Episode 283: Balancing Our Priorities
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This episode of A Delectable Education is brought to you by Charlotte Mason Simple Languages. Do you want your children to have meaningful conversations in a foreign language? Charlotte Mason Simple Languages can help you accomplish that goal, even if you don't speak the language yourself.

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Welcome to A Delectable Education, the podcast that spreads the feast of the Charlotte Mason Method. I'm Emily Kaiser, and I'm here with Liz Cattrall, her mom, and Nicole Williams. Before we get started today, I want to thank our season-long sponsor, Living Book Press, for their generous support of our podcast, Making the Season Possible.

Anthony at Living Book Press has done a fantastic job reprinting Charlotte Mason's own six-volume home education series that you can get them in paperback in two different styles. This is what I got for my husband when he was doing the men's idol challenge because all of the other versions were pink or had flowers on them. And Anthony has some very innocuous or masculine-leaning versions.

edition. So there you can choose from different styles. There are some that have flowers on them. You can also get them in hardcover in your choice of color even. And recently, he commissioned a professional voice actress to record and she's British, by the way, record Charlotte Mason's entire series on audio and those are also available. Please visit livingbookpress.com slash delectable to receive 10% off your order.

- Today we begin our new series, Finding Balance in the Charlotte Mason Method. Balance has always been hard for me. Generally, I push really, really hard

And then I completely burn myself out. And then I have to take time away to recover. But unfortunately, that means taking time away from all the things. So I just... Which makes you have to go, go, go, go, go when you pick it back up again. So I'm 51 years old now. And I feel like I'm just starting to find a little more balance in my life. But I don't want any of you to think that we're picking on you. Because I have so been there.

Um...

One of the things we're going to talk about this season is balancing our priorities as homeschool parents. After all, we are the manager of our homes and the people in them. We run the place. We make the menu and the meals. We clean. We arrange entertainment. We make appointments and taxi our kids to them. And we keep the peace and we educate the kids. Today, I want to focus on that last part, that balancing our school mornings. Mm-hmm.

When I began homeschooling, it was just my, I mean, I had three kids, but only one of them was in school. And I remember Monday mornings being particularly hard. Usually, you know, my husband was home over the weekend. We do a few activities. We just lost all scope of our routines, basically. And then Monday morning, he'd leave for work and my house, it just felt wrecked. And I

my family, people would just show up at random times and stuff. So I'd be embarrassed. I wouldn't want my house to look like that. And I'd start cleaning it up. But then pretty soon I'm making lunch for the kids. And I'm telling my second grade son, I think we're going to miss school today because I'd be worn out. I was just totally worn out. And so that happened for a while until my mom asked me to homeschool three of my siblings. And I realized if I didn't do school,

in a timely way, like they get there at nine, we start school at nine, I was going to have six and then later seven kids running through my house, there was the best was going to be exponentially worse. You would be it would be an exercise in futility. Exactly right. So I really got forced into making that school morning a priority. And, and one note that I want to say about this is that

I had been running my home and raising my kids for a long time. And now I had this one child who was doing school. In a way, that felt like the outlier. That didn't feel like, you know, like that was my whole mission in life. Because it's just one kid. Right. And it was like, I'd been doing all the things for a long time at that point. So it really took a change in my thinking to get me there.

I will say, though, after that happened, things ran so much more smoothly and everything got done. There wasn't actually a problem getting the things done. I just needed to shift when I did things. So. Mm hmm.

You had to learn some things. Yes, for sure. I think that that extreme of basically ignoring the responsibility that you have or the priority to do school, that's one extreme and not balanced, right, is what you're saying. Right. You thought of cooking and cleaning your house and keeping everyone alive as your role, and none of those things went away. Right. So it's not like...

those are not good priorities. It's just now we're taking on the responsibility of educating our child. And that has to be a top priority, at least even with the other things. And I think that's really the problem is that we don't see the importance of that. Like if we're homeschooling our kids, we are taking on a new role that we're

we would outsource if they went someplace else. And we're saying, well, we'll add that to what we're doing. But we almost need to change our thinking from we will just add that to all the things. You know, we've been teaching them all this time to like, okay, now I'm going to have to set aside time to actively do this every single day. Mm-hmm.

