Ways Your Child Learns Well
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For decades, our programs and resources have helped Jane's family, and she recommends Focus to everyone she knows. Focus on the Family would be at the top of the list. I mean, when I go on the website, I'm blown away by all the different ministries that you have that minister to families on every level and individuals. Today, Jane wants to encourage more families through Focus on the Family.

By us giving our money to you, we're hitting all these different important ministries, you know, pro-life, parenting, marriage issues, individual issues, just so many different things. All are a part of where our tithe goes. I just feel like we're just start getting a big bang for our buck. I'm Jim Daly. By working together, we can be a lifeline to anyone who needs our help.

Join our friends at Focus on the Family at focusonthefamily.com slash families. So I was asked if I was a good student or not in school, and the answer is, it depends on the season. So like in... What kind of answer is that, John? Well, in elementary school, I was not a very good student. In high school, I was okay. In college, I kind of had to own a little bit more, and I was good in those subjects that I was gifted at. And

I persevered in things like math. You mentioned math earlier, Danny. Math, not so much. Every child is uniquely designed. We all have our skill sets and our areas where we do well or not.

And it's never too late to continue growing. It's never too late to learn, to lean in, and to grow. That's our encouragement today. I'm John Fuller, joined by Dr. Danny Huerta, who heads up our parenting team. Okay, so I was not so good for a while. I was okay, and then I was fine as a student. How about you? Yeah, I love that you wrote that down.

To be fair, you've got your doctorate, so you did a lot more school than me. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my. John, you just pointed that out, right? Well, yeah. You invested years and years. I did. I did. My mom and dad both valued education a lot. And my mom specifically, she was a principal of our school in Mexico. Oh. I don't think I knew this. And then she was a teacher at the school I was at from the time I was in third grade.

until well into my married life. You couldn't get away with much while you were a student. No, at school, she would, both schools, in Mexico and in the United States, she would follow up on some things. Hey, I heard you didn't turn this one thing in, or I heard you were late today, or hey, in Mexico, I actually got in trouble at school and at home for something I did there, showed up super late to class. So all that to say,

was very valuable in our home, but I was pretty mediocre in my academic side of things. I wanted to be social, John, just wanted to hang out with people. The girl thing became a big deal for me on the Latino side. I grew up in a generation where there wasn't much intentional conversation around that. I love my parents. We didn't have much conversation on that. Again,

Got into that too much. And then also into sports. Loved, loved sports. Played three sports in high school. And so practice all the time. And so I didn't have much time for all the academic thing. And then in college, first year of college, started off really rough. Wanted to do all the social things. Wasn't doing well. My mom and dad both said, hey, you're coming home for this next semester to kind of regroup. Right.

When I got home is when I met Heather. And she said, hey, if you want to hang out, we're going to have to do homework together all the time. That's when it all turned around. I thank her all the time. Hey, you changed the trajectory. We did homework.

a lot. And that's when my GPA in college went from very low in the low twos to the fours, to the three upper threes. You know, I was all in. You can say it fours. That's okay. Because I was hanging out with Heather all the time and I wanted to be with her. So we were doing homework. And from then on, I took it seriously and I loved it. It opened up a whole new world.

And I didn't have all those other distractions. And so thankful, thankful for education. Also the patience of many of the teachers that were there, a part of this. And also my mom's diligence in wanting to teach us and my dad's support. Well, there's so much to learning well. And we're going to turn now to the continuation of a conversation from Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Jim spoke with Cynthia Tobias recently.

She is so easy to listen to. She's got such great insights. And here she is talking about ways that she personally learns well. And then, of course, you have environment that can impact that as well. Speak to how environment can impact our learning style. I tell people now that, I said, if my parents could have afforded it, knowing what I know about myself now, I would have been the happiest if they would have gone to a restaurant supply, bought a used restaurant booth, bought it in the house. Yeah.

And I would have done my homework there. I could eat. Oh, that's clever. I could drink. I could sit in that comfortable booth and slide in and out. I could have friends visit me. And I would have gotten all my work done. Now, that's not my analytic husband or my analytic son that would want it that way. But once you can figure out, all right, so like one of the questions we ask in the workbook, if you're going to do this, you're going to do this.

If you could go to school between 6 a.m. and noon or you could choose to go between noon and 6 p.m., what would you choose? Well, it comes out almost 50-50. The kids themselves saying, oh, I'd love it if I could just get it over with by noon. And others are going, oh, no way. No way. If I could not get up at 6 and I didn't have to start till noon, I'd happily go till 6.

So part of that is finding out when are you at your best? Because again, it goes back to your brain absorbing and having the distractions that keep you from learning. And it's the simplest thing sometimes. Yeah, it's really good. You mentioned the workbook. That's part of this effort that you've put together in addition to an assessment that parents can help their younger kids or the older kids can do to kind of get their learning style and understand themselves a bit better. Parents and teachers, because.

I beta tested it with my niece, who's a great Christian school teacher there in the Seattle-Tacoma area, and she did it with her middle schoolers. And they talked to me, and we went back and forth on what they had a question about or how they could make it better. And these are 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. And when they finished, she said they just really had a better handle on how they learned, and they talk about it. And if they come into saying, Mrs. Soaring, I'm sorry, I'm too global-minded.

