Adjusting, Not Overcommitting
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Well, in so many ways across life, in business, in school, in the home, it's been observed that small adjustments can lead to big results. But if you're really busy as a parent, if you don't have any margin, if you don't have room to make even small changes, what do you do? I'm John Fuller, joined by Dr. Dani Huerta, who leads the Focus Parenting team. And we're going to hear now from Christy Clover. She was on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And

She told Jim how she's learned to make little micro-adjustments as a mom and how it's been impactful. And here she is now talking with Jim. In your book, MOM, Master Organizer of Mayhem, you laid out 10 simple rules for home organization. And we're going to cover a few of them, but people need to get the book. I mean, we don't have time enough to cover them all. But one in there is glean and tweak technique. What is that?

Well, that's what I kind of learned. When I started approaching home organization, I was trying to follow all the rules. I was trying to do what the Martha Stewart's of the world were doing and what my friends who grew up in organized homes were doing. That's exhausting. Oh, yeah.

No, it did not work well. And what I found is that there's techniques that work, but you also have to tweak a technique because God created all of us to be unique. He created our families to be unique. He created our children. And we all have different dynamics within our home as well. And so you have to take that into account. And then as soon as you get... I feel like I always do a little warning because as soon as you get your groove on and as soon as things are running smoothly, a season changes or something happens. And I don't mean like seasonal. I just mean...

you know, like a new baby is welcomed or, you know, you've got a kid in a different, you know, in different situation. And so things do change. Let me ask you in that regard, because that's a really important point that I hadn't thought about. We, we tend to be creatures of habit. We read or hear something like this program and then we get the book and we think we got to do it exactly like this, almost like a herd mentality, but the ability to spin it into your own thing. So it's functional and it works is better than,

Oh, yeah. Because usually you're not going to succeed at the way somebody does it their way, right? So how to bring it in and make it functional for you. That's a great challenge. Yeah, it is. And it's interesting because I try to explain that in the book. Like, please take this as just like this is yet another example of how to attempt to get things done. So I try to encourage people, try this. If it doesn't work, don't feel like a failure. And I think that is the key. So often we try to follow these rules. Right. And...

then we feel like a failure. And then it's like, we, you know, then it just kind of tumbles down from there and then we're overwhelmed and we never start.

And so we have to just know that I just need to tweak this and then glean from other people and tweak it to make it work. That's one of the 10. We'll cover a couple more. You mentioned in the book that you bought this nice property and it was so wonderful that you were in your heart thinking, oh, this would be a great place for a wedding. And then you had a friend ask you, could we do a wedding at your house? To which you said yes. The only thing is...

you're about ready to have a life change. Yeah, we just had a life change. So just ratchet our stress up and let us enter into that moment of your life. Oh, it was so good. I just remember when we were first walking our property, I was thinking, oh, we could do so many things here. And we have been able to do a lot there. But at that particular time, I was like, I dreamed of having a wedding in

in the backyard. The picture, what it looks like just for our minds. So our backyard is beautiful. It's kind of terraced. And so we have this big grass area, which is where we've had two weddings there now. So the temporary gazebo goes in and they have a little fun little archway and you can put the tables in, in the chairs. And then we have a little like garden fountain area. So we have lots of fun little nook and cranny kind of areas that make for a great

And that's what I was thinking. So when our friends approached us, I was like, this is my dream come true. And my husband was because they were very set on a date. So they were very set. And at that point, I kind of did that. I'm very set on a date because I was very pregnant. And but I was like, but I'm organized. I can do this.

I can pull this off. Did your husband not try to talk you out of this? He did. This ended up being the greatest I told you so moment in our marriage, I believe. So he kept going, oh, Christy, I don't think so. And I'm like, no, I can do this. Well, husbands can only push that so far. Yeah, because I was hormonal.

I was a very hormonal pregnant woman. I wasn't going to say that. Were you going to say that? No, you wouldn't. I will say it for you. I am self-aware. And so you're moving along. And then when did this aha become reality? Yeah. So I went into labor two weeks early. I went into labor on my birthday. On your birthday? On my birthday. On the wedding? Almost the wedding date. Six days before the wedding. Six days. So I had a newborn at this wedding. And it was not what we had planned. And I learned that.

there is such a thing as over planning. There's such a thing as over committing. And this was a great example of over committing. And it really pointed out to me that I needed to remember my priorities. So I needed to go back to, okay, my family, my growing child is a priority. My health is a priority because I'm sure that some of the stress that was happening of making everything come together was probably part of what put me into a little,

Just a little bit. It's so amazing. And so you were really involved with the wedding, right? Not just the property. Like, okay, do whatever you want to do. I'll be back tomorrow night because I'm going to rest all day. They did a pretty good job of doing things. But, you know, like we'll do everything kind of did turn into, oh, and by the way, can you do this? And so my husband was the champion of that one. Oh, that's good. And everything that was on my shoulders went to his shoulders once the baby was born. So, yeah. And that was baby number four. So I really should have known better.

