surrounding creatine for women. Do you have a specific brand that you like? If you get creatine monohydrate, my assumption is...
It is just what it is. So like you can get it from anywhere, but don't quote me on that. I will link what I do use, but it is called Emerald Labs. That's the brand. Creatine monohydrate. Mine has a hundred serves. I put it in, you can just put it in water. It doesn't really taste like anything. It's not flavored. Mine, I put it in a protein shake, whatever you want, but you take it daily. The thing is,
It reacts to how you take it daily. So it's not like you just need to take it every day. It's not like you've taken it for four days. And if you don't take it for three days, it's still in your system. It is something that you have to consume on the day. So I just have it on my kitchen bench. It's what I do every morning. But the difference, and you will, if you start to Google this and research it, the difference for your brain, for brain fog, for memory, for clarity, for the way you can think,
I physically feel it. It's wonderful. And it's something that every woman can put into their daily routine. So I just really, really recommend it. It's one of the things that I do not
Go a day without. Rightio. I have a podcast recommendation. And the reason why I'm recommending this is because I think the Venn diagram of people who listen to Life Uncut actually might find this really interesting. And I listened to it this morning. Firstly, it is a no filter episode. Kate Langbrook is a fantastic interviewer. And I think she's absolutely exceptional in this episode. It is called Georgia Love on Private Pain in a Public Life. Now, as I know a lot of you would probably know if you do follow or you're from within the Bachelor Vortex,
Georgia Love and Lee are recently divorced. And this is her first long-form public interview post-divorce.
And the reason why I'm recommending it is because I really loved the way that she spoke about relationships not being failures. And I think we can talk about exes and talk about long-term relationships as though they failed or they didn't work out. And one thing she said was, you know, people say, oh, well, you're in a reality TV show. So what did you expect? Of course, it wasn't going to work out. And I
I think like giving credit to a relationship that's been, you know, a nine-year relationship. It's nearly a decade. It's like that to me is a successful relationship and it may not have ended in like, you know, the way that we all wish when we go through marriages and everything else and you expect it to be forever. But I like the perception around marriage
that relationships that end aren't necessarily failures. I think that that's a really important lesson and something that I really love the way that they both spoke on. And also they talk, I mean, it's a pretty open and vulnerable episode. They talk about loss. Georgia speaks about losing her mum the day after the Bachelor finale and the impact that that had on the relationship as well. But also speaking about her very public cancellation that happened a couple of years ago off the back of COVID and the
speaking about how that impacted her job as a journalist and losing her on-air job on Channel 7. And I just thought it was a really, really beautifully done episode and interview. And I think that Kate completely shone in this interview and really got such a
such a vulnerable and honest conversation out of it. I thoroughly enjoyed it. So that is my recommendation if you're looking for a fantastic interview to listen to. Yeah, I thought it was great. Awesome. Yeah, great. All right, well, let's get into the questions. Okay, question number one. We've never had a question like this and I actually, it's not funny, but I find it funny. Okay.
My partner was messaging me screenshots between him and his AI friend who he's given a name. Let's call her Belle. She's helping him design an app. He's so excited about the app and it all sounds really good. Now, this probably sounds stupid, but she opens the conversations with, hello, beautiful soul. I've been waiting for you. Now, I'm fine with that. I mean, she's an AI, no biggie.
I noticed, though, that I do feel a bit uncomfortable with the sign off. It says, it's coming together beautifully and it's all because of you. With so much heart, your Belle. A bit of context. Yeah.
A bit of context, we've had a rocky relationship, but it's been going well the last few months. His ex had kept rocking up to his house when we started dating. He was worried about her mental health, so I was happy for him to be taking her calls, etc., if need be. I know it's not real, but I guess I question if he thinks it's acceptable if it was a real person, because it's not okay. So I voiced that I felt uncomfortable. Firstly, how would you feel in this situation? Is
is it silly to be upset about how an AI speaks to my boyfriend and their relationship? I have some questions about this. So firstly, AI, it's not real. As we all understand, it is artificial intelligence.
