Do The Right Thing
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Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast. For decades, I've ended each hour of the Dr. Laura program with a simple directive.

After taking many a call from people who have made poor choices and messes of their lives, I close the hour by saying now, go do the right thing. What I hope is that those who hear the chaos involved in some of these calls absorb the message that it's better to do the right thing from the beginning. My goal is to get more people to make more good choices today so they can avoid living with regrets tomorrow. And by the way,

Right things are not determined by feelings. They're determined by morals, values, principles, ethics, yeah, and the law.

There are opportunities, though, every day to do the right thing. Instead, many people choose to do what's easy, convenient, beneficial to just them, like turning a blind eye to a schoolyard bully, parking in a handicapped parking space, leaving a grocery buggy in the parking lot instead of walking it back to the cart return. Whoa.

You should move through life with courage and character, even when doing that is not easy. And you should speak up, by the way, when you see immoral, unethical, unkind, or illegal things happening. Unfortunately, far too many people are willing to compromise their ethics and values to avoid rocking the boat at work or upsetting the apple cart in their friendships and families. Frankly, I see that as a huge problem and one of the downfalls of society.

As I said to Jacqueline when she called to tell me about the pressure her parents were putting on her to turn a blind eye to the immorality happening within their family. Mom and dad and Jacqueline. Got the whole family here. Hi, Jacqueline. Hi, Dr. Laura. It's an honor to talk to you. Thank you, Jacqueline. How old are you? I'm 32 years old. You're an old kid. Yeah. What can I do for you?

So, I have a younger sister. She's 27 and she is shacked up with her boyfriend who is 40. He was married when she met him and has a son with this girl. My sister and this girl work together.

The baby sat for them and he started complaining about, I guess his wife was horrible. So my sister listened to him and she ended up just getting together with him. He eventually got divorced from her and my sister's been with him for the last three, four years now.

No plans, as far as I know, to get married. They have an 11-month-old daughter, and this guy has caused a lot of strife in our family. None of us liked him in the beginning. I still don't like him, but my family, for the most part, has accepted him. But I just can't bring myself to do it. My sister and I used to be very close, and it's been really hard for me.

You know, I kind of lost touch with her and, but I just, I can't bring myself to accept this guy into my life. I'm cordial with him when he comes around, he comes to family functions, but I just, I can't, I can't accept him. And my parents are afraid that I'm going to lose my sister if I don't accept him.

Thank you. I think you did a very good job of explaining how parents like yours unravel society. Yeah, parents like yours unravel it. We want peace at all costs. Right. The cost is values, morals, principles, ethics. We want peace above that. In which case, the Nazis would have made their way through all of England.

listening to Chamberlain saying peace at all costs. Instead, Churchill said, hell no, we're standing for our values. And that helped turn the war around. So parents like yours undermine the fabric of the importance of values in our society. So I'm proud of you that even though they're too weak, that you stand your ground. I'm proud of you.

Thank you. You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Why is it in families, you already know, peace. Why is it in families and guilt? Why is it in families that the good kid always has to give up their values for peace?

The bad kid never has to give up being bad. The good kid has to give up the values for the peace. The bad kid doesn't have to give up anything. And they tell the good kid, but you don't want to lose your sister. But they don't tell the bad kid, but we don't want to lose your sister. Difference between Chamberlain and Churchill. Too many people don't have the courage to stand up for anything. I accept that there are people who are strong and people who are not. People who will risk.

People who won't. People who will put their heads above the crowd and people who will slink down. I accept that there's a whole range of people, but thank goodness for the ones who are like Jacqueline, who just can't look the other way. Thank goodness for the ones who have the strength of character, like my caller Tracy, who told me about reporting her abusive son to the police. Tracy, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. What can I do for you?

I guess my question is to ask you to help me deal with the guilt of betraying. Okay, before we go in, when people are using guilt, did you do something immoral, illegal, unethical, or something I have said you should never do? No. Then guilt is not the correct word. So let's find the correct word. I am feeling bad.

Is that better? I'm feeling sad. Okay, sad is very different from guilt. Sad means you had to do something important. A lot of people didn't like it and they're mad at you and the whole thing makes you feel sad.

That has nothing to do because somebody doesn't like what you did. It doesn't mean it was wrong and bad and immoral, illegal, unethical, or something I would slap your back of your head over. So what did you do? I had to call the police on my son, who was 16 years old, because he was abusing his 16-year-old girlfriend in my home, and there was a newborn baby present.

Yes, obviously you did the right thing. But families often don't like anybody to know there's sickness or evil in the family. They feel ashamed and embarrassed and they don't want anybody to know. So they'll get mad at the person who pulls the plug. But clearly you did the right thing. I understand I did the right thing and I understand that there's now consequences for that.

Because this type of situation is now, I had to do it with my sister who's 15 years younger than me as well. And I can't see her daughter or her son who were very attached to me. And it also makes me very sad.

Yep, but you still did the right thing. And I'm sorry you have to pay a price, but typically all over the world for all of human history, people who have done the right thing have paid an ugly price. So what should I do? Just deal with it, right? I don't know what you mean. What should you do? Well, endure, I guess, right? I have to endure the consequence. Right. Yes. Yeah. Okay. And congratulations for having the guts to do the right thing.

