Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Well, sometimes my love for my child isn't quite adequate, and I have to kind of release them to experience God's bigger love, His perfect love. I'm John Fuller, joined by the head of our parenting team, Dr. Danny Huerta. Danny, sometimes my love isn't enough for my child. And we all feel that at some point in time. What do we do when we hit that realization? Well, and it's especially true for single moms. They're trying to
To fulfill that role of a dad and a mom and usually in the midst of a lot of busyness and trying to show that love. But love in itself is just a complex topic, John. It's a big thing. And we could get into complexities. But one thing with teens and just kids in general, developmentally,
They're not only desiring love from their parents, they're desiring love from their peers. They want to know, do other people actually love me or is it just my family? Because they kind of have to. Yes. I've heard that before. You have to say that. Right. And the people that have options, do they love me? And what is it that they love about me?
And then the other one is learning to accept that love from God and what that looks like from a God that you can't talk with audibly.
And as you pray and as you listen, as you read His Word, you learn about His love and His sacrifice and understanding that it's quite a process that a child goes through from zero to 18, learning in their mind mentally, in their emotions, and in their spirit what it means to be loved by God, what it means to be loved by a family, and what it means to be loved by their friends.
And yeah, love from parents most of the time is not enough, but it is essential. Yeah. Yeah. And it leads to understanding God's love. And so let's go ahead and unpack this topic a little bit further with a conversation from Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Jim spoke with Pam Farrell and Peggy Sue Wells about how single parents in particular can help their child find peace in God's love. Peggy.
Peggy, see, what wise advice did your mentor give you about the impossibility of loving your children as much as they need? And what strikes me with that is a woman's quick ability to have conviction that she's not meeting somebody's need, that combination. So what did that mentor say to you?
She said, there's no way that I can love my children enough to be enough. None of us can. Humans cannot. And so she said, the quickest thing that we could do is just make sure that they're anchored in their faith. They know where to go to find what they need. And...
Getting them to church was helpful, too. We had talked about that, of surrounding them with other people that are strong in their faith. And 50% of our children are expected to live in a single-parent home before age 18. So the mission field that's out there in your neighborhood, one in four homes, but 50% of all the kids, it's like...
You don't have to, you know, go far. They're right there and they're hungry and they want to know, you know, come in and let me tell you about Jesus. Let me show you that there is a seat here for you and there's a, the door is open and there's a place. And let me tell you about Jesus.
And, you know, that can be in all of our homes. We can say, you know, there's space at the table for that child of a single parent mom who has to work. Hey, come to my house after school. I have lots of sons that don't have the last name Farrell because the football team came to my house because there's a lot of single moms who had to work. But I had the privilege and honor of driving their boys around.
I'm thinking it might have been lots of food. It was a lot of food. I will give you that. But two of my boys ended up being coaches. And part of the reason why is they know the statistic that more than 50% of kids don't have a father in their home. This next question fits right in here. And that is so often when you're talking or even counseling with, especially a teenager or 20-something about being fatherless, how do you...
our Heavenly Father in the right way so that they're not equating their experience with an earthly father, with an unloving, rule-enforcing God who just carries a
stick to beat me with if I'm not behaving properly. So how do we rewrite that in their hearts to say your earthly father is not your heavenly father? Right. I'll share real quick on mine. God said, I want you to go to the Word and I want you to make a notebook and every time you learn something about God the Father around you to write it down.
And wow, by the time I got through that year and the end of, you know, from Genesis to Revelation, I found out there is a Heavenly Father, an Abba Father who loves me, who's faithful, who's dependable. And, you know, that gave me the ability then to rebuild my relationship with my earthly father.
Because my vertical relationship with God was healthy. It expanded to my horizontal relationships. Yeah, and what's important there is you had to have some structure to do it. Yes. And I don't know that we as adults intentionally know that for our kids, that this has been dismantled. A healthy, loving father on this earth is gone for them. Yeah. So how do we recognize that as the adults in their lives and then help them rebuild the scaffolding
to get them into a better place, into a relationship with a Heavenly Father who loves them unconditionally. Exactly. Peggy Sue talked about, you know, she had memory verses. The memory verses can be about God the Father. Or for this single mom, she doesn't feel loved. And so I had her start in the Psalms. And you do just like take, this is your love notebook from God and write down every verse that makes you feel loved by God.
I so appreciated what Peggy, Sue, and Pam were talking about there. I think whether or not you're a single mom or dad, this is really good stuff. Go to the Heavenly Father. See Him as our lead, our guide. Danny, when kids grab on to God's character and His love, it seems like
They're getting equipped to do life better because they have a foundation that is rock solid. Yes, yes. And you know what's fascinating about the mother-child, father-child relationship is that we give a glimpse, a little glimpse of God's love for them. They get an initial taste.
face to face, in person, but it's imperfect. And then from there, they can build off of that in an understanding of God's love. As a father, I got to understand a whole different side of God's love in a huge way when I became a dad, but I understood part of it being a son. And so again, in each of our roles, we learn more about God's love. In a spousal relationship with my wife, I've learned a piece of God's love in there.
When I've seen my daughter understand God's love, man, it's been so exciting to just rest in it and just observe it. I've seen her journaling. I've heard her talk about, hey, I know God loves me, and I'm kind of wondering why he's not answering this one prayer that I keep praying. Why won't he heal this or why won't he do that? And I see her wrestling with that, but in a way that's loving, not disrespectful, but
and she's going why would he not do that and out of curiosity when is he going to do it and
And maybe I need to understand something differently. And then she's had moments where she's gone, well, am I believing the right thing? So there's this big wrestling match that takes place inside our soul when we're trying to understand God's love and his response, when we're praying, when we're reading his word, and we have places that we don't understand. Sometimes it creates this battle inside of us trying to understand God's character. And as we see our kids going towards that,
Let's go into curiosity with them and not just go to all the answers and go, hey, so tell me more about when God doesn't answer a prayer that you've prayed for diligently and you feel it's a pure heart and he doesn't do that, what does that make you feel inside your mind and your heart and in that relationship? And listen in and enjoy those moments as they're trying to understand the depth of God's character and the depth of his love.
And then have moments of praying God's blessings over your kids. There are a lot of portions of Scripture with blessings. Ephesians 3 has one. Numbers 6 has another one. As you read those words of blessing for your kids, read them out loud sometimes and see how your kids respond to that and say, hey, as you hear those words, what does that make you feel inside? Mm-hmm.
Well, we have so many resources to help you in your spiritual development and to help you help your child in his or her spiritual development. Stop by the parenting website that we have for you. We'll link over to a couple of specific things in the show notes. Let me point out that the book by Peggy Sue and Pam has some great and valuable insights. The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make.
That's available for a donation of any amount to the ministry today. It's going to encourage you as a single mom. And if you're able to donate today, we'll send that book to you. If you're in a spot where, boy, I can't donate, but I sure want the book, reach out to us and we can probably arrange that for you. We're a Christian ministry. We want to be a part of solutions for you and your struggles and your challenges in your walk, especially as a single mom. Just let us know and we can send that book to you.
More hope and inspiration for single moms next time. On behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and the entire team, I'm John Fuller, and thanks for joining us for the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast. Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a Hope Restored Marriage Intensive.
Our biblically-based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.