CHELSEA HANDLER — on meeting a President while high and being scolded by Jane Fonda
40:49 Share

My dive buddy just kind of started like whacking me underwater and then he didn't know how to tell me that there's a shark so he's trying to scream shark and then eventually he just went with singing the Jaws theme tune.

Hello, I'm Hannah Stipfel and I host a podcast called Oceans Life Underwater. If you haven't listened before and you're interested in the fascinating world of turtles and whales, then we might just be your new favourite podcast. To join us, just search for Oceans Life Underwater wherever you're listening to this.

At Sierra, discover great deals on top brand workout gear, like high-quality walking shoes, which might lead to another discovery. 40,000 steps, baby! Who's on top now, Karen? You've taken the office step challenge a step too far. Don't worry, though. Sierra also has yoga gear. It might be a good place to find your zen. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Hi, it's Jesse. ♪

Today on the show, you know her from her iconic show, Chelsea Lately, her slate of specials, and her new book, I'll Have What She's Having. It's Chelsea Handler. Jane found a pole, yeah, she summoned me to her house. She summoned you. To basically give me a talking to about my behavior at her birthday party. This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

When Modern Family was really starting to take off and I was being asked to do press for the show, I was finding myself in the company of some of the most iconic talk show hosts of the era. I'm talking about David Letterman, Jay Leno, Barbara Walters, Larry King, Oprah,

I was always filled with a healthy dose of anxiety anytime I went on to one of these talk shows. I mean, Letterman was specifically stressful for me because I had admired him so greatly for so long. And also I could tell as a fan of his that if he wasn't feeling his guest, he could be really tough on them. So I was very grateful that we seemed to have pretty good chemistry when I was a guest on his show.

One of the talk shows I was most excited and scared to go on to was Chelsea Handler's late night show aptly called Chelsea Lately. Now, I had been a massive fan of Chelsea's sharp wit as an author, fearless humor as a stand-up, and outspoken personality as a host for years. I was also wildly intimidated by her. Like, really, really intimidated. Like, she made Letterman look like a gentle lamb.

When I was asked to be a guest on Chelsea Lately, I was both honored to be considered cool enough to hang out with her and scared shitless that we wouldn't vibe. Listen, I've always been really good at overthinking things, and I'm nothing if not consistent. I've done enough talk show appearances that many of them fade away into my memory, but my Chelsea Lately interview plays out vividly in my memory. As I assume you've gathered, that appearance went very well and started to pave the way for friendship with Chelsea.

Now, Chelsea spends a lot of her time up in Canada now. She writes a lot about her decision to buy a place up north in her latest book, I'll Have What She's Having, which is out this week. So I was so excited to grab her for a meal while she was in L.A. preparing to host the Critics' Choice Awards. Okay, okay. Here we are. We're eating. Are we? Are we eating? We're eating. I'm going to eat. I'm starving. On audio? That's lovely. On audio.

I brought Chelsea to the Butcher, the Baker, and the Cappuccino Maker, or BBCM for short, in West Hollywood. The stylish sunlit cafe, known for its European-inspired brunch dishes, has been a staple on Sunset since 2017. They're also known for their hand-painted colorburst lattes. They made a special one just for me and Chelsea that I'll show you guys on my Instagram.

If you can score one of their bright yellow booths, you could easily spend hours here just sipping on coffee and noshing on their perfect Parisian soft omelets. Listen, it's not often that a trendy place actually lives up to its hype, but BBCM has a cult following for a reason. And I mean, I couldn't help but bring Chelsea here. Okay, let's get to the conversation.

The last time I was actually near you, and I actually thought about reaching out to you, but then I was like, she doesn't want to see me right now. It was when you were at the Taylor Swift concert in Vancouver. Oh, you went the next night? I went the next night. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I should reach out to Chelsea. I was like, what am I going to do with that? She's like, great, you're in the same city as me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares? How was the last night? Incredible? Incredible. Yeah. I mean, for me, the most moving thing is seeing her parents every night, watching her show every night, and her brother. Yeah.

That is really special. Well, that was the other thing. Her mom came and said hello to all of us, which was really nice. Oh, that's nice. She didn't come say hello to me. No, she knew that you were there. She's just not like you. She heard what you said. No, I'm totally making shit up. And so she came to say hi to us. And then when she left that little VIP area...

