Praying Fervently for Your Teenager
12:01 Share

I've got six adult kids, and I can tell you no matter how old your children are, you're never going to have a season where you don't want to pray for them.

And all the parents of teens just said, yes, amen, even more so. I'm John Fuller, joined by Dr. Danny Huerta, who leads our parenting team. And Danny, we have to pray for our kids. I mean, we're called to pray for our kids. We get to pray for our kids. But it seems like teens, they're just, I don't remember a time when teenagers were facing more challenges and had more stuff going on. Yeah, John, listen to this. So in 2022, big

Big survey, CDC said that 59% of teens admit to being addicted to their smartphones. That was in 2022. In 2023, a CDC report again, 60% of teen girls, 14 to 17, say they are persistently sad or feel hopeless. And we know that within that same report, it showed that around 23-ish percent

seriously considered suicide, death by suicide. We know drug use has gone up, different types of drugs. In 2021, so it's four years ago, and we know social media continues to grow, 90% of teens felt pressure from social media to look a certain way. And I've seen an increase in eating disorders in boys and an increase in eating disorders in girls with implications of all the way to death with that.

Boys are struggling with this thing called bigorexia, trying to look as big as possible. They say it's bulk season, that's what they call it. Kind of like a bear, right? I mean, they're just taking food in and they want to bulk up and that's something that's become popular. And then lifting and lifting obsessively to try to be as big as possible. And for what? It's really for acceptance.

It's to look a certain way in order to feel a sense of love and affirmation from others. And so that was from the American Psychological Association back in 2021. And then another study said that 38% of high school students say they're sexually active. And there's a high percentage of Christian high school students that are in that place and are...

and are really stepping into places where it has implications on their relationships in the future. So yeah, we need to be praying for our teens every single day. You just gave us at least four billboards of statistics that remind us how serious things are for our teens.

For now, let's go ahead and turn to a conversation from Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Jim talked with Jodi Berndt about how she prayed for her children with more intentionality, especially as they reached the teen years. Hey, that is, you know, part of it, this fear factor that many parents have. And, you know, Jean and I fit in that camp too. When you're parenting children, there are going to be times when you're going, okay, can I really trust the Lord? Right. If you're honest. Yeah.

And things may not be going the way that I anticipated they should go. And in this, can I really trust the Lord? So I guess generally that the idea is, you know, every mountain, a molehill, every molehill, a mountain. That's kind of how Gina reacted. You know, we're always saying, okay, is this a mountain or a molehill? Speak to that issue of discernment, I guess, and what parenting is like today and

just whacking down all these threats that we see. Well, I don't know. I would wonder if every generation doesn't think we're in the hardest time. I think that's true. I don't know that. But those mountain molehill distinguishing characteristics, how can you tell? Is this something to really worry about? Is this something to not? And I think that's where prayer really does come in because we don't know all the answers. We don't know our teen's heart. We don't even know where they are some of the time physically. And we certainly don't always know where they are emotionally.

But the beautiful thing is that God does. He searches hearts. His understanding, Scripture says, has no limit.

So even though we might not know, he does. And we can ask him to equip us with that kind of discernment. And as you said in the intro, again, to give us a spirit of self-control, of confidence, a sound mind, not so that we have to be victims of fear. And I want to, the parents that are listening or watching on YouTube, I just want to encourage you to stick with this because we're not going to dance around the tough issues. We'll talk about the teens that are prodigals and doing difficult things and how do we pray for them really.

You're going to pray for them, Jodi? We'll get to all of that. But I think generally speaking, what's the encouragement that you would give us right from the get-go here about praying for our teenagers? How did you pray for your teenagers? Let's just ask that question. How did I pray? Well, I prayed a lot. And that's very honest. You're very honest in the book about difficulties. I wasn't planning to write the book.

This is the one you didn't want to write. I didn't want to write this one. I had written Praying the Scriptures for Your Children. And that book covered, I don't know, 20, 24 different topics about their faith and their character and their future. Taking care of their boo-boos. All of that. But I had written in there about their future, their marriage partner, their purpose in life. And then I'll never forget, our daughter came home and...

And there was a guy with her, and he was wearing a T-shirt that had a word on it that you can't say on air. Certainly not on Focus on the Family. And he's – they're how old? He was – they were teens, young teens. And, you know, they're in our home, and I saw his shirt, and I saw my younger son, who was learning to read, trying to sound it out, you know. And I just thought, where are we going with this?

So I thought, I gotta figure out some prayers for my daughter and her dating relationships and her friendships. So I grabbed that first book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Children. No, I thought you were gonna say you grabbed the shirt. No, I wanted to grab the shirt. So you grabbed the book. Yeah, so later that day, I went and I got the book and I thought, okay, what's in here? And I realized I'd moved from praying for your child's friendships to praying for your child's marriage partner eventually. I thought I was being future thinking. Yeah.

