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5 Steps To Stop People Pleasing

2025/4/3
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ManTalks Podcast
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People
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Connor Beaton
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Connor Beaton: 我将分享停止讨好型人格的五步法。首先，了解讨好型人格的起源，这通常与童年经历有关，例如在以绩效为基础的家庭环境中长大，或者承担过多的责任，又或者在单亲家庭中为了满足母亲的需求而牺牲自己的需求。童年创伤也可能导致低自尊和自卑感，从而导致讨好型人格。 讨好型人格的两个主要挑战是过度优先考虑他人需求，以及这会持续降低自尊。为了克服讨好型人格，首先要理解其起源，包括其发生的时间、参与的人以及满足谁的需求。然后，识别触发讨好型人格的因素和倾向，例如冲突或他人失望。 接下来，练习说不，从小事做起，逐渐提升到更大的事情。然后，优先考虑自身需求，并与他人沟通你的需求。最后，设定界限，让别人知道如何对待你。设定界限可以帮助你了解自己以及他人。 在这个过程中，你将不得不挑战自我批评，改变负面自我认知。讨好型人格是一种策略，成年后需要克服它，重视自身需求，有效地进行沟通。

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Chapters
This chapter defines people-pleasing, explaining its root in childhood experiences where one's needs were secondary to others'. It highlights how this behavior stems from a performance-based approach to love and validation, leading to over-functioning in relationships and a constant attempt to anticipate others' needs.
  • People-pleasing is an attachment-based issue originating in childhood.
  • It involves prioritizing others' needs over one's own to gain love and validation.
  • It often stems from performance-based love and over-functioning in relationships.

Shownotes Transcript

Talking points: boundaries, relationships, mindset

The counter-intuitive truth is this: if you're stuck in people-pleasing, you're generally not people-helping. I see a lot of men go through this, and many are unaware of what it really is and where it comes from. This week, straightforward insight and direct steps to breaking free.

(00:00:00) - What the heck is people-pleasing?

(00:03:02) - Two specific origins of people pleasing, and uncovering where it started in your own life

(00:06:18) - The effect of trauma on one’s needs and self-worth

(00:07:34) - The two major challenges of people-pleasing, and how to start breaking out of this

(00:10:39) - Reflecting on tendencies, practicing your No, and prioritizing what you need 

(00:14:45) - On boundaries

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