I Can't Stand Losing!
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Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash doctor. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mom and Devin, welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. Hi, Devin. Hi. How old are you? Twelve. And what grade does that put you in? Seventh. Seventh. Okay. How can I help you? What are you dealing with? Like getting upset in like hockey. Getting upset in hockey. Yeah. What are you upset about? What is upsetting you? Like when like stuff isn't going like good or right. I'm sorry. I'm not understanding you.

Um, like when things aren't going like right in the game. Things don't go right in the game? Yeah. Isn't that kind of normal in life, in games? Is everything... Yeah. I mean, have you been in a place where everything always went right? Where's that? No. No. And if it goes right for you, then it's not right for the other team, is it? No. And if it's, yeah, Kevin, welcome to life.

it's not always going to go right. And your job is to let it roll off your back and stay focused on the game. There are going to be stupid calls, creepy players, dumb stuff all the time, everywhere in life. That's just normal. So I would urge you to work on breathing at a time, you know, taking a deep breath and saying, well, got to keep playing. So you stay focused. If you're going to let

Everything that doesn't go right bother you. You're never going to succeed at anything, and you'll never win a game. That's just life. What do you think about what I've said? Okay. Yeah, you can't get whiny and annoyed because that takes you away from working hard and playing the game, whatever game it is, card game, hockey game. Things just don't go right all the time for anybody. Hey, Mom, you ever have a situation where things always went right for you? Absolutely. Absolutely.

When was that, that everything went right for you? I apologize. I meant there's been a lot of times where things don't go right. Isn't that normal? Yep. See, life isn't here to go right for you, Devin. Life doesn't really care about your feelings. It really doesn't. Life gives you opportunities, and it's how you work with the opportunities that'll make you a good life with more happiness than not.

If you stay the way you are, getting upset and irritated by things not going right, you're just going to be unhappy all the time because things don't go right all the time. All the time for anybody. Ask everybody you know. Do things go right for you all the time? They'll say no. Well, how do you deal with that? I breathe. It's how I deal with it. I've had many things in my life not go right. I breathe and keep walking forward.

And soon I forget those things because I'm walking forward.

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Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash doctor. I don't know if you know anything about me, Devin, but I race a sailboat. Were you aware of that? No. Okay, I race a sailboat. And it's important to get a good start.

Because if you get a bad start, then it's hard to catch up. Does that make sense? Yeah. Well, when I first started racing sailboats, I'd have, I'm not the person who decides it. I drive the boat. But there's a tactician who says, up, down, two degrees, stay, stay, stay, up. So it's all this boop, boop, boop, boop that I have to deal with. And one time, another boat sort of legally pushed me over the start line early.

When that happens, you have to keep out of everybody's way, get back to the start line and start all over again. Now, the first time that happened, things were not going right for me, were they? No. So I got very upset, really, because I thought, well, what's the point in doing the rest of the race? I can't win now. That was one of the first times, like 25 years ago. So...

What I learned, I said something to the tactician, I'm like, oh, geez. And he went, it's not over until it's over. And we all hunkered down and tried to make fewer mistakes than anybody else because everybody makes mistakes. You got wind, you got water, you got other boats. It's not easy. And you make mistakes. But our job was to make less mistakes. Do you know that didn't go well for me and we won?

Now, if I had stayed in the, ah, damn, no point now. Why bother trying? This didn't go well. Had a crappy start. I'm really pissed off. We wouldn't have won because we all would have been negative instead of looking for the next moment to excel in the next moment. Because each moment we stay focused, each moment you stay focused on the game gives an opportunity to do wonderful things.

So now when things don't go right for me, I just shrug it off and focus on the next moment. So now when we finish the race, the first thing we say to each other is, was that fun? Did you have fun? That came before did we win? And did we have fun came before that didn't work for us in our favor. So the only way to have fun is to breathe, shrug it off, and focus on the next moment.

Any questions you have about that? What do you think about that? I don't have any questions about it. Was that useful to you? Yeah. Oh, good. So what are you going to do next time you're irritated in the game because it just didn't go right? What are you going to do? Look for the next moment and breathe. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be so proud of yourself and you'll feel so much better. I promise. Even if you don't win.

Because, you know, I've had races where I won, but we had such a miserable time because the new tactician was yelling too much and everybody got negative. We actually won. And I got off the boat and walked away. I didn't even go to get a trophy. It was so miserable. So enjoy yourself. That's what it's for. The camaraderie, your team, your family cheering. Just keep moving forward. And I appreciate your call.

I love talking to kids. Yeah, because it makes me look at my life and see my evolution. And yeah, I can say very honestly that way back when, when I was much younger, I would have the same, get very upset about a setback. And that just messes with your head because you're not, one, enjoying the moment, which you're supposed to be doing. Even when I do this radio program, I'm thinking about enjoying myself, not just only my task for you.

But I have a good time interacting with you and feeling useful to you. So I have a good time with that, even when something doesn't work right. Got to move forward. Got to take the next call. You have the next moment. It's like people playing tennis. They miss hit a ball or and then they get so upset that they can't continue really the game. They're just so mad at themselves and get angry and throw rackets around and stuff like that. It doesn't help you become better at anything.

Doesn't help you enjoy your life. And frankly, when you're sailboat racing, things go wrong all the time. I remember one time I was shooting downwind to the finish. I had a big smile on my face and I went, wow, we did it. All of a sudden, from behind us, a big gust comes. And the people who were way behind are suddenly right there. And on the handicap system, they beat you.

That's not fair. I hate that. That happens. And it's not. What are you going to complain to? The wind gods? Stuff happens. Got to be able to enjoy the moment. So we finish each race with the same behavior. As we put the boat away, everybody's having a beer, except for me. I have a little tiny thing of wine.

and chips and cookies, all the bad stuff for you. And we're talking about what happened, and we're being silly. So every race ends the same way with camaraderie. Have to learn how to let go of the things that just didn't work right for you. Had one boat in particular, which would close in like that with a puff at the last minute. And we use the guy's name, which I won't say on air. We go, that's a blankie.

Puff. I wish we would get one. So you have to have humor about it, but you have to teach your kids, please, please, that that's just life. It ain't personal. Just like you teach them to ride a bicycle, you teach your kids to breathe and look for the next moment. That's what you teach your kids. Yeah, that's crappy. Now breathe and let's focus on the next moment. What are you going to do on the next moment?

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