And I never wrote anything about those dating years. And I thought, okay, we got to go back to the drawing board here. I need to interview some wiser parents. I need to get some scriptures in my arsenal to be able to cover my daughter with those things. And you said it already. There's so many different things we pray about as our kids move through the teen years. Their friendships, their dating relationships, but also their relationships.

emotional health, their mental health, their character. I think it is so hard today. Rates of anxiety, depression, all-time highs. So lots and lots to cover. And the good thing is God's a parent. He gets it.

He's been everywhere we are. And so he invites us to partner with him through our prayers. That's so true. And again, there's a wide spectrum of households represented in the Christian community. Some will have pretty strict rules. Some don't have a boy with a bad word on his shirt, I know. Correct. And no dating. And we get that. And then others will be in the middle. We have boundaries. We know that the boys and girls are going to date at 16, 17 or what have you. So-

Again, just be gentle as we talk through this, if you're listening and viewing. And just apply the principles, I would suggest, to what we're talking about. Really great insights from Jodi Berndt. I so appreciate her perspective and the way she shares from her heart.

And Danny, somebody is listening, thinking, I don't even know where to start. My kid is in so much hot water, so many deep weeds because of bad choices, and I'm discouraged. How do I even begin to pray? Yeah, I love Jody's perspective on this. Just the prayer is so important. And I know many times we overlook that. We take that for granted. It's our last thing. We were talking to the creator of the universe.

And he cares more for our kids than we do. We can't even imagine that. And so to lean into that, I know sometimes it's hard because it's not going to turn out. You're not in control in that moment. And we want to be in control when we see our kids making poor decisions.

But one thing you want to realize is that the teen brain is going through so many changes and some of the poor decision making makes sense. It's natural for the teen years, unfortunately. They're looking for a sense of belonging. Comparison is very common and very natural at that time to know, am I normal? Am I not?

They're more willing to take risks and more prone to stress. And so when you combine all that, if they're feeling insecure and most teenagers are feeling insecure, that mixes with poor decision-making very, very well. And so what you want to ask is what are they actually pursuing? What are they trying to satisfy underneath the surface? So it gives you some homework to explore in deeper conversation. What is it that you're looking for?

What causes you to feel insecure and unsettled? What gives you energy and why that? What is it that you are hoping to get as you're making these decisions? What's happening there? God is pursuing your kids more than you can even imagine. He's waiting there to talk to them.

So pray consistently for your teen. I remember one time, John, when my mom came into my room. I remember I wasn't making the best decisions at the time. I was a teen. No. I thought you've been this way the whole time. Yeah, imagine that. And she came into my room in the middle of the night, John, and started feeling for my feet. It freaked me out. I couldn't sleep for like two hours. She came over and just started praying.

in my bed, but was looking for my feet to be able to grab my foot. And I was going, I said, mom, what are you doing? She said, I'm praying for you. And man, that hit me hard. I was going, okay. Yeah, my mom loves me. She sees something. And it was this relationship we had. And I was frustrated that she came in at like two in the morning to pray for me. And she woke me up and I was freaked out because I saw this person and they're feeling for my feet. But then it hit me. I was going, man, my mom really, she does love me.

And I wonder what she's concerned about. It caused me to have those question marks. We're all on a journey, John. And we need to realize that our kids are on a journey. And we need to be faithful. We need to be obedient the best we can. Model having a trusting relationship with our Heavenly Father. And then validate the fact that your teen is going to struggle. They're not going to be perfect. Be patient with that. Ask the deeper questions. Yeah.

Well, that's some great encouragement, Danny. And I hope that as a mom or a dad, you're thinking, okay, it starts today. We want to help you do just that. We want to help you get going on praying more intentionally for your child, especially your teen. And we've got a resource that Jodi Berndt has created, and it's free. It's called 31 Days of Prayer for Teens Calendar. And you can access it through the link in the show notes, download it, and start praying today with more intentionality.

And then for a deeper dive, get a copy of Jodi's excellent book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens, Opening the Door for God's Provision in Their Lives. This goes so much more in depth than we could present here. And we'd love to send this book to you. We'd ask that if you can, you make a monthly donation of any amount to support this show and the work of Focus on the Family.

As you do so, you'll be helping families literally around the world. So please donate generously as you can and then request that book by Jodi Berndt, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. We've got details in the show notes or give us a call. And because there's so much more from Jodi, we'll hear more from her next time. And for now, on behalf of Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller and thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.

Listen to Season 8 of Loving Well right now, wherever you get your podcasts.