Teaching Kids Gratitude & Prayer
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When your children are younger, let's say 5 to 15, when they don't get their way, they're going to stew about it. They're going to make you pay for not getting their way. But this is a wonderful opportunity for you to teach them that thankfulness is something that will help in the situation. I'm John Fuller with Dr. Danny Huerta, who heads up the Focus on the Family Parenting Department here

And gratitude, Danny, I think there's research that shows gratitude is kind of a superpower that we can tap into, but we don't use it. And kids don't learn it, it seems, apart from some parents who kind of push it, like write the thank you note, say thank you, sir, thank you, ma'am. What are we talking about here when we say thankfulness and gratitude? Yeah, for kids, I need to learn that

Gratitude is a mindset that we enter our life with. So you can enter the day with a heart of gratitude or a heart where you're demanding the world needs to give you something. And so when you start off the day with gratitude, you're saying, hey, we have a brand new day. We get to unwrap today. And thankfulness means that you are actually showing that gratitude through a thankful posture. So that means thankful words, gratitude.

Noticing that people are doing things and saying, hey, I'm thankful for that or thank you for doing that. And we try to do that as parents. Sometimes we'll say, hey, make sure you tell them thank you. Make sure you say thank you for that. And I remember early on with my daughter talking about this whole thankful thing. And she goes, how do I know if I'm actually thankful? Because if I say thank you, but I don't really feel it, how do I know that?

And that was a great question for me to think about this idea of posture, the posture of gratitude. And that means I have a heart that recognizes I received something. I am receiving something. And then I am articulating that I have. So as spouses, you can do this. You can say, hey, thank you for washing the dishes. Thank you for working today. Thank you for what you do in the home. And the more you create that type of culture of saying it out loud,

the more you're creating a culture of thankfulness. And in that, you're creating a mindset, a natural mindset that has gratitude to it. And there's so many benefits scientifically. And as a listener, take some time to look at all the research that points to the great benefits for your children, your family, you individually from a posture of gratitude. You'll see mental well-being, physical well-being, health.

and relational well-being. The other one is a humble heart that's developed in your kids. And from that, we know scripture tells us some great things of what happens when we have a humble heart. Yeah, I appreciate that. And let's go ahead and hear a clip now from Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Jim spoke with Stephanie Thurling and Sarah Holmstrom about teaching your kids gratitude.

I like this concept of the grateful game. So tell me about the grateful game and how do you play it with your kids? That one is our favorite. It's so simple. And maybe parents who are listening or grandparents, you do some sort of rendition of this already. But we just go back and forth sharing something we want to thank God for and why. And now that my kids are older, they like the ABC version. So thank you for apples. They're delicious. Bananas. Yeah. Carrots. Oh, no, not carrots. No, no carrots. Or names of God either.

in, going back and forth and saying what we're thankful for. And the reason we play is it just kind of shifts the mood. So if you're having one of those days where you just want it to be tomorrow already, it's just not going well, and then you just stop and pause and thank God. And, you know, it's because that's God's will for our lives that we would rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. And we started this when our kids were little, but my daughter, Brinley, when she was five, she had this day where everything was going wrong. She was just like, the day's ruined. Everything's off.

and making these sound effects. And she's a big feeler. And so I put the other kids to bed. She said, don't even tuck me in. I'm too mad. And I kind of wanted to say, okay, good night. But something told me, okay, go climb up with her in her top bunk. And so I did. And I said, do you want to stay up later than everybody else and play the grateful game? And she said, fine. And she kind of turned her back away. I'm grateful I got to stay up later. Yeah.

But we go back and forth thanking God for little things, you know, in her room. And she kind of turned to me and took this deep breath. And she said, Mom, for some reason, this game really does make my heart feel happy. Oh, that's great. So it's fun to practice it now because I know they will go through big storms in their lives. We all do. And to practice it for the simple things, you know, later on when you're in a storm, it's easier to praise him and have that heart shift.

Yeah. And the book has so many of these great ideas. Steph, I think one was the paper prayer chain. Yeah. I got to say that slow. Paper prayer chain. What's that? Paper prayer chain. So we started another, again, a busy season. My husband was gone a lot. We started with a countdown for when he was going to be home. And so we made one of those, you know, paper chain links where you...

Staple the papers together in colorful paper. Or glue them. Yeah, or glue them or tape, whatever. You connect them. And we made a chain for as many days as he was gone. And then we wrote a prayer for like every day that he was gone. So we would pray a certain thing over one day and then we would take it off and then we would count down until he was back. And we've done...

many different variations of this. Some of my kids will just make a chain and write who they want to pray for and they'll put it and they'll hang it by their bed. And it's just a really visual reminder to be praying for people. I think

We so often are guilty of being like, I'll pray for you. You know, you talk to someone, I'll pray for you. Well, you said that's a difficulty for you. Yes, I am not. I think it is for everybody. Yeah, I am not good at keeping a prayer list and remembering. I'm just not. Like, again, there are the people who are, and that's just not my gifting. But I was like, if I could give my kids this option now, you know, like teach them this now, then maybe they'll grow up to be...

