Marital sex is crucial because it telegraphs love and care to a husband. For men, sexual intimacy is a primary way they feel connected and valued in a relationship. Without it, they may feel neglected and seek fulfillment elsewhere, potentially leading to affairs or emotional disconnection.
Studies show that a woman's sex drive often plummets once she feels secure in a relationship. This is a psychobiological response where her initial high sex drive, which facilitated bonding and mate attraction, decreases as the relationship stabilizes.
Couples can reignite their sexual connection by being intentional about intimacy. This includes scheduling time for each other, engaging in playful or naughty communication throughout the day, and redefining foreplay to include activities that build anticipation and excitement.
A lack of sexual intimacy often leads to emotional disconnection and dissatisfaction in a marriage. Dr. Laura emphasizes that couples who don't have a good sex life rarely have a good marriage, as sexual intimacy is a key component of bonding and maintaining a healthy relationship.
Dr. Laura advises women to prioritize sexual intimacy even when tired, as it strengthens the marital bond. She suggests creating rituals to shift focus from daily stresses to connecting with their spouse, emphasizing that intimacy can be a source of emotional and physical rejuvenation.
Dr. Laura believes women wield significant power in relationships and often set the tone for marital intimacy. She argues that men are more responsive to their wives' affection and attention, and when women neglect this, men may withdraw emotionally and physically.
Appreciation is vital in maintaining a healthy marriage because it motivates spouses to continue contributing positively to the relationship. Dr. Laura explains that showing admiration and gratitude for a husband's efforts can encourage him to do more and strengthen the emotional bond.
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This is Dr. Laura Schlesinger, and I want to read you this email from my listener, Kay, who wrote in after listening to my Marital Sex Matters Deep Dive podcast. She says, I'm 27 years old. I've been married nine years and have spent the last year or so thinking I made a huge mistake marrying my husband. He's kind, good-looking, a hard worker who has always provided well for me. I even get to stay home with our two-year-old.
Yet I found myself incredibly unhappy in my marriage. I believed that my husband was the awful one for getting upset when I rejected his sexual advances because I was tired. But your deep dive on marital sex helped me better understand the psychology behind my husband's need to be intimate with me. I now see sex in an entirely new light and I'm starting to feel like I did when I was dating him.
A feeling I never saw coming back. Thank you for helping me turn things around. Yes, I get to wow. So ladies, before you watch the fireworks tonight, ask yourself if you need to reignite the sensuality in your marriage. If the answer is yes, let today's classic deep dive episode, Marital Sex Matters, to be the spark that lights the fire. Enjoy listening and happy 4th of July.
Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Offering new analysis and advice on some of life's more perplexing problems. Marriage, relationships, mental health, and more. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast. Marital sex matters. It may have stopped mattering to you, but 99.99999% of the time, it doesn't stop mattering to your husband.
Even when your lives are uber busy with children and responsibility, even if you're not as cute and firm as you were when you were younger, even though you've gotten out of the habit, even if you're angry at him for some reason, there's really never a time when sex doesn't matter to your man and he will look elsewhere for the sex and to feeling cared about, which is what sex means to him.
What do you want? Virtual relationship for him? No. You want an affair for him? No. You want a hooker for him? No. Poose? No. Imagine your husband giving you the silent treatment. To him, that's the equivalent of you not wanting to enjoy sex with him. To a man, your interest in sex telegraphs your love. Frankly, it's as simple as that.
Psychobiologically speaking, a woman's sex drive is initially high in the beginning of a relationship to facilitate bonding. So she can attract a mate, connect, make babies. Studies have shown that a woman's sex drive plummets the instant she feels secure in the relationship. Uh-oh. And then begins the classic story of the sex-starved husband and his disinterested wife.
Interestingly, the wife's desire for tenderness doesn't wane. She still craves sweet words and hand-holding from her man. It's very typical for a woman to withhold sex intimacy but continue to expect to be romanced. Huh? Now does that sound logical?
You're kidding yourself if you answer yes. Before long, the wife begins to wonder why her husband doesn't celebrate special occasions like Valentines and anniversaries with enthusiasm, sweetness, and wonderful gifts. I'll tell you why. He feels disconnected. When you have sex with your husband willingly, happily, joyfully, hornily, you are telegraphing your love to him. A quick way to make your man feel disconnected from you?
be disinterested in him sexually. Well, that's what Mary discovered. Mary, welcome to the program. Hi. Hi, Dr. Laura. I'm a little nervous. Okay, so I've been married for about six years, and my husband and I have a four-year-old, and we've kind of lost a lot of the romance that we had when we were a boyfriend and girlfriend, which I know is normal. No, it's not.
