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cover of episode Dumb Mistake or Character Flaw?

Dumb Mistake or Character Flaw?

2025/4/27
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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

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Karina
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Kevin
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Karina: 我丈夫在出国工作期间与英国女子发生婚外情,持续了近两个月。他不仅隐瞒了已婚事实,还用假名与对方交往,并在与朋友的聊天记录中炫耀这段关系。这让我非常受伤,我质疑这段婚姻是否值得继续,以及他的行为是否源于无法弥补的性格缺陷。 我通过丈夫发给朋友的聊天记录截图发现了他的不忠。虽然他后来主动与对方断绝了联系,但我仍然不确定他是否真正悔过,还是仅仅因为事情败露而感到害怕失去家庭。他将责任归咎于我在生孩子后对他的关注不足以及他在英国的孤独感,但我认为这些并非合理的借口。 最终,在主持人的引导下,我决定尝试挽回这段婚姻,但需要时间来重建信任。 Kevin: 我承认在出差期间与一名英国女子发生了婚外情,持续时间不到两个月。我向妻子坦白了一切,并表示后悔。我主动与对方断绝了联系,这发生在我妻子发现这件事之前。 我出轨的原因是由于工作压力大,经常出差,感到孤独,并且认为妻子在生孩子后对我的关注不够。但这并非合理的借口,我为自己的行为负全部责任。 为了挽回婚姻,我愿意做出改变,例如减少出差,甚至安装摄像头以增强透明度。我也计划寻求心理治疗师的帮助,以改善自身问题并避免类似情况再次发生。我深爱我的妻子和孩子,希望能够得到她的原谅,并重建我们的家庭。 主持人: 这段婚姻值得挽救,因为你们有一个孩子。虽然Kevin犯了一个严重的错误,但他本质上是个好人,并且在被发现之前就主动结束了婚外情,这表明他存在一定程度的悔意。 然而,重建信任需要时间和努力。Kevin需要深刻反思他处理孤独和压力的方式,不应该通过与陌生女子发生性关系来寻求慰藉。Karina也需要积极参与到修复婚姻的过程中,而不是被动等待。双方需要坦诚沟通,共同努力,才能克服这个难关。建议你们一起散步并牵手,以增进彼此的感情。

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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Karina, welcome to, oh, Karina and Kevin, two Ks, welcome to the program. Hello, Dr. Laura. Hello, Karina. Hi, Kevin. Hello. How long have you guys been married and how old is everybody?

We've been married six years and I'm 31. And Kevin, how old are you? 30. 30. You married an older woman. Any kids? Yes, we have one child. She's becoming two in March.

Wow. Okay. And how many years married? Six. Okay. So, like, what's the problem? What happened?

Oh, like basically the problem was he travels for work and he like cheated while he was like entering an international trip. And my main question was like, is it worth working on this or getting a divorce just like because of how he handled the situation? That was my main question.

What do you mean about how he handled the situation? What do you mean by that?

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Sorry, I'm a little nervous. Okay, he didn't tell the woman that he was married. He didn't tell her his real name. He, like, because his best friend knows about the situation, so he, like, told his best friend that he's going to miss having sex with her, basically. Those are, like, the main hurtful things. What else? What else are the mean and hurtful things? Those are the... I think those are the only ones.

So your husband's friend told you that your husband said that he misses bopping that girl, that woman. I saw it through like a text message between my husband and his best friend. Okay. And I found out that he cheated through like a... How did you find out in the first place that this happened? He sent like, he sent a conversation he had with the woman he cheated with to his best friend.

And I saw, like, a screenshot of it. Like, basically he was telling her, like, we shouldn't be doing this, cutting off the affair, I guess you could say. And I saw that message, that's how I found out. You read something your husband wrote to his best friend saying that he shouldn't be doing this? Well, a letter he sent to the woman, but he copied it and sent it to his friend saying...

to her that he wanted to stop it is that correct yeah and the affair was roughly two months a little less than two months and does she live in the united states no she's international what country i don't know if i just say what uk what difference does it make there are millions of countries oh okay well i didn't know what country oh uk united kingdom oh she's a brit okay okay yeah

And to the best of your knowledge, after he sent that to her, did they stop communicating? To the best of my knowledge, yes. Okay. All right, Kevin, let me hear your side of this. So essentially this all happened back around Thanksgiving. Went out to the bar and...

We met her, did what we did. We spoke for roughly about a week or two.

Once again, after I left the UK, we had no communication until she saw a picture, an updated profile picture, and she commented on that. And she got, we talked for roughly about a week, and then I told her, we can't be doing this anymore. And that's

Hence the reason why, for what my wife is saying, I guess. So what would you like your wife to do with this information?

