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Accept Your Spouse’s Limitations

2025/6/26
logo of podcast Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast

Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast
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Dr. Laura: 我经常对来电者说，很多女性抱怨丈夫的坏习惯、缺乏敏感和雄心，但这些问题在婚前就存在。我总是问她们，这些负面行为是什么时候开始的？有没有人提醒过你这些危险信号？通常，这些行为在婚前就存在，而且有人指出了潜在的问题。然而，女性往往会继续前进，认为她们可以管理甚至改变她们不喜欢丈夫的地方。所以，在婚姻中，最重要的是接受对方的局限性，并努力在婚姻中找到幸福。 Dr. Laura: 婚姻不是要改变对方，而是要接受对方的本来面目。你选择和这个人结婚，就应该接受他的缺点和不足。试图改变对方只会导致冲突和不满。相反，你应该专注于改变自己，让自己变得更好，这样才能改善你们的关系。记住，抱怨和唠叨不会让婚姻变得更好。要改善关系，最重要的是改变自己，尤其是有孩子的情况下。你不能因为自己没有做出明智的选择而毁掉孩子们的生活。 Dr. Laura: 我认为，在结婚前，花足够的时间去了解一个人，观察那些重要的事情。不要只关注是否得到了关注和感觉到了心动。婚前咨询可以帮助你讨论婚姻中实际的问题。如果你已经身处一段有问题的婚姻中，不要犹豫，寻求帮助。记住，抱怨、离开或试图改变配偶不是唯一的解决方案，有时需要改变的是自己。主动建立连接，不要责备对方没有给你想要的东西。不要因为对方的局限性而攻击他，他的行为并非出于选择，而是神经系统问题。即使对方不善于表达，也不要怀疑他对你的爱。他在其他方面为你做了很多，不要只看到他的不足。

Deep Dive

Chapters
Dr. Laura addresses the common issue of women staying in unhappy marriages due to their husbands' negative behaviors. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags before marriage and the limitations of changing a spouse's behavior after the fact. She encourages self-reflection and personal change as a path to improvement.
  • Many women marry despite recognizing negative behaviors in their partners.
  • It's crucial to acknowledge that not everything in a marriage can be fixed.
  • Personal change is more effective than trying to change one's spouse.

Shownotes Transcript

One of my favorite t-shirts in the Merch Store at DrLaura.com) reads, “You Picked Him. Stop Picking on Him!” It’s something I say to callers a lot. Mostly to women who tell me that they can just no longer live with their husband’s bad habits, insensitivities, lack of ambition and such. I always ask, “When did you first notice these negative behaviors?” Followed by, “Did your mother, sister, best friend – anyone point these red flags out to you?” More likely than not, the behaviors existed before the marriage and the children. More likely than not, someone pointed out the potential for a problem. 

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