Matt's Back And He's Had Some Jungle Revelations!
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. You're listening to a Life Uncut podcast. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura.

Oh, pal. You're so annoying, Matt. You waited. You have waited to do that. Oops. That's my first Coke since coming back from the jungle. Oh, Matthew. You are such a pest. Sorry. Continue. I was just introducing myself. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. You said that. Whatever. I'm confused now. I'm also so sleep deprived. Matt. I'm Matty J. Matty J.

We are going to do quite a different Wednesday episode today. I mean, normally... I've just put coke all over my jumper. You're so annoying. You can tell he's had not that much human contact for the last month in the South African jungle. Hello! Come back! Duke of the jungle!

Do we call him Duke of the Jungle? Well, he's not king. Sorry. You can call me Sir Matty J. Well, I mean, we can call you King of our household. Does that help? I'll take it. Like a knighthood. You want a knighthood. Do I want a knighthood? I don't know. That's a big call. Just call me. I can't call me the king. I'm not really king, am I? Also, I'm still not on board with calling you Matty J just to start with. Well, they cut the J. It's called you Matty. They call me Matty. That's also weird. Maybe the next reality TV show you do, they'll just call you Matt. Yeah, by the end, I'm just Ma. Ma.

Hey, if anyone's playing along that has no idea what the hell is going on. Is there any of those people? Well, there might be. This might be their first episode they've ever listened to. There is no way that people who listen to this podcast are unsure of where I've been because Laura, and I just want to say thank you, you have been bombarding.

The people on social media every second of every day would like, vote for my husband now. I don't have a personality anymore. My entire personality over the last five weeks had turned into vote for my husband. And now I'm actually having like an identity withdrawal. I don't know who I am anymore. It's...

very accurate. I am relieved. People were saying thank you for the links. Also, thank you to anyone who did vote. I became exhausted by myself. I think the listeners are probably exhausted as well. Can I apologize? No. No, I will not go on another reality TV show for at least 12 months because I don't think anyone can handle that. You can't handle it. The listeners can't. I can't handle it. What else can you do? Fuck you. Fuck you.

Coming from me. No, but you've done the Bachelor. You've done Bachelorette. You've done Dancing with the Stars. You've done I'm a Celebrity. What are you going to do, The Apprentice? No, well, someone said. Maths? They said, oh, I can't. Matt should go on Dancing with the Stars. And I was like. Ah!

in one of the comments of my post and I was like, I've already done that one. There's nothing left. But it's good to be back. I can't tell you how nice it was to come in here, go to the cafe, have a banana bread toasted with butter. Sugar. Had a coffee. That's going to go straight through you. I had a popper, a blackcurrant popper. You'll be on the toilet for the rest of the day. Oh, my God. Laura, sorry, I farted in bed last night. Mate. Oh.

It was an unbelievable smell that exited your body. Like it was as though you had been decaying inside. Do you know what was weird is that in the jungle I burped. I burped every hour. I stopped farting. Is that your clock? The way you track the time you're up. It's 12 o'clock.

Reggie said she didn't poo for an entire week. When we saw Reggie yesterday, she said she had not pooed for seven days and she was so clogged up because of everything. I think it was after she ate a penis that she decided she couldn't poo after that. It'll do it to you. I actually never thought she'd eat a penis. I think I was seven, the first seven days, I was just about to start taking a diuretic. And then when I did my poo finally, you come out to a big cheer. Everyone's like, yay!

We've done it! Well done! We're so proud of you and all the achievements that you had while you were in the jungle. It's been a big month for me. Well, it's also been a big couple of days. So we recorded this on a Monday. The finale was last night, but we got back into the country on Sunday, just before the finale went to air because it was pre-recorded, which we'll get into in a bit. But everybody in this room is very tired right now. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm fine. I'm buzzing. Are you? No, I'm driving in here. I was like, oh my gosh, I could fall asleep. But it was, I had the first solid eight hours of sleep last night, which was beautiful. And the kids, poor Marley and Lola, I left at 9.30 in the morning and they were still like horizontal asleep. It has been, yeah, it's been such a big four days for them. Like a really, really big four days.

And like probably that's been the hardest thing. Like Matt, you've been away for five weeks now and I feel like we had it completely dialed up until the point that we had to go to South Africa and then it has like the absolute wheels fell off the wagon. But also it is kind of nice to speak to someone about my experience because if you win the jungle, you speak to everyone.

And if you don't win, no one cares. So it's unfortunate. You talk to no one. And then they're like, Matt, here's your PR schedule. That was my PR schedule too. They're like, so you can do your own podcast or your own radio show. They're your options. Like someone will speak to me. I need to like unpack what's just happened. And if I didn't have this.

I'd be in a room by myself wondering what the hell has just happened. So thank you for having me. It's an absolute pleasure, as always, to have you back on the pod. It is nice to have you back. You do look semi-unwell, but I guess that's just part of the journey. Very kind of you. Thank you. I mean that in the most loving way. How did you find... How was that...

How is that a lovely, you look like shit in a nice way. No, because it's expected almost. Like it's, it's pretty rough conditions. You are like genuinely starved out for a month. So you do drop a lot of weight and you do, you don't see the sun a lot. So you get really white and see-through. How did you find it overall? Like harder than you thought? So much harder. So much harder. I went into it as a kid growing up.

I did a bit of camping, you know, so I didn't, I did, well, we had in year 10, this is ages ago, like 20 years ago, but we did a whole term or semester, like five weeks where we would live on a, on a working farm. Very like very rural. Yeah. But did you live in the house? Yeah. Not in the hay bales. Every Christmas we would go camping. So the thought of sleeping outdoors and insects didn't really freak me out that much.

