Shownotes Transcript
Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.
Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply. Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive.
Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. Most of us have experienced annoying work situations at some point in our careers, be it a body odor, busybodies, itchy behavior, catty, complaining, critical, competitive coworkers. There's no limit to the types of problems to be found in any given workplace. When you can't control what's happening around you, remember you can control how you react.
That's the power you have. When Mary Ellen called me, she was thrilled that her least favorite coworker was moving on. Trouble was her office was throwing a going away party that Mary Ellen really did not want to attend. And here's what I said about skipping out on the festivities. Mary Ellen, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call. My pleasure.
I have a question about work. I've been at the same place for 17 years. And about three years ago, we hired a new employee, a new co worker of mine came in quite a bit younger. And she basically made my life a living hell at work. And now she's leaving.
And, of course, we're going to have a goodbye barbecue for her. And I don't want to go. You want to help me understand. So everybody else likes her? Not everybody. Most people must like her in order for there to be a barbecue. That's a big deal. The boss. The boss likes her. Yeah. Oh, so the boss is holding. Madam, just stay with me. The boss is holding a party. Yes. Okay.
Then if the boss is holding the party, it would look bad for you with your boss if you didn't go. Correct. If somebody else was doing it, one of the other co-workers, you could give your sorries, can't make it, but you don't want to disappoint the boss. So I have to go? No, I'm just saying. I don't think you want to disappoint the boss. You can not go if you choose. Okay.
I didn't say you have to go. I'm just pointing out that considering who's hosting the party, it would not look good. Right. It would look a bit petty. Yes. Yep. Yeah. If I go, I just don't think I'm going to be able to pretend that everything is great. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. When you go to a party, you're nice to people. You smile. You have your cocktails. You eat your barbecue. You have conversations.
Who asked you about everything being great? Well, I just don't like being around her. So I guess I don't have to be around her. You need to grow up a little bit right now. I'm looking at my watch. You need to grow up right now. Okay. All right. I will then. Thank you. It has nothing to do with whether you like her or not. It's just a matter of you being gracious and looking like a team player. She is leaving.
So think of it this way. You're celebrating that she's leaving. How could you not be happy? That's true. That is a good way to look at it. You sound like sibling rivalry. I'm the good kid, she's the bad kid, and the boss is giving her a party. That's what you're sounding like, and that's what it'll appear like. This is not a business thing. This is a social thing.
And I have a feeling there's more than three people, you, the boss, and this person. So if there's more than three people, you can busy yourself having conversations with everybody else. Right. Okay, I will go. Thank you. You're welcome. When you're trying to cope with an annoying coworker, the last thing you want to do is make yourself look bad.
Don't act petty. Don't pout. Don't cry. Don't pop your cork because that's what everybody's going to see and remember, that you did something childish or you lost it and the annoying person becomes the victim. So don't lose your cool, but also don't allow yourself to be drained emotionally. Try to keep away from the person you're clashing with. You don't have to be mean. Just casually offer excuses. Oh, I need to make a call or I'm going to check my messages and off you go.
With a gossipy coworker, you might say, you know, I'm just not comfortable talking about that. Or that's not really my business. And off you go.
Another option is to distract yourself by taking breaks. Go for a walk, go look out a window, breathe deeply. Take mental and physical breaks. If you can, use headphones. You'll avoid hearing a lot of annoying stuff with headphones on. If you're dealing with a reasonable person and you think there's a way you can gently bring up a problem and discuss it, do that, but gently.
Gently say something like, we must have gotten off on the wrong foot because the feedback I'm getting is that you're really unhappy with my work. Or it seems like I'm kind of rubbing you the wrong way. People love it when you show that you care about their feelings, their perspective. So ask if there's anything you can do to make things better. It may not work, but heck, it's worth a try.
And while I think that honesty is most often the best policy, some topics are so sensitive that you probably should avoid them altogether. As I explained to Stephanie, who called about her problem with her co-worker's personal hygiene. Stephanie, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call. Hi.
I actually have a work-related question. I work in a small family business with a tight-knit group of girls, and we have a coworker who has recurring really terrible breath. And we don't want to be ugly to her, obviously, but we're wondering, we do work with the public, and it's not good. And I'm wondering if you have any advice for that.
You'll have to check with HR or a lawyer on how to handle that. Because these days, if you say something like that, she might be able to sue you. So you really need to talk to a lawyer about how to handle it. So just as a friend, there's no way around that. There's no way you're a friend when this is a business environment. Okay. All right, then. Thank you.