She was flocked by fans. Oh, yeah. And she spent all this time just hanging out with them and singing along with them and, like, taking pictures with them. It was really sweet. It is really moving. Anyway, it was pretty wild. Yeah. In your book, which I love so much, Chelsea. It's so good. I mean, I've read all your books, but this is – Thank you. I love this one specifically because I feel like you've gotten quite vulnerable in it, and I don't know what that's all about. Oh, my.

Hi, good morning. Hello. How are you? I'm doing well, thank you. My name's Justin. I'll be taking care of you guys. Hi, Justin. May I get some drinks for you? I would love some coffee, please. Sure.

I can do cappuccino with latte. I'll do like an almond milk latte. That would be nice. I would love an iced like oat latte. You got it. That would be good for me. Yeah. Any flavors in our lattes? No. Flavors? What did you, what kind of flavors? We have vanilla, caramel, hazelnut. What about breast milk? Do you guys have any breast milk? I have. If you don't, oh, hi, sweetheart. That's one of the, that's one of the, um,

Results of my breast milk. Look at how buff and strong he's become. Look how strong he's become. Yeah, so I'll take an iced oat milk latte. I don't think I'm hungry, but I don't want you to eat by yourself. You don't have to do anything. I don't feel uncomfortable eating by myself. Okay, great, great. You know me.

I'm going to do the soft omelet. The Parisian soft omelet. Everyone loves a soft omelet. And then you get a choice of potatoes, fruit, or salad with that on the side. I'll do fruit. Fruit? And then would you like to add salmon roe on top? No, thank you. On top of his fruit? Tricky. That's good for me. Okay. You don't want anything? Maybe some potatoes. Breakfast potatoes I'd pick at. Side of breakfast potatoes? Yeah. Try to bulk up. Okay, that's good. Yay!

Carb load. I'll take these out of your gut. Thank you. Appreciate it. No, I love the book so much. And I'm a slow reader. So I thought I was three-fourths of the way done. You're slow. I'm slow in general. You're a slow adult. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've established this before, I think, on my podcast. Yeah, we did, I think. Yeah, super slow.

And dense. Very dense. Those two things go together. Yeah. Well, this is how slow I am. I thought I was three-fourths of the way done with the book because I texted you last night. I was like, I'm three-fourths of the way done. And you were one-quarter of the way done. I hadn't fully loaded. So, like, the little arrow on the side, I was like, God, I'm powering through this. And then, like, I got to Wi-Fi and it, like, fully loaded. And, like, the arrow shot up. So, like, I was like, oh, I'm about...

Halfway done. But I mean, I just feel like you're very vulnerable in this book in a way that you haven't been before. And I don't know if that's because of age. You're going to turn 50 this year, right? Yeah. Yeah, because we're the same birth year. I turned 50 this year, too. Oh, really? When's your birthday? October. Oh, okay. So you're February 25th. Yeah, the book comes out on my 50th birthday. I know, I love that. They gave me some options for release dates. And I was like, this is all pretty close to my birthday. 9-11. Okay.

They're like, yeah, yeah. The anniversary of Roe v. Wade being overturned or your birthday. Exactly, or your birthday. And I was like, I think I'll do my birthday. Then I could just kind of collectively make a birthday party, a book party, make it all together, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, we met...

When I did your show on E!, kind of probably like early Modern Family Days. Uh-huh, yeah. And I remember... I think I've told you this before. I was super excited to do your show. Also intimidated because, you know, you don't hold back. I think that... Oh, here's coffee. Thank you. I was...

Thank you. Should we announce every time we get something? Coffee? We have received the coffee. I have the iced coffee and Jesse got a hot coffee. With a beautiful, with a beautiful, cheers. Cheers. Check out the photos on Instagram. I'm not taking a picture of this latte. But when I first met you, I was so excited to meet you. And I was, I was very nervous too, because I was like, what's she going to like, you know,

Am I going to be brave? Am I going to be able to, you know, stand up? Like, not stand up against you, but like stand up for myself. It's like gladiator. Yeah, exactly, right? But, you know, I mean, like I think a lot of people crumble under you. No, I've heard this a lot from a lot of people, a lot of people when meeting me, especially during that time. I mean, I hope I've softened a little bit. I think I have. No, you have. But—

I never really understood how I was coming across. Like, that was just my personality. So, like, people, when people always would say, you know, Cameron Diaz said, she's like, I was so scared to come on your show. I was so scared to meet you. And so many people would say the same thing. And I'm like, what? What are you talking about? You think I'm just going to, like, make fun of you?