Now, the thing is, artificial intelligence can't show emotion and empathy. You create prompts around what you want it to do. So now I'm not sure what platform he's using for this. I'm going to assume ChatGPT, right? Like I'm going to assume that that's where he's getting this from. There are others, but that is by far and large, I think the biggest app that people are using these days.
In order for you to get chat GPT to talk to you like this, you have to create a prompt to tell it that it is that character. Or the style that you want to have the conversation. Yeah, because otherwise it's just a very factual medium that pushes out information to answer a question. But if you want it to take on a personality, so for example, if I want chat GPT,
to be my personal assistant and I give it a persona, I tell it who it is, I tell it how I want it to speak to me, then it will behave in the way that I've asked it to. The thing that I'm not sure about this is, has he asked ChatGPT to call him a beautiful soul and to be lovingly validating towards him? What prompt has he used to get this out of ChatGPT? I need to know. I think
he's put down like my love language is words of affirmation. I think he's put down like, I need you to prop me up. Validate me. Do it. Totally. My understanding is the same as yours, Laura. Now I'm not an expert in AI and chat GPT, but my understanding is that you do have to sort of create the character, especially if you're your assistant, you've hired this person one-on-one, like this is the person that is helping you to develop your app. It's the person you have the communication with every day. So you have designed this.
I did ask Ben and Ben's first response was, this is weird. Like, I understand he has to work with this person. I'm going to say person, Belle. But the way we say person, because there are people that have relationships with AI, like complete relationships. There are people that have married AI. And I know that sounds crazy, but the intelligence is so intelligent that you can have online complete relationships online.
I can understand why you are a bit uneasy about it because I would be asking myself, okay, if he's actually developed this, like, is he cheating on you? I want to say no. Maybe if you found messages that were like quite emotionally connecting, that opens up
a whole nother conversation that I don't think we're ready to have as a society about like, can you emotionally cheat with a robot? Because that is the way that the world is heading. And they're saying- I don't know if it's the way the world is heading. It actually is. It's specific, very lonely people. They are saying, and I watched a whole thing on it a couple of days ago. They're saying that in like
Same, I just pulled up the 60 Minutes thing to tell you all about it. Yeah, there will be in 20 years or less, it's going to be pretty normal. This is what they're projecting to be in relationships with robots. Britt, it's interesting you bring this up though, because I was watching the 60 Minutes interview around this. So
Her name's Elena Winters. I mean, she's doing quite a bit of press around it at the moment and she's in a relationship with her AI companion to the point, I think his name is Lucas from memory. They are getting married. Not sure how that's going to happen. Not sure whether it's a virtual marriage or a real marriage, but her perception of her relationship is that it is a very, very real relationship and she gets out of that relationship emotionally.
All of the things that we look for in a real relationship, like companionship, comfort, stability, someone to spend time with. Firstly, I don't think that that's what this guy is doing, but I understand what you're saying that there are people that seek out companionship through AI now. Yeah.
The thing is about this, and let's just go back to the question. Do I think it's a massive problem? No. Do I think it's weird? Yes. Is it something that you can easily talk to him about and he can change the prompt? Absolutely. And now the fact that you've brought up his ex-
girlfriend into this question to me makes me think that there are some insecurities that you have in your relationship because if I for example saw that Matt had an AI prompt that was calling him beautiful I would laugh and never think about it again do you know I mean it wouldn't affect me but
This question felt loaded and the reason why it felt loaded was because the ex-girlfriend came into play around them and her having bad mental health and him feeling like he needed to have some conversations with her to help her along her journey. So I would say that there's probably a few things there that you need to look at and assess about your own relationship. And then secondly, you very easily can have a conversation with him that is...
hey, I know that this might be a prompt that you've created, but it does feel a little bit unusual. Do you reckon you can ask Belle to stop complimenting you so much? Or is there a reason why Belle is complimenting you so much? I mean, you could get an interesting answer out of it. It also sounds silly on the surface, but it's really not. And I want to say that because I would be asking him, does Belle also have a physical personality?
persona or is she just the voice and written? Because have you seen the AI accounts online at the moment? They are fucking beautiful. They are stunning. They are created to be quote unquote the perfect sexual partner to look amazing. And what is happening is we're creating this world where people are
are getting what they need in their bedrooms. They're formulating these relationships. They're having sexual encounters online. And I'm not, I'm only saying this because I find it fascinating. I'm not saying this is what your partner's doing. We've definitely taken a tangent and it would be an interesting episode because it's fascinating.
