Ask Uncut - Passive Aggressive 👍🏾, Big Babies & Friend Ditched Me When They Became An Influencer
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. And I wanted to kick this off by saying firstly, we've all been in situations where we've received text messages from someone that has made us absolutely fucking irate. I'm sure we have.

I came across an article recently which has done a study on like the most infuriating text message that you could ever receive from someone. And one might think it's being left on read and not getting a reply at all. But it is in fact just receiving the single letter K. Oh.

I was thinking it might be a thumbs up. Or react with a thumbs up. Like that's as pass ag as it gets for me. I saw this and I thought it was so interesting. Not because I was like, oh, like we should not do this. I was like, you can weaponize this. The next time you're in a terrible fight with that toxic ex who just sent you this long message saying,

Maybe they're trying to get you back because they're a narcissist and they can't handle the fact that like there's an imbalance of power now. They're going to send you this big, long, soppy text about how they miss you and everything else. And you're just going to write back, K. My mom loves a K. She loves it. But it's not pass ag for her. She just, it's just her doing the most minimal response to something like confirming I've received your text and she just writes a K.

No, it's like just put the O in there. It's the same amount of minimal effort. No, it's not. It's less rude. It's actually technically double the effort. I just blew a snot bubble. The thumbs up trumps anything. The thumbs up to me is like, oh, fuck. Like if someone gives it to me, I'm like, they're pissed. Like they are proper pissed. Whereas K can be ambiguous because K can be like, okay, I've received it or it can be super aggressive. But for me, the thumbs up,

There's not a good way to ever do it. It's always passive aggressive. That's interesting because the thumbs up doesn't bother me. Oh, I hate it. A thumbs up to me is kind of similar to just like love-hearting the message above. I feel so differently. No. I feel like the love heart, because I'll send the heart react message

to acknowledge that I've seen something, you know, like even this morning, Laura, you were like, hey, there's been roadworks. I'm going to be five minutes late. And I just love heart. I love heart react to it. A thumbs up feels so passive aggressive to me. I don't mean the reaction of a thumbs up. I'm happy if you react. Thumbs up to my text is when you actually send it.

Like if you send it and it's in a follow-up text, it's not the reaction. I know what you mean. But no, I am going to be on the side of this research study that is an absolute waste of time, money and resources. But I'm going to say K. A K is far more passag than a thumbs up.

I feel really grateful that now I know that you don't think a thumbs up is like pass ag because as my boss, I feel like that really could have been misinterpreted by me and I would just be sitting there writhing with anxiety being like, holy shit, what have I done? Why does she hate me? Maybe I need to stop sending thumbs up to people. Do you know what?

What's also worse is too is like if someone has just sent you the text and you can respond immediately, is just to start typing for ages so that they can see the bubbles and then don't send anything. It's just mind fuck because they'll forever think that you're sending this like really long response like, oh my God, what's this going to be? Then you delete it and they never know what it's going to be because sometimes the not knowing is worse than the knowing. Yeah, I sometimes think about it because like, you know. Or send it and delete it.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Because then people are like, what did you delete? But you know that if that person's waiting on the line for like a big message to come through, like I'm thinking like exes. I'm thinking when you're in that text battle war stage of like a breakup. They're sitting there waiting for the message to come through. So you know if you send it and it's been one second before you unsend it, they've seen it. You know, but this guy gets way too much airtime on this podcast. I should stop talking about my exes, but...

The guy I dated who displayed every quality of what you would describe in a narcissist but obviously hasn't been diagnosed, so let's not, you know, pseudo-diagnose him on here. He said to me, like, when we're at a happy point in our relationship and things were fine, I remember having a conversation with him because he was talking about an ex and he had said that the most triggering thing you can do to a person is to just ignore them, like give the silent treatment. And he was describing how he went through this with his ex, which should have been a red fucking flag at the time.

Red flag. He told you his playbook. Yeah, he did. And he would just say that he would just go silent and just not reply. And then he did it to me quite a few times when we were going through like our, you know, that toxic disentanglement or whatever you would call it. Conscious uncoupling. Well, it wasn't even that because it was so...

So if anyone has ever dated someone who is narcissistic and then you have like researched it and read the playbook of what narcissism looks like, like there is a step-by-step playbook that that relationship will take. The stages are so clear. And that was what we were going through. Now in hindsight, I can see it. But when it actually got to a point where I was like, I am done now, there is no coming back from this. And I pulled myself away. I knew that

that not replying to him would be the most triggering thing for him. And he gave me those tools. So one day I just woke up and I was like, oh, I get it now. Block. And that was it. But let me tell you, not only did that enrage him, like I ended up having to move house because he would show up my house. He would show up my work. He would leave things on my car. Like he did not take that.

It made him crazy. It's because he lost control. Yeah. But it is so true. Sorry, you just took a real dark turn. I had to move. So he didn't know where the fuck I lived. I've been on the receiving end of it where I'm the one trying to contact the person. Like whether it's like through a breakup or whatever and they're not responding, it sends you insane. Yeah. Because you end up just – you end up looking crazy because you've got like 25 texts that they're not answering, which is not on you. But then you're like – I remember this one moment where you're like –

fucking answer me. Like just answer me. And it's, they just don't. And it is the worst thing. Like silence is power. Quote unquote, he would say no message is a message. My mum always says you cannot misinterpret silence. Yeah. I use it now as more of a like weapon. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm on the other side of it. I did message Ben.

I got angry about something the other day and it works better for us because we're in a different time zone. So I know he's asleep, so he's not necessarily going to see it. Did you just thumbs up him? No, this is how I know about the deleting it. So I sent it to him. We use WhatsApp international, obviously. So I had sent him something. I was just angry. I had sent him something, put my phone down, walked away. And then I was like, it wasn't intentional. I was like, what good is this going to do?

This isn't constructive to the relationship. So I went back. You're like, I'm being a bitch. I'm being not nice. It was warranted. It was warranted.

