We Argue Like Sisters, But We Love Like Sisters
01:01:39 Share

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. You can't just come in hot and decide when you want to start without telling me. You were in the middle of telling me about your nipples pointing different directions and then you started the podcast. Literally, you're like, sometimes my nipples go this way and sometimes this way. Hey guys, it's Life Uncut.

Hi. We're back. We're back. I mean, we were back on Monday for anyone who looked at their podcast app and was like, sorry, why are they here already? Yeah.

As you know, we change things up, keeping it spicy this year. Yeah, but we did withhold information from you on Monday because that's Ask Uncut. Today is the proper catch-up episode. It's even weird for me. I haven't got my head around the change because we've been in our ways for five years. What better way to catch up than to start it off with me talking about my nipples? What were you saying? One makes eye contact and the other one's just going off. You know how you always have that one friend that's a bit of a daydreamer? That's my right nipple. It's just...

Has it always been like that or just since kids? No, it's only since Lola because Lola only- She sucked it horizontally? Yeah, she only fed on one side. The right side took a beating and the left side's good to go. Stop it. She did. She would never feed on my left side. She would only feed on my right side. It was really annoying. I wonder why. Better titty. Can't blame her. Not anymore. Stop it. She ruined me. I can't laugh because I've split my lip.

So I look like that, you know, that little small mouth thing. I can't, you know, when you split your lip, you can't smile or laugh too hard because your lips pull open and split more. Can I just tell you, when you do the small mouth thing and you make that face, it actually just looks like a butthole. Sorry, but it does. It does. Butthole face. What happened between today and yesterday? I saw you yesterday and your mouth was working fine. It was split yesterday. You just mustn't have been funny yesterday. I mustn't have laughed too hard. Fair. Yeah.

Fair, I was a bit off. I don't know what has happened. I don't know if I'm really dry, like I'm really dehydrated, but my lips have just suckled in. They're like so small now and they've split open. Is that a stress thing? A stress response? Am I mimicking my plan? I don't know. I think it's

usually more to do with like it being windy or dry than a stress response. But I mean, I'm not a doctor and no one comes here for my advice on dry lips. Anyway, I'm only commenting on that in case you watch any of the socials and I look like I have a butthole face. Because every time she laughs, she goes like this. So Britt and I have obviously seen each other over the last couple of weeks or the last week, I guess. Whenever we have had a big considered break from each other, which is what we did over Christmas. Britt was away in Dubai. I was here.

Wow, Laura. Don't sell it too much. We don't tell each other our stories. And I wish, honestly, I wish I had more interesting stories to tell you all. Apart from Matt leaving me to go into the I'm a Celeb jungle, I feel like we had the most consistently vanilla, lovely, reliable holiday. Like nothing outrageous happened. It was just nice.

I think maybe because we were so in preparation for it and for him leaving that we kind of just spent and did lots of family time. Which is wonderful for reality but terrible for the podcast. I know. I was thinking, I was like, what am I going to bring to like entertain everyone? So then I bought a cock ring online. What happened?

So I bought a cock ring because I thought. Well, that escalated quickly. I had a really wholesome break and then I bought a cock ring. It was so wholesome. But I also just wanted to like send Matt off with a bang. I've never tried one. That's crazy to me because you were a bit of a fiend back in the day. Not for cock rings. What are you talking about? But you like had your legs fucked and your underarms. I'm surprised you didn't use a cock ring. Oh.

I'm not being crude or mean. It's a fact. That's what happened to you. Look, you need context because not everyone knows. You don't need context. Someone had sex with Laura's leg and armpit. That is the context.

This is a story that has haunted me for the entire time that we have been doing this podcast. It will forever be my favorite story that you have ever told. Yeah. Well, I also told at the live show, if you came to the live show, you would know it. Basically, I dated a guy for a really long time. He was like my first long-term boyfriend and he wanted to have sex with all of me. And I thought it was really flattering. And then Brittany told me how

weird it was that under my arm and behind my leg and in the crease of my neck was particularly arousing for both of us. But I'm not, I'm not, you're like, I was so ticklish on my neck. I'm not yucking anyone's yum. I just wanted you to know it wasn't as normal as you... Between the toes. You thought it was.

But what I think is the funniest thing is like, we always have to do a reset, you know, once every couple of months or every year we get a bunch of new listeners, which is amazing. But I love that our like, hey, let's just get you up to speed with who we are and what we are. Yes, someone used to fuck my leg. Let's move on. Like that is our update of who we are. This is true. That's all I bring to the table. That's all I have in my life now. But my shock about the cock ring is the fact that

I just figured that would have been a progression to the leg sex. Like I thought that you would have started from ground zero and worked your way up to the crease sex, but you're not. You jumped straight up there. Well, I would be like, to be honest, Matt and I, I think I was wilder in my 20s.

than what I've ever been in my relationship with Matt. Like Matt is pretty straighty 180 and has always been pretty straighty 180. Will he like you saying that? And not yet. Yeah. Because it's not straighty 180 in a bad way. I don't like, we have great sex. Don't get me wrong, but he's just not someone who. You don't feel the need to explore all these weird and wonderful things. Yeah. In the past, it's always been ex-partners who have been the ones that are like, Hey, let's try this. And so, because it's always been them doing those things. I

I've never had to really be like, hey, I'd love to try this thing. Anyway, maybe too much information. But I was like, well, let's just give this a go, spice things up. Maybe it'll be fun. Was it on sale? So I bought it in the Black Friday sale. I knew it. I knew it. Two for one. So it was a discounted cock ring and nothing screams romance quite like it. So I got it in the mail and I was like, hey, tried to make it funny. And I was like, maybe we should try this.

There wasn't a lot of enthusiasm. I tried to make it funny. Oh my God, this is so funny. This cock ring turned up. Should we just like utilize this weird situation and try it? And then he didn't show a lot of enthusiasm. So I just like put it on charge next to the bed. There's two parts to this story. The first part is I put it on charge next to the bed, didn't really think about it. So it's like a black silicone ring that

that's got like a thicker band on the top of it. Yeah. And the thicker band has two buttons that has many settings, like a frightening amount of settings. So it had been charging for like two days. I'd kind of forgotten about it and I was like, well, when Saturday night rolls around, isn't he in for a treat? I love how subtle you are that you just put it on charge on the bedside table. Like the anticipation, when's it going to use? Tomorrow? Next week? Who knows? Well, Lola was the one who ruined the anticipation when she came downstairs wearing it as a bracelet on full vibrate. Yeah.

