179. When Things Don't Go As Planned.. Let's Cry In The Mic Together
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You're listening to the Professional Goddess Podcast, a place for sluts who like to make money. I'm your host, Anna D., aka The Professional Goddess. On my show, we embrace the uncensored stories of being a self-made slutchpreneur. As a stripper turned CEO, I reveal all my juicy trade secrets and share interviews with other female bosses who capitalize on their entire existence.

Hey, you guys.

I think I've already cried once or twice today, but I have got to get an episode up for you guys. And I think when you're an entrepreneur, a sludgepreneur, you guys know, you professional hoes know that...

the work doesn't cater around your emotions sometimes when you have to get that bag. However, when you're doing really well, it can cater around your emotions and you can have the luxury of only working when you're feeling good and resting and recuperating when you're not feeling your best, you know, to recharge. But in my world today, I have got to get an episode up on Thursday and today's Wednesday. So I don't have much time. And I thought,

What am I going to talk about today? We have two episodes left before the year's over, and this is just so bittersweet for me. And I thought, you know, I just wanted to talk to you guys about my Thanksgiving this year. And I wanted to wish you all so much goodness and wealth and happiness this

because I feel like families are more broken than ever and I've been a firm believer of create your own family all through my defiant 20s and I think that makes sense when you're figuring out who you are, figuring out the world and you only want to be around people that make you feel really good, right? Well, life happens and the fact of the matter is we don't live forever and

And last year I had three grandparents pass away, a dog pass away, I lost a foster dog, and it was a lot of grief and a lot of loss. And the only thing I wanted was to be around my family. And some family members are not always the healthiest to be around, but I really went out of my way

to try to make things work even through uncomfortable moments and you know things like that and things were going very well for me and that's another thing about life is things are not linear and just when I thought I had the formula right on how to mend toxicity in family uh

Things don't always go my way. And I think that's, for me, my pattern of the beautiful life lessons that this world has to offer is that I don't have control. And I just wanted to share that with you guys today. I'm sorry, my voice is shaking a little bit. I...

Also have practiced trying to keep some personal things more personal. I think that's a healthy thing. When you start oversharing online, there becomes this weird, I don't know if paradoxical is the word, but you start to feel like you owe your followers if you aren't giving them all of you. And then you start to feel guilty if you aren't sharing it all.

So I've been trying to understand all those emotions. And anyways, I just wanted to talk about Thanksgiving because I held it at my house for the first time and I invited everybody and everybody didn't show up and that's okay. And I feel like I'm just this little girl who wants to prove

everyone that I'm a big girl and I just I really wanted people to come and I really wanted to share an experience with blended family with both sides of the family all of it and someone I really really love is very hurt right now I think a lot of people are hurt over the election results and I

Some people are so hurt that they can't be around people. And that may not be my experience right now, but as an empathetic person, I will respect people's decisions. But I think through my lens and my experience, I always, sometimes I get a little crazy and think, you know, well, what if I die tomorrow? What if you do? What if someone else does? Like, aren't you going to regret not coming? Because...

What's important to me may not be the same for other people. That's just a fact of life, right? So it's hard to balance respecting people's boundaries and their needs and also sharing what you want and what you might need to.

So not having certain people there that I love, there were, you know, some relationships that I really wanted to, I really wanted certain people to interact with each other because I have some, still some older family members. I don't know how much time we have left with them. And it was kind of like a golden opportunity to make some of those connections. And my house is such a,

I don't know if you want to call it like a safe space, but in my house, you know, you can wear what you want. You can drink what you want. You can say what you want, you know, and no one's going to bat you down for it. You know, I don't care what your religion is, what your politics are. It's, it's a place that we can all get together and, um,

And everyone's, you know, usually on their best behavior. So it was anyways, I was a little, yeah, I was a little upset that people, I couldn't share this and create this memory with people that I really, really, really wanted to be there. And, you know, then part of me is like, you know, there are bigger problems happening in the world. I shouldn't be so concerned with that. But it's hard when it keeps you up at night.

you know? Um, I also have a really special day coming up, you guys, and it made me think, like, are these people gonna show up for me then? And then my, my intuition is like, they're probably not. So that is, uh, terrifying. You know, we have these days that we