Not many people do, interestingly enough. So you are to be admired. I have to take a break now. They're forcing me to do that. It is the right thing to do. So imagine something you have been avoiding, but you know it's the right thing. So think about it. And maybe you'll do it today. And then I'll be proud of you. I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.

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And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at Walmart.com slash black and unlimited.

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Visit State Farm dot com to find out how we can help prepare for your future. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Dr. Laura's Lunch Deeper Deep Dive Podcast. When you get to a fork in the road and you're not sure what the right thing is, ask yourself what most demonstrates courage and character.

Something very special separates humans from all other animals in the animal kingdom. That something is our morality. To be fully human and get the best out of life, we need to apply character, courage, and conscience to our decision-making, especially when doing the right thing involves protecting others from harm.

Standing up for what's right and wrong is what we need to be teaching our children. As I explained to Tanya when she called me unsure about whether to take her daughter's molestation by a church member public or keep it quiet within the church. Tanya, welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Lara. Hi. I'll get right into my question. About four days ago, my 14-year-old daughter came to me and told me that she was molested at church when she was about 9 or 10 years old by a boy. At the time, he was 14 years old. I've been knowing the boy all of his life, and I know his entire family. I'm sorry. Tell me how old she is now. She's 14 now. Okay. Go ahead.

And at the time she was 9 or 10. And a friend persuaded her to talk to me about it, to let me know. And so I called the police, and I was talking to my 11-year-old daughter about what's going to happen with her older sister. And when I was telling her what happened to her sister at the church, she said, "The same thing happened to me."

The same boy, and it was more fondling. It was, you know, no intercourse or penetration. It was basically with the clothes on, and my 14-year-old said that he...

You know, just put her on a table and, you know, just molested her that way. And so my question is, my pastor and my mom actually all want me to just sit down and talk with the pastor and the mother and the son instead of having my children because they're wrong. They're wrong.

Your daughters will grow up to be wimps. First of all, your older daughter makes me very angry because her not speaking up made her sister a target. And having responsibility to others is a main thing you always want to teach your children. Having them stand up for what's right and wrong, causing a fuss, getting some justice, if at all possible, is going to help make them strong. Basically, the pastor doesn't want any bad PR for the church.

And your mother doesn't want the embarrassment. The only person thinking about your children is you and now me. Wow. So tell them to stuff it and I would find a different pastor. Really? Are you kidding? Yeah. How many years and how many hundreds, maybe thousands, thousands of children have been molested in the Catholic Church with everybody saying, let's just talk about it.

Oh, you know, I never thought about that. Oh, my God. That's so true. And there are other kids around the same age as my daughters were. Oh, and I'm sure most of them have been molested by the same boy. So what you have to do is start asking around and get more people involved. Okay. All right. That's what I'll do. Yes. Go to war and tell your pastor you're very disappointed in him. Wow. Very disappointed in him.

Oh, how about Penn State? Let's not forget Penn State. I mean, come on, we have to have the alumni give us money. If there's a scandal, that'll be bad for football. So how many kids were molested?

You're going to stand by and be quiet because your mother's gutless and your pastor is protecting the reputation of the church? I think not. Not on my watch. I am not. Oh, thank you so much. They will be there on Tuesday at the police station. Fill them out the report. And ask them if they know of any other kids.

I will. There was another little girl. She and my daughter were so close. And something has happened to her. I don't know what it was. Let's amass the children and take care of this. Wow. Okay. All right. You take good care. And this happened at the church? You have to decide what kind of person you are.

Do you just claim to have morals and ethics, or do you actually live by them? And if you have children, do they see you standing up for what's right so they can learn from your example? That is so important and why I advise Sarah to be the only parent out of a class of 23 kids willing to stand up for her child's teacher who was trying to teach them about responsibility and respect.

Sarah, welcome to the program. Yes. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call. Thank you. My question is if I should go to a meeting with the principal teacher and 20 angry parents this Friday to support the teacher. And why are there 20 angry parents? What are they angry about?

So teachers sent a letter home yesterday to all the parents saying that only three kids out of 23 finished their homework yesterday. And the letter also said that we all should be speaking to our kids about being more responsible and more respectful. So why are parents angry about that? That sounds like something they'd be enthusiastic about.

What are they angry about? So she kept all the kids in the recess yesterday. All the 20 kids that didn't finish their homework. So they would do their work. Okay. Why are the parents angry? Hello? Why are the parents angry? The parents are saying that how come there are 20 kids out of 23, so it must be her. She didn't either explain what the homework was, and they're also angry that they were kept and not allowed to go to recess.

It's one of the problems. The United States of America rates very low in the so-called industrialized world. We've got backwards countries that do better scores because we have parents like you're describing. That's why I like private school. Anyway, so your question for me is?

So I called the principal and I said today because I was getting all these angry group texts from the parents. And I called the principal and said I'm actually very thankful and happy that she did this and just want to support the teacher. So now the principal asked me if I would go to a meeting because they all set up this meeting on Friday and they're all going to be angry at the teacher saying all these things. And the principal wants me to go in and support the teacher.

