Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Why are you whispering? I don't know. I'm having a hard day and I'm trying to get myself in the mood. I love that you're having a hard day. Let me just check the time. 10 o'clock. 10 a.m. 10 a.m. What can we do to fix this predicament? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Actually, that's a lie. I woke up in the middle of my bed, flanked by two children.
One who has a very specific way of sleeping. She wanted her doona rolled up into a sausage so that she could use it as a pillow and would only sleep with a specific blanket, but it had to be tucked in under her neck and her toes had to also have it tucked in under her. And the other one just wanted to sleep. I can't even fathom what you're talking about. The other one wanted to sleep on top of me. So I have had a terrible night's sleep. I love that I don't need to ask who is who. I know that Lola was the one who wanted the specific pillows, wasn't she? The sausage.
Mate, that kid. I know I talk about her almost every day, but she is just a wild bit of gear. She's a unicorn. And every day she changes. Like there's no consistency at all. She's got to keep you on your toes. Always. It doesn't help that then I got you a coffee and they gave you the wrong coffee. They gave you skim milk and you never drink skim milk. So we couldn't even bring you back to ground zero with the coffee. And my fortune cookie that I got this morning said that I was going to receive some energy and I received nothing. I
I really frothed this. We got fortune cookies because I'm big on this kind of stuff. Fortune cookies? No, I do. I love it. I love this stuff. I love like going to fortune tellers. I love psychics. I love fortune cookies. Britney's vibe and unsubscribe this week. Fortune cookies. So on. This is the funniest part. What?
Let's all just say what we got. You got energy is coming your way. Embrace it when it comes. Yeah, thank God. Waiting. So am I. With bated breath energy. I'm waiting for your energy, Keisha. Mine was something like happiness will always follow you. Yeah. Which is very sweet. It's more of a compliment than a fortune. It's pretty much true. You are like sunshine personified. Yeah, nothing brings us this thing.
you've ever said to me? I was in such a bad mood and Keisha got into the car and I was like so happy and I'm so angry about everything. Nothing brings Keisha down. Not even like the cheating boyfriend. She's like, there was probably something going on in his life and we'll work it out. You're so nice. I wish I was that nice. And I got big decisions need to be made soon, which I was like, okay, that is a big thing as well. I believe in that. But then Keisha doesn't get how it works. Grace, our radio producer, didn't like what hers was. So Keisha's like, you can have mine. I was like, you can't just
Swap your fortune cookie. I told you. Maybe that's how the happiness follows me. The nicest person. Yeah, she's just giving it away. Well, look, something I wanted to share with you guys, you might remember on last week's Ask Uncut, I made an admission. I admitted that I was very old when I realised that chickens are
have sex okay I just thought I never thought that they had coitus I thought that a male rooster just fertilized the egg when it was outside of the chicken I don't know why I thought that I don't know how I thought that that happened maybe I hadn't actually given it a lot of thought but it is something that I discovered when I was about 25 that chickens do in fact mate I
I am quite concerned about what is happening inside of your brain because not long before that, you also were shocked that spiders had to have sex to have babies, like both of you were. I'm a bit confused if anyone ever had the sex chat with you and you understand how things procreate. I think maybe it's just because the eggs are not inside the body. So I just assumed that maybe they didn't have to –
What? Maybe because the eggs come outside. They just sprayed something on them. I don't know. Did you skip school? Okay. Did you skip biology class? What can do immaculate conception? Can't like see, don't seahorses fertilize outside? No, they carry. I feel like there are some. They carry the eggs on the outside. They carry it on the outside. No, there is an immaculate conception. Not a Nat Geo podcast.
There has to be. There has to be some sort of animal that lays the eggs and then the male animal just comes along and sprays them like a fertiliser, like Scott's grass feeder. Like they just psh.
And it's done. Well, look, I'm not the only person who believes this. I just had an image of something like shooting ejaculation on like fertilizing everything, just shooting it out. The message that I just received, because you think I'm an idiot and I would like to just say thank you so much to so many of you who messaged to say that you also question this and that this was also something you didn't know. I received a message from a woman named Dr. Nadia ***.
Do you think that we should name and shame her on the, I don't know if we should. Yes. She wrote it to you personally. That's okay. I do talk to her a lot in the Life Uncut DMs. I'll ask her if we can put a name in. Nadia, we love you. Nadia said, so just listening to Monday's Ask Uncut and I was today years old when I realized that chickens need to mate. I thought the same thing that a male just fertilized the egg after it's laid. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 36 years old. I'm a dentist who just got a PhD in oral cancer.
So she's a genius and she didn't even know that chickens fuck. There were an alarming number of messages that came through that were similar to that. An alarming number of people which, and I never called you an idiot. I laughed. I didn't call you an idiot. But there's an alarming number of people that thought that this is how it happened, which was really surprising to me. You may not have said idiot, but you have said several times, I'm confused and concerned about what's going on in your brain, which might infer the former. Take from that what you will. Yeah.
I do want to ask, I asked on the last episode, but I think it's, I think it's something we have to unpack. I want to know what is the thing that you found out was not true or you just believed it to be the way that it was. And then you found out at like a ridiculously old age. Another one for me is that I can't tell you how old I was, but like, I just remember the day that I had this revelation. I thought that all planets are
were all at an equidistance, like stars, moons, planets, everything was all at an equidistance from the Earth. Like there was no depth to space. They were just all like almost like stuck to a...
But I don't think that's that shocking. Back to a piece of contact out in the sky. When you think about growing up and you get like posters of planets and stuff, that's how it's sort of presented. It's almost presented as like there's Earth and then there's the planets. And if you don't go into depth about the planet system, which I'm sure you didn't as a child, that's what it would look like. No, I actually think I did. And I just really didn't process that part of the learning. You went to Catholic schools, yeah? Yeah. Hey, I have a question for you guys.
Did you know that you can pick which voice you have on Siri and you can pick from different accents and genders? Yeah. No. I found out very recently that you actually can choose. So I've gone through and I've picked one with a nice, because you know how I love an Irish and a British accent. I've picked...