better at it and to have it part of their natural rhythm or to keep a prayer journal just to process writing their prayers down. And so a paper prayer chain is fun because it's colorful. We've done it with paper snowflakes at Christmas time. We'll make snowflakes and then write little prayer requests on the snowflakes and we hang them from our ceiling. It's going to make it fun. What's so powerful about it, it's not the object. It's the idea of helping your kids understand prayer. I mean, that's what it's all about. It's just very, for those visual learners too, because our kids all learn in different ways.

ways, right? And so I think a struggle with prayer is we expect our kids to be able to sit down at dinner or bed and just say a prayer. But we should make it fun because kids are fun and they learn different. That's so true. In parenting, you've got to adjust to that. Jean and I, it's like, we're not getting our two boys to sit quietly for 30 minutes of devotional time, 10 minutes of song, 15 minutes of reading, and five minutes of prayer. It's not Sunday school. Right.

We heard some creative ideas there, Danny. And what about the parent who's like, well, the ship has left the harbor. I really didn't teach my kids to pray or be grateful. It kind of feels like there's no hope for me on this. It's done. Offer some encouragement. Yeah, and I love what Jim said, John. He said to adjust to how our kids learn. So important because...

So as you're thinking about this, if you haven't taught it, you do need to consider how is it that my child learns? Is it by observing? Is it by doing? One thing that is common, though, is that it requires a relational connection.

when you're teaching and passing something on to them. And so part of us as parents is adjusting and learning what it is that our child is needing in the moment and knowing that there are always new learnings that we are

we are having. And right now, maybe you're having that learning that, man, I should have done this, or I should have done the grateful game, or should have done all these things as my kids were growing up. Well, today's a brand new day. You're getting to unwrap and you've just listened to this show. And now you get to show to your kids that there's a grateful heart that you're bringing to the home and

and talk about what are the benefits of gratitude. Read about that, bring it to your kids and say, hey, this is a gift to all of us. If we get this grateful heart, we're actually creating a beneficial component to our brains, our bodies, our home. Why would we not do that? And especially with teens, bring some of those facts and have a discussion around that. Hey, we don't seem to be the most grateful people on this planet anymore.

What if we were more grateful? What would that change in our home and would we love it? And how about we try it? Let's experiment for the next week. Yeah, I like what you're doing because you're suggesting that we involve our kids and get their buy-in. Yes. And that's so critical because just saying we're going to be more grateful doesn't cultivate gratitude, but...

getting them to step into the process. That's a great approach. Or even with prayer, we could say, man, we need to pray more. We haven't prayed and there's this guilt component to it. Or we could say, what if we had more conversation with our Heavenly Father? I mean, if we really believe He's real, He's here with us, He's walking every step with us and cares about us and for us, why would we not talk to Him throughout the day and

What are some ways we can start? How have you guys seen other people praying? What does prayer even look like? And let your kids start with an imperfect flow of prayer. They've most likely seen other people pray eloquent prayers, and that can be so intimidating. I've heard kids say, I don't pray well. I go, what does that even mean? All you're doing is talking out loud to Heavenly Father and

And there are things that you can tell him that you're anxious about, worried about. You can talk to him about things you're thankful for. But it's about sharing this in a relational component to the creator of the universe and

And in that, you're watching him listen to you so you can talk to him all day long. Model that and just know both of these things will have plenty of imperfections with it, but the fact that you're being intentional with it will begin to transform your home. Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that.

And for follow-up, sign up for our free Age and Stage e-newsletter. You sign up for each of your children's ages right now, and we will accompany you on the journey that remains ahead of you. And it's an incredible resource, Sean. It has...

Again, it's free. You get a weekly newsletter that gives you content specific to most likely what you're going through and the stages you're in in your parenting. And then you get annual content to help you focus on 10 pages of content for that age, for that year, on what to expect, what to build, and then how to grow. And the idea of this resource is, first of all, provide it free for you so there's no barrier there. Also to send it to you so you don't have to go looking for it.

And all you have to do is give your email, your information, a little bit of information about each of your kids. Don't be afraid of that one. That's just to make sure we customize it specific to where you're in. And from there, you go on a journey of content where we are pouring our hearts into this, wanting to serve you as parents so that you lead your kids towards a thriving faith in Christ. And that's our Age in Stage e-newsletter.

And for follow-up on some of the ideas that Stephanie and Sarah shared, we have copies of their book, Raising Prayerful Kids, Fun and Easy Activities for Building Lifelong Habits of Prayer, which will include more details about the gratitude game and other great ways to approach prayer with your children.

Make a donation to support the ministry today, either a monthly pledge of any amount or a one-time gift. And we'll say thanks for joining the support team and for helping us help families around the world by sending the book to you. Again, that's Raising Prayerful Kids, and you'll find details about it and how to donate and how to sign up for our Age and Stage e-newsletter in the show notes.

More with Stephanie and Sarah next time. And for now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller, and thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.

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