Does Divorce Contribute to Lack of Respect?
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Richard, welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. Long-time listener, first-time caller.

When I saw your, I guess, message that you had put out about Memorial Day, it struck a tone with me and my wife. I'm a divorced father of now three adult daughters. At what age were you and their mom divorced? They were divorced when they were three, five, and seven. How would you guys divorce when they were all little kids? What's that about?

Why? I'll put it this way. I'll put it this way. My wife liked the date when we were married. Why? I don't know if the show's long enough for me to get there, but... Well, give me the Reader's Digest condensed version. With three little kids, when did she have time to screw around? That's a great, great question. Totally caught me off guard. No, it's a pretty banal one, but if you would answer it, I would be happy.

Yeah, I just, I think, you know, I traveled for a living. She had a little time on her hands and the time that she had found somebody in our neighborhood that would pay her more attention than I could, I guess. What kind of job did you have that you were traveling and why would you take that kind of job when you have kids? Sales job.

My question again, do you think that was a good idea? I don't understand. We get married, and we have kids, and we spend minimal time with them.

Okay. Moving right along. Now they're adults. I think I was gone probably two nights, maybe three nights a week. But one of them was an athlete. I took her to practice during the week. I was at Oliver. I mean, very active father. Very active. Not so active lover boy, but okay. Okay.

Whatever. People do what they do. And now three kids grew up without a dad under the roof. And where are we today? So we are... I recently got married four years ago, remarried four years ago. And we moved two hours away from where they and the grandchildren are to a lake where we could...

have great memories with the grandchildren who are three of them under six years old. And Memorial Day was the first time that we hosted everybody down for the weekend, along with another couple and a friend of theirs and two of their kids, which we now realize was too many for the occasion.

And during that time... So you wanted your kids and grandkids there, so you invited friends also? Doesn't that sort of take away from the family aspect?

Well, the story goes last year when my oldest grandson got out of the last day of school, they came to the lake. And it was like they had such a great time. We got to spend great quality time with them in the town that they live. They always have another function to what you were just talking about. Okay, sir, sir, you're just confusing me. I'm wondering why when you want to spend family time, you invite friends.

Not my friends, their friends. Who is a? Because last year, my daughter, my oldest daughter. So your daughter invited her friends. Ah, okay. I got that now. So what's the problem I can help you with? The problem is, is that when they came down here, before they came down here, I talked to them about, okay, this is kind of what we, how we'd like to see the weekend go, you know, pick up after yourself, you know,

et cetera. And the whole weekend was anything but that. We, my wife and I cleaned up after them and we discussed it with them when we did, or they knew that we were unhappy, but they just continue to act like they're on spring break here, which later turned in before they left into a large argument and

What was their point of view? If there's an argument, sir, then one person says something and the opposing person says something. So what was their point of view about cleaning up after themselves? Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room?

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Our husbands work so hard, and I'm like, well, so do we. My wife and I work as well. So I kind of looked at it as Papa's house, Papa's rules, so to speak, not that they have to march in here and whatever, but just be aware of what our request was to God.

take care of the house that we spent our whole life. So how did you have, I heard what you wanted. A couple of things. They didn't grow up with you. They didn't grow up in Papa's house. You have a new woman in your life and you have this house by the lake. It's not unusual for adult kids in that situation to feel very entitled. You weren't there taking care of us daily under the same roof. We're kind of expecting you to take care of it now. Believe it or not, that's what goes into many heads.

I'm not excusing it. I'm just trying to explain it. But I don't understand the fight. So they said, no, we don't want to clean because we're relaxing. So then what happened? I thought I would just say, hey, can you pick up after yourself? Because if you don't do it, somebody, if you're not picking up after yourself. Okay, I heard all of that. And she said what?

She said, we're just, can you just relax? We're just want to have fun and enjoy ourselves. Okay. So your question, she was very clear. She does not intend to do that. She expects you to take care of her. That's her mindset. Not my, this is, I'm the dad, this is my house, but you're my dad. You take care of me now. See, it's a complex situation. I doubt this discussion would have been had, had there been no divorce and remarried to somebody else.

and a nice house by the water. So the problem is not just somebody has to clean. It's her attitude about her life. She does feel entitled and desirous of you to take care of things. Now, I thoroughly understand your point of view. She and her friends are incredibly rude, but that's the way it is. So I have suggested for us to get into...

family counseling once again though I haven't okay is there a question for me please don't ask me should we go into counseling did we yeah how would you handle how often moving how how would I handle it I can't place myself in that because I don't have that circumstance of the family torn apart I don't have that circumstance what is your suggestion I can't answer that my suggestion do you want to see her and the grandkids

Yes. Then hire somebody to come in that particular weekend, just for the weekend, to clean up after all of you. Because if you keep fighting about this, they're not going to come see you. Too much water under the bridge, sir. Not everything can be made as it ought to have been. It is not unreasonable what you're expecting. You're not going to get it, though. She feels you owe her. I appreciate that. So this way, nobody cleans. Okay. And there are people...

who are looking for jobs like that, sort of keep everything clean and neat, put everything away, do the laundries, whatever, and then everybody can just have fun. It's too late to try to establish that you're the authority. It's too late. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I'm going to take a break. I would like you to call in, deal with what you know you have to face and deal with, so let's get it done.

and not worried about being nervous or what I might say. Because as you can see, this prior caller, that's a resolution that keeps the grandchildren in his life. Two conflicting concepts. One, I'm the dad, this is my house, and it's appropriate for you to do this. He's right. And in her head, no, I'm having a good time and you need to take care of me now. Not going to get that out of her head with therapy.

might not be able to see the kids anymore. You've heard enough of that on this program. So why don't your kids want to be with you? It gets too complex. How about we just avoid it and just have a good time?

I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number are 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com. Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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