Oh God. Yeah. I've picked a man with an Irish accent to be my Siri guy. At the same time that I learned that you can change the Siri voice, I was actually scrolling on Instagram and I came across this video by a guy named Devin Braithwaite and he had made this video to reply to a comment that he had received on a previous video. And the comment said, petition to make this man my Alexa and GPS voice. And I just wanted to bring it to you guys today and
and get your immediate reactions. I want to know how you feel about it and whether you would like to make this your GPS voice. Okay, hit me. Hey, gorgeous. Ew. I'm going to need you to take a left on the next set of lines. Hey, gorgeous. The speed limit has just been reduced to 60. So be a good girl and slow down for me. Ha ha ha!
Hey, gorgeous, you've been a bad girl. You missed your exit. I'm going to need you to make a U-turn at the next safest opportunity. It's too slow. Yeah, you've missed a turn. In 200 meters, you're going to take a right down Wilson Avenue. Hey, gorgeous, you are doing such a great job. There are reports of a speed camera ahead, so just be careful. Drive safe. Hey, gorgeous, you have reached your destination. Thank you for riding with me. Thank you.
I would 100% have that, but I would also 100% miss my destination. Deliberately, just so that he could tell you that you were a bad girl. Yeah, exactly. Just so he's like, turn around, turn around. Yeah, just like that. Turn around. Back it up. Going around, around, around. Back it up. I'm just stuck on the road. Back it up, back it up. I don't know whether I found that arousing or just funny. But then again, I also just find dirty talk funny. Usually I end up laughing. Matt tries it. I'm like...
What has Matt said? We're not getting into that. Meanwhile, I'm still on the roundabout. That's hot. That was hot. That was hot. Is that a real option? No. I mean, the guy's Instagram, he's got quite a lot of followers. His name is Devin Braithwaite. For anyone who's interested, I will link it in the show notes. Maybe it will be your vibe for the week. Can I get a visual? Yeah, he's hot. Oh, because you know, sometimes you never know. Oh, it's hot. He's hot. He's hot. Have a look, horse. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. He's very good looking. Okay.
Let's get into our vibes for the week. Laura, what are you vibing? All right. I'm recommending a Netflix movie that I watched over the weekend. It's on the recommended list at the moment. So you might've seen it, but I hadn't really thought anything about it. And then as I clicked on it and I got halfway through it, I was like, this movie is amazing. So if you have some free time this weekend, watch this. It is called The Six Triple Eight.
It's only just been released and it's a movie that is about World War II and it's about the all black female battalion. So the women's corps that came out of the United States, the very first black women's corps to be deployed overseas to fight in the war.
The story around this is absolutely remarkable and it follows one main character lead. It talks about the mission that they were designated within the war and the mission itself is something that they felt was very beneath them and it was to be able to redistribute the mail. So
During World War II, the mail had been completely congested and so no soldiers were receiving letters from loved ones and no loved ones back home were receiving letters from soldiers. So people were going like years without knowing that their sons or their husbands were alive or dead or anything. Imagine, no communication. Which would just lead you to think the worst.
horrific, right? But also in that, think about the morale for the soldiers who were never hearing from their family. So there was this real mismatch in like the morale being so low, but them feeling as though it was an insurmountable task to be able to deliver these millions of letters. Now there was a
battalion of black American women who were training in order to fight in the war. But because of racism in the time, it was felt that they were not going to be able to be successful and they were never deployed even though they were training. And this was the mission that they were tasked with. And the reason why they were tasked with it is because it was seemingly impossible for them to complete.
I don't want to give it away. And I know that talking about mail during the war probably doesn't sound particularly exciting, but it was just the most fascinating watch. And there's a really beautiful storyline that plays throughout it as well. That's very heartbreaking, but it really kind of like gives that emotional and personal connection to the story. And I absolutely loved it. Like big recommendation, Netflix, the 6888.
I'm going to watch it again this weekend with my mother-in-law. So it is based on a real story. It's based on a real story. It's based on real women who were part of this battalion. They're also still alive, a lot of them. And so at the very end, I think it's really cool that you've watched the story about these women and then it tells you where they are and what happened to them in their lives and
You see photos of them now with like Michelle Obama and getting their recognition and the accolades that they never received during the war but have received now as old women. That's my recommendation. Absolutely fantastic. That's a good vibe. Thank you. Well, my vibe this week is something that I've been talking to the girls about a lot and I have been begging them to get on board and I am going to make them listen so that we can fully discuss this on the podcast. Like for me, this is what I want to talk about for an entire episode because
Bear with me. It's called The Telepathy Tapes and it is a podcast series. Now, it's not like a little left field podcast series. It has been the number one podcast series in the world. Knocked Joe Rogan off the list for a little while. It's all everyone is sort of talking about. You might have seen it. If like me, you would have seen it advertised to you on podcast, you know, when it's like this is number one trending. But I went past it a lot because I didn't even look at what it was. I was like, whatever. And then somebody recommended it to me and they said I'd enjoy it. So I listened and was absolutely hooked.
Now, it is about telepathy and it is about exploring communication in non-speaking autistic children. So it's specifically looking, it's an investigative journalist and a neuroscientist and there's a couple of other doctors that run these tests on autistic children that are non-verbal.
Kids that have never been able to communicate, kids that have been pushed to the side in the schooling system because people think they can't speak. People think they're not intelligent just because they can't speak. And it's all of these parents that have come forward from all around the world. So this is not one or two, like I've got goosebumps now. I just need you to listen.
These parents are coming forward saying, my child can read my mind. I know I sound crazy, but this is happening. I can prove it. And all of a sudden, once one person spoke up, all these families have said the same thing. Now there's video footage of this. So they explore whether these kids can actually communicate via the mind with their parents. And it really makes you question everything you think you have ever known. And I have a science degree. I really need to front this because I know I sound crazy, but there is
proof that they are doing it and you cannot challenge it. Like they have these independent testers that are coming in that are holding cards up to the parents behind the kids' backs. The kids are in separate rooms and because the kids are non-verbal, they have machines that help them type so they can touch on the buttons and it comes up and it says it out loud straight away. The parent will be shown a random word
a random number, sometimes it's a six-digit number from another room and immediately the parent thinks it, the child starts to type it and it is always correct and you cannot explain it. How could you guess that? You can't explain it.