And I thought I was going to do a lot better than what I actually did. The first, I think the first night I kind of went to bed and I was like, Oh sugar, this is going to be really hard, really hard. And then I think day four, day four, I was really, really struggling. Just a combination of everything. Like I wasn't really sleeping at nighttime, the insects,

We're so loud, so loud and constant throughout the night. You have monkeys that are climbing on the canopy trees above you. So you're only getting like four or five broken hours of sleep and

No food. And I was washing up the dishes by myself. And I was kind of in my head, this thought of what have I fucking done? What have I done here? Like, this is a nightmare. I went in to have a voxie or a chat with a producer and they just said, how are you doing? And I just broke down and I, yeah, I just burst out crying. And I was like, I fucking cannot do this. The first four to five days are the hardest for everyone. Cause it's the reality check and it's when the hunger kicks in and it's when the withdrawals from like,

your loved ones, but also the caffeine and the sugar. It's the toughest four to five days. And everyone says the same thing. Everyone's like, there is zero chance I can stay here. I remember like Bo Ryan, I think lasted two weeks in his season. And I remember watching going, I cannot believe that Bo Ryan quit, you know, someone like Kerri-Ann who quit after three days. You're like, I kind of get that.

And then I kind of realized, I was like, oh my God, I might not make this. I might be a quitter. Yeah. And then I thought Laura is going to kill me, kill me if I pull the pin and I'm like, surprise, I'm home. She'll be like, get back in there now. You just stay in Africa by yourself just the whole day? Yeah.

I'm still on the show, babe. I'm on this extended behind the scenes. To be fair, I mean, as you guys know, because we talked about it before Matt went in, I was the one that was pretty hesitant around you doing it. Like I wasn't a supporter of it in the first place when you first said that you were thinking about doing the show. But then...

Once we had all gotten on board and once I'd kind of got my head around how it was going to be, I definitely had that thought. I was like, if you're not in there until the end and you don't give it your all, I'll be so mad at you. Yeah. Like now you've done it. Do it well. Yeah. Do it well. I was like, you know, make, I just wanted you to be able to come out of that experience and not have regrets around like what it was that you did while you were in there. So I was like, the only reason why I'm going to stay in here is to avoid the wrath of Laura by quitting. Yeah.

Hey, you were saying to me that you were quite annoyed with Brit around how poorly you were set up for understanding like what the show was. What do you mean you're upset with me? We had a conversation. I'll give the context of this. Brit called Matt to give him like pointers for the show and to give him kind of like a heads up as to how to best navigate. I'm a celebrity. Like what he should do, where he should sleep, all of like the pointers from someone who's done it herself. Yeah.

And yeah, look, it didn't exactly go down as planned. Pretty much what you said to me was it is going to be the best experience of your life. Like you will walk away from this and it will be so profound. It'll give you a new perspective on everything. And then your only kind of watch out was make sure you don't get a bed that's too close to the fire. And that was it. Nothing else. No, hang on. It was, I mean, it is profound. I'm sure you took something away from it. We will get that.

I did say to you, yes, I did say it was one of my favorite experiences, but I also said, disclaimer, I think it's way harder for people with kids. I obviously don't have kids. You didn't say that. Yes, I did. You didn't. I did. I was like, you're going to miss the kids. And I definitely told Laura, and if she didn't funnel that back to you, that's on her. It's Laura's fault. You said, you said, and make sure you bring some sugar for the... Did you? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I...

So after our phone call, I was like, cool, thank you so much. And I was like, where am I going to get these little sachets of sugar? Because it's all contraband, so you have to hide it. So I went down to my local cafe and I was like, can I buy 70 individual sachets of sugar? And this is our local short cafe, so they know me. We go there like every day. And she goes, what do you need them for?

And I go, I can't tell you. But I might be going to South Africa. And so I bought them and then I ended up smuggling them in. I wore like compression shorts, the ones that kind of waist down just above your knee.

And so I had 70 sachets then like taped together sitting like a soggy, wet, like nappy at the bottom of my pants. What, to like look like a package? And I wore them for like the intro. So when I arrive on episode one where I'm by myself –

You can't really see because my pants are a bit baggy, but I had 70 sachets plus like 14 protein balls. Plus like I had 20 fruit straps that were like in the pants, also in the bottom of my shoe. But I got them all taken off me. Yeah. Did you give everything over? When you had to sacrifice and hand in your contraband, did you hand it all over? I did. Everyone said, like when we got asked to hand over the contraband, everyone was so afraid of what the punishment would be if you didn't hand it over. So everyone said...

you, you, you, like what's all here across the board is all hand over everything. And I didn't want to be the one person to not do that. Be the selfish guy. So even the photo of the family, you know, I handed that over. Wow.

And then after I handed it over, I realized that everyone kept photos of their family. And I was like, Dave Hughes was like, whoa, that was hard, wasn't it? Anyway, pulls out like a photo frame of his family and puts it next to his bed. He's like hung it on a tree above his bed. Nailing it into the tree being like. Who was the people that were in the camp that you feel like you connected with the most? I got really, really lucky in that.

When it came to selecting beds, I was one of the last people to come in because there's already, we got split into two groups. So I came in, everyone's shaking hands and I remembered Britt's feedback about the bed. So I'm kind of secretly scanning the beds to see which one doesn't have a backpack on it. And the way it worked out, there was one bed left and it was actually, it was your bed. Oh, it was my bed. Yeah. The one in the back corner. Yeah.