Stop it, my small lips. My lips are splitting. It's so funny. She liked it so much she wanted to put it in her daycare backpack. Mummy said no. Yes. So I finally got it off her, distracted her with something else. Hang on, what happened? She just came downstairs and was like, because Lola always goes through my jewellery boxes, right? She constantly takes necklaces or bracelets and she's

you know, it's probably something that's like not quite normal, but because I have so many necklaces from Tony May, I often just let her wear my jewelry and she can have a lot of my necklaces. Like I'm not super precious about my jewelry because I have so much of it. So she's never really heard me be like, no, you can't wear that one. And so she was like walking around the house and she's like, mommy, this one moves. And then she was, yeah, like luckily she'd only figured out how to put it on the lowest setting because my God, this thing packs a punch.

So she came downstairs, had it on her wrist. I'm dead. Eventually I took it off her. I put it back on charge and in a drawer so that she couldn't find it. Back on charge. I love that you're like, well, thanks for using it all. I didn't expect for my child to be the first one to use it. But anyway, here we are. Talk me through it. What was the vibration like? So then Saturday night rolls around and we're, you know, it's about to start. And I was like, hey, why don't we try this?

The thing that Lola had on her wrist yesterday. Nothing kills the mood more than saying my toddler had this on her wrist. Why don't we try Lola's bracelet and give that a crack? So I pull it out and I got Matt to put it on and I put it on vibrate.

And it's very anticlimactic, let me tell you this. He absolutely hated it. He was like, this is the most awful sensation. He's like, it feels like someone's strangling my penis while shaking it really hard. He's like, it's horrible. And then I realised just how many settings this thing has. Oh, yeah, they're wild. The highest setting of this ring was almost as though it was trying to sand off my clitoris. Maybe you can use it for the Renault. LAUGHTER

You're crowding the floors. Not standing a bag, preparing for painting. Get Lola to look around with a brush.

Put her to work. Anyway, I really tried, guys. I was like, I'm going to get out of my box. I'm going to spice up my relationship. And I feel as though it did nothing. It did nothing of the fact. If anything, we just had a laugh about it and then had missionary sex. So everything was normal. There are so many parts to this that I like. I love the fact that you're like, shit, what can I do, Matt? He's going to the jungle for a month. I'm really going to leave him so he never forgets me and you get out of cock ring. Secondly, I wish...

Lola didn't ask you if she could take that to daycare. I wish she took that to daycare and showed off her new bracelet to everybody. It would have been amazing. But I've used it only once and it's exactly the same thing as you said. I don't understand it. He's like, this is the worst thing I have had on my dick. It's called a pleasure ring. So I don't know if you're actually supposed to necessarily put it over. It has a round ring.

I don't think you just have to wear it as like, you know, like a little dick bracelet. I don't think you have to do that. No, it's supposed to go up to the... He was like, it's really tight. And it just is like violently shaking me. Like it didn't work for us. But maybe for you, everyone. It's not my vibe for the week. It is my unsubscribe. I'm so boring. I took...

sex toys to Romania to Ben. And then when I unpacked, got home, I forgot I even took them. I didn't even bring them out. I was like, oh, that's so sad. How would he respond to it? Is he enthusiastic? Because Matt was just so utterly unenthusiastic about it. And I wanted more excitement from him. I wanted him to be like, yes. Yeah. Ben would do anything. Ben would try anything. No, that's a lie. Actually. He has vetoed some things. He's definitely vetoed some things. He

If I was to bring in toys, he'd love that, but he wouldn't do a cock ring and he wouldn't do a butt plug. Shame. Someone a couple of days ago, who I'm not going to name them, but they were telling us a story that they were using like beads that you put inside yourself, like, you know, the eggs and stuff like that. They were using those and then their friends were like, oh my God, what was it like? Like asking, is it worth getting? Yeah.

And instead of just giving them like a review and then them going and buying them, they said, why don't you try them? And they wrapped the beads in cling wrap and gave them to their friends and then their friends used them. This is someone who's really close to us. So when she was telling us the story. We were like, what the?

Britt and I sat there in utter disbelief. This makes it sound like it was me. Sorry, it wasn't me. It wasn't me and I also sat there in disbelief. You did ask Laura if you could borrow the Cochrane. You can have it, Keisha. We've used it once. It's almost new. You know when you list things on Facebook Marketplace and you're like, it's as if it's new, just a little bit used.

I understand that like you can sanitize something, you can clean something, but you just can't clean it well enough for me to be like, yeah, I'll give that a secondhand crack. I think that there would be a lot. Well, I mean, to be fair, we've spoken about reusing dildos and everything else before. If you're dishwashing them. A lot of people do because when you think about it, if you're single and you're using them with multiple partners, it's still double use, right? You're not using it with just one romantic partner. Yeah, but mentally I'm using it just with one person.

That's true. Yeah, it's a mental game. It's the narrative you tell yourself. Yeah, you keep telling yourself things. Whatever makes you sleep well at night is fine. I think there are some things in life you don't have to recycle. Think about the planet, Brittany. Anyway, I know I said I had no stories, but that truly is the most exciting thing that happened to me in the holidays. And then Matt has left me. And I know we've spoken quite a bit already about I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. He's a couple episodes deep now. He's doing well. He just got nominated for a challenge. Yes. What's his challenge?

It's called basket fall. So he has to go out on a plank and he's wearing like a bungee cord and he's got to throw the basketball into the hoop, which I'm not particularly concerned about him doing that because Matt loves heights. It's almost like it's too easy for him. He needs to do something that's grosser and harder. It's going to be famous last words if he fails miserably. You're like, it's too easy. He's going to blitz it. He'll blitz it. He'll be annoyingly good at that.

which is like I want there to be more suspense for him. I think it would have happened last night though because we're recording this the day before, obviously. So I think it happens tonight, right? Yeah. So by the time everyone's listening, you might be laughing right now being like, yeah, he did fail miserably. Well, we'll soon see.

Britt, how was your holiday? I know when you go away and you see Ben on these extended stints of time, I know that I lose you to the vortex of love. We don't hear from you. You don't reply to emails. You don't reply to text messages. We do text. The only signs of life we get from you is a sporadic bikini photo. And then we know you're doing fine. Yeah, there were some thirst traps. I don't know who else thirst trapped me. I dropped some thirst traps over the break. There were some bikini photos. Who were they for? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I love a bikini. I love a bikini. I was at the beach. I don't know. Maybe it's for Ben to look back on. So that when you're not with him, he's like, oh, that's right. My wife is hot. I had the most delightful experience.

Like it was really, really lovely. But that's because it was also super wholesome. My sister, Sherry and Jay were there. Baby Maya was there. We spent an entire week together. So like that was like the longest, deepest taste of what parent life would be for us because it's the closest we've come to ever spending that much time one-on-one with, not one-on-one, four parents to one child that doesn't even roll yet. Yeah.

It sleeps through the night because she was preppy. Anyway, it was the closest we got. So it was really nice to just like spend time as a family, see him in that position and like try to figure out what we want in relation to that. I'd feel as though though, unfortunately, I mean, great because it will lull you into a false sense of security, but you've had the best version of a baby and for adults to take care of it. Yes.

