Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
If you're about to make a big decision, who are some of the people you consult with?
I'm John Fuller along with our vice president of parenting, Dr. Danny Huerta. And Danny, do you have some people that you can kind of check in regarding parenting decisions? Yeah, I mean, I've had mentors in my life and we talk about parenting issues or decisions or just life in general. So good to have that in your life. If you don't have a mentor or two or three in your life, you are missing out on something that could be very, very helpful to you.
And it's important to have that community around you that can speak life into you, that you can bounce ideas off of, have lunch, have coffee, have dinner with one, two, three people. Even if it's once a month with each one, so, so key. It's been life transforming for me. Yeah. And for us, just this past weekend, I was thinking about, for lack of a better term, the life group that we've been a part of.
that was a church Sunday school class, and we started going over 20 years ago. And we have watched the kids of several of these families grow up
Right.
find a good church. I'm a big believer of that, especially now looking back saying, wow, we haven't done this alone. We've had some really good input along the way. Now, if you're a single parent, this is especially crucial. And we're going to turn now to a conversation with Pam Farrell and Peggy Sue Wells. They spoke with Focus on the Family president Jim Daly and shared about an acronym, GPS, when it comes to making big parenting decisions.
Mention you use the acronym GPS in the book. I think this was good. It's far better than the current definition of GPS. So what is your GPS? So we taught our boys, those who honor God, God honors, verse 1 Samuel. And so before you say or do anything, simply check in with your inner GPS. Does this decision show honor to God? G, people, P, self, S.
check in with that energy. Yes. And if you get a green light on all those, it's a good, healthy decision. And it works for single moms to us grownups. We can use that same, you know, acrostic. Absolutely. Peggy Sue, I'd like you to react to the story and I've shared it before only once or twice, but I, the letter made a huge impact on me here at focus. And it was,
you know, a while back, but this woman who was probably 32 or 33 wrote me this note. And this is right in your wheelhouse and that's why I'm sharing it with you so you can give me and all of us listening some perspective.
So, at seven years old, her dad took her to breakfast and said, "Listen, mommy and I aren't getting along. It's not your fault." I thought, "Well, that's good. Those are all the right things to say. But we're going to not live together anymore. We're not going to be married. But I'll see you every other weekend and I'll see you for two whole weeks in the summer. You'll come and be with me." And she was writing this letter now at 32 about a time when she was seven.
And she said, that was the last time I saw my father. Right. And she said, and here's the connection going back to the rebuilding of the heavenly father's position because the earthly father did such damage. But she said, I got into so many bad relationships looking for a father's love in the men that I would meet. And that is such a common story. That whole thing.
In a woman's, a girl's heart particularly, saying, "Am I lovable?" It's crushing. A single parent home is still a family. And in that single parent home, we still learn people skills that are going to take us into our life. It is still something that God can use. He's at work even in this.
And it puts us in a structure. And I know for me, having even grown up that way, I felt that way. And so people would say, well, do you think God's big enough to handle this? I'm like, I'm sure he's big enough to handle it. I just don't know if he will. I think he's going to withhold from me because that was my experience in the past with what the men and the authority people in my life, the men would be. They would just withhold that affection, withhold that relationship. And so I think it's really helpful then to be able to walk alongside someone because I
That was where working with a mentor where I could go and say, yes, I think he's going to withhold. And then we'd be like, great, let's go through scripture and let's see what does it really say about God. And so I found I had to come to all those places where I found a check or a place where I couldn't trust the Lord or the place where I'm like hurt or I'm heartbroken or you let me down or you let my kids down.
As I would find those, I learned to dig down and to go through Scripture. What does Scripture say? And then I literally was able to replace the lies with the truth. And that is so hard to do. And what happens as parents, we don't know the stories that our kids have told themselves about what happened in that moment. And so staying really connected with the kids and being able to just—
How do you feel about this? And I would see things come down. I would see a face change. And I would say, what did you just hear? As I was talking to one of the kids, well, you said I'm stupid and I can't do it. No, I didn't. But what I learned to say was, I understand that's what you heard. Because we hear those things based on those experiences and those lies that we already have in our head. And I said, I understand that's what you heard. Let me try again. And then I would talk some more until we would finally have an understanding of
We have to keep finding out that when what I feel and what's going on in my head doesn't align with what Scripture says, I'm the one that's needing to come back and see what's the lie I'm believing, dig it out, and replace it with truth. Boy, that's so, so good. Okay, Dani, Peggy Sue remembered a situation where she had to replace some of those lies that she was believing with God's truth.
How have you encouraged parents who are in a tough spot to seek out the truth to kind of correct where they're at as a parent? Yeah, I mean, Scripture's filled with principles that help with the realigning of that. Ephesians 2.10 is usually the place I start with parents because of...
of the, especially with single parents, because there's this idea that maybe I'm falling short. I'm doing, I'm less than because I'm a single parent. My kids are already in a bad spot. All the statistics are against me now. And man, couldn't I get this whole parenting and marriage thing right? And all these lies, starting with
God died for you, and so you're a masterpiece of His creation, His workmanship, created on purpose and with purpose. That's a great starting point to start to knock out those lies and to say, "Hey, I've got influence over my children's lives. I need to be a good listener. I need to ask good questions to explore what they're going through. I can bring playfulness and I can bring a curiosity that will help me connect with my children."
And I can provide guidance based on wisdom with God's word. So I can provide some key developmental things for my kids. And there are going to be mistakes along the way that allow for grace and love to be present. It's all right there packaged in. So as parents, we ground it with Ephesians 2.10, and then we move it from there. What does that mean? Once you believe Ephesians 2.10,
In John 3.16, that God died for you, not for your marriage, not for anything else. God died for you, and he has given you eternal life and wants to have a relationship with you.
And he's created you on purpose and with purpose. And part of stewardship are your kids. Let's start there. That's a great starting point. That's a big picture perspective. And if what Danny's sharing about is a little bit foreign to you, why don't you do a couple of things? First, in the show notes, we're going to share a link to a little PDF called Coming Home, An Invitation to Join God's Family.
It is a terrific little resource to help you understand God's plan for you, his love for you, the purposes he has for you. And then give us a call if we can be of help. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family. And to go deeper on the topic of being a single mom, then get a copy of the book from Pam and Peggy Sue. It's called The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make.
And we've got details for that in the show notes as well. Please leave a rating for us and review wherever you listen and let us know how these shows are impacting your life. Your feedback is really appreciated. And for now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller. And thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.
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