175. The Strength Born from Daughters of Divorce – Hard Work, Success, and Managing Family Challenges
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You're listening to the Professional Goddess Podcast, a place for sluts who like to make money. I'm your host, Anna D, aka The Professional Goddess. On my show, we embrace the uncensored stories of being a self-made sludgepreneur. As a stripper turned CEO, I reveal all my juicy trade secrets and share interviews with other female bosses who capitalize on their entire existence.

from breaking stigmas in the female business world to challenging norms in the adult industry. We'll tackle it all in six inch stilettos, of course. Now it's time to dive deep into the journey of self-empowerment, owning our sexuality. And by each episode, we will earn our PhDs in CE poetry. I'm honored to have you here and it's my privilege to kickstart the show.

Welcome back. Today's episode might be emotional as fuck for me, but I'm going to keep my shit together, you guys. Because diving into how being a child of divorce shapes your whole fucking life. And just when you think you have your shit together, just when you think you have healed, baby...

The universe drops a hurdle for you to fucking backflip over, okay? And being a child of divorce has shaped my work ethic. It's hugely contributed to my success and the continuous drive to prove people wrong and the drive to not want to have to work three jobs like my mom did.

all the shit. But today we're going to explore those challenges that arise from growing up in a broken family and how these experiences can fuel your drive, how the emotional complexities linger into adulthood, baby. I've just recently had to cut off

two motherfuckers in the family and I'm not happy about it because I've been working hard y'all I've been working so hard to keep these relationships flourishing and y'all know me y'all know my heart y'all know I try y'all know I'm gracious y'all know I'm a people pleaser y'all know I will give the shirt off my back I'm

I will lend someone money. I will do the damn thing to make damn sure people feel loved. You know, I pick up animals off the side of the road. Like I am all about helping the battered and confused, but damn, when someone treats my kindness for weakness or disrespects me after I've done nothing but love them and mmm,

Sometimes you got to learn. You got to say, what's the lesson in this? And I've experienced that this week.

You know, I thought I would, let me say this. When you're healed, you can sleep at night, right? And when this shit happens, when the imbalance of family and brokenness just kind of triggers all the stress and trauma you had as a child, when the conversations resemble similarities from when you were 12 years old, begging for your mom or dad not to leave.

Or start a new family and care for your step sisters and brothers more than they did for you. It hurts, man. It fucking hurts. Just when you think you got it together. Oh, man. And I was like, damn, I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to cut you off. I don't want to. But you haven't changed. You aren't actively trying to be better anymore.

And damn, you're just fucking trauma dumping all over me. You're spewing all the hatred you have for the other parent onto me. You are burdening me. Like all this shit's been going on this week for me. And I made a TikTok. I'm going to play it for you so you can, because the comment section is what got me interested in creating or recording this episode. How do you guys deal with

with going to Christmas and Thanksgiving when your parents are divorced. I am 30 years old and these people still can't figure out how to make this work. So when I take it upon myself to plan the holidays with both families, make everybody happy, how does it still just never work out?

How is it still the child's responsibility to make sure all the adults are pleased? I am so sick of this. I am this close to saying, everyone, I deserve peace for once in my life because year after year I am in this limbo of entanglement between both sides and I'm actually sick of it.

So, yeah, I was really upset about it and you guys left some crazy good comments in regards to how I was feeling. And some of you still deal with this and have created some really healthy boundaries. So in this episode, I want to share advice on managing the emotional toll, how to balance holiday schedules, and really importantly, how to regulate your emotions when someone steps out of your life. And what is that noise?

Oh my god. Y'all hear that? The whole house is shaking. I think that was a fucking plane. Jacksonville's close by, so sometimes there's army planes. But I haven't drank in six months, and...

Honestly, you guys, it's so much easier to regulate your emotions when you're not coping with something that's a depressant. So I'm just going to put that out there. I also can't smoke weed when I'm emotional because I get really like the problem starts to add a million exclamation points on it. But some of the comments on the TikTok say...