No, it's not. It's voluntary, but it's not normal. We're still intimate, but we just don't connect anymore. When was the last time you did something romantic and adorable and cute and girl-friendly like to him? When was the last time you did that? Can you remember? Well, I mean, I do things for him. Can you remember the last time you cooked for him? A chef can do that. Try doing things that a girlfriend does, and you'll see an immediate change.
Remember when you were a girlfriend, you were trying to make him like you? Right. Those things. I just don't, I don't have that sort of time. You better make it or you'll have a lot of free time when you're divorced. I feel like that's where we're heading. Yeah, because it's going to be 100% your fault because you don't make time for it. And men are really very secondary in this department. They take the pacing from their wives.
If they don't get positive feedback from their wives, they stop doing X, Y, or Z. If their wives don't have time for them, they start feeling less and less connected to her. Most of this is your fault. You better find, bye, bye, bye. You better find the time or you kiss him goodbye. That's your situation. And then when he leaves and you call me and complain that he's a bastard, I'm going to laugh. No, he's a good husband. Yes, he is. He doesn't have a good wife. Yeah.
So go back to being his girlfriend, just like you did when you were trying to get him to like you. Go back to all those behaviors and you'll be happier within 24 hours. Do you want to be happier within 24 hours? Yes or no? I guarantee you, you will be happier within 24 hours if you start being his girlfriend. Guaranteed. Okay. I don't know why you feel like crying over this.
Because it seems to me you should throw a party that you know you have the power to make this turn around in 24 hours. Instead, you're acting put upon. Why men marry women, I'll never know. After just five years of marriage, Erin is denying her husband's sex for a host of reasons. What can she do to change things before she drives her husband away? I think we came up with some good ideas during this call. Erin, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my phone call.
I'm really hoping you can help me out today. So I have a horrible time being intimate and showing affection with my husband. I feel like I am having a huge, major anxiety attack. We've been married for five years and we've been together for 11. Okay, so this is the first time he noticed you don't like to have sex or touch? No. It's taken him 11 years to notice?
No, he, I think I cover it up as best as I can. I mean, it's not that I don't deny him. You mean he thinks when he was dating you, he thought you were quite passionate? Because when we were dating, I will be completely honest, I was a lot more passionate, but I think it was more because I was afraid to lose him. No, don't tell me I think it was because. You enjoyed the sex. I enjoyed being with him.
I didn't necessarily enjoy the sex part of it. I don't know what I didn't necessarily. Is that I didn't like it at all? I never had an orgasm? I didn't enjoy the feeling in my body? I didn't enjoy the feeling. I do have orgasms sometimes, but most of the time I just feel like I can't even breathe. What a terrible thing you did to him. I know, because he's a great, awesome person. Oh, my God. That's really terrible.
So I'm trying to find out why I am like this. Does he now know? Well, to me, the more important thing is you wanted him at any price that he had to pay. That was terrible. I agree. Does he know any of this? Does he know what you just told me? He does know that I do have anxiety sometimes. But he doesn't know that you've been making belief? No. Well, in all these years, why didn't you get some help?
I have gone for therapy. And I honestly, I none of it is a different therapist. None of it has helped. I don't know if it's just that I'm not going to the right type of therapy. The only thing I've ever been told is it when I was 15 years old, I was date rape. And I've always been told, oh, that's why it is. So you just just go along with it and do what you need to do to have a good marriage.
I want you to describe the time you had sex with him and it was great. I'm sure it's happened at least one time and I want, I don't care how graphic. No, no. Okay. I don't care how, ma'am, let me finish. I don't care how graphic you get. I want you to describe in great detail. Like, like we're having a voyeuristic moment. I want you to describe in great detail the time it was really great. Go ahead. Okay. Um, we, I was,
very comfortable. I was not having any anxiety. We began kissing. It was just very calm. I felt very calm. And because I was calm, I wanted to be with him. I didn't feel scared or anything. And we, you know, kissed foreplay the whole nine yards. And it was
Your idea of detail and mine are really very different, but let's go back to the beginning. They are. I was calm. Why? Why were you calm? I don't know. We'll get you hung up on. Just want to tell you that right now. I know. Oh, I know. That I know. I was calm because? Because I didn't have anything else going through my mind except for that moment. Why? I'm honestly stumped. I'm trying to
That's too close to I don't know. That'll get you hung up on. Okay. This is your life. It's real important. This is his life. It's real important. Right. Yes, I agree. So let's go over that. I didn't have anything else going on in my mind. Anything else like what? Being pissed at him? Being disappointed with him? No, there was... It was a good day. So when there are other things on your mind, when there are other things on your mind...