Okay, he missed the wedding meeting. Just didn't wake up for it. And it wasn't in the middle of the night. It was 7am. We set it for that time and he missed the meeting. And so I wrote a message to him that was not, it wasn't aggressive, but it was passive. I was like, it's cool. It's all right. You know, I'll deal with it anyway, like everything else. It was like one of those kind of like, anyway. But then I went back and deleted it because I was like,

He's tired, whatever. It's not the end of the world. So I deleted it. And that's where I discovered, because he's like, what did you, because it comes up on WhatsApp. It says message deleted. So he was like, what did you delete? And I was like, well, nothing. And he's like, you obviously deleted something. And that started the conversation. And I was like, this is where the power comes from. The not knowing. But we're good guys. We made up. So it's fine. Does Ben actually know what date the wedding is now? Has he come full circle? I don't.

Brittany's organizing her own wedding for herself and we will hopefully Ben attends. I just couldn't believe he didn't. Not only did he not attend, he woke up five hours late. So I actually thought I was going to send out a wellness check. I was like, this is not normal. But he was like, I was really tired. I was like, okay, okay, babe. It's from all the wedding planning he hasn't been doing. It's been exhausting him. It's exhausting not doing anything. Yeah.

No, we love him. All right. Well, look, guys, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes before we start answering your questions. Britt, what is your vibe for the week? Okay, I'm going for a product. This has got to be the makeup product I use that I'm asked the most about forever, like since I came into the public eye. And I've used the same thing since I was 17 years old.

My foundation. I always get asked what foundation I use and I swear by this foundation, but it is a long wear. So if you have like a huge day or you find that you put different foundations on that maybe...

come off or look shiny or come off in patches. Like sometimes they thin in different areas. This is Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation. It's called Double Wear because the idea is it's double the length of wear. It sticks like cement. It stays on like SPAC filler. Guys, this thing, I can get up in the morning at 6.30, put my makeup on, work all day. Then I can go home, go to the gym. It could be nine o'clock at night. I've had a sauna. I come out

And my makeup is still on. It can't be good for clogging the pores. It obviously comes off with makeup remover. I use it almost every day when I have like a big long day or an event or something. But it is the foundation for people that do need something like for a really big long day. Can I just say, I know you use this and I've many times have complimented you on your makeup and I have tried it and it didn't work for me. Like I feel like it's not a foundation that works for necessarily everyone. If you're someone who like quite likes a matte finish,

I feel like that's what it gives you. It's way more matte. If you like dewy, like you, Keish, it's not for you. Yeah, I'm more of a dewy foundation base and, like, I find it's too thick for me. I feel like I look like I have too much makeup on. Yeah. But it looks amazing on you. So I do think that it suits specific skin types better than others. I think also if you've got a dry skin type sometimes, because I've had times where I've been on medication where my skin has gotten really dry, I still have Estee Lauder Double Wear for things like

weddings or like if we're going to events and that kind of thing but I'll often put something dewy on the top of it but when my skin was dry because it's a matte foundation and it is drying it was just not the right combination so I think if you've got like hydrated or maybe oily skin it could be better personally for me the dewy isn't it the dewy doesn't stay for me it wipes off it comes off in patches it must just be a skin thing I like to look like I've been dipped in oil

You do. You go for a shine. Yeah, you do love a shine. Keisha, what is your vibe for the week? Look, it's not the most intellectual vibe, but I put this on my bed a couple weeks ago. I've had it for years and I just thought, there's got to be people out there that are just like me. If you tell me it's the leg cooling thing or like a pregnancy pillow. Sorry, the knee pillow is the best thing I've ever recommended on this podcast. I saw it at a straight post the other day. I walked in and it was right there. And I was like, Keisha is haunting me. Yeah.

They have the best things at the post office. The post office is unhinged. It'll have salt and pepper next to like a neck massager. I love it. Next to like a Peter Rabbit plate set. Like you walk in there with not knowing what you're going to walk out with. I think we must go to the same post office because that's exactly.

what mine has. It's every single one. I feel like the buyer for the post office must have ADHD because I relate to that deeply. The thing that I want to recommend this week is an electric blanket. So the one I pulled out, because I've had mine for a couple of years, I'm pretty sure it's like the version of this one. It looks almost identical. This might be like the newer version. It's the classic washable electric blanket. This one's from Temple and Webster. It's $59.99.

It has two control settings. So you've got like either side of the electric blanket. So you put this on top of your mattress. And then if you want a mattress protector or whatever, you can put that on the top as well.

I don't sleep with this on. I know a lot of people are scared about electric blankets because they're like, oh, fire hazard, blah, blah, blah. Do you want to melt? I just turn it on for 15 to 20 minutes before I get into bed and it is the nicest thing just like taking off my slippers and taking off my dressing gown and getting into an already warmed bed. I sleep with it last night. I sleep with an electric blanket every night. Do you? Do you sleep with it on? Yep. I sleep with it on but I put half on and I keep half cold. I put it on low and –

I probably turn it off at like 4 a.m.,

I just put my hand down the side of the bed. I'm half asleep, flick it off, and it's like the perfect temperature. And then if you get too hot, you can't do it because you share a bed, but I live alone. I just like roll onto the cold side. It's brilliant. That's really funny because Delilah slept over the other night and I slept in this spare room with her and I put it on for her and I could tell that she really enjoyed it as well. So yeah, if you are a bit of like a cold frog and you tend to – you know when you get into bed in the middle of winter and I know it's getting colder now –

And it's just, it takes like 10 minutes for me to stop shivering because the bed's so cold and I'm like, just heat off already. This has completely gotten rid of that. So yeah, I really, really enjoy it. And if you are thinking that you might enjoy an electric blanket, this one's a really reasonable price.

Well, very timely coming into winter. Look, my recommendation actually comes from the Facebook group and we've been talking a lot about ChatGPT recently, but I'm just going to lean in hard. So there was a thread that was quite well received in our discussion group, Laugh and Cut discussion group, if you want to go and join it. And...