fun of you. Like my guests were on the round table. We're making fun of the people that we're making fun of on the news, but I wouldn't have someone come in my living room and then eviscerate them or, you know, castigate them. But I mean, I guess I did a couple of times, but I just have more tact now. I understand that all your thoughts aren't necessary to share. Right. Right. Right. Right. Um, you also, I mean, I thought something else that was interesting that you talked about was how you have a fear of being disingenuous, which I sometimes feel myself like,

in front of someone you will say one thing because you want to please them but like you know internally you don't feel that way you mentioned it like when you were with Bush and his daughters and you were talking about

you know, meeting him for the first time in Maine and going to the Bush compound and like having this interaction with George Bush and feeling like, okay, I'm enjoying this man's company. Right. But I'm like at odds with the version I have of him. Yeah, I'm at odds with myself. First of all, I liked him because he was charming and had a dimple.

And so that's how shallow I am. I would be a terrible juror because anyone that was cute, that was like up, you know, for any sort of crime or being trying to defend themselves against any crime, if they were good looking or if they were charming, I would probably be easily swayed in one direction or another each day vacillating back and forth. You and my husband, you and my mother-in-law.

Are the same person, yeah. Yeah. Do you mind talking about parts of your book? Absolutely. Yeah, so you do tell this really great story. You were friends with the Bush twins. Yeah. Who you call Sissy. Uh-huh, yeah. Both of them are Sissy. Most women I call Sissy just because it's easier. You've called me Sissy before. It's easier that that's for a different reason though. Ooh, that looks beautiful. Gorgeous. Jesse's omelet has his soft omelet has been delivered. It's delicious.

And Chelsea's breakfast potatoes. I might take a little bite of that, actually. Yeah, you should. Thank you. If you don't mind. I would love for you to share some of my omelet. I'd just like to take a little bit of that. Yeah, so I'm friends with the Bush twins, and they heard I was in Maine because I was renting a house. It was during COVID. Barbara Bush started coming over every morning with her new husband. And then Pickleball, everyone was banging out about Pickleball. This is at the advent of Pickleball, which I blame COVID for. What's this? Oh, my God. Color burst.

Oh my God, it says dinner's on me. That's hilarious. Did you get a photo? That's so pretty. That's so sweet. How did we make this? This omelet's delicious. Isn't that great? I love a soft Parisian omelet, yes. You can have more of it if you want. I'm okay. And then they wanted a pickleball tournament.

At the Bush compound. Jenna wasn't there. It was just Barbara. And I was like, girls, I cannot... Girls, I can't go to the Bush compound. Like, I'm not going to meet your father. Like, with all of my political nonsense, I can't all of a sudden... I'm like a turncoat if I go over there. She's like, assured me. She's like, daddy will be getting a massage. I promise you. I promise you. I'm like, daddy, don't call him that. And then...

So I go and my sisters were in my one sister was like, you are not we are not not missing this opportunity because of you and your nonsense. I'm on your sister's side, by the way. And my sisters and my brother were both like, just take some drugs like, you know, that usually calms me down. I always take edibles. I love drugs. And they're like, just take my brother's like, take one. My sister's like, take four. And we ended up going there.

To play pickleball. And I was as high as a kite. And then that's when I met the president because he was, daddy was not getting a massage. Daddy was on my tail. He wanted to meet me and talk to me and make sure that I knew he was a nice guy. And guess what?

By the time I left there, I did think he was a nice guy. He showed me his art collection, his painting collection, his personal painting collection. Which was ridiculous. I told him I was stoned because I refused to take my sunglasses off because my eyes were shut. And it was actually quite a lovely afternoon. And his wife, Laura, was there. And then they gave us a tour of their newly renovated house. It was like we couldn't get out of there. I just kept saying, like, when is this going to be over? Like, when will this afternoon end? Was it because you wanted to stop while you were ahead? Like, you hadn't had an output?

burst or like embarrass yourself. Yeah, like I knew I was going to happen. It was going to happen. Like I'm someone who can't control, you know, like especially if someone I disagree with, like I would want to make a point. He hadn't come out against Trump and I think it was in 2020. Yeah. It was right before the election or right after. It was somewhere where he could have come out against him. He hadn't said anything. He hadn't. And so I was like, you know, I was going to... You had that in the canon. I'm like, I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to convince him to say something. Yeah, yeah. But it was...