You know, when I first started, well, I've had a lot of different phases of homeschooling. A lot of first starts. Yes. And there were times when we had a home business and there were crises and

I guess what I'm getting around to, I've been thinking about this a lot the last few months in doing consults with moms and having conversations with them. And I think that the problem is if our children have to be at the bus stop at 735, we get them there even if we're in our pajamas, you know, um,

And when I had my business, you know, I had to sometimes leave the house at 8 o'clock and I was supposed to be back by 9. But sometimes things would happen and I wouldn't make it back and so school would get late. But I feel like when we homeschool, we feel like because we don't have to

be at a bus stop or, you know, our children are not going to be late for school. That we can just push things around ourselves and do things when we want as if we have a different clock from the rest of society. And I don't feel in the, you know, in retrospect and reflecting on many years of having that attitude myself that

what would happen is we might get to school by 1030 or 11 in the morning, or maybe I'd be like Nicole and just saying, well, I guess it's not happening today. And really, we have the same responsibility to consistently educate our kids, whether we're at home or not, or whatever's going on. And sure, there are crisis days.

There are crisis days when they go elsewhere to school, too, that they don't make it to school. But those are the exceptions. Yeah, we don't have a different responsibility. And yes, it takes less time. But somehow we think that we can therefore compact even three hours of education into 30 minutes or something. I hear a lot of.

that this is why people choose to homeschool. It's a benefit. We can pick our schedule and we can do whatever. But I also see...

it actually getting crowded out or instead of the crises being the exception, they become the rule and it is more and more inconsistency. And I think we just need to keep in mind that we have a very limited, I'm, I'm halfway through educating one of my children and I feel like I just started yesterday, you know? Um,

Truly, it feels like last year that I just started and I realized I am halfway through. Next year I will be planning his high school track. And we just have this finite period of time with them and we owe it to them is the thing. So that's what's at stake is it's not a big deal if we don't do math one day or something happens. I remember...

When we had during my son's first and second year of school, we had a foster placement of a child with medical needs and he requires surgeries, multiple surgeries and doctor's appointments and

With his condition, I couldn't just say, oh, that doesn't work for us or we can't do this at this time. You have to take in therapies and things like that. Those things had to take precedence. But I couldn't lose sight of this is the only time my son is going to be in first and second grade. And there's a lot of foundational stuff. And sometimes it meant dad did school while I was at the hospital. Sometimes it meant we did lessons on Saturday if I had a surgery scheduled during the week.

But I think that has communicated that school is an important thing and they know they need to do it. It's also training them in their own routine and consistency, which we know from many studies that children thrive on routine. Right. And that it's actually disrupting a lot of their stability and which absolutely.

impedes their ability to learn if we're jerking that around all of the time and saying oh maybe we'll get to it maybe we won't and I think they're very smart little humans who learn how to exploit very easily oh you know there's something that's having moms distracted I'm just gonna scoot away and do what I want to do and not come back to school exactly and I think with that goes the idea that well I'll just pack in more tomorrow you know so we're kind of shoving

you know, we're denying our kids one day and then trying to compensate, overcompensate. Right. So that's, I think we're going to talk about some extremes and we're going to talk about a middle way and just don't hear us saying that.

If you ever have a Monday that starts on the rocks, you know, that you're falling off to the extreme. We all know many days, like, you know, the time my daughter stuck her bead up her nose and we had to take five small children to the urgent care. Or the urgent split eyebrow incident. Oh, yes. Okay. So before we talk too much about that middle way, I just want to point out that there is another extreme. I think that we, the three of us,

kind of tend towards this extreme because we have so full of lives and we have things pulling us away. We, we have a business and we, we,

have the children and lives. I mean, I just feel like a lot of people that that's probably the way they air, but we do hear from people who air the other direction. Yeah. And, and I don't know that this is a purposeful, like this is not a moral, you know, I'm not saying you air this way and you're bad this way, but our society encourages some of this. Even our Charlotte Mason community encourages some of this other extreme, which is to, to,

like lay in so much work that our children need to accomplish in a day, in a week, that school starts to inflate across our day and not leave time to do the other things that must be done. The play time that the children must have to process these books they're reading, the time we need to take care of our home and our spouse and our, you know, feed everybody and all of that stuff. There is room for both of these things.