There are so many scams that are out there these days. And there are some of them that are very, very hard to decipher as to whether they are or aren't scams. Like literally every day you get fucking Australia post or a bank scam or whatever it is. It might be text message form or it could be an email form, but they are getting better and better. And there has definitely been times where I have even like, I've read it and I've been like, Oh,

I think it's real. And so, for example, for us especially, we're always getting deliveries because of Tony May through FedEx or through DHL. And so, like, I often get them which are like, hey, you have a DHL parcel that's waiting for you to pay customs clearance on it, which I would get six or seven of those messages or emails a week through Tony May anyway.

and I've started receiving the scam version of that. And so it's really hard to decipher what actually is a custom clearance and what isn't. I know that there's loads of versions of this. That's just one example, but it's one that I almost fell for recently. And somebody put in the Facebook group that what you can do now is if you get a text message that you're not sure about, copy the message or copy the email and pop it straight into ChatGPT.com.

and ask chat GPT whether or not it is a scam. And it will be able to tell you because it will be able to see the email address, the links, the phone number, whatever it is that's been attached to that, that you've been asked to contact. It'll be able to do the research at the back end and tell you whether or not it is or isn't a scam. I just thought this was so incredibly helpful and I've used it a couple of times since I saw it in the Facebook group. And there's been a couple of them that I was so close or I was like, God,

Feels a bit iffy. I'll wait until I get a follow-up from them before I actually action it. And now I don't have to worry about that. I just pop it in. It tells me and off I go with my day. So I think it's great. ChatGPT, I've been using it for way too many things recently. That's for sure. It is good. All right, let's get into your questions.

Question number one. I started seeing a guy a few weeks ago that I was genuinely into. We met on Hinge, had been on a few dates and things were going really well. He seemed really sweet and thoughtful and he even Uber Eats to me a Panadol when I mentioned that I have a headache. The height of romance and chivalry. I love that they're the things we take note of.

We'd had a lot of great chats. Things were going well. Fast forward to last week, he invited me over for a wine and pizza night. Now, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex, unprotected, which I now regret, but I felt too awkward in the moment to say anything. Then, without asking or even warning, he finished inside me. I was stunned.

He gave me a kiss, got dressed and didn't bring it up at all. I just laid there in shock, pretending to fall asleep because I didn't know how to respond. The next day, he sent me a long message apologizing, completely unprompted, saying it was a split second decision and that he instantly regretted it. Now, while I appreciate the apology, I can't shake the feeling that this is a deal breaker.

In that moment, he chose his own convenience over my autonomy and my body. I keep going back and forth in my head. Am I overreacting? I'd love to know your thoughts because as much as I like him, I'm not sure I can come back from something like this so early on.

Oh, okay. Firstly, I have a lot of feelings on this one. I want to be careful with how I say this because in no way am I trying to shift blame or to shame or anything. But I think this is a very good lesson for all of us that it's really important to have conversations upfront about what you want and what you don't want. I hate that you said you had sex without a condom, which you then felt uncomfortable about. Yeah.

I hate that he's opportunistic. I hate that he didn't think about you over his own sexual gratification. I also hate that he knew it was wrong because he did it anyway and then thought about it and was like, hey, that sucked and apologized. I get that he's apologizing, but

But to me, I'm like, well, he already knew. He already knew that was a problem, hence why he needs to apologize to you. I understand why you have the ick. And if it's not something you can come back from, you absolutely don't have to. There's plenty more fish in the sea. And there's plenty more fish in the sea who are going to be respectful enough to ask that question when they know that that is problematic.

Yeah, the biggest thing for me here is just saying that you feel too awkward in the moment to say put a condom on. That is like something that we need to be talking about more. Like no woman should feel uncomfortable saying put a condom on. That should be base level obviously for things like contraception but also STIs. Like we know it. You absolutely never have to do anything and I know we've said that so many times but –

It still shocks me at how many people feel uncomfortable in a new sexual relationship to say that they don't want to have unprotected sex. Like that should be like saying, hey, I have soy milk with my coffee. Like, hey, can you get me a coffee with soy milk? Also, I don't have sex without a condom.

At the end of the day here, this is completely up to you. It is your decision on how you feel and what you know about him and if you think you could get past it or if you think you want to get past it, knowing that it is not consensual and not okay. But you've said, I cannot shake the feeling that this is a deal breaker.

And the fact that you're uncomfortable about it happening so early on, that's what I would take from this. I would think there's plenty of fish in the sea. You already don't feel right about it. So the chance is you're never going to feel right about it. It sort of has set the tone at the beginning of a relationship of maybe what that relationship is. So I would sit in the feeling and trust your gut. If you feel like it is not right now,

then the relationship is not right for you and he's not going to be the right person. That's what I think. Yeah, I come back to the fact that like if he sent an apology the next day, he knew that it was not the right thing to do. So it's not a case of like misinformation, not being educated. You know, sometimes there's some allowances for men not knowing the basis of what constitutes consent.

And I don't think that that is a fair thing to grant him in this instance because he knew it was wrong and he apologized for it. But I don't think the apology makes up for it. I would say in my experience, and I mean, I'm not going to say how many people I've had sex with because it's irrelevant to the number, but...

I haven't had an experience where a guy has not asked and they have just done it anyway. And I think like considering the volume, I'm pretty bloody lucky. Like I don't think that I've had a guy just completely ignore, not give me any sign that it was going to happen. And if anything, just go ahead. Because the thing is, is,

Not only does he have to not give any sign, he has to purposely not give any sign. Like, you know, when someone's coming to climax, you know, when someone's about to come, like they give you many signals that they're enjoying themselves for you to be completely oblivious to that is to me that he's actually taken steps in disguising that so that he's able to come inside you. Like, that's what this screams of to me. I've definitely had people.

like I'm going to come, like they tell you. Yeah, get out of me. Yeah, but then also it's like it's a split second later. Like that's not enough notice. Do you know what I mean? Like usually they're not giving you 10 minutes notice. Usually they're saying it like at the point of climax, which also like cool, you just did it on a technicality, but it's still not.

Well, I also want to say for anyone who's like confused because consent has been this ever evolving conversation that we've been having over the last few years. But like in terms of the definition of what it is, consent must be present every time, including for the duration of any sexual act and consent to one act does not mean consent is given to any other act.