It was a perfect example of how useless any of my outbursts or confrontational proclivities would have been in that moment. Like, what would be the point of that? You know what I mean? What would be the point of arguing with someone about that? He's not the president anymore. It doesn't matter. Blah, blah, blah. And so, yeah, we left there. And, you know, when you're stoned, like 15 minutes feels like 45 minutes. So the whole time I was with him, I was just like, are we sleeping over? Like, how long is this going to go? Yeah.

And then finally I got out of there, and it was a pretty funny experience. I mean, everyone that came with me that day, like my friends and family that were at my house, because whenever I roll up to some place, it's like with 20. With the entourage. Yeah, I always have like family members. Like Sophia at the Golden Globes. Yeah. I mean, we left there that day. My brother goes, God, Chelsea, every time we go away with you, something really ridiculous happens. He goes, and I'm down for it. I'm like, yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah.

And now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Chelsea talks to me about a note she sent her family that went viral and Jane Fonda calling her out for being naughty at a party. Okay, be right back. This episode of Dinners on Me is brought to you by Nissan.

These days, it feels like the world and our lives are moving at hyper speed. I mean, that's why I love doing this podcast. It's a chance to slow down, to truly connect with another human being, and to enjoy the feeling of actually being in the present moment.

On that note, I'm very excited that Dinners on Me is partnering with Nissan because Nissan understands that sometimes the greatest rush comes from not rushing at all. And with the all-new Nissan Murano, you can enjoy an unapologetic refuge amidst the daily hustle and bustle of life. The Nissan Murano is not just a vehicle. It's a space where you can take a beat to catch your breath and re-energize to be in the present moment.

And trust me, this is the moment you'll want to be in and drive in. The Nissan Murano features an elevated modern interior design and a bold new exterior look. Plus, the expansive panoramic moonroof adds tons of natural light to the roomy cabin. With massaging leather-appointed seats to help melt away the tension of the day and ambient moonlighting with 64 color options to set the vibe just right, what's not to love?

So thanks again to Nissan for sponsoring this episode of Dinners on Me and for reminding us to take a moment and breathe. Learn more about the all-new Nissan Murano at NissanUSA.com. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, and massaging leather-appointed seats are optional features.

Now, you know I love a good brunch, whether it's a laid-back Sunday with my husband Justin and the kids or a full-on feast with a bunch of my friends. I just love it. And when it comes to putting together the perfect spread, Whole Foods Market is my go-to. They've got everything you need to make your brunch extra special. Smoked salmon? Check. Buttery flaky quiche? You bet. And don't even get me started on the fresh berries. I said don't. Seriously, don't get me started on them. Oh, you already did. Okay.

Okay, now let's talk drinks. Whole Foods Market has the best cold-pressed orange juice, bar none. It's perfect for mimosas or just sipping straight while you flip pancakes. And if you really want to impress, grab a berry chantilly cake or some warm hot cross buns to finish brunch on a sweet note. And just tell people you baked it.

Now, if you want to host but you're also short on time, like we all are, no worries. Just order Whole Foods Market Catering. From bagel and lox platters to deli salads, they've got you covered. You just have to order 48 hours in advance, pick it up, and voila, brunch is served. No one will know you got a little help from our friends over at Whole Foods. It's all about the hacks, people. It'll be our little secret. Make Whole Foods Market your destination for all spring gatherings.

And we're back with more Dinners on Me. I do love the letter that you wrote to your family. Speaking of like having your family in your space so often, you know, you talk a lot about the pandemic and how you brought in your family to stay with you. I didn't bring anyone in. They descended upon my house. True. It wasn't an invitation. It was an attack. It was an attack.

It was an invasion, if you will. But you wrote this incredible email to them. Yeah, well, it wasn't that... That you published in your book. Yes, I wrote an email to my family. This was after a vacation on Martha's Vineyard. So we used to grow... My parents used to have a house on the vineyard. So that's like a very special place for our family, my brothers and sisters, of which there are six of us. And we...

you spent every summer on the vineyard. And so we try, we don't have that house anymore. So it was after a vacation in Martha's Vineyard where my nephew, usually the nephews are the biggest problems. Like they're kind of, cause they, I, and it's my own fault because I exposed them to these like,

Great vacations that most people probably don't have access to, you know, and I didn't think about that. I wasn't thoughtful enough about what I was giving them. How do they handle this? Because you just want to spoil the people that you love. You want to be like, oh, we're going to rent this crazy house on Martha's Vineyard. Everyone's going to paddleboard and get bikes, and we're all going to have fun on the beach. And yeah, you can, you know, have fun. You guys have your own guest house, so you can get up to whatever you want. They're teenage boys. But they just...