Which is amazing because now you're like, God, you're like me after I had Marley because Marley was so easy that I was like, this parenting thing is a piece of piss. Then you got Hurricane Lola. Yeah, and then I realized that actually Marley was just like a unicorn child and then I had a normal child and it was a lot harder. It really knocked that sort of cockiness straight out of me.

Well, it was, we did that. Then Sherry and Jay left. Ben and I spent a little bit more time in Romania. Then we went to Switzerland to like his hometown, which was spectacular. Like Switzerland, maybe because it's so foreign for us because it's so white and beautiful and snowy, but it is like the cleanest place, the nicest place. I'm obsessed with it. Ben, to him, it's like, oh, the snow's annoying. You know, when you, if you grow up with something, it doesn't do much for you. I loved having this white Christmas. It

It didn't actually, unfortunately, like fall snow, but there was a lot of snow. So he spent it with his family, which was really cool. Did all the little Swiss traditions, went to cheese fondue. They just eat cheese fondue as a meal. Also very wholesome. So when we were in Switzerland, we went to a place called

We went to this beautiful hotel and like it was huge. One of those hotels that has everything. And it had this like indoor gym, spas, pools, saunas, steam rooms, everything, right? And they had this giant sauna. And you know that I'm obsessed with a sauna. So I go into the sauna. Ben was finishing his workout and it's like humongous. Like it could have fit 50 people in it. No one was in there. And I was like, incredible. Sat down in my bikini and then this woman walks in and she walks in with no top on.

And a towel around her waist. And I was like, hot. Like, I wish I had that confidence. She sat down. And then someone else walked in, another woman. And she was completely naked. And I was like, oh, great confidence. The Swiss do it better than us. I love that confidence. Anyway, it was obvious that a class or something had just finished because people started pouring in.

There were 40 people in this sauna. Not one person had clothes on. I was in a nudist sauna and I didn't know. Men, women, dicks everywhere. And then they came into the nude sauna. There were no nude sauna signs. Sweat, nude, ball sweat all over me. And then Ben messages me and he goes, are you in the sauna? And I had this moment where I was like,

Do I tell him? And I was like, I sure am. He's like, is it unisex? And I was like, sure is. I was like, there's space. Come on in. Anyway, so Ben walks in, opens the door. There's just dicks everywhere. And he had his like bright green board shorts on. Like we looked so out of place. Wait, it was actually a nude sauna? It's a nude sauna. How did he not know? Because we were.

It was a part of this beautiful, luscious place that we're at. But why so specific? Only come in here if you're naked. Like that seems odd. No clothes in this order. No, they didn't kick us out. It's not like it's like you're clothed, you're out. But why? I don't... Everyone was... It was so... I was so... I'm not uncomfortable around nudity. I was uncomfortable because I felt shamed my clothes were on. You were too clothed. Yes. I was like...

I was embarrassed. Ben walked in and I saw his face just stop because there was a man sitting right at the bottom and they're not even like crossing their legs and stuff. Legs open. Like it's just unlike anything I've ever experienced. And there's layers. There's tears, like a normal saunas. There's like three different seats. So they're all teared. You can see the balls squishing down on the anyway. What a beautiful cultural moment for you to really experience what it's like. I loved it. I was just clothes shamed. Anyway, so Ben walked in and I just saw the look on his face,

He just looked at me and just like tried to cover his face, sits down next to me. And we've never felt more uncomfortable in our entire life. And they were like, you know when you can feel people looking at you? Like people like side-eyeing us because we had clothes on. Because you look like foreigners. You look like you didn't belong. But then I was like, do we take our clothes off? I was like, I didn't know what to do. It would have looked way stranger if you were like, all right then, and then just took your top off mid-sorter. I'm confused.

that it wasn't more obvious. It's like when you go to a massage, for example, and you know, well, how do you know when they tug you off? No, but I've always wondered, how do you know if this is one is a happy ending place? You know, when they put their fingers inside you. Yeah.

That's the tell, Flora. That's not normal. Also like having sex with a leg. No. Not normal. But I'm serious. People go to happy ending massage parlours, right? Yeah. And maybe they're not always happy ending. Maybe sometimes you go there and you just get a normal massage. So where is the interchange between when it goes from a normal massage to having a happier ending? Do they offer it? Are they like, hello, would you like an additional service? I've never been offered an additional service. You live in Bondi. Okay.

You're not going to the red light district. I've been to loads of massage parlours. They ask you. Why didn't they ask me? Have you been asked? Maybe I'm VIP. You're, she's lying. See? I've not been asked, but I know that they do ask you because I know people that have had them. Wow. Do they only ask men? It's so sexist. No, they ask women too. Women get them. We want equal rights. Finish me off, goddammit.

This is not the fourth wave of feminism I feel that I think we'll die on. I whip out my gawker. Hey, BYO, do I get a discount? Guys, it's been a while. I know that this is a really rogue intro to this episode, but we've missed each other. Can I also say, if you haven't listened to it yet, Brit just recently did an interview with the Shameless Girls on their new podcast, Inherited. Yeah. And the quote was... I'll read it to you. It came out today. Go listen to it. The girls are all great. Listen to it.

The quote that I apparently said, because I recorded it before I went away on holiday and it just got released. So, you know, like you sort of forget what you say. And so I saw the promo pop up today. It's Brittany Hockley on Long Distance Love, which is great. Next one is there are girls sliding into Ben's DMs, but it doesn't bother me. He knows that I'm his wholeheartedly. Who am I?

Did I say that? I hope not. I did. It's in quotation. It's quotation. Next one. This is my favourite quote that I forgot I said. Laura and I act like sisters. We'll argue like sisters, but we love like sisters.

What was happening in my life five weeks ago? I don't know. We do love like sisters. But we do. I will throw a hairbrush at you if you fucking piss me off. But it's so true. The way we act is like sisters. Like we can be passive. We love. We tell each other how it is. We laugh. We share too much. It's like, yeah. But I just laughed back at my own quote sometimes when I was like, I think I was in a spiritual moment. You were. You'd seen the light. I think you were just due for a holiday.

Yeah. You were being really introspective. Actually, I have a question for you, Britt. The one thing I get asked the most about your wedding, like the most frequent question that comes up is what is your plan after the wedding with Ben? And

I ask it because I also am not sure, but no, but genuinely, after spending so much time together over Christmas, have you guys thought about or had a more firm plan around what you're going to do once the wedding happens? I get asked this daily. I can imagine. Yeah. I understand why, because it's not normal. Like we don't have a normal relationship. So we actually get married and then the short answer is no, we don't know. We don't have a plan. Yeah.

