I Wish My Kids Knew the Truth
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Duncan, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Pleasure speaking with you. Hi. Thank you.

So I was calling because I have a dilemma that I wanted to pick your brain on. I listen to you regularly and I like most of your advice.

So my wife of 13 years was unfaithful, and we have two kids, 14 and 12. And when I discovered we tried to work things out, didn't work out, and she ended up... Well, when you discovered it, what was the explanation for...

Her behavior. What did she explain to you? I want to know what working it out meant. At first she denied everything. At first she denied everything. But since I had concrete evidence, she eventually admitted that she was having an affair with this fellow from her work. And...

At first, we were really vicious with one another. And then after about two days of the viciousness, I never thought I would be able to do it. But I looked myself in the mirror and said, I want to make this work. And so we tried to reconcile. Well, she had a boyfriend. So why would she want to reconcile?

What was her point of view? That's what I'm trying to get at. What did she tell you?

Okay, so the boyfriend was out of the picture once it was discovered. She said she wanted to work it out. Turns out he wasn't out of the picture. I found out after the fact. But in counseling, she said she was unhappy. About what? What was she unhappy about? Come on, you're leaving out the important details. Okay, so she was unhappy because I'm a dominant type person. She's a very submissive type person. And...

We had a female therapist who was the opposite of you. And she said that my ex-wife needed a voice. And after six months of therapy, I found myself discussing with the therapist. And she said, your ex-wife thinks this and your ex-wife thinks that. And I said, but just a second, ma'am. You're the one who said, and I agree, that you want her to have a voice. I want her to have a voice. I want her to be an independent woman. And yet, here I am having a discussion with you.

about what she thinks. She's right next to us. Why is she not talking? But that was her personality. Good for you. Yes. Submissive woman. We switched therapists to a second one who I was seeing for my own issues, who happened to be a male. And that did not last long because shortly after I realized she was not putting any effort into therapy. Okay. So where are we now? Are you divorced? Yes.

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.

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Since she, since I was always the one taking the lead, the kids, so the kids are wonderful. And since I was always the one taking the lead, I said to her, the first major thing that you're going to do is you're going to tell our kids that we're getting a divorce. And I don't care what you tell them. It is your responsibility. I will go along with whatever you say, but I will not lie to my children. She did that. She said that mom and dad were unhappy.

And it was a horrible 24 hours, but the kids, I don't know whether it's normal or not. They just literally 24 hours of grief. And then they've been wonderful ever since two, three years later. So the thing, so the thing is that she ended up moving in with the fellow that she was cheating with who was cheating on his life, by the way. Lovely world we live in, isn't it? Yeah.

And so now my kids know this fellow and I don't believe they know of the circumstances of what happened. And my kids are doing out of this world, but sometimes they bring up to me that,

you know, well, you and mom never fought. Why did you guys get divorced? And I've told my ex that I really, I think it'd be best if she were to talk to them now, you know, years have passed and explain what happened so that it came from her. And

I'm wondering what your thoughts are, whether I have any role in that. Is she going to do that? Their kids are not doing great. You know, I hate to say that. They give the indication. They're rolling with everything.

This has an impact on them. It's starting to show with, oh, I thought you guys were happy. Then you're not happy. What was the difference between happy and not happy? We didn't notice this. So they're starting to question the universe. How can, if we think we're happy and we're not, and then we lose the person. In my opinion, I think it is fine for you to say when you're being directly asked, they're not little kids anymore. Your mom wanted to live with him.

I mean, they don't know that she was seeing them prior to the marriage. I know that. I know that. I heard all of it. Sir, did you think I was not paying attention? Okay. I was paying attention. I think it is perfectly okay for you to say because he wanted to live with her. She wanted to live with him. Sorry. And if you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother. Ask her all the other questions.

But you asked a fair, direct question. I'm going to give you a direct, honest answer. But for the details, you're going to have to talk to your mom. Okay. Super. Because I don't want them to think that this just happens out of nowhere. You know how insecure they will be about relationships? It's a huge concern of mine. That's correct. So letting them, sir, quiet, letting them think that this just happens out of whole cloth is not in their best interest. Mm-hmm.

I worry about what it's done for their future relationships. That's what I just said. That's what I just said. Now you're not listening to me. That's all right. I am. Anyway, I hope that was helpful. No, because I just said it's not good for them. It'll make them very insecure for relationships. They think this just happens. It doesn't just happen. People make an effort to have a relationship outside their commitment and their vows.

And it usually ends up in a divorce. And you're right. Your first therapist was a feminist idiot. And you schooled her beautifully. You're saying she has to have a voice. Well, we're right here. Let's hear her voice. No, because I think most of these feminist therapists think the best thing is to not have a man. My number to deal with. My number 1-800-

375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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