Praying Over Your Teen’s Insecurities
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I think during every parent's journey, particularly during the teen years, there is a kind of a heightened sense of prayer.

I need to be praying for my teenager. And I know you get it if you've got teens or if you're about to have teens. It's good to pray over them, and we're going to talk a little bit about that today. I'm John Fuller, joined by Dr. Danny Huerta, who heads up our parenting team. Danny, did you find your prayer life intensified as your kids were becoming teenagers? I'd say yes. I mean, it

I guess intensified is a good word, John. I loved getting to know more about their internal struggles with some more words to them, a little bit more depth to really what is happening inside. And everybody carries insecurities. Everyone that's listening, us, John, you and I, we carry insecurities with us, some more than others and some more obvious than others. And with our kids...

We may be so close to the situation that we may not see all the insecurities and we may not know them. And that's what I prayed for as I was guiding my kids. I would say, Lord, help me know and to be able to know my kids well enough to know what it is that they're wrestling with inside and help them to know and see who they are as your children. And when they look at themselves in the mirror, to be able to see that

who you've created them to be, the good things, the good aspects. And I would pray for them diligently and fervently. And I know there are a couple of times where I went in the hallway where they didn't see me and I just got on my knees. I said, Lord, help free them from the distraction of insecurities that can get them way off track. Yeah.

And we know there's an enemy trying to lie to them all day long. I pray that they will hear your voice and will know your voice in the middle of the chaos. And there's a quote that my daughter sent me one time. She gave to me and it said, never let the noise of the world around you drown out God's word about you. That's from Ann Bosskamp. That's good. So true. Sometimes God's voice gets drowned out. Mm-hmm.

And as parents, let's pray that they're able to hear through that. That's really good. We just close off the show right there, Danny. I feel like that was a really powerful point you just made. However, we're going to continue as we hear now from Jim Daly as he spoke with Jodi Berndt. Jodi talked about ways that she prayed for her own children during their teenage years.

I think the lack of that feedback loop is a great point because I think, you know, when you're raising your children and saying, now say please and thank you. And, you know, they stumble through that. And then all of a sudden at some age, like you hear them say it on their own without coaching. Right. And you're going, oh my goodness, they heard me. Yeah. And it's kind of the same in this area of responsibility. You know, you're saying, do this, do that, or let's pray about this. Let's think this way about this. And you do that.

Almost like a rehearsal all the time, all the time. And then hopefully you're going to see that spark that one day they do it for themselves. Right. And if you don't see it, you can still have the confidence that God is working. Like my favorite parenting teen prayer comes out of Philippians 2, verse 13. That verse says, it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. In other words, he's giving you, he's giving your teens confidence.

the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. We think it's on us. I gotta get my kid to think and say and do the right thing. And God is saying, Philippians 2, it's the Lord who's working all of this. I think often we read that scripture and put us in there, right? Oh, absolutely. I'm like, I work in them. It is dad's job. Mom's job. I know. That's so true. Yeah.

Let's recognize that it can be heartbreaking for parents when their teenagers struggle with friends or there's just something socially that's not working. And I understand that this was an issue during your early teen years, which is hard to believe because you're so outgoing and-

So pleasant. Well, thanks be to God. But what was going on for you as a child? Okay, true story, true story. And I wish I had a photo. Back then, we didn't have our phones and could take pictures all the time, but this would be classic. You could pop it up for the audience to see. But I went through middle school, and I had these little wire-rimmed John Lennon glasses, and I had braces on my teeth, and I had this headgear that I wore every day, wrapped around the back of my head, wrapped around my neck. I mean...

I mean, I told myself, I tried to tell myself it was jewelry, you know, it was an accessory, but it was not. It was not attractive. But not only that. In junior high. In junior high. That's tough. Middle school. That's really tough. You know, hats off to my parents. Honestly, parents listening, they were great at telling me that they thought I was beautiful. And, you know, when you hear that enough from your parents, it can start to take root in your soul, even when you're wrapped up in metal headgear and glasses and all that.

But the other thing my parents did, and parents, I'm not sure I'd recommend this one. I wanted a purse to look like all the other girls because the cool girls had these beautiful leather purses that had flowers etched in them and colored. And I said, I just, all I want for my birthday is a leather purse with the flowers and

And they went to the Christian bookstore where they got a discount and they found a purse. But my purse was twice the size of the other girls. And it came not just with the flowers engraved, but the words, Jesus is Lord, were engraved on my purse. And y'all, I carried that purse to school every day.