And I'm really scared and worried now. Scared of what? Somebody's going to firebomb your house? What are you scared of? Well, it's a very small town. In one sentence, I am scared that... They're all going to be attacking me. I don't want to stand up for values or the well-being of children because I don't want anybody mad at me. If I thought like you, woman, I wouldn't be on the air. Do you know how many people hate me because I talk about responsibility?

and moral obligation? Does that bother me? It used to when I was younger and not as mature as I am now. So now it doesn't bother me at all because I have the balls to stand up for what I believe is right and in the best interest of children. And I don't give a flying poop if somebody is going to be mad at me. I don't care because my assumption is the reason they're mad at me is they know they're wrong because they wouldn't be so worked up if they believed they were right.

It's defensiveness that makes people angry. So you're going to have a room full of irresponsible, uninvolved with their kids parents who just want their kids to go to recess and they don't care if they're going to be dumb when they graduate 12th grade. They just don't want anybody to tell them they're bad parents, which they are. So you will either have the balls to stand up for what's right or you will be yet another problem in this world, another gutless problem in this world. Yes, people are going to be mad at you.

Is that more or less important than trying to help children? Right. That's your decision to make, and I'm going to leave you with that thought. But if I thought like you, I'd have to shut down the show 42 years ago, 44, a long time. You know how I first learned the reason people get mad at you is because they feel guilt and shame? I've just started on air, and I was once a week on somebody else's show, and I was 28. That's not a lot of experience, okay?

And I'm on the air, and I'm answering some questions, and this woman calls and says, how old are you? And I said, 28. My brain didn't think fast enough to figure out why she was asking. And then she just tore into me. How dare I be in a public venue talking about anything? I don't know anything. I'm just a young, stupid, blah, blah, blah, blah. She just went on. So, of course, I'm sitting there, big eyes, trying not to let the fact that I'm crying go out on the microphone because I'm freaked out completely.

First time that ever happened. And I was freaked out completely. I was so upset. And the host has been doing this for a hundred thousand years and handled it. And then I felt terrible. And no, I don't know everything, you know? Yeah, I am only 28, but you know, doing my best for who I am and what I know. Nine months. It's like giving birth again. Nine months to the day almost. This woman calls back and says, I'm the lady who called. She goes, she said, I'm the

Woman, I'm the woman who called nine months ago who reamed you. So immediately I shoot my head about eight inches back from the microphone looking for the door thinking, I don't need to go through this again. I really don't want to go again. Please don't make me go through this again. And she goes and I call to apologize. I realize what a classy woman. I realize that I was jealous, angry about some of the things you were saying because I wasn't doing them.

I was defensive and I took it out on you. It was my lesson. To this day, I'm glad it all happened because I sat there and that was my revelation day. Simply because somebody is angry with me doesn't mean I've done anything wrong. Everybody comes from their own quote place and all those places are not necessarily nice or healthy. And that's why I tell you when you start taking a poll of your friends and relatives about an issue,

You're not getting objective feedback. You're getting everything in their own mind. Somebody had a lousy marriage because they were a lousy wife, and they're going to badmouth men, very likely. So, you know, you can't go to them for help because they're not going to take an objective viewpoint. So all of you who are going to behave gutlessly this week because you don't want somebody mad at you, shame on you. Who are you if you stand for nothing? And I mean literally stand.

I have to take a break and I want you to remember that phrase, no guts, no glory. You don't stand up for people and protect others. No glory in your life. I'll be right back after this break. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Deeper.

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It's time to get the world talking about black lead brands. We all have our favorites, but we can't give them all to ourselves. So if you're feeling like a black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar is giving you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black lead products. Creating a new world of choices at walmart.com slash black and unlimited.

Meet the next generation of podcast stars with Sirius XM's Listen Next program, presented by State Farm. As part of their mission to help voices be heard, State Farm teamed up with Sirius XM to uplift diverse and emerging creators. Tune in to Stars and Stars with Issa as host Issa Nakazawa dives into birth charts of her celeb guests. This is just the start of a new wave of podcasting. Visit statefarm.com to find out how we can help prepare for your future.

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Simply because someone is angry with you doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. People who get mad at you for doing the right thing do so from their guilt and shame. Don't let them guilt you into standing for nothing.

Regardless of how you were raised, no matter what life challenges you've faced or what pressure you might get from friends and family, you have a choice to be a person of good character. Living by a moral code can make a genuine difference in the quality of your own life and in the lives of those you love. I wrote a best-selling book to help outline what it means to live a life doing the right thing. It's called How Could You Do That?,

The Abdication of Character, Courage, and Conscience. And you can find it on my website, drlaura.com, on Amazon, and other booksellers. And of course, I'm here Monday through Thursday taking your calls at 1-800-DR-LAURA and helping you find the courage.

to do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

It's time to get the world talking about black lead brands. We all have our favorites, but we can't give them all to ourselves. So if you're feeling like a black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar is giving you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black lead products. Creating a new world of choices at walmart.com slash black and unlimited.