After the show, they were like, oh, you actually picked Brit's bed, which you didn't like apparently. Well, because I got rained on the whole time. Maybe they moved a canopy. Yeah, it actually wasn't too bad with the rain. So I had that one and it was right in front of Reggie's bed. And Reggie, I call her the oracle. She's just, she's so wild. There's moments that she is so oblivious, you know, and she has no idea what's going on. And there's moments as well when she's just, she's,

She's just a wealth of knowledge. And especially when it comes to reality TV, she's done it so many times before and I didn't realize I was struggling, but then she would say, Hey Maddie, it's going to be okay. Like you're going to have a tough moment. She'd give me a hug. And I'm so, so, so thankful that I got to have a bed next to Reggie. Cause she, there was conversations in the morning where it

Without her, I would have spiraled for sure. It's really chaotic. Everyone's having conversations and Reggie was so happy to not try and battle with other people that it would just be me and Reggie on our beds together. And it was so nice just to have that connection with someone when it was so chaotic with so many people outside.

I fucking love Dave Hughes. I couldn't believe that he was there. I was like, what do you mean Dave Hughes is in the jungle? Yeah, that's cool. You're like, why? Yeah. So I love talking to Dave Hughes and then Harrison. Dave, you're an actual celebrity. You don't belong here. Yeah, I thought he was. Sorry. There's two people in this room that's done the show. I'm here. Two thirds of this room. Yeah, you'll be on it next year. I thought Dave was going to last like two days and then as like a bit of a like.

that he was always going to make a quick exit. But I loved hanging out with Dave Hughes. That's interesting you say that because I was actually speaking to Dave when I was over there and he said that he thought he would be there to the very end. And he was like, look, I honestly thought that the whole thing's rigged.

And I thought that they would keep me until the final, not for any other reason than the fact that like, you know, I am probably a bit of a celebrity draw card, but also like they paid me really well to do it. So he was like, why wouldn't they keep me to the end if they could? And it does actually come down to votes. I think that's,

Maybe the trials are a bit kind of questionable when it comes to the whole voting. That's all smoke and mirrors. I think they can orchestrate the trials, but the actual voting system for the winner is, I mean, it has to be legit because it is a... Yeah, there's a monetary element to it. Yeah. When Dave left, I was like, what? I couldn't believe it. Dave was one of my initial picks to be top three. And when he left...

because he was such a big personality. He left such a huge void. But then Harrison also, I didn't know Harrison that well. We'd kind of see each other every now and then. And now you're dating. And yeah, now we're in a committed relationship, which is... Cute. Can I ask you one thing? So I was very...

Obviously, like, you'd been gone for quite a while. And there was one conversation that played out on TV. And I, like, felt very sensitive off the back of it, which your mum and your sister were like, fucking Laura, settle down, you're being overreacting. No, no, no, I wasn't jealous. I was, like, interested...

in your perception of that time. So you were talking about the bachelor finishing and how you have to do long distance for that period, right? Yeah. And you were talking to Harrison around like, basically you said something along the lines of like, that we're really lucky that it worked out because that was a really hard period and it was like touch and go. And what,

My response to that, because I was like, that is not how I remember that period of our relationship. So I kind of watched that and I was like, okay, did you have a different experience of that? Or was it the fact that like, I'm interpreting this incorrectly? I like, I hated watching that bit back. Let me refresh your memory here, Laura. It was awful. It was awful in that period where we'd filmed The Bachelor, right?

The finale hadn't been to air, so we couldn't be together. The only time we got to see each other was once a month. No, we snuck in a few extras. We snuck in like one. Two. And then your relationship is just on pause, you know, because you can't tell anyone in the real world about your relationship. You can't have the relationship progress. Your handbrake's just totally pulled. And at the same time...

You know, you're copying feedback from all these people online being like, you don't deserve Maddie J. You're not good enough. I'm copying. You should have picked so-and-so because she was a better mix for you. Like it was a pressure cooker. It was shit. It's a shit time for the relationship. And you think, are we going to make it through this? Cause you know, it was just, it was so tough. Yeah.

Yeah. Laura, how do you feel? Let's give you your side. I didn't have any doubts that we weren't going to make it through that because I felt like we were both like, okay, we're going to do this and make it work. So I felt like even though it was hard, we like had made a really. When we went to meet up, the secret meet up, it was pretty much Laura saying we need this or we're not going to work. Yeah. I don't think I said that.

You didn't say it as blatant as that, but that was kind of like. Anyway, it was very confronting to watch. That's all. Just wanted to bring that up. But you realize you're married with kids now and you're very together. I think you can let that feeling of insecurity eight years ago, that fleeting feeling. I think we can move on from that one. Don't you reckon? Thanks, Britt. You're in a solid relationship now.

Laura and I have had a few little tiffs since the jungle. What about? So, well. What about? Talk to us. Talk to you about your phony. Should we talk about the flight home? When's that coming up? No, we can talk about that in a second. The reason why we've had a few tiffs, to be fair, I

I would say since getting back in Australia, like we could not be better. The second we landed, we were like, okay, fucking reset time. I feel like I'm in a therapy session. I'm loving like looking at you two talking. I love you so much. Like, and also I cannot be happier that you're home. I'm so proud of you. And also I am glad that I took the girls over to see you, but that,

was the, it was an awful experience for us as the family going over. And I know that like the reunion was really beautiful. We'll talk about all that, but it was, I had to fly three separate flights on the way over with the girls. So that in itself was really hard. It was like 22 or something hours, 24 hours by the time we got door to door and

midnight transfer with two children who were absolutely fucking ropeable. Then we got there, the accommodation, we're all staying in the same room with not enough beds. And it was just like, we were then on set nonstop. And I felt like I was the emotional buffer. Mm.

between the children and production. And so Matt came out and he was all like happy and well, not happy, but he'd had this big experience. And on the receiving end of that, I felt like I'd just been flogged for days. And so, yeah, it was hard. It was really hard for me. When we had our reunion, it was maybe half an hour, I think, where we had time together.