But I know that we won't be together yet. So we get married and then two days later, Ben flies back to keep playing football and I fly back to come back to radio and podcasting and whatever else here. We're not having like an official honeymoon. We get like two max three days post-wedding before he goes back. So we'll have a couple of days together, just us, like where, you know, we spend time with the family and friends before the wedding, on the wedding. So we'll have those two or three days, then we go back to our own worlds and

And then we're just going to play on until the end of the year and then make a decision. Because it's not that easy. Like we've spoken about it before. There's so many moving parts in both of our lives. And both of you in terms of work at the moment, like especially Ben, Ben's on like a contract, you know, like his contract work is, it's not like you can just get up mid-season and piss off. No. I mean, I try, but. You could very well try, but no, exactly. But it'll depend too. If I fell pregnant.

Or we did IVF or whatever. If I was having a baby, then yes, I would make that decision to be together. I know that I'm not going to have a baby alone.

So that's one thing. But that's actually made me think of something funny. So when Ben and I are together, I don't know if I've really told you guys this, but whenever we are together, we try to fall pregnant. Yeah. No, you told me, but I don't think you told the pod. No, I don't think I've told the lifers. But we try to the point of like, I have tested ovulation. I'm tracking ovulation on an app. We know we're having sex on ovulation. We do the pregnancy test. We've done that forever.

for 18 months really obviously to no avail but when we were in Dubai I had ovulated we'd had sex and then it'd been about a week and it was coming up to New Year's Eve and I knew that I wanted to have some drinks so I thought I'll do a pregnancy test before I have drinks because I wanted to be very particular I know like if I fall pregnant I'm going to do every single thing to you know have a healthy pregnancy did a pregnancy test and it was negative so I put it in the bin

Like you would. With the little cup that I did the urine in, like it's in the bin in our hotel room. And then I left and then I came back and it was out of the bin and like on the shelf. From the cleaners? Yeah. And I was like, that's weird. So I put it back in the bin. Yeah.

And I came back the next day, it's out of the bin. They won't take it. They kept taking it out of the urine cup and out of the bin and putting it on display, even though it was negative. And I was like, I don't understand. I get it. It's negative. But I didn't understand why they wouldn't throw it out. It was the weirdest thing. Did you put the cap back on it?

Yeah, it was in the bin. In the bathroom bin. Not everyone puts a cap back on it and it's just like the fibrous P tab part that's out. And so that would have been worse for them. They had to take it out of the bag in the bin and leave it for me. It was real. I can't work it out. Is Dubai a place where you have to be married? Is that why? Were you getting shamed? No, because we were married there. Yeah. But I did ask Ben that. I was like, is this illegal? Yeah.

The police outside? I was like, I don't know. But it was really weird. They just kept putting it on display. That's so odd. I know. And didn't get to the bottom of it. No. And still not pregnant. It didn't help. It did not help the situation. I don't know what the point of that was. But yeah, so going back, if we fall pregnant, we will sort it out. Until then, like, yes, this podcast can be done anywhere. We know that.

bit more effort and time frames and stuff like that. But you guys know that if that happens, we've done that for years where we've been overseas and done it. It's not going to be the issue. But we also have radio and things like that. And we love radio and we don't want to give radio up. So radio is the thing that's less flexible, I guess, because it's the, it's the job that we have that we don't control.

You know, Life Uncut is ours. We're this little family and we function in a way that works with our lifestyles and we're able. And it's not normal. And it's also why we've changed up the day drops this year is because we were doing so much work on a Sunday in order to prepare and record on a Monday morning. But now with this new structure, it means that we're only working throughout the week on weekdays. So we're able to make those changes when it's our own product and our own show. And with the radio show, I mean, it's obviously it's a broadcast network, so it's not

ours completely. Even though we get control over some of the content, it's not ours to say when we will and won't record. They're like, no, you will record and you will come into studio. Yeah, we're employees. Yeah. They just employ us. I love that I didn't know what that word was. I was like, it's been so long. I think I, what's that thing again that I do for that company? Let me break it down. You work for them. I'm employed. But yeah, even radio, there is a possibility in the future that radio will be more flexible. Yeah. Maybe I'm dreaming big, but we will be together.

I actually don't know. I hope to be together before I'm 40, which is fucked, isn't it? That's three years. I don't know. It's really tough. It's really tough. I lose sleep over it. Yeah. If we could see each other every two months, it's okay. But at the moment it's going to like, seems to be stretching out to like four month periods and that's really long. Yeah. I feel like as soon as it gets to kind of the three month period, that's when like

things start to feel harder for you guys. Totally. And that's when we just, I just, I just argue with him. Like, and I know that it's me. I'm just like a short little bitch. No, it's okay. What's your excuse when you're like that with me? We see each other every day. We're like sisters. Yeah, we fight like sisters. We love like sisters. We should put that on our tombstone if we die together. Would you be buried on top of me or below me? What would you prefer?

Well, that kind of brings you up to speed on what has been happening in our lives over the last couple of months. There's also been other big things that have been happening in the world that we wanted to talk about. I'm sure you've all seen by now that TikTok had the shortest cancellation in the history of anyone's cancellation that there ever was.

It was here and then it was gone and then it was back again. No one has ever come back from a cancellation in 14 hours before like TikTok has. So on Sunday, more than 170 million users were banned from TikTok. Isn't it crazy though that like when you think about the cancellation that happened, so it was just in the States,

170 million users. It's so much money. Morgan and Stanley reported that over the course of the year, if it remained banned, they would lose roughly $10 billion in ad revenue and people would lose 32 billion hours of scroll time. 32 billion hours of scroll time. That's insane. That's in a year. Yeah.

The interesting thing though about this is that's $10 billion of ad revenue to the platform, but we're not taking into account the billions of dollars in influencer revenue because you're not paying commission on that. You're not paying like a subscription fee or anything like this. So the platform itself generates so many occupations and careers for people. I know lots of people have lots of feelings about influencer work, but it is a legitimate career that funds many people's livelihoods. So it must have been quite frightening for people to have had that

ripped away from them without having any sort of certainty around when it would or wouldn't come back. Well, of course, for a lot of people, a lot of the big people that were making money on it, it was a job loss. So of course it's going to be really scary and upsetting, but I can't believe the stronghold

I mean, I can believe it. The stronghold that TikTok has on the everyday person, people that just use it to consume media and scroll, they're not making money from it. We're having like proper breakdowns where they were in hysterics, not knowing what they were going to do with their life. They don't know what they're going to do when they get home and have nothing to scroll on. That was really shocking to me. Like I know it happens, but it was a really stark

reminder of the hold that this has over people's mental health. Did you see Jane Liu? So Jane Liu is the CEO of Shopo. She also is one of the CEOs on Shark Tank at the moment. So she had her TikTok shut down. And the reason for that is because she had set it up when she was on a work trip in the United States. And so she'd been making a lot of funny content around how, you know, she was like, TikTok, it's going to be banned. It's going to be banned. Not actually thinking hers would be being that she's an Australian resident. Because she forgot what

Where she set it up. Yeah, she completely forgot. And then she went to log on to TikTok and she received that notification message that was kind of making its way around on every other social media network, which was TikTok saying that your TikTok is no longer available in this area. But the thing we wanted to talk about around this cancellation is the trend that happened just preceding it. So everybody knew that on Sunday, the TikTok ban was going to come into place. And a lot of prolific TikTok creators started saying,

their final dying lie or their final dying confession. And it is a trend that was backed to the sound. It's from Family Guy. Since we're all going to die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you. I did not care for the Godfather. What? Did not care for the Godfather. Oh.