Well, first I would like for her to know everything as far as everything that happened. My wife called the lady yesterday and talked to her without my involvement and I'll

First, I would like for her to forgive me. Obviously, that's not going to be a day or two, maybe months, maybe years, which is fine. I plan on working through this with her as much as I possibly can. I plan on not

traveling as much as I do. I've offered a solution as far as possibly carrying a camera with me to put in the room so she could access it at all times, share my location,

As much as I possibly, anything that is possible, I'm willing to do that. May I ask what you do that you travel so much? And to England? What do you do? I work in the aviation industry. Are you a pilot? I'm a program manager. No, I'm not a pilot. Okay. Okay.

And why does that mean you have to travel? Sorry, it's not normal for him to travel so much, but he has in recent months. Yeah, so as I don't want to necessarily disclose how many I work for. Oh, you don't have to. As my career goes, as my career goes, the more I travel, unfortunately.

Obviously, now... Sir, sir, sir. Yeah. I suggest you... It's a suggestion. I suggest you find some other avenue to work for this company where you're not traveling.

So that's one of my solution is, and I plan on talking with her as far as how often can I travel and as well as try to delegate as much travel as possible. You know, one a year, one trip a year, and she doesn't know if you're screwing some bimbo at a bar. So it's not the frequency.

All right. You know what I mean? To build trust. Yes. You have to be, as they say in politics all the time and never mean it, very transparent, but you also may want to think about how you operate your career if you're not going to be home. So I'm just, I said you don't have to do this. I was just making a recommendation. But if she ever shows hurt and upset and throws it in your face...

That you're just going to have to tolerate it and never tell her, it's enough. Can't you let it go by now? That's the sort of thing that destroys marriages after an affair. The answer to your question, sweetheart, as to whether or not it's worth saving, you got a kid. The kid would very much benefit if you two could pull this back together, albeit not ideal. And if you're going to ask me when you can trust him again...

Not anytime soon. But that's normal. That's normal. I heard your radio show that you never forget about it. Oh, no, you can't forget. You can decide that you feel he is truly... But you're going to have to answer a question for me. Do you believe he's truly remorseful or he got his ass caught and he's upset? I believe he got caught...

And he's scared to lose his family. I don't believe he was remorseful when he did it or before he got caught. That was my biggest, like, is that a character flaw that cannot be fixed type of question. Well, hold on. Hold on. You read before he knew that you were going to see this information, I'm assuming, that he wasn't going to do it anymore. Yeah. He made the decision. He cut it off with her. He made a decision to stop it, not her.

That's very important. If it had been that you caught it and you stopped it, I'd tell you to dump his ass. Okay. But he stopped it in advance of you, quote, knowing it. That sounds somewhat remorseful to me. I don't know what you think remorseful is, but that's what it sounds like to me. Okay. That was my biggest question with this whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing he would do typically if he got caught,

and he hadn't ended it, he'd blame you. So has he blamed you? For the affair, is that what you're saying? Yeah. He just, like, he told me his reasons were he didn't feel like I gave him enough attention after having our daughter, and he felt lonely in the UK, in the United Kingdom. The truth is, when women give birth, they do tend to spend less time being their husband's girlfriend. That's kind of...

Not unusual. Yeah. You don't feel as sexy. You're tired. Yeah. That's not an excuse. But it is true. And as far as him being lonely in another state or country, that's why, Kevin, if you can't enjoy your own company or keep company in a friendship way, you shouldn't travel. If you know that's a weakness, you've got to stop. Yep.

I'm sure you don't want some other guy or nobody to help raise your kid. Absolutely not. Well, then, I think you ought to put real... Your first thing where you felt a little bit left out, I understand the feeling. That doesn't mean you go hump some broad you've met. The second part is you were lonely. That doesn't mean you hump some girl you've met.

So if your tendency is to make yourself feel more comfortable by having intercourse with some strange woman, then that's something you need to look at more deeply, don't you think? Yes. Yeah. I have a floated idea out there as far as going to a therapist and kind of working on myself. I think there's a lot of

a lot of room to grow. I think I've maybe been missing that. It shouldn't have took me until 30 to grow up. So it's, yeah. Okay, Karina? Yes. If your question is, is this worth working on? My opinion is yes. Okay. I appreciate you. For many reasons.

He sounds inherently like a good man who has done something really dumb. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome, sir. And Karina, even though your feelings are hurt and you're angry, because I assume both, okay, he's your man now.

So you have to participate in making this better. You can't just sit back and say, make me feel better. For example, put the kid in a pram, go for a walk together and hold hands today. If you don't do this, I'll come to your house and pinch your head off. Don't piss me off. Today, you're going to take a walk together and hold hands. Do I have agreement from both of you? Yes.

I had no objection to me. Okay. Guys, call me back anytime just in case you need some of the edges polished here, okay? Okay. Thank you so much.

Okay, Karina, I think it's worth saving. So don't throw in the towel. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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Have it all in the heart of it all. Launch your search at callohiohome.com.