Have to do with any of your feelings about him or anything he's done or said? No. So your state of mind has absolutely nothing to do with any feelings or thoughts you have about him. Is that what you believe? When I'm having anxiety, I'm not thinking of him. When it was a good moment and I felt calm, I was thinking of him. I'm talking about what comes before what you call the anxiety.
What comes before that? I feel like I'm doing something. It's a fear I feel that I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. Before that, before that, before that, everything you just mentioned comes after. Okay. Before that. I didn't have anything else going on in my mind. Like what? I wasn't thinking about my kids, finances. Everything that I was thinking and feeling was
what should be between a married man and woman. And why suddenly did all the frustrations of life drop out of your head? Why suddenly would that happen? How do you think that was? I was happy. Why? We still had the kids. We still had the financial problem. We still had neighbors, family, all kinds of annoying things, gas pains, whatever. Right. So how does suddenly they drop out? Because I solely focused on him. What does that mean you focused on him?
I paid attention to what was happening with us and my mind wasn't able to wander. Oh, it could wander. You just brought it back. Minds wander. We bring it back. It had nothing to do with what happened when you were 15. And the anxiety has nothing to do with the date rape. That's been an excuse that a lot of therapists have supported in you. Okay. Sort of therapy 101. Okay. If it came before, it must be responsible for everything that came after. No.
You just have times when you stop being selfish. You just have times. You're right. Yeah. What can I do for myself to change how I am? You just did the change. Don't you understand? You just did it in admitting to the reality. Don't you understand that is the change? Okay. That is, you understand exactly what you're doing. There are times you really just don't want to be giving because you're too absorbed in everything that's bugged you for the day.
for the week and on the one hand it's very nice of you to engage in sex when you're not exactly up for it because it makes him feel loved yeah and i think that you have a little edge of selfishness i know that sounds contradictory but you fight your selfishness and i applaud you for that so here's the deal
Here's the deal. There are a lot of things to be frustrated and worried about and upset about in life. There just are. I hate that fact, but it's true. And there are some times the day just wears on you and the worries wear on you. And it's very hard to shift gears. That's also a truth of life. Very hard to shift gears. You need to have some ritual, whether you're having sex or not. You need to have a ritual where you, I'm picturing you now,
Sorry if it sounds rude. In a shower. That's okay. Not seeing you naked, don't worry. Right. In a shower. You don't want to say that. Saying to yourself, yeah, I'm going to wash this day right off my body. Okay. Some ritual like that. Or a 15-minute run. I'm going to run, let the wind blow my annoyances out of my hair as I run. Whatever it is that you do.
I don't know if you're very athletic or I don't know what you are. So whatever makes sense that you give yourself permission to take it off. Okay. Like it's a heavy coat because one of the blessings about life and love is intimacy. And whether you had a crappy experience at 15 or not, whether the kids can make you crazy and the finances can scare that bejesus out of you, as they say, ultimately we're left with love. Yeah.
the ultimate healing that I want you to allow yourself to partake of so that the kids and the finances just become a separate issue you'll handle later. Right now, I'm going to go to the well and drink love from the well. Okay. And he is, I'm so fortunate that he is such a loving guy. Yes, he is. But you know what? He really is. You're a very loving woman. I want to be. You stand in the way of yourself. I know.
But you are a very loving woman. You just need to get out of your own way. I don't want to be selfish. You're not really. You just get stuck in your head sometimes. Yeah. So let's come up with a ritual. You can have even more than one. Okay. Where you give yourself permission to divest of whatever is pissing you off for the day. Okay. And you use your husband as your boy toy. Okay. I like that. Okay.
Come here. I need my world rocked. It's been a bitch of a day. I need my world rocked, babe. He will appreciate that. So will you. I will. I have to allow myself to appreciate it. Yes, you do. Got to get out of your way. So we need the ritual. So when you hang up, come up with one or two of those rituals. I'm going to take a break now and give you time to text your husband something sexy. I'll be right back.