Kind of think about for a large part of our life. And then they happen. And it's not exactly what you dreamt it to be. And that's... I'm trying to be okay with that. Trying to sit with that. And try to make the best of things. And try to see the glass half full. Anyways. It's just hard. Hey, Leo. Mommy's crying. I know. And I don't know if I've shared with you guys...

can we just be really honest here for a second? Let's just be really honest, you know. I'd like to start a family at some point. I think now more than ever, I want to start a family. You know, I feel like, you know, I'm 31 and I'm actually, I feel some, I know you're never prepared, but I feel stable in a lot of ways. And that desire has shown up for me.

many times in this little chapter of my life right now where it used to not be. I had different priorities. But anyways, so now that that kind of opportunity has presented itself, I'm just starting to wonder, will family be around for that? You know, I just, it's just weird. I don't like, is anyone else going through this? Like, is anyone else's life, like big life happening is happening and people just like aren't showing up?

And it's even harder when you show up for people and they just don't show up for you the same way. It makes you wonder what people's priorities are. And then it just hurts you more because then you start to think,

man, I've been putting out all this energy for someone or something that could have been directed to an opportunity that would have really fueled me in return. It's kind of like when you make an investment, you know, and you're not it's getting that return. It's like if if you look at everyone around you as like a stock investment, like who's tanking and who is scaling, you know, and

So it's, I mean, I feel like you guys know a big, my heart and it's, it's just hard when, um, I have truly shown unconditional love for so many people in my life. And you start to notice a pattern of maybe people using that unconditional love to their advantage or when it works for them. So I'm, I'm just really, um,

trying to understand what these next few years will look like for me. And it's hard to tell yourself, like, don't get so excited because you might be disappointed. You know, don't be surprised when people disappoint you again. And so that's that. Um,

It's just hard. And if anyone else had a hard time this holiday, I know we have another one coming up. Why are they always so close together? I just wanted to share that honesty. I know this show is a lot about how to succeed and how to turn a bad thing into a good thing. And sometimes it's okay to just have a bad day, you know? So...

So that's what's going on with me. That was something I tried to overcome this past week. And now that everyone's left, I'm still thinking about the people that I really miss. And that's that. Let me tell you about my experience with Shopify. Shopify.

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However, I had 12 people in my house, which I'm so grateful for, and I was really worried about my dogs. I was worried my dogs might get snippy with people who were overbearing on them or anything.

But we did this great little rotation where we had the dogs both outside when people came in so they could kind of see people in the house, calm down. And then after about 10 minutes, we let them in one at a time. And I just asked my guest to not acknowledge the dogs because you are in the dog's space. And it worked really well. No one

tried to like, you know, over pet and overstimulate them. Cause that's when they, they get a little weird sometimes. And then, uh, once the dogs understood that they weren't there to harm them or harm me, they, they were so sweet. And, um, my grandpa especially has a love affair with my female miss Sasha, who, if you've listened to the show, you know about her history. So I was very, um,

Man, I was bewildered. So that was great. And, you know, with older people in the house, you know, at least three of them who, you know, need help getting up the stairs kind of age, I was worried that Leo, my 80-pounder, would jump up on them. Because I've seen him knock someone down before out of love. So...

That didn't happen. We had his little shock collar on. I didn't even need to use it. It's just when I put it on him, he knows to act better. So I felt really responsible. I think as a pet owner, you need to ensure your safety, your guest's safety, the dog's safety. So that was a great experience for me because I thought, man, now I could have people in the house and have a little more confidence because I had a lot of anxiety before people came over. And my mom, bless her heart, she baked a

about 12 dishes froze them drove them here from atlanta and when she got here we just put everything in the freezer the night before and then warmed it up the next day but they were all my nana's recipes who has passed since and that was really special we ate everything on all her plates and i bought the turkey and i bought the ham and oh my god i didn't realize that shit was so expensive i'm like how could i make this a business expense and

But we all helped with the turkey. You know, I got an 18-pounder because I thought over 20 people were going to come. But more leftovers for me, I guess. Just trying to look at things that way. So it took a little extra time to cook the turkey because it was so goddamn big.

and the ham we just picked up from honey baked ham I highly recommend doing that made it really easy and I got all the pies from breadofheaven.com wonderful family who hand makes bread items I guess you'd call it baked goods and every all the ingredients are very clean they have like

nut free, soy free, like everything free options. And it's very affordable too. So I was really happy to support them. I highly recommend checking out their stuff. I order every month and freeze all my bread and it doesn't hurt my stomach or anything. It actually makes me feel more energized when, now that I'm stuck to a diet that's consistent and