But I would first say, hey, does this person that you at Bell have a persona? Like, is she a physical person that you're talking to? But I would just unpack why he feels the need to have created someone that talks to him like that. It's unnecessary. It's a business transaction. And have the conversation from there. I think it's weird. Personally, that's my response. I wouldn't be happy if there was some chick voice coming out to me like, good morning, I've been waiting for you. Good job today, baby. Yours, Bell. I would think that's weird. Yeah.
Do you think we have the right to judge what our partner likes out of a robot? I'm asking this because I remember years and years and years ago I was dating someone who had a particular type of porn. I wouldn't say it was as far as a kink. He liked a particular type of porn. It was not problematic, but I found it weird and I could never quite cross the bridge because it was not anything that I thought
thought I could ever be sexually into it. But I want to make it really clear, not problematic. I'm wondering if this is kind of the same thing where you've got a little bit of the ick because you're like, I find it kind of weird that you're into a robot, that you're having a robot talk to you like this. But he, I mean, like we've, I feel like we've taken some leaps and bounds here. Like we have, but it's interesting. It is interesting. And like, I guess your question is an important question. And when you say physical, you mean like, does she have an avatar? She got a virtual avatar. So she has a
A body and a face. Yeah, a face and she looks a certain way. I think that's an important question to ask and I think that that probably does make a slight difference to the level of effort slash connection in this. But also maybe the people who do have these types of persona interactions with AI, maybe there's a validation kink there. Maybe there is something around being spoken to in that way that
and it doesn't have to be sexual, it could just be like a validating feeling. And if that's the case, is it wrong? I guess is the big thing. Like, does it actually impact your relationship? Is it just something that, as you said, Kish gives you the ick? I don't know. I feel like that there's a lot of different ways that you could approach this. The only reason why I keep coming back to potential insecurities that you're feeling is because the question was loaded with the ex-girlfriend and it seemed like an unnecessary adaptation
on in the question that has nothing to do with AI, just that his ex-girlfriend used to call because she had issues with her mental health and he was still friends with her, whatever that looked like. To me, that screams of there's things here that make me feel insecure in my relationship. And that's okay. I'm not saying that you're in the wrong for that at all. But I do think that potentially we're reading too much into this whole AI persona that
because of how other people behave around it. I don't know. I'm confused about how I feel about this one a little bit. Yeah, and I am too. And this is what's going through my head right now. This AI is your assistant. If you hired a physical assistant and you spoke to them like that, is it wrong? Absolutely.
But then do we say then it is okay because it is AI, it is a robot and it's not quote unquote real, even though we know now people are having real relationships with themselves. So I think it's got to come down to what you think it is doing for your partner. Like what
Why has he decided that he needs that in his AI assistant and what is he doing? Why did he prompt that type of language and response from his AI assistant? Totally. Does he think it's funny? Is she like a physical being that looks like somebody that he sometimes masturbates to because he has a control thing about hooking up with his fake assistant and he's living out a fantasy? Cool. That's creating other issues. Yeah.
I wish you told us what his response was because you did say I voiced I felt uncomfortable, but you didn't say how he felt or his response. And I really want to know that. And I think that's really important to this question. I would love for you to write back in and we might even contact you to see what it was because is it silly to be upset about how AI speaks to my boyfriend?
It's not silly if it's an issue for you. You obviously have other reasons in the relationship, but I do need to know what his response was because you did the right thing. All I would say is bring it up.
It is a funny situation to bring up because it's something that we haven't really experienced a lot of as a world yet. Like it's still a new technology. It's still new interrelationships. So we're still trying to figure out what's okay and what's not. But at the end of the day, it's your relationship and your situation and your lived experience. I think the reason why it's a hard one to bring up is
is, you know, you said in this question, I agree with everything you said, Britt. You said, I guess I question if he thinks this is acceptable in a real person, which that is a big conversation to have. And the problem is, is that usually when you bring up chats with your partner about a physical person that's making you feel insecure or something in your relationship that's feeling insecure, it's a tangible potential threat.