And then they got to pull us apart. And the kids don't get it. The kids don't understand. They're like, I've just met my dad and then I'm going to go. And then we did that trial where we had to have shit poured on our heads and Lola's in tears being like, why are you attacking my dad? So we had three instances of this. We had the reunion and then the kids are taken away again. We had the trial and then the kids were taken away again. And then we had the finale. And in the kids' minds, they were like, well, it's the finale now. So dad will get to come with us.

And then they kept Matt on set until 6 o'clock and we went home earlier. And it was so hard on Lola particularly. Like Marley was actually fine and that's another weird thing we'll get into in a second. Lola could not comprehend. And then I had to deal with her big emotions around why is my daddy not coming home. And it felt like this unfair false start. And so I think that's why it was so hard for me. It was coupled with a lack of sleep and just trying to manage these tiny humans that really felt as though they

what they needed was not being catered for in that moment and they needed their dad. It's just not made for kids that young. Like for, just for them to have gotten there. Like I remember messaging you. I remember saying bye as you were like, I'm on the plane. I'm going. I was like safe travels. I went to sleep. I woke up, went to work the day. I went to dancing, came home. I think I was almost going to sleep again. And I messaged Laura again. I said, tell me everything. How's the accommodation? She's like, we're still traveling. And I remember thinking, wow.

Oh my God, you are still sitting in a tiny plane all night with those kids. That's wild. I said multiple times, I was like, I feel so sorry for Laura. If I make the top three, knowing that you have to, on top of all work commitments, then get the kids by yourself and like, man, traveling with kids.

It's a nightmare. Yeah, it's really hard. Look, I mean. You did very well. Thank you. You did incredibly well. And I wanted them to be there for you because that's like such a special memory for us as a family. Not a great one for me, but a great memory. PTSD. I have PTSD. That was incredible. When you guys came into camp, every single day it hurt. I had pains in my stomach because I missed you so,

so, so much. And I couldn't wait to see you again. And I genuinely thought, because we, I don't know, I can say it now, like the finale was pre-recorded, right? So I met Laura and the family. Was it a

Yeah, I think. No, no, no. It was Thursday. It was Thursday. And so in my head, I didn't know that it was going to be prerecorded. So I was like, well, we have until Sunday. So I might see the family Sunday, Sunday, maybe Saturday if I'm lucky. So you weren't expecting it. And you also didn't know who was coming over because we'd spoken about a little bit prior and I was like, I don't know whether I can take both girls. I don't know if I can do that. So there was conversations about your mum going over. There was conversations about me going over on my

I was almost coming for a while. I was like, Matt! But we do actually, I mean, if you missed last night's episode, we do have that moment, the audio from meeting because I was really taken aback by just how emotional you were when we walked into camp. I was not expecting your reaction to be, I knew you were going to get upset. I did not expect that reaction and have a listen to this. ♪

Oh, honey! Oh, honey! My baby! Don't!

I missed you so much. Oh, baby. Oh, honey. Oh, man. You okay? Oh, I'm so happy to see you, bubba. Daddy, why everybody's not here? Because they've all gone home. But Reggie's not gone home. Reggie...

Reggie's still here. I'm Tommy. Yeah. Hi. Oh, Daddy. Oh, Daddy. I love you, you stink. It's Daddy. It's a Daddy dog.

When you come home, you just stay home forever and don't go anywhere else when you come home. No, I probably won't. Lots of daddy days, yeah? This is daddy. Does it say his name? Yes. Matty. Yep. That's mine. Did you want to have a sip? Yeah, of course.

There literally was not a dry eye. I'm crying again now and I've heard it so many times. There was not a dry eye in the house, including yours. You were flooding. Oh, God. I could barely get words out. I'm so sorry. No, it was beautiful, honey. It really was. I mean, you were scaring the girls at one point. I know. Marley. The kids are backing away. His dad's having a breakdown. I was like, come here. I want to wear your skin. Ew. Ew.

Was there a moment because like you guys, you can hear the passion and the emotion and everything else, but neither of you actually say anything to each other for about 15 minutes. Is there that moment where you like, you think you have so much to say, but you haven't seen each other. You don't even know where to start. So you almost don't say anything. I was so shocked.

So shocked. Because they say to me, hey, we're just going to do a couple of like pensive shots. Just think about your time in the jungle, like kind of relive some of those moments. Matt was cooking rice. That's all you've got to do. Halfway through us having these really beautiful like crying moment, Matt goes, oh, my God,

the rice. It might be burning. And he ran over to check it. Cause if you mess that up, you're done. And there's this, like this voice that comes over the park. Like, so like over the jungle where everyone's beds are, there's this like voice of God. And they were like, Maddie, it's okay. You don't need to check the rice. That was just a distraction. Just leave the rice. We've got dinner for you tonight. I was just processing. It was just, it was so full on. And

I think that was something that I underestimated is how hard it would be without the family. Because I've been away, like the longest I'd gone away for was a work trip for maybe eight nights. But during that trip, I was, you know, we're on the phone, we're texting every day. FaceTime with kids. And it was just being starved of what's most important to you with your family. It was so, so incredibly hard. Well, when you left, we were talking about it a lot on the podcast, like Laura was talking about a lot, that like Lola was...