Um, someone said, it sounds like you just said I've spent 30 years juggling everyone's expectations in order to protect their feelings. Yet somehow my feelings are never considered. That changes this year. So I love that. Someone said, tell them they need to grow up because they're the parents. Don't parent your parents. And you know, I just feel like I've been a parent, like my childhood was being a parent, like my childhood was being a step-in spouse for both parents. Like, it's crazy. Like,

I always anticipate people's emotions because I never knew what I was going to walk in on as a child. Like I didn't know if mom was having a bad day, if dad was having a bad day and how I could anticipate their needs. So that didn't fuck up my day. You know what I mean? And I still do that with people. Like my partner has to be like, I'll be like, are you okay? And he's like, look, I'm so okay. Don't overanalyze me how you do your parents. I'm like, okay, thanks for reminding me. Someone said, let's see.

Put your own piece per for put your own piece first, protect your piece at all costs. Your holidays will thank you. And it sucks like holidays. Aren't they supposed to be fun? Like, are they just stressful for everyone? Because every holiday is a reminder of how I'm in like,

this entanglement of being pulled from one parent to the other or one parent being sad at home while we're at the others. Like that's what the holidays remind me of. So creating new traditions is obviously something to be said, but it's like, it still hurts every year. Cause you know, one parent is, you know, whatever. Someone said, figure out who the actual problems is or are plan everything without them, then tell them the plans and they can show up where they want or not at all. It's great advice.

Someone said, I stopped hosting and attending. At the end of the day, everyone is miserable, including me. So it's a waste of time for everyone. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never make them happy. So I just do what I want. You don't go to either until they value your company, time and effort. I just stopped talking to one side. My life has been 100% better since. It's not the child's responsibility to create these relationships. And that's the thing. With one of my parents, I didn't talk to them for hours.

I don't even know if it was like eight years, 10 years. I can't even remember now. I think I was like 17 to 24, 25, maybe 27. I don't know. It's all a blur. But like, I was so sad and depressed without, I felt like I was without that relationship in my life that I actually drove down to his house four hours away, knocked on their door, asked if we could start over. And the past two, three years have been fantastic. Like we've built this really, really,

fulfilling relationship. And to see them like go back to their old ways has just been like really disappointing, really eye opening. And I think you can't put a price on perspective. So I'm just like, damn, now I got to practice boundaries again. Damn, like I thought we found common ground. And I want to say this at the beginning, just so that majority of people hear it. But you are allowed to tell someone that, um,

You were allowed to say, hey, you're not invited. The closest you're going to get to me is through the phone. The closest you're going to get to me is at the end of a phone call right now. I love you. Call me if you need me. I'll be here. The door's shut, but it's not locked. So that's something I've been trying to visualize as a boundary lately.

Let's jump into some of the good things of how divorce shapes work ethic and drive. Children of divorce often take on more responsibility early in life, whether it's emotionally supporting a parent or learning independence at a young age. This can translate into a strong work ethic and ability to tackle challenges head on in adulthood.

And it's true. I think children who have it easy get things handed to them when life smacks them in the face. It's a lot harder. And I mean, this is exactly why I started I mean, I was I started selling stuff on eBay when I was 16. I was trying to get emancipated baby like I was trying to get out of this life. So the responsibility thing is huge. I mean, I got my

driver's permit at 14. I had three jobs by 15. I was, I knew if I had money, I'd be financially free and I could get out on my own, but they don't tell you when you have money and happiness as a kid, your parents start to get jealous of you. Like how weird is it when your parents ask you for money? Shit's so fucking weird. So survival mode that many children of divorce develop leads to self-sufficient goal driven mindset.

And I think that's why I busted my ass for so hard. I mean, by the time I was 21, I had made a million dollars in a year because I was literally constantly in survival mode. Like what if the business fails? I got to work even harder. So then I made like three to five more businesses because I was just, I never felt like it was enough. And I never wanted to be in a place where I had to rely on a man for money because I saw how it left my mom. Let me tell you about my experience with Shopify. Okay.

Before I made the switch, my business operations were really scattered. I was constantly juggling different tools and it was just madness trying to manage everything. It was so time consuming. But since I started using Shopify, it's been a complete game changer. I manage multiple businesses and what I love most about Shopify is how streamlined it makes my entire process.

I can literally bounce between my stores on my dashboard. And from setting up my store to the powerful checkout system and all the customizations they offer, Shopify gives me everything I need to keep my business running so smoothly. It's just so easy now to focus on growing instead of focusing on managing so much. So upgrade your business and get the same checkout that I use with Shopify.

