120 Days and Counting
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lori, welcome to the program. Hi. Thank you. Thank you for taking the call. You're welcome. Recently, I lost my husband suddenly.

He was in perfect health. What number of days, months, or years is recently? It's 120 days today. Okay. So it's recent. Yes. He was in perfect health, perfect blood, EKGs echo, and then he had months prior, and then he had a massive heart attack right in front of me. Within two hours, he was gone.

And how long were you married? 43 years, but I know him since I'm 12 years old. So we were together 53 years. That's pretty much your whole life. Yeah. And I'm just trying to push through this, telling me that, you know, I have to just go through it. But it seems like the days are going on. It's getting tougher.

I'm trying. I work. So, you know, I work full time. I work from home. Madam, madam, Lori, you're going to feel like shit for quite a while. Don't stop with the people. Mostly people tell you it's going to get better soon. You need to go do something. I don't know. And the reality is it pains them to see you suffer.

The relationship with all of those people now changes because you're alone, you're a widow, and you're upset, and you're trying to carry on. They don't know what to do to make you feel better. They just want you to magically feel better because they care about you and because they don't know what else to do, and it hurts the relationship they have with you. I mean, if I went to the movies every week with you and we just had a good time and ate nasty desserts, yes, and this happened, I'd assume we weren't going to be doing that for a while, so...

If I'm lonely, then I'm going to tell you get better soon so I have company again. You see, I'm pointing out, there are a million reasons that people try to cheer you up. Yeah. I realize they don't, you know, they really don't know what to say to make me feel better, but nothing is really going to make me feel better. Well, not now and not for quite a while. So stop measuring every day. This counting the days is really... Yeah.

Stop counting the days. I don't want to hear I just I hang up on people who do the I just the reason I do is because that means that as we go on in our phone call, you just go back to the beginning. It's just that I miss him. This is the love of your life and your partner for your whole life. You're not going to get over this soon.

Yes, that's, that's, I feel that way. Don't say but. You're not going to get over this soon. So stop counting the days. Stop measuring how miserable you are every day and just accept that this is going to take a couple of years.

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I see that. I feel that when, you know, I'm with people who I try and keep around, you know, my friends, my family, my children. Good. Because they would miss you terribly. You see, your husband is dead, but all the other people in your life are still here and they still need you. Listen to that carefully.

This is not for your benefit. I just feel bad the way I'm acting in front of them. Ma'am, can we do one thing at a time? Tell you what, go into therapy and you can go for an hour without stopping. I can't do that here. So we have to take one thing at a time. Are you willing? Sure, absolutely. Anything. Okay. You have a moral... No, don't say anything. I'm not going to make you feel better by the end of the call. It's not going to happen.

This is too big a breach. I'm not going to make you feel better. And none of your friends or family are going to make you feel better. You have to go through grief and grief is tough. Plus your life has to change now. All the things you normally did with him, around him, about him, that's all gone. That's where depression comes in. So this is very hard, very hard. And in spite of your loss, if you have kids, you have grandkids, if you have friends, if you have a family,

They still need you because you were important to them. So that puts an extra burden on you. I got that. Yes. And that's why this is all so hard. So if anybody's telling you just, you know, have a stiff upper lip, two more months, it'll be better. Just say, you know what? Let's not talk. Let's just not talk. This is crappy. And I got to tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you why it's so crappy and so hard. You want to know why? Yes.

Because you really loved him and he really loved you. In spite of all the bullshit that happened between you sometimes, you really loved him, he really loved you, and he's gone for the rest of your life. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I expect a lot of crying. This is what it's like. There's no easy way around it. No. So please, when people are trying to just tear you up,

Forget about it. It's worse. Yeah, truly, because they make you seem like there's something. I should be over this by now. They're telling me I should be better. That's crap. No, listen to me. It's not going to get better for quite a while. Eventually, but I have no idea what year eventually is. And it won't be sudden like his death. It'll be microscopic. Okay.

And I'm sorry it is so painful, but that's where the word bitter sweet comes from. You had half a century of sweet. Losing it is very bitter. It's painful. It sucks. Yes. It's awful. It's awful. You're absolutely right.

you know it was it was the best it was really the best and just to lose it in an instinct it was just that's a shock it was traumatic yes it is it's a shocker you know I don't know where my place is I'm with single people I feel awkward with couples I feel awkward I just I could be in a room with 20 people and I feel alone yeah

That's what it's going to be like for a while. Yep. Those are all real and predicted feelings. In fact, that was very smart, very insightful of you to say you're not sure where you fit. Right now, you fit with grieving women. Yeah, maybe that's it. You're right. Mm-hmm.