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actually cares about your health at thrivemarket.com slash get started for 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift. A deep dive deeper. Dr. Laura's much deeper. Deep dive podcast. Now, parenthood is one of the most common reasons couples put sex on the back burner. Not going to try to minimize the impact of kids on a marriage and on a sex life, but the way we get through everything is
is when we have a special bond. And one of the ways to have that special bond is sexual intimacy. It creates romance, passion, a spark. It's something you share with your spouse and nobody else. It's a special connection. Only the two of you, like a secret handshake. Now, after you're chauffeuring kids around, cleaning up after them, making sure they have their homework done, toothbrush off to bed at a decent time, it's hard to feel sexy. And as you get older, you may not feel that attractive.
But the bottom line is, couples who don't have a good sex life rarely have a good marriage. Es posible, but it's rare. So, how do we combat this? Intent. Intent. You intend to. You have a calendar up there for your family so you don't forget all the activities with kids, birthdays, appointments. When did you ever have a calendar for little trysts with your spouse?
I read one thing that gave me a chuckle. This couple, every time they went to a party or a dinner at somebody's house, would arrange to be in the powder room at the same time and get it on because it was kind of exciting to have to get it on there. The foreplay was the excitement. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with you rubbing my back, rubbing your toe, no, no, no, no, no. No, they were just, oh, good, and come out with a big smile on their faces, you know? Put this stuff on your calendar. Have a calendar hidden in, I don't know, your closet.
You put, okay, I got somebody to take care of the kids overnight. We're going to act like we don't have any. We're going to go out for dinner and go to a hotel, meet each other at the bar, pick each other up at the bar, and get it on. That's a Motown song, isn't it? Get it on. Now, as time goes on, your bodies change. You don't look as hard-bodied and head full of hair like you used to. And if you're not feeling sexy, you don't feel very excited for sex. So the two of you really need...
Keep each other pumped up about how you feel about each other, how the other looks. Oh yeah, but my middle is a little soft. Yeah, but the pecs still drive me crazy. Okay? Also, redefine foreplay. A lot of you think of that as the routine we have to do to get everybody revved up. Well, you can do that with naughty texts all day, salacious little comments to each other. Yes, playful stuff. You can be very hot to trot without doing a lot of
the usual physical foreplay. And get creative. Don't wait for all the conditions to be right. Put a movie on for the kids. Go into the garage. Don't turn the car on because then you'll die of carbon monoxide poisoning. And get it on in the back seat. I mean, you know, have some crazy fun. And last but not least, I'm too tired is death. Besides, if you really need a good night's sleep,
There are a few things that help you sleep better than snuggling up with your spouse after a connecting night of sex. Need I say more? No, so I won't. Got it? It's intentional. I'm going to take a break now while you make some plans to have somebody watch the kids when you take your husband out on the town in a sexy outfit. I'll be right back. Dive. Dive in. Deep dive. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.
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If you want the best for your children, and I know you do, you should want your marriage to be healthy. And a healthy marriage includes a sex life that satisfies both of you. You need to be intentional about keeping sex and sensuality at the top of your priorities list. So don't be the selfish, self-centered woman Natalie was when she called.
Natalie, welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. You're amazing. You're the best. Thank you. So my question for you today is, how can I keep my husband happy and satisfied sexually while at the same time have time for myself to take care of me and my children? He's very demanding when it comes to that. Natalie?
Yes. I never thought of sex in the way you're describing. Unless I, you know, you become a hooker and you get paid for it, sweetheart. I don't get it. It is. That is your time. That is for you. Why is it bad lover? What the hell are you talking about?
Because he wants it all the time. He doesn't want it all the time. Nobody wants it all the time. Nobody wants it all the time. You're exaggerating now and I can't help you with exaggerations. Okay, well, the days that he doesn't get it, I mean, you know, he wants it at least two to three times a week. Days he doesn't get it. That's normal in a married couple. And your attitude sucks. You're the kind of woman men fool around on.
And then you call me all high and mighty that he breached his vows. He doesn't get it. It's not a matter of something he's getting. It's a matter of what the two of you are sharing. It's called love, called intimacy. It's the ultimate in bonding. And you look at it as some kind of something you have to do to shut him up. God, he can't be happy with you. So can I ask you another question then? Is he a lousy lover?
No, not at all. Absolutely not. Well, then why in the name of anything blessed would you look at this as something you have to do for him so you can get on to the important things to you?
Okay. Because sometimes there are days that I have that you want sex that I don't because I'm tired. I'm tired from taking care of my kids all day. All I want to do is take care of me and go to the gym and just be me. Oh, you have energy to go to the gym, but not to spend 15 minutes getting sweaty with him. Yeah. Ma'am, you will be divorced. He will have an affair and I don't blame him.