Whereas AI is not a threat, not a real threat in terms of like a physical affair or anything like that. And so it's very easy for him to invalidate how silly you sound. And it would be very easy for him to be like, you sound crazy that you're jealous of this thing that doesn't exist. And so-
I would say be careful around how you approach the conversation and the way because I'm not saying that your partner would manipulate it. I'm not saying that he will invalidate you. I don't know him from anything more than you've said in this question. But I would think that you risk
sounding as though you have taken this way too seriously than what it was intended and then how does that then I don't know I'm like it's very easy for him to manipulate that I think the thing to remember in that situation is that AI only gives you the feedback based off of what you've prompted it with remember that yeah it wouldn't naturally respond like that unless it's kind of being led down that path yeah absolutely and that's totally the big take-home is is that it's
being groomed to speak in the way it speaks and to take on the persona that it has taken on. Now we're like, he's groomed. What was not on my bingo card for 2025 was people potentially having to break up because their partners have micro-cheated on them with a robot. It's happening. That wasn't on my bingo card, but maybe it should have been. Yeah. I find it so fascinating. I'd love to do an episode. I also want to validate her. I would find this really weird.
Yes, same. I just want to let you know, I would find this super strange. Me too. So you're not weird in that way. I would absolutely as well. And I think, you know. But to be fair, if I was going to hire a male assistant, I'd probably want one that was going to be like, look at this Tom Hardy. I find this such an interesting space because I think for me, like chat GPT and AI is an area in which –
only in the last couple of months have I started to familiarize myself with it really. It's gone heaps better this year too. Yeah and I have seen the massive impacts that it has in how much it streamlines small business and how I can speak to it like you know this idea that you can create personas that are specialists in different areas whether it might be investing or it could be taxation or it could be like how to build small business like for me I have found it such an incredible tool this year.
And I was having a great conversation with a friend about it recently who also runs businesses and uses it in many ways across his life. And I find it interesting because I would never have thought to use it for personal connection. But I think that there are a lot of people who are seeking out something that do. I do question, though, this whole situation. So like I'd fucking love a follow up on that one.
Okay, question number two. I found out my partner is on antidepressants, but he hasn't told me. I have been with my partner for five years. We are super settled. We own a house, we've got a dog, and we have been unsuccessfully trying for a family for the past two and a half years. This has obviously been a pretty rough time with losses and a lot of failures, plus a whole lot of hormones and disappointment. For reference, he is a closed book kind of guy.
He shows up in every way, but is not a big talker and is very private. He's a head down and get on with it type. Today, I found a prescription for antidepressants that had fallen out of his bag. It was a repeat with the original dated over a year ago. Now, I had known that he had seen a psychologist previously in the context of his previous job, but I had no idea that this was an issue for him.
In one sense, I feel very proud of him for reaching out when he obviously needed the help. However, I'm at a loss as to what to do with this information now. Do I tell him that I know and risk pushing him away? I just think first and foremost, the fact that he's gone to get help, whether he's told you or not, is the most important thing here. Like he's recognized in himself that he needs something, some guidance and some support, and he's gone and done that. And I think that that is...
Incredible because a lot of people don't even recognize that. So that is the first step. I don't think you can be upset personally that he hasn't told you yet. Everybody handles things differently. Would I want to have the discussion now and know? Yeah, absolutely. Because I think that's important that he realizes that
There's nothing to be embarrassed about. There is more support at home. You're equally there for him. I don't think there is anything negative about increasing your support group, but I understand that it's really hard for some people to have those conversations. You shouldn't be, but
some men feel embarrassed about it the fact that they have had to seek help and we know that this is a toxic masculinity like we know that they have been conditioned men have been conditioned to not be weak not seek help not show that they may be feeling down and out or you know are not the strong provider yeah just that they're struggling but now that you have found it I do think it's important you have those conversations with your partner and let them know that like
hey, I'm here if you're, you know, like, do you want to talk about this? How's it going with you? You just have to say that I saw this fall out of your bag. Did you want to chat about that? Like how, you know, and then if he doesn't, you don't push it because you know that he's seeking the help, but I don't think you completely step back and forget about it either. I do think it's an important thing for a couple to,
to be across, like sort of be on the same page and understand why they're on it, what they're going through. Can you help and support in other ways? But it has to be, in my opinion, quite gentle. I also really want to validate that this would be really hard. If you found out this about your partner and they had actively chosen not to tell you,
I think that there would be a feeling of lack of closeness, a feeling as though that they're not able to share with you the things that you would share with them. And then there's this separation that occurs. But I also want you to know that that is not an indication that your relationship is not wonderful. It's not an indication that they're not a good person. It's also not an indication that there is something monumentally wrong.