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash slutchpreneur, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash slutchpreneur to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com slash slutrepreneur. Now back to the show.

Now, a personal antidote or statistics on children of divorce excelling in their careers is due to their adaptability and resilience. Let's talk about the lingering emotional impact. So through divorce, it might have contribute to your strength and independence, but it could lead you being a workaholic. It could lead you to being depressed.

so like working so fucking hard that it drives you away from so many people in your life because for me I feel safe at work because I have control and I don't have to deal with anyone so I find myself like

If I get in an argument with someone, like, maybe I'll go just get some work done. And that's not really healthy coping skills. It can leave emotional scars that manifest later in life. Challenges like trust issues, difficulty forming close relationships, or feeling torn between family members are common. I mean, growing up, I always thought, like, whoever I'd be dating was cheating on me. Because that was the example that my dad left. You know, adultery. So I always assumed I should always be fucking terrified that I was going to get cheated on.

acknowledging the struggle of constantly managing the emotional load from family dynamics, even into adulthood. Like I feel the need to constantly check in on people to constantly like, be like, Hey, how are you doing? Like this anticipation of people's needs. And I'm like, is it for me or is it for them? So yeah, the challenges of a broken family situation, um,

Means missing out on family unity, the pressure to choose sides. I mean, dealing with unresolved conflicts. Cause like I said, even if you heal, sometimes other people don't like, I can't tell you how many family gatherings I've been to where people are fighting, throwing hands and people are crying and it just fucking sucks. I mean, I've never in my life so much wanted to start a family to do a complete redo and just love the hell out of my children and just show them, um,

all what love and life is made of, but at the same time, giving them their independence and not giving it easy to them, but just unconditional love and not leaving. Like those would be my two goals, like pretty simple setting boundaries for holiday schedules. So this is kind of the stress. I know it's November right now. Thanksgiving's coming up and the holidays can be stressful for children of divorced parents. You might feel torn between the two, like you always have. And

And as adults, it becomes even more important to set clear and healthy boundaries. And it can get scary as you get older because your parents get older and people start dying and it gets like serious. Like this time you have to spend with them, it's getting shorter. So this is how we're going to approach it. Communicating early.

Plan in advance to avoid last minute stress and make sure everyone knows your limits. And y'all, this was exactly what I did this year. I planned where Thanksgiving would be and how we were going to coordinate Christmas in August. And guess what? Everyone agreed until last week when one person wanted to pull some fuckery and

And just start drama and pick fights for no reason. They wanted to have their cake and eat it too. And I said, no, we already planned this. You already agreed. Oh my God. Like why? It was so, it was fine. And that's what, when I realized like what a huge red flag, like this person cannot handle everything being fine. So that's why I'm so pissed off.

Sticking to the decision. Once you decide on how to split the time or celebrate the holidays, don't let guilt sway you into over committing. And that's the thing. I set my boundaries so I'm not over committing. And y'all know what? I'm this close to like

backing up and not committing to the person that tried to fuck everything up it's not that I want to discipline them it's not that I want to um like not like what's it called I don't want to punish them for their bad behavior but I kind of do like I'm kind of pissed off and I realize this person has no empathy and I'm wondering like are they a narcissist like I don't know I kind of like

I feel like my blinders have prevented me from seeing the trees through the forest. Is that the saying? I'm this close to just booking my own little vacation for that specific holiday, y'all. That was some of the advice y'all gave me. I might just... Creating new traditions. It's okay to break away from old expectations and start your own holiday traditions that honor your personal space and peace of mind. So start something new. I think my dogs are agreeing with that.

All right, last segment is regulating emotions when someone steps out of your life. Most important, y'all. As children of divorce, you may have experienced abandonment, rejection from one parent or both, but this feeling can resurface and trigger from many current relationships, and especially when someone walks away in adulthood, or you have the anticipation that they might walk away. So here are some tips for regulating your emotions. You have to acknowledge your feelings.