Giving consent to having sex without a condom does not imply that you're giving consent to that person coming inside you. Now, I know that there'll be people listening to this who are like, but what about pre-cum? You can still get pregnant and all that sort of stuff. Yes, that is true. You can. And that is a risk that clearly the person who's written in this question was maybe slightly uncomfortable with, but was willing to take. It's a very different level of risk to having someone full blown come inside you. Like we all know that.

I, for one, think if you feel uncomfortable by this, there's absolutely no reason for you, well, you feel uncomfortable as you should. There's absolutely no reason for you to pursue dating. The pool is not that small. There's plenty more fish in the sea. And I also think that it is an opportunity for you to go back and be like, cool, I appreciate the apology, but I want you to know how not okay that was with me. And that's the reason why I'm kind of don't want to pursue this any

Well, it is the reason why I don't want to piss you this anymore because I don't want to be with someone who prioritizes their own sexual validation over my comfort on the very first time we had sex, which is for me a huge red flag. Sometimes you just need to reread.

your own like your own message and I think if you go back and read what you wrote to us and think about it you literally said he chose his own convenience over my autonomy and my body yeah that in itself like if you reread that you wrote that you feel that I don't think you would probably get past that if that's how you feel and I don't think you have to yeah and I think in

future like like I said I don't want this to become about like victim blaming at all but I really hope that we get to a point where we as women feel comfortable and as men like it doesn't regardless like if you're having a sexual experience that you feel comfortable enough and not awkward quote-unquote to be able to communicate what it is that you are and aren't okay with especially with someone who you've gone on dates with you have great conversations with you are excited about seeing it's not like it was a one-night stand and things you know

got fucking weird. Like, I really do feel like this is the perfect example of a time when you should feel completely comfortable and confident in being able to say what it is that you're okay with. And the fact that you weren't able to do that makes me think like we really need to work on self-esteem and we really need to work on why is it that we feel awkward about upsetting someone and not like laying down what it is that we want when it comes to sex and consent. Can I also just add in my little tidbit? Yeah.

That experience specifically of like insisting on protection being used got significantly more easy for me the more and more I did it. 100%. It was something that I felt a little bit uncomfortable about to start with. And I know that, you know, especially when some of us are young and kind of experiencing these things for the first time, I felt like it was really awkward. And I was like, oh, you know, do you mind like, you know, blackness?

By the end of my dating experiences, I was like, I literally remember saying, if you're not going to wear one, you can leave. Like, this is not a conversation. I'm letting you know what I'm okay with. And it just got so much easier as I kind of practiced that. But for me, and I mean, I've had sex with people with condoms. I've had sex with people without them, right? And for me, I think it is a...

very clear indicator of the type of person. Because for me, if I was like, hey, put a condom on, if they badgered me or were like, oh, I don't want to, it doesn't feel comfortable or had any sort of resistance to it, that to me was like, you're a flog. Like get out of my house. And it became easier to identify. And the people who were like, hey, cool, no problem.

That to me spoke volumes about the type of person that that man was. I even think to extend that, the ones who would bring it up with me first. Great guy. Yeah. It was like, I was like, oh, this is someone who thinks about the future, who like actually considers my needs and considers what makes me comfortable. Totally. I think instead of us feeling really awkward about this conversation, try and flip it into I'm gaining more information about this person.

It's a test. What type of person they are, you know? In my experience, and I'm not an ageist and it obviously works both ways, but my experience

everyone that ever tried to assume or push no condom sex were young. Like the older I got in my dating relationships, like you, Kish, like it was very easy for me to have those conversations as time went on. But I found I never used to have them as much the older I got. Like I feel, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's this young mentality of, I don't know, like

Maybe they don't think about consequences as much. Yeah, I don't think they do. I really don't think they do. And I know that that is, I'm not letting anyone off the hook and there is zero reason now with the level of education that we have and how many people are talking about it. But for me, that is what I found. I found the older people got, the less of a conversation it was. It was just like they got a condom out.

That's interesting because I, I mean, you know, I met Matt when I was 31. So up until that point I was dating. I don't think it necessarily changed with age for me. I think it was a type of person for me. I don't have memories of it being more significant when I was in my early twenties versus in my early thirties. I feel as though for me specifically, it was a type of person and it also really reflected how they viewed sex and like the

yeah, a lot of them had either watched too much porn or they had like an impression of what sex needed to be like. And it was, let me tell you, it was never enjoyable for me. So like, I think it's a pretty clear benchmark of what that person is like. I hate this one, this question, because I feel like we approached it in the start of being like, this is a tricky one to answer. It's not tricky. It's really not tricky. It's pretty black and white in existence. I think the thing, the reason why we're like, it's tricky is

is simply because a clear conversation could have been had up front. But that doesn't take or absolve him of any of the responsibility of the things that he should have done when it comes to consent. And he absolutely crossed a line. We're all in agreeance on that. All right, question number two. What do you do if an old friend who you used to talk to

from time to time suddenly unfollows you on Instagram after becoming an influencer. Now, I went to primary school and most of high school with this person in a rural town. He was probably my first childhood crush. And after high school, he was trying to make it big through YouTube, which I supported along the way. He even messaged me saying he was so grateful for my support. Then he started posting different content, which got him really recognized.

But then he unfollowed me and a whole bunch of his other school friends. I still respond to his stories from time to time as he is constantly smashing massive goals in life to do with his career.

However, recently he's just gotten engaged, which he posted on his stories, and it makes me feel sad to think that he cut me off. I want to tell him congratulations and that I am excited for what the future brings for him, but every other reaction to his story is just met with a thumbs up or a love heart. What should I do? I'm not sure how to move on because it comes into my mind every time I see his stories.

Oh, this one's like I just feel like I need to give you some tough love. Unfollow. He doesn't care about you. I mean that in the nicest way possible, but your opening line was –

I had an old friend who I used to talk to from time to time. Like talking to from time to time is already very sporadic. That doesn't scream that it was a best friend. Like I think I would be taking this a little bit differently if you were like my best friend of forever, but you only had this sporadic relationship with this person anyway. And then he sounds like he's become somewhat famous, Insta famous or YouTube famous, whatever it is. His life is growing and going in one direction. And it's amazing that you're still like a supporter of that. And I think that's really cool.