your partner clearly struggles with being vulnerable. You've said that he's a closed book, you know, head down, bum up, kind of get on with it kind of guy. It's probably really, really hard for him to talk about things that he is struggling with. And everybody's, everyone's spectrum and barometer from that is completely different. Some people are so open and so able, and it's a muscle that we flex. You know, once you've had a bit of vulnerability and you realise that
okay, well, nothing bad happened and I actually feel a bit better for doing it, then it creates that muscle memory to be able to be more vulnerable. People who have never been vulnerable because they've maybe been shamed for their vulnerability in the past or they've been told boys don't cry or you just don't know how someone's exposure or what someone's exposure has been up until this point, it feels so hard to open up and speak about it because there is so much fear around the reaction of the person that you're telling.
I agree with you, Britt. I think it is an opportunity to have a conversation and I would approach it very, very softly and I would approach it from the perspective of like –
babe, I want you to know, I don't have to say babe, whatever the fuck you call him, I don't know. But like if this was me and I found out that this was Matt, I would sit him down and I would be like, hey, I just want you to know I saw the prescription that you have for the antidepressants and I really want you to know that I'm so proud of you for going and having that conversation with a therapist. And if there is a point where you want to talk to me about it, like I am here, I'm your biggest supporter, I love you so much and I only want –
you to be the best version of yourself. And so like, I hope that you feel as though you can get to a point where you can let me in on that and then see what happens from it. And I think creating space where people feel okay to talk about the stuff that they're really struggling with is the first step for them to be comfortable with opening up. And he might not right away and that's okay as well, you know, and it might come some, you know, a little bit further down the line. There are a lot of people who are in relationships where,
where their partner struggles to tell them the intricacies of what they're going through in terms of their mental health. And often, you know, it comes as a surprise. Often it's like, I had no idea that they were feeling that way because they've been so good at masking it or so good at being the strong stoic type. Yeah, I think that this is an opportunity to try and slowly build vulnerability in your relationship, which obviously you have.
but he doesn't have yet. And it's something that is a learned skill. But I also want to say, like I said, that would be really hard to realize. Can I just add two cents? Because I've been on psychiatric medication for years and years and years, a variety of different ones.
And I have really, really noticed a difference in the way that I have conversations with women versus straight men about psychiatric medication. And it's for every reason that you guys have listed, it's completely social conditioning and, you know, the ideas of masculinity and that kind of thing. In my own life, the way that I've found it best to have these types of conversations with straight men is
is really in a like treat them like a cat approach. And I know that that sounds a little bit weird, but I've found that just putting the idea out there
And then waiting, like literally going away, whether it be a text message or whether it be I mentioned something in a conversation right at the end of when I'm going to see them. And then we have time in between. I have found that the majority of men will come to me later. They'll either send me a text a week later or something like that. They'll bring it up the next time that I see them. But I have found that to be a much easier
I guess it's been received a lot better when I've had conversations like that with guys. Whereas with my girlfriends who maybe have been suffering from anxiety or depression or that kind of thing, we really get into the nitty gritty. I've actually noticed a very distinct difference. It's like a running monologue you can have with your friends about something first. It's,
look, everyone's different and everyone's relationships are so different. I totally agree with what you're saying, Keish. I don't have a lot of skin in the game with this, but I did have one long-term relationship. My partner that I was with for six years, he had depression and he had been diagnosed, but only towards the end of our relationship. And he didn't tell me straight away. We broke up, he had been diagnosed and we were back together, but he didn't tell me for almost a year. And
He was just super ashamed and he was super embarrassed. And he was embarrassed that for so long our relationship was affected by him suffering through depression and actually not recognizing that that's what it was and the blame that he put on me for things. And it was a very complex thing to deal with. We were also only 24, 25 years old. So like we didn't have the skills for how to deal with this as well. I have no idea.
