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Shadow Work For Anxious Attachment

2025/2/6
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Connor Beaton
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Connor Beaton: 作为一名焦虑型依恋者,我发现自己常常陷入“除非你没事,否则我无法安心”的怪圈。我的神经系统长期处于应激状态,渴望从外界寻求平静和安全感。荣格心理学中的“影”概念对我理解自身焦虑非常有帮助。影是我人格中那些隐藏在无意识深处,不愿面对和承认的部分,它包含了我的恐惧、不安和疑虑。通过影之工作,我开始探索那些为了融入环境而不得不放弃的特质,例如自我保护、情绪调节和设定界限的能力。我意识到,这些能力的缺失与我的童年经历息息相关。为了获得父母的认可和爱,我可能压抑了自己的真实情感和需求,逐渐形成了依赖他人的依恋模式。现在,我需要重新找回这些被遗弃的部分,培养内在的安全感和自我调节能力,这样才能在关系中建立更健康、更平衡的互动模式。当然,如果我曾经遭受过创伤或虐待,那么我的焦虑可能源于更深层的心理创伤,需要寻求专业的心理咨询和治疗。

Deep Dive

Chapters
This chapter defines anxious attachment as a reliance on others for self-regulation and introduces shadow work as a Jungian approach to address this. It highlights that the anxious person's shadow contains the very qualities they need to develop for secure attachment.
  • Anxious attachment: one's world is not okay unless their partner is okay.
  • Shadow work: exploring the unconscious parts of personality; for anxiously attached individuals, this often involves reclaiming qualities like self-soothing and self-regulation.
  • Anxious attachment stems from a lack of self-regulation, leading to dependence on others for emotional stability.

Shownotes Transcript

Talking points: psychology, the shadow, attachment theory

Now there's a mouthful of psych words! All jokes aside, a Jungian perspective on attachment theory is a powerful combo. This week, I'm laying out a simple definition for the shadow and anxious attachment, and a straightforward way to begin the work yourself right away. Listen in.

(00:00:00) - A quick primer on anxious attachment and the shadow

(00:05:17) - The first thing you need to figure out, and some common causes of anxious attachment

(00:09:01) - Here’s where you begin exploring

(00:12:40) - What can happen in relationship as you start doing this work, and how to help that

(00:13:55) - A caveat for people with trauma or abuse in their past

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/)

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment)

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