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cover of episode Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men

Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men

2025/5/9
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Sex and Psychology Podcast
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C
Carly Wolfer
J
Justin Lehmiller
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Justin Lehmiller: 我主持了这个播客节目，讨论了异性恋关系中女性高潮频率低于男性的现象，即所谓的“高潮差距”。许多理论试图解释这种差距，例如生物学差异或男性对伴侣快乐的漠视，但这些理论都无法完全解释。本期节目将探讨一种新的视角——“高潮追求差距”，即性脚本如何导致女性比男性更少地追求自身高潮，以及她们如何感知到伴侣对自身快乐的支持较少。最终，我们将讨论如何通过将高潮视为团队合作来实现快乐的平等，而不是由一个人完全负责。 我与性研究员Carly Wolfer讨论了这些问题，她对创造更公平、更愉悦的性体验的研究做出了贡献。我们探讨了对高潮差距的现有思考方式有什么问题，为什么女性比男性更少地追求自身高潮，健康的高潮追求是什么样的，如何让伴侣支持你的快乐，以及我们如何弥合高潮差距。 Carly Wolfer: 我的研究挑战了我们对高潮差距的传统看法，并引入了“高潮追求差距”的概念。高潮追求包含三个维度：个人高潮追求（自己想要并尝试高潮的程度）、伴侣高潮追求（支持伴侣高潮的程度）和感知到的伴侣高潮追求（感觉伴侣是否支持你的快乐的程度）。研究发现，即使个人想要高潮，如果没有伴侣的支持，性行为和高潮也不会令人满意。男性比女性更追求自身高潮，女性比男性更追求伴侣高潮，男性比女性更能感受到伴侣的支持。这种不平衡解释了女性与男性发生性关系时观察到的高潮差距。 健康的高潮追求更关注过程而非结果，是关于探索和尝试，以及探索快乐的可能性，而不是制造高潮的强制性。伴侣的支持至关重要，即使个人努力追求高潮，如果没有伴侣的支持，也不会转化为令人满意的性或高潮。快乐是一个共享的过程，需要合作和相互关爱和努力。当前关于高潮差距以及如何弥合差距的观点可能存在错误，因为它过于关注个体层面的解决方案，而忽略了关系层面的问题。我们需要男性参与到解决高潮差距的工作中来，采用二元和人际关系的方法。高潮应该被视为一项团队运动，需要双方共同努力。沟通很重要，无论是口头还是非语言的沟通，都能促进伴侣对你的快乐的支持。性沟通没有放之四海而皆准的方法，需要找到适合自己的方式。性沟通不仅要表达自身的需求，还要了解伴侣的需求。一个常见的误解是男性只关心自己的快乐，不关心伴侣的快乐，但研究表明大多数男性都希望满足伴侣。男性通常有很强的意愿去追求伴侣的高潮，但执行方式存在差异。男性对女性性功能和性反应的理解不足，这反映了性教育体系的不足。应该关注快乐的公平，而不是高潮的平等，关注的是获得快乐的过程，而不是结果。高潮差距的大小取决于关系的类型，长期关系中的差距比非正式关系中的差距小得多。在非正式性关系中，快乐的公平更难实现，因为个体动机更多，沟通更少，责任感更低。即使是非正式的性关系，快乐也应该是一个共享和有趣的项目。

Deep Dive

Shownotes Transcript

In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.

My guest is Carly Wolfer), a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

  • What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?

  • Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?

  • What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?

  • How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?

  • How do we close the orgasm gap?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn) to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.)

*Thank you to our sponsors! *

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The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org) or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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