He wanted to open the floodgates and see what came in, believing it would draw stories from people who otherwise wouldn't have shared them. This approach created a safe space for readers to submit their own stories, inspired by others who had done the same.
He has learned that love is not just about romantic relationships but encompasses all forms of human bonds, including family, friendships, and parenthood. The column has also taught him about the importance of presence, the beauty of impermanence, and the necessity of conflict in deepening relationships.
His life experiences, including the end of his 29-year marriage, the death of his father, and the growth of his children into adulthood, have given him a deeper understanding of the complexities of love and loss. These personal experiences have made the column's stories more relatable and impactful for him.
The essay emphasizes that the beauty of love lies in its impermanence. The fleeting nature of connections makes them precious and beautiful, teaching the importance of being present and appreciating the moment, rather than fearing loss.
The essay highlights that conflict, when resolved, can deepen a relationship. It challenges the idea that a successful relationship should avoid fighting, showing that fighting can lead to a better understanding of each other and a stronger bond.
The essay demonstrates that bravery is a core act of love and life. It shows the courage required to make difficult choices, such as deciding to keep a child with severe health issues, and the importance of embracing life's messiness rather than trying to avoid it.
He advises against a cocky or overly confident approach, suggesting that humility and a sense of searching for answers are more compelling. Stories should present problems in an interesting way without necessarily needing to provide solutions.
When Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he called for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years and over a thousand published essays later, Modern Love is a trove of real-life love stories.
Jones has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells Anna Martin, the host of the “Modern Love” podcast, the stories shared in the columns have influenced him, too. Today, he talks about three Modern Love essays that have changed the way he thinks about love and relationships.
Read the essays below:
One Bouquet of Fleeting Beauty, Please)
Nursing a Wound in an Appropriate Setting)
My First Lesson in Motherhood)
How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times)
How to submit a Tiny Love Story)
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