It's too much power. Became a pattern of just abuse and entitlement and expectations and also a lack of respect for the people who worked around the house. And I remember leaving one vacation, which was the...

preceded the letter in the book that you're talking about of where I just was like, oh, I'm part of this problem. Like, I have totally overdone it. Know how to say please and thank you in proper ways. They don't know how to look people in the eye that are working at the house. And I was like, this is gross. And when I brought it up to my brothers and sisters, you know, everyone is so defensive about their own children. Everyone wants to make a million excuses about their child's behavior. And I was like...

Yeah, no, this is a letter to you and to your children because they are a result of you. And I am taking my responsibility in this, but I'm also setting boundaries now. Like this is no longer how we're going to operate. So I sent that letter and I think I had a couple of friends check it, like to make sure it was in the right tone. You know, it wasn't confrontational. It was like, I love you. I will always love you. And you also took ownership of yourself, which I really thought was big of you.

Yeah, of course. You're like, I took part in this too. But that's post-therapy talk. You know, like if it was pre-therapy, I would have been like, get the fuck out of my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was, they were shocked when they got that letter. But the letter circulated around the industry because I sent it to my agent, I think for feedback. And she's like, this letter is incredible. I want to actually send this to my fucking family. It's a template now. Yeah.

So then she started sending it. So the letter came back to me. Like two years later, I got the letter and someone forwarded it to me. It boomeranged. They took off the names of it. And someone forwarded the letter to me. And it was like, this sounds like a great letter. You should send your family. It's incredible. And I was like, that's my letter. I wrote that letter. So that was really funny. That was published so no one could use it. But that moment where you said, okay, I'm going to have...

I'm going to confront my family. It reminded me a lot of what happened with you and Jane Fonda, which you also talk about in the book. Oh, yes. How you were pulled aside. Jane Fonda pulled, yeah. And to have someone, now that's someone who also scares me, who I've also met and love. Yeah, right. She's incredible. I find her to be incredibly intimidating.

Intimidating. You guys have become friends. That's so funny. She has said the same thing to me that you said to me, that I'm intimidating to her. Can you imagine? To intimidate Jane Fonda is incredible. I'm like, what? She's like, well, maybe not intimidating, scary. I think she once, we were campaigning in Albuquerque earlier this year, and she goes, yeah, Chelsea. She goes, you're so much less scary than you used to be.

Yeah. Yeah. I basically started off this conversation saying the same thing. Yeah, exactly. So. But she, she pulled, like she invited you over for dinner and. She summoned me to her house. She summoned you. To basically give me a talking to about my behavior at her birthday party one year. And I was, I had just started therapy and I was, thank goodness, because just by having gone a couple of times, I understood that.

that when you are defensive, you're usually wrong. Like if you know you're right, you don't have to defend yourself. You know what I mean? If you didn't do anything or if you're not arguing about a point, it's usually because you're above it. Like you know better. And so I knew that much, thankfully, because otherwise I would have been like, what do you mean? I didn't do that. I didn't do that. Or blamed something or something else, someone else or anything else. Yeah.

And I didn't because I really, in that moment, understood the act of like sisterhood that she was bestowing upon me, that she took the time to have me come to her house, that she took the time to have that conversation with me. She could have just stopped talking to me and blown me off, you know, and never spoken to me again. But she didn't do that. She was invested in the betterment of me.

in a sense and told me that. And I remember being so mortified, like feeling really embarrassed and shameful. But at the same time,

It was like a light bulb went off about like, this is the kind of sister I want to be to other people. Like, I want to make sure that I, A, that she never has to talk to me again, that I make the improvements and address the issue, and B, that I am the same type of woman to other women that she was to me. Yeah, because it's scary because you don't want to like offend someone or like make them, you know, scared of you or that...

to be open with someone and truthful with someone is so rare. I have dear, dear friends who I feel like aren't truthful with me and will tell me what I want to hear. Exactly. Absolutely. And it's... I know that they're protecting a friendship, but ultimately, I'm like, it's not doing the good you think it's doing. Yeah. I think the... I think... And that is... I don't know if that's a, you know, like... I guess it's a cultural, societal thing pretty much...

