Do I Have Mommy Issues?
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Chris, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you? Excellent. Thank you. What can I help?

How can I help? Okay, so I listen to your show every morning out here on the East Coast, and I figured you would be the best person to talk to. So I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half now, since last May of 24.

and I met this woman through a friend of mine and we hit it off, you know, so you never know what you're getting into until you figure it all out. She was going through a divorce. She was separated for about seven years, but they weren't fully divorced. They were still living together. She did lay out all the parameters. Um, and I, you know, I kind of accepted them. Why were they living together for seven years?

Um, I, I, from what I understand, her attorney was like, you can't move out yet. And this is not, it's abandonment and all this back and forth. And she was a stay at home. Abandonment. She didn't work. If she, I'm sorry. You know, if you're getting involved with somebody and you don't understand their history, walk away.

You don't just ignore it. I don't know, something like her attorney. You ever hear of an attorney saying you have to live in the house for seven years after you file for divorce or you're abandoning? Well, yeah, no, you're right. You're right. But I guess I guess it took there were two separate like they filed and they went back and then they were separated and then it took a long time.

for them to finalize the divorce, I guess, between money. And he was a professional. He was a doctor and she was a stay-at-home mom. So there was all kinds of stuff involved. How many kids and how old are they now? How many kids and how old are they now? Just...

Two children. One is 17. The other one is 21. Not bad kids. I met them. They wound up living with the father after the divorce was final and she moved out. So ironically, I found her a place. Why do you think? And you found her a place. Oh, my God. She found herself a new hero.

Yeah, you sound like all my friends. She's such an independent, responsible woman that her new boyfriend had to find her a place. I love it. I love it. You're walking into this. Do you have any kids? I do not. And unfortunately, and not by choice, I was never married. It just never happened. I never found the right one. Marriages don't happen. We make choices. Marriages don't happen.

It never happened. Right, right, right. So tell me about all the women that you dumped. Well, I was dumped a few times. You know, everyone was good in their own way and bad in another. I mean, it just didn't work out. I'm pretty, I guess I'm setting my ways a little bit. I'm not a bad guy. I'm very good to the girls I date.

It's just, I mean, I guess I'm a unique personality to kind of understand. I don't know. They're all great girls. Two of them were definitely my fault over the years, and I do regret that. And a few of them were not my fault. And like everybody else, I had my heart broken pretty good. Tell me about the ones that you think were your fault. In what way could they have been your fault? Because they were...

I'll use the word needy. They were a little bit needy. I don't know if that's the right word. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I love it. I love it. And then, you know, me being independent and trying to take care of them and do the best I can. I just, you know, they were good people, but we were maybe it was the wrong timing. You know, one girl, I really don't know what wrong timing means. What the hell does that mean?

I don't know where they were in their life and where I was. You know, I'm really I'm really not making vague enough. So you think a woman who's lived with her husband, she was divorcing for seven years and her new boyfriend finds her a place. She's she's not a needy person.

Yes, but this is many years later, so what's happening with me is I'm trying to say, okay, maybe I need to loosen up and be more compassionate and pay more attention. More compassionate? You're tolerating this nonsense and taking care of her. You have no idea. You're doing the same thing you've always done. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's true. You found another needy broad. Fabulous. Yes!

He sounds like my mom. Oh, my God.

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Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash doctor. Yeah, and she did a few things over time that my friends don't want anything to do with her. So that's very difficult. You know, I'll put the cards on the table. So do you think, sir...

So do you think all your friends are stupid? No. No, I don't. Well, then why are you not internal... Sir? Sir? I'm sorry. Why are you not choosing to internalize the things that have turned them off? Why are you discounting them? Because they're not stupid. Because with me...

No, no, because they're all on point, my friends, because over time when we're not around them, she has a great way of making me feel like she's all in and trying to do the right thing. And I start to feel bad. But she also brings out this craziness in me that that I get so frustrated and arguments happen and I hate it. It's not who I am. And it's driving me crazy. So how many more of these relationships do you think you're going to have before you're infirm or dead?

Hopefully none, because I can't do any more. Yeah, sure you can. You're doing it again. You're doing it now. Oh, boy. So I guess what I'm... I'm torn between... You're not torn. You go to the same place at the same time. Now tell me about you and your mom. My mom and I are very close. You know, we had... She was very protective of me growing up because we were...

How is a mom protective of a boy? How is a mom protective of a male child? How does a mom do that?

She was very careful where I went, knew every move I was making, and really just – she was protective. She was very nervous. She didn't want anything to happen to me. She always made sure I was in the right situation and not getting into trouble. And honestly, Dr. O'Leary, I got to give her that credit. I really didn't get in any trouble. I didn't have my first drink until I was 18 because her and my father put the love of scare of God in me. Yeah.

But I give her that. So can you stop giggling for a moment? Just a moment. You can go back to it. So you think that's a healthy way to raise a male? No, I don't. And you're still close like that. There's no room in your life. That's what's sad. It's not a healthy sounding closeness to me. What do you mean? That never occurred to you that this is not a healthy closeness? You just said this is not the way to raise a boy.

Right. And then you have never been able to settle down with a woman outside of your mother. Hmm. I never looked at it that way. Never. And you're 50 freaking two. Yeah. And you got yourself another needy one. Huh. You don't need a woman to take care of you. You have your mommy. Well, yeah. Well, not anymore. I mean, I pretty much do my own thing, but she, we're still very close, you know, in a way, I guess. So your question for me is what?

how do I give myself enough strength and the right attitude based on everything I'm hearing you say now to say either get out or stay in? Because the series of events that have happened, we just, you know, we'll be good for an hour, maybe a day, and then we'll start all over again arguing and things aren't right. And the past gets in the back of my head and,

I start worrying about everyone else's opinion, you know, because my friends and my family are important to me. So I want harmony with the person. They've given you their opinion. You're not listening to it. That's true. That's true. I think you've been handicapped by your relationship with at least your mom. I don't know much about you and your dad.

Usually a healthier male comes out of a situation where he's got a supportive, strong father, and it seems like your mother did that. And so I think you're handicapped in knowing what the hell to do in an actual relationship with a woman from whom you did not appear. I would recommend you go into counseling. You have a lot of work to do to understand yourself and to gain control. And I guarantee you, in the way you have been, you will not be as close to your mother anymore.

So you may want to not go into counseling and just go through women until you die. Well, I don't want to do that. So do you think that I'm looking in the wrong places? I think you're not able. I think it's way too scary for you. You always get needy women, not women who are controlling, like your mother. You get needy women. So you turned it around so you could be safe and not hurt your mother. This is very complex.

This is not a simple situation, and that's why I believe you need to ask around for people who are professionals you trust. Do you know a good therapist who can help me with this? I do. I definitely do. It's my friend's wife, but I was kind of afraid to talk to her because of the nature of our relationship, but I guess it's not a bad thing. I don't want you to talk to her. I just want you to say I have a hard time relating to a woman to be in an equal relationship.

And I would like a good therapist to help me with that. You don't have to give any more detail than that. Right. Wow. So you think it's deep-rooted down to my mom? Dash, dad, for lack thereof. And dad. I got you, my parents. Okay? Yeah. Wow. So obviously, I'm gathering that your opinion is to not stay in this relationship.

I'm not going to tell you to do one thing or another with respect to that. Just get into counseling. And I think if you really work at it and open your heart and mind to it, because it's going to be scary and upsetting, that you'll easily make a decision about her. Understood. Okay. So right now, I'm not asking you to change anything about that. Just get somebody who can really help you dig. Gotcha. Okay. That makes sense. All right, sir. Good. And I appreciate that you called. My number...

1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.

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