Now, that's a great story. I appreciate that, that honesty. Because, I mean, all the husbands are going, what? Yeah, they're going to be like, listen to this part, dear. And all the wives are going, I can't believe it. So that's all good.

Danny, a lot of guys might hear this and think, oh yeah, the women, they get overcommitted, but we are guilty as well. So what do you do personally? This isn't a gotcha moment. You're coming off a vacation as we're talking right now. So what do you do? I mean, you've got a very busy work schedule and a very busy personal life. Man, we've had so many conversations on this, John, just as a couple.

The reality is if you're in your calling, if you're in a place where you're working and you find fulfillment and love the job you do, you naturally pull towards it. And it can get tricky on the healthy yeses and healthy noes.

And the trickier one that we've been talking about, Heather and I, is, okay, this is a ministry. If you look at the disciples, they let go of everything, even family at that time, and pursued a life with Jesus. And so there are busier seasons than others. And I've noticed that what helps me from overcommitting is gaining perspective on between urgent and important. Those two words, just dancing in those two words together.

thinking about what do I feel is urgent and why is it urgent? Is it someone else's urgency that I feel I have to pick up for them? And why would I need to do that? Is it to make them happy? What is my role there? And then what is important? And am I making the investments in that? Or is my family the one suffering because I have not been able to say no to certain people out of a fear of disappointing them?

And man, it's been a journey of learning that, being able to say no and feel okay if somebody is disappointed because it was something that I didn't have to do and there were important things I needed to go to. I remember recently I was asked to go speak a wonderful opportunity. I mean, a wonderful one. I was excited. I said, oh, we can do this, this. I was dreaming with a person. And then I

I found out that my niece is being raised by my parents. It's her graduation. And she said, hey, are you coming to my graduation? And we're going to have a graduation party. That's an important one, important investment in her life. And then my daughter had said, hey, I have this thing this one weekend. It's the same weekend. And can we just get away to have a little margin together? And so that's when I had to say no.

And maybe years back, I would have said yes and said, well, you know, we'll find another weekend to celebrate and do all those things out of wanting to do both. And that's the overcommitting. So I had to make a hard decision. And those investments are so worth it, John. The ones with our kids, with our family, with our close friends, with our extended family, everything.

Because time truly has a number to it. And I love the Psalm, John, that says, it's Psalm 90, verse 12. It says, so teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. And so knowing that there's a number to them and many people regret not spending the time they could have with certain people they love where they know the intersections they had.

And they decided the other out of an angst of wanting to make everybody happy. Yeah. Yeah. So look at your schedule and prioritize people over projects and families first. Sometimes messes are a result of that, right? As far as our house being messy. Oh gosh, yes. I get home and I think there are 17 things I'd like to fix, but not today. It

It'll wait for another day. That's how life is. Unfinished in many respects, but I would rather have the time with my family than be able to say, no, the house is all there. And the days come in where you get to...

Get some of those things done. So don't fret on that. I appreciate that. That's good encouragement. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you're feeling overwhelmed and we're not offering any assurance in this show, then take a deep breath and spend about 10 or 15 minutes. Maybe you can do that. 10 or 15 minutes and fill out our parenting assessment. It's online. It's free. It's going to give you insights into where you're really doing well, where you're shining as a mom or a dad or whatever.

It'll also point out areas of growth opportunities for you. And John, it's for your relationship with each child. It gives you great insights to see...

maybe what child am I struggling with in my relationship there? And what do I need to address there to improve my relationship with that one child? So if you have five kids, you'll take the assessment five times. That will give you great insights. It's all free, which is great. Yeah, I appreciate that. Your team is doing a lot of great stuff. And that's just one of the things that we have for you. I do want to mention Christy Clover's book, M.O.M., Master Organizer of Mayhem.

She writes extensively in there about not over committing, about finding balance, about small adjustments and so much more. It's a terrific resource. You can learn more about it and get a copy from us here at the ministry. When you make a gift of any amount, either a monthly pledge or a one-time gift, donate and request that book right from the show notes.

We'll hear more from Christine next time. And for now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and our entire team, thanks for listening. I'm John Fuller, and this has been the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast. Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a Hope Restored Marriage Intensive.

Our biblically-based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.