And that other side is a problem also. Yeah, actually, I do think I can err in this. And I think a lot of moms who like to check all the boxes can err to this extreme of being too inflexible. Like, no, it is school time. And it's, I mean, my daughter split her eyebrow open and I was like, do we have to?

go to the ER. Actually, we did. Just a half hour drive for her. But our school day did start later that day. And so when I got to school, I had a look at, we did Bible, which is our first thing. And then I looked at the clock and said, where would we be? And that's where we jumped to in our timetable. But anyway,

I know a lot of people, they would get to school late and they would still do all of the things. Or there's also the moms struggling to teach multiple students. Maybe you don't have strong readers and they're like, I have to work one-on-one with each student. And so some students are doing...

well into the afternoon when they really do need a break versus having just that confined morning hour. So I think this is a common extreme, even though it may seem anathema to some of us that we would do that. For the last...

plus of my last year, we were preparing and hoping to sell our home and thought we did. And I was packing and we had multiple showings that I had during school hours, you know, and we live out in the country. It's a very unique property. So you can't just say reschedule for, you know, a more convenient time. I felt like I had to take whoever would come and see it when they would be able to do that. And

And so there were days that we had to miss and I had to be okay with that. And as I got towards the end of my term, I'm realizing, you know what? Okay, we are just not going to get to this thing and that I have to be okay with that. But it hurts me a little bit, you

little bit, you know, I want to have all of it nice and nice and tidy. And we do see people with that where, oh, I guess we've got to go into the summer because we didn't get that read. Or my kid didn't get as far as I thought they should. And so I'm going to make them do math or reading or whatever it is over the summer. Yeah. When they need that break, there is a reason for that. You need that break. Come on. That's so true. Yeah. Um, one

the places we saw this originally was when we first were looking at charlotte mason's timetable and she had a six day week and we were like well if we shifted around for our five day week

My very first thought was take all those Saturday things and just pile them on top of the other days of the week. Right. Before I understood that was not okay because there are other things the child needs to do in the day. And she's very clear about specific maximum amounts of time per age. Right. Yeah. My kids are ready to be done when we get to those. And I would say, and I think we've proved this at this point, but...

I've been saying it for probably 10 years, is if we follow her schedule and we were to take one of her old programs and assign the exact work that she assigned for a term, we would have no problem getting it done in our five-day schedule, in the 11 weeks before the exams, and maybe even sooner. And we know that's true because- Oh, that's actually what I do. Right, and that's in the end what I did too, was I didn't even schedule it out.

For the whole time. Yeah. I have taken the wisdom of several people who've gone before me and actually forecast the work over only 10 weeks of the term instead of 11. That gives me five days that can go completely away from our schedule. We can be completely disrupted or crises. And I used every single one of those five days this last term. With the moving thing. With the moving thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to just say that I think a lot of this begins before school even begins. We see all the deficits or lacks that we have not included and we just start buying things over the summer or, you know, talking to friends, getting online, looking at different things.

offerings out there and everything looks good and we buy everything and we have stacks of materials and then I remember feeling so guilty because you know halfway through the year I would be cleaning a shelf off and go oh my gosh I haven't even unwrapped this particular curriculum thing I bought I haven't used this and then I would feel guilty about the money I spent or you

The fact that I wasn't putting it in and just putting so much. And I one time bought a box curriculum one time a long time ago.

Also had a crisis period of your life. Yeah, and I thought it would help me. But my nine-year-old was at the table doing schoolwork from nine until four. I did let her have lunch in there, but so much work, so much work. And it was a supposedly Charlotte Mason curriculum, which I had bought into at that point. But I remember...

Looking at the clock and saying to her, oh, my goodness, it's four o'clock. I've got to start dinner. And she's like, am I slow, mama? And I was just pierced to the heart. Like, no, you're not. I think I am making you do too much work. But anyway, just trying to cram more than is even needed. And our children do better with less food.