Stoked. I was trying to be a bit more diplomatic. It was like girls day. It was just going to be like the three girls in the house, but it seems to have switched now. It's so weird. It is so... I'm still getting used to the fact that Marley doesn't really care too much for me now. So like...

You guys know because I've spoken about it so much. Like Lola has always, she's had what's called like parental preference and she's always preferred me for everything. She's so and has been so mean to her dad in the past. I cannot even give her a kiss goodnight. Yeah, she's like, I don't want you. Don't touch me. I only want mummy. Yeah, like really, really harsh and can be quite mean and it has upset Matt at different times.

I mean, I knew that she was going to be really excited to see her dad because the last couple of weeks she has been having a really hard time. And it's like, I think part of the reason is because she wants 100% of someone. And so she's been really jealous of her sister because since Matt's been away, I've had to split my attention across both my children, which is like what a parent should do. And any time that I'm cuddling Marley or I'm spending time with Marley, she gets really jealous. And then she'll like go and have a tantrum and go and sit in the other room, which isn't

It's kind of good for her because I'm like, you know, she needs to get used to the fact that she's not the only child in this household. There's two kids. So when she saw Matt, she like 100% latched onto him. But what it made me realize is that, yes, it's probably going to be a weird transition because Lola now hates me. Like even on the plane, she was like, no, you, mummy. Go away, mummy. That was a good bit. I like that. Yeah. Which is like, it's just Lola. She's her own unique little character. But were you like, yes, go away.

cool. I'm fine. Go to dad. Mommy does not. Mommy is quite happy to be on her own for a while, but it's actually been a really good thing for my relationship with Marley because I think that because of Lola's preference, Marley's always gone to Matt. Lola's always come to me and I haven't had that quality time with Marley in the same way. And, you know, since Matt's been gone, like we've had Marley starting school and we've

spent a lot of time solo together. And so when Matt came back in, Marley was like, Daddy, I missed you. But then she was really still so happy to be with me. And like her love is spread evenly. Whereas I feel like before we had kids who were very much like, you've got one kid, I've got one kid. If that makes sense.

The reason why I said yes to the show was actually for this to happen that way. A psychologist said to me, you need to be away for a while. So I was like, perfect. I'll go to the jungle. Distant makes the heart grow fonder. This will win Lola over. But it's straight. I love it. I love it. But it is so weird to have a situation where...

Lola just wants to be cuddled by me. And I'm sorry, Laura. I'm fine with it. Okay, great. Because it's like, it's bloody. Even in bed when we had that night, as soon as I came out and if I touched Lola in bed, she was like, fuck off. Just so you know, Lola has a new fighting mechanism, coping mechanism, which we've talked about like last week on the show. Have you not told Matt? You might not be familiar with this. When Lola's really angry, what

What she does now is she strips naked and she moons you. Where did she get that from? She's so mad because she was going through a hitting phase while you were away and then we had big conversations about not hitting. So now she's stopped hitting, which is great, but now she just gets completely butt-ass naked and rips her ass cheeks apart at you. It's pretty funny. At you. It's actually brilliant because it is a way to diffuse a situation.

Let me tell you. Did kids do this? It was not brilliant. It was midnight at Singapore Airport, okay? It's not brilliant. Did she do it again? No, she tried to. Her and Molly were both trying to rip their clothes off and I was like, what the fuck is happening? I feel like just shut up and get on the plane. I don't know if this is something that kids do or our kids need therapy. We'll find out. One thing that we did have a little bit of an argument about post-jungle was...

Matt, so I flew from, like I said, from Sydney to South Africa with two children in tow, right? We did it. Economy, long flight. Premium economy, but did it. Yeah. Okay. And-

In Matt's contract, he flew business. So he flew business there and business back. On the way home, I was also premium economy with the girls. When we were still in Africa, Husey was very vocal about the fact that he was not taking his business class flight and that he was going to give it to his wife, Holly. He was like, no, you've done everything. You can have my business class flight. What a

Gentleman. Said it to everyone, would not take no for an answer. And Holly was like, okay, if you insist, I will take the business class flight. So I naturally was just waiting for my husband to do the same. I was thinking. No, I said, I will give you my seat. It was always, I agree, a passion.

No, what actually happened was Matt said, we can split halfway through. And I was like, but why? And in Matt's mind, he's like, I've been in the jungle. I haven't slept. And I was like, I understand that. But that was a choice. You're putting words in my mouth. A choice you made. Putting words directly into my mouth. I did not say that. Look, end of this story is that we had a fight about Matt's business last night. May I? May I? Okay. So I had every intention to give Laura the seat. Okay. Once you'd had a few hours in it yourself. So, so.

We all know that you have to be in your allocated seat. Please don't talk. Please don't talk. Just let me say this. You have to be in your allocated seat when you take off, right? Okay. I will confirm that. Okay. So we walk, we walk onto the plane. We walk past my seat, 23A, great seat on the window. Thank you. And I said, because I'm such a good guy, I'm very considerate. I

ignore my seat because I want to follow Laura to her seat. To help me put my bags up in economy. Oh, you're so kind. With the two children. And so we get to Laura's seat, which is probably like 10 meters. It's down the end near the toilet. There's a curtain that separates. And I help with the bags in the overhead locker. I then make sure the kids are buckled in. And then Laura looks at me and she's like, well, you just had your opportunity. You could have handed me the seat right then and there and you didn't.

And I was like, well, you know, that was, you know, we can't because we're takeoff. I said to her before we boarded the plane, I said, as soon as we're in the air, I will tell the air hostess that you have a migraine and we would like to swap because you have the two kids. But then I fell asleep. Go on, Laura. We have a very different version of how this story unfolded.

