Helping Family is Wearing Me Down
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Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash doctor. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Carrie, welcome to the program. Hi.

Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you? Good. I had called you at a time that I really had been, you know, depressed. I'd gotten my 90-something-year-old mom to come from New York to live with me. I just became a widow about two years ago.

And I got her and my niece and my nephew because they stayed with her. Now, when they just got here in September, so it's a lot of in and out and things that's coming up from the past and all sorts of things. It was just really having me very depressed. It seemed like I'm fighting all the time.

And the other two, they're so used to being with her. If I say something, she's the mama bear. She just has to protect them and all that. And these guys are grown people, 19 and 29. One got special needs, but I'm still like, they got to go. They got to get grown. They got to get out of here. What do you think? What do you think I need to do? I don't know. What do you wish to do?

I wish to get everybody in their proper place and get mommy and her and get the guys in their own little spot or in their own little whatever they have to live at. And we all be here in California together.

I have no idea what you said. No idea. Get everybody in their place. What the hell does that mean? Do you want to put your mother in assisted living or something? Okay. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let's see how you like it. Okay. She, we're at the place where we get along, but it's still in between when I say something to them in my house.

Well, get them out of your house. Okay. Okay. I can understand you taking in your 93-year-old mother, but they're adults. Let them handle their own lives. Get them out. Give them two months. Tell them you've got to get out. If mom says, oh, no, then you say, mom, you'll have to go with them, though, because I'm not putting up with this anymore. Be a grown-up. Be a grown-up. Do you really know that? Why do people say I know that?

No, since they haven't been here for long, I said I'll give a year for them to get things together. Okay. Don't call me or ask anybody else for advice when you're unwilling to make a move. Okay. Because that's just silly. And you don't have to hold to the year. You can make it 36 hours. This is your home, your life. All right.

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Quince is about gorgeous accessories, jewelry, home goods, and clothing priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. That's because Quince partners directly with top factories. They cut out the cost of middlemen, pass the savings on to you and me. They only work with factories that use safe, ethical, responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash doctor. So I got to make a decision and stick to it, right? Yes. And that's how you'll feel. No, no ultimatum, a decision. You're out in X days.

No ultimatum. Ultimatum means you dance on the head of a pin or I'm throwing you out. We're not making a deal. They're out. Let them figure out their lives. But you're taking care of mom. Right. And then you can leave it in mom's hands to make a decision for herself. Mom, they're going to be out in a month and a half. They're going to be out. Now, if you don't want to be without them, then you'll have to go with them.

Mm-hmm. Because they're out. So I'd like you to be here, and I'll take care of you, but they're out. So, Mom, you can decide if you want to go with them or stay here. That's your decision now. Right. This is how a grown-up handles it, in my opinion. Okay. Put all my grown-up hands. Okay. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you.

But this is how you control your life. Yeah. And just to be honest, too, I don't want everybody around. I just lost my husband, you know, about two years ago. So I was in an empty nest. Having them around is not improving your life, dear. Okay. Don't say, I'm lonely without my husband, so I'm just going to take this stress. Come on.

Yeah, that's what it is, the stress part. Yeah, there's no reason. You're 74 years old. Give yourself a break here. Yeah. Okay. They don't have to like it. Right. Okay, a couple of months. Okay, that sounds fair. Yeah. Give a date. Go to the calendar, pick a date. Put the calendar up on the wall, make a red circle there. That's the day you kids are out.

Yeah, put it together, yeah. Figure it out. Yeah. I did a nice rescue for you. I've been taking care of you. It's time for you to move out so I can have my privacy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Got to do what you have to do. Okay. You know, that's very true. What you have to do, you must do, is very true. Mm-hmm.

Otherwise, your life is not in your hands. And what's the point of that? We're all going to be dead. Between now and then, how do you want your life to be? That's up to your decisions. What you have to do, do. They have to grow up and take care of themselves. They have to do that. So you're helping them. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there, but they just have to start somewhere. No, no, no, no, no. No being there.

If it's anything other than chicken soup on Sunday, do not be there. Do not rescue. Do not listen to the complaining and the whining. Do not listen to the threats. Do not listen. Do not be there, except with chicken soup. Okay. Real tough love. Yeah. Okay. Got it. How does anybody become competent if they don't practice competency? That's true. Yeah.

You're not going to become competent because you're there. That doesn't make them competent. Because you're there. Because your mother is there. That makes them less competent. Okay. I'll let you know what happens. I'll let you know. I hope you will. In the beginning, they're going to fight you, and you've got to be strong. Okay. There's no change without resistance. They're going to resist. Expect it.

Don't fall for it. Okay. Yeah, I've got a chance. All right. I appreciate your call.

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Let's listen in on a live, unscripted second grade Challenger school class. They're studying Charlotte's Web. What words did this author use to describe this barn? Descriptive words. Wonderful. Can you find some adjectives in there? New is...

an adjective describing rope. Webber is an adjective and it modifies boots. Those students are seven. Starting early and starting right makes a real difference. Learn more at challengerschool.com.