As long as it's quality. And we, you know, like Emily said, when two and a half hours is done for a seven year old, they're done. You're pretty much wasting, spinning your wheels if you keep going with them. Right.

I think it's clear that for our listeners, homeschooling your children is a priority. And I suspect that you have sacrificed something in order to make it a priority. I mean, lots of us have a single income. Sometimes the financial aspect is hard. Maybe you gave up a job that you loved. We've

I feel like all of us. Or maybe you part-time work and have to make very hard choices of staying up earlier, getting up really early or staying up late. Yeah. So I feel like everybody has had to do something to make it possible, which only proves your commitment. I do believe that. But still, we have to find a balance in it, which means we must do it consistently and we must not let it mush out into the rest of the day. That's the technical term. Mush out. Push out. Push out.

I say leak. Morning school has to be confined to those hours. To morning school, right. There is an example I want to point out here. Charlotte Mason is known for her short lessons. And I feel like

In part, this is because she knew that this little and often is the best way for our kids to learn. And ourselves. Very much so. So in my recitation workshop, I share that in form one, they have this 10 minutes, four times a week. And in form two, they do their recitation. Again, 10 minutes.

five times a week and then informs, Oh, that's informs two and three. And then once they start high school, they're just doing that in their own, their own, their own, in their occupation time. But in those little 10 minute lessons, they learn 50 hymns, 36 Psalms. That's almost a quarter of them, 72 passages of scripture, or just over a thousand verses of

and either 18 scenes of Shakespeare or almost 2000 lines of poetry or some combination of those two. It is just jaw dropping how much they learn in those little 10 minute lessons every day.

- More is not always more. - Right. - No, it's enough. - And I think it is incredible. I mean, it literally gives me chill bumps to think about this, that little bit every day and what the accumulation of knowledge that our kids have. And that is the case for all of their subjects. But if we aren't consistent, if we aren't doing those 10 minute lessons, but oh, maybe we do it twice a week,

then we're cutting out half of that accumulation of knowledge that they have available to them. You know, I think another thing that is at risk here, if we don't make it a priority and stick to that time, we are going to drop things off of the feast. And sometimes that's because we're not prepared. Sometimes it's because we can't figure out how to do it all. Someone asked my new Form 2A son, who had just started these next three subjects I'm going to list,

this fall what his favorite subjects in school were. And he said his three new things, Plutarch, Latin, and practical geometry. Would I ever have thought I needed to prioritize any one of those subjects, even for this child? I would have not thought. And he loves and finds joy and delight in them, their knowledge due to him, right? And if we aren't prioritizing to carve out that time,

as pretty sacred, you know, nothing but true emergencies disrupt our morning lessons, then we don't know what we're missing. We don't know what joy our child is not getting to experience because we have to cut something out. And we're teaching them a lot. Whichever extreme we go to, whether we are lackadaisical and we don't get anything accomplished or we try to accomplish what only Hercules could, we are destroying their enthusiasm for learning.

they will accomplish more and have more lasting results. If we use those short lessons and just have good quality things that we're doing in that little bit of time, I mean, we can just err either taking it too easy or being overzealous, whether it's time-wise or material-wise, just cramming or doing too little.

And when you're saying that, I'm hearing you say that the kids, too, they don't know what to expect from us when we're doing that. And they're looking to us to guide and direct. If they are doing that 10-minute or 30-minute lesson every day, just chug, chug, chug, chug a lot, they know exactly what to expect. And they can apply themselves in that way also. So I think we need to keep lessons to themselves.

the overall time that Charlotte Mason said, you know, her short lessons, I often hear, well, those got longer for older students. Yeah, but not a lot longer. And they still did have some 10 to 20 minute lessons, even in form six, the highest form. And their max lesson was 40 or 45 minutes, you know? So, and, and so two and a half hours to perform one was the maximum three hours maximum for form two.

Three and a half for form three and four for forms for high school, four hours of school. You know, that might not always happen in the morning entirely, depending on when you get started. But there needs to be a dedicated time that we put those on. We need to keep our lessons short. We need to be consistent about them. And we need to create a timetable that includes the whole feast or we are not presenting the full feast of knowledge that is due to our children. And they...

