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cover of episode Episode 393: What Happened To My Sex Life?

Episode 393: What Happened To My Sex Life?

2025/5/2
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Sex and Psychology Podcast

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J
Justin Lehmiller
K
Kate Balestrieri
Topics
Justin Lehmiller: 我主持的播客节目探讨了长期关系中性欲减退的常见问题。许多人都有过类似的经历,从最初的激情到后来的平淡,这引发了人们对自身、伴侣以及关系本身的疑问。本期节目将探讨导致性欲、快感和亲密感下降的原因,并提供相应的解决方法,例如应对伴侣间如同室友般缺乏激情的情况,以及如何处理关系中过度亲密、愤怒、怨恨等问题,以及如何克服创伤的影响。 Kate Balestrieri: 我在书中分享了个人经历,指出即使是性治疗师也并非总是拥有完美的性生活。性生活的好坏取决于伴侣双方的参与和投入。性欲的下降是正常的,不必因此责备自己。重要的是要认识到,性欲在一段关系中会随着时间的推移而波动。放下对自己的苛责,接纳这种波动,才能更好地找到解决方法。处理长期关系中出现的“室友模式”,需要重新创造空间和吸引力,这既包括心理上的空间,也可能包括物理上的距离。在心理上,伴侣双方需要在家庭责任、情绪劳动、家务劳动等方面分担,以便有时间投入个人兴趣爱好,保持个人空间,从而增加彼此的新鲜感和吸引力。 在个体层面,与自身和感受的连接至关重要。通过身体活动和正念练习,可以更好地连接身体和感受,从而提升性快感。此外,处理未解决的情绪,例如愤怒和怨恨,也很重要。健康的表达愤怒情绪很重要,可以尝试不同的方式宣泄,例如呼吸练习、运动、写作等。创伤经历也会对性欲、唤起和快感造成影响。创伤的恢复需要学习调控强烈情绪,重建对自身和他人信任,这可能需要专业人士的帮助。压力和倦怠也是性欲下降的重要因素,需要及时识别并采取措施缓解压力,例如休假、调整工作等。 Kate Balestrieri: 长期关系中性欲减退是一个普遍现象,并不意味着关系本身出现了问题。性欲的下降可能源于多种因素,包括生物因素(激素)、心理因素(创伤)和关系因素(冲突)。在关系层面,‘室友模式’的出现意味着激情和性生活退居次要地位,伴侣间更像朋友或室友而非恋人。要解决这个问题,需要在心理和物理上创造一些空间,让彼此重新产生吸引力。这需要伴侣双方在家庭责任、情绪劳动等方面更公平地分担,以便有时间投入个人兴趣爱好,保持个人空间,从而增加彼此的新鲜感和吸引力。在个体层面,与自身和感受的连接至关重要。通过身体活动和正念练习,可以更好地连接身体和感受,从而提升性快感。此外,处理未解决的情绪,例如愤怒和怨恨,也很重要。健康的表达愤怒情绪很重要,可以尝试不同的方式宣泄,例如呼吸练习、运动、写作等。创伤经历也会对性欲、唤起和快感造成影响。创伤的恢复需要学习调控强烈情绪,重建对自身和他人信任,这可能需要专业人士的帮助。压力和倦怠也是性欲下降的重要因素,需要及时识别并采取措施缓解压力,例如休假、调整工作等。

Deep Dive

Shownotes Transcript

At some point, almost everyone in a long-term relationship is going to wonder, “What happened to my sex life?” Where did the initial passion and excitement go? In today’s show, we’re going to explore why desire, pleasure, and connection often decline in relationships, as well as how you can get it back.

I am joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri), a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy), a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.)

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

  • Does a loss of passion necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship?

  • What can you do if you feel like you and your partner have become roommates instead of lovers?

  • How can being too close to your partner hurt desire?

  • How can addressing anger and resentment in healthy ways open the door to more desire?

  • What do you need to know about moving past trauma and opening yourself up to pleasure again?

You can check out the Modern Intimacy website) to learn more about Kate’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.)


*Thank you to our sponsors! *

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The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org) or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.


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