You're very welcome. When you have a business situation, you damn well better talk to an attorney. And she could have rotting teeth. She could have terrible stomach problems. It could be so many things that make the bad breath. But nonetheless, bringing it up exposes you to a lawsuit. That's the world today. You can't be a friend because the other person could sue.
Okay, break time. Time for you to take a few breaths, calm yourself down before you imagine start dealing with that office problem. Be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.
Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.
Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company, seniority, skills...
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A lot of issues at work stem from competition. That's what Samantha was dealing with when we spoke. Now, one of the best things you can do with a competitive coworker is ask their opinion or ask for their help and compliment them, especially in front of other people. Make them look good in front of a lot of people, and they will likely start treating you differently. With Samantha's competitive coworker, I had another technique for her to try.
Samantha, welcome to the program. Oh, hi, Dr. Laura. I'm so excited to be on the air. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Thank you. My dilemma has to deal with a topic that you've brought up over the last couple of weeks a few times, this idea of how best it is to deal with bullies. And my particular situation is a workplace bully.
It is a situation where in my organization, this particular person was, in her opinion, she feels as if she was slighted and passed over for a promotion, which I am now currently in the running for. And she feels the need to make, you know, sarcastic snide comments, try to embarrass me. This is really simple. This is really simple. Especially...
Each time she does this, whether it's with you alone or in front of other people, especially in front of other people, keep a record. And number two, each time say the same thing. Yeah, I can see this is terribly upsetting. You ought to go to HR and file a complaint that you were looked over. You know, you didn't get a promotion you thought you should have gotten. So go to HR. That's what they're there for. They can help you with this. So in front of other people, you will look very helpful and gracious.
And you will not show any pain. And it's really up your nose because she knows damn well nothing good is going to come of that. But I want you to do that same thing as though you never did it before each time, especially in front of other people. Look incredibly gracious about it.
I like that advice. That seems very proactive. Because intellectually, I know when people just generally speaking make those kinds of snide put downs, I know that intellectually it speaks far more to their insecurity than anything about me. I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that. And who the hell gives a damn if it implies they have insecurities? That really, I have never liked that retort from anybody.
Well, you know, don't worry about it. It just shows you what they are. So I want better than that. So in public, you'll be seen as saying, hey, if that's the case, please go to HR and lodge a complaint. That's the way to handle this. So you are being not like a girl. You are not coming from hurt feelings. You are acting like a total professional. Yeah.
And it doesn't matter if she's insecure. What difference does it make to you and me that she's insecure? Sarcasm in particular is such a double-edged sword because it's like two insults for one. You know, oh, you can't take a joke. I'm just kidding. It's always couched in language. Samantha. Yeah, I know. I know. No, you don't know. So I'm going to tell you. It has nothing. I'm not discussing your righteousness of being upset, but you're sounding like a girl.
Yeah, you're right. And you are in a professional situation. You do not want to sound like a girl. There is no equivalent. You sound like a guy because if you sound like a guy, you don't sound like a girl. And sounding like a girl means the emotions are the center point. And they're not. Yeah, good point. They're not. The guy would not be calling me saying, and it hurt my feelings. And it's not in front of my friends.
No, he'd even go F off or go to HR. If you really believe it, fight for it. Fight for it is what a guy would say. If you believe this job should be yours, fight for it. Okay. Instead of it hurt my feelings and it's embarrassing and it's uncomfortable and it makes me have to talk about it again and again and again and again.
Because when I know, when we don't step up to bullies, it just comes back again and again and again and again. Again, that's correct. Or it just circles back, yeah. Right. It doesn't stop. Exactly. Now you sound like a professional, not like a girl. Thank you, Dr. Laura. You're very welcome. Fight for it. You want it? Fight for it. You know?
We don't need two high school girls whining about that. We just need you to be a professional. Working in an office is a lesson in relationships. You need to know how to get along with people. The best way to do that is to be solicitous, non-competitive, supportive, open to advice. It's about give and take on a professional level. Be very aware of showing respect and
Asking for input, offering help, especially as I discussed with Mary, when you're dealing with your boss. Mary, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. What a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you. Just want to say you're strong, conservative, decisive, and a great example for so many of us. But
Anyways, the reason my call today is I have a boss who's quite the bully, and particularly to me, there's five of us at this point. And, you know, whenever we're meeting, she will never let me finish a sentence. She's very patronizing. And if I do make a suggestion, she has a better way to do it or tell me, pay
has to tell me that I'm wrong about something. So I just, it's really frustrating and don't know what to do about this. But I do have to say I'm only in the office with her like once a week. So that makes it bearable. Well, then once a week, don't speak up. I'm serious.
