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cover of episode Dating An Avoidant? Don't Put Up With This

Dating An Avoidant? Don't Put Up With This

2025/1/16
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Connor Beaton
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Connor Beaton: 与回避型依恋的伴侣相处,最大的挑战在于应对他们的“翻转”行为。当我们表达对亲密关系的需求时,他们会将责任推卸给我们,让我们感觉自己有问题,过于需要或粘人。这种行为源于他们内心的恐惧、不信任感以及对亲密关系的抗拒。他们本能地回避亲密,因为这会让他们感到威胁,仿佛失去了个人独立性。 “翻转”策略的具体表现是,他们会将所有问题都归咎于你,让你感觉自己才是问题所在。他们会使用一些攻击性语言,例如“你太需要了”、“你太粘人了”,以此来逃避责任,保持距离和掌控感。这是一种自我保护机制,让他们能够维持自己舒适的安全距离,并避免承担责任。 要处理这种关系,首先需要伴侣意识到自身是回避型依恋,并理解这种行为模式。这需要他们自己主动去发现和承认,我们无法强迫他们。我们可以提供相关资源,引导他们思考自身行为模式,但最终的改变需要他们自己主动完成。 其次,我们需要坚持自己的立场,向伴侣表明我们的需求是合理和正常的,而不是过分或不切实际的。同时,我们也要承担自身责任,承认自己可能有时会表现得过于需要或焦虑,但要避免将责任完全归咎于伴侣。 接下来,我们需要了解伴侣抗拒亲密关系的根本原因,例如他们是否感到受到了威胁,这种亲密关系是否对他们的独立性、自由或生活其他方面构成了威胁。 最后,我们需要询问伴侣是否愿意为建立更健康的亲密关系而共同努力。重要的是给予他们选择权,避免强迫或操控,因为这可能会加剧他们的抗拒。通过开放的沟通、相互理解和共同努力,才能建立更健康、更稳定的关系。

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Chapters
This chapter explores the concept of "the flip," a common tactic used by avoidant partners to deflect responsibility and create distance when faced with requests for closeness or intimacy. It highlights how avoidants may gaslight their partners, making them feel like they're the problem.
  • Avoidant partners often react to intimacy requests with a "flip," blaming their partners for seeking connection.
  • This behavior involves shirking responsibility and creating distance.
  • The avoidant partner might use gaslighting to make their partner feel like the problem.

Shownotes Transcript

Talking points: attachment, relationships

We all have parts of us that are hard to handle. But if you're in a relationship with someone who's got an avoidant attachment style, there's ONE behavior that's tougher than the rest. Here's what it is, and how to handle it.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and “the flip”

(00:03:55) - The real challenge dealing with an avoidant partner

(00:05:52) - So what do you do?

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/)

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment)

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn) | Anger Meditation) | How To Lead In Your Relationship)

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