It is crazy. And then finally, when these kids are given the chance to speak, they know multiple languages. Their parents don't know how they know it, what they are consuming. They see different spirits and stuff. And the way that they're talking, you need to listen to believe it.
What I love the most is it's really challenging your expectations of what you think is possible in this world and what we think we know purely because we've never given them a chance. And it just made me open my eyes and look at that world in a completely different way.
And this is what I said to Keisha. You know, Keisha also has a science degree. And I said the same thing to my sister. I said, you don't have to believe it to appreciate it and to start thinking. It's really thought-provoking. So I really would love everyone to listen. I want this to be going off in the discussion group. I want to be doing a podcast on it because it's so fascinating. I think it's so fascinating.
I think that whole mentality around, you know, what is scientific or proven, it's an interesting one to dive into because I actually come from a medical science background where I worked in a research lab for a year and a half. And, you know, we're kind of trained to be like if the evidence is there, the evidence is there. But I also want to be open-minded enough to go, well,
Maybe we just haven't measured it yet. Maybe we don't have the ability to test it fairly or, you know what I mean? Like gravity existed before Newton discovered it is my point. And that's the point they make in this. They say we've never looked at it. I never want to be like, there's no evidence of that, blah, blah, blah. What you're saying is rubbish because the truth is, is that I don't know whether something will come out in the future. And like I would initially, when you told me about this, I was like,
I don't know if telepathy is really my vibe. That's just not what I'm going to be interested in. I think it was because the way that Brit prefaced it originally was like, I'm really into telepathy now. I'm really into telepathy. And I was like, what does that even mean? No context about like what the actual podcast was about. So, I mean, I haven't listened to it yet. And I feel like it's not necessarily something that I would normally gravitate to, but you've spoken about it so highly that I absolutely would give it a listen.
I think you'll really, really enjoy it. And they are making it because of the success, they're turning it into a documentary. So they are, so that it will be very visual because when you're listening to it, it's hard to believe, but they actually have videos that they've put on YouTube of their experiments to back it. And now they're like, you know what? Let's go hard. Let's do a doco. It's going to be amazing. So telepathy tapes, literally anywhere you can get your podcast is one of the biggest pods in the world.
My vibe seems like highly processed sugar in comparison to both of yours, but it is for anyone who just wants a bit of a really easy but fun TV show to consume. It is actually on Tenplay, so it's free, and it is the US version of Traitors Season 3.
So do you guys know about this show, The Traitors? Yes. We have an Aussie version. Yeah. It's kind of a mix between reality TV with like a psychological competition. So the way that the whole thing works is that they get 20 people. They send them to this castle in the Scottish Highlands and they are designated as to whether they are a traitor or a faithful. And there's a lot more faithfuls than what there are traitors.
And the whole concept is that the faithfuls are kind of supposed to sniff out and discover who the traitors are. So in each episode, the traitors will kill someone.
someone and then also everyone will sit around in a boardroom and they will discuss and they will openly vote in front of each other for who they think the traitor is. This show flopped in Australia though. Did it? Yeah, it was like a real... Oh, and they brought it back a few years later and it flopped again. Interesting. It's massive in the UK, but this version, and I think the reason that it's kind of gotten me into a different level, because I have seen the UK version where there's just like normies and
This version had me hooked because the host is Alan Cumming, you know, the Scottish actor and producer. He's in like Spy Kids, Burlesque, The Good Wife. You would know him if you saw him. He's that type. He hosts it. But then some of the cast are people like, you know, Vanderpump Rules Tom Sandoval, the guy who was in The Cheating Scandal. They've got Dorinda Medley from Real Housewives of New York. They've got Chris Schell from Selling Sunset, G Flip's wife.
And there's like survivor players, there's big brother players. So they're people who are actually known if you're into reality TV. It's like the celeb version. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think just gives you a bit of an extra layer of like, I know what that person's like. For example, Boston Rob is one of the most well-known survivor players from the American series. He was on like five seasons of Survivor. He is known to be so cunning and
And so when he gets entered into the house, people already know enough about him to be like, oh, I'm suspicious of you from the get go because that's who you are. You're really manipulative.
It's very, very fun. The only thing that I am annoyed about is that they only release one episode a week and it's on like a Friday Arvo for us. And so I have to wait entire week for another episode. I am currently obsessed with it. And yeah, I just can't wait till Friday. So if you just want a bit of a fun escapism kind of TV show, really fun one to watch with your partner as well while you're having dinner or something. It's the US version of Traders. It is on Tenplay for free. All right, well, let's get into the questions.
Okay, so question number one. I was with my ex for almost three years when we had a baby. The baby was one and things in our relationship went downhill. We called it off due to my partner needing some space. Three weeks after breaking up, we had a chat that we were going to start to see each other again and no one else. Like they're going to try and work it out.
I have now found a used condom in the bin. But we don't use condoms. Some background. He did get asked to be a sperm donor by a friend. So he has said that he has masturbated into the condom to save it. Am I wrong in not believing why the condom was used? Personally, I don't think anyone that's going to be a sperm donor is...
masturbate into a condom, put it in the bin and that's where they're saving the condom. But also, wouldn't you just masturbate into a jar? Like if they're coming to pick up the sperm, because like when you think about it as a sperm donor, if you're going to do like the turkey basting situation, it has to be done
In real time. Like you've got a very short period of time to get the sperm into you. The sperm has to be kept warm. There's quite a few rules around it in order to keep the sperm viable. So I would have thought best case scenario would have been that he would have, whoever it is that is going to use the sperm would be there in another room, would get it from him and be able to like, you know, turkey base themselves straight away.
or alternatively, he would be putting it in a jar. So if you're putting it in a jar, then wouldn't you just masturbate into the jar so that you're not cross-contaminating it by doing it into a... No, I think... Condom? No, I think doing it into the condom would be the best thing anyway. I don't know the science. I think that's probably less contamination than a jar because it's sterile and cleaner. You've just opened it. So the inside of the condom will just be sperm. That's not the bit that shocks me. He's put it in the bin.