Get out a journal, write it out, talk to a therapist, don't suppress them, phone a friend, call the parent you trust that makes you feel better, but recognize that it's okay to feel hurt, confused, or angry when someone leaves your life and make room for the people that have proven their loyalty to you. Lean on your support system. Don't isolate yourself during tough times. For me, as a child, I coped by isolation. So I revert to that a lot. Sometimes I need just like

an hour of just crying and releasing, but reaching out to friends or trusted family members who can provide emotional support. And sometimes I don't want people to give me advice. So I say before the conversation, like, look, I just need someone to listen and not give feedback. Are you, do you have the bandwidth to do that for me? That's really important in a conversation because sometimes people give you advice and you're like, I don't feel better. I don't want someone like patronizing me or telling me what to do. I just want to cry.

Sometimes I have to light candles, some incense, place a sound bath on YouTube, take a bath, take a walk, get some sunshine, drink some water. All of these things are very important to regulating your emotions. It's a self-care ritual. So engage in activities that ground you, help you process your emotions, exercise, journal, meditate, book a horse riding session, cuddle with your dog, whatever.

binge watch an old reality TV show that you love. And last but not least, seek closure. Sometimes closure isn't about receiving an explanation from the other person, but it's about finding peace within yourself. So for me, my closure for the fuckery that happened was seeking

setting the boundary and being as clear as I could saying I didn't want to be around this person and that the closest they're going to get to me is at the end of a phone because my existence is and should be valued and if you're not going to respect it I'm going to make room for people that fucking do

Being a child of divorce has likely made you stronger, more driven, but it's important to recognize the emotional complexities that come with it and may continue to come. But by setting boundaries, especially during family gatherings and learning how to regulate your emotions, like we discussed, when faced with loss, you can continue to thrive both personally and professionally. And the load remains, but the load might feel lighter.

And I remember running a business and having employees. I really treated them like my future kids because I just always wanted to love people unconditionally. And sometimes...

loving people too openheartedly can create more problems. Like I always thought I'd rather take the consequences and repercussions from having an open heart. But sometimes when you're a pushover and people walk over you and they steal from you and they try to get money from you and hurting your business, et cetera, it can backfire. So sometimes

setting those boundaries up front saying, hey, I'm a lover. I'm very agreeable. But if I notice you're asking to take too much time off or you are abusing the friendship we have or the boundaries I've set, I will let you go like this.

you know now I've learned to put people in place that set the bad news or I just hire virtually you know I feel like being a child of divorce has bled into a lot of my business ventures because I just want to love so openly and unconditionally and be the love that I never received and I think it's important to recognize that

So take a moment to reflect on your own family dynamics, how it shaped you, will continue to shape you. And this is an ongoing process. It's like a beautiful painting that just never stops and it keeps evolving. And it's okay to ask for help, whether professional or in your circle, in your community. I know that even like going to AA sometimes, even if

I mean, I don't know. Do people go to AA even if they're not alcoholics? I feel like going in a...

Group therapy is, can be a form that's super helpful for people. Like you may not even recognize how nice it is to talk shit about your problems and have people listen that are strangers and not like directly in your community or friends. I feel like I'm way more honest when I do that. So see if there's any groups, maybe you can find them on Facebook or just a Google search, um, about people who've been through trauma and want to

relate and be around people who've been through similar instances, because a lot of the times you can learn through people's experiences and by sharing and you'll feel so much better. And I'm sure there's some virtual ones too. So if you've enjoyed today's episode, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit. As always, don't forget to tune in next time for some personal growth, whether it's business pleasure, or you just need to vent a little bit

Man, I didn't cry through this episode. I'm proud of myself. That's progress. So here's a big fuck you to all the parents that left. You beautiful, gorgeous children. You didn't deserve that. You are not them. You are better than them. Here comes the tears. And I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you that you decided to keep going and that you decided to stay here and that you are making a beautiful life for you. You're going to leave a legacy.

And you are never going to be the poison to your children that your parents were to you. You're beautiful. You're amazing. You are so lovely and you didn't deserve that. See you guys next week.

Thank you for listening to another episode of the Professional Goddess Podcast. If you want to keep the show going and growing, make sure to leave a five-star review. Shop my merch and eBooks at professionalgoddess.com. Make sure to use code SLUT at checkout for a little surprise. My book, Slutpreneur Secrets, is now available on Amazon. Have a question, episode request, or want to be a guest on the show? Email my team via management at

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