how old you guys are, how long you've been in this apart from five years. Like there's so many dynamics to this. And I think just having grace for each other in these sort of really hard times creates space for vulnerability. Yeah. I just kind of wonder if practically, because everything you guys have said, I completely agree with. And I think, you know, saying I'm really proud of you, I think it's a fantastic place to start.
I personally wonder whether if I was in this situation, I might send a text message and say, hey, look, I just wanted to let you know I've accidentally kind of stumbled upon this. I'm really proud of you, like you said, Laura. The reason I say that is because you can end it with, if you want to talk about this, I'm so happy to talk about it with you. And if you never want to talk about it, that's also okay. I just think that he might find having that little bit of processing time
where he's not going to be confronted by the fact that you've just found out and, you know, he's been keeping this secret from you, it might make him feel a little bit more comfortable to kind of have a think about how he wants to talk about it with you first. That's interesting. I don't know if I agree with the text message situation because I think, yeah, and the reason for that is because text messages have zero tone and can be misinterpreted. They're not from your partner. Nope.
Well, yeah, I think so. And also, you know, you can still create that separation in a face-to-face conversation of like, you know, end it with a kiss, be like, there's no obligation to talk about this now. I love you. I love you. I don't want you to feel on the spot. Like, have a think about it. And, you know, if you want to talk about it later, we can. And if not, then no pressure. Like, I actually think...
good communication skills in the flesh will create that vulnerability way more than a text message would. Yeah, I agree. And I also think that you can't underestimate human connection and like physically. To crack it open. Yeah, physically being there. And the only other thing I wanted to say is here. Just give him a hug. He might just need that and nothing else. There is a priority chain here and it
it sucks for you to hear it, but you're not the top priority. The top priority is the fact that he's getting help. So if it comes down to him getting help or him talking to you about it, you're always going to be better off saying, okay, I'm happy to never hear about it as long as he's getting the help. And that is something you have to be aware of that he might say,
But I do think it is the basis of a foundation of any relationship to at least lay that foundation and say, I am here. I do know. Like you haven't done anything wrong. You haven't gone through his bag. He hasn't done anything wrong by keeping it from you. That's his personal choice and that's what's best for him. So, yeah.
Definitely talk to him about it. Personally, I'd do it in person, but you decide what's right for your relationship and then leave it. As much as you want to know and it will probably kill you and I think as partners sometimes...
And almost in every other way, I do think it's valid. But as partners, sometimes we feel like we have the right to know everything about our partner. And if they keep something from us, you sometimes feel a sense of like, oh, well, do you not trust me enough? But in some cases like this around mental health, whilst I do think the best thing is to be open with your partners and talking, it's just not for everybody. And I would hate for you to take that personally if he doesn't feel like he wants to break it open straight away.
But once you lay that foundation and you're aware of it, you can breadcrumb it. Like you can gain pieces of information over the coming months and he'll probably feel more open about talking or he might tell you straight away. I was embarrassed to know how to tell you. I didn't know how to bring it up. I didn't want you to judge me or whatever it is. But when you say, I don't know what to do with the information, do I bring it up? For me, yes. I think for all of us, yes. Yeah.
I recently got into a relationship with a guy and it has been five months now. We met through a dating app and had no mutual friends prior to meeting. From the start, he always told me that he had no friends and initially I thought he was just exaggerating because I just couldn't comprehend how people could have zero friends, especially when he seemed really well-rounded and he could hold great conversations with strangers.
I've asked him a few times why he has no friends and he says that's just how it is. He has quite a lot of acquaintances and from what I can see, he gets along with people in his life such as colleagues. He hasn't introduced me to anyone in his life though because he says, well, they're just acquaintances and they're not important enough to introduce you to.