You put something in the bin when you throw it away. You put something in the bin when you don't want it anymore. That's what a bin is. If you are trying to save sperm for a donation, you're not putting the condom in the bin. Yeah. To me, this is screaming that he has probably, most likely, slept with someone else and...
and put the condom in the bin. And I don't want to say that to hurt anyone's feelings, but if my partner had told me that the condom was in the bin with sperm in it because he was going to be a sperm donor, I would call bullshit. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like, bullshit. Yeah. All of the red flags are there.
right? Like all the red flags are right there, but it's also not definitive proof. He could have masturbated into a condom because he didn't want to get junk anywhere. Like, you know, like there are other reasons. Yeah, but he said it was for the sperm donation. Yeah. That just seems like such a fucking weird excuse, doesn't it? I guess like other questions, you might not know because it might be a bit dry. It's not dry. It's in the condom. No, because like...
I'm trying to think of a situation where it would be feasible and smart to put the sperm into the condom. And the reason for that is, is because it needs to be put into a turkey baster. So a condom is not a very easy way to then put a turkey baster into a flaccid condom and suck the liquid out.
you would be smarter to do it straight into a sterile jar. Like you would put urine samples in at the doctors. Like that's what someone who's trying to do this properly would do. And then you would turkey baste it out of the jar and insert it into yourself. For me, I'm like, it just is screaming too many red flags to believe that what he's saying is true. I don't want to say definitively, like absolutely he's cheating on you because like we could be wrong and then that would suck.
But my only other thing is it's impossible for us to know exactly. However, if your intuition is telling you that something is really fucking wrong, you're probably right. Like you just probably are. And if you guys have been through a lot of other issues in the past, you've opened up your relationship, you've now closed your relationship again and there's been uncertainty around things,
and you're still feeling like this, then I would say that there may be a chance that like he's just not the most trustworthy person. You could also, I mean, if you know the couple that he was going to be donating for, like, I don't know if you know them or not. Chances are you do if you were with him and you've got a baby with him and there's a couple close enough to him to have asked. You'd ask them, hey. You could just ask them. You could just say, hey, did it work? Yeah.
They'll be like, I did what work? You can suss it out that way, but you're so right, Laura. Your intuition is everything and you probably do know deep down, but you have to also think, I don't want to say he's cheating on you either definitively, but I'm going to say this is what I think. When someone is caught in an act like that and you have sprung it on them, hey, I found the condom in the bin. What does that mean? What's going on?
They say the first crazy thing that has come to their head to get out of a situation. That's what I think he has done. I think he has been like, oh, yeah, you know I'm doing that sperm donation thing. Like it's in the bin. That's for me. If it was tied up in a knot,
in a safe place on the bench or like something obvious or in the fridge or wherever you're supposed to keep it. It's got to stay warm. That's what I mean. If it was somewhere that was like very obvious, that was what he was doing because a used condom goes in the bin. So if you had it in a safe jar on the bench, that's more believable when you're like, yeah, my sperm's in a jar on the bench because I'm sperm donation, not because it's in a used condom in the bin.
Yeah. Sorry. The only reason why I was unsure about that though is because if the person, so from a technical perspective, if the person he's donating sperm to was physically in the house and he's done it into a condom, he would hand her the condom and she would then have to insert it into herself. So it wouldn't be a tied up condom. It would be a used condom. But the red flag I'm having is not about it being tied up. It's not about it being in the bin. It's the fact that
Had it been used for artificial insemination, there would have been a turkey baster. There would have been a syringe. There would have been other things in that bin that would have shown you because no one's getting a condom that's got sperm in it and just flipping it inside out and shoving it up the vagina with a finger. Do you know what I mean? Like that is such an inefficient way of trying to inseminate yourself. So for me, that's the red flags, not the fact that it's in the bin. There's actually another red flag we haven't even touched on. Oh God. Has he just created a baby without talking to you about it?
How did we not even think of that? If he has said, yeah, I just gave my sperm to somebody else, he's the father of your child and you're back together. That is also the discussion. So I'm calling bullshit on it. No one is going out in a relationship.
donating their sperm to other people without having a conversation. Yeah. So I agree. I completely agree. Look, things are not looking good is what we might conclude with this one. I do just come back to that. If your intuition's telling you something's wrong, it's probably wrong. Yeah. And also I'm sorry, cause that sucks. I realized that we're just nutting something out or he nutted it out. I realized that we're just nutting it out and having the discussion, but you know, you are listening to this and this is your relationship and
You definitely need to have a conversation. I'm sorry that you found that because there is that moment too. You know, when, you know, in a relationship, when you have that moment, usually we all ignore it. We've all done it. You know, the moment.
you've seen the evidence, you've seen something and it makes you feel sick because you're like, I know what this means. But then usually we try and put it to the side and talk ourself out of it because we want to believe, you want to believe that that's what he's done. You want to believe your relationship is fine and they're not doing the dirty. Yeah. I mean, and when someone's lying straight to your face and you love them, you want to believe them. So you make allowances for your brain to kind of reconcile the thing that they're telling you. I think I'm almost would be more angry that my partner went and
tried to father another child without telling me than if he had cheated on me once. Like. You could be angry about both, to be honest. Of course. But that's a huge thing. Bringing another child into the world without a discussion. Well, it's not his child. It's just a sperm donation. Well, we don't know that. We don't, yeah, we don't know what their involvement is or what he's agreed to. My point is, if you are doing that without at least a discussion, then that's a pretty big thing.
Yeah, agree. All right, question number two, fast-moving relationships and theft. Wow, what a combo. This is a really long one. It's a very long question. It's worth it. Strap on in, everybody. I've been seeing a guy for about six months, one of those romances that just moves quite fast and feels so perfect. Feels. Red flag. That was my relationship. I have not had many adult relationships. I've never felt this loved. And if you know, you know. So it's all full steam ahead for me.
