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cover of episode Men's Work Session - The Depth Of The Anxious/Avoidant Dance

Men's Work Session - The Depth Of The Anxious/Avoidant Dance

2025/3/17
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专注于电动车和能源领域的播客主持人和内容创作者。
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匿名嘉宾
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匿名嘉宾：我和我的未婚妻都来自破碎的家庭，童年经历对我们现在的人际关系造成了影响。我们常常陷入一种模式：一方寻求连接，另一方却退缩，这让我们很苦恼。我意识到自己比以往关系中更焦虑，这可能与即将结婚的压力有关。未婚妻的回避行为源于她童年独自一人度过许多时光，以及过去不健康的恋爱经历。她很坦诚地告诉我这些，但我仍然会在关系中感到困惑和受伤。我11岁时父亲因癌症去世，这对我造成了很大的打击。之后母亲陷入抑郁，家庭环境变得很艰难。虽然我有朋友和足球队的支持，但我一直努力逃避悲伤，很少向他人寻求帮助。父亲去世后，我感到缺乏保护、指导和支持，并因此感到悲伤、抑郁和疏离感。我努力通过专注于足球来逃避这些负面情绪。我意识到自己过去没有充分处理父亲去世带来的创伤，这影响了我与未婚妻的关系。我害怕再次经历失去亲人的痛苦，害怕未婚妻离开我，害怕这段关系无法长久，害怕付出没有回报，害怕被利用。回忆父亲，我感到快乐、安全和自由。意识到我一直在未婚妻身上寻找我父亲去世后失去的安全感和平静感，这让我感到内疚，因为这给她带来了很大的压力。 Ryan Michler: 你童年时期失去的安全感和亲密关系在你潜意识里造成了创伤，导致你在过去的感情中表现出回避行为，而与未婚妻的亲密关系又唤醒了这种创伤。你需要学习如何在不依赖伴侣的情况下，在自身内部找到安全感和平静感。你对女性的信任问题并非理性思考的结果，而是你童年创伤的潜意识反应。你需要处理你对女性应对困境和情绪能力的看法，这与你母亲在父亲去世后的经历有关。依恋风格的挑战并非总是简单的，它们有时会触及我们内心深处未处理的痛苦。你需要学习自我抚慰，与内心的恐惧对话，重新建立安全感。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The episode begins with an anonymous guest discussing his upcoming marriage and the challenges of an anxious-avoidant dynamic with his fiance. They explore the patterns in their arguments and the root causes stemming from their different childhood experiences with single parents.
  • The guest and his fiance are experiencing an anxious-avoidant dynamic in their relationship.
  • Both come from single-parent households with different dynamics.
  • The guest is typically avoidant but is experiencing more anxiousness in this relationship.

Shownotes Transcript

Talking points: attachment, marriage, trauma

There’s a lot of attachment content out there. I should know, I make a fair bit myself. But in my work with this week’s anonymous guest, you can see just how complex things can get. My guest is managing the anxious-avoidant dance really well, but processing what causes it is something that requires deeper work. Listen in.

(00:00:00) - Intro, handling the anxious/avoidant dance in marriage, and the what it felt like losing a father

(00:11:21) - Who was there for you? 

(00:22:52) - The search for peace

Join myself, Ryan Michler, Larry Hagner, and Matt Beaudreau on a mission to improve yourself as a man, husband, business owner, and community leader at the Men's Forge. May 1-4, St. Louis, MO: https://orderofman.clickfunnels.com/uprising-landing-page1715263442491)

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/)

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment)

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn) | Anger Meditation) | How To Lead In Your Relationship)

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance). 

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