How can you even say that? Didn't like it. So the way that this trend worked is that, you know, big influencers who had millions and millions of followers would have the sound playing. They would mimic and mime the sound. And then over the top of it was their confession. Some of them were really harmless and very, very funny all around how they'd faked content or they'd staged different things that they had created in order to gain engagement. It was all kind of fake.

So there were like two different categories of them. The lighthearted couldn't care less about, and then there were the more serious. But some of the lighthearted ones, like there was an influencer called Kaylee May who

She went viral for, believe it or not, she used to make fancy ice cubes. I didn't even know this was a thing. It's like DIY ice cubes that you do when you're having like fancy cocktails and stuff. If you're entertaining or having a house party or something. So niche. Very niche. But also, I don't know if you've seen them. They're very beautiful. Well, she admitted as her last dying purge before she got kicked off TikTok that she never actually used any of the special ice cubes. Like that was her confession. Yeah.

Who cares, right? Like you're like, okay, you're obviously talented. You can make it. I don't care. Like that's a shitty confession to me. There's another one which I came across. So there's quite a famous TikToker named Ashley Matheson. She has 6.5 million followers and there's one piece of content that made her particularly viral on TikTok. It's crazy.

been coined tripod girl. Now, it is a video that looks as though it was an accident is how it's been framed. She's like doing a little dance in her room and then she jumps onto her bed. But when she jumps onto her bed, she accidentally kicks up the tripod stand that has nothing on the top of it. So it's just a tripod stick and the stick goes right up her hoo-ha. Flacker, yeah. Anyway, she then like… She really was a tripod. Makes… Ew. She makes…

Well, that's true. That's true. She became one with the tripod. She makes like a funny face and she's very beautiful and like obviously men have just gone nuts over this piece of content. It's had 205.9 million views and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of comments. So this was the content that made her famous. She came out and was like the tripod reel was completely staged. And so –

I know no one cares. Once again, it's harmless. But at the same time, you're like, oh. Also, funny thing to stage when it could literally perforate your insides. I don't think it actually went up her vagina. Oh, she faked the whole thing. Yeah, I think it was completely staged. See, I feel really lied to and I didn't even see it and I don't even follow her. I think that's not cool. There was one girl, Lexi Hidalgo. She got 2.7 million followers.

Her content was around like coffee chats. She would sit down, she'd have a coffee and she would just like talk to you about whatever's going on. And she was not a fitness influencer, but she was known for her workouts. So she's obviously has a rig.

did all these workouts that she posted. And so a lot of people actually followed her for that. And she admitted that she had never actually consumed one of the coffees that she had in coffee chat. And she often didn't even do the workouts that she posted. Now, a lot of people laughed at this, but then there were some people, like one of the comments is, this took me out. This is the reason that I followed her. And both were lies.

instant ick. There are some serious ones. There was like a body confidence influencer. That's what she was known for. And she admitted as her dying wish that she uses a Zempik, the weight loss drug, which is like, so she's sort of faked what she was. She's lied. She doesn't believe in what she was saying. And I

think that that is really hard when you've built a community on something like that's more serious. That's making fun of your community, I think. Yeah, don't get me wrong. I understand why people, there was like mixed reactions to this trend. There were a lot of people who saw the funny side in it. And there were a lot of people who were pretty angry about it. And I understand the

the anger and this is not to get like too deep or too nuanced on this necessarily but I kind of liken it to a brand imagine if a brand was saying this is who we are these are our values this is what we stand for and then all of a sudden they were like ha ha ha psych thanks for all your money thanks for all your time thanks for your investment we're actually nothing like that at all and it's all been fake I do think that there is a reason why people feel a bit jilted no 100%

100%. But on the flip side to that, I kind of also go, are you surprised? Are you surprised that there are people out there who use a platform that is built for engagement and they fabricate the version of themselves in order to get as much engagement as possible? Yeah, I don't know if I believe that.

I don't know if I sort of want to follow what you're saying. I know what you're trying to say, but I liken it to us, right? This podcast. And what I will say is we have not once ever, and we have been accused sometimes when we have had really fucking wild accidentally unfiltered. People are like, you've made that up. Hand on heart. We have not once ever made an accidentally unfiltered up or an ask uncut up. Every single thing we have done on this pod, we've never made a story up.

Believe it or not, Mayo is my middle name. My laugh is real. We've never made anything up. Actually, there was a review recently that was like, Brittany is so full of shit, she thinks her middle name's Mayo. Can we post your license on Instagram just to prove it? If you blank out my address.

But my point is, like, imagine us building this for five years and then we go out and say, hey, we've made all that up. Of course, people are going to be offended because you become like a family in a community and there is that parasocial relationship. What I don't understand is...

what these people were thinking. They're not dying. The world is not ending. It's not the year 2000. You still have other platforms. You're going to migrate your content to Instagram or to one of the new platforms that are built. But all of a sudden you've just shit on your community. Then you're like,

Oh, just go follow me over on Instagram though. You saw it. So once TikTok was reinstated after 14 hours, there were a lot of people who were backtracking and a lot of people were backtracking because I genuinely think that these influencers who jumped on this trend

probably didn't have the self-awareness to realize how people were going to react. I don't think they had the self-awareness to go, oh, actually people are genuinely invested in me because I do create this product. But the reason why they're invested in me is on something that I have fabricated. I don't think they thought it through until they started to receive the negative reactions. And then that's what kind of made them go, oh, wow, I fucking, I read the room wrong on this one.

Bullshit. If you have 3 million followers, 5 million followers, 10 million followers, you know your followers are invested. Like you've built that community on them being invested. If you don't have the capacity to read the room and understand that pulling the wool over their eyes and being psych motherfuckers, I lied to you the whole time. If you cannot understand that that is going to have negative repercussions, you don't deserve the audience. That sounds deep.

But I'm like, if you're going to admit to everyone and make them feel silly for believing in what you said and like following, buying products, buying into all the lies, then I think that you don't deserve that platform. And I know that we weren't going to go serious, but it sort of makes me angry that people

can be taking people's attention, time, which is so precious and money with just blatant lies. Yeah, I do agree. I completely agree. The only thing that I like in it too, though, and the reason why I say, should we be surprised is because there is so much evidence of it that already existed before people came out and said, Hey, actually, you know, here's my dying confession. We know people use Facetune. We know people edit their

photos. We know that people sell a version of themselves that's not congruent with who they are in the real world. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be invested in influencers. Please be invested in influencers. Hello, we have a podcast. We love you being invested in us. Invest. But I think we have to be

conscious about who we are investing our time in or to what level? I think that's the biggest difference though. I think it's usually because when we get the aha moment about who someone actually is, you know, when we get that insight and we're like, oh, we've actually found the cracks in you, in your facade.

