The Father Factor - The Importance of Dads in Children’s Lives
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It takes a man to turn a boy into a man and a dad to show his daughter what she should be looking for in a future husband. That's why I'm constantly nagging you to choose wisely before getting married. To pick a man who will be a good husband and who will also be a good father. Dads aren't just there to be another adult in the home.

They bring something important and essential to their kids' lives. So choosing poorly can ultimately be very damaging. One of the things that I have pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed is for men to act like men and fathers to do their jobs with respect to their role as a male, as a man in their family with their kids. And generally that has to do with things like the kids' parents.

not treating his woman, a.k.a. mom, with respect and how he's supposed to intervene, take stands, hold up values. That's when guys are not as easily swayed by emotions. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Guys are not, the male brain is not that swayed by that. It requires that balance. So when I read this email this morning, I thought, I have to share this with you right at the top.

From Cynthia, I once heard you tell, she wrote an email, by the way, just go to drlaura.com. Sign up for the family. You can send an email. I read them all. Not necessarily on air. Cynthia wrote, I once heard you tell a woman that it's the father's job to lay down the law regarding things like their teenage daughter's boyfriends. When I was about 15, a boy walked me home from school, carried my books,

And his. The whole distance. That's so romantic when you're 15. When my father got home from work, he noticed the boys' report card sitting on top of the boys' books on the kitchen table. My father read the report card, saw that it was full of bad grades. My dad immediately stormed into the living room where we were sitting on the couch laughing.

He had his report card in hand and said to him, get the hell home, boy. Start studying. No one sees my daughter with grades like these. The boy jumped up, grabbed his things, and ran home. My mother and I sat shocked, but neither of us even considered questioning my dad. That was my first boyfriend.

But every guy after that knew exactly what my father expected because he made no bones about telling them before we could leave for our date. My father also always gave me money in front of the guy so I could call him if there was any trouble. Cynthia, that's a father. These days, you don't recognize that in most homes. Kids run the homes now. Parents are busy, uninvolved.

by and large. They don't get involved. They're friends now. They don't want to upset their kids. Even men with their masculine brains are falling into that. So I wanted to read that to you. That's what I'm expecting from you fathers. Happy Father's Day. Now, I'd like you mothers to think about how much you want to tell your husband how terrific he is and how needed he is.

And then I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.

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Fatherless homes deprive kids of one of the most essential factors in their development. I don't know how much more blunt I can be. Children with more involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in new situations, eager to explore their surroundings. Because, well, let me just give you this example.

When my kid was about eight or nine, we went on vacation to a place right on the ocean. And I sat by the pool because I'm not too crazy about the ocean. I mean, I like to be on it. But, you know, there are sharks. And I figure there's one swimming around somewhere with a picture of me. Anyway, I watched this mom and dad. I've told this story a number of times on air in over 50 years. It's worth telling again because it says everything.

That's why it's been emblazoned in my brain. This mom had an infant in her arms. The baby was facing toward her. She was pressing it toward her chest, gently, gently, bobbing in the water, swaying, just gently holding the baby tight to her chest, slowly, rhythmically moving in the water, comforting, soothing. Mommy stuff.

Dad comes into the pool. Mom hands the baby to the dad. She hands the baby to the dad in a way that the baby is facing the dad. The dad tosses the baby about 10 inches into the air, and when he catches the baby, the baby is now facing outward. He then takes the baby and treats it like an airplane. You know, zooming up and down, touching the water. Baby is laughing his little brains out.

And I went, mm-hmm, that's the balance between the masculine and the feminine right there. You need that in your home.

Kids take more risks because dad puts them in these exciting situations and they learn to be comfortable with it. And life requires you to take risks. So the more involved fathers are, the more likely you'll be to have emotionally secure kids, confident in new situations, eager to explore as they grow.

The way fathers play with kids is physical. It's characterized by more arousal and excitement and unpredictability. Mothers, on the other hand, are more modulated. Mothers worry all the time about their kid's safety and their kid's feelings and not being hurt and getting a boo-boo. When a kid falls down, mom is there in a second going, poor baby, let me kiss the boo-boo. Kid falls down in front of dad and he sits there and waits a bit.

