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cover of episode Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers

Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers

2025/6/11
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Modern Love
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Terry Real: 我认为给孩子最好的礼物是父亲自身的健康和疗愈。如果父亲自己有创伤，或者与自己的父母关系不好，就应该去接受治疗，解决这些问题。只有这样，才能成为孩子的好榜样，才能与孩子建立健康的亲子关系。我通过努力，让我父亲对我更加敞开心扉，而且在临终前，他表达了对我的爱和遗憾。这让我更加坚信，父亲的自我疗愈对孩子来说至关重要。我一直强调，父亲要以身作则，向孩子展示真实的自己，包括脆弱的一面。人与人之间的连接是通过脆弱性实现的，如果父亲总是把自己封闭起来，孩子也很难敞开心扉。所以，父亲要敢于表达自己的情感，与孩子分享自己的经历，这样才能建立更加亲密的关系。家长要坚持与孩子建立连接，鼓励他们表达自己的想法。与青少年相处要温和，适度地推动他们，但不要强迫。要接受孩子的喜好，不要强迫他们成为你想要的样子。对孩子的引导要适度，孩子有自己的个性和发展轨迹。养育孩子要兼顾养育、引导和界限，而男性往往更侧重于引导和界限。关系中的赋权应该是既坚定又充满爱意的，而不是个人力量的展示。在父权制下，人们认为连接、顺从和女性化与强大、独立和男性化是互斥的，但真正的力量是既能保持连接又能表达自我。男孩不需要男性来教他们如何成为男人，单亲妈妈或同性恋妈妈也能把儿子培养得很好。认可自己作为母亲的成就，相信自己已经教给儿子成为一个有爱心的人所需的一切。如果与子女关系疏远，需要寻求专业的家庭治疗师的帮助。无论年龄多大，都要接受治疗，解决过去的创伤，才能拥有幸福健康的家庭。首先要减轻自己的抑郁和创伤，然后与孩子谈谈你的疗愈之旅，以及你过去和现在的状态。如果你以他们应有的方式对待某人，他们可能会成为他们应有的样子。要有勇气，相信自己的直觉，坚持做正确的事情。世界不属于我们，我们彼此属于。敞开心扉，为下一代提供连接的礼物。去和孩子们一起烧烤，享受乐趣。

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For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. We heard from listeners who told us that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. Your stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into your father’s emotional world meant so much.

On this episode of Modern Love, we hear your stories about your dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques.

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