We've had a few comments from friends and family about the speed that we are moving, but that's probably expected. We're currently applying for houses so that we can live together. He has kids from a past relationship that he has a lot of the time. I love these kids, so it's no problem for me that they're here and that I can be that role in their life. I am so excited to get a place together and start a life together. My question is, I have just found out that he has some, well, legal proceedings coming up this year. Oh.
He used someone else's bank details to purchase items for himself. So effectively, he is being done for stealing and fraud. But he stands by that he was told that he could spend the money on himself, even though he thought it seemed a bit odd at the time.
Wait for this. He will be pleading guilty as his lawyer advised him that this was the best outcome for him. I am so conflicted as I have never felt this loved by someone and felt like I was really finally getting my fairy tale ending after watching everyone else get theirs. Is it a bad idea to stand by someone and support them while he goes through this, knowing that he has stolen from someone else?
I can't even fathom having to try and find someone else at this point as I really just want kids of my own in the next few years and it took me 10 years to find this person. Now, there are some other details surrounding this that we can't share. We've been asked not to share by the person who has provided the information, but I do think that a little bit of context is important so that we can unpack it.
it's not a small sum of money. It's over $10,000. And the person that this money was stolen from, it was taking advantage of someone who is very vulnerable, put it that way. So there are two bits of information I think are important. The added information, it does take it to another level.
but for me, it's not the be all and end all. It doesn't change it that much for me. At the end of the day, I would be very concerned if I was six months into a relationship with someone that sounds like it might be a bit love-bomby. You said it was like very full-on and moving really fast.
If six months in when we're talking about moving in together, I found out that he was going to court from stealing from someone using that money on himself, like taking their bank details. And I want to say this lightly because we don't know the rest of it, but this is a red flag that I don't think I'd be committing to. Six months in, we all know, guilty, a lot can happen in six months and you can fall head over heels. But you have to be very careful because in this situation you have said,
You really want to be loved and you feel the love and you just want that relationship. You have to be careful that you are not mixing this up and trying to make him 10 times better in your mind because you want the situation to work out. You really need to take a step back and look at this from an outside perspective at what he has done and what you think he's capable of. I hate to say this.
But you really don't know someone after six months. I will be the first person to say. I don't know how to say it. I'll say it. You don't know him. No, but you can be so in love with someone, but that doesn't mean you know them. You know, I was with someone for two years I was getting married to and then I found out he had a double life. I think the thing that is important to keep context on with this is that you need to keep your wits about you. Because when I say you don't know someone at six months, you can know someone at six months.
if someone is being honest with you, if they're telling you exactly who they are, if they're being transparent, if they are –
all of the things that you want in a partner they are that but they're being it because it's actually authentic to them then yeah six months you do know someone but six months is not enough time to know whether you're in a relationship with someone who is lying to you especially when love bombing can be involved and your judgment can be clouded and they seem so amazing because it
It could be a case, I'm not saying it absolutely is, but it could be a case that they are presenting the best version of themselves to you. And it's very easy for someone to keep that facade up for six months. Well, yeah. The thing is though, is that he's almost not kept the facade up for six months. He's kept it up until this very, very massive flaw was revealed. You've only just recently found this out. He could have shared this with you at any point over the last six months if he was going to be transparent with you and honest.
but obviously that would have impacted the way that you felt about him. So he chose to keep things a secret until a point where he couldn't possibly keep it secret anymore and he had to share it. So if I was in this relationship, and I know it's easier to be said than done when you feel as though you're totally in love with someone, but I would be slowing it down. And if your friends and your family are raising the alarm about a relationship,
It is something to listen to because they know you and they probably can see things that you can't see. So I would say there, I'm not saying break up with him, but just fucking wind it back. You do not need to be moving in with him. You don't need to be totally entwined in his life after six months. Just slow things down a little bit and let him get through this court proceeding and everything else.
And maybe that tiny bit of distance will allow you to have clearer judgment and decide whether or not he is the person he's saying he is or whether actually he's
He is a person who can take advantage of someone to steal from them. Yeah, there's absolutely no rush. You're six months deep. There's no rush to be moving in together. You can continue to date slowly if you want to continue to date at all. You do only know somebody from what they allow you to know. Like they keep from you what they want and they show you the parts that they want to show you and that's what he's done.
When I really peel this back, for me, I just think the foundations or one of the strongholds of a relationship is having the same morals.
this person's morals do not align with mine. And I don't think that I could stay in a relationship. It's not like you've been with him for five years and you're like, shit, you did that three years ago. Like, you know, we need to work through this. This is six months that he has kept from you. It has come out that he has stolen from someone vulnerable. I don't know. For me, that is a really big red flag for his morals don't align with mine. Morals for me is a very big part of forming a relationship and what you think is okay. Totally. And also just because someone
is nice and loving to you and they give you the best version of themselves, if they're the type of person who can take advantage of someone who is super vulnerable and take from them the
and steal from them, I think that says a hell of a lot about their character. You can't discard the way that someone treats someone else because they tick all the other boxes. Like, I think that that is something that's very dangerous and you may find that when he's not as in love with you anymore, he treats you in a way where he takes advantage of you because he clearly doesn't have a very...
honest or I guess like genuine moral compass. Like he, you know, I don't know. I worry about this situation from the information that you've given us. When you say like it's been advised to him to plead guilty, it must be very, very clear cut that he is guilty. And that's why he's been advised to plead guilty. And secondly, when he says that he admitted that, yeah, it did seem strange that this person was giving me the money.
If it seemed strange, then surely you would investigate it. Like, is he an idiot? Is he someone who you speak to and you're like, yeah, my boyfriend's actually like, he's super gullible and he's a little bit dumb. And that's why he would have fallen for that. Or did he once again, like, is it pretty clear cut that he must have taken advantage of a situation that clearly seemed wrong from the get go? Yeah.