Really? Okay. Have the meeting, sit quietly, and listen to everything that's going on. And at the end of the meeting, say, this was wonderful. I learned a lot. Thank you very much. I appreciated it. And get up and leave. Okay. Be the tree that lets the wind blow over it and it bends slightly rather than breaks. Yes. So you don't think I should report her? That's an interesting thing, what you're doing now.
I told you what I thought you ought to do, which meant I don't think you ought to do something different from that, like go to war over it. I think it's once a week meeting. You go in there. You listen to everybody. You say, that was very interesting. And even pick up something she said and go, I thought that was really an important thing that you brought up. So you compliment her. You thank everybody. And you leave.
your world will change. You will immediately feel better. You are not going to feel better going to war. And you know what? You'll lose the war. I know. You're right. So if you do it my way, you're going to feel better. You're going to blow off the top of her head with nice compliments. And you're going to love the rest of your day. Good deal. Yeah, I agree. Yes, you're going to love your day. Believe me, you will love your day.
Ultimately, your workplace is where you go to earn a living. These aren't necessarily friends and they're not family. It's a job. There's a reason your company has a human resources department and some employees, like my caller Julie, really have no choice but to involve them.
Julie, welcome to the program. Hey, Dr. Laura. Big, big fan for a very long time. Thank you. Now my husband's a fan of yours, too. So...
My question kind of comes from your commentary earlier today, and that is, I work with a co-worker who I've worked with for years, and we work kind of remotely under a manager, and I've worked with him under two different managers. And
And he, over time, has gotten more and more, I guess, resentful, kind of outwardly, like, aggressive. Why would he increase, why would he be resentful? Why?
Well, the current, my current manager says he thinks it's jealousy. He says it's just jealousy. Don't worry about it. A little bit of a backstory on it. Okay, don't need a backstory. You had a manager note that this person behaves that way and gave a potential explanation. Is that correct? Do I have that correct?
Yeah. I mean, just kind of flip it. Stop. Stop. I just want to know. Yes, please. Please. I just want to know. Okay. Once you have a manager who acknowledges that this is happening and making a bad workspace, you go to HR and file a complaint. Okay. And then the animosity person will be taken care of. Or they know they'll have to have a financial settlement with you. So don't leave your home unless you're going to grow some balls. Okay. I heard that. Okay.
Oh, I actually have to do something about this. I don't want someone losing their job because... I don't care what you want. I'm telling you the grown-up way to do it, regardless of gender. Women who want to be this weak, oh, I'd want to be very nice. I don't want anybody mad at me. I don't want anything bad to happen, so I have to feel bad or I have to feel guilty. My opinion is that women like this should never have a job, never leave the house.
Because you either can act like a strong grown-up or you can't. And I, as a woman, are expecting you to step up. You complained to a manager who told you basically to eat it. No. This is a bad work environment. You are under no obligation to tolerate it. It is bullying and abusive. You go and lodge the complaint. And you mentioned that the manager backed you up and whatever the manager said, you write it all down.
They will call in that person and he will have more reason to be animosity ridden. And then they will get rid of him. Not because you complained, but because he's behaving unprofessionally. Yes. You are not losing somebody their job. He is losing his own job for himself. And please, since I was in school in the 60s.
I mean, it got totally distorted and made stupid and ugly, like let's kill babies and bodies because that makes us real women. But in spite of all of that distortion, the notion was that we should be respected and have the same opportunities. Well, then we've got to act like grownups. You're right. You are the role model for all women.
All of them everywhere. Foreign countries. Everywhere. So I'm insulted and I should be for being weak because you're right. And I'm not going to be. Thank you. You're welcome. Good for you. Okay. Break time. Need you to breathe in slowly. Breathe out through your mouth and think more positively about how you can make your work time better.
I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Deeper.
Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure, man. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Ha ha ha.
Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply. Talk to Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. Deep. If you decide to approach a coworker, employee, or supervisor, make sure you do it as though you were Mahatma Gandhi and take on a demeanor of peace.
People will be less likely to respond with anger if you approach them with peace. Also put yourself in the other person's moccasins. Maybe they are having problems in their life or they're feeling disrespected. If you show some interest in hearing the other person's side of an issue, you can reduce the chances of things escalating. If you need to confront someone, think it through. Come up with a plan. Is this something you want to discuss with the person you're having a problem with?
your boss, HR, or an attorney. Finally, not everything can be fixed. If your workplace woes seem irreparable, it might be time to move on and find a new job.
Perhaps there's something going on in your work or personal life that you'd like my help with. I'm here to take your calls at 1-800-DR-LAURA or go to my website, make an appointment to speak with me on air at GFBVS. Now, go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.
And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
Okay, we've got Katie's projects, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.
Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.