In a lot of places, but I think specifically in Los Angeles, you know, people are so scared of conflict or confrontation or difficult conversations. And I feel quite the opposite. You know, I've always felt that. That's why I always want to be so honest is because I feel like there's a lack of that. You know, we're like in a deficit of honesty here. And it's kind of refreshing to be able to ask somebody, hey, do I look like an asshole? Did I act like an asshole? Am I wrong in this situation? But even you asking that, like, gives permission to be like,

okay, I'm going to tell you the truth. Yeah, right. Which I think is big because most people won't ask that. Right. They wait to be told that they're an asshole and like no one's going to tell them. Do you remember, because you didn't really specify in the book, do you remember what you did at that party or was it just like a general malaise that you had? Oh, I think I was just on whatever drugs, you know, and I was just in a, I was in a bad mood

I remember it was around the time I think Trump was elected and I was so angry and my anger was all misplaced. I mean, of course you could be angry about that, but it was too much anger. And it was like what I realized in therapy, it was all this like delayed grief and anger I had about losing my brother when I was younger, that it was just coming to the surface. So like all my bravado and all my steeliness was a result of me having to be tough at such a young age. And then at a certain point you run out of that gas.

Like it doesn't start, it doesn't work for you in the same way. And that was what was happening at that time. So yeah, who knows? I remember talking to Tom Hanks. I remember talking to Maria Shriver, who's a very close friend of mine still. I don't remember much. I just remember being in one of those very aggressive moods where I was probably giving people a lot of shit and it probably wasn't funny. It was just too harsh, you know? But I didn't question it either. Right. Right.

I also recently started therapy myself. The patterns I find for me is that I'm such a people pleaser. Like I don't want people mad at me. I think I have that gene inside me. Like I do want to make people feel good about themselves and I don't want to always...

call people out on their shit. Yeah. But I am getting better at that. Right. And I think it's because I'm standing up for myself too. And like, I know that I have to create a space where the people that I surround myself with are the types of people that, you know, I can trust. So I need to be that for other people as well.

It's sort of like I have to set an example for myself. Yeah, and also it's an honest way of living, you know? I find the kind of tiptoeing around or like being averse to conflict and all of that not to be the most forthright, honest way to live. Like, it's okay. Like, if someone wants to criticize me, I'm not going to... I don't...

lose anything from that. I don't become a shell of myself. Like you should be able to handle that kind of constructive criticism or feedback or honesty. I think that's a sign of maturity, growth and like evolution. Like, and isn't that the point to like grow up, you know? Yeah. When I was on your podcast, I told you that I really loved your Netflix series, Chelsea Does. Oh, thank you. I really loved it so much. I thought it was really smart, really interesting. Um,

I just love the kind of vulnerable places you put yourself in and like trying new things. But then in your book, you do talk about how that time at Netflix was like a period when you're just talking about when you're not feeling your best. And it's kind of what seems to have driven you toward working on yourself and seeking therapy.

And, you know, to an outsider, I just thought, oh, Chelsea's in this, like, really new, interesting place doing this totally different thing after her, you know, success on E! And, like, it was interesting reading kind of, like, what was going on within you. I think there were two different parts of that. There was... I left E! and my first Netflix job was the Chelsea Does series. And that I was... That was 2014. And that I was still in a good place. It was...

Really right around 2016 with the election, when I started my talk show, it was the combination of like the destabilization of Trump being elected for the first time, the effect that that had on me, combined with this newer kind of idea of putting a nightly talk show on a streaming platform, which was the first one to do it. Right.

And it was that combination of things. So like when you're talking about the Chelsea Does series, I wasn't a good place for that. That was like, okay. But it was, everything kind of bubbled up around 2016 for me where, and it was when I was turning 40, you know, like,

you start to really, or it must have been a couple of years after 40, but like they talk about midlife. Like that is when you start to contemplate things and start to go, wait, what am I doing? Is this, is this even, does this matter? Like, do, do I matter? Does anybody care if I disappear? Like you just, there's a lot of introspection that I think naturally comes up around that age. And thankfully, you know, I'm going to be 50 this year. That, that,

I'm in so much of a healthier, better place in every respect, you know, with relationships, with alcohol, with drugs, with everything. Like I'm so much more grounded and like on it, you know what I mean? And more like so self-secure. Yeah. And so like, I think those periods are really important to actually dive in and do the work because you come out of it and you're like, I know exactly who I am. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Chelsea tells me about a special parental relationship she's formed with her ex-boyfriend's daughters, how 2016 was not her year, and she's also not shy about her cosmetic procedures. Okay, be right back.