Then comes over to his kid and says, anything broken? No. You bleeding? No. And get up and keep playing.

Fathers are more likely to encourage their children to overcome obstacles, to talk to strangers, and to go into the deep end of the swimming pool. They push them to push themselves through life. The polarity between mommy and daddy together is very important for the psychological development, educational development, and social development of children. That's why I think people who purposely have children without being married are doing their kids a huge disservice.

Because I'm a movie buff, and with Father's Day coming up, I thought I'd highlight a few movies that do a nice job of illustrating the impact of involved fathers. There have been many good movies about the important roles dad play in their kids' lives over the years. Yeah, and lots of bad ones, too. Some that make dads look like total incompetent boobs.

I'm talking today about the ones that show how kids benefit from having strong, loving father in their home. I don't know if you all have seen or remember a movie called Boys in the Hood. B-O-Y-Z-N, The Hood. Boys in the Hood. Lawrence Fishburne plays Jason Furious Stiles. This is a violent neighborhood, South Central. Most fathers aren't even around.

They named him Furious because he's a fierce defender of his son, protecting him, teaching him how to believe in himself. This is what dad tells his kid. Any fool can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children. So the guidance, the attention, and the example his kid receives from his father, what keeps him safe when all his homeboys get caught up in a tragic, deadly cycle of drugs and violence.

fishburne plays a fabulous dad obviously quite courageous considering the neighborhood and what he's teaching his presence and dignity create an indelible portrayal of a father on it on it on it in a very masculine way now in a not so masculine way half another movie with dustin hoffman called kramer vs kramer and the plot is he's married they have a kid cute and adorable of course

And wife decides, nah, I don't want to do this anymore, and leaves. And you know Dustin Hoffman, sort of an ebbishy guy, not too tuned in, doesn't even know how to make flapjacks, has to be a full-time dad. And at first, not happy about it. Then they end up in court when she wants the kid back. Billy has a home with me. I made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience, and I forget that he's...

He's a little kid. I'm there. I get up in the morning, and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me. And then we go to school, and at night we have dinner together. And we talk in, and I read to him, and we built a life together, and we love each other. And he learns to be a dad. And there are just such touching scenes. They made me cry.

touching scenes of them talking and trying to cook things and hanging out, not even talking sometimes, but being there with each other, just getting very familiar and getting in their lovely routine and being very close. Then Meryl Streep comes in and says, oh, well, change my mind. Some years later, change my mind. I want the kid. Screw you. They go to court. Guess what? She gets the kid. She should have gotten a slap across her head, but no, she gets the kid.

Well, the kid and the dad are beyond devastated. But fortunately, it's saved in the last scene where even though she won and well, there's a court scene where his attorney tries to make her look really like crap and he stops his attorney. He's not an evil man and he's not going to do evil to get his kid. And in the last scene, she gives him the child to raise and she'll visit. So at least that. Then we go on to...

Will Smith, who made a movie with his real-life kid about supposedly a real person, a devoted single dad who went from homelessness to a career as a stockbroker. The movie was called The Pursuit of Happiness, H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S. He was deserted by his wife. He only has two things going for him, poor Will Smith, playing Chris Gardner. He's dedicated to his kid, even though they have to sleep in bathrooms and tunnels.

and his unquenchable determination to do whatever it is necessary to make the best possible life for the two of them. Now Smith... You gotta dream. You gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves. They want to tell you, you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period. And it is a real good portrait of a guy who does whatever it takes to take care of his kid and to teach his kid something, as opposed to just dropping out, going on drugs.

It's wonderful. Then there's a Japanese movie with one of my favorite actors, Ken Takakura. And the movie translated into English is called Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles. You have to find it and rent it.

He plays a Japanese father who shows his love for his estranged son by completing the son's final project, a film version of a Chinese opera, even though he knows absolutely nothing about filming, absolutely nothing about China or opera. We never find out why his dying son refuses to see dad. Dad may not even know, but he finds out that his son had promised to return to China to make a movie about an opera called Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles.

and he has all kinds of adventures with an inept interpreter, the opera star who has to be released from prison so he can perform, and a little boy from a remote village. It all illuminates the many facets of being a dad. Very, very touching, and I'm a huge fan of that actor. Then some people think Sam Baldwin, the dad played by Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, the wife, mother, has died.