Sorry, you have a really sucky attitude as a wife. Sorry. Okay. He will have an affair. He will dump you. No, I don't want him to do that. And that'll be a disaster. Yeah, he will dump you. He will. If he even heard this call, he's on the way to his attorney's office. I hope to God he didn't hear this. I'd rather take time after myself and go to the gym. It's been a long day. I don't want to cuddle and make love to the man who's laying down his life for me, taking care of me and the kids.
thinking about me all day, wanting to wrap himself around me. Women like that should never be proposed to. I'm sorry. I feel so sorry for men in this era. Women are so blindly self-centered. Actually, they're not even blindly self-centered. They're just blatantly self-centered.
Couples who don't have a good sex life rarely have a good marriage. Is that what you want? And just so we're clear, ladies, you are the ones who have the power to make the change. That's why most of this is directed to you. Men are easy enough to please with attention, affection, and affirmation. And that's what I told Amanda, whose husband just announced that he wants a separation.
Amanda, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. I have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 13. And when we first got together and dating, I was successful and we started out together.
I'm 44. So when we got pregnant with my son, he's 11 now. It was like, okay, I'm going to stay home and this is what we're going to do. So that's what we've done. We have my son who's 11 and my daughter who's 7. And it's been great. I've stayed home with the kids. And we've gone from having one store to five stores. And my husband is very driven and works seven days a week, doesn't like to delegate, all that other stuff.
Um, but fast forward now to recently and my mom passed away three years ago and my mom used to, she lived away and she used to come out periodically two, three times a year. So my husband and I could go away for a weekend. But exactly what I can, I help you with. I mean, this is,
Very interesting. He asked me for separation about three months ago. And he said that I'm not the same person that he married anymore. And that. In what regard? In what regard? He just, in that, is that I'm just not the same person anymore. And nobody is the same person anymore. What is he missing? Love, attention, affection, money. What's he missing?
He has like the money and that's. What's he missing? Love, attention. What is he missing? Okay, well, then he's dumping you because you stopped being his wife. And I became. What a dumb thing to do. Okay, I wrote a book. I'm angry because I played by the rule. Okay, I'm going to put you on hold because you won't hush up.
Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and you can probably remedy this. Maybe he hasn't found somebody else already. This reminds me of the time that I wrote The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, because one after another. What's he missing? Oh, I'm going to talk around it. What's he missing? Oh, I'm going to talk around it. Is he missing love, attention, and affection? Well, yeah. But let me just say something to you women who are married. Two simple things. Just going to give you two simple things, okay? Simple thing number one.
Be the kind of wife you would want to come home to. That means the way you behave, the way you talk, what you do, how responsive you are, how kind, how sensitive, how much fun. Would you want to come home to you? Be the kind of wife you would want to come home to. Number two, I'm just going to give you two things. It shouldn't be too hard. Number two, first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is look at him and think about what you could do today to make him happy that he's married to you.
Now, the answer to your question is yes, of course, that goes both ways. However, I think I believe that if anybody is going to become colorblind to what they need to do to be a spouse, it's mostly women. Men respond to that by withdrawing. But it generally starts with the wife.
We have that much power. Yes, generally starts with the wife. Yes, you should both wake up in the morning and think about what you could do to make the other person happy to be married to you. Yes, you should be the kind of spouse you would want to come home to. Yes, but I hold you women more accountable because we really wield the power. We ain't happy. Nobody is.
Good question here, if I say so myself. Are you the kind of spouse you would want to come home to? Do you ask yourself each morning what you could do to make your husband's day happier? Or are you putting him on the back burner, like Jenny was when she called, resentful that her husband had withdrawn from her? But what came first, the chicken or the egg? Jenny, welcome to the program.
Hi, Dr. Miller. Thanks for taking my call. Thank you. So, I've been married for 12 and a half years, and my husband and I have had some problems with communication and things of that nature, and he came to me today and said that he knows that I don't need him anymore.
emotionally or physically and that if he walked out the door today that I would not. It wouldn't disrupt my life at all. That's what I call good communication though. Yes it is. That's definitely a step in the right direction. The alarm went off saying he feels completely neglected by you. Yes. We've had a lot of
He's always kind of put me on the back burner, and I feel like I did the same to him. And as we were having our kids, I never was important to him. And if I was not able to do the duties that I needed to do for him, he always shut me out. That's what men do when they're rejected sexually by their wives. They shut down.