They deserve that. We all love to know the end of the job, you know, right? We love that feeling. I look forward to the end of school, guys. Well, I remember I loved school when I was a kid. I was very cheerful and happy to go most of the time. But when that last bell rang every day, woohoo, I was out of there. I was ready to be gone. And our kids need that same joy. Yeah.

I also, we're going to talk about afternoons and that kind of stuff another day. But I just want to point out that if we do a little better with systemizing the outside of school things, then we can get those things accomplished better and not feel like they've got to encroach. You know, we all made meal plans. We had lunches.

But to stick to, we prepped meals in advance. You do that even more fervently now with doing it just on term breaks so that you don't have to do that at all during school. Liz taught me probably 15 years ago, try to make your appointments on one or two days of the week so that if somebody wants to make an appointment, you're like, yep, I've got Wednesday afternoon. Oh, that won't work. Well, as a backup, I could do Thursday afternoons, but that's it. We don't just...

We don't keep that, oh, I'm so flexible and it's easy to get into the dentist at 11 o'clock in the morning. No, but we have our school time too. So that's important also. And, you know, when I had my oldest in first grade and second grade and had four younger than him in the house, it was very chaotic. You know, I have pictures of one of my toddlers sitting on the end of the table and not just

to the detriment of their safety, but I could tune out a lot. Me, who normally does not like any clutter around, I just knew this is what it takes to get school done at this time. But I knew as soon as we were done, we were picking everything up and then we would have lunch and it was okay. You know, I could ignore everything for two and a half hours.

And they weren't getting into so much, you know, trouble most of the time. But that was an expected routine. School's over. We're going to pick up. We're going to have lunch. And everybody knew it. And you were training those little kids in that way for what was going to become for them later. And that had been a habit that we did before we did school. We always picked up.

whatever we'd been playing with before lunch. And I've used meals and we do the same thing for dinner, you know, and we do the same thing for bed. I don't wake up to a dirty house, you know, or cluttered, however I want to say. Yeah. It might be more or less dirty, but things are picked up. So all of this is how we guard ourselves.

staying in the middle, not going off to either of these extremes, right? Staying balanced. Yes, the balance, which when you're trying to balance on a ball or a balancing bar, you know the importance of not falling on either side. But I just want to remind one way that I have found that we just need to have a whole year perspective. And one of the ways we can guard

the middle way is to remember that we have 16 weeks, almost a third of our year in which we're not teaching and we can iron out problems and do our learning and our preparation during that time. And that will help the school along with life,

Stay balanced. Yeah, and I think also helping to know sometimes there is a season that is just impossible, like this season of moving that I've been in. And one thing that went out the window primarily or most of the time were afternoon occupations. That is when I had to, and if I was going to keep school lessons consistent, we had to let go of some of the extra stuff for a term. And I just had to come to grips with that. And I think my children will not be

damaged permanently because for one and we still met with our nature club so they were still getting some nature study and we just were not doing the extra stuff that we did and my son still wove a footstool

And there was some painting that happened, you know, because they've had those habits. But I could not be investing in that, overseeing and directing it nearly to the level that I normally do because that is what I had to. So there always will be seasons. But I think that the key thing is recognizing, is this a season or is this...

a new normal, you know, like in, in when is what seems like a season is not actually ending and how can we adjust? Yeah. Or is this a season or is this just a bad habit? Like I, you know, and then also with the season, like what Liz was saying, um,

Is there a season for when I can do more with my church or with the elderly in my neighborhood? You know, is there a season like on breaks? This is another reason why these breaks are really important is there are there's a season for some of the other things that we kind of don't have time for. So lessons also not just keeping them to their hours, but lessons.

keeping to the terms and having a term end. Right. And not just get pushed off indefinitely. Like you said, I meal prep during my terms. And so I'm not. Yeah. During my term breaks. Yeah.

And so the same goes with house projects, you know, or major organizing things. I'm like, oh, gosh, that closet. I will put that closet out of my mind as much as I can. It's constant annoyance every time I open it. But I know I'm going to pull everything out of there and redo it when we get to term break.