I joined a support group and very diverse in the support group of their losses. And I went once and I'm going to go again. It's weekly. Good idea. I did find a little comfort there. I did. Good idea. Well, because you fit. You know they understand. Everybody else is telling you, are you going to be, you know...

They don't understand. I feel some way even worse than mine. And I said, wow, I had a wonderful life. I was truly blessed. Yeah. I hear theirs and I say, my goodness. Yeah. That's eye-opening, isn't it? It was, truly. Yeah. Yeah.

truly helped some, you know, feel the anxiety and fear and loss after their loss. And I never really felt that. I just feel the sadness because he took care of us. You know, everything was pretty much okay here. So he left everything good, you know, no burdens, no nothing, just to live my life. I could see it. I see how he set it up. Yeah. You have a good man. You had a good man. Still have him. He's in your heart and mind. Yeah.

it's still coming as months ago by the little things that are coming up and I could see he lived in reality and he did the right thing by me and my children. I'll just continue to just go with the course. I only ask you one thing. I only ask or recommend I don't know which word. You pick the better one. Don't

ever again be able to tell me or anyone else how many days it is that's not honoring him that's days since dead how about years of life days since dead does not honor him right he was 14 when i met him yeah well years since 14 years since 14 that's pretty amazing

That's like something made in heaven, how two wonderful people could find each other at 14. It's freaking amazing, woman. I was 12 and he was 14. Got yourself an older stud, did you? Oh, it's just the best I'm telling you he was. He said he knew before I did, which was probably true. I was 12 years old. What did I know? Not much. That's right. That's funny. He picked you out. Yes.

Yes. Yes, he sure did. Yeah. He was right. It was bliss. It truly was bliss. Even the hard stuff. Yeah. I'm glad you had it for so many decades. How fortunate of you to have that for so many decades. Wow. I just thought it was going to be there. I took that for granted. I never expected this so soon.

It's such an instinct. I say to myself if he was sick or something, but that's selfish. I never want to see him suffer. My kids say he went out like a king. The loss is just tremendous. Yes, it is. Only because it was so wonderful. Losses are not huge unless what you lost was wonderful. Yeah. It was greatness. It really was.

Thank you. I'm going to see if I can... I'm going to forget the number. I'm going to forget the 120. I'm going to forget that. Yeah, because that doesn't honor his life. It just points at his death. You're right. Exactly. A dreaded day. Exactly. It does. It does. I'm just going to try and honor every day that he lived and he did the right thing. Thank you. I'm curious. This sounds weird, but...

If he were on the other line from heaven, what do you think he'd say to you right now? Oh, he would say, enough. You need to get over this. This is why I put everything in place. Please go. I know him. I could hear him. I could hear it. So he'd nag you, too. He'd say, you need to move on. Yes, he surely would. Well, you can't just move on. It doesn't happen that fast. I know. It's not easy. And if you need to call me and just update...

retread attire give me a call you know where i am thank you thank you thank you thank you just you know stopping the 120 is is helping me a little bit here now i don't have to think about that anymore no just think about cutie was 16 yes 18 oh 20 yes 14 i have just think how cutie was at 14.

Describe to me before you go, what did he look like at 14? Oh, the handsome. Oh, my goodness. Beautiful blue eyes, dark hair. Just even when he passed, even when we were in the hospital, I said, look how together he looks. So handsome. Handsome guy. Just took care of, you know, himself. And he was just such a dapper looking guy. He was just no one could believe.

that he passed because he just looked so great always always in shape and everything well I'm glad you two had his best years that's true I didn't see him suffer for anything

Right. My kid said he was retired early and he had everything in life he wanted. He says, Mom, he used to walk around here bored because he had everything. You know, he'd just hang around me and we'd, you know, just do nothing together. But that was fine. That was okay. It's romantic. It is. You know, it's just the way it was. It's always been.

Okay. Well, those are good memories. If you want to call and share some more with me another time, do it. Okay? Thank you. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

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