My version is that Matt had it in his head that we were going to split it half-half. No, no. I said take off, migraine, swap. That was the agreed plan. I felt like after everything that I had done, I was deserving of the business class seat. And Matt is...

There is nothing that Matt likes more in this world than the opportunity of having a business class seat. Like he will take that over anything. Like if you could offer the man literally a million dollars, a free holiday, like anything, if a business class flight seat is available, like that is his Achilles heel. He would do anything for that. And it was just more so that we were walking through the plane and the head of the production, I think his name's Alex.

He looked at me and he goes, oh, he goes, are you getting the business class seat? Did Matt give it up for you? And I was like, no, no, he did not. That was the trigger. And I walked down past everyone, past the crew, past all the people, past the champagne, past the

flat bed past like, you know, nine hours of sleep. I would just walk straight past it. And I sat down between my two children that I've been parenting solo for five weeks. And I had this moment where I was like, if you fucking go to business and lay down and sleep, we will get divorced. 100%.

So I lost it. And I said, I said, fine. I was like, you take the seat right now then. No, because you gave it to me in protest. And Laura's like, I'm not taking the seat. And I'm like, take the seat. Oh, a double standoff. Laura goes, I'm not taking the seat. And I'm like, for God's sake, just get up and take the business class seat. And everyone is watching us. I was like, you're humiliating me. And I was sitting and Marley's going, where's Marley?

my seat because I'm sitting in Marley's seat and then so like we're crammed into four of us are crammed into these three seats you're fighting to push each other out the plane takes off no one gets a business class seat that's not true no look it's not true I took it I took the seat also can I I gave it back

I gave it back. I offered, I even offered, as soon as the plane took off, cause a girl, Kirsty, shout out to Kirsty. She was like, oh my God, it's you. And she's like, where's your wife? And I was like, ah, she's back there somewhere. And then she said, she's like, don't worry, we can, we can swap. I sent, I sent back a fruit platter to

To you and premium economy. That doesn't make up for it. Can I just say, Kirstie, Kirstie's a lifer. She's like a mad listener of the pod and she was honestly an angel. Like you were an angel. You have saved my marriage. So thank you so much. Every air hostess looked at me and pretty much said, you're a piece of shit. And I was like, shut up and more champagne. I did. Excuse me, premium economy.

After dinner, I then took, I want to say it was nine hours in premium. You had that in business class seat. I had to sleep with Lola in my arms. That's where I have a bad back. You have been complaining since we landed about your sore back from holding Lola for a couple of hours. And I just have zero sympathy, but I love you so much. And I'm so glad that you're home. God, I miss the jungle. Told you, told you. So Matt, okay. I think that...

I think that they did something different for the first time ever on this season where they pre-recorded the final three endings. Is that right? Yeah. So in the past, I think they did it for a couple of seasons, maybe back in the day. But normally how it would work is the top three is announced on Thursday morning, which is live. In South Africa, it's maybe like 10 o'clock in the morning and then it's nighttime in Sydney. And then you would then have what's called a dark day. So Friday and Saturday night.

The cameras are still there and they're filming, but you don't really have like, there's no trials. You don't see Robin Julia and they're really hard days because you want to have something to break up the routine. You know, you want to have people going on trials coming back. It keeps the day going quicker and,

And my biggest fear, I'm so close to the end. I really just want to get out now and see my family and knowing that I've got like all day Friday, all day Saturday. And it actually, it pissed down with rain as well. So, you know, there's a waterfall that you can walk to and we would do that purely just because it was a 10 minute walk to the waterfall. Yeah. Something to do. Something, something to do to just break up the monotony of nothing. And yeah.

Apparently what we were told in the past is like Sky and Tristan and Callum, they had the dark day, Friday, Saturday. When they did the finale on Sunday, they were all just so over it. By the time they did the finale, no one wanted, like nobody was happy. They just wanted to leave. They just wanted to leave. And so it's hard to be like, yay, we're so happy to be over when they're like literally like put a fork in me, we are done. So it's...

It's so good that it worked out that way. The only weird thing is they don't tell you what order they're going to call it, but they say you will each have a moment where you have to pretend that you are the winner and we will crown you the winner. There'll be like confetti and it would be great. We'll then reset the next person. Obviously you don't know who again, and then whoever's last, you then have your moment being the winner where you...

Pretend and they kind of film you like, oh, my God, thank you so much. So we ended up all getting on a plane and rushing back. So that all happened and filmed on the Friday night. We rushed back on the Saturday and then we were able to watch it on air, on TV. How does it feel to like –

to have had the feeling of winning and then you don't win. It was nice. You felt it. You were like, yes! It's kind of like at least everyone got that little experience. Yeah, except the hardest part was, I think, I was announced as the kind of fake winner first and Marley, she

She was so excited. She was like, Daddy, I knew you were going to win. I knew it. And so then we watched it back and I didn't win. She was so hysterical. She was so upset. And I was like, it's okay. It's okay. Like, you know, you don't win everything. They just don't understand. They didn't understand. Yeah. And Marley's so competitive. So that was hard for her. I actually think that there's a good life lesson in that.

though because, you know, like you're not always going to get a highly commended award. Like not everyone wins in a situation. And I think like she's so fortunate. She's such a lucky little girl in so many ways that it's actually good to see failure and for it to not be failure, you know. Yeah, but that was going to set her up with some proper flex in the school playground. How do you feel now? Like now that you're on the other side of it, is it everything that you expected it was going to be? Are you happy you did it? Yeah, I am happy. I think –

knowing where my head was at in the first few days where I was really considering pulling the pin and I didn't, I'm so glad that I stuck in there and I made it to the end. My goal was to,

I thought if I can make it to top five, I will be so, so happy. So to make it through top five, I definitely didn't expect. I thought when we're top five, I thought the three would be Max, Sam and Reggie. So when I was called into top three, I was like, that's crazy.