We point it and we go, oh, you're not who I thought you were. But this time it's reversed. They've kind of like exposed their own crap. Yeah. I also question like, you know, you were talking about Serena Kerrigan, who is the TikToker who spoke about how she, so she's the confidence TikToker and she's the one who turned around and said, oh, I'm actually taking Monjuro, which is a type of weight loss drug, very similar to Ozempic.

Part of me is like, yes, I get why people are mad about that because they've followed her for her persona as being confident in her body. They've followed her for her weight loss journey and they probably felt a bit tricked. But on the other hand, I'm like, I understand that a Zen pick has been like a highly controversial drug that a lot of people who have used it and have found benefits in it have struggled with being open about. That is why

widely reported on. I know people who also take a Zempik and are not honest about it because there's almost like a shame attached. We did a really great episode on this with Johan Hari if you want to go back and have a listen. I see both sides. I understand the outrage, but I also understand the purge because now she gets to be the version of herself that

that is authentic because she can burn the lies down. And if she does rebuild, it's based on truth. It's not based on the version of herself that she fell into the spiral of being on social media. I've thought about that a lot. And I think I've landed on where I draw the line. I don't mind when people keep whatever they want to themselves. There's a very big difference for me when they're financially profiting from

off of the lie though. Yeah, true. So for her, her being like confidence and, you know, I haven't seen her content, but if she was posting diet plans and recipes and workouts and she was making money off of that, which she would have been because she would have been a part of the creator fund, that's different for me. I agree. And I also think in relation to that, Laura, it's great that now she will have honest content

But it wasn't a choice to make that content while her audience was still active. It was a choice to capitalize into the last minute before she thought it was canceled. And they all got a beautiful amount of reprieve where the weight was lifted off their chest for a total of 14 hours before TikTok came back with a welcome back notification. I couldn't stop reading it. And then I was like, Trump has 100% written this. Like TikTok and Trump are sucking each other's dicks right now.

It says, welcome back. Thanks for your patience and support. As a result of President Trump's efforts, TikTok is back in the US. You can continue to create, share and discover all the things you love on TikTok. Making it sound like Trump has like... Saved it. Swooped in at the nth hour and said to 170 million Americans, I've got you. I've saved you. I've brought your life back. And I just think...

Have we forgotten that Trump was the person that kicked off this ban? Like this was Trump's idea. Trump wanted to cancel it. And now all of a sudden at the perfect time, he has brought it back and been everyone's savior on the day of his inauguration. Well, this has been.

is in 2020 so the reason why this all came into effect so during Trump's last term because TikTok is owned by a Chinese company it was a breach on national security for America so it's like he's the one who created the fear and he created the ban and then he saved the ban and now everyone's like thanks Trump for

saving the ban on TikTok. It really has been quite a wild little rollercoaster there. But interestingly, the inauguration only happened about one to two nights ago, depending on when you're listening to this and when this was recorded. It was very recent. And so we woke up this morning to photos of Melania Trump going to her own funeral.

I, okay. The inauguration had some highlights. We really did. And I just want to, we wanted to touch on just a very minimal few because we have our very strong feelings about the inauguration in general, but Melania's hat is...

And her outfit. Perfect. It was iconic is what it was. She is dressed identically and Fashion Critical called this out, but we said it as well here. There is a company in Australia called Lady Funerals. She is wearing a Lady Funeral outfit. She bought their uniform. She went to the funeral of her own life for the next four years. I'm not.

convinced it's Melania. I think she's been cloned. I can't believe she's still there and I don't think he wants to admit it. She wore the hat that covered half of her face so you can't properly see her. I don't think it's her. Conspiracy. I don't think it's her. But the funniest part is, and if you haven't seen this outfit, yes, she's going to a funeral, but please go and watch this video.

The hat is so big that there is a moment that Donald Trump goes to kiss her and he can't get under her hat. He physically can't reach her and he's tilting his big fat ugly head. He's trying to get under there and air kiss her and the hat is a condom for her face.

He can't reach her. So he has to end up giving up and puts an air kiss in. That's why she wore the hat. She's protecting herself from her own husband at her funeral. We're going to put this video up on Instagram because it really is just such a highlight. I've never seen someone look as though they have as much disdain for a kiss. Like imagine your husband being inaugurated as the president and

It looks like he goes to kiss her on the lips. She turns her head and doesn't even give him the opportunity to get his face in below the hat. And so he ends up just air kissing the side of her face. There's no contact. And she looks repulsed.

There is no contact. She doesn't even try. She doesn't even assist. She could have tilted slightly to like a 45 degree angle. The hat would have tilted and his mug would have gone under. It is the funniest, most awkward thing. I've watched it on replay. What's the bet that Melania has the ick for her own husband? And will we get in trouble by saying this? No, that's not her. Yeah.

I don't believe it's her. I think she's done a runner. I think she's done a runner. Can you blame her? There's another moment. There's this photo. If you haven't seen it, we'll put it up as well. But it's Mark Zuckerberg sitting next to Jeff Bezos' wife, a fiancé, sorry, Lauren Sanchez.

And she's basically like talking about Melania being in a funeral suit. She's basically wearing like white lingerie. She's got this suit on. It looks banging, but her décolletage is looking great and it's out. And the photo is just Mark Zuckerberg sitting next to her just looking at her tits. Like that is what he's doing. They're talking. He's not even looking at her. He's blatantly looking at her boobs. It's...

And I'm like, you're at the president's inauguration talking to the richest man in the world's wife. Eyes up here, buddy. Do you think he does? Eyes up here. Like one job. One job. Fact check. Second job. Don't.

Don't look at Jeff Bezos' wife's tits. Look, I know we make lots of jokes about the inauguration in general and there have been some really funny things that have come off the back of it, but there's been some really fucking terrifying things as well. Yeah, we laugh because we're terrified.

Literally, literally. I mean, one thing that has come out today, which I know we will probably talk about more in depth in the coming weeks, but there was a quote that Donald Trump said at his inauguration and it's around the US government's policies on gender and diversity. He said, as of today, it will be henceforth the official policy of the United States government that there are only two genders, male and female.

Which is horrifying for all of the progress that has been made for trans communities, for the LGBTQI community. Like this is such a step backwards. And the thing that is just so like devastating is that it opens up for so much more discrimination and it makes it okay again. The reason that this is so terrifying and, you know, all the tech bros are sitting there and we can make jokes about what they're wearing and what they look like and the new branding that they basically all have. But

Facebook, sorry, Meta in total has just removed their policies that kind of protected hate speech towards trans people and non-binary people. Like these things are kind of all happening at the same time. You know, the owner of TikTok was sitting there at the inauguration too. Like it's also quite scary to see them all kind of sitting there like they're just the owners of the world. And this doesn't just impact people.