Tom is committed to being a positive and caring father for the son, Jonah. And Hank's, again, one of those incredible actors like Will Smith, particularly good at showing us how Sam's love for the kid sustains him, makes him miss his wife even more because every moment reminds him of how much he wishes she could share his pride or supply some guidance. The kid is trying to find a wife for dad. And there's a scene where

hanks arrives at the top of the empire state building in search of his kid who has flown to new york from seattle in search of a woman he thinks might be right for his dad the relief and desperation on hanks face as he asks himself more than jonah whether they haven't been doing all right is something every father can understand and then to get an attack of cute albert brooks was the voice of marlin in finding nemo

Are you sure you want to go to school this year? Because there's no problem if you don't. You can wait five or six years. Come on, Dad. It's for school. Uh-uh-uh. Forgot to brush? Do you want this anemone to sting you? Yes. Brush. Okay, I'm done. Up. You missed a spot. Where? There. Right there. And here and here. Dad is a very loving and, as you can see, very overprotective clownfish. And he's left to search the entire ocean to find his lost son.

Nemo, the little kid fish, has a disability, which Dad has taught him to call his Lucky Finn. This shows us that at some level, even before he's aware of it himself, he wants to teach his son to be strong, confident, and independent. So it's a wonderful journey. It's adventure and discovery, grand sweep of ocean vastness, and the smallest longing of the heart. But it's a concerned and loving dad. One of the best demos to me of...

a dad with um dignity and you can respect and admire and trust was atticus finch in to kill a mockingbird played by gregory peck who was probably one of the greatest actors of all time plays a small-town lawyer he's not the kind of father to spend all afternoon playing catch or dress up he does not spend his time telling the children how wonderful they are or how much he loves them his children learn from other people about his integrity

and when they see how far he will go to keep them safe, and how far he will go to protect an innocent. "Gerrit, that motivated her. She's committed no crime. She has merely broken a rigid and time-honored code of our society. A code so severe that whoever breaks it is hounded from our midst, is unfit to live with. She must destroy the evidence of her offense."

But what was the evidence of her offense? Tom Robinson. This takes place in the boonies in a small town, and this white girl fell for a black guy and then accused him of rape. And he didn't rape her. She was coming on to him. Anyway, how far Atticus Finch would go to defend right and wrong, to protect his children from what was going on in the town, to protect those who were also handicapped in some way or another. The last line of the movie says it all.

He turned out the light and went into the daughter's room. He would be there all night, and he would be there when she woke up in the morning. He was steadfast, somebody they could count on. Not the mushy type. Now, some of my peeps said, hands down, it has to be Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. She looks up to you. You're her oracle. You're her hero.

And then the day comes when she gets her first permanent wave and goes to her first real party. And from that day on, you're in a constant state of panic. If the boys swarm around, you're in a panic for fear she'll marry one of them. They don't swarm around. Of course, you're in another kind of a panic and you wonder what's the matter with her. That one had a lot of humor in it. If you haven't seen the original, the original is the best.

Happy Father's Day, and I want you guys to realize, even if you're not hearing it from the people around you, you are very important to your kids. Be the dad. And I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Deeper.

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I write about this in my book, Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids. Men, don't make the stupid mistake of being absent from your child's life. Women, don't make the mistake of making babies with a man you can't count on to be a good husband and father.

By the way, I'm just a phone call away. If you want any help avoiding or repairing stupid mistakes, call me at 1-800-DR-LAURA or go to drlaura.com to make an appointment to speak with me. Now, go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Whole Almonds makes for a wholly amazing, wholly delicious experience that's, well, wholly Hershey's. Everyone should get to experience the satisfying surprise of a whole almond tucked inside creamy Hershey's chocolate. So don't wait your whole life to try Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Whole Almonds. And if you've already had it, then chances are you're already a lifelong fan of this confectionery delight. Find Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Whole Almonds wherever candy is sold.