There is a chicken and an egg order here. Men are very, very, men are a lot more dependent upon acceptance by their wives than wives are by their husbands. True. You do understand that? I do. So when the attention goes to your mother, your friends, your sister, and your kids, men withdraw. Yeah, that's true. And now he tells you it's at the breaking point. Yes. So you're turning it around and saying, no, he backburnered me.
You're turning it around on him. I am trying to, yeah, which is wrong. Well, you're not going to keep your man if you just play that game, you know, the hot potato game, I call it. It's really your fault. Yeah. I mean, he's giving you notice. A lot of women never get any. Well, there was a lot of things that happened that made me not want to trust him emotionally.
Okay, well, here we are, and he's telling you he's probably going to leave. So if you're going to dwell on history, he's probably going to leave. How do I forget that? Well, you can't forget anything. Our brains, if you forget, we call it brain degeneration. Okay. We can put things in perspective and decide that was then, this is now. Okay.
I mean, if you've got such a, you know, here's how it is for my position. I make a suggestion to either a man or a woman. These are the things you need to do to bring this back together. And they go, oh, but I'm so angry for so many other things. I'm so disappointed for so many other things. I have so many bad memories for so many other things. And why the hell are you with them? Yeah. If you've really got so much crap that you want to bring it up now to put it in the way of doing anything to save your marriage, then what the hell are you doing with them anyway? Let them go. True.
There's times when I do think this isn't fair to him and I should let him go because I don't want to be married to him a lot of the time. He's a jerk a lot of the time. As I am too. Well, I don't know which came first, the chicken or the egg, because men are very easy to manipulate into being terrific. If they're not sociopaths and if they're not narcissists, they are so easy to manipulate into being terrific. All they need is acceptance.
appreciation, and affection from their wives. They're very easy to reel back in. However, if you're going to stand on, but I have history, then wave goodbye. Yeah, that's true. Appreciation, admiration, affection. He has to feel that you appreciate what he does. And if he's not doing a lot for you now, it's because he's turned off to you.
So if you find small things to appreciate, he's going to start doing more and more to get that back some more from you. Okay. Oh, I so appreciate that you blankety-blanked. Thank you. My God, that made my day easier. Oh, he's going to find other things to do to get that reaction. Wait a minute. What did I do? Nothing. I'm suggesting what you should do. Oh, sorry. I... Yeah. What else are you paying attention to? Are you paying attention to something else? Blankety-blanket.
Sorry, I didn't mean to talk over you. Say that one more time. Well, I said if he's not doing a lot for you, it's because you've not given him feedback to motivate him. So if you were to look at anything that he did and show a lot of appreciation, he'd kill himself to do more to get more appreciation. True. You show him you admire him for what he has sacrificed or done or produced or what have you, he'll do more. You show him affection and sex.
He's going to do double backflips to give you anything you want. You have most of the control. Women basically have the control in relationships. Yeah, I control the mood for sure. I know that much. Yeah, that's right. And if you want to be pissy, well, then you're not going to get much back. Yeah, and I know that. Well, you have a decision to make. Yeah, I do. You want to have fun in this marriage or do you want to wave goodbye?
Yeah, I need to think about it. I've got three kids and I've raised his daughter for 18 years now. And I don't want to kiss him goodbye because I don't want to. I know what a blended family does to your relationship. Admiration, appreciation, affection. It's all in your hands. Okay.
If you're going to let pride or you don't want to look weak or you don't want to give up power and control or anything, you let any of those distorted ways of thinking get in the way, you're doing life by yourself and that won't be pretty. Especially if he finds somebody who appreciates him, admires him and gives him a lot of affection, she's going to be the stepmother. Yeah. I don't want that. You're going to be sending your kids to her. And I do not want that. No way, no how. Okay.
I love my kids too much. Okay. And I need to be more affectionate towards them. I know that. And I need to quit being so hard-headed and just do it. You'll be surprised how making them happy will make your day more pleasant.
Did you catch what might motivate Jenny to be the wife her husband deserves? Joint custody and the thought of her children being with her only half time. So if you care about your kids and keeping an intact family, ladies, don't lose your sensuality. It's an essential part of your being as a woman.
Good marital sex is for you as much as it is for your husband. If you're in need of help to properly care for your husband and your marriage, I've written a whole book about that called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Check out my website at drlaura.com to get a few. Share them.
It's even available in easy to absorb online video series. By the way, chapter six, all about sex. You can find it at drlaura.com slash marriage 101. What are you waiting for? Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.
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