It sucks that he's not giving you anything back and that he's unfollowed you or whatever he's done. But we're different people when we're older. Like he's engaged. He's got a different life.

I know you had a crush on him when you were a kid, but like it's really normal to go through your followers list, who you're following, and unfollow people that are not big in your life or that you, for whatever the reason is, like that's a really standard thing and it doesn't sound like you guys were ever really that close at the start. I feel really bad saying that, but I hate that you're losing sleep because someone isn't giving you anything back when you're giving them so much love and support and this unreciprocated love

love or attention is really hard and it's infuriating because you're like, I'm giving you so much and you're giving me nothing back, but you have to listen to what he's doing. And he's giving you a thumbs up. We know that's past aggressive. I would just be like,

I'd just be happy for him from afar. To be fair, I don't think he's giving the thumbs up to be passive aggressive. I just want to say that. No, it's a reaction. I think it's a reaction. I think it doesn't matter that he's an influencer or not. I think that people experience this in all dynamics of life, right? Like if you were friends with someone in high school, you haven't seen them for a million years and you're the only one replying to their stories and they never reply to you and then one day they unfollow you, fucking unfollow.

follow them. Like you're not friends with them anymore. You guys don't have any, anything. You don't have nothing. Like you have nothing. You don't have nothing. You have got nothing. No, but you have nothing together. You don't share anything. And that's okay.

I think the thing is, is like you're torturing yourself about this friendship or, you know, relationship or whatever it was that existed back in the day because you're still plugged into his life. He is clearly not plugged into yours. And I think in these types of instances, we have to take control over the things that upset us. And the best way of doing that is to stop paying any attention to their life.

relationships have to be reciprocal and it would be different if you were like, I actually am so proud of him. Like, that's so cool. That's a guy I knew from school and he's doing so well. And I love keeping up to date with the stuff that he's doing. And I like being a fan or supporting him. That's a totally different thing. That's great. Like, you know, I would say rock on. It doesn't affect your life.

But the fact that it upsets you that you don't get anything back from him is when I say, okay, well then you need to take control of the way that you feel. That's not his problem. That's your problem. And you need to just unfollow and disengage because he doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't owe you anything.

and I know that sounds mean and maybe I'm coming across too harsh, but he does not owe you that. And I think we need to accept that sometimes people move on with their lives and people live big and different and whatever it is, even if you have supported him throughout his influencer journey,

He doesn't owe you to continue that friendship in any capacity. You have to remember in this situation, and it sucks, but you are getting more of his life than he's getting of yours. So he obviously doesn't feel that connection. It just sounds like he's grown up and moved on and that's where life evolves. And it sucks, but like,

you can still be happy for him from afar. Yeah, and also like I mean look, Instagram for some people is a job. Like social media is a job. Some people who maybe like, you know, he's done this hustle, he's using it as a platform that's for work, he probably got to a point where he did a big clean-out

And it sounds so mean, but it is. It's like a clean out of people that he followed that don't, you know, benefit or like do anything to this, you know, this job that he's created. I don't know what type of influencer he is, but maybe if you look through his influencer following list that he follows, you know, in terms of like who he is actually engaged with, it's probably the brands he works with or people who are of a similar kind of influencer or his family and very close friends. He probably has that list small. So that way his feed is curated to the stuff

that he needs to and wants to see. He probably doesn't care what you ate on a Saturday or what, you know, your kids are doing or your dog's doing. So that's why he's cleaned out his list. And I know it can feel really personal when...

That's how we find out that someone doesn't actually care about our life because it is personal, right? Especially if it's someone who you were friends with and there hasn't been a breakup, there hasn't been a conversation about it. It's just this slow fade and then all of a sudden a very clear indication that they don't care at all anymore because you're completely removed from their follower list.

I understand that that can be hurtful. And I say that because I've experienced it myself. There's people who I was friends with from back in the day who don't follow me and I've gone to look at them. I'm like, oh, wow. Okay. You don't care about my life anymore. Sure. They probably were over getting slammed by a lady and a cat to be fair.

But the thing is, is like you can't take it that personally because if you haven't spoken to them and if your lives are not intertwined anymore, focus your energy and your thoughts on the people who matter, on the people who are part of your core friendship group and the people who you really want to put your energy into and don't waste time on someone who doesn't

is living a very different life and is clearly using this as a work avenue or anything else. I just think you're going to exhaust yourself for no reason. And we also do need to take the influencer thing away from this. I don't think it has anything to do with that. Friends, normal people, people in a normal nine to five, people do this all the time. They unfollow people that are not that, I hate the word, relevant in their life. So

For anyone listening. They're still mean though. It is. I feel so awkward about it. It's hard. There's so many people that I haven't seen since I was 15 years old. Or like, you know the people that when you're travelling or something and you meet them and you become best friends for two weeks and then you are literally never going to see them again in your life. I feel so mean unfollowing because I don't know, I'm too worried about the fact that they might see that I've unfollowed and be hurt or offended by it. I think the thing is, is I don't expect that people will care. I guess maybe that's how I... I think people do care though. Yeah, which...

just means that your, like your level of empathy is high. And I guess because like, you know, those people that I met when I was traveling around Europe when I was 21, I don't think that they care if I unfollow them. I think that they've moved on with their lives. They're married. They've got kids. They're so like. I'm too anxious. I can't do it. They're so happy. I used to be like that. And I just recently, because I traveled so much in my 20s, I went through my list because people were popping up and I was like, who is that? Who is that person that happens all the time?

all the time. There are people who I went onto their page and was like, I genuinely do not know who you are. And I scrolled back so far that I was like, oh, it must have been Argentina that we met up. Waited a decade. I'm holding them up for 10 years. We must have matched on a hinge somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wherever I've lived and I just never went on a date with you. My lady in a cat account.

from Instagram. I didn't have that pre-Bachelor. I had to make an Instagram page for the show because we were the first year that had to post during the season being live on air. But I was the only contestant that didn't have a personal Instagram account. So I got made to open one because it would have been too obvious had I not had one and everyone else had one. So I feel like

I didn't have that burden of like having this big backlog because I kind of like only followed the people that were relevant. But even so, that Instagram page has existed for what, like eight years now?