Um, I did drink. I think I told you guys I had drinks on my birthday and then that rolled into Thanksgiving, but I'll tell you what, I kind of, not that I needed it to drink, but there were some conversations that were had where I honestly, like, I'm going to be blunt here. It just made it easier. So there was that. And, um, I definitely, um,

Have not had a drink since everyone's left. All I want is silence and water. I do... I would really... I am. I am going to go for a year come January. I think it's the best way for me to start another...

clean chapter is to do a full year. I'm really happy I got to my six months this year. It showed me I can do it. Um, so I know I can easily double it. I definitely could have done Thanksgiving without drinking. Um, I think I romanticize how it tastes with the food and I just thought, you know what, if I'm going to have a drink, I'm going to enjoy it and I'm not going to

guilt trip myself for it. It was also nice to have an experience or two of having just one drink and actually not wanting another. That has never happened to me, so I felt like that was something to celebrate in itself. So yeah, Christmas is coming, and I'm kind of in this mood where no one's talking about plans for Christmas, and I'm like, what is happening in the world? I thought...

there were traditions and whatnot. And I mean, I get it, things change, but it's, it's difficult. I know, if you listen to the episode about divorce and being part of a divorced family, you know, your whole life, you're having to go to two places each holiday, and it's stressful, and the parents resent each other. And it just kind of feels like that all over again. So I'm

really in this turmoil feeling of should I create my own tradition? Should I just go on a vacation? Should I try to please everyone? But right now, like no one's still talking about what anyone wants to do. And I'm like, why isn't anyone taking initiative? Why is like the youngest person in the family, the one that gives a shit? It's very strange to me. It's very strange. And I think a lot of it has to do with saying goodbye to my loved ones and

That it makes it so much more intense because I just understand how fleeting life is. So that's why, not why, but I think it would be fun and exciting to get knocked up and create a joyful space where people are loved and they don't have to worry because I want to just...

roll out these holidays for them and create these memories and experiences that are so healthy. And it's just love, you know, I just want to do it for the little girl in me that didn't have it. And yeah, that's really it. I'm really happy that I had so many people in my house after everyone left. I felt like my house said, you know, we enjoyed having people here. Please do it again. It

It gave my house a really nice heartbeat. And I'm not that far away from my family, you guys. I think six hours is the longest for someone. And I want to put a kind of a clear perspective, which kind of makes me a little like angry, I will say. But for the past 11, 12 years, I have made it to two different families' houses for Thanksgiving and Christmas, typically.

all the while working. Okay. And I, I haven't just owned one store or one brand in the past. We're talking like three companies, multiple side hustles. And when, if you know, if you run a Black Friday sale, it consists of sending out emails. It consists of sending social media posts, doing customer service. So doing that,

for three different stores on, you know, seven different social media platforms is a lot. So my memories are excusing myself to go to the bathroom and vigorously working in the bathroom at different houses and then getting on the road, driving three, four hours to somewhere else, doing it again, and then driving all the way home and staying up through the night to do Black Friday. So

And that doesn't even consist of, there's usually a Thanksgiving sale and then there's small business Saturday and then there's cyber Monday. So I've traveled for people. I have worked while socializing at these events and I've never complained about it ever. I'm still not, I'm just sharing what was done. Um, so when I'm, I'm getting told that, um,

Some people are like, oh, I can't make it. I have to work. But some are like, I have to work the day before and the day after, so I can't make it. And I'm just thinking, I worked the day before, the day of, and the day after and still made it. So maybe we're just built different. Maybe that's the consensus. So I'm still figuring it out. And I know this episode is very personal and very honest. I'm not naming any names. I'm not...

Uh, I'm not shouting. I'm not, um, saying anyone owes me anything because they don't, but I think it's a sheer realization that I need to take some time to love, really love myself so that I can stop giving all the love away where it's not appreciated. So I hope anyone listening, uh,

can take this and let it lead you by example, because I wish someone had told me all of this before it happened. Um, I'm just, I'm also really sad because the next episode will be our last one. And I love you guys a lot. You guys have been my family through all of this. I'll see you guys next week.

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