It's hard to answer because I'm a big fan of saying people can make mistakes. But in this specific situation, whilst I believe he can make a mistake, this was a really shitty mistake that I think says a lot. And I don't think you're deep enough in it yet to have to stay in it. That's my thing. You're six months. You're feeling it out. You really want the love. I will say you will find love again. Like there is more love out there in the world. This isn't the only person that's going to make you feel this way ever. Right.
Really think carefully. Step back. Don't move in with him yet. Slow down the relationship. Maybe have some conversations with your friends and family about why they're concerned because they may be seeing things you're not. That's my advice from this situation. But tread very carefully. Yeah, that one makes me feel not good. I know. I feel like it has all the red flags for a very bad relationship. So do I. Okay. All right. Next question. What?
My husband and I eloped overseas. We made the decision to keep it a surprise and tell everyone at the time with individual messages to our immediate families and social media informing all other families and friends. Everyone so far has been extremely happy for us and shared that excitement, mainly my husband's family. My parents, however, have not contacted me since we told them over two weeks ago. Absolute radio silence.
I preempted this reaction from my mum, seeing as my mother-in-law was actually on holiday with us and was able to be at the elopement. Oh, that's got to hurt. That's got to hurt. I knew that this would upset her. However, I still hoped she could put aside her personal hurt to still be happy for us. I am angry at my parents for their lack of interest in such a pivotal point in my life and am adamant that I am not the one who needs to reach out at this time. Am I right to leave the ball in their court to reach out?
I...
I hate to say this, but I borderline, well, not borderline. I am. I'm sort of on your mom and dad's side. I completely understand what they're saying. You said you're angry from their lack of interest in your wedding. I don't think that's it. I don't think they have a lack of interest. I think they're angry because they probably had an interest. Not only were they not included, but his family was included. Like his family was there. That really has to sting. I'm not saying that they're handling it the right way. I don't think there's a right way in this situation, but
I do think you have to have a bit of understanding for maybe how hurt they are by it. I read this and that just made me feel really, really sad. I think, look, I know that you're saying that you don't feel like you need to reach out to your mum and that you're angry and you're hurt by their lack of interest. The one thing I want to say about this is that
I think if you were planning on excluding your mum and including your mother-in-law, there should have been a preemptive conversation. And I think it's very, very challenging after the fact to turn around and say, oh, my mum's often selfish or my mum's often this person. It's like that was a communication and a conversation that could have happened prior where you could have talked to your mum and had an open discussion because as far as she's aware, she's
She doesn't know that you feel that way about her or, you know, you haven't given us that information. So she doesn't know that you think those things of her. And so her experience of this is that you rejected her. You did not want your mum there.
You wanted your mother-in-law there and you care about your relationship with your partner's mum more than you care about the relationship with your own mum. And it would be nice if your mum could be so, she could be so... Selfless. Yes, selfless. And she could be so above it all to be like, do you know what, sweetheart? It doesn't matter. Whatever you wanted on that day, even if that is your happiness without me,
I get it. That would be so nice. I think about how maybe I would react as a mom if Marley turned around and said that she got married and she didn't want me there, but she had her partner's mom there. I would feel devastated.
And you feel devastated because you, as a parent, you give your whole life to your kids. You do, you make so many sacrifices for their happiness and to support them and to be a part of their lives and to love them. And you might not do it perfect. Like you might not be an amazing parent and you might make mistakes, but
But you also need to be given the opportunity to know that you've made mistakes and to like try and rectify those things. So if you as the adult child are not having those conversations with your parents, but yet you're punishing them, that's really, really fucking unfair. And I'm so sorry if you listen to this and you thought that maybe we would side with you.
But I think that a really honest and open situation has to be had with your mum where you both sit down and talk about the ways that you're feeling and the reason why you made the decision that you made because you're not going to get to a place of repair. I also don't think your dad is siding with your mum. I think he's probably just as upset.
From their perspective, you made an active choice. You made an active choice to go on a holiday and get married with one set of parents and not even warn the other set of parents that it was happening. I can't see a world in where I think that that wouldn't end up the way it's ended up.
And I'm sure your parents are happy for you that, you know, their daughter got married, but they're very, very hurt because that is a very, it's not even a, there's probably a level of embarrassment too. Like, oh, we weren't, you don't even think enough of us or
or value us enough to even let us know what's happening. Like we were left in the dark while they were at your wedding. Like we didn't even know you're getting married. They're watching you get married. They're in the wedding photos. They have that memory. It's a pretty big statement to have made. I do think you need to reach out to your parents, even though you're hurt. You can tell them that you're hurt by their response, but I do think you need to take a step back and understand that
just how hurt they're feeling. Yeah. I also have a question. You wrote, we made the decision to keep it a surprise and tell everyone at the same time with individual messages to our immediate family and social media informing all other family and friends. So when you say you did it at the same time, was it like Instagram posts and personal messages all at the same time? As a parent, my question is, is like, how fractured is your relationship with your mom and dad? Did they know that it was fractured?
Is it an unrepairable relationship? Because the way you're behaving, that to me speaks volumes that you're saying to your parents, you're not as important to me for X, Y, Z reasons. But if they don't know that, then this is going to come as a huge shock. And I do think that there is a responsibility that we have as adults to
to have conversations with our parents when something has been hurtful or something has made us feel a certain way. And that might be prolonged years of a dysfunctional relationship, but we need to be also participants in resolving that relationship with our parents if we want to. But if we don't want to, you then can't be mad at how your parents react to the decisions you make.
Yeah, my only thing that I'm kind of, I'm trying to not read between the lines too much, but I just don't want us to make assumptions because we don't know why this person didn't want her parents at her wedding. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, and you've said the one line that I am just reading over is like, please note, my mom is often a selfish person who is always the victim. Yeah.