There's been eight years there's been people that have come into my life and gone out of my life and like I don't think it's necessary to hold on to every single person for fear of offending anyone. Like if that is what's going to offend someone then their tolerance for offense is so low. Like we've got to have a bit of thicker skin. Something really weird happened to me the other day. There was a girl I worked with for like must mean three months back in 2017 I think it was and

I had not thought about her since. I have no negative feelings about her, only positive. Yeah, of course. But the other day these photos of her wedding popped up and I was like, who's that? And I was like, oh, that person. Oh, they got married.

I don't need to be following her. Then I was like, I can't unfollow her after her wedding photos because otherwise she's going to see her follow count go down. And that's like the most awful reason to unfollow someone. But I don't know. Like, do you know what I mean? I just feel like there is a bit of social etiquette or there's some type of connection of like,

Whether you care about that person still. And I know it's not real, but I'm just too scared to offend anyone. But then you're also assuming that people sit at home. Some people have those accounts though. Some people do. Yeah, but then, okay, if you have that account, can it? You do not need to be notified if –

Joe Blow from down the street or 10 years ago unfollows you. Anybody that has an account that notifies them when there is an unfollow is wild to me. There is nothing beneficial that can come from that. Yeah. It's like you're torturing yourself. Like that's crazy that people want to know when there is an unfollow. Yeah, but people do. I mean, yeah, I think that that's a very real thing. People do track their accounts and they know who they've got in their follower list. Well, take it off. That's my vibe. Yeah. I think it's really bad for your mental health. But

Keisha, I do agree with you. This idea of a social etiquette, I absolutely think it exists. And I also think, you know, just to be a bit softer on the person who's written this question in for a second, um,

The reason why you feel so shit about it is because you were supporting all throughout their climb in their success. And now it feels like they've reached success and they don't need you anymore. And I understand why that would feel kind of crushing and a bit shit. But I guess the thing is, is you have control over the way that you feel. And if you're getting nothing out of this person, stop putting your energy into them. And that is kind of what I mean by

unfollow and take some accountability in this because unless it is causing you no distress to continue to support from afar and be a fan, then I think the alternative is just not worth the mental strain. And so unfollow, get on with your life and like know that they're off there doing their thing as well. Hmm.

I think one more thing about that is that it sounds as though you were really supportive and encouraging of them. And you did that because maybe you were friends back in the day and you thought that you were just being a really encouraging friend. And so it actually is quite hurtful to be like, oh, I was a cheerleader for you. And then you're telling me through this mechanism that I don't mean enough to you.

to still be in your follow list. Like that's actually quite a hurtful thing. I can understand why you're hurt by that if you've championed them and you had a friendship, you know, once upon a time, but yeah,

I agree with everything else you guys have said. But also do you think like Hugh Jackman still has – he's following every single person from school who watched one of his movies, you know, or like, you know, told him that he was doing a good job. I doubt it. I think people move through life and they move through phases of life and maybe it isn't the nicest thing, but I do think we have to take some responsibility as well. Guys, Taylor Swift doesn't follow anyone. She's got 281 million followers. It doesn't mean anything. She's got important people in her life. She doesn't even follow Travis Kelsey. She's definitely got a fake account.

I reckon she had friends at school as well. She's got best friends. She doesn't follow them. I think it's okay. Okay. This question was titled Big Baby.

This could be anything. I have a two and a half year old daughter who has always been a quote big baby. She was 4.3 kilos at birth and in the 95th percentile for height, weight and head when she was little. Now she wears a size four. Okay. So she's two and a half in a size four. I honestly don't even notice it except when I pick her up sometimes and she's a healthy and happy child.

However, friends, family, and strangers comment on her size all the time. Like, wow, she's so big. Oh my God, she's huge. Constantly comparing her height to their children, etc. I've even had this. Being tall is okay, but you also have to be really skinny. Otherwise, it's not attractive.

That's cooked. Whoever said that is absolutely cooked. It's also not true, so tell them to shut up. Totally dickhead. I guess my question is, when the hell did we become okay with commenting on a child's size and weight and how do I respond? My partner and I do sometimes make jokes about the size of her head.

So we can take a joke. This is my point. But sometimes it goes too far. I love this question because I read this and I was like, oh, I'm guilty of doing this. So am I. That's what I thought. Yeah. And I think it's because we think that when they're babies, it causes no harm. Like, I think we're like, well, they don't understand their arm from their elbow or their elbow from their ass. Like me being like, whoa, that's a huge baby is not going to upset the baby because the baby doesn't know. But the thing is, is

there is a cognitive switch that happens at some point with kids where they start to know and they start to understand. And so like, when does that happen? Because we all know that like body image and especially in girls, like that is created so young and this repetitive messaging around like, wow, that's a really big baby or really big child. Two and a half, that kid understands now, that kid understands that they're big, you know, and as that child hits three, they're

going to understand that they're being told that they're big constantly. So I would say, yeah, I understand why you're at a point now where you're like, hey, I think it's gone on too far. And also I don't think it's acceptable. I think people don't have an issue with talking about children, like baby babies in terms of size because it is –

I guess the thing is, is like before a baby's even born, the conversation around measurement is a constant throughout baby development, right? Like you're constantly having your navel measured and then being told that what percentile the child is. Like Lola was in the 99 percentile for her head when she was born. And we used to call her melon head. There came a point where we stopped calling her melon head because we were like, well, the poor

girl's going to know that we're talking about her as though she's got a melon. She is still a really big kid in comparison to Marley. Like if they're side by side, they wear the exact same size clothes. They are comparative in sizes and Marley is almost two years older than, well, she's not, she's one year older than Lola. But I do think they're

comes a time where it's not acceptable and maybe it shouldn't actually be acceptable at all but I think it's probably a hard thing to stop people from commenting when babies are really little but at 2.5 I actually think you can start saying oh you know what we don't talk about weight we don't comment on size to family and friends who it has become so normal to because I think it is at a point now where your little daughter is going to be able to register what is being said about her