Yeah. So that's kind of how I've had to. And as I mentioned before, just forecasting 10 weeks of lessons gives me five days that I know we can do field trips or we can take those as sick days or somebody doesn't.

does need a surgery or you know something like that happens yeah or just like Charlotte Mason said sometimes mom just needs a day off everybody yeah right and have a oh like we've done that with two of my kids have birthdays during terms and sometimes not all the time but sometimes if we if I see oh we still have some days that we've not used up we'll take a birthday day and just do a fun trip so yeah

Charlotte Mason talks a lot about habits and not just habits for habit's sake, but habits because they help us live a good life. They take away some of that decision fatigue. And I think that is what we're after here in this balancing of our priorities with our consistency. She said,

In her fourth volume, actually, she wrote this to students to learn. And I think we can help model this for them as we consider these things. She said, this is a delightful thing to remember. Every time we do a thing helps to form the habit of doing it. And to do a thing 100 times without missing a chance makes the rest easy.

She also talks about the timetable as being, and this is why you will hear us talk about the timetable all of the time. We even have a whole episode on the timetable I will link in the show notes. But the purpose of that was not just so we can get all of the wide feast in, although of course that does it. There was an underlying character formation going on with the timetable. And that was that the child learns that one time is not as good as another.

that there is no right time left for what is not done in its own time. And I think that is a word that we moms need to hear too. Absolutely.

So as we wrap up, I just want to acknowledge that this may take some time for you as it did for me. I'm not, you know, a super quick learner about these things. And I just got to tell one last story about five years after I started homeschooling my siblings. So I was, I was really learning about time. Liz and I were digging into the schedule. We had done a lot.

But I was in a circle of other homeschool, Charlotte Mason homeschool moms at a conference. And I said, you know, I don't think we should like do laundry during school. Like we should probably just do school during school. And you should have seen looks on the faces. Revolt. Of the people. Now this is years after, like five years after I was homeschooling my siblings. So I'm still learning is my point. Right.

- It was a new thought to you at that moment. - It was a new thought to me and the looks on the faces of these people were like, you've lost it. You're totally obsessed with this, the whole schooling thing, you know? When else would we do it? And so I just wanted you to know that it has taken me a lot of time. It took me a lot of time and it may you, but I think if we keep this in the forefront of our mind,

And we place some boundaries on ourselves like, okay, I'm not going to do laundry during school, that kind of thing.

I feel like every year we're just going to get better and better at these things. And, you know, we're going to figure out the food situation and we're going to figure out what's the best time to shop and, you know, it just, it takes time. And then you think you have it figured out and something else comes in. Right. But we don't want people to think that they have all the time in the world just because we thought we did like learn from our mistakes. And you guys want to know a confession. I actually do do laundry during school.

I start a load, probably the last thing before we sit down. And when school is over, I change it. So my washing machine is doing the laundry during school. Yeah. And sometimes if everybody's on play break and I am not rushing to get something prepped for the next thing, I might change it during that time. But I'm not interrupting any lessons to do it.

Yeah, you guys don't know that whole play break thing. I remember when I discovered Play Great. I used to get a whole lot done in those 15 minutes. Oh, man, it's the best thing that ever happened to me during school. With multiple students, I don't always have, sometimes the play break has to be used for split up. But those days when I do get it, oh, yeah, it's great. It's great.

Well, I hope this is inspiring to you guys. And helps you evaluate your, am I falling off one side or the other? And how do I bring it back to the center? Because we all have a tendency to go one way or the other. And sometimes both. Right. Maybe we go from one extreme to the next. We're like a pendulum. Yeah. So, well, thank you all for listening this season. We will continue to explore this idea of balance and finding balance in all

all kinds of aspects, not just our schooling. But sometimes the things that are more pressing is how to find balance and all the other stuff that we need to be doing. So we will get to those topics. We'd love to hear from you. If you have any comments to leave us on this episode, head to intellectualeducation.com and it will be right there on the top of the page. Or you can find it if you're listening to this far in the future, you will find it on our episodes by topics page.

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