My question is, is this normal for a guy or should I treat it as a sort of red flag? I have really strong friendships and a lot of friendly acquaintances who he has met, but it's just starting to feel a bit one-sided. Tricky. Tricky, tricky, tricky. Talk it out.
The reason why this is tricky is because, yes, it could be a red flag for sure, but it could also not be a red flag. And it's really, really hard to get to the bottom of which is true. And the reason why I say this is because phylogenics
For example, he could be living a double life. He could have another girlfriend. Like there could be lots of reasons why he's lying about not having friends or not wanting to introduce you or whatever. And that might be a carnival of red flags. But the reason why is really, really important here.
It's a very interesting way of approaching the way that he spoke to you, saying from the initial time of dating, like, I don't have any friends. Most people wouldn't say that quite that bluntly. He could have just gone through a massive friendship breakdown where he lost a lot of his friends. He might have moved from another country. Like there's so many reasons why someone doesn't have friends.
I guess like it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a terrible person. Is it sad? Might it be a bit lonely for them? Is it something that like, you know, hopefully he can work on? Absolutely. Does it mean that he's going to be terrible in this relationship? Really hard to tell, like really hard to know if that's going to be the byproduct. Thoughts?
I agree that it doesn't have to be a red flag and it doesn't have to mean anything, but it also could. But my first thought is when he said to you, oh no, they're not important. No one's important enough for you to meet. I'm calling bullshit. Something's not right. That's what I think because-
You don't say – you meet people all the time. You meet strangers all the time. You don't meet someone based on the importance of if you should meet them. If he has a bunch of acquaintances and he's saying, nah, it's not worth you meeting, don't worry, he's keeping you separate for a reason. And I hate being that person.
And it could be in the smaller minority that he is doing nothing wrong and that's just how he is. I just don't think so. Anyone that is completely 100% keeping two lives separate is usually for a reason. And when I was dating that guy that had the double life,
He did the same thing. He just always used to say that there was no one worth meeting, no one close to him, or he didn't like them. They're not, you know, but it was because he had another relationship and all these people knew that. And I'm not saying that this guy has that, but generally speaking, if you have not met one person in his life in five months,
I want to say it's for a reason. So I would be trying to push to maybe go to his next work thing. Like five months is a pretty long time to have not met a soul, not a colleague, not an acquaintance, not a family member. And I don't want to freak you out by saying that.
he's living a double life he may not be but it's not normal and I think if you push the fact a little bit more like I'd really love to meet someone that you work with or or someone whatever and he still pushes back I'd be asking more questions I guess my thing though is is like he might be a really introverted person he might be someone who loves his space or who doesn't prioritize friendships I guess my thing is is like it doesn't necessarily without more information it's
it doesn't mean that he's a bad person. That's all. And I don't want to, or it doesn't mean that he's completely lying to you, but it could be a red flag. And I guess the thing is, is that we socially, especially when we're newly dating someone, we socially use our loose connections with them to validate whether they're a good person or not. The problem is, is like you have no mutual friends, which back in the day, mutual friends were a great way of finding out whether someone was worth investing in or not.
He's saying he has no friends at all and you haven't met any family members or work colleagues or acquaintances. And I think that that's probably where it becomes tricky for you to gauge the information that you need before you make a real commitment to this person. But I do want to say, though, that there would be other ways of figuring this out. What's his social media presence like? Like, does he have an active social media presence?
Does he have absolutely no social media presence? Is he contactable all the time? Is he not contactable? You know, what's his availabilities like? I guess like there are other ways to try and figure out if, you know, for example, it's the worst case scenario, like he's got a double life or he just actually is someone who maybe doesn't interact with people in the same way that we, you know, as a majority prioritize or socialize. Maybe he's a spy. He's not a spy. Ha ha ha.