It went way past me. And they now know a reason, and they have a language that they can talk with each other. And the workbook, it takes it. You can do it from preschool all the way through adulthood, depending on how you want to fill the workbook out. But for once, we can give it to teachers, especially if Christian schools are willing to do it, and you can do it with your whole classroom. Parents can figure out

For the younger kids, they can ask them questions and fill it out. For the older kids, a lot of discussion happens. And then we have found that the best way to do this is to give kids, if you want them to succeed, give them, make them part of the whole process of

of getting the solution for success, their own success. When they're in charge of their own success, they can say, wait, wait, that's not going to work for me. Now, if your child starts saying that, that's not going to work for me, that's a sign of success because you can say, what do you think you need? Well, that and buy-in, which is great for the kids that they're buying into learning how they learn. And

And that's a great accomplishment for them. And I would think that's the outcome of doing the workbook and doing the assessment with your children. We have this formula for success, which is just three steps. Know your strengths. Know what you need in order to figure out what you need in order to succeed. And then be ready to prove it works because it's all about accountability. You don't let any accountability go in this.

You say, okay, it doesn't work for you. Okay, well, here's the bottom line. This is what we need to do. If you have another way to get there, let's try it. But you have to get there. So we're not saying anything's okay. We're saying, be ready to prove it works, but I'm going to give you some chance to find out.

Well, I really appreciated how Cynthia noted that teaching our kids to be successful, there's no formula for this. We have to really kind of lean into their strengths and call those out. We've talked about that these past few episodes with Cynthia and then prior episodes.

It's important for us to be affirming when we see our kids doing well in an area. I think Dr. Kevin Lehman calls it vitamin E, encouragement. We need to give our kids so much encouragement. The culture isn't, it's not helpful in this regard. It just seems to really point out the shortcomings and the inadequacies of our kids. Kids can be so cruel. And

And middle school, middle school years, a lot of insecurities come out then, body image and all kinds of other things socially. And it spills out in these...

main statements in the middle of class. Like somebody asks a question, they're confused, and they go, oh man, you're so stupid, you're dumb. You know, all these different comments come out and it begins to really create an insecurity academically. And I've heard so many kids in junior high, middle school years say, I'm just not smart enough, or I don't want to speak up because I'll be made fun of. And it didn't really happen before that.

And that sets the tone for the high school years and into college. There's a critical time period for us to be really active as parents where we are knowing what they're hearing and counteracting that. Listening carefully and actually being aware of the fact that they are going to get some comments.

And some kids are much more confident than others in their skill set academically especially. And if they struggle in any way academically, it's going to show up around those middle school years in a big way and then into high school. And they'll try to either hide it or there'll be kids in the class making fun of

And actually, in a recent report, parents said, two-thirds of parents said they know their kids are struggling significantly on their body development and body image. So you enter that piece as they're walking into the building. They're already, two-thirds of kids are already entering with some insecurities. Yeah.

And then if they show any type of weakness academically, ask a question that's off or aren't learning, then all of a sudden they're in a bad place. And whether they like themselves or not, then the self-doubts continue to grow from there. So be in constant conversation with your kids.

Ask questions and listen. Validate the fact that it's hard when other kids are saying these things. You can't just fix it in that moment. Just be present and be available. Yeah. And I would add, if your child is acting out, that's kind of the behaviors kind of reflect what might be going on internally. We had a season or two for a couple of the kids where particularly in middle school and then early high school, there were some behaviors that were kind of red flags that

They were symptoms of something else going on and struggles that were going on in the classrooms. And kind of a ride along with one of those kids revealed, ah, I see what's going on. Yes. And it was really eye-opening. So be aware and be prayerful about helping your child through those things. And yeah, and John, as we were talking about this, also pointing out when they are showing a strength in something,

Call it out and say, man, I saw, I think you have a strength here. Let's continue to explore it and get excited about those moments of success for your kids as they're learning their strengths academically. Because each of our kids have them. Yeah. Your role as a coach cannot be overstated. And I love that aspect of listening to Cynthia Tobias. She really is a coach for all of us as parents. And she really has so many great thoughts in her life.

a really thorough book, Reclaiming Education, Teach Your Child to Be a Confident Learner. That's our highlighted resource today. We're going to offer that to you for a donation of any amount. Contribute to the work here at Focus. Help us help parents around the world through shows like this and through so many different resources. When you make a monthly pledge or a one-time gift of any amount, we'll send the book to you. It'll help you help your kids learn more effectively.

And details about getting that book by Cynthia Tobias, Reclaiming Education, are in the show notes. And we have a link to the learning styles profiles that Cynthia Tobias has developed. We've mentioned it, I think, a time or two here. We're going to link over to it. It's going to give you insights into each particular learning style. And the link for that is in the show notes.

Next time, you'll hear from Carrie Kempakis about why having no rules in the home is a pretty bad idea. For now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller, and thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.

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