Yeah. And then I knew that I would then get the moment with you guys in the campsite, which I, which I knew would be super special. Yeah. That is the other good piece of advice. I think I gave you, I remember saying there will come a time in the first four or five days where you will want to walk out and you'll say it's too hard. You didn't say that. You didn't say that. I did. And I said, don't, you were like, enjoy the pina coladas. I really recommend them.

Enjoy the sperm, pig sperm pina coladas that you're going to have to drink. Actually, speaking of, there was one question that you asked prior to going into the jungle. Like you had the opportunity to ask production anything. And this is the question that you asked.

When we did the big shoot for the promos and all the pictures and everything else, at the end of that session, they then sit down with the big dogs, the executive producer, and those who are top of the food chain in charge of putting the show together. And they say, we're so excited to have you on the show. It's going to be a great season, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you have any questions at all? Only question I could think of was,

well where do you masturbate and I thought to myself I don't know if I should ask this question I'm sure I'll figure it out when I'm there and then they kind of looked a bit shocked they looked at each other they weren't quite sure who should answer the question they said oh Glenn can you answer this one for anyone wondering it does happen on the show it's in the toilet the drop toilet that's there's no cameras there so that's where I'm assuming everyone would go to masturbate I

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. You tell me. I don't think people actually masturbate there. Did you? Did you? Or did you? No. Okay. All right. Did you? Okay. So there was a conversation in the beginning. That's it. Wait. I said amongst the guys. At the start, we all said, of course, at some point we're going to, we called it a jungle jack. Ew. Someone's got to have a jungle jack.

But you have. Men are revolting. They are. They're disgusting. Like girls don't get together and be like, who's going to nut one out today? That's not a conversation we have. Okay. Well, that's awkward for me. In there, you have no sex drive at all. Maybe it's the fact that you're missing your wife so much. I'm sure that's what it was. Maybe it's the fact that you just need to suck on to, weird choice of words, to every bit of nutrients that you have in your body. Harrison, do you want to join me in the toilet? I'm so sorry.

Okay, so I really struggled to sleep in there. Like some people found it great because you don't have your phone, your cicada. Rhythm, yeah. Yeah, you know, like you go to sleep when it's dark, you wake up when the sun comes up and it's all primal and natural. Great, great, great. Not for me. I fucking hated it. Like it was, I wouldn't get it. I didn't dream. I never dreamt in the jungle. Like I couldn't get into a deep sleep. I had the most vivid dreams of my life in there. Must be nice. Yeah.

Anyway, so where is this going? So then there was one night and I must have been tossing and turning for hours, it felt like. So you went and actually tossed and turned. So what I thought, you know. Only one way to fix this. I really want to sleep. You know, what is nature's, you know, sleeping pill? It's a jungle jack, right? And so you had a go. So, so.

So I'm like, do you know what? Everyone's asleep. People are snoring in the campsite. And I think to myself-

Now's the time. Let's just do it. Not in your sleeping bag. No, never because there's too many cameras. So I thought I'm just going to go into the long drop. I can do my thing. I walk in there. I kind of look at it and it's just. Shriveled. It's shriveled. It's not, it's not there. Okay. And I'm like, all right, come on. Fluff it around a bit. Yeah. I'm like, I'm fucking. Nothing gets you hornier than like you can see down and see the poo in the bottom of the drop box. Yeah. It stinks in there as well.

So I'm trying to like bring some life into this little guy. This story that you're sharing is a choice. Yes. Okay, great. So I'm there like both hands being like, come on, give me something. Taking forever. It's not moving. It's not growing. I'm panting and it takes me a while. It takes me a while. I finally like some life starts to come into the little guy. Yeah.

I eventually get it done and I didn't enjoy it. It was awful. And I'm like, but you know what? At least hopefully now I can go back to my bed and I can go to sleep. And then I realize I've done something really stupid. You left your mic pack on. Please tell me. Tell me you left your mic pack on. So when you're in the jungle. Oh.

You have a necklace on, which is your microphone, and it's drilled into you that you have to wear that at all times. You're never not mic'd up. And I realized I'm wearing my necklace on.

In there. I am so humiliated. You are. Matt should be humiliated. I'm married to him. And also, they are listening at all times. There is a control room like 200 metres from camp where they have all the cameras, producers. Did you say anything in your boxy? No, I just kind of realised then and there and I was like, I'm so sorry. LAUGHTER

Do you know what's funnier is if there was audio that goes along with it in terms of, come on, little fella, come on, you can do it. You know what's good for you. I'm trying to help you. Daddy's coming. I'm actually so mortified for you. Did you go into the control room at the end? Yeah, I did. Because it is.

the biggest wall of like 50 cameras stacked on top of each other and there's just there's just like 30 40 people that sit there and watch so they all were just sitting there listening to you jack off you have a sex tape out there now or just sex audio somewhere there is this audio which i hope never is released in public ever but i did also i no i'm gonna stop i'll stop please no don't stop now

No, and then I... Oh, Matt found some ding-ding in your... Oh, there it is. I did it a second time. Matt! Because... And then afterwards, I kind of went to the fellas and I was like, so how many jungle jacks did you have? Everyone's like, no, we didn't jungle jack. That's weird. And you're like, yeah, neither. Look, you can cut this out if it's too much. Keisha, just like, just know that this is... We're all friends here. Okay, so...