America. You know, this impacts us. It impacts everyone. And you know what? It's also just so fucking embarrassing that of all the things to talk about, of all the incredibly important points that could be made in that inauguration speech, that he thought it was important to make that claim. He found it so imperative that he needed to outline what gender means to him, you know? And I just think of all the other really critical and important things that a

Like, why that? I think it's a power move. Yeah. I think it's, hey, Democrats, you thought you made the progress. I'm here to tell you we are back and we are going to steamroll. But also it once again makes an enemy. Like, that's what he's doing. It's also really scary because money is power and he has the richest people in the world on his team. He's got the Bezos. He's got the Zuckerberg. He's got Elon Musk, Trump.

So not only does he literally have the power, I mean, he's got the money himself, but he's got all the money to back him, which is really scary. But it's also been proven that he's untouchable. And I think that is what, when I think about it, what scares me the most is because like

There used to be this little tiny part in you that thought, okay, he's cooked, but if he does something too far, he'll be held accountable. But it has been proven that he will not be held accountable. And now it's even more scary because it's like, oh, you can do anything you want and no one can touch you. Yeah. And that's scary. Well, to all of our non-binary friends, we are thinking of you because we know how, like we just know that this would have been a really fucking horrifying day. So we are all thinking of you and you have our full and unwavering support. Yeah.

Let's get into Axelian Filters. Your most embarrassing stories. And if you have one that's happened to you over the Christmas break, please send them in. We need them just as much as we always have.

The first time I stayed at my boyfriend's place, I unfortunately had my period pretty bad. I went into the bathroom, changed my pad, and very discreetly, I rolled it up into a tissue and I put that tissue into the main bin. I even made the point to lift things out of the bin and to put the pad underneath it so that it could not be found. I went to chill out for a bit and flash forward 20 minutes. I come back into the kitchen and there is the pad.

It is sitting on the kitchen bench, no longer covered in tissue. My boyfriend is a very, very tidy person, so I can only assume that as he was cleaning up, he took things out of the bin to restack it and the pad came out too. Luckily, it wasn't too gruesome and after seeing it, I put it back into the bin. My boyfriend and I have never spoken about it. So her bloody pad was on the kitchen bench.

I have so many questions that have gone unanswered. And the reason why I needed to talk about this with you was because I know she says that her boyfriend's very tidy and he pulled it out and maybe restacked the bin. How did it get unwrapped? No, who restacks a bin? That's the question. How did the pad unwrap itself?

I'll never forget once I was at my boyfriend's house. I will never forget it. This is when I was really, really young. I also had a pad. Took it out and I also wrapped it in the toilet paper and I meant to put it in the bin and I don't, I must have got distracted and it was, I was obviously washing my hands or something and it was on the sink and then I just left. Yeah.

And then I had that realisation like hours later and I called him. I was mortified because, you know, when you're really young, I was like, you need to do me a favour, please. I left some rubbish in the bathroom on the sink. Can you please go back and put it in the bin? And he went in and he's like, there's nothing here, babe. Mum's cleaned. And I was fucking mortified. His mum had to pick up like my bloody menstrual tampon. She thought you were so rank. Like if I would just leave that around, I was like, we have to break up. But you did just leave it around.

And we broke up. Can we go back to this question at hand? Okay. I'm sorry. But I know that your boyfriend might be clean and tidy and maybe it stuck to what was underneath, but I just can't understand. I'm struggling to comprehend how it unraveled itself and then neatly laid itself on a kitchen bench unless he did it and was hoping you would bring it up. Maybe he has like a period kink and you just never brought it up. So he was like, guess that didn't fly. And then he put it back in the bin. Like you with the cock ring, leaving the cock ring.

ring out? I just left it out. You know, like there's got to be a reason. Like some people leave engagement rings out as a subtle cue to when they want to get engaged. Pitches. Yeah. He's got a blood thing. He's got a pad thing. I don't, I don't get it. I think we need to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't know if we do. It was only 20 minutes. If it was hours and hours, I could formulate some story about a pet or something, you know, like

20 minutes is a pretty short period. He fished it out, unwrapped it and stuck it to the kitchen bench. That's not the weird thing though. The weird thing is still restacking a bin. She says he's clean and likes to restack the bin. There's more going on here with this dude. You restack a cardboard bin but you don't restack like your garbage bin. Not a bin that's got literal garbage in it. Hey, honey, I'll cook dinner in a minute. Just got to sort the bin. There's going to be some restacking. The period goes on the top.

Babe, you always put the period under things. Why do you do that? Put it to the side. Put it on the left. He's Lego-ing Tetris-ing the bin. That's weird to me. Yeah, that is weird. It is weird. Hey.

Nah, I won't tell you. I won't tell you. Yes, you will. No, I just told these guys before and it was the craziest story I've ever heard. It was on another podcast. I came across this on socials and I didn't save it. So I don't know who the original podcast was, right? But it was the social grab that was going absolutely bananas. It was an American podcast and they were reading a story out that they'd come across. So this man had been taking his wife's tampons

putting them in a rehydrator that he makes beef jerky in and keeping them. But Keisha, there was more to the story. No, I didn't need more. He every so often would pop one in his tea. Like a teapot. Yep.

And the woman found a drawer full of rehydrated tampons. And she was like, obviously freaked out and was like, my husband's not the man I thought he was. And he thinks that she's overreacting. And I watched this thing on Instagram and I questioned how I got here. I'm never going to be the same person. And neither are you now that you've heard it. Laura said this to me this morning.

And I said I would be less surprised if I found out that my partner had murdered someone. That's how weird that is. If he was stockpiling your used tampons. If we didn't feel the need to nuance chat Donald Trump, I don't think we need to nuance chat the man that steals his wife's tampons, dehydrates them with a beef jerky and uses them as a tea bag. She also said husband. She didn't say ex-husband. How is that?

How is that not grounds for divorce? Horrifying. I know we talk about some messed up things on this podcast, but that wasn't from us. That was not our content and it was not our story. But I came across it and I have not stopped thinking about it since it happened. Okay. I have something similar. I saw this also just on Instagram. It's a girl that, I mean, she's taking recycling products

To the next level. So what she was doing is just like living her best life, having loads of sex. Great, great, great, great. She was keeping all the condoms and then she made a dress out of them. Yeah.

No, I need to show you it. I'm not. And she wore it as fashion. It's a condom dress. A used condom dress. People are so great. I love people. I love how weird we all are. Okay, to be fair, when you look at this, you're going to be like, that's fucking hot dress until you look at it. We need to bring back bullying. No, look at this dress. It's fashion. It's all condoms. Did she wear it to like Fashion Week or something? Yeah. Imagine if you wore that on a date. Yeah.

