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cover of episode The Main Trap For An Anxiously Attached Man—And How To Escape It

The Main Trap For An Anxiously Attached Man—And How To Escape It

2025/3/13
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ManTalks Podcast

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Ryan Michler
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Ryan Michler: 焦虑型依恋男性的主要陷阱在于,他们为了满足自身情感需求,采取迂回的方式,试图通过讨好、付出等行为来间接获得回应,却往往事与愿违。这种模式的根源在于童年时期形成的习得性无助感。由于在成长过程中,他们的需求常常被忽视、批评甚至惩罚,导致他们潜意识里害怕直接表达需求,担心再次经历被拒绝、被忽视的痛苦。 要摆脱这种陷阱,需要一个三步走策略:首先,深入探索童年经历,找出导致习得性无助感的根源,例如被忽视、被批评、被惩罚等事件。这需要认真反思,甚至可以向父母了解早年的生活情况,寻找线索。有些经历可能发生在幼儿时期,没有明确的记忆,这时需要关注身体上的感觉和情绪反应,寻找线索。 其次,要觉察这种模式在当前关系中的表现。例如,当想要亲密关系或表达需求时感到焦虑不安,并试图通过做额外的事情来取悦伴侣。 最后,采取行动,积极练习直接表达需求。这需要一个循序渐进的过程,从小事做起,例如请求别人递东西,逐步过渡到表达更深层次的需求,例如表达对亲密关系的渴望。重要的是,要坚持练习,不要因为害怕被拒绝而放弃。同时,要将练习扩展到生活中的各个方面,而不仅仅局限于亲密关系。在与伴侣沟通时,要提前说明自己的改变,避免突然的转变造成误解和冲突。 许多男性在尝试改变的过程中,容易反复陷入陷阱。这是因为他们潜意识里仍然期待着被拒绝,以验证自己内心的负面信念。因此,要避免这种循环,就需要持续练习直接表达需求,并与伴侣保持良好的沟通,建立基于信任和透明的亲密关系。

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Shownotes Transcript

Talking points: relationships, attachment

There's one significant trap a lot of men fall into when they're anxiously attached. Good news? It's manageable—as long as you know where it's coming from. If you or your partner has this attachment style, dig in.

(00:00:00) - Defining the trap, and why it happens

(00:04:29) - What you’re really up against, and the first step in escaping the trap

(00:09:15) - Uncovering where it shows up in your relationship, and taking action

(00:12:09) - Don’t just practice in the relationship, and what causes blacksliding


Join myself, Ryan Michler, Larry Hagner, and Matt Beaudreau on a mission to improve yourself as a man, husband, business owner, and community leader at the Men's Forge. May 1-4, St. Louis, MO: https://orderofman.clickfunnels.com/uprising-landing-page1715263442491)

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/)

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment)

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn) | Anger Meditation) | How To Lead In Your Relationship)

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