Hi, it's Jesse Tyler Ferguson, the host of the podcast Dinners on Me. Spring is here, and you know what that means. Longer days, backyard hangs, and of course, firing up the grill. And when I'm planning a get-together, Whole Foods Market is my secret weapon for making it both fresh and effortless. Let's start with light or fair because, you know, sometimes you want something crisp and bright after those rich winter meals. I'm

Whole Foods Market has the best seasonal veggies. Think asparagus, artichokes, and easy salad kits to throw together in just a few minutes. Pair that with some wild-caught halibut or a perfectly marinated chicken breast, and boom, you've got a meal that feels as good as it tastes.

And if you're planning on having some folks over for this barbecue, Whole Foods Market has everything from high-quality meats to the best side dishes like deli salads and charcuterie boards that instantly level up any gathering. Oh, and of course, don't forget the drinks. Their seasonal Italian sodas like Berry Blend and Orange Hibiscus are my new obsession.

So whether you're keeping it light or going full on feast, Whole Foods Market has you covered. Make Whole Foods your destination for all spring gatherings. Make Whole Foods your destination for all spring gatherings. You don't wake up dreaming of McDonald's fries. You wake up dreaming of McDonald's hash browns. McDonald's breakfast comes first. And we're back with more dinners on me.

One of my favorite chapters, I loved it so much, Chelsea. I actually got Terry reading it, was the one about, let me get the chapter title right. It's the oopsie, the poopsie, poopsie, whoopsie, whoopsie. Poopsie, whoopsie, and whoopsie? It's, yes. First of all, so I read the title chapter. I was like, okay, what's this going to be about? But it's this incredible account of you sort of allowing your maternal instinct to take over and, and

You have this incredible relationship with one of your exes who I'm obviously desperately trying to figure out who it is. But I just thought it was so lovely. It's just how I've kind of...

Not adopt. Quasi-adopted three girls or have them in my life. Right. Three girls of an ex-boyfriend that I dated for about a year. And you developed a very close relationship with that. But they're still in my life. It's so funny now that I have a relationship with... I still have a relationship with all three of them. It's so beautiful. And the fact that you still have that relationship. I don't know. I mean, you've always been one to say, you know, I do not want kids. You have a whole ode to like why your life is better without kids. And yet...

being able to like recognize that there are maternal instincts within you

that bubble up in strange places and you allowed yourself to, you know, see those through. It was, I don't know, it seems to have given you a lot. Yeah, it has for sure. Those girls, I mean, it's so funny. I took parenting classes for these girls, you know what I mean? Which is the biggest joke of all time, the fact that Chelsea Handler's taking parenting classes. But I did it and I loved it. Like I learned so much from the psychologist about what children need to feel safe, secure, and seen, the three S's. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I mean, it is. It's not that I don't have a maternal instinct. I do. I just don't want children. And so, yeah, I love having influence and being like, whether it's a big sister or like a parent figure, whatever it is, I have the bandwidth because I don't have children to spend time with so many children. I also, when I met them,

I could relate so much to the way they felt. You know, that kind of neglect, that kind of teenage angst later on when they got older. Like, I related so much to all of that because I grew up in a household where I was the youngest of six. My parents were completely checked out. My brothers and sisters raised me. And I...

and wanted the parent that was going to show up to the games and show up to the school and conference nights and be at my plays, you know, at like the auditorium at school. My parents didn't do any of that. And so that's what I wanted to be for them. Yeah. You know, and just be consistent and show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it seems...

Because you come at so many relationships with a no bullshit attitude. I do feel like kids are attracted to that. I think sometimes even with my own kids, as a parent, I can sometimes placate them a little bit. You want to make them feel good all the time. And there's something about people who are just like no bullshit that I think kids really...

Well, you also, when you respect children, like you really respect them. Yeah. That's, I mean, that is the definition of getting respect is by giving it, right? Yeah. Like when you respect children and you're interested and you're listening to them, they like that. Yeah. And that's really all you need is to be consistently available, willing.