Was that why you didn't want her at your wedding? Like sometimes I think for a lot of our parents' generation, they struggle a lot with self-reflection of where they could be
in the wrong, in the dynamics of their children's relationships. And I could be projecting a little bit here, but it just makes me question like, does your parent have a complete lack of awareness? And why is the responsibility on this girl to make her parents aware of why she has a fractured relationship with them is my only question. And I know that that's like a little bit deep, but
But I just want to give her the benefit of the doubt of like there could be a really good reason for why she didn't want her parents at the wedding and they're kind of kicking off about it. And she's like, oh, great. Now I've got to deal with this too. I agree with that, Keish. I do agree that we don't know the situation and maybe she didn't want them there for a valid reason. But then those two things don't align. If your relationship is so fractured that you don't want them at your wedding, why does it matter so much?
that they haven't spoken to in two weeks about it? Why does it matter so much that they're not happy for you? If the relationship's fractured enough that you don't have to involve them, that's my question, to not even have had that initial conversation. I think maybe she could have been in a situation where it was a lose-lose. Like if she had have told them and invited them, she might not have actually wanted them to be there for her special day, but then she's got to deal with the consequences as well.
I don't know. I think it's a really tricky one. I agree with everything you said, Keisha, as well. But I think, you know, I knew this would upset her. However, I still hope that she could put aside her personal hurt to be happy for us. I kind of think you went in there knowing what the response was going to be. Like you set this situation up and it's like you almost set yourself up for the disappointment because you expected your parents to behave in a way that's not congruent with how they've always behaved. But the thing is, and I do come back to this,
If you want to change your relationship with your parents, you have to try, right? Like you cannot expect that your parents are going to reach Nirvana one day, realize all the things that they did wrong when you were growing up and apologize and say, I just have been
thinking about it. Maybe I wasn't the best parent. It's never going to fucking happen. The only way that happens is if you have a conversation with them and you say, hey, mom, I know you tried really hard with these things, but these are reasons why sometimes I find it hard to communicate with you. And the thing is, your mom's either going to show up and she's going to care about the relationship which she has with you and take some accountability because the relationship is more important than her pride or her feelings or
or she's not, but that's going to give you a really clear indication as to who she is. Expecting that your mom is going to behave differently without giving her the tools or the explanation is setting her up to fail, I think. And that's what's happened in this situation. You knew she would be hurt and she was.
Yeah. It's so hard. And now I feel like I'm raining down. Maybe I also come to this with my own sort of like skin in the game. My mom and I, we have great, great relationship and we've had big conversations throughout my adult life around the things that I felt resentful for when I was younger. My mom was way more receptive than I expected her to be. She surprised me. And I think that sometimes that is a really nice outcome. It's not always the outcome that we have as
as, you know, kids of our parents, but it can be the outcome. And I think it's worth uncomfortable conversations for. Yeah. My wrap of this is we don't know the situation, but you do.
give them a little bit of grace I would do the reaching out and say hey do you want to do you want to chat I understand this isn't going the way that we all had hoped it went but I know you're hurt mom let's have a conversation about it yeah that's good advice yeah yeah oh I'm sorry I know that that's a shitty one and I'm sorry if I rain down hard on you maybe it's the mom and me I'm like it might be your wedding my mom's upset that I haven't even shown her my wedding dress
Like she's like, show me your dress. Yeah, I'm upset at you for the same thing. I was like, no, mum, if you couldn't make it down to see it, you can see it all today. I'm such a mole. All right, last question. Question number four. My mother-in-law plays a minimal role in our daughter's life, but recently we have asked her to mind our little one for one hour each week. When my mother-in-law comes over, she's always calling me a mean mum. A mean mum? Yeah, to my daughter. Like she's referring to her as like, oh, that's your mean mum.
Fuck, it's so bad. So bad. For example, we were heading off for a big swim in the river, the furthest I would have ever swam, and I have made myself some food which was different to my daughter's dinner as I have a lot of allergies. Of course, my daughter wanted to have some of mine, but I was trying to encourage her to just eat her own food. In steps the mother-in-law who consistently calls me a mean mum over and over again for not allowing my daughter to eat my dinner.
Our daughter is 18 months and will probably begin to understand the animosity here soon. I always play nice and laugh it off. She never does this when my husband is around. So when I tell him about it, as much as he believes me, it does make it tricky to bring up.
I have started saying things like, hey, that's not very fair or kind. But she just continues. Any further suggestions? My family lives four hours away, so I do really need the one hour break so I can go and hang out with my husband and do some exercise and just have some space. Our second baby is on the way, so I can't afford to damage the relationship too much.
It sounds horrible. She sounds like, you know, you always hear about like the wicked witch stepmother. No, it sounds like, you know, when sometimes mother-in-laws can get jealous of their son. Like, you know how there's that weird relationship and they get jealous, like you're the other woman? It's like Freudian. Yes, the Freudian. A penis or something like that. It's like that. The Freudian penis. A penis. Oh my God, you said the Freudian penis and I was like, I don't think that's the technical term. Ah!
That's funny. It's definitely got to do with that Freudian penis thing. Freud was a bit too into penises, wasn't he? He was. He absolutely had a fucking mummy fetish, that guy. Like, yeah. I think you've probably been a little bit too soft on the like, hey, that's not very nice. We don't say these things. I do think you need to have a slightly more direct conversation with her. She's dissing you. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be confrontational. It doesn't have to be unkind.
But I do think the next time it happens, just be like, hey, whatever her name is, it actually makes me really upset when you call me a mean mom. I know you're joking and I know you don't mean it, but could you stop saying that? It hurts my feelings and I'm doing the best I can as a mom. That's all you have to say. And if she continues it after that, then you know that this is something that's super pointed. She might have no concept that she's even doing it. Oh, she knows she's doing it. I know. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I also
I also would love to give her the benefit of the doubt. I always like to do that. She knows she's doing it, especially when you've brought it up and she doesn't say she's joking and she doubles down and continues to say it. I understand you need to balance this relationship because you need her and there's another baby coming. So you definitely are going to need some help because your family's not around. But also you do have to get on top of it now because you're
Your children, I don't need to tell you this, but they're vacuums. This is what they're learning. If they're learning right now, the first thing she's going to start saying is like, my mum is mean. And there's like this subliminal message that's put in. She's going to start to side with the grandma all the time. The good thing is the grandma doesn't spend enough time with them to actually be influential, you know, an hour a week. No, that's enough. I don't know. I think my...