I absolutely do this. I do this all the time. I do it to my nephew. My nephew is like a giant baby. He's a really big, tall baby. Like he's the size of a five-year-old and he's two and a bit. And I think the reason that people think it's okay to say it is because whilst there is a correlation between how big you are as a baby and what you end up as an adult,

it is not a direct or absolute predictor of how big you are. You can be a giant baby. You can be like a little sumo wrestler and grow up to be the smallest thing. Like there is no direct and absolute correlation. And I think that that is why people are more

lenient with making comments on babies because it doesn't mean as much. Like it's not with offense. Some babies are born with more fat. Sherry's baby Maya's best friend, like as a six month old was born twice the size of Maya. Like the difference is huge, but that doesn't mean that they're going to grow up and be like that. So I think that's, that's why people have more leeway with it. But if you're uncomfortable with it,

You can absolutely say something. I mean, I'm not in the position. I can't comment from experience. I imagine I probably wouldn't care that much until the child can start to understand. Like as a newborn, I think it's okay. Kids are born with personality.

fat kids, some kids are born scrawny. But if you think that your child is starting to understand, you absolutely say something like that is imperative. Like the way that your child starts to consume information is going to set them up for the rest of their life. Do you know what? Like when I say like, I love this question, it's because like I do recognize that I have a bias to this. But then the more that I think about it, the more I'm like, actually, it's pretty fucking cooked that we're so fine with pointing out weight in kids and

Because I know that we can come up with reasons as to why it's fine and why like it's not a big deal. They're a baby. It doesn't matter. But we live in a society where diet culture is so ingrained in every single facet, like from literally from the time that kids even understand diet.

we dress some of it up as like, you know, too much sugar or too much this or more exercise or less of this, but diet culture permeates everything in our society. And I guess the thing is, is you would think that as a baby, they should be off limits, but we are pretty lax with commenting on babies because we think that we can get away with it in the same way that I think people are okay with commenting on pregnant woman's bodies because they think it's okay because, well, you're supposed to be big because you're pregnant. Yeah, but I think we're going to live in a sad world. I understand what you're saying, but...

If the day comes that you can't go to a little baby and be like, look at these adorable rolls. Look at these leg rolls. They're so cute. If that day comes, I think we're living in a world that is too censored. Like it is okay to look at a little baby that has these fresh, cute, little, adorable rolls because it's not indicative of anything. And it makes you want to eat them because they're so cute. Like...

I just feel like we're trying to, we're getting to a time of life where we're too offended over everything. And I'm not talking about a kid. I'm not talking about a child that's running around. I'm talking about a newborn. I guess what I'm saying though is Brit is I'm not talking about those examples of like, you know, adoring a newborn baby that might be a chubby baby. I'm talking about the instances where kids,

someone has a child who is like statistically a very big kid and hearing things like, oh my God, she's huge for her age. And that following them through to a time of like absolutely having the cognition to understand. And I guess the thing is, is like there has to be an age where that is no longer appropriate. And that age is not set in stone because we all know that we've got people in our lives or strangers who don't have the same social benchmarks or aren't able to like read a room in a way that's appropriate.

And so like if a little kid's receiving this messaging over and over and over, maybe it is something that becomes problematic or it is something that we should just think about and be like, why am I commenting on this two and a half year old size? It's irrelevant. It's not really a conversation starter. It's not something that this mom hasn't heard 300 fucking times before. Why am I doing it? And I know I mentioned it just before, but it was something that I learned pre-covid.

having my own babies. And I remember a girlfriend of mine, Cass, she came over, I think I must have been in my early 20s, and she was pregnant. She's one of my sister's friends. And she's really, really little. And she was, you know, in her last weeks of pregnancy, she was very heavily pregnant. And it was probably the first time I'd really seen someone who I'd been friends with who was at 40 weeks pregnant. And

And I remember being like, oh, my God, you are huge. And she was so offended. And I didn't understand why she was offended because in my mind at the time I was like, you're pregnant. You're supposed to be huge. That's like point A, point B. It would be weird if you weren't. But she was really upset and offended by it. Now –

being 39, having kids myself, understanding that like it is not a linear thing. People have their own feelings about their bodies. I now know that was a totally fucking inappropriate thing to say. I would never say to a pregnant woman, oh my God, you're huge now. Because it's absolutely irresponsible to comment on someone's body. So maybe it's the same lens that we should think about with kids. I'm not saying that they have the same

to process it and maybe we are being oversensitive, whatever, but also it's unnecessary is what I feel. I don't know. I genuinely had never thought about it before and I kind of like that this made me think, yeah,

Yeah. Why do we feel so fine with commenting on little kids' bodies? And it is kind of weird that it's something that's become so socially acceptable when we know we wouldn't do it to anyone else. I think you can pull people up on it. You know what? You'll feel really uncomfortable doing it the first few times. Let me tell you, they're going to feel way more uncomfortable. And it's going to be a really quick way of stopping those conversations. Just saying, oh, we don't talk about weight or, you know what? We don't talk about size. And that's all you have to say. And then that person's going to shut the fuck up and never mention it again. Yeah.

I feel like this conversation has done exactly that for me. Yeah. Because I would have done this. I just think it's something that people, I don't know if we're being trained to say it or if we just think it's okay, but now it's completely changed my perspective on it. Now I won't say that to people. And most people probably aren't offended by it. But the thing is, is we're making the assumption that it's not offensive. And for some people it obviously is. And I,

Yeah. Like, I mean, if people now were like, wow, Lola's got a huge head in front of her, I'd tell them to shut up. Like, cause she's too old. She's so old that she gets it, you know, like she doesn't need to hear that stuff. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. Sorry. That we really, I went on a journey with that one. All right. Last question.

My friend wants to bring her daughter instead of her husband to our wedding. We were meant to be married on March 7th on the Gold Coast, but due to Cyclone Alfred, our wedding was swept away. We have lost $35,000 and we are now in a legal battle with the venue and caterers. Don't even get me started on that.

Due to everything that's happened, we have decided to have a bit more of a low-key wedding in Melbourne, as that is where I am from and most of my friends and family are there. Anyway, I have two close workmates I invited to the wedding. To be respectful, I also invited their husbands, even though I don't know them very well. One of them is coming along solo. The other one has asked if she can bring her 18-year-old daughter instead of her husband.