I don't think anybody has ever been as sex positive as her. She takes the cake. She wins. It looks beautiful. It's got ruffles. It's got texture. But they're all used condoms. Oh, sorry. She wore that to Miss Universe.

That's Miss Universe. Good on her. Good on her. You know, we talk about progression and how it's been such a good thing. Sometimes I do wonder if we swung the pendulum too far. That's too far for me. I don't mind condom dresses if it wasn't used, but I find it weird that it was off the back of like your sexual escapades. For me, that was a bit like clean ones, fine. But if there's like semen flinging around, I don't know. Seems unhygienic. Seems unnecessary. Semen's unhygienic. Good for the planet though.

Great. I'm also good for having that much sex. It'd take me years to make that dress. Yeah. Keisha, take you half your lifetime. What are you talking about? Me too. I wouldn't even be able to make a boot tube. But you'd have a banging bracelet.

Every two weeks. No, that's a lie. Every week. All right, let's leave. We're doing good. Let's leave. It's time to go. You've got a second suite still. Second suite. My suck for the week is, look, I actually spoke about this a bit on Two Doting Dads. I filled in for Matt this week. So if you were a Two Doting Dads listener, you would have heard this already. But Matt changed Lola's daycare before he left to go into the jungle. So it was terrible timing.

He made the decision he wanted Lola to go to a different daycare. I wasn't completely on board with that decision. And we have now been going through changing her to a new school and it's been so much harder than I thought it would be to the point where I picked her up from school yesterday and she was crying from the time I picked her up to the time I put her to bed. And then she woke up at 3 a.m. in the morning and cried for 20 minutes saying, please, mummy, don't send me to school. Did she say why? Why?

She said she's scared and it's too many people that she doesn't know. And she just doesn't want to be there. She's been at the same daycare since she was a baby and her daycare teachers are also her babysitters. So like she has such a close relationship with them. So going to a new school where all the kids that already have their networks already have their friends, new teachers, new everything. It's been a really, really challenging transition for us. It's funny though, because you've, I mean, you've told me some of the instances in the car and stuff before she goes, it sounds horrific, but

I always assumed and you always hear people say, especially at that age, that kids are so malleable and like they make friends so quickly and they don't necessarily hold on so much to their past. So it's really unusual in my expertise as a child psychologist. It's really unusual for me to, for me, for me to hear that she's having such a hard time making new friends when she's only three. Like, I just thought it was like, oh, here's some new kids. Cause you know,

Kids go to a park, right? They'll go and be best friends with the kid on the slide for four hours. Yeah, it is not that simple. And I think anyone who has kids the same age as my kid's age know that as much as kids can be really adaptable and make friends quickly in some situations, they're

They also are learning like the social cues. And so like, for example, a child might make a friend really easy in a park, but usually it's because that friend is also on their own. Now she's gotten put into a new situation where everyone has their groups of friends and she's trying to interact. And she also is missing all of the friends that she made and everything that was familiar to her. Kids need routine. They love routine.

It is so overstimulatingly new that she is not coping with it. I'm going to give it another couple of weeks, but if she hasn't changed about it, I can't do 25 minutes of crying at 3am saying, mommy, please don't send me to daycare. My sweet for the week, like I said, it is Matt being in the jungle, watching him on TV. I feel like he was really himself on the last episode. The first episode, I think he was a bit nervous.

It's unusual. Yeah, and he kind of, I can tell when he's nervous, whereas like last night's episode I felt like he was very him and I feel really proud of him. I hope he's having a good time. So go and vote Maddie J on 10 Play, everybody, 10 votes. You can vote 10 times a day just for Maddie J.

No rhymes. My psyche is that I feel like a really bad mum as well, but I don't have Delilah. So a lot of people have been asking in my messages because I've been going on walks, posting stuff since I've been back the last week and she hasn't been in it. And as you guys know, Delilah is my core content. Like my life revolves around Delilah. People are like, what happened to Delilah? Yeah. So Delilah's still here. Don't worry. People thought when I killed the plant that I'd also forgotten about her. Dude, so many messages came through being like, don't let Keisha look after Delilah. She can't look after the plant.

Plants are different. So different. Dogs make noise when you neglect them. Plants don't. They just die quietly in the corner. I love Delilah. I had no emotional connection to that plant. Shock. Shock.

So Delilah has been on a beach vacation. She always goes on a beach vacation when I go away. She goes to Port Macquarie with my parents and she has the time of her life. They have two dogs. They're free running on the beach like wild horses. She loves her life. But since I've gotten back, we've been pretty full on with a lot of stuff here. We've been seven days a week work basically to catch up and I haven't been able to drive up. It's five hours away.

And part of me is in a way I'm not in a rush. My dad's like, you don't need to worry because she's having the time of her life. So half of me is like, I want her to keep having fun because she doesn't have the same life here. She's got a great life, but I don't have other dogs to play with. And I'm not home all the time. And she's not, you know, free reign at the beach. But then the other half of me is like,

She's my dog. I want my dog back. No, what if she doesn't want to come back? What if she's like, fair, she probably doesn't. I don't want to go back there. I made the decision. It was really hard. When I FaceTime her.

I don't talk to her because it upsets her when she hears my voice. So I just look at her. I'm such a creep. Dad will FaceTime and I just look at her because when I first went, I FaceTimed her and I was speaking to her and Dad said she was really sad after that. I lie. You know, I make the joke. Dogs want to be wherever their favourite human is. It doesn't matter what else is going on. But I don't think I'm the favourite anymore. No, I think you are. Dad gives a peanut butter toast.

You give her salmon. That's true. It's fine. And your sweet for the week? My sweet for the week would be that my plant is flourishing. So I've got three leaves now, the plant that we killed, and I'm actually really optimistic that it might come back. Have you put period blood in there yet? No, because I haven't had my period yet. I haven't gone around asking the street for period donations. So my period, if anyone cares, will be here soon and I will update you. I'm going to use it. But it's coming back and I'm shocked because

I've had a lot of messages from people saying, and I don't know if I believe this, plants know their owners and can sense them when they come home and stuff. So people were like, they

they sensed that you came home and now it's thriving. So I don't know if I believe that yet. Neither do I. Watch this space. Let's get out of here. That's all right. That is it from us, guys. If you've enjoyed the episode, please go and leave a review. We're so happy that we're back. Also subscribe, hit the little plus button wherever you listen to your podcast so that it drops into your library every single week. And we will be back on Friday with our interview episode. It's going to be a good one to kick off the year with. Welcome back. Welcome. Welcome.

You know the drill. We're ending the episode now, Britt, not starting it in case you're curious. Thanks for listening. Bye, everybody. Goodbye. You remember. Oh, my God, I forgot it. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love.