Look, I feel kind of two ways about it. Partly I'm like I know that you need her and I know that it creates relief for you having her to like help out for that one hour a week. But if she keeps that up, I would be thinking, all right, well, if that's what she's saying in front of you, what is she saying when you're not there?
Because if you're gone for that hour, that is unsupervised time with someone who is speaking really negatively about you. Can you pay for a babysitter for an hour? Is that a possibility? Is there anything else that you can exhaust? I know that that costs money. I know it may not be as convenient.
But I do think a conversation has to be had and if nothing changes, then a different solution needs to be met because you can't have someone who completely compromises your parenting, questions your parenting and puts you down in front of your kids just simply because you need like that one hour break a week. Like there has to be a different solution there, I think. And it's all
right not even all right but if it's a one-off like you don't give your child an ice cream and she's like oh mommy's being mean come here but when it's like constant every decision or every bit of discipline that you are doing on your daughter yeah and then the default is to say oh she's mean because she's disciplining you but like presenting herself as like the warm grandma the safe place totally like there is a separation and a divide it seems like we're being dramatic but that kind of stuff develops over time but it also becomes more evident
The thing is, you've noticed that she has a change of behavior when she's around your husband versus when it's just the two of you on your own. And I think that that's very telling. So if you have noticed that and it's something that you really do see her behavior shift, I honestly think not confrontational. Don't accuse her of it. Just the next time she does say it and you catch it instead of being like, oh, that's not nice.
don't talk to her in a way that you would talk to your daughter. You know, like you don't need to like play into that kind of language. I genuinely think she will respond well to that. And if she doesn't, then she's a psychopath narcissist. Like no one can respond badly to that unless they're like,
have some sort of personality disorder. Yeah. Or even dialogue like, I'm worried she's going to start believing you. Like that's a way of saying, hey, I know you're joking and I know it's a throwaway comment, but she's at the age now where she's learning a lot and I'm worried that she's going to believe you and I don't want her to associate me with being a mean mum. Or even, even like on that Brit, not so much that she's going to believe you, but
you are making it okay for her to say it because you're saying it. So then, and you're calling me names and we don't call people names, right? Like you're making it okay for when she has more, you know, vocabulary and she has more words. Her reaction to me when I say no to her is she's going to say you're a mean mum.
That's what she's going to say back to you because they parrot everything. So yeah, I absolutely would be getting on top of that. That has to change. The husband thing's the alarm for me. It's like when she's not doing it in front of the husband, that's also a choice, which means it's not just throwaway joke comments. And has she ever said that to your husband when he has disciplined her? Has she ever said like, oh, daddy's so mean? Because probably not.
That was weird, wasn't it? Daddy. Hey, do you know what I would love to talk about one day? We can talk about it now because we probably don't have time. But is it weird to get into the habit of calling your partner daddy? So like daddy because you're referring to them as dad for the kids, but then they just become daddy or you become mummy. No, lots of people do that. But it becomes very unsexual, right? And so then it's like you're no longer calling them by their name. Do you use daddy sexually? No.
No, it's not about. So, okay, it's actually a good unpack and it might be something we do on a different episode. As a really interesting sexologist podcast, I'll find it and I'll give you guys the details for it, around how the lack of desire grows from how you refer to your partner in like a childlike way. So you're no longer speaking to them in a way that you would speak to them as your husband or spouse.
Because it's not sexual. Yeah. You're speaking to them as though they are also the daddy of your child. Do you know what I mean? It's like creates this real separation in desire. Yeah. And I was listening to it recently and I was like, I don't think I've called Matt, Matt in like two years. I only call him daddy in a non-sexy way. But did you ever, that's a genuine question because it's not for me. Did you ever?
Are you a daddy person? No, of course I didn't call him daddy, but I called him Matt. And at least Matt makes him a man and daddy makes him a daddy. You know what I mean? Like he's like a daddy and going down steady. It's just it cutifies him is what I'm talking about. I will only have this conversation if the answer is true.
still to not use sexualized language in front of your children because that's fucking weird and we're going back into Freud territory. No, I'm saying, I'm genuinely saying when you're saying you call him daddy so it's not sexual anymore, I'm saying was it ever sexual for you? Was that a term that you, was daddy a term that you guys used? That's what I'm saying. Was it something you used that it's changed the meaning? I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I don't mean that the term daddy is
is the term that is sexualized, what you're doing is if I always referred to you as mummy, I'm no longer calling you Brit. I am like infantizing you as like mummy. And so it builds this lack of desire in you because you're no longer referring to your partner as the person that they are, as the identity that they are, the human that they are. They are only the role of mummy or daddy, right? And there's nothing sexy about being a mummy or a daddy is what I'm saying. Well,
Right? Some people. Not to your children. Not to. Well, and also. No, I get it. I get it. So it's a very interesting unpack. And I listened to this podcast on it and I was like, yeah, like fucking ding, ding, ding. Yeah. Like you really do slip into these roles in parenting where you're no longer seeing each other as like your desirable partner. You're just seeing them as like the dad of your kids or the mom of your kids. Do you know what? We have a sexologist. You guys have got a chat with her coming up quite soon. Yeah.
Maybe we can ask to. We can have daddy chat. Yeah. Call me daddy. Daddy play. All right. Well, that's it from us, guys. If you loved the episode, go leave a review, subscribe, and also watch us on YouTube because we're there.
Every week. And also, lastly, but very importantly, please go and vote for Matt in the I'm a Celebrity jungle because people are getting eliminated left, right, and center now. We've got to save his ass. He's not going nowhere. He did so well. He literally ate an asshole, which I've been joking about, but he got his asshole. We manifested that last week.
We manifested the arsehole. Not only the eating challenge, but like the butt. I've been manifesting the anus since like the get-go. For you or for the TV show? Well, I do love it when Matt eats arse. You back up into him. That's trying to put a subliminal message in, just bending over in the kitchen. You write the headlines yourself. You do. You are only to blame yourself. Laura Burns says she does love it when her husband eats arse. Mine, preferably. Anyway, that's it from us, guys. You know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love.
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