And I've got to ask you, what would you do if you're in this situation? Firstly, I want to say you have given so many details that there's a good chance they're going to hear this and know that that's them. So I just want to warn you that dear God, I hope that when we answer this question, they're listening. It's okay. It doesn't matter. She's already said no. So it's fine. She said no. And she wants to know if she did the right thing and what we would do. I think you did the right thing. A hundred percent. People are

taking the piss with weddings these days. At the end of the day, it's not a 40th birthday where you're like, hey, do you mind if I bring my daughter? You're like, yeah, cool, whatever. This is your wedding, your most special day with all the people that you love. And it's bloody expensive. You've already lost money if you can save on one per person per head. But you don't want to look around. And this is what I've had to try and

I've had this discussion with Ben. You don't want to look around at your wedding and not even know who people are. Yeah, totally. You don't want to look at someone and you're like, who is that? Why are they here? I felt like that about partners. We were pretty brutal on our invite list. We invited friends but didn't invite their partners if we didn't know their partners. And my benchmark for that was if you have been in my life for X amount of years but I have never met your partner, they're not invited. Yeah.

And one of them, it caused an issue with one friend because it was a partner that, I mean, they had a kid with them. So like that was pretty brutal to not invite them. But my thing was, well, I hadn't seen them in almost two years, firstly. So like they, I felt like they were lucky to be on the invite list, which sounds...

I'm going to rephrase that because you're not lucky to be on the invite list. But I was like, well, you're not at the top of my invite list because you've not put in any effort in the past two years. I haven't seen you. Yes, you might be in a relationship. Yes, you might have had a kid in that time. But you have not made any attempts for us to be a part of that part of your life. And you're absolutely welcome to come. But we don't want people here that we don't know. Our rule was...

So long as one of us knew, then it was fine. But if we both didn't know someone, they weren't invited and that was the rule. And so that rule was applied to everyone across the board. I think for this instance and like to answer something very like simply,

Invites to weddings are non-transferable. That needs to be the rule. It should be implied. It's not. Put it on your invites from now on. If you've got a name on there, you can just say invitations are non-transferable. That's it. It's not like Tixel, is it? You can't resell the invitation. Don't invite other people to people's weddings. It's rude. Yeah, we've done the same thing. It's tricky with Ben and I because there's loads of people in our lives that we don't know of each other because we live in different countries. So we've had to bend the rules a little bit, but we –

We generally have exactly the same blanket rule that you just said. I'll be meeting a lot of Ben's people for the first time and he'll be meeting a lot of mine for the first time. That's okay. But as long as one of us knows them, it's okay. But there have been a few people where, like just say it's my person, like my friend or family member, and I haven't even met their – like Ben hasn't met them, but I haven't even met their partner.

So both of us don't know them, then they're not coming. I think that the reason why yours is slightly different, Britt, and I feel maybe a little bit differently around the rules is because it's an overseas wedding. And I think when you have people traveling, most people, obviously it costs a lot of money to go overseas. People couple it as a holiday. So they usually take their significant other on holiday with them, which would require them to just sit at home at the villa or whatever. It depends on how many days the wedding is. It depends on lots of things.

I went to one wedding with my ex. It's the only wedding I've been to where I didn't know both people. And it was in Canada. I flew to Canada with him. We were on holidays and I was invited to the wedding because he was like, well, I'm not going to fly there by myself and you not come. And that was why I got the invite. Did I expect it? Absolutely not. Was it so polite and kind that they invited me? Totally.

Our wedding was local. It was not a big travel wedding. Yes, it was like a couple of hours down the coast, but it was relatively local. And I don't think it's a big expectation to say we don't want people at our wedding that we don't know. I think that that is a lot of people feel the same. I do also think it's different. It depends.

how close you are to the person, like, and I hate to say their rank, but a lot of people say when you do a wedding list, no, they do. This is like proper wedding advice. It's not ranking of like your favorite people, but it's ranking of the most important. Like when you write your invite list, you technically are supposed to start from your inner circle. What category were we? We better be an A. You just made the cut. You just made the cut.

If I was D, I am hurt. Do you give them all wristbands so they know where they sat? You get cocktails, you'll just be wine and spirits. But it's what they genuinely suggest is that you start from your inner circle when you're writing your list so that if all of a sudden something happens, if you have 100 people on the list and you know that your venue only allows 90, I hate to say it, but you go to the bottom and you work back up. But if so, if you're like...

Keisha, if you had just started dating someone and I didn't know who they were, or not even just, just hypothetically, you've been dating them for a year and I don't know who they are, I would let you bring them because you are my inner circle and I think that that's different. Whereas if it's a long lost auntie who you're inviting because they're family, but you don't really see them and they want to bring someone you've never met, it's just different. The other factor that I think is important here, you said, anyway, I have two close workmates.

They already know someone who's there. It would be different if the person you had invited was the only person from your work. They didn't know a single person. And now that the wedding is in Melbourne instead, they're not going to know anyone there. And they're asking, hey, my husband can't come, but can I bring my daughter? You know, that would maybe be a little bit different, but they know someone who's there. They'll be fine. I agree with both of you. You did the right thing.

Absolutely. Non-transferable. It's so fine. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you have any questions for Ask Uncut and you want to slide on into the DMs, do so because we might answer it on next week's episode. Also, join the discussion group, Life Uncut discussion group. We've got YouTube. It looks fire. There's so many ways to kind of get into the Life Uncut vortex. Also, if you love the episodes or you enjoy it every week, go and leave a review if you haven't already, whether that be on Spotify,

Or on, I don't think you can leave a review on Spotify. I think you can just comment on the episodes. You can leave stars. Star us, Biatch. Please. I'm so sorry I said that. I am embarrassed by myself. Just review. Thank you. I'm not cutting that. I hate myself. Okay, on that note, Biatchos. Laura out. I'm out. See you later, guys. Ciao. Say mom, say dad, say dog, say friends and share the love because Laura's out. We love love.