So there I am in my headgear and my braces and my glasses and my Jesus is Lord purse. And so you're wondering why I... I'm not responding to any of this. I wish people could see your face right now. I'm just saying. I know. I know. Maybe I had read that verse. I'm a boy, but I could feel your pain. Thank you. I guess I'd read that verse. If anyone's ashamed of me, I'll be ashamed of him in my kingdom. I don't know what made me do it. We're stacking the deck against you there. But I will tell you, during that lonely season, and it was a lonely season, I

I really leaned into the Lord. I'm grateful that I knew him even as a teenager, a young teen. And I think that that time helped shape me and form me to know that he would never leave me and he was with me. And for a parent who has a child going through that without friends, and maybe they're not as extreme as I was.

but to just pray that they can sense God's nearness, his presence, his comfort, and then continue to use your words, mom and dad. Proverbs 18, 21 says, words kill, words give life. They're either poison or fruit. You choose. That's the message translation of that, Proverbs 18.

I think we can give our kids, our loneliest kids life when we speak those words over them. You are beautiful. You are so kind. You are accomplished. God loves you so much. You're his masterpiece. I totally agree. And next time when we come back, we'll talk more about identity, identity in Christ, because it's so critical today. Absolutely. I don't know that we can do enough because that's such a big well for young people that we can do enough to fill it, but we have got to concentrate on that.

Absolutely. So they don't get lost in some other identity other than rooted in Christ, belonging to Christ, et cetera. Well, I so appreciate Jodi Berndt. She's got such a deep heart for the Lord. Yeah, yeah. So, Danny, how do I know if I'm...

really offering something of meaning to my teen. So like there was one time I remember one of my girls looked at Dina and said, well, you just have to say that because you're the mom. They felt like it's, you know, the obligatory thing. And Dina wasn't, she wasn't offering just, you know, empty platitudes. She was offering something real. But how do we get to the real? How do we get to something that is meaningful to our children?

Yeah. One time I joked with my daughter on that one. She said those specific words. Really? Dad, you have to say that because you're my dad. And I said, no, as your dad, I get to see the value in you. I get to know that. And I got to make sure that I tell you about it. But as parents, we do need to learn how to tell our kids what they're actually good at and to give them feedback that's honest and not just trying to make them feel good or be happy.

it's okay for our kids not to be good at something. And we've talked about that on the show, John, that

we need to be encouraging and honest with our kids. And do we ever really know if we've given them the right amount of encouragement? I don't think we do. We just, we need to give it to them. Yeah, can we ever give them too much encouragement? Yeah, maybe so. If we're always positive, it's all encouraging, they'll go, okay, so who really am I? And see, as parents, we get to reflect back who they are and help them discover that

who they are in Christ. And in that, we get to shape that and to let them know, hey,

Either you're going to need more practice in this or this is not a natural thing for you and that's okay. I've noticed that you're really good at these other things. Let's focus the time on that because you only have a certain amount of time. And then when you see their drawings or they're in school, help them see what they're diligent at. Or if they do a painting, give an observation back. I see that you created this. I love how you use this color and that. Instead of just saying, hey, you're an amazing artist.

What does that even mean? Be specific. What does that mean? Right. So with our kids, let's be specific and detailed. I love that word, specific, John. Well, this goes back to last show about insecurities because there's always going to be some level of insecurity in your child. But...

And you don't want to foster that through some false praise. So yeah, I like what you're saying. Point it out. It creates insecurity for us, John, if we think we're supposed to be good at everything. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, we can't be good at everything, right? Let's hone in what that is for our kids and have that specificity that you talked about. I appreciate it. Your transparency, because you've walked all this through with your own kids, and then you've spent so many hours counseling others, and you

You lead the team here. You just got so much wisdom. And I love what you've said today, Danny. John, that was encouraging. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Yeah. I'll try to be specific. I won't go on insecurity. Yeah, there you go. Well, we're joking, but I mean, it is true, right? Even as adults, we carry this stuff. We do. You know, around with us. So listen, Jody's book is so good. Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens. Get a copy of that. It's going to give you some really practical ways to pray on a regular basis, but

for your child. And it's not these poofy prayers to impress God. It's his word. And praying his word, I think, is really powerful. So make a donation today to the show. Help support the Ministry of Focus on the Family. Help us help parents literally around the world through this show and through so many resources that Danny's team puts together. We'll say thank you for being a part of the support team by sending Jody's book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens.

And you can call us or we've got details in the show notes.

And then we have a free online parenting assessment, and prayer is one of the elements that it addresses that you'll learn more about. Thousands have filled this out. It will be really valuable for you to spend the 10 or 15 minutes to fill out the assessment. You'll get very practical insights when you're done, and it's going to give you a lot of things to work on in the coming days. Very helpful. It's free. Join the thousands who have taken the free online parenting assessment.

The link is in the show notes. And we'll hear more from Jodi next time. And for now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller. And thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast. Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a Hope Restored Marriage Intensive.

Our biblically-based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.