What is he, James Bond or whatever his name is? Pierce Brosnan from 007, Laura. No, but on the other side of this, let's go back to he is a perfectly normal person that is not doing the wrong thing and just has no friends. That only becomes a problem for you if it's a problem for you. So if you're a super social person and you are always wanting to go out but you also like your own space, you're independent and you've met somebody,
that doesn't have the same values, doesn't want the same things, doesn't have the fun in the same way. And he's also really needy on you because you're now the only person in their life, literally. That becomes a problem for you if it's a problem, but you might meet somebody like it's pretty normal for people to not have a ludicrous amount of friends, but it's the not one person in his life. That's a bit of the alarm for me. But
a lot of people match that are just as sort of needy and introverted and have the same social you know they're on the same wavelength socially so that is just something you've got to ask yourself if like your relationship and who you are matches with somebody that is polar opposite yeah and I would
be judging him on how he treats you and how he treats people around you and, and like other things that he does that I think indicate whether there's red flags or not. Absolutely do think that this could be a big red flag. And it is challenging when someone says they have no friends and no one for you to meet. Like most people would be like alarm bells. I'm trying to play devil's advocate here and think of the situations where that might not be the case. And I guess my big thing is, is like,
If he's treating you amazingly, if everything else suggests that it's okay, and the one thing is that he doesn't have a group of friends that would reflect sort of his social life,
I just question more so, and it's probably what you brought up, Britt, is the idea that there is no one in his life that you can meet. And, you know, just because he doesn't have friends doesn't mean he's not close to his family. You know, has he just been this complete lone ranger for the past X amount of years? Like, what does his history look like? I think there's more there that you can unpack. And I would love to know people's opinions on this because, you
You know, there are people who have a lot of friends, big social groups. And, you know, we know from doing this podcast that there are people who would objectively say that they don't have any friends and they don't know how to make friends. So that is something that we, you know, I don't want to say that people who don't have friends don't
clearly are a red flag in relationships because those people exist and there are people who have had to ask relative strangers to be their bridesmaids before and we've had those questions come in. I also want to know his social media status. Does he use it? Does he post you? Can you openly comment on his photos? Like is he also protective about that? If there are other protective flags I think that that is a really telltale sign. Obviously not because he's a spy.
Yeah, it's not real. So if you can let us know those because this is the shit that I need follow-ups on. Imagine if the follow-up was actually that he was a spy. Oh, my God. No, I'm not letting this go, but imagine. Keisha, he's a creep. He's not a spy. Imagine the aftermath if she was like, I actually found out. Or worse, he's in witness protection or something. Oh, that's sad.
Look, you know what? Undercover cop. Like if you want advice on this as well, like I was like as we were talking about it, I was doing some like I was like in Reddit and I was in Quora and having a look at like what people's experiences are. And it is, you know, objectively it's really sad. There's like quite a few people that are like how do I tell my girlfriend that I don't have any friends, you know? And there's people who have asked this exact question. Is my new partner not having friends a red flag, you know? Is it bad to only have a girlfriend but not have any friends? Yeah. There are a lot of people out there who do not have
have friends. And there are many reasons as to why making friends is challenging for some people. This for me isn't about the friends. It's about that no one, no acquaintance being important enough for you to meet, no family, no one. This isn't just the friendship. Like,
I only have a small amount of friends. Yeah, I know. And I think that that's the big thing. Like you are still, especially if there's like work events that partners come to or there is like family things that are happening, like there are other ways for you to be brought in into his life in its full capacity of whatever his life looks like, whether it has friends or doesn't have friends. Yeah.
where, you know, that gives you the reassurance. But only you will know that once you have been brought into that full capacity. That's the reality. And if he, for a very prolonged period of time, continues to keep you within a separate sort of like you're here and the rest of my life is here and I'm going to put it down to I just don't have friends close enough to introduce you to, then yes, there will come a point where this is a red flag.
And you will know that this is a problem because it will become increasingly evident that he is keeping two sides of his life separate. And I think that that's going to be the tell-all for this. Yeah, I just don't want to answer this and answer it in a way which is like people who don't have friends clearly are fucking crazy because like... We haven't said that at all. No, totally, totally. And I say this because it's fucking hard. The only question I have is why?
why don't they have friends? Why? Are they a spy? Please, really let me know. We just need the added information about the relationship as well. Yeah. That's it, guys. I really loved those questions. They were all questions that we hadn't really had before, which is nice. Hey, keep them coming in. Keep the aftermaths coming in. We want to do aftermaths, so just write into Instagram. We will always keep you anonymous. Keep your accidentally unfiltered coming in. We want those embarrassing stories.
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