Even if it's for five minutes on FaceTime. I used to hate FaceTime. I had a boyfriend who made me FaceTime all the time. I was like, fuck you and FaceTime. I'm done with this relationship and I'm done with FaceTime. And now I FaceTime all the time with these three girls because they love it. And even if it's the middle of the night, I'm like, I turn my light on and I get on the phone with them. But yeah, it gives you... And also, as a parent, you know that you get such a sense of purpose out of it.

for me, since I'm not a parent, I still find it so purposeful to have influence over them in a positive way. And to go out of my way for them feels good. How does your ex feel about your relationship with them? He loves it. I love it. I mean, I don't see him very often, but every once in a while when I take them somewhere or on vacation or I see them, we'll send him pictures or whatever and he's just like,

he always just says, thank you, you know, thank you for everything you've done. That's incredible. Yeah, it is really sweet. And his ex-wife's the same, you know, they're both like, they like think that I'm part of their unit, parental unit. Like they confer with me, or they did when the girls were younger, they'd be like, what do you think we should do about this? I'm like, oh God, this is so weird. Why are we in a thruple? You know, I'm not even dating you anymore. But yeah. It's such a great relationship. I'm sort of envious of it. Yeah, it's pretty cute. Um,

How much of the time do you spend up in Canada now? Well, this year I am just going back and forth. I base myself out of there. And then I come back to L.A. like I have this book coming out. My special, my Netflix special comes out March 25th. I have... Is the Netflix special based on the book? No, it's like... There's a couple of stories that overlap. But no, it's a new special with a lot more stuff that's not in the book.

And then, you know, it's my 50th birthday, so I have a lot of action happening this year, back and forth. So I base myself out of Whistler, and I fly back for my work stuff, which is nice. Do you have big plans for your actual birthday? Well, I mean, my book comes out on my birthday, so that will be, that's fine with me. I'm going to have a party in New York because that's where I'll be. I'll have a party in Whistler. I don't know if I'll have a party in L.A. yet, but, I mean, I'm a stand-up comedian who gets to perform in front of thousands of people every night. I feel like

I'm not dehydrated for attention. Even though I love to celebrate other people's birthdays, I don't feel that...

I feel like I've had a lot of weddings, so to speak. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you think that you would ever have your own show again? Are you happy to not have that pressure? You know, there have been times where I've wanted to contemplate it or had conversations, you know, professional conversations with my agents and networks about it. But it's never come to the point where it's become a reality or...

And then I think about that schedule. Oh, my earrings. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Your poor earlobes. That was like a comedy. Your earlobes are going to turn. Comedy sound effect. Your earlobes are going to turn into labia. My ears. I'm going to get my ears reduced because they're turning into one. My ears. I just realized my ears are growing. I didn't just realize. I realized a while ago, but also my little. Oh, they're getting hairy too. Oh, yeah. They've got big black hairs coming out of them. But.

But the bottom of my lobe is like a little labia. And I'm like, what? And my friend goes, oh, you can tuck it. And they do the surgery where they go like this. And I'm like, oh, I'm definitely doing that. Yes. As soon as I have my next downtime, I'll be getting my ears tucked. Just add that to the roster. Add it to the roster of brush-ups. That's hilarious. You look fabulous, by the way.

Oh, thank you. Do you get tux and stuff? Do I get tux? Yeah. On my face? Yeah. Yeah, I do lots of stuff. I do lots of stuff. Rufford's doing it. It's very, very good. Thank you. I'd like to look my age, but refreshed. Yeah. Like I don't drink. Yeah.

Yeah. But I do. You know what I mean? But yes, I get... Listen, I do so much stuff. I take peptides. I do lasers. I'm not shy about that. And I would never want anyone to think this is au naturel because it's not. And that's so unfair for women to be like looking at these women in Hollywood, like how does everyone look so good? Because we have access to all the shit. I inject myself with like five different peptides every morning that are anti-aging. I get facials all the time. I get lasers. I rip my skin off after my ski season so that it comes back...

you know, fresh. You have incredible skin. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for doing this. Yeah, it was a pleasure. I was glad. I'm so excited to have a potato. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Your potatoes are on me. Oh, thank you. This episode of Dinner's On Me was recorded at The Butcher, The Baker, and The Cappuccino Maker in West Hollywood, California.

Next week on Dinners on Me, you know her as Spencer Hastings on Pretty Little Liars and her Amazon Prime series On Call. It's Troy and Bellisario. We

We talk about playing a teenager for seven seasons of TV, surviving a long-distance relationship, and her car birth story. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners On Me Plus. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners On Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today.

Dinner Is On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and A Kid Named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans Del Schee composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Ballans-Kolasny and Justin Mikita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.