Then the second time I did it, you know when it's been a while and you have a lot of buildup? A mat. We don't have penises, but we can imagine. So the material is like clattered with mud in the long drop. I remember. All right. And I was like, I would hate for anyone to know that it's, anyway, so I was trying to like aim onto like toilet paper that was on my hand, but it comes out like in like a hose. Matt, please. So, okay, I'll stop. I'll stop. Okay.

Okay. Next question. Next question. I don't have any more questions after that. Okay. No, I think we go out and hide. I actually don't. I genuinely don't think. Where was that going? It went everywhere. No, I don't want to talk about it. We need the end of the story now. We need the end. Okay. So it comes out like a hose. You know, you have different settings. You can have it as like a straight stream or a spray. So it comes out like a spray. So then I'm like, fuck, I've got to try and clean this up now. So then I've got the toilet paper and I'm trying to, you know, and the toilet paper is like single ply. Not.

And then I'm trying to clean it off the mud that's cladded inside. And then the toilet paper is then being like stuck to the mud. It's dried mud. So it's just like ripping off the chunks of toilet paper. And so then I'm like, fuck. So then there's a shovel that you put sawdust and charcoal on top of the poo in the long drop. So then I'm like chipping away at the mud to try and like remove the cum stained mud inside the long drop.

So I'm there like renovating inside the toilet and then I'm panicking that people are going to go, why is there so much mud padding? Why is Matt banging? So then I burnt the toilet down. I had to cover my tracks. This is exactly why they have a men's and a female's. I just want to say. What? There's no men's and females.

Yes, there is. Are you kidding? There was a cum toilet and a long drop. That's how we split it. Do you know, I think you were the first person and only person to masturbate in the jungle. I don't reckon anyone else has ever masturbated. That is a lie. So you weren't king of the jungle, but you were your king. You'll always be my king, honey. You're welcome. Even after that. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I think too much jungle time has gone to your head.

Like you've forgotten what's an appropriate story to tell. Cut that one out. No, keep that in. Cut the second part out. Yeah. No, that's great. That was brilliant. I did this so that I could put in a good effort with Laura when I saw. I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah. It was great. We had a great time last night. I did this for you, not for me. You did say, so last night was the first time that we were able to be intimate with each other because prior to that, we were all sleeping in a shared room and we

Matt said, I feel like a virgin again, which was very cute. I honestly felt like I lost my virginity. It like, it hurt me. Well, now, serious question. This was the question on everyone's lips. Now that you're out and you've got the choice, Laura or Mengo?

It's still tough. You could have them simultaneously. I did try the South African mangoes and fuck, they're good. They're really good. They're really good. Aren't they? So juicy. Probably the best mango I've ever eaten in my life. I had it for breakfast one morning and I was like, I get it. I'll take a mango as well. I don't even remember saying that on the show. Did I say that? Yeah. You said if I had to choose between a mango and having sex with my wife, I'd choose a mango. I'm so sorry. It's fine. It made headlines. Yeah. I've suffered through a lot while you've been gone. Just FYI.

You should be really thankful. I am. If you want to take this opportunity to thank me, that would be fun. Laura, you have been amazing. Honestly, I can't even begin. Oh, thank you so much. I can't begin to appreciate what you've been through. I mean, you've had food constantly, a beautiful bed. You've had air con. Oh,

It must have been really tough for you. Don't you dare because you chose this and I did everything to support the choice that you made. I know. I love you. Laura and I are off to Brazil next week anyway. Holiday. We've got a long weekend away. Actually, a long week away. Oh, God. It's going to be great.

Matt, thank you for coming in. I appreciate all you want to do is probably go to bed, rest up, maybe have a shave. I don't know. Have another jungle jack. Yeah, well, it's not a jungle jack now. It's just a jack. It'll always be a jungle jack in my mind. I worry the most.

people listen to this episode and think that we hate each other now that you're out of the jungle. I love you so much. I'm so, so happy that you are home. For anyone who is unsure of how Laura and I feel about each other, just watch the reunion. It's on our Instagram. That is beautiful. No one is questioning your love for each other. We love each other. Yeah. I mean, we're just, you know, it's, we're just...

Where does marriage? Where does marriage? Well, it'd just be in a long-term relationship. We're just dealing with that. Can I just end it and say one of the things that I really appreciated from my experience in the jungle is just

I knew that there's no question of whether I love Laura and the kids, but it just made me, it just. I was unsure when I went in, but it was one of the epiphanies I had. Guys, I'm trying to have a moment here. It would just, to me, it just really highlighted. I was like, there is nothing more important than my wife, my family. And I'm so, so glad that I'm reunited with you. I never want to leave you ever again. I'm going to love you. Until she does the jungle. I'm going to, yeah, you're not doing the jungle. I'm never doing it.

No. And that's why I was so upset. I just fucking love you so much. And how do you feel about Laura? Do you love me more than a business class flight? Well, are they serving mango on that flight? No, quit while you're ahead. But look,

That is it from us on today's episode. I know that it's been a different one to our normal Wednesdays, but I feel like everything's been turned on its head this week. We'll be back to normal programming next week. When will I come back? I promise I won't open any more cans of soft drink at the start of the record. That's fine. We won't hold that against you. Oh, really? I don't know when you'll come back. There's not really another reason for you to come back too soon. He just wants to be back and talk to people again. It's so nice talking to new people. Don't let me go. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Hop.

Love me. Love me. If you have loved the episode, you can please leave us a review. We would love that as well. Five stars. Say nice things about Matt. He needs the confidence boost at the moment. Don